# Sucker love is heaven sent # You pucker up, our passion's spent # My heart's a tart, Your body's rent # My body's broken, yours is bent # Carve your name into my arm # Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed # Cos there's nothing else to do # Every me and every you # Sucker love I would abuse # No circumstances could excuse # In the shape of things to come # Too much poison come undone # Cos there's nothing else to do # Every me and every you # Every me and every you # Every me-ee-ee # Sucker love is known to swing # Prone to cling and waste these things # Pucker up, for heaven's sake # There's never been so much at stake # I serve my head up on a plate # It's only comfort, calling late # Cos there's nothing else to do # Every me and every you # Every me and every you # Every me-ee-ee # Every me and every you # Every me-ee-ee Sebastian. Sebastian, let's try and focus. What can I possibly say? I'm a fool. You're not a fool... Yes, I am. I can't feel sorry for myself cos I'm some poor little rich boy. It's not your fault! Adolescence is a difficult time, and without great parenting things can go awry. But you have to rise above their mistakes. Here. Autographed copy?! Can I keep this? It's yours. You have to stop being so hard on yourself. What's in the past is over. You're right. You know, it's... hard to believe there was a period in my life when all I could think about was... sex. No. It's no way to go through life. I know. I mean, take yourself, for example... You're... a very attractive woman. You have killer legs. I'd love to photograph them. That was the old me. I'm cured now. I'm so proud of you. Same time next week? Oh, didn't I say? I'm going on my book tour. I'll be back in a month. Why? Because other people need my help, too. You're gonna do just fine. I hope so. If you need anything at all, just call my service. I could use a hug. Aaargh... All rightie... There you go... (PHONE RINGS) Yes? "Your daughter on one." Tell her to hold. This her? That's my Marcy. She seems nice. Straight-A student, exceptionally rounded young woman. She's attending Princeton this fall. Wow... This is exactly the type of girl I should be with. She's a little out of your league. No offence. Oh, well... So, take good care of yourself, Sebastian. Thank you ` for everything. Schmuck! (PHONE RINGS) Yes? "Your daughter's still holding." Oh, God... Hi, honey. "You kept me on hold?!" I'm sorry. Is something wrong? He told me he loved me! And I believed him! "I'm so stupid!" Now, darling, it's OK. Just calm down, take a deep breath, step out of the circle ` Oh, would you cut your psychobabble bullshit, Mom?! There's pictures of me on the Internet! "What kind of pictures?" Nudie pictures! What do you think?! "Jesus... Christ!" How could you be so stupid?! He was just so... charming. All he did was say how I had killer legs, and how he wanted to photograph them, and things just got completely out of hand! Mom? Are you there? "Mom?!" "Mother?!!" Sebastian! Sebastian! You're gonna pay for this, you little shit! You hear me?! You sicko pervert! What's her problem? (ABUSE CONTINUES) Looks like someone's in need of some therapy. Ma'am? You won't get away with this! Get away from me! So what's your name? Clorissa. Clorissa? God, you're beautiful! Thank you. I'm gonna take you to lunch. OK. (SHRIEKING ABOVE) (CAR HORNS) Sir, there's no parking, sir... You can't park... You can't... We're so happy Cecile will attend Manchester with you this fall. You're an inspiration to Beau and I in raising her. We just hope she can rise to the high standards you've set for her. I'll do my best. Go mo, Mai-Lee. What was that? I was thanking her. Vietnamese is a beautiful language, don't you think? Kathryn is one of the most popular girls at school. Listen to what she says and you'll go far. How do you do it? Where do you get your strength? Well, I know this sounds corny, but whenever I feel the temptation of peer pressure, I turn to God and He helps me through the problem. Oh, that's beautiful! What are the boys like? Ow! Cecile! Is that all you can think of? A-ha-ha-ha-haa... Forgive her, Kathryn. She's never been in a... co-educational atmosphere before. Oh, it's understandable. Most of the boys at Manchester are upstanding gentlemen. However, there are the occasional bad apples. Like your stepbrother Sebastian. I can't believe he wasn't expelled for what he did to the nurse. I hear she's recovering quite well. (LOUD) Nice to see you again, Mrs Caldwell! You remember my daughter Cecile? My, what an adorable shirt you're wearing. Thanks. My father took me on a trip to Australia. How are things down under? Blossoming, I hope. Sebastian! Oh. I'm so sorry. Well, I think we'll be going now. Thank you so much. Cecile, I'll call. We can plan your curriculum. OK, thanks. It was nice meeting you. Mm-wah! Ciao. Let's go, Cecile ` now. Keep your legs together ` this isn't Jamaica! I didn't know it was Asshole Day at the Valmont house! Just taking the poor girl under my wing. The parental units called. How is your gold-digging whore of a mother enjoying Bali? She suspects your impotent, alcoholic father is diddling the maid. Good. What's wrong with you today? Therapy not going well? It was fine. Clorissa. "Call me." Prr! I'm sick of sleeping with these insipid Manhattan debutantes! Nothing shocks them any more. Well, relax. I have a mission for you. What? Remember Court Reynolds? Son of Garrett Reynolds? 