# Barefoot bandits, yeah! I'm all right. (EPIC MUSIC) (ROCK SCRAPES) There it is. What a beauty. (GRUNTS) Ah. Oh, just a few for the road. Oh, a bit sticky, aren't they? - (THUNDER RUMBLES) - (YELPS) (CRACKING) (SCREAMS) (SCREAMS) (CHILDREN CHAT) OK. Everyone settle down. I know you're all very excited about your science projects, but let me introduce our special guest judge. It's me! Dennis Gobb, beloved mayor and also man of the people ` people like you. So, shall we see what your child minds have attempted? Our first project is by Sebastian Witherwax. Ooh! Well, would you look at that? It's a model of our fair island. Check out the detail. Is that...? Is that me? Well, I say, look no further. This is the clear winner! I appreciate your enthusiasm, Mayor Gobb, but you really need to look at all the projects first. Really? I mean, glancing around, I can tell that this one is head and shoulders above the others. WHISPERS: That one over there looks like it's been made by a child. That is the idea. Actually, Mayor, this isn't a model of the island. It's a model of a volcano, and that figure you're holding is rather insignificant to the whole project. Oh, here we go. Earthquakes, caused by the shifting of tectonic plates, signify the layers of magma have been exposed to the surface, causing a volcanic eruption ` obviously. (ZAP!) (BUBBLING) (GASPS) Ooh. (SCREAMS) I've been struck by lava! Call a medical professional! Or my mum! OK. That's enough. It's just water and food colouring. The one with the real lava's at home. You can drop the theatrics. Right. Well, I've changed my mind. This one's failed to impress me. Wait, what? I mean, earthquakes do not mean there's going to be a volcanic eruption, do they? I mean, that's` (RUMBLING) (SCREAMS) Argh! Argh! Whoa. Hey, hey, stop! What you have here is blatant scaremongering, young man! And I'm afraid this is a fail, OK? What? You can't fail a project... but you can give it a really low score. (GASPS) Miss Stevenson! Right, two out of 10, then. It would've been a one, but you did get my likeness spot on. But` Moving right along. (GRUMBLES) Riiight. OK. Weird. Good luck with that. Oh! Now, this one looks interesting. This is the Barefoot Bandits' treehouse... ALL: ...of the future! Wonderful showmanship. I'm listening. As you can see, the need for a fireman's pole is no more. Behold... the treehouse teleporter. Now, that is revolutionary. This is a sweet ramp where` see the wood there? And the pipe? Yeah. That's where we can do mean as jumps with our hoverboards. Do they have those? Sooner or later. Yeah. What's this feature? That's the pizza button. You press it and a pizza turns up. It's the thing dreams are made of. Well, that clinches it. We have a clear winner here! What?! But this has nothing to do with actual science! All those ideas are childish dreams of silly children! I believe that is the idea. Plus, they invented hoverboards. I mean, come on! That's groundbreaking! Gah! Get on telly with that! And how come they got to enter as a group? This was not mentioned in the brief! Shh! Sebastian, who likes a sore loser, eh? No one. But` But` But` No one. Argh! (BIRD CALLS) Congratulations, Mayor Gobb. You have made the list. Yes! I shall place it right here as a constant reminder when I'm getting a sucky pouch num-num that these are my mortal enemies. Right, better be some of that pavlova left. I don't care if it's been in there for two weeks! You don't go throw good pav away. (CHUCKLES) Oi. What's this I spy with my blurry little eye? (CHUCKLES) Some sort of note. I found a note, Sue! Hang on. That's not a note. That's a list of sorts. This is Sebastian's handwriting. Sue! Susan! Suzie! Sweetie! What is it? Cheesy crepes! Language, Ben. What's with all the yellies? You know I worry when you use your yelly voice. Well, turns out our little Sebastian does have a few mates after all. And he's left us a birthday invite list. Right, Sue. Dust off the carrier pigeons. We've got some birthday invites to send out. (HEROIC MUSIC) And once again, we saved heaps of fullas from some weird... pterodactyl fullas. Should I set ship to 'fast as poss'? Please do, bro. Please do. BOTH: Tumeke! Whoo! Yes! Ah! A pterodactyl! Calm down. It's just a disease-riddled pigeon. Hee-hee! (PIGEON COOS) It's got a message. Curious. READS: 'Tane TePania, you are invited to celebrate Sebastian Witherwax's birthday party.' Huh? Really? (COOS) You're invited as well. Oh great (!) Bro, you got one too. Huh? Got a what? A pigeon in your hair. It's an invite to a birthday party. What? Do you hear yourself sometimes, Tane? Utter gibberish! Riley, please translate. There's a pigeon in your hair, and it's an invite to Sebastian's birthday party. Well, if you're not gonna tell me, then I'm not sharing my walking snacks. (CHUCKLES) You never share them. Look, the party is a few days away, so we've got plenty of time to make up an excuse and get out of it. Wow! Ha! Can you believe I got invited to a party at Witherwax Hall? No, I can't. Well, believe it, mother! Believe it heaps. Now, to find a gift for the child who probably has everything. Aha! Oh, it's broken. Oh, what a shame (!) It is a shame, thank you. My great uncle Billy Bob Gobb gave this to me. And as he passed it to me, he said, 'Take it! Get it away from me! 