So I guess you're one of us now, Slutty Pants. Don't call me Slutty Pants. I am gay. I'm missing something here. Bilkey's a homo. You should adopt Sparky! Phineas, I want you to meet our son. I love her, Mum. She's not going anywhere. So I guess you're one of us now, Slutty Pants. Don't call me Slutty Pants. I know where you and I can find $60,000, $100,000 on a good day. Money machines? The money machines. An automatic teller machine. A bank in a wall? Look, the ATM doesn't matter, Phineas. Cos we're trying to steal the money before it gets in there, remember? From the van carrying the money to the bank in a wall? Yes, three of these newfangled machines around Auckland. Every day they're reloaded with cash. Yeah, same van, same route, every day. So we jump the guards, steal the van ` Bob's your uncle. No, we can't do that. Big Brother is watching. The whole alleyway round where the van pulls up is covered. But we're wearing balaclavas. The cameras are monitored. And we know this how? My cousin helped install the machines. Again ` so? 30 seconds, and we're gone. Yeah and they're reaching for the phone, calling the pigs. Meanwhile we're driving around out in the open ` the getaway strategy doesn't work. So let's take them out, then ` the cameras. And how are you gonna do that? I'll shoot them out with my rifle. And they're not gonna notice that the cameras are down, maybe tell the van not to stop? Well, I'm not hearing anyone else making any suggestions. No guns, Lefty. Yeah, that didn't end so well last time. (BOOM!) (INTENSE MUSIC) With what last time? Nothing, Dario. So are we gonna do this fucking job or not? Yes, yes. We just need to think some more ` that's all. Unless I bring giant demolition machine. We smash ATM right out of the wall. Put it on truck, bring it home with us. Maybe we'll sleep on that. Captions by Able. Copyright Able 2017 Is something wrong with the meatloaf? Nah, it's delicious, love. How's things around here? Great. Are you and Cheryl playing nice? We have an understanding. (HUMS) That machine can be a bit rough on your delicates. Just so you know. All good. I think it's fair to say that we're in the process of sorting things out. Oh, what a shame! But I did warn you. Yes, you did. The machine's free now if you want it. Great. Thank you, Cheryl. No worries, Rita. Fuck! Oh! Oh, gee, first the washing machine, now the oven. It's really not a good day for appliances, is it? Meanwhile, back to whatever bug's crawled up your jacksie. It's this bloody money machine job. I thought you were all over it. Yeah, so did I. But there's cameras everywhere watching us. It's getting to be like that book ` you know, the one Wolf was meant to read for school and I ended up reading. 1984. That's only two years away, Rita. At the rate we're going, it's gonna be true. I mean, in America, you got Reagan, right? A B-movie actor with his finger on the nuclear button ` how can the world get any more messed up than that? Hey! Fuckballs! (LAUGHS) You have to stop trying to get me naked. But naked is where you do some of your best work. That's not gonna get me my master's, though, is it? (GASPS, GIGGLES) It's just one of those jobs, you know, where it's a great idea until you look at it, and the problems keep piling up. Then don't do it. Oh, that's not my call. You know that. You need to let your voice be heard. Yeah, yeah. I know. I'm serious. Those guys need to appreciate you more than they do. The boys? They're all right. No, they aren't. They don't listen to you, and they treat you like` Like what? Like you're the little Maori boy who does what he's told. Sorry. For what? Being the one who tells you that. Nah, it's cool. It'll change one day. I'll be like The Incredible Hulk ` all real nice and stuff until one day I get pushed too far, and then I'll be, like... (ROARS) (LAUGHS) No, I'm not falling for your cheap moves. Cheap? My moves are all class. Three things are gonna happen ` I'm getting us something to eat, then you're leaving, then I'm getting back to work. (DOOR CREAKS) (INTENSE MUSIC) (MUSIC CONTINUES) Scrambled eggs OK? Yeah, that'll be grouse, thank you. (MUSIC CONTINUES) (GLASS CLINKS) It's quiet, isn't it? You mean without Mum trying to kill my