'Oh, the Nazi who dumped you over 4th of July?' 'I went to great lengths to please Court. Huge sacrifices were made.' 'Sorry.' My feelings were hurt when I learned Court had fallen for someone else. You don't mean...? 'None other than Cecile Caldwell.' So that's what this is all about. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer. When I'm done, Cecile will be the premier tramp of the New York area, and Court's little princess will be damaged goods. Why go through Cecile? Why not just attack Court? Because an attack on Court could be traced back to me, and I can't allow that to happen. Everybody loves me, and I intend to keep it that way. Hm. I see your point. Why should I care? Because I need you to seduce our young Cecile. She's quite cute, you know. Young, supple breasts,... a tight,... firm ass,... uncharted pooty... Be her Captain Picard, Valmont... Boldly go... where no man has gone before. I can't. Why not? Oh, come on, Kathryn! It's too easy. Get one of your moron friends to do it. I have a reputation to uphold. But the therapist's daughter's a challenge(?) She was overcharging. This... is a challenge. I know how to alleviate menstrual cramps, thanks! Shut up and turn to page 64. "Why I plan to wait", by Annette Hargrove, Kansas City, Kansas. Jesus Christ, is she for real?! Oh, she's daddy's little angel. A paradigm of chastity and virtue. Let's see... Boring, boring, boring... "I love my parents." Boring, boring, boring... "Making a mature decision..." Here! She has a boyfriend named Trevor. "Going out for a year..." "Trevor understands." Trevor's a fag. Too bad for you she lives in Kansas. Au contraire. The virgin's father is to be our new headmaster. She's staying with my aunt while her parents sell their house. Can you imagine what this will do for my reputation? Screwing the new headmaster's daughter before school starts. She'll be my greatest victory. You don't stand a chance. Even this is out of your league. Care to make a wager on that? I'll think about it. Oh well,... duty calls. Dr Greenbaum and daughter should make for an exciting entry. Oh, gee, your journal. Could you be more queer? Could you be more desperate to read it? Oh, Sebastian? Could you come here for a second? About that little wager of yours... Count me in. What are the terms? If I win,... then that hot little car of yours... is mine. And if I win? I'll give you something you've obsessed about ever since our parents got married. Be more... specific. In English,... I'll fuck your brains out. What makes you think I'd go for that? That's a 1956 Jaguar roadster. Because I'm the only person you can't have, and it kills you. No way. You can put it anywhere. You got yourself a bet, baby. Happy hunting, Sebastian. Your home is so beautiful, Mrs Rosemont. Thank you, Annette. It's been in my family for over 100 years. Does your family ride much? Mr Grandpa used to breed horses on his farm. (GUNSHOT) What was that? Sebastian must be home! Pull! Sebastian! Ah, fuck me! Aunt Helen! Sweet pea! God, I've missed you! I looked all over for you. I missed you, too. I want you to meet Annette. Annette Hargrove, this is Sebastian. Hello. She'll be staying with me for a few weeks. Guess that makes two of us. Welcome. Thank you. Aunt Helen, why don't you whip us up some of that iced tea of yours? I'll tend to Annette. All right. Don't get into any trouble. We won't. We won't. Come on. Quickly. Lots to see. I read your manifesto. You did? Mm-hm. I must say, I found it rather... appalling. That's a first. Most people praise me for it. Most people are sheep. You criticise something you've never experienced. I wasn't. I just believe the act of love is for when you're in love, and I don't think people our age are mature enough for that. Are you a lesbian? No. No offence meant ` I just picked up a bit of that lesbian vibe. I wouldn't expect a man of your experience to understand my beliefs. What's that supposed to mean? I've been well informed of your reputation. What have you heard?! That you promise girls the world to get them in bed. Who told you this? A friend wrote me. That's a little tacky. Why so surprised? It's the truth, isn't it? If you say so. (CELLO) 'That's good. OK, let's try the G major scale.' Once again, and remember the third note is sharp. (BAD NOTE) Oh, I suck! I suck! (CHUCKLES) Relax, OK? Take a deep breath... You're concentrating too much on your bowing. Just let it flow. Here, let me help you. Now close your eyes... (PLAYS SOULFULLY) Mai-Lee, be careful! We've had this discussion. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. Your playing was beautiful. Kathryn, this is Ronald Clifford. He's giving me music lessons. Nice to meet you. Likewise, I'm sure. Ronald is attending pre-Julliard. He's composing his first opera. It's based on Dr Martin Luther King. Dr King is my favourite... Well, I... I guess our hour is up. Same time tomorrow? Bye. Bye. 