1 www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Able 2017. # SAID I LOVE THE LIE # AND LIE THE LOVE, # HANGIN' ON WITH PUSH AND SHOVE. # POSSESSION IS THE MOTIVATION # HANGIN' UP THE WHOLE DAMN NATION. # LOOKS LIKE WE ALWAYS END UP IN A RUT # TRYIN' TO MAKE IT REAL, # BUT COMPARED TO WHAT? # THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE IS KILLIN' HOGS. # TWISTED CHILDREN ARE KILLIN' FROGS, # POOR, DUMB REDNECKS ROLLIN' LOGS. # TIRED OLD LADIES ARE KISSIN' DOGS. # AND I HATE THAT THE HUMAN, LOVE THAT STINKIN' MUTT. # TRYIN' TO MAKE IT REAL, # BUT COMPARED TO WHAT? # SAID THE PRESIDENT, HE'S GOT HIS WAR. # FOLKS DON'T KNOW JUST WHAT IT'S FOR. # PREACHER'S FILLIN' US WITH FRIGHT, # TELLIN' WHAT HE THINKS IS RIGHT, # TRYIN' TO MAKE IT REAL, YEAH. # TRYIN' TO MAKE IT REAL, REAL, REAL. # TRYIN' TO MAKE IT REAL, # REAL, REAL, YEAH. # TRYIN' TO MAKE IT REAL, YEAH. # OL' YOUNG KING TUT, # HE TRIED, # TRIED, # TRIED, # TRIED TO MAKE IT REAL. # TRIED TO MAKE IT REAL, YEAH. # COMPARED TO WHAT? # (CONVERSING IN GERMAN) YOU LOOK IMPORTANT. OR, AT LEAST, YOUR SUIT DOES. WELL, I CAN GET YOU OVER THE WALL. WOULD YOU CONSIDER THAT IMPORTANT, FRAULEIN SCHMIDT? A SMART MOUTH TO GO WITH THE SUIT. STATEMENTS LIKE THAT CAN GET YOU INTO A LOT OF TROUBLE AROUND HERE. OR, THEY CAN GET YOU OUT OF IT. MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE, WHY DON'T YOU? OK, MR IMPORTANT SUIT, WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT? I'M HERE TO HAVE A FRIENDLY CHAT ABOUT YOUR FATHER. I DON'T HAVE A FATHER. I DON'T MEAN YOUR LATE FOSTER FATHER, THE MECHANIC. I MEAN YOUR REAL FATHER. DR UDO TELLER. HITLER'S FAVOURITE ROCKET SCIENTIST. THAT DOESN'T SOUND VERY FRIENDLY. YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME. I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM FOR 18 YEARS. WELL, AFTER THE WAR, HE CAME TO WORK FOR US. HE'D BEEN ENJOYING THE AMERICAN DREAM. HE HAD A GREAT JOB WORKING FOR THE U.S. NUCLEAR PROGRAMME, PLEASANT HOUSE IN THE SUBURBS, A NEW CADILLAC AND A FAT LITTLE DOG CALLED "SCHNITZEL." THEN, TWO YEARS AGO, HE DISAPPEARED LIKE STEAM FROM A TEA KETTLE. (SPEAKS GERMAN) UNTIL NOW. THIS WAS TAKEN LAST WEEK IN ROME. WHICH ONE IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY FATHER? FUNNY. I'M TOLD THAT IF YOUR FATHER'S KNOWLEDGE GETS INTO THE WRONG HANDS, THINGS COULD GET A LITTLE MESSY. YOU KNOW, END OF THE WORLD. THAT KIND OF THING. