# You wanna show your bravery, show just what you're worth? # Then kick off your shoes and release your feet. # Yell it out the window. Yell it in the street, like... # ...we're the Bandits, # Barefoot Bandits. # They've got bare feet. Where's those bare feet? 10-toed bare feet. # Barefoot Bandits, yeah. # Barefoot Bandits, yeah! # (GROANS) (SCARY MUSIC) This is the only known painting of the Tibetan umibumbum bird. I paid millions of dollars for this beauty. Breathtaking, isn't it, Warrick? Ha ha ha! Yeah, it is, Mum. Uh, I don't mean Mum; I mean` I mean Mr Black. (INTRIGUING MUSIC) (WHOOSH!) You're probably wondering why I did that. A little bit, yeah. Because now it only exists in my memory. No one else possesses it but me. Right. OK, got it, yup. Now, as you know, I am passionate about collecting birds, but one rare bird has so far slipped through my grasp. (CLICK! PROJECTOR WHIRRS) The blue-beaked ballyhoo budgie ` only one in existence. I sent you and your mother to steal it for me,... but you were stopped by a local hero... Uh, Mr Black, I, uh` ...and a bunch of meddling kids known locally as the Barefoot Bandits. Yeah, I know ` I was there. Luckily, you were able to escape from custody and return to my employment. The same cannot be said... for your mother. Uh, Mr Black, why are you telling me all this? I already know it. Because, Warrick, there's only one thing I love more than collecting birds, and that's excessive exposition. So, in summary,... we're returning to Ngaro Island. Tumeke! Shh. It's back on. Tumeke Space. (CHUCKLES) It's all been for nothing. Now you're going to be forced to watch as I blow the Planet Earth to galactic dust. Behold the power... of my Endeavourtron. (CLICKING, ELECTRONIC CHIRPING) (GASPS) Not Earth. That's Tumeke's home planet. Ohh, I can't watch! (LAUGHS EVILLY) JNR, bust a move, ow. (EXCITING MUSIC) What is that, a weapon? (CHUCKLES) Oh, you hilarious fools. My discombobulator force field means your weapons won't work here. (LAUGHS) This isn't a weapon, ow. It's my guitar, bro. (GIGGLES) Wha...? (STRUMS CHORD) Sing along if you know the words. (GIGGLES, PLAYS HAPPY MUSIC) # Too much, # can never have too much. # Too much, # can never have too much love tonight. # Love is the glue that keeps us all together. # It's the flowers in the field that give you bad hay fever. # When you're smitten with a kitten and the mitten it can fit in, that's why I wrote this song, # and also, all those things rhyme with 'written'. (CHUCKLES) # Too much,... # Too much. # ...can never have too much. # Can never have it, oh, yeah. # Too much,... # Too much. # ...can never have tumeke love tonight. # Oh, yeah. # (LAUGHS) I can't bring myself to hurt a musical Mao-ri. (SIGHS) Not today. (CLICK!) (LASER POWERS DOWN) Oh, tumeke! It's pronounced 'Maori' too ` musical Maori. But you'll get it. Just keep practising, eh. Te reo! Chur! (GIGGLES) ALL: Tumeke! Best show ever. Now I better get home before Mum notices I'm gone. Sweet as, Molly. See you next week. Same Tumeke time, same Tumeke place. See ya! (SQUAWKS) OK, and make sure no one sees you. Don't worry. I'll be super stealthy ` (SQUAWKS) a feathery ninja. (EXCLAIMS) Hi-yah! Kick! (ZIP!) I'm the sneakiest ninja around. (SQUAWKS) (CHUCKLES) She's awesome. Oh, she is. I wish we didn't have to keep her a secret. I would very much like to brag about having a moa for a friend. Well, Fridge, we have to, or the whole world could be destroyed! (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Sorry. Too dramatic? (SNEAKY MUSIC) Should be finished by now. Time check. And the specimen should be leaving forthwith. (EXCLAIMS) Ah-ha. Got you. (SQUAWKS) Sneaky, sneaky. (CAMERA SHATTER CLICKS) Now to see where you go. (SINGS DRAMATIC TUNE) (RATTLING) Yes! I found it! (STRUMS CHORD) Pretty cool, eh? It's my dad's old one. Yeah, pretty cool, but not as cool as my recorder! But very few instruments are. And it's Riley on the drums. (TAPS STICKS) A-one, two, three, four. (DRUMS WEAKLY) Yeah! (STAMMERS) OK. All right. Yeah. Uh, sorry. Just warming up. It'll start to sound like something soon. (CHUCKLES DRILY) Just give it a minute ` just gotta find my groove. Where are you, groove? (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Holy! I think we just started a