'Unbelievable! Some fag ` no offence ` None taken. ...wrote to this chick describing my lascivious tactics. Any idea who it could be? Blaine, if I knew, they'd be in a momentous amount of pain! Where did the little girl say she was from? Kansas. Who the hell do I know in Kansas? Greg McConnell. The football stud? Mm-hm. He's from Kansas City. I wouldn't be surprised if he was your rat. It'd make sense. McConnell hates me. I fingered his girlfriend at Homecoming. I don't think that bothered him so much. What do you mean? Let's just say Greg likes to tackle the tight ends on and off the field. Are you shitting me? I shit you not. He used to sneak into my dorm room drunk every month. We'd go at it, then as soon as he'd come, he'd freak out ` "What are you doing, man?! I'm not a fag! If you tell anybody, I'll kick your ass!" I only let him keep up the charade cos he has a mouth like a Hoover. Shit, too bad he's in Kansas this summer. Oh, not any more. Football team started practice last week. He's back in the dorm. He already called me for a pillow-kissing session. Good for you. Well, do you think you could arrange a little get-together with him tonight? Hm... I do believe Spartacus is on TV tonight. Outstanding. But don't think this one won't cost you. Just make sure your front door is unlocked. Shall we say the stroke of midnight? No pun intended. OK, stroke of midnight it is. Hasta. I take out my dick, OK, and I shove it right in her face, and I'm, like, "What am I, Grandma with a birthday present?! "Suck it, you dumb bitch!" The Gregster! Yes, the Gregster! Yes! (PHONE RINGS) Hey. Gregory? Hey, Blaine. So rumour has it you went on a date with Court Reynolds. I hear he's very nice. He's all right. Kept on about this bulimic headcase he dumped over the 4th of July. Really? Bulimic headcase? Yeah. What a loser she must be! Ow! Sorry. Anyhoo, Court's invited me to the Hamptons for Labor Day weekend. That's great. You think so? I don't know. I guess I'm just scared. Of what? Duh! Boys. I've never even gone to first base with a guy. Haven't you ever practised on one of your girlfriends? Ew, no! That's gross! It's not - how else do you think girls learn? OK, face me. Now, close your eyes... and wet your lips. Are you for real? You wanna learn or not? I guess. See, that wasn't so scary. It was nothing. OK, let's try it again, only this time I'll stick my tongue in your mouth. And when I do, I want you to massage my tongue with yours. That's what first base is. OK. Eyes closed. Not bad. That was cool... Maybe you should try it on your friend Ronald sometime. What are you saying? Oh, come on, it's obvious he's crazy about you. He sends me letters, you know. (Love letters!) That's so romantic. Have you responded? No. Well, don't you like him? I do like him! I think about him all the time! If my mother found out she'd kill me! You did hide the letters, right? (In an antique doll house in my room.) OK, I want you to make copies of the letters and bring them to me. Why? Because I excel at love letters. With my help, Ronald will be eating out of your hand. Maybe we could even arrange a get-together for you at my house. You'd do that for me? Of course, silly. We're friends, right? Best friends! Do you wanna have a sleep-over? (VERY LOUD OPERA MUSIC) Hello? Excuse me? Excuse me. What a pleasant surprise. (MUSIC OFF) You know this music is playing in every room of the house? It's not. Just yours. I thought you'd be pleased. (DISCO) # Love me, love me... # Say that you love me... So, what are you doing in your room? Reading. Anything interesting? Yes, actually, it's quite intriguing. For you. Something to start the new school year with. You didn't have to do this. You hate it, it's lame. No, I love it! You just didn't have to do it. Think you can pry yourself away and join me for a swim? I know it's 10 o'clock and all, but we are reasonably young. I suppose your proposal was only mildly insulting, so maybe I'll consider it. Give me a minute. (PHONE RINGS) Fuck her yet? "I'm workin' on it." Loser. Blow me. "Call me later?" OK. (MOOD MUSIC) Sebastian? Mind turning around so I can put on my bathing suit? Sebastian? Mind turning around so I can put on my bathing suit? I'm sorry, I'm sorry... (Oh my God... That's so embarrassing...) It amazes me someone as charming as you could be so manipulative. We're not on this letter nonsense again, are we? What was my favourite part... Oh, right... "Even more treacherous than he is attractive. He never utters a word without a dishonourable intention. Every woman he has successfully pursued has regretted it. Stay away from him." You could at least have the decency to tell me who's bad-mouthing me, so I could confront them. Not a chance. You're right, you know. About what? You're right, you know. About what? About what you said today. I've done some things I'm not proud of. Look, I wasn't trying to give you a hard time. No, it's OK. I mean, I look at you, with all your morals and values, and... you seem to be happy in your choices. I envy you. No bullshit. Really? Seriously. And you have everything going for you ` you're smart, beautiful, determined... Everything