girlfriend? Oh, Cheryl holds her own. (CHUCKLES) Is this that ATM thing? Yeah,... the impossible job. But I thought nothing was impossible for the great Ted West. And you can pull your head in. You're losing your touch, old man. All right, then, hotshot ` why don't you have a seat, show me how it's done? Sure. Piece of piss. (SCOFFS) (SNIFFS) (INTENSE MUSIC) (PAPER RUSTLES) (MUSIC CONTINUES) What are you doing? Learning. Learning heaps. This criminology stuff is pretty dense, eh? All these big words. Yeah, it's pretty dry stuff. And this Rose woman ` she sounds like a real hard lady, just from what I can make out. In fact, from what I can make out, she sounds a hell of a lot like Rita West. Does Rita know about this? No. Am I in here? It's primarily about the women and their interactions with the gang. Primarily? So that's a yes ` just... not one of the important ones. Yeah, we're in there, but I changed everyone's name. Yeah, Rose and Rita ` they're real different (!) What am I? Hone. (SCOFFS) Of course I am. Can I have my thesis back now? I need to make some revisions. Why didn't you tell me you were writing about us? I didn't think you'd understand. Because I'm dumb? You're not dumb, Bert. Yeah, well, I feel pretty dumb, finding out that my girlfriend's been using me and my mates as her research project. OK, let's make this clear. I was studying criminology before you and I met. So I found myself in this unique position by chance ` what was I supposed to do? Ignore it? Yeah, well, you'll put me in a unique position ` like dead ` if they find out. (CHUCKLES) You think that's funny? Bert, if there's one thing I do know about Ted West and his so-called gang is they aren't killers. Well, then, you don't know much, do you? So educate me. Teach me the truth. Nah, I need to think. Bert, there's nothing to think about. It's finished. It's almost done ` I just need to do the revisions. Yeah, well, I better get out of your way, then, hadn't I? I've been reading The Mother's Almanac and Parenting Power, but nothing's really helped. Well, Sparky is a unique boy. It all started off so well, Rita. We got the room all set up, and Phin really got into it. He started reading him that book The Halfmen of O. Oh. But then one night I looked in, Sparky was reading it to Phineas, and I think that sort of took the fun out of it for Phin. He is very smart for his age. And so loving. He gives me hugs all the time. So many hugs. (DISTORTED ROCK MUSIC) Does Phineas get hugs too? Not as many as me. In fact, Phineas thinks that Sparky might love me more than him. Because of the hugging? Yeah. Then stop hugging Sparky. But Sparky says he needs the hugs to help him get over the nightmares. (EERIE MUSIC) Sparky? I had that bad dream again. Both of your heads exploded. Oh darling. Can I sleep beside you? Back off, you weird bastard! Have you tried getting Phineas and Sparky to, you know, bond, have some guy time together? Yeah. That just freaked Phineas out even more. (RELAXED ROCK MUSIC) Spas are quite relaxing, aren't they? I guess. I just think how water and electricity really don't mix. I mean, all it takes is one little fault in the wiring, and you get in, you push the button to make the bubbles, and then... (BUZZES) Argh! (BUZZES) Well, I'm sorry, Carol. I wish I had an answer for you. But I've got some behavioural issues at my place too. Is Wolf playing up again? Oh, no, it's that slutty pants girlfriend of his. Cheryl? Well, that doesn't make any sense. She's always so lovely. (RELAXED ROCK MUSIC) What's going on here? Helping Dad with his homework. Well, don't let me interrupt. What's in this building next door? Already cased it. I thought maybe we could bust through the wall, like the Smith & Caughey job, but it's reinforced concrete. Mm. What's inside? A whole lot of nothing. Another corporate wasteland compliments of Piggy Muldoon. Any alarms, cameras? Nothing to steal. You wanna tell me where you're headed with all of this? Nah. I need to show you. What, now? Yeah, unless you've got something better to do. Hey. Hey. Are you heading out? Yeah, just for a bit. It's just the boys. Sometimes it's best you don't know. You'll get used to it. Or not. (TENSE MUSIC) Are we clear of