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I KNOW WHERE HE IS? I DON'T THINK YOU DO, BUT I THINK YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO DOES. YOUR MOTHER'S BROTHER, UNCLE RUDI. I'VE ALSO BEEN TOLD THAT YOUR FATHER WAS NEVER ACTUALLY A NAZI. HE WAS FORCED TO WORK FOR THEM. SO I'M HERE TO HELP HIM. -WHY DON'T YOU HELP ME. -WITH WHAT? IF I HAD 15 MINUTES, I'D TALK, YOU'D LAUGH, AND WE'D BE ON OUR WAY. UNFORTUNATELY, I DON'T. SO MY OFFER IS COME WITH ME NOW AND BE AT A CHIC LITTLE HOTEL IN WEST BERLIN IN LESS THAN AN HOUR. OR STAY HERE AND SPEND THE NIGHT WITH THE RUSSIANS HANGING FROM A PIPE, HAVING YOUR TOENAILS REMOVED. THAT IS WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR. DO YOU MIND TERRIBLY IF I BORROW YOUR CAR? COULD YOU PASS ME THAT BROWN PAPER BAG FROM MY CASE, PLEASE? ARE THEY STILL FOLLOWING US? YES. IS THERE ONE OF THEM? JUST HUM IF THERE IS. MM. IS HE LOOKING AT US? MM. DOES HE HAVE JUST ONE HAND ON THE STEERING WHEEL? MM-HM. WHEN YOU HEAR SOMETHING THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GUNSHOT, DRIVE. (GUNSHOTS, TYRES SCREECH) DID YOU GET HIM? LET'S JUST HOPE HE DOESN'T DRIVE AS QUICKLY AS HE MOVES. (TYRES SCREECH) I GOT NEWS FOR YOU. HE DOES. MAKE A RIGHT. (TYRES SQUEAL) AND THEN AN IMMEDIATE LEFT. (TYRES SQUEAL) NICELY DONE. HOLD ON. (TYRES SQUEAL) IS HE GONE? YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK SO. REVERSE DOWN THE SIDEWALK, AND THEN DRIVE AROUND THE BLOCK. AND, UH,... MEET ME BACK HERE. (GUNSHOTS, TYRES SQUEAL) (CRASH) (METAL CLANGING) I THINK YOU SHOULD LOOK OUT THE WINDOW. YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS. HE'S TRYING TO STOP THE CAR. WE'RE STRUGGLING HERE. WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A SHOT AT HIM? SOMEHOW IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM LIKE THE RIGHT THING TO DO. FIRST LEFT, THEN IMMEDIATE RIGHT. (TYRES SQUEAL) (SIREN WAILING) THIS ROAD ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE. IT'S TAKING US EXACTLY WHERE WE WANT TO GO. IT'S GETTING NARROWER. NOW, PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN AND DRIVE A LITTLE FASTER. GOOD PLAN. ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS GET OVER TWO 20FT WALLS AND A MINEFIELD. NOW WHAT? (SIREN WAILING) TAKE ANOTHER LEFT THROUGH THE WINDOW. AFTER YOU. (SPEAKING GERMAN) (RADIO CHATTER) FOLLOW ME. WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? WE'RE LOOKING FOR AGENT JONES. (GUNSHOTS) (AIR-RAID SIREN BLARING) (DOGS BARKING) HUG ME. JONES, REVERSE! STEP BACK. THIS PLACE ISN'T CHIC. IT ISN'T EVEN A HOTEL. NO. BUT IT'S SAFER. AND THE FOOD ISN'T BAD. WHAT'S THAT? SMELLS LIKE FEET. EXPENSIVE FEET. (KNOCK AT DOOR) HE'S HERE. OUR COMMITMENT TO DEFEND WESTERN EUROPE AND WEST BERLIN, FOR EXAMPLE, STANDS UNDIMINISHED. THE UNITED STATES WILL MAKE NO DEAL WITH THE SOVIET UNION BECAUSE THE COMMUNIST