I'd want in a girlfriend. You know I'm seeing someone. Oh, yes, the infamous Trevor. Funny how you haven't mentioned him until now. He's backpacking through Europe. He's great. I really miss him. I care. I'm sorry, but you're not my type. Honestly? Honestly. "You're smart, beautiful,... determined..." Listing my qualities won't get you anywhere with me. The best you can hope for is my friendship, and you're really walking a fine line with that. Night, sweet pea. (GROANING FROM BEDROOM) Baby... Baby?! Right on time. Shit! Give me my fuckin' underwear! All right! Don't get so huffy! Well, what do we have here? Look, Valmont... This is the first time I ever did anything like this. I was just` Really drunk and blah-blah-blah. Please don't tell anyone. This could ruin my whole career, man. Your career? Greg, what about your family? Can you imagine the humiliation your father will feel when he finds out his pride and joy is a fudge-packer? I... I'll do anything. Let's just forget about this whole thing, OK? Hm... No. Can't help you there. After all, you bad-mouthed me to Annette Hargrove. Annette? What are you talking about? You're the only one who knows her. The truth will save you. I never said a word about you! I promise! Come to think of it, he's probably telling the truth. He can barely write a grocery list, let alone a letter. What was I thinking? All right,... I believe you. Your secret's safe with me. Actually,... there is something you can do for me. So what else do you know about Sebastian? Well, he's smart as hell, you know? He's... really dedicated to achieving his goals. Always gives 110%. He's always watched my back. He's got a bad rep, you know, but it's mostly bullshit. I don't know, Greg, I've heard some awful things about him. Oh, yeah? From who? I can't really say. I'm sworn to secrecy. Annette, how long have we known each other? Forever. Exactly. Now it's my job to look out for you, right? You're like a sister to me. Besides, do I look like a gossip queen to you? It's me, Greg! The Gregster! I'm serious. OK, you promise not to tell anybody? Annette,... I swear to you on my momma's life. Ha... That nosy bitch! Are you sure? Positive, man. She said Mrs Caldwell. They met at orientation. OK, next, did you do everything I asked you to do? Yeah. Think she bought it? I'm pretty sure she did. Pretty sure or sure sure? She bought it. She tried to out-do me with a one-handed cartwheel, which is so stupid, cos I told her before I can do this, and I can do it for a really long time, and my best friends Sue and Kelly and Frances... Wow... Are you OK? Yeah. You would not believe` Shh! (BEEPER) Shit, it's my mom. Gotta go. I should get goin', too. "I'll see you tomorrow?" "Absolutely." Ugh... Goodbye. Peace out. Peace out?! Moron! Ahem. OK, what's wrong with you? Are you ready for this? I've discovered that our good friend Mrs Caldwell sent the letter to Annette urging her to stay away from me. Interesting. Yes, it is. I now plan to devote all my energies to destroying the douche-bag. Ah, but the plot thickens. It appears Cecile has fallen for her music teacher. Mrs Caldwell will love that. But our Don Juan is moving with the speed of a Special Olympic hurdler. What's your plan of attack? I rat Cecile out to Mommy, Mommy goes ballistic and stamps it out. Boo-hoo. (FEEBLE) But who will they turn to for help? Cecile is planning on, er... going away with Court next week. I'll need you to speed up her sexual awakenings. I'm at your service. Thank you. Ahh... That feels good... Oh, Sis, you're so tense. I know... I hate it when things don't go my way. It makes me so... horny. I hate it, too. Seems like... things are looking up for you. Ah... It appears so... Any luck with your girl? Moving along quite well... Have you succeeded... in your task? Any day now. Well,... let me know when you do. Until then,... down, boy. Oh, come on! (PHONE RINGS) Hello? Hi, it's Sebastian. I didn't wake you, did I? No, not at all. "Good." Um,... did I leave my glasses there? Um, no, I don't think so. All right. Well, I guess I'll see you around. Is that really why you called? No. I called because I miss talking to you. A moment of honesty. Yeah, well, don't get used to it. I'm not liking it. "What are you doing tomorrow?" "I'm going out with you." I got your message and came as quick as I could. I hope I you weren't busy. Not at all. What's wrong? It's Cecile. What about her? You promise not to say anything? You have my word. It isn't drugs, is it? It's worse. I think something's going on between Cecile and her music teacher. Ronald?! That's crazy! I know. She's so young, and he's so ` Black! Er, brown sugar... No sugar. He sends her love letters that she hides under her doll house. I questioned whether or not to tell you, but something like this could destroy her reputation. I hope I did the right thing. I'd hate to see Cecile ruin things with Court. No, I can't thank you enough. You will be discreet about this? Absolutely! (CELLO) Who the hell do you think you are?! Excuse me? I pay you to give cello lessons, not to pervert my child. Mrs Caldwell, there's some misunderstanding... Care to explain