1 (FUNKY ELECTRONIC MUSIC) RAPS: # On a tiny little island at the bottom of the world, there's two funny boys and a funny little girl. # Who's got bare feet, 10-toed bare feet? # Always looking for adventure and a place to run around, # they know where there's mystery and magic to be found. # They've got bare feet, 10-toed bare feet. # So you wanna join the club? You wanna save the Earth? # You wanna show your bravery? Show just what you're worth? So kick off your shoes and release your feet. # Yell it out the window. Yell it in the street, like... # ...we're the Bandits, Barefoot Bandits. # They've got bare feet. Where's those bare feet? 10-toed bare feet. Barefoot Bandits, yeah. # Barefoot Bandits, yeah! # Nailed it. (BELL DINGS) Abhimani. Good to see you, Fridge. What can I tempt you with today? The choices, the choices. What do you recommend, my good man? Maybe a Rainbow Bar or two? Or maybe some Jelly Toddlers? Hmm? Sherbet is always good value. (SHERBET RUSTLES) What year is this? This one. Hmm. Not past its use-by date ` a very good year. (SNIFFS) Is that wild berry? Oh, you devil! I'll take three. So what are we celebrating? We got our hands on the lost Tumeke Space episode. Ooh, it's gonna be awesome. Enjoy your 'Tom-hacky Spice'. (BELL DINGS) That kid's going to put my kids through college. Lost Tumeke Space episode, eh? Well, that sounds like something I need to ruin. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Oi! Argh! No evil laughing outside my shop! (COUCH SPRINGS SQUEAK) Come on, bro. It's Tumeke Space time. The lost episode. Can you believe they found it? I don't know how you lose an episode, but they did. (CHUCKLES) I got sherbet. Oh yeah. Weird choice. Fine. More hard-to-eat sour powder treats for me. This is it. Let the awesomeness begin. (CLICK! ACTION MUSIC PLAYS) (WHOOSH!) (MUSIC CONTINUES) (WHOOSH!) The signal is coming from sector 19, boss. Gelatinous Prime. It appears that is where Wahine Troubles is being held captive. Then, that's where we're going, bro ` to rescue Wahine. (YELLS, EXCLAIMS) (WHOOSH!) (ACTION MUSIC CONTINUES) (ENGINE REVS, THUD!) That's gotta be where she is, ow ` in that big tower thing. It really is the only landmark. It's a pretty flat and barren land, eh? (GASPS) Are you the one? (EXCLAIMS) The one what? I didn't touch anything, honest. Honest. No, the one who will restore power to the Gela-peeps. Oh! Hey, OK, what's...? I'm being scanned. It seems to, uh... Do I just`? Do I smile? How long's this gonna go for? The Gela-peeps are a timid race who have inhabited Gelatinous Prime for thousands of years. But in recent times, they have succumbed to the power-hungry` Gelatony. Gelatony? (CHORTLES) What a crack-ups name. There is no cracking up around here any more ` not even at one of Gelabilly's well-timed farts. Oh, please. You must help us. Oh, sorry, bro. The name's Gelatim. Oh, kia ora, Gelatim. I'd love to help ya out, but I'm here to rescue someone else, ow. Please. First, you must come and bear witness to the atrocities that have befallen my people. This way. This is Gellington City. (FORLORN MUSIC) This was once a bustling metropolis filled with working lights and ambient jazz music. Whoa. What were your homes made of before they were mud huts? They've always been mud, but in better lighting, they looked pretty OK. Oh. Oh, they're cool. Very... kitsch. There are no traces of electricity. Gelatony takes all the electricity for himself. Oh, without power, my toaster's just a bread holder. (SOBS) Stupid bread holder. I don't need my bread holded; I've already got my own hands. These are my bread holders. I can't even dry my hair. This thing is useless. Look. I