those cameras? We're good. Didn't you used to be faster at this? WHISPERS: Oh, yeah. (FUNK MUSIC) (MUSIC CONTINUES) Just as I thought. What is? Come see for yourself. I don't need to see it. Yeah, you do. Why? Because you do. Can't you just bloody tell me? Are you scared of heights? No. Bullshit. You are. No, I bloody well am not. Then come have a look, if you wanna know how my plan's gonna work. All right, then. I will. (SCOFFS) (TENSE MUSIC) Yeah, in your own time. Shit, Wolf! I'm coming. Just bloody hold your horses, all right? (MUSIC CONTINUES) See that? Yep. A courtyard behind the alley. No cameras, which means we can just wait down there and let them bring the cash to us. Yeah. I guess, yeah. No, it makes sense, yeah. One question though ` how the hell are we gonna get down there, Wolf? Huh? Bloody parachute? Something like that. (SIGHS) How'd you go? WHISPERS: Our son is a bloody criminal genius. Took you long enough to figure it out. (SIGHS) Cos you came up with the great idea, you'll get a bigger cut of the money, right? Yeah, I don't think that's how it works. (CHUCKLES) Well, it should. You know there's no turning back with this, eh? How do you mean? With me ` doing this job. This is a whole new league. You mean like a 'once a crim, always a crim' kind of thing? Yeah, but for you as well. I mean, once I do this,... there's no backing out. You're part of this family now. I need to know that you're OK with that. Wolf,... I'm so OK with that. I'm so fucking OK. (SULTRY MUSIC) Do I have to take him? It'll be good for the two of you to spend some time together. Can I stay here with you? No. You need to spend some time with your father, for when I'm away for work. But he's not really my father. Well, I'm not really your mother. You are to me. Which is nice. But then, as your mother, you have to do what I say, right? I guess. Then I want you to spend the day with your father. OK. Good. That's that sorted. You boys have fun. Don't you have electrician school to go to or something? The place I was doing my apprenticeship burnt down. They never found out what started it. Yeah, I wanna say that I miss Sparky, but the truth is I've slept so much better without his exploding head nightmares. Yeah, the lack of screaming and moaning is much more restful. Boys, why don't you concentrate on eating, OK? There you go, Rita. Thank you, Cheryl. Only me. The meeting's at Lefty's. Yeah, I know. I kinda need to speak to Rita. It's a personal matter. No. It's an important personal matter. About what? Sort of a relationship problem. Bert, this is not Beauty and the Beast, and I am not Selwyn fucking Toogood. Sorry, but I cannot take no for an answer. I beg your pardon? You heard. Maybe you should just hear him out, love. All right, spit it out. Not in here. Oh, God, I hate giving advice. Since when? (CHUCKLES) Make yourself right at home (!) Hey, it's about Riana. Marry her, have lots of babies ` you'll never get a better offer. Yeah, well, that was kinda the plan until now. So don't marry her ` dump her and move on. Will you just listen to me? What I need to say is important for all of us. Yesterday I found out something, and I haven't been able to sleep a wink since. She's a fucking undercover cop, isn't she? No. No. It's kind of worse. Cos we're trying to steal the money before it gets in there, remember? I'm sorry. We're what? Abseiling. It's where you use ropes to lower people from a height. Yeah, I know what abseiling is. It's how we take the cameras out of the equation. Here, look. So we'll drop two guys down into the courtyard on ropes. They sit tight, wait for the guards to show up. Then when they walk through the door, our guys steal their uniforms, keys, radios and the cash and leave them tied up. Our guys walk out, looking for all the world like the guards, get in the van, drive it ` with all the money inside ` to a place where we unlock the doors, and away we go. What if, when our guys are coming out, they look at the camera, and the people in the cameras see that they're not the guards? Well, then, we'll tell them not to look at the cameras, Phineas. And all they'll see are the back of our guys in their uniforms, caps on their heads. Look, this buys us the time