this, then? Where... did you find those? Margarita found them while cleaning. Now go to your room ` now. Mom... Now! How dare you do this to me?! I got you off the streets, and this is how you repay me?! Got me off the streets? I live at 59th and Park. Whatever! You are never to set foot in this house again, and you are never, never, to see my daughter again. Is that understood? First of all, I never touched your daughter. Second, I'd like to think someone of your stature could look beyond racial lines. Oh, don't give me that racist crap! My husband and I gave money to Colin Powell! I guess that puts me in my place. Thank you for your hospitality, Mrs Caldwell. It was a true awakening. The black man's gone! The black man's gone! Thank Jesus! The black man's gone! Wow! I never knew she had these types of feelings. You're a lucky guy. So what do I do? You should tell her you love her. But Mrs Caldwell will have me shot if I go near her! I don't even know her e-mail address. Ronald, e-mail is for geeks and paedophiles. Be romantic. Write her another letter. Well, how will I get it to her? (BOTH) We'll see she gets it. Why are you guys doing this for me? Because... Because we want to see Cecile happy. And we know that... you'd make her happy. You'd make any girl happy. You guys mind if I have some privacy? You can use my room ` it's across the hall. Make yourself at home. Who are you calling? Cecile. What are you doing? I just want to make you aware of the damage we're about to cause. I'm aware. Are you really? We've done some fucked-up shit in our time, but this is... We're destroying an innocent girl ` you do realise that? Court Reynolds is going down, and if you won't help me, somebody else will. You amaze me. Eat me, Sebastian! It's OK for guys like you and Court to fuck everyone, but when I do it I get dumped for twits like Cecile. God forbid I exude confidence and enjoy sex! Do you think I relish having to act like Mary Sunshine 24-7 so I can be considered a lady? I'm the Marsha fucking Brady of the Upper East Side, and sometimes I wanna kill myself. So there's your psychoanalysis, Dr Freud. Now tell me,... are you in, or are you out? Call her. "Hello?" Cecile, it's Kathryn. "(SOBS)" OK, stop crying. Stop crying. You know what? Hold on for Sebastian. Cecile? (WHINING) Stop crying. Now listen to me very carefully. I have a letter from Ronald. He asked me to give it to you. Now, I can't bring it over since your mother despises me, so here's what we'll do. (MUSICAL INTERLUDE) Finished. (BELCHES) This doesn't even taste like iced tea. It's from Long Island. How's the letter? It's excellent. You think he'll like it? Oh my God, he'll love it! Are you kidding? What are you doing? Just taking your photo. You know, you could be a model. Really? It's too bad you're not sexy. I can be sexy! (BORED) All right, show me sexy. Wow. That's... That's very sexy. Why don't you make yourself more comfortable? Mmmmm... No-no-no-no. Come here. Now that's sexy. Whoo... Cecile... What? Know what'd be super-dooper sexy? If you lost all the clothes. A-ha-ha... I don't think so. I'm sorry, that was out of line. I think I should go home now. OK, I'll call your mom and have her pick you up. My mom?! You can't call my mom! Oh, wow! She doesn't know you're here! In fact, you're probably grounded. I should call her anyway. No, please! Please! I'll do anything! Just don't call my mom! Cecile! All I wanna do is give you a kiss. Just a kiss? I swear. What are you doing? You promised to let me kiss you. But then why ` Uh-uh... I don't wanna kiss you here, I wanna kiss you... there. Huh?! A promise is a promise, Cecile. Mm-hm. A promise is a promise... (GIGGLES) That tickles! Hello. (HORN TOOTS) (BLOWS) Kia ora. (SIGMA'S 'CHANGING' FEATURING PALOMA FAITH) # Hell down, heaven now, livin' in the same town, trying to find somethin' new. Hello. (HORN TOOTS) (BUTTONS BEEP) Hey! # Everythin' is changin'. No, it's a wee one. (OINKS) (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) Jambo. Salaam alaikum. (DRONE WHIRRS) Hello. I'm home. (BEEP!) (BEEPING) ALL: Hey! (ELECTRONIC WHIRRING) Hello. (BUZZING, CHILDREN CHUCKLE) Hello from the children of Planet Earth. Cecile, are you up yet? You'll be late for the... Cecile? "I need a hug." Cecile! Yeah? Jesus Christ, where have you been?! Shopping? Well, hurry up! You're supposed to be at Mrs Rosemont's before brunch. She's very important to the school and I want you to look your best. OK. OK, go. Afternoon, ladies. I didn't know you'd be here. I wasn't planning on it, but why waste such a lovely day in the city? Good point. Anyone for tennis? Excuse me. That was rude. She's very strange. Oh, what am I gonna do? Is something wrong? That was Mrs Collins. They need volunteers at the retirement home. But I have theatre tickets. Oh, that's terrible. I have a thought ` why don't you two fill in for me? I'd love to. You two are the best! Thank you. So sweet of you! Can't help it. (PARROT) Stop it... Stop it... Isn't she beautiful? It's so wonderful when the young people come by to help out. Most of our patients don't have much family nearby. Here we are. Mr Gottlieb, we have a visitor for you. Hi. No-no-no ` I've got somebody special for you, baby. Come on. Oh, did I ever tell you the time when my late husband` Yes, you did, Mrs Sugarman. Oh, I did? Right after we played backgammon. Oh, we played backgammon? Uh-huh. You beat me three times. I did? Yup. Then I fucked your daughter. Excuse me? I said would you care for some water? No, thank you. (KNOCK AT DOOR) Come in. Hi! How's it going in here? Oh... Oh, we played backgammon, and I won three times! Oooooh! You go on with your bad self! Isn't it wonderful? I told you she was special! Oh, my... That was fun. Mm. It's weird, I actually feel good about myself. Mrs Sugarman's cool. Come on! What? Mrs Sugarman's cool? She is! You must think I'm a real idiot. No, I don't. Are you telling me you had a good time with that old lady? I did. We played backgammon... OK, I was bored out of my mind. I hate doing charity. It's OK. Doesn't make you a bad person. Yes, it does. No, it doesn't. I can't win with you. It's not about winning, Sebastian. Know what your problem is? You take yourself way too seriously. I do not. Yes, you do. You should try to lighten up. I am lightened. Can we drop this? Fine. What are you doing? Stop it ` it's distracting! Cut it out! Stop that! Are you smiling? No. No?! Will you stop?! It's OK, you can laugh. I promise I won't tell anybody. (KNOCK AT DOOR) Who is it? Kathryn. Are you OK? No! Calm down. Tell me what's wrong. Something... awful happened last night. What do you mean? I don't think you wanna know. Cecile, you have to tell me. I... It involves your brother... He... He took advantage of me. Why didn't you do something? I don't know. Let me get this straight. You came to our house late last night, and he forced intercourse on you? Not exactly. He... made you give him a blow job? No... Ew! Well, what, then?! (He took down my pants and started writing the alphabet, but he was writing it with his tongue.) He went down on you? If that's what you call it! Well, did you like it? No! No? Well,... I don't know, it was weird. I mean, at first it felt icky, and then it was sort of OK... And then... Then I started getting really hot, and then I started... shaking and... Then, I don't know, it was weird, it felt like an explosion. But a good one. Cecile, you had an orgasm. I did? You're becoming a woman. I'm so proud of you. I am?! Haa! Cecile! Listen, now you're on your way, it would be stupid of you to stop. Think of Sebastian... as a tutor. Let him instruct you. But I don't love him. I love Ronald. So? Don't you want to make Ronald happy? Practise makes perfect, Cecile. My advice is to sleep with as many people as possible. But that would make me a slut,... wouldn't it? Cecile, everybody does it. It's just that nobody talks about it. So it's like a secret society? That's one way of looking at it. (Fucking idiot!) Cool! # Yeah... Uh, uh... # Secret society, secret society... Am I supposed to feel this sore? For the first time, yes. It'll pass. I like it better when I'm on top. Cecile... This is what I like to call "quiet time". It's the time when we reflect on the things we've just done. Sorry! Something's the matter? You think? Is it me? No. You were fine. It's that Annette girl. You love her, don't you? It's OK. I don't love you, either. Haa! I love Ronald. I'm getting out of here. Where are you going?! I'm taking a shower. Want any company? No. Want a blow job? Goodnight, Cecile. Ru-ude! Who are you spying on? That her? Yeah. Oh no, she's crying! Wittle baby's upset by the big bad book. Shut up! What's up your ass?! Nothing. She's really getting to you, isn't she? If you must know, yes. I don't know what to do. I can't stand the holier-than-thou bullshit, yet I'm completely infatuated with her. She made me laugh. So that's why you're losing our bet? I'm not losing our bet. It's just taking a bit longer than I expected. Do you mind if I... take my new car for a ride? Kathryn, the only thing you'll be riding is me. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some work to do. Bonjour, mademoiselle. Bonjour, Monsieur Valmont. (PANTS) I'm sorry about that. I am, too. No, I'm not sorry! I don't take it back! I thought we were gonna be friends. I can't handle it. I can't bottle up my feelings like you. Can you honestly tell me you feel nothing for me? Yeah,... I have feelings for you. Then what's wrong?! It's not like you have a husband! Unless you're married to Jesus! That's not fair! Why can't we be together? You really wanna know why? Yes, I wanna know why! Because I don't trust myself with you. (KNOCK AT DOOR) Come in. Hi. I just came to say goodbye. Where are you going? Back to the city, maybe the South of France for a while... I just can't take your games any more. What games? Oh, come off it. You're hot one minute, cold the next... You make me feel inadequate. Then I guess it's best that you're leaving. Good for you. Sebastian,... I don't want us to part on bad terms. Well, I'm afraid you have no choice in the matter. You're a hypocrite. I don't associate with hypocrites. How am I a hypocrite? Oh, please! You preach about waiting for love ` well, here it is, and you're gonna turn your back on it. So I guess we're