have to make the sound myself. (WHIRRS) Oh, this is my wife,... Gelatina. Her unsightly hair is just, uh, one of the many horrendous problems I face on a daily basis. (GIGGLES) Maybe turn around. So, this evil Gelatony fulla ` where is he? He resides there. A tower of power. Because he steals all the power and it's a tower. True. Oh, I've never actually thought about it like that. Oh, that's actually quite clever. Good clear branding there. (GIGGLES) Well, that's where I'm heading, anyway. So how about I rescue my friend and take down this evil Gelatony fulla at the same time? Win-win. Ooh! Oh, we would be forever grateful. But be careful. It's heavily guarded. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) No worries. Nobody questions a high-vis vest. I'll just walk straight in, ow. Hey! You can't just walk straight in. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who do you think you are, bro? Don't worry about me. I'm just here to do some tower maintenance. In a bright orange cardigan? Nah. Not buying it, bro. Yeah, likely story. Let's take him to Gelatony. Oh snap. You're in trouble now. (CHUCKLES) (CHUCKLES) Foiled. Guts. (GRUNTS) We have a trespasser. And he's wearing little shorts. Who dares come to my den of excess in such bizarre attire? The name's Tumeke, Tumeke Space, and I'm here to rescue my friend and restore power to the people, both figuratively and, you know, literally. Yeah. Rescue a friend? (CHUCKLES) Oh, you must mean that Wahine woman. Hasn't she got a mouth on her? Oh, a little more sass than I could stomach. (SQUELCH!) (GASPS) Wahine's poi! So I had to get rid of her quick smart. What have you done, you big blubbery blob? 'Blubbery'? Oh, how dare you? I'll have you know that this is all just jelly retention. (SQUELCHING) Couple of laps around the room and I'll be slim as anybody. Oh, no, I'm not putting up with this sort of talk. Take him to the dungeon. Oh, yes, Gelatony, sir. Yeah, we'll put him in the stink one, eh? Oh, now I'm all grumpy. Somebody make me giggle. Somebody make me giggle, please. Oh, here he is. Ha ha! Oh, ooh, he's got a little hat on. (CHUCKLES) It goes with the outfit. Oh, all right. Everybody quiet. I'm gonna lay down a phat beat for him to dance to. (IMITATES RECORD SCRATCH) RAPS: # Gelatony go. (BEATBOXES) (CONTINUES BEATBOXING) # Gelatony laying down the big phat beats. (BEATBOXES) # Gelabilly dancing for the Gelatony beats. (BEATBOXES) (IMITATES RECORD SCRATCH, BEATBOXES) # Gelabilly's done, and we're all gonna stop. # (FARTS) (LAUGHS) Oh, wonderful. Just... (CLAPS) Just wonderful. (CHUCKLES) Gelabilly, perfect comedic timing as always. No worries. Thanks, mate. # ...we're the Bandits, Barefoot Bandits. # They've got bare feet. Where's those bare feet? 10-toed bare feet. 1 (GROANS) What a bunch of stink guys. You can't keep Tumeke Space locked up! (ZAP!) Argh! (THUD!) Ooh! Far. Yeah, I wouldn't touch the bars, bro ` give off a pretty nasty jolt. Not to mention ` look at this. Took the hair clean out by the roots. Got a weird bald patch here now. The name's Jimmy. I used to do security around here, till I got a bit too nosy. (LAUGHS) Nosy, cos I've got a big nose. Oh, kia ora, Jimmy. The name's Space, Tumeke Space. So, what brings you here, Tumeke, aside from the guards? I came here to save a lovely lady. Hoo, hoo, hoo. You dog, you. It's a pretty romantic gesture, bro. Cheers, cuz. Yeah, she's my future wife. She is not! Dream on. Oh, Wahine! I did it. I saved you, ow. No, you didn't. I broke myself out, and you got yourself thrown in the dungeon, and now I have to save your stupid face. (CHUCKLES) You like me. All right, you fullas. Stand