we need to drive the van anywhere we damn well like. Well, what if while we're driving around in this van, someone finds the guards? The cleaners normally leave around midnight; the van shows up just before 7; the first workers arrive in this building around 8. So we have an hour. 30 minutes before the van's due at its next stop. OK, so we have half an hour. It's all the time we need. Any more questions? Oh, yeah, just one. What are these dipshits doing here? Hey, that's not nice. Yeah. Yeah, I'll dip your shit if you're not careful. They're part of the plan. Except for Sparky ` I don't know what the hell he's doing here. Mum Carol wanted me to spend some time with Dad Phineas. OK. So, are there any other questions? Well, what about the fact that none of us knows how to abseil? Wolf does. So he'll be one of the two going down the wall. You, I presume, will be the other. Actually, no. I thought it'd be better if I was on the radio in a coordinating role. Well, who else is gonna do it? I will. Well, that's what we're gonna find out today. (ROCK MUSIC) Gentlemen, welcome to climbing school. You guys come with me. What, all the way up? Yes, all the way up, Falani. Not you. (ROCK MUSIC) (UNSETTLING MUSIC) The door was unlocked; I let myself in. No, it wasn't. You've talked to Bert. Or he's talked to you. Yeah. You've been writing stories about me. Not stories ` it's my thesis for my master's. Oh. Sounds pretty flash. Not really. And if you're worried about who's gonna read it, it's only gonna be seen by, like, five people, tops. No, it's not. I swear. Once it's marked, it just sits on a shelf somewhere. No, it won't. Cos here's what you're gonna do ` you're gonna gather up every copy of this thing, all your notes ` the lot ` then, together, you and me, we're gonna burn them. No, I won't do that. Yeah, you will. This is my life. I've worked all year for this. Nah. It's my life, and you fucking stole it. And if this thing continues to exist, then it puts me at risk, it puts my family at risk, and it puts my friends at risk. I changed everyone's names! I don't care. No one will connect this to you, ever. I swear! I can't take that risk. So you get your stuff, and you fucking burn it. You can write another bloody thesis about something else. No. It's not that simple. Oh really (!) Well, la-di-da to that. I'll fail the year. I don't give a flying fuck! You're not getting that? Don't you even wanna read it? Why would I wanna do that? I talk about you a lot, what an amazing woman you are. Oh, fuck off. Fuck off! You cannot flatter your way out of this one. Just read it. You'll see what I'm talking about. I don't wanna fucking read it! I don't care if you say I'm fucking Wonder Woman. I wanna destroy it, because it threatens my world. How are you not getting that through your thick fucking skull? No. Jesus Christ almighty, what is wrong with you? I'm not throwing away a year of my life. Yeah, well I'm not throwing away mine because some stupid little bitch wants a couple of fancy letters after her name. You can do it again next year. You can write about something else to keep the eggheads happy. That is all you're sacrificing here. Do you get that? That is so little in comparison to the risk that you're putting on me and my family. Surely, surely, you can understand that. There is no risk. No one's gonna trace this back to you or Ted or anyone. Did Bert ever tell you... what I did to him once? No. Well, he was informing. It wasn't really his fault ` he's extremely weak; a stronger man took advantage of that. But when I found out that he was doing this thing,... I tried to kill him. I poisoned him. Clearly, he survived, but the point is that at the time,... I didn't give a fuck whether he lived or died. And the thing is, Riana, I care a hell of a lot more about Bert than I do about you. I've been to prison. I'm not scared to go back there if it means my family are safe. So you gather up your stuff ` every copy, every scrap of paper ` and you hand it over. And do not lie to me. Because if you lie and I find out ` and I will ` you won't see it fucking coming. I can't do that. I can't do that because I don't have every copy! I gave a copy of it to my tutor. He said that he would read it and give me notes before I handed it in. Well, isn't that ever so nice of him (?) Not really. He's been trying to get in my pants all year. I think he thinks this act of kindness will clinch the deal. Classy (!) Well, then, Riana,... you and I have some work to do. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Cos we're trying to steal the money before it gets in there, remember? Try-out time. Who's up for it? What's the matter, Bilkey? Don't you wanna fly like a fairy? Hilarious, Lefty. Sure you've got the balls for it? OK, OK, so Bilkey's out. Yes, he is. Eric,... you already have a job. But this looks way cooler. No. Sparky ` just no. You two go sit on a rock. Dario, you've also got a job. Come on ` anyone can dig fucking hole and bury fucking van. This is James Bond shit ` fuck, yeah! Fuck, no. This is still 20% my job. My 80% says no. OK, you two, off you go. May the best man win. Or man who doesn't get dropped on his head by those two dick-splashes. (GRUNTS) Right, Falani. Phineas. On the rooftop, there'll be no bulldozer, right? So I'll need you guys to be our anchors. You'll be holding the ropes on top of the building. So if we let go? Someone dies. So watch and learn. You what? OK, I bags Phineas. Ye of little faith. No offence, but all the Islanders I've known are not good at seeing a job through. Much offence. Mr Bert, I shall lower you as if God himself were sending an angel earthward. Doesn't matter, cos Ted's never gonna pick him over me. He might. You drive, Bert. That's what you do. OK, remember what I told you ` just lean back until you feel your feet flat on the wall. Then it's just like walking backwards. Both hands on the rope ` don't lose control. Just nice and easy. No one's in any hurry. That's it, Bert ` nice and slow. Whoa! Fuck! Fuck me. (LAUGHS) How's it hanging, Bert? Shut up. Fuck. (LAUGHS) Hey, we haven't got all day, mate. Shut the fuck up, Lefty! Come on! Hey, it's a hell of a time to figure out you haven't got the guts for it, isn't it? When you're fucking halfway down the cliff. Oh, fuck you! No, fuck you, you little bastard! Oh, what the...? Oi! Lefty, sort it out! (BOTH SHOUT) Argh! Oh shit. I don't know what the hell was going on up there, and I don't wanna know. Usual Lefty ` being a cock. I just said I don't wanna know. Bert, you're back on following duty. Lefty, you and Wolf will be going down the wall. But just get it sorted, all right? The lot of you. We get one crack at this van, and we're not gonna fuck it up. Like you did last time. Pow! (INTENSE SYNTHESISER MUSIC) They had a fight halfway down a cliff? Are you sure you should be throwing in with these guys? They don't sound very professional. They're all right. Dad read them the Riot Act when Bert finally came down. He sulked all the way home. Yeah, well, Bert's not exactly my favourite person either. Are you going somewhere? Yeah. Where? It's kind of a girls' night out. Mum! I've seen it all before. Come on, blondie ` time to go. Do I have to do this? If you wanna live under my roof, then yes, you do. Do what? Nothing for you to worry about. Come on. Bring the bag. Bye. Shan't be long. I always thought that when we had babies, they'd be,... you know,... baby-sized. Aw, honey. I love it that you said 'when' and not 'if'. You haven't given up hope. (BOTH SMOOCH) (UNSETTLING MUSIC) I thought you were in bed. I couldn't sleep. I have a bad feeling. About what, sweetie? The job Phineas is doing with the security van, like the security van where my real dad got his head blown off. Ted says we're not allowed to talk about that. But I think about it all the time. What was it like? Could you see his brain? What colour was it? (SPLASH!) Maybe you should try not to think so much, Sparky. Like Dad Phineas? Something like that. No, no. Where you are is fine. (CRICKETS CHIRP) (CRICKETS CHIRP) You'll need these. Later, Riana ` when we get there. People get kinda suspicious when you walk around the streets with a balaclava on. I don't get why I can't just ask him for it back. I'm doing you a favour. You are? You'll see. (TENSE GUITAR MUSIC) OK, they really need to work on their security. Go on, Slutty Pants ` show us what you can do. Don't call me Slutty Pants. Any