band! Uh, yeah, we did. A band called the Bare-beat` B... Bare... The Bare-beats? Ban-beats. The Bare-beat Ban-beats. It's a work in progress. (CHUCKLES) Uh, did I miss a memo? Should I go and grab my recorder? Nah, bro. You're lead vocals. What makes you think I would want to be lead vocals? Is it because I have... (SINGS SHRIEKINGLY) the voice of a rock legend? (LOW, UNSETTLED MUSIC) Behold our goal ` Ngaro Island. From your past encounter, I have made an assessment of the biggest threat to our mission. The copper. Yes. Officer Rodger McRodgerson. I have posted him the special surprise that will keep him very busy indeed. Evil laughter? GROWLS: Very evil laughter. (DRAMATIC NOTE) (YAWNS) Yep. (EXHALES HEAVILY) Ooh. Huh. Well, well. (CHUCKLES GENTLY) What have we got here, then, eh? Hmm. READS: To Officer Rod-gee. Oh, Rodge. That's me! READS: To Officer Rodge, thanks for being the best cop round. (CHUCKLES) Can't say they're wrong about that, eh. (LOW, CURIOUS MUSIC) Bluey, say, 'Dennis has a stupid haircut.' Say, 'Nice pants, weirdo.' (DOOR OPENS) Ach, he's coming. Act natural. (SNORES) (DOOR CLOSES) Hello, Bluey. Who's a cheeky birdie? (TRILLS) Nice pants, weirdo. What?! Oh, what's wrong with my pants? They're the latest in brown fitted slacks for the more conservative mayor. (SNIGGERS) Oh, I see ` this is your doing. This bird is one of the few things in my life that gives me pure, unconditional joy. Why do you have to ruin it for me, Mother?! (CHUCKLES, BLOWS RASPBERRY) (CHIRPS) I think it's best I move him away from such a... such a... (HIGH-PITCHED WHINING, AIR HORN BLARES REPEATEDLY) Ugh, what was that? Oh, that was me growing a backbone. (HIGH-PITCHED WHINING, AIR HORN BLARES REPEATEDLY) Someone's addressing a crowd. Only I address crowds around here! Ooh. What's going on here? (ROCK MUSIC) Ladies and gentlemen,... prepare yourselves to be taken to another plane of existence (SINGS) through our musical talents! (DRUMS SOFTLY, RHYTHMICALLY) (PLAYS OFF-KEY, HESITANTLY) # Who's got bare feet? # We've got bare feet. # Where's those bare feet? # 10-toed bare feet! # Going down the road with my little tiny toes! (SINGS INDISTINCTLY) OK, enough! (STRUMS CHORDS) (FEEDBACK WHINES) Thank you, Ngaro! You've been a great audience. SHRIEKS: Goodnight! (PLAYS OFF-KEY CHORDS) So, what do you reckon, Mr Gobb? Can we get a gig at the town hall? Absolutely not! But, Mayor Gobb, that was only a sample of our groundbreaking sound. There's so much more. (SCOFFS) Groundbreaking? The only thing you've broken around here are the fragile eardrums of my elderly mother. Oh, and my little birdie buddy. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) (GASPS) Bluey! (SAD MUSIC) (SIGHS) Don't blame yourselves, children. You were just acting out your natural youthful energies. I was young once ` a happy wee lad who only wished for a friend,... like my little blue buddy. Oh, we are so sorry, Mr Gobb. The positive musical vibrations freed him from his emotional cage, man,... and his actual cage. Don't worry, Mr Gobb. We'll get Bluey back. Yes. We're gonna call in the cops ` I mean... cop. You kids wouldn't understand this. You're oddballs ` weird little oddballs with your feet, your bizarre orange hair. Ah, but you've got each other, I suppose. With friends,... (SIGHS) you're never alone. (DETERMINED MUSIC) So once again it's up to you, Dennis ` (GRUNTS) Just you. Don't worry, Bluey. I'll save you! (INTRIGUING BASS NOTES) Officer Rodge? He's usually at his desk. Oh, It's OK, guys; Officer Bacon is here. Excuse me, officer. We were looking for Officer Rodge. You know he's a puppet, right? CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY: What? Yeah. Yes! Of course! I am alive! (SCREAMS) (LAUGHS) Yeah, nice scream, bro. What? That wasn't a scream. I just yawned, like this. Oh, I'm so tired. (YAWNS, SCREAMS) Maybe we should check the garage. He could be in there. Hey, Officer Rodge. Children! And Officer Bacon ` oh, I've missed you, mate. (SIGHS) Get on there. Oh, you're all just in time. Look what I got sent by a secret admirer. It's a flippin' sweet train set. Whoa. That's pretty awesome. Isn't it just? (CHUCKLES GENTLY) The detail's very distracting and time-consuming. Look at the little people. This little chap ` (CHUCKLES GENTLY) he's