just fucked. I'll move on,... but you will spend the rest of your life knowing you turned your back on love, and that makes you a hypocrite. Have a nice life. Wait. I'm sorry, I can't. Get it together, you pussy. Morning. Morning. So, how'd it go last night? With who? Well, I know how it went with Cecile ` she won't shut up about it. If you're asking if I nailed her, the answer is no. She shot you down? Exactly the opposite. So what went wrong? I don't know. She was... lying on the bed... ready to do it, but... I was... I just didn't feel right about it. You had a chance to fuck her and you didn't? God, are you a chump! Ooh! If you're heading for her room, you won't find her. Where is she? You don't know? She left 30 minutes ago. Where... did she... go? She apologised to your aunt and told her... she was gonna stay with some friends. You blew it, Sebastian. That girl's come to her senses and she'll never go near you again. Stupid... Stupid... Stupid... Judy... I'll save that. (PHONE RINGS) Hello? Greg, it's Valmont. Is she with you? No! "Where is she?" I don't know. Can't you just leave her be? Where is she?! OK, OK! She's with her friends' parents, the Michalaks. "She just caught a train into Penn Station." Thank you. No problem. # I am colour... blind # Coffee black and egg white # Pull me out from inside # I am ready, I am ready # I am ready, I am... # Taffy-stuck and tongue-tied # Stutter-shook and uptight... I'm impressed. Well, I'm in love. # Pull me out from inside # I am ready, I am ready # I am ready, I am... # Fine # I am covered in skin # No-one gets to come in Are you OK? # Pull me out from inside # I am folded, and unfolded # And unfolding I am... # Colour... blind # I am ready, I am ready # I am ready, I am... # Fine # I am fine # I am... fine (SEXUAL MOANING) Just a minute... (WHISPERING) Come in. Bad time? Kind of. Well, you obviously wanted me to witness your little adventure or you wouldn't have invited me in. Who is our friend who gives you such pleasure? Where could he be? Hi. Some fucked-up shit in this house. Call me. You don't get to have all the fun. So I assume you've come here to make arrangements. Some other time. Excuse me? I'm not in the mood. I wanna fuck! And I don't! Good afternoon, Kathryn. 'Sounds great.' I love you, too. "I love you, too"? My God, you're completely pussy-whipped. Stop it! What happened to us? Nothing has changed. Yes, it has. You're in love with her. You don't love me any more. Oh, come on, it's just a bet. This is ridiculous. What's ridiculous, dear brother, is you! Look at yourself! Look what you've been reduced to! And what will happen when school starts? Not only are you dating Miss Seventeen, she's the new headmaster's daughter. Before you know it you'll be giving campus tours with her. Oh, wait... Her father doesn't know about your past, does he? I doubt he'd let his little princess be seen with the likes of you. Hm... It's so disappointing that Annette's manifesto was a total sham. You know, as Student Body President, I feel it's my duty to tell him. Put the phone down. Shh. This'll only take a second. Quite the predicament you're in. I don't care what you say. The fact is, I planned on telling her everything this afternoon. Oh, that's right. I forgot,... you're so in love. Do you honestly believe you've done a complete 180 in the few days you've known her? Well, let me tell you something ` people don't change overnight. You and I are two of a kind. At least I have the guts to admit it. You were gonna leave school a legend. Now you'll leave a joke. I'm willing to take my chances. Don't do it, Sebastian. You'll not only ruin your reputation, you'll destroy hers. (MUSICAL INTERLUDE) Hi. Hi. And this is my room... Do you think we can be quiet? There's something I have to tell you. Tell me. This isn't working for me any more. Yeah, me neither(!) What's wrong? It's not you, it's me. I'm completely fucked-up. What are you saying? I thought I was in love with you, but it was just a lie. I wanted it to work, but unfortunately I feel nothing. Why are you doing this? I just wanted to see what you were like in bed. I know you don't mean that. You know nothing! You don't even know me! The fact is there is someone I love. You don't even compare to her. I don't believe you. I don't know how to make this any clearer to you. You mean nothing to me. You were just... You were just a conquest. You're such a coward. Look at yourself ` you're shaking. Is this what you came to tell me? I'm-I'm sorry, I'm completely... Yeah, you're completely fucked-up! Get out. Get out! Don't touch me! Don't touch me. Don't fucking touch me, Sebastian! Don't! Just leave. Jesus. Little melodramatic, don't you think? I thought you'd like to know what happened between Annette and I. It's over. Really? You were right. I can't change. You and I are two of a kind. I thought we should celebrate. I'd love to. But unfortunately I'm expecting some company. Who? Ronald? Not that it's any of your business, but yes. From Ronald. I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but I'm pretty sure it goes something like... "Yadda-yadda-yadda, you mean a lot to me, hope we can stay