time you like would be good. Good work. Thank you. No, I mean it was such shit work, it looks like an amateur, which is what we want. Right, find your thesis thingy. You, give me that. Do what we talked about. Whoa. What are you doing? They're only pieces of paper, love. No, I meant what if somebody hears you? Then we'll just have to fight our way out, won't we? Find it. Found it. Hand it over. OK. Now you can take out your frustrations by trashing the place. If this guy really is the creep that you say he is, then don't other people ` other women ` deserve to know? Also, if you're lucky, in the mess, no one will know that your shit is missing. (SIGHS) (SPLIT ENZ'S 'I SEE RED') This is what you get, fucking with students! (GRUNTS) # I see red... Bastard! # I see red, I see red, I see red. I see red... OK, OK, Riana, that's enough. # I see red. (PIANO SOLO) If you want my advice, get a proper job in the actual world,... where actual people live. That is called life. # I see red, I see red, I see red. # (SPLIT ENZ'S 'I SEE RED' CONTINUES) So I guess you're one of us now, Slutty Pants. Don't call me Slutty Pants. (DOWNBEAT ROCK MUSIC) (SNIFFS) No, thanks. Are you sure? Everyone raves about my lamingtons. (DOORBELL RINGS) Get that, will you? What'd your last slave die of? Probably best if that comes as a surprise for you. Hi. Gidday. Ah. Bert. You wanted to see me? Yep, for once, I did. I have two things I need to say to you, Bert. And you couldn't have told me these things over the phone? No. You need to be looking into my eyes while I'm doing this. Is Ted here? Still asleep, but you'll be gone before he wakes up. I will? Yep. The first thing, Bert, is I know why you brought the Riana problem to me. Because you know about those things? No, because you wanted me to do your dirty work for you. Which I have. Don't ever do that to me again, OK? Grow a fucking pair, Bert. You got that? Yes. And the second thing ` you need to sort yourself out. Do what you need to do to get your head back in the game, and stop being a bloody crybaby about everything. Because if you don't, and you screw up on this job and Ted gets done for it,... I will never fucking forgive you. Can you see how that might work? Yes. Lamington? No, I'm good. Now, go and do what you need to do. Thank you. Yeah, you should. Only us. Ooh. Sorry for interrupting. It's all right. Bert was just leaving. Hey, Carol. Hi. Take these to the boys downstairs. Let me guess ` the adoption isn't quite working out. There are a couple of issues ` one, really, that is getting in the way. Phineas is afraid of me. No, I wouldn't say that. He hates me, then. No. No, not hate. I just don't think he gets you, love. We tried talking about it, but that didn't go so well. Is this about the hugs? It's a little about the hugs, but it's more about setting up boundaries so we can all live together as a family. What does that mean? It means you're not allowed to do weird shit to my wife, you freak! Oh dear. I don't think we're putting this very positively. It's OK, Mum. I understand. You do? I just love you so much. I wish we were polar bears. Sorry, what? Mother polar bears dig underground dens for their cubs. They live with them together in the winter months. I'd like to live in a den with my mum, just the two of us. And then this morning, things really came to a head. Argh! Oh! Fuck! (PANTS) Argh! (ROCK MUSIC) Lawnmowers are dangerous things. All the same, I think it would probably be best if Sparky comes back here, before, you know... Phineas kills him? Is that all right? Yeah, sure. Off you go. Back to your... den, I suppose. Just for the record, you're the best Mum I ever had. (TUTS, SIGHS) (SLOW GUITAR MUSIC) (SIGHS) She made me burn a year's work. I know. Was that the only reason you were with me? What? Research. I just think about all the nights we sat up together and me telling you everything. No. I loved those nights. How cool for you, eh ` being undercover, dating a real-life criminal? Yeah, it was, because I was with you. That's what made it cool ` not anything else. Yeah, but the whole time, you was lying to me. Well, two can play at that game, right, Hone? You could have got me fucking killed. I didn't know that. I'm