DRIVE TO IMPOSE THEIR POLITICAL AND ECONOMIC SYSTEM ON OTHERS IS THE PRIMARY CAUSE OF WORLD TENSION TODAY. I TRUST THAT MISS TELLER WAS HELPFUL. YOU WERE RIGHT. THE UNCLE, RUDOLPH VON TRULSCH, IS THE BEST SHOT. THAT'S IT? THAT'S ALL YOU GOT? HE LIVES IN ITALY. ROME. WORKS FOR A SHIPPING COMPANY CALLED VINCIGUERRA. AND NOW YOU HAVE MISS TELLER. MY WORK HERE IS DONE. WE ALREADY KNEW ALL THAT. YOUR JOB HERE IS DONE WHEN I TELL YOU IT'S DONE. YOU TOLD ME THIS WAS GONNA BE A SIMPLE EXTRACTION. IT SHOULDA BEEN. I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO LIGHT UP HALF OF EAST BERLIN. THEY WERE WAITING FOR ME. DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF. THEY FOLLOW EVERYBODY. WHAT WAS WAITING FOR ME WAS BARELY HUMAN. YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN IT RUN. GROW A SPINE, SOLO. CONTRARY TO WHAT YOU MAY THINK, WE ARE NOT IN THE HABERDASHERY BUSINESS. I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND. IT TORE THE BACK OFF MY CAR. REMIND ME, SOLO. HOW LONG WAS YOUR PRISON SENTENCE? YOU OWE ME FIVE MORE YEARS. NOW, I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF ON THE SIDE, WETTING YOUR BEAK, SO TO SPEAK. WE DON'T PAY YOU ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO PUT TRUFFLES IN YOUR RISOTTO, SOLO. BUT DON'T EVER MAKE THE CALAMITOUS ERROR OF MISTAKING MY DELIBERATE SHORT-SIGHTEDNESS FOR BLINDNESS. NOW, YOU REPORT FOR DUTY TOMORROW MORNING, 9AM SHARP. AND WITH A BETTER ATTITUDE. LOOK AT 'EM. MERRILY OBLIVIOUS AS WE LABOUR TIRELESSLY TO SAVE THEM FROM EXTINCTION AND NOT EVEN A THANK YOU. (SIGHS) I TELL MYSELF, SOLO, THAT INSIDE EVERY KRAUT, THERE'S AN AMERICAN TRYING TO GET OUT. A LITTLE TIRED THIS MORNING, SIR? YOU'D BE, TOO, IF YOU'D BEEN UP ALL NIGHT TRYING TO SORT THIS MESS OUT. ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR, SIR, OR...? OR ARE YOU JUST LOOKING? (FLY UNZIPS) WHAT I'M ABOUT TO FEED YOU, SOLO, MIGHT TASTE A LITTLE BITTER. NEVERTHELESS, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SWALLOW IT. WHERE WE GOING WITH THIS, SIR? ADRIAN. KURYAKIN. (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? HE SAID, "DON'T KILL YOUR PARTNER ON YOUR FIRST DAY." I KNOW WHAT HE SAID. WHAT DOES IT MEAN? Smith: THE MAIN INGREDIENT OF AN ATOM BOMB IS ENRICHED URANIUM. DR TELLER WAS ON THE VERGE OF A BREAKTHROUGH WHICH WOULD MASSIVELY SIMPLIFY THIS PROCESS. MAKING IT POSSIBLE FOR ALMOST ANYONE TO BUILD A NUCLEAR DEVICE. WE BELIEVE THAT THE VINCIGUERRA SHIPPING AND AEROSPACE COMPANY IN ROME, WHERE MISS TELLER'S UNCLE RUDI IS A SENIOR EXECUTIVE, IS, IN FACT, THE COVER FOR AN INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL ORGANISATION WITH TIES TO FORMER NAZIS. THE FOUNDER, SERGIO VINCIGUERRA, WAS A FRIEND OF MUSSOLINI AND A KNOWN FASCIST. RUMOUR HAS IT SERGIO WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR SMUGGLING THE NAZIS' GOLD TO SOUTH AMERICA AFTER THE WAR. IT IS NOW RUN BY HIS SON, ALEXANDER, AND HIS WIFE, VICTORIA. AL, HE'S MORE PLAYBOY THAN TYCOON. BUT SHE ` WELL, NOW, SHE'S SOMETHING ELSE ALTOGETHER. ALL OUR INFORMATION INDICATES A LETHAL COMBINATION OF BEAUTY, BRAINS AND AMBITION. SHE'S THE REAL FANATIC. NOW THAT THE OLD MAN IS DEAD, SHE'S RUNNING THE SHOW. WE BELIEVE THEY'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR DR TELLER'S DISAPPEARANCE. NOW,... IMAGINE THE CONSEQUENCES IF HE BUILDS AN ATOM BOMB FOR THEM. WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO WORK TOGETHER ON THIS. YOUR MISSION IS TO INFILTRATE THIS ORGANISATION AND TO RETRIEVE DR TELLER AND HIS RESEARCH. IT WILL BE LOCATED ON A COMPUTER DISK. AND WHOEVER HAS THAT DISK WILL SIMPLY BE THE MOST POWERFUL NATION IN THE WORLD. YOU, SOLO, ARE TO INVESTIGATE VICTORIA AND ALEXANDER VINCIGUERRA. OUR RUSSIAN FRIEND WILL FOCUS ON MISS TELLER AND HER UNCLE RUDI. WE'LL LEAVE YOU TWO TO GET ACQUAINTED. OLEG. GIVE MY REGARDS TO NINA. OBVIOUSLY, I WAS BRIEFED ABOUT YOU, YOUR CORRUPT AND CRIMINAL BACKGROUND, UNTIL YOU WERE CAUGHT AND THE CIA BLACKMAILED YOU INTO WORKING FOR THEM. BUT WHAT INTERESTS ME, GIVEN YOUR PROFILE, IS WHAT WOULD MOTIVATE YOU TO BECOME THE CIA's MOST EFFECTIVE AGENT. I CONCLUDED IT MUST BE TO COUNTERACT THE HUMILIATION OF KNOWING YOUR BALLS ARE AT THE END OF A VERY LONG LEASH HELD BY A VERY SHORT MAN. APPARENTLY, YOU PUT SOMEONE CALLED COUNT LIPPI IN A HOSPITAL. Illya: HE HAD SOFT BONES. AND DON'T QUESTION MY METHODS. WHAT'S HE DONE? SUPER AGENT HERE DECIDED TO HAVE SOME FUN WITH THREE YOUNG ITALIAN BOYS IN THE MEN'S ROOM. Illya: THEY HAD IT COMING. YOU NEED TO CONTROL YOUR TEMPER. YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND IS A NAZI. HOW DID YOU FIND ALEXANDER VINCIGUERRA? I THINK HE'S AN ATHLETIC, GOOD-LOOKING GAZILLIONAIRE WHO'S OFFERED ME A JOB AND MADE ADVANCES TOWARDS ME. STILL A NAZI. YES, BUT IS HE UP TO NO GOOD? IF YOU MEAN BY "NO GOOD," IS HE TRYING TO STEAL ME AWAY FROM MY FIANCE? -THE ANSWER IS YES. -THAT'S NOT HAPPENING. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UPSET ABOUT. YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY FIANCE. AS FAR AS HE IS CONCERNED, I AM. AND FOR THE PURPOSE OF THE MISSION, I AM. SO, LIKE I SAID, IT'S NOT HAPPENING. LOOK AT THIS. THIS FILM I'M USING HAS BEEN TREATED TO BE SENSITIVE TO GAMMA RADIATION. THESE BLURRED LINES HERE MEANS THEY'VE BEEN IN CLOSE PROXIMITY TO RADIOACTIVE MATERIAL IN LAST 24 HOURS, WHICH MEANS THEY HAVE SUCCEEDED IN ENRICHING THE URANIUM. TELL YOU WHAT, I'M GONNA GO SLEEP ON THIS. 1 IS THIS WHAT YOU CALL SLEEPING ON IT? I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE LIGHTS. YOU'RE WELCOME. THE THING IS,... I WORK BETTER ALONE. I WORK BETTER ALONE TOO. I'M NOT LEAVING. WE HAVE APPROXIMATELY 10 MINUTES BEFORE THE POWER COMES BACK ON. YOU WANT TO SIT AROUND AND TALK ABOUT IT-- OK. I'LL LET YOU TAG ALONG. BUT IT'S IN AND OUT, NO MESS, SO NOBODY KNOWS WE'VE BEEN HERE. AND WE BOTH FORGET ABOUT IT IN THE MORNING. OK. WHAT IS THAT? SUPER-HARDENED BORON SHARPENED WITH A CO2 LASER. HMM. (DEVICE HUMMING) CO2 LASER. COMING? I TAKE TOP. I'LL TAKE THE BOTTOM. PROBLEM? (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO HELP? JUST LET ME DO IT. SHALL WE? LOVING YOUR WORK, PERIL. SUCA. YOU DO THE LABS. I'LL TAKE THE FLOOR. MEET ME ON THE GANTRY IN FIVE MINUTES. TRY NOT TO GET LOST. (DEVICE CLICKING) I DIDN'T FIND ANYTHING. (RADIO CHATTER) (SPEAKING ITALIAN) WAIT. WHY? I THOUGHT THAT WAS MY FATHER'S WATCH. MAKE MISTAKE. AND WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU DO TO HIM? AT KGB, WE CALL IT THE KISS. IT TAKES YEARS TO MASTER. ALTHOUGH HE'S STANDING UPRIGHT, HE'S COMPLETELY UNCONSCIOUS. HE'LL BE LIKE THIS FOR 20 MINUTES. CAN'T TOUCH. GENERATOR'S BACK ON. WHY DO YOU THINK THEY HAVE RADIATION TOOLS AND SUIT IN SATELLITE FACTORY? NEXT TO HIDDEN BUTTON. (WHIRRING) WE WOULDN'T HAVE FOUND THAT WITHOUT MY FATHER'S WATCH. (SIGHS) WANT TO HAVE A GO? BE MY GUEST. HOLD THIS. AND THESE. OPEN THESE. THIS... IS A SWISS-BUILT... VORTBINDERLANSZMANN 7010 MODEL. IT HAS DUAL COMBINATION LOCKS, TRIPLE RETURN ROTATORS... (DEVICE BEEPS) ...AND SYNCHRONISED CYLINDERS. THE EARLIER MODELS... HAD A DESIGN FLAW. IT'S A FLAW I INTEND TO EXPLOIT. STILL... VERY DIFFICULT TO OPEN. BUT IT'S NOT... (DEVICE BEEPS) ...IMPOSSIBLE. AND THE FLAW WAS... PEOPLE WHO DESIGNED THIS MODEL ARE NOT VERY GOOD... AT STEALING THINGS. I, HOWEVER,... AM. DID YOU DEACTIVATE ALARM? MODEL 7010 DOESN'T HAVE AN ALARM. (ALARM RINGING) LOVING YOUR WORK, COWBOY. TIME TO GO! (INDISTINCT SHOUTING, GUNFIRE) DOES THIS MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU? IT'S PART OF CENTRIFUGE FOR REFINING URANIUM. I AM NOT STAYING HERE. WHERE ARE YOU GONNA GO? SWIMMING. (THUD, GROANS) (THUD, GROANS) (MOTOR TURNS OVER, GUARDS SHOUTING) WE'VE GOT THREE EXITS, AND TWO OF THEM ARE CLOSED. I WOULD RECOMMEND TURNING BEFORE YOU HIT THAT WALL. THE LAST THING I NEED IS YOUR HELP. YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT. JUST SHUT UP AND WATCH ME WORK.