friends, etc, etc, etc." You see, I expected your sort of bullshit, so I took the liberty of arranging a get-together for Ronald and Cecile. You were right... You do get dumped for the innocent twits. Well done. Thank you. Now,... where were we? Oh, yes, the celebration. What shall we toast to? To my triumph. It's not my choice of toast, but it's your call. To your triumph over Annette. (CHUCKLES) What's so funny? Silly rabbit. My triumph isn't over her. It's over you. Come again? You were very much in love with her. And you're still in love with her. But it amused me to make you ashamed of it. You gave up on the first person you ever loved because I threatened your reputation. Don't you get it? You're just a toy, Sebastian. A little toy I like to play with. And now you've completely blown it with her. I think it's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Cheers. Tastes good. So I assume you've come here to make some arrangements, but unfortunately... I don't fuck losers. (DOOR CLOSES) Goodbye, Sebastian. It's imperative that I talk to her! "I don't know what to tell you ` she's not here." Could you please tell her I called? "Of course I will." May I help you? I need to see Annette. She's not here. Listen, I'm entertaining some guests` Annette! Annette! I told you she is not here. Could you please see she gets this? I'll do that. It's really important. I understand. Goodnight. I'm terribly sorry about that. You just never know who'll show up at my door! "Dear Annette, I don't know what I can possibly say to rectify the harm I've caused you. Truth is, being with you is the only time I've ever been happy. My whole life has been a joke. I prided myself on taking joy in others' misery. Well, it finally backfired. I succeeded in hurting the first person I loved. Enclosed is my most prized possession, my journal. For a long time I considered it my trophy, a sordid collection of my conquests. If you really want to know the truth, then please read it. No more lies." "Please give me another chance. I'm a wreck without you" (MUSICAL INTERLUDE) (PHONE RINGS) Hello? "Ronald?" Yeah. "It's Kathryn." What's up? "Is everything OK?" No. It's Sebastian. He's out of his mind. "What do you mean?" He hit me, and then he took off. I'm just afraid to be alone. Please, Ronald, I really need you. "OK, OK, just... settle down." "There's more. It involves Cecile." "Stay there. I'll be right over." Son of a bitch... Valmont! Hey, Ronald. We have some talking to do. Well, can we do it later? I've had a really bad night. What's your problem?! Where d'you get off hitting Kathryn? Oh, Christ, she got to you, too. She told me everything. You don't know anything about it. She also told me you fucked Cecile. It's true, isn't it? Ronald, I'm sorry` Fucker! Sebastian? Sebastian! Stop it! Shit! Annette! Sebastian... I-I love you, Annette. I love you, too. Just hold on... As the new headmaster of Manchester Prep, it saddens me to start our new school year off with such a mournful tone. I didn't know anyone else was in here. I'm sorry. I'm Annette Hargrove. Kathryn Merteuil. Have we met? I don't think so. Your father's the new headmaster, right? That's right. I was sorry to hear about your brother. Are you OK? I'll be fine. Did you know Sebastian? You might say that. Such a tragedy, isn't it? Yes, it is. I'll leave you alone now. Are you sure you'll be OK? I'm here if you need a friend. That's great. I know it sounds trite, but sometimes when I feel I can't go on I turn to Jesus, and He helps me through it. Thank you. OK. I'll see you round campus. Looking forward to it(!) Freak. Here we go. However dark the cloud, there's always a silver lining. It might be hard to see, but what we should learn from this experience is to be true to ourselves and to resist peer pressure. As Student Body President, I've tried to set an example in myself. Unfortunately, the one person I could not reach out to in time was my stepbrother Sebastian. I know he's looking down on us today and... Um... I know he's looking down on us today and he'd want me to say... He'd want me to say "Kathryn... He'd want me to say, "Kathryn, I'm sorry... What is going on?! Don't you people have any respect?! # Cos it's a bittersweet... symphony # This life # Trying to make ends meet # You're a slave to money, then you die # I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down # You know, the one that takes you to the places where all things meet, yeah. # No change, I can change, I can change, I can change # But I'm here in my mould, I am here in my mould # But I'm a million different people from one day to the next # I can't change my mould, no-no, no-no-no-no # And I kneel down... # Well, I've never prayed # But tonight I'm on my knees, yeah # I need to hear some sounds that recognise the pain in me, yeah # I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind # I feel free now # But the airwaves are clean # And there's nobody singing to me now # No change, I can change, I can change, I can change # But I'm here in my mould, I am here in my mould # And I'm a million different people from one day to the next # I can't change my mould, no-no, no-no-no