sorry, I swear I am, but it's gone ` everything, every word. It's over. Yeah. Yeah, it is. No, not you and me. We don't have to be. I can't trust you any more, Riana. I can't be around you. Yes, you can. Don't you get it? It's gone. No, you're the one who doesn't get it. I don't trust you. We had that thing, where I was the runt of the litter with the hottest girlfriend. And you taught me things about myself that I will treasure forever, but I don't trust you. I love you,... but... Take it easy, Riana. (SLOW GUITAR MUSIC) (CAR ENGINE ROARS) Stick to driving. Yeah. Stick to fucking driving, Bert. Hey, Sparky's welcome-home party. Great. (VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRS) I liked what we did last night. It was fun. It was necessary. I wanna do more. Well, you are welcome to it, because I'd much rather do less. We're off down the pub. You're not staying for Sparky's welcome-home party? Nah, we need to talk ` work stuff. I wanna do work like them. Us chicks can do what they can, right? Well, you are right about the work thing ` I'll give you that. This place isn't a bloody hotel, so if you wanna stay here, you do need to pay your way. Fine. I'll start looking tomorrow. But jobs are pretty thin on the ground these days. Well, actually, I know someone who'd hire you today, given the chance. Yeah? What sort of job? Hospitality ` that kind of thing. Sort of like waitressing or...? Yeah, sort of. Yeah, I'm game. Danny. Thanks for meeting with us. I know you're a busy man. Business is pumping, Rita. But I always make time to meet prospective employees. And you must be Cheryl. Well, you are stunning. Thank you, Danny. This is my son Hayden. But anyway, I hear you're looking for work. Sure. Cheryl's very motivated. Excellent. Well I'm not sure how much Rita's actually told you. Mm. But basically, what we offer is high-quality service to very wealthy customers. So I'd get tips? Yes, lots of tips. Mm-hm. Well, if you go the extra mile. And what sort of hours would it be? Um, mostly nights. Sometimes days. Oh, so the restaurant's open for lunch. Yes, well, a lot of business is done during the lunch hours, and um... Listen, Cheryl, I am a firm believer in first impressions, and I think that you are gonna be perfect for this job. You really think so? (CHUCKLES) Really. He's done it again, Danny! Theresa, what the hell? That fucking merchant banker, trying to go bareback. I had to punch him on the nose. Hayden, go and sort this out. Do I have to? Yes, you do. It's what I'm training you to do! This is a fucking brothel? Yeah. You think I'm a prostitute? Oh, sorry. It's just when you said you were game, I assumed you meant you were on the game. Oh, you're such a bitch. And to you, I always will be! Would you stop sending me these women? I'm so sorry, but I've gotta have my fun somehow. (LAUGHS) Rita and Cheryl seem to be getting on better. And you think that'll last? No. No. TH' DUDES: # Don't bother to spin me another line... You should be proud of yourself, son. Why? Well, the truth is, if you hadn't stepped in, I'd probably still be sitting around trying to work out how to dodge these bloody cameras. Drawing your shitty drawings. Yeah. You made it a reality, Wolf. This job ` it's your job now. I wouldn't trust it to anyone else. To the job. To the job. Evening, gents. Oh, look, son ` it's bacon and eggs. Touching family moment you've got going on here, Ted. Yeah. What do they call it in the books, quality time? And is this boy of yours old enough to be drinking in this establishment? I'm just having a beer with my son, Mike. Don't you have other crimes or other people's children to be looking after? But I've always got time for you Ted. Don't you forget that. # My first time. Don't bother to spin me another line... # (SCOFFS) Bacon and eggs? Better than your usual piggy jokes, I guess. Hey, don't knock the jokes, son. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Wham-bam... thank you, security van. Make sure no one goes near the van. It'll cost you. How much? I want a root. It has begun? It has begun. Enough fucking around! (TYRES SQUEAL) Avoid! Alpha team, are you there? It's Papa Smurf. Just lie back, enjoy the trip. (YELLS) Wolf! (GRUNTS)