waiting for the 9.45 to Rodgerville Village. (CHUCKLES) HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: All aboard! (CHUCKLES) Officer Rodge, we need your help. Well, I'm very busy at the moment. If the 10.05 doesn't arrive on time, there'll be a lot of disappointed commuters. This is an emergency. Well, what sort of an emergency's more important than getting these tiny people to work, Tane? It's Mr Gobb's bird, Bluey. He's gone... missing. (STEAM WHISTLE BLOWS, CLANGING, CHUGGING) Well, this is an interesting turn of events. Our simple distraction plan has inadvertently provided us with some critical information. Oh. What is it? It seems our bird burglary has now become a bird hunt. Lovely ` I do enjoy a good bit of sport. (CHUCKLES EVILLY) Guys, I don't think he's going to stop playing with that train set any time soon. Well, in his defence, it was a pretty cool train set. I mean, did you see the detailing on that caboose? Ick, gross, Riley. We promised Mr Gobb we would find Bluey, and the Barefoot Bandits keep their promises. Oh, but he's so tiny, though. He could be anywhere. We need some sort of guide. (GROANS) It would just be so much easier if he was a big bird. Ohhh, yeah, like a big talking bird that comes from a magical hidden world ` as if. That's it. Fridge, you're a genius! Thank you. Why? I'd love to help you fellas, but I'm really not supposed to leave the moa kingdom. WHISPERS: Mum doesn't know I sneak out to watch Tumeke Space. Ohhh, don't be so silly. I know exactly where you go. Uh, you knew? Are you kidding? Ya can't hide secrets from your mum. Plus, I have super hearing, which has its upsides and downsides. Oh, what? Have you been listening to my farts? (FLY BUZZES) Oh, you weren't s'posed to hear that. That was for my private collection. But I knew you were with the Barefoot Bandits, so I guessed you were safe. So, what's all this I heard about a lost bird? His name is Bluey. He's rare as, and he's lost in the forest. (GASPS) Well, then, Molly, you have my permission to help. A bird in need is a friend indeed. (SQUAWKS, CHUCKLES) 1 (BIRDS CHIRP) Here, birdie, birdie, birdie! (BUSHES RUSTLE) Wait, boss! I see somethin' over there behind the bushes. I think it's a pug-nosed weasel. Look. Aah! Aah! Unhand me, you brute! Aha. So this is one of the Barefoot Bandits I've heard so much about. We meet at last. I'm not one of those uncouth barefoot cretins. I'm wearing shoes. I'm nothing to do with them! Hmm. He has moxie; I'll give him that. And now he knows of our nefarious plan to kidnap Mayor Gobb's priceless rare bird. What?! Didn't know anything about this plan until you said it just then. See how cleverly he extracts information from us? Like a fox squeezing juice from an overly ripe grape. You've got to admire his cunning. Overly ripe grape? I'm not squeezing anything! But he knows too much. Tie him up and dispose of him down that disused well over there. Well? Wait, what? Wait, no, wait. If you're after rare birds, I can tell you where to find the rarest bird of all. Go on. I happen to know where you can find a moa. (LOW, INTRIGUING MUSIC) You had my attention. Now you have my interest. (BIRDS CHIRP) Hey, Molly, so, you can sense if Bluey is near. Well, yeah, it's more of a vibe, really. Oh, I get that way around pies... and chocolate and, well, most things, really. It's more of 'a' insatiable hunger than a vibe. Wait. I'm getting something. It's an overwhelming sense of sadness, and it's coming straight towards us. Bluey? Birdie num-num? Oh, hello, children. Hey, dude. I see you've got yourself an imaginary friend there. (CHUCKLES) Yes, I had an imaginary friend when I was a child. Two of them, actually ` Gus and Big John. They would, well, usually ignore me and go off and play by themselves somewhere. Mr Gobb, we're close to finding Bluey. Oh, you're a good kid, but I've come to the realisation that some birds just aren't meant to be caged,... like me. Bluey was probably meant for bigger things. He needed to literally stretch his wings to go and find a better place, you know, a place where someone so special... can be free. (YODELS) (GASPS) We've all been so stupid! Oh, pfft, come on now. We haven't all been stupid. No. If you were a rare bird, where on this island would you go? Of