back. (WHOOSHING) (ACTION MUSIC) (ZAP!) (CLINK!) Skills! Check it out. Yeah, bro. She's legit. So, care to help me on a mission to restore some power to some Gela-poos? It's Gela-peeps, and that's what I was already doing before you showed up here. Cool. Cool. So what's the plan, ow? Well, I was trying to find my way to the central generator, but I can't seem to find it. Ooh, ooh. I know! They keep the schematics for this place in the surveillance room. Shot, bro. (WHIRRING) (WHIRRING) Where's the surveillance room, ow? Seventh floor, bro. (WHIRRING) And one more thing ` what's a 'schematic'? (DRAMATIC MUSIC) (GASPS, WHISPERS) There's a guard. We need a distraction. Please allow me. Oi! Soup's ready! Oh, did someone say 'soup'? Wonder if they were talkin' to me. Wonder if I should go find out. Yeah, I'm gonna go find out. How did that just work? (CHUCKLES) Nobody turns down free soup. (BEEPING) OK. These are the schematics. So, the power generator is located here, deep underground. It's guarded by a hi-tech security system. Oh, guts. (BEEPING) But there's a sneaky-as access tunnel that leads directly to it, three clicks east of the tower. Easy as. We'll just go that way. It's not that easy. Oh, guts again. At the end of the tunnel is a heat release door that opens for 12 seconds once a day, and it's about to open in five minutes. We'll never make it. Oh, I know someone who could. (POUNDING AT DOOR) Hey, we know you're in there, eh. You come out with your hands up and the soup as well, if you have that still. It's just the cleaning lady,... who sounds like a fulla. (CHUCKLES) (KNOCKING AT DOOR) (GRUNTS) Oh, let us in. Let us in. Tumeke! (GRUNTS) Make... the... call. Someone in there's strong. JNR-572! (PEACEFUL MUSIC) (WHIRRS) Is that to your liking, sir? ON RT: JNR, do you read me? (BEEP!) Loud and clear, boss. I'm sending you some coordinates right now. Time is of the vanilla essence. (BEEPING) Oh, stupid fat fingers. Wahine, giz your skinny fingers. (GRUNTS) I'm a little busy over here, in case you hadn't noticed. (GUARDS GRUNT) ON RT: Hey, JNR, you there? Wahine says hi, and the coordinates are coming through now. (MODEM SCREECHES) Got them, boss. JNR-572 knows what to do. Chur, bro. Well, we're gonna be taken by guards now, so I'll catch ya later, OK? Sweet. Ow! Take it easy. Ooh, hey, hey! Take your hands off my future wife, ow. ON RT: (GRUNTS) I am not your future wife. She's as delicate as watercress. I'm coming, boss. Who's he talkin' to? He seems crazy. (WHIRRS) Right. Time to ruin a perfectly nice evening for three clueless children. (MUSIC CONTINUES) Blast. That parental unit is about to ruin my perfectly nice evening. Right. Time to utilise my expert acting skills. HIGH-PITCHED: Argh! Oh no! Oh, no, help me! Huh. What was that? Help me over here! That sounds like Dennis. SING-SONGY: Got him. HIGH-PITCHED: Help me! I'm over here. No! Where? No, away from your house and the tree house! Which way? Over here. That's it. That's it. I'm down this way. Help me! All right. I'm coming. Oh yeah. Operation Party Pooper is back on. You two just keep popping up like filthy weeds, don't you? Do you know what I do to filthy weeds? Water them? What? What? No. No, who waters weeds? I destroy them. Guts. Well, good luck with that, fatty (!) Oh! How dare you? It's altitude swelling. No, you know what? I'm done with you two. Welcome... to the Laser Dome! Far! Choice effects, man. Yeah, they are choice, aren't they? Hmm, yeah, until they chop you into tiny little pieces. Oh man. Your plan better work, bro. Chill out, man. JNR's got my back. I hope. # They've got bare feet, 10-toed bare feet. # So you wanna join the club? 1 (WHIRRING) (MIRROR CREAKS) Hands at 10 and 2. (WHOOSH!) (JETS BLAST) (ACTION MUSIC) (ENGINE REVS) (CHOMPS, MUNCHES) (ENGINE ROARS) (SCREAMS) (WHOOSH!) (ACTION MUSIC CONTINUES) Reaching maximum speed. (WHOOSH!) No! What happened? (GASPS) Scream at it or hit the TV on the side. That's what my mum does. (GRUNTS) Nothing! It's the power. We've been cut off, and I know who's responsible. Public service announcement ` you may be experiencing signal interference by me. (LAUGHS) Whoo! I am hilarious. Re-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-doo-doo-doo. Honestly, that guy has problems. I've got this. (HEROIC MUSIC) (GRUNTS) (MUSIC CONTINUES) Cut the red wire! What? I saw it in a movie. Oh, but maybe it was, 'Don't cut the red wire.' Just do what you were going to do. You're good, mate. Good luck. He took the fuse! (BLOWS RASPBERRY, LAUGHS) Give that back! Argh! (WHIMPERS) Fridge, pass me a bag of sherbet. Well, I thought you didn't want any. I do now. Fine. (PANTS, EXCLAIMS) (WHOOSH!) (EXCLAIMS, GRUNTS) Argh, it stings! What is it? Wild berry? Oh, it's all over me. Yuck. (HEROIC MUSIC) (CLICK!) (WHOOSH!) (BRAKES SCREECH) (GRUNTS) Ooh-hoo! Oh, whoo, that Laser Dome's making it super-hot in here, isn't it? Oh. Can someone turn the fans to coldy-cold? Oh, that is the last time I let anybody go for lunch. Just sitting here, talking to myself. Except for you two. Oh, oh, oh, it's about to happen. Oh, here... we... (CLICK!) Phew. Wha`? No! Oh, the power's out. Wait to go, JNR. I knew you'd come through. No! My power! My actual power! (CHUCKLES) You really shouldn't have given these back. (GRUNTS) (BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (BEEPING) Explosives? But you'll blow yourselves up, you silly fools. Oh yeah? Nah. Jet boots. Oh, pretty flash, eh? Ka kite. You did not see that coming. (SMASH!) Ah. Ooh. (BOOM!) Yeah, yeah. Let's hear it for the hero. (CHEERING) Aw, shucks. It was nothing, ow. (GRUNTS) Yeah, because you did nothing. Well, as the saying goes ` nothing makes the heart grow fonder. Ew, what? Now that the power has returned, my stupid toaster is no longer a stupid bread holder. Ha, it's a stupid toast maker. (LAUGHS) Ah, joy. Ah, happy day. Oh, as you were, everyone. And I can finally use my blow-dryer. (WHIRRING) Oh. Oh, oh no. That's a horrible noise. (DRYER CLICKS) Does it really sound like that? No thank you. JNR, you did it, bro. I went fast-as, boss. Tumeke, bro. Someone's going through the car wash on the way home. Hoo hoo! Gela-peeps of Gelatinous Prime, Gelatony's reign is over. No, it's not. You may have destroyed my glorious penthouse grotto, but I will return. Yes, I will. (LAUGHS) I got this. (WEAPON POWERS UP) (GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) (POW!) Oh, who did that? (SCREAMS) (FARTS) Oh, Gelabilly. (LAUGHTER) Oh, so well-timed. (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) (HEROIC MUSIC PLAYS) That was awesome. So awesome. You see that? Now, that's the type of adventure I like ` the type where you sit back, relax and live vicariously though the actions of someone else. We should go on our own adventure right now. Yes, like, right now. Sometimes, I think you two ignore me. I heard a rumour that there's actual fairies by the swamp on Mr Slab's farm. Get out of town. (CHUCKLES) Nah, true. No, don't get out of town. Stay right here. Let's go! If I had known we'd be going out, I wouldn't have eaten all that sherbet. Now I'm just talking to myself. 'Shall we go?' I guess we don't have a choice. 'Come on, Fridge!' I'm coming. # Bandits. # Captions by Julie Taylor. Edited by Faith Hamblyn. www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2017.