course! (GASPS) Molly, you're a genius. (SQUAWKS) Ah, yes! We've all been so blind! The answer was right there in front of us ` the pantry. Oh, Bluey's probably hungry. We're all probably hungry. All right, off to lunch we go. Fridge, no. Molly's home. That's where Bluey will be. Your hip, youthful lingo has lost me. Do you mind explaining what's going on here? (CHUCKLES) We can do better than that ` we can show you. But you have to keep it a secret. (SQUAWKS) Don't tell a soul. (MYSTICAL MUSIC) Uh, I thought the caboose went at the back. It's... It's glorious! Pretty choice, eh, Dennis? Uh, Mr Gobb. Wait. This isn't right. Where is everyone? This bird will look splendid stuffed and mounted by my fireplace. (SQUAWKS) (GRUNTS) Molly. (BREATHES HEAVILY) Kids. Save yourselves. (GRUNTS) Run away! Ah! Not so fast. (WEAPON CLICKS) What is that, some sort of net gun? Uh, yeah, yeah, it is. How'd you know that? It's got the words 'net gun' written on the side of it just there. Look. There. See? Move your` No, d` move your thumb down. There you go. 'Net gun'. Mayor Gobb, it seems that I have underestimated you. Your ruse of pretending to be a dim-witted slack jaw had us all fooled. SLOWLY: 'Right. 'OK.' But you're too late! We are taking this moa, and we are blowing this mystical wonderland to dust. (BEEPING) (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) Blow it up? But why? Because that will make my moa the only one in existence and no one else will be able to enjoy it but me. Evil laughter. Yeah, very evil laughter. You can't do that! If only Tumeke Space was here ` he would save us. Yeah, well, maybe he is. (STRUMS CHORD) (PLAYS HAPPY MUSIC) # Too much, # can never have too much. # Too much, # can never have too much love tonight. # (SMASH!) What was that supposed to do? What utter sentimental flapdoodle. (TINKLING MUSIC-BOX MUSIC) # Go to sleep, # little creep. # Let the nightmares be sweet ones. # Then when you wake, # we will take # all the loot # that we want. # Nigh-nighs, Mum. Come, Warrick. Let us make our escape and leave this place a smoking crater in our wake. Not today, Mr Black. (GASPS) (BIFF!) (GRUNTS) (GASPS) Betrayal! Maybe it's this magical place. (SMASH!) Maybe it was that stirring music; it was lovely, but I've had a change of heart. (DING!) (GROANS, GRUNTS) (CHEERING) No more evil laughter. From now on I just want... la` laughter, like this. (LAUGHS) (BOTH LAUGH) And if you'll have me, I'd love to stay in this beautiful world that has unfrozen my cold, black heart. (GIGGLES) (BLUEY TRILLS) (GASPS) Bluey! Hello, little fella. (TWEETS) (WHISTLES COMPLICATED TUNE) Oh. Well, that's... He's never done that for me. It's because he's free, Mr Gobb. Some birds aren't meant to be caged, remember? Yes. I do remember that. You're right. Bluey, be free. Live here with your new friends in this bizarre, enchanted wonderland. (TRILLS) Dennis has a stupid haircut. (SNIFFLES) Yup. You're right. That's cos Mum cuts it, so... So, in summary, I am seeking help to overcome my train-set obsession. Now, it's my great pleasure to award a prize of bravery to the Barefoot Bandits, who not only exposed Mayor Gobb's disgusting budgie smugglers... Scuse me? ...but also, on their way home, managed to save a local child who foolishly fell down a well. Yeah, it was nothing, really. I mean, we were just passing, and we heard him crying. At first, we thought it was a hideous pug-nosed weasel. And we had some help from a special friend. (SQUAWKS) (SCOFFS) I wasn't crying! I was screeching for help! And also, this is clearly a moa in a disguise and we're all weirdly ignoring it. Don't be a nark, son. Nark. Now clap for the heroic children. (SQUAWKS) Hooray! (CHUCKLES) You beauties! RILEY: (TAPS STICKS) A-one, two, three, four. It seems the cager has become the cagee,... but be warned, people of Ngaro ` this brooding villain will return,... and when I do, I shall unleash venomous hellfire upon this bumbling backwater island! (WHISTLES) I'm sorry? What was that? Oh, was that aimed at me? Jeez, that's a bit dark, mate. (HIP-HOP THEME MUSIC) Captions by Madison Batten. Edited by Shrutika Gunanayagam. www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2017 (MONSTERS CHATTER, GRUNT) (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)