'Get it away from me!' It was a memorable time. I think he would've wanted me to pass it on to a deserving child. Urgh, you're such a goon. What's that, mother? Glue? Yes! Ha-ha-ha! That's the answer! I'm sure a few drops of glue are all we need to bring this little fella... back to life. Yeah. So that wasn't plenty of time. Why did he even invite us? Hey, Mr Slab. Are you coming to the party too? Nope. I'm just the maintenance guy who never seems to get an invite to anything. You know, sometimes it'd be nice to be used for something other than menial tasks. Kids? Oh, they're gone. (DOORBELL RINGS) Yeah! Sue, they've arrived! (CHUCKLES) Sebastian's actual friends. Absolute ripper. Oh, you look good too. Well, I can see you've already taken your shoes off. Come on in, you kids. (ROYAL MUSIC) Welcome, children. It's so good to see you're not imaginary. Ben, please let Sebastian know that his guests have arrived. Sebastian! Ha ha! Sebbie! Sebbie, Sebbie, Sebbie! (CHUCKLES) Sebbie! Here! The kids are here! Your guests have arrived! Behold! The birthday boy is ready to` (POP!) No-uh! What are they doing here?! Surprise! It's your friends, Sebastian ` who are real. What a surprise. And me, your other friend. The mayor! Surprise! (CHUCKLES) We didn't know you had friends in such high places, Sebastian. Gaaahhhh! (GROANS) Under absolutely no circumstances am I in any way or will ever be friends with... this lot! Happy birthday, Sebastian. Stop eating our food! Those pickled fish eggs are not for you! (SPLUTTERS, GROANS) Yuck! This is the worst birthday ever. But, Sebastian, darling, we found your little invite list. My what? The list you left on the fridge ` of your friends. (CHUCKLES) The list of friends? That was my list of enemies! Yikes. Tell us how you really feel (!) Yes, well, this is all very awkward, so your father and I are going to retire to the velveteen cushion room and leave you to it, Sebastian. Have fun with your new friends. But mother, father! G'night, young fulla. (CHUCKLES) On ya, boy. Mmm, velveteen cushion room, eh? High society, indeed. I could get used to this. Oh, you could get used to it, but, well, don't! You've all got to leave. But after the sausage rolls have been brought out, right? Guess we'll just take these presents home, then. (GASPS) Ah, well, maybe a little bit hasty. Maybe you could stay for a few minutes. Go on. Open it. Uh, it's from all three of us, to save on wrapping paper... and money. Oh. What a surprise (!) (GRUNTS) It's Tumeke Space, Volume Two. It's got three of my favourite episodes from series one. We thought you would like it. Oh! Well, you thought wrong! Next. Now open mine. (THUNDER CRACKS, ALL GASP) (EVIL LAUGHTER) (CHOMP!) Ow! Ow, ow, ow! I've been bitten! Which one of you did a creepy laugh then bit me? MUFFLED: Not me. Uh, Mayor Gobb, where did your present go? Uh, I... don't know. Suddenly I... I don't feel so good. Do you have a lying down room? 'Do we have a lying down room?' Of course we do. We've got three of them. Oh. OK. I just need one, I think. Just one lying down room. Have a little lie down. (LAUGHS) OK. This is horrible. It's time for everybody to leave. Oh, come on, bro. I bet if you tried, you could have a little bit of fun. Uh, no thanks. (DOORKNOB RATTLES) It's locked! (GRUNTS) I don't understand! Who locked this door?! (THUNDER CRACKS, ALL GASP) Argh! OK, calm down. It's just a fuse. I think I've fused my pants. (SCARY MUSIC) (CLICK!) Oh, can't see a thing in here. Argh! Oh, somebody's written on this valuable mirror in red lipstick. It wasn't me! Probably a kid. Oh! (GROANS) (CRACKING) Ow! Oh! What's happening to me?! Argh! (SCREAMS) (LIGHTNING CRACKS) (SCREAMING) Sounds like someone's strangling one of the peacocks. That was Mayor Gobb. Something's wrong. You lot just attract drama, don't you? Look, Mother and Father will sort out this locked door business, then it's out in the cold for you. (YELPS) Uh, it won't be that cold. No. Something ran past and bit me. And it's over there! (CHUCKLES) (YELPS) This is ridiculous. Mother, Father, the front door is locked, and we need this riff raff out. Answer me! (SMASH!) (ALL SCREAM) (ALL YELP, PANT) (GASPS) Mayor Gobb! (BOTH YELL) He's been turned to stone as well! (GRUNTS, MUMBLES) I think he's trying to tell us something. (MUMBLES) (DOOR CREAKS) (GRUNTS) (ALL YELP) You're next! (CHUCKLES EVILLY) Go! Go, go, go! (PANTING) (INTENSE MUSIC) Quick! Through here. (WHIMPERS) I don't understand! What's going on? Why have they turned to stone? This is ludicrous. That's what I normally say! Don't worry. We'll figure it out. This sort of thing happens to us all the time. (CHUCKLES) I'm not sure why, but it does. Of course it does. It's gotta be something to do with the bites. Mr Gobb got bitten. Now he's... ...stone. That's it! That evil little gnome creep is biting them and turning them into stone. (GASPS) Wait. Didn't Fridge say something bit him? (FRIDGE GRUNTS) Fridge, noooo! Ha! See? It's always the dim-witted sidekicks that get taken down. Hey, that's my best bud ` something you wouldn't know anything about. Maybe if you weren't such a stink fulla, you might actually have a friend. (WHIMPERS) Oh. (POUNDING ON DOOR) (GASPS) He's coming! We need to get out of here. (GASPS) But it's a dead end. Literally. (POUNDING ON DOOR) No, it isn't. (SQUEAK!) Secret passage. Choice! (GRUNTS) OK. We'll come back for you, Fridge. Just stay still. Yeah, like that. That's good. This gnome fulla needs to be stopped. Argh, he's got me! Argh! Argh! (GRUNTS) There's gnome-where to go! Argh! He's trying to kill me with bad puns! (WHACK!) Argh! Ho-ly, that was close! Come on, let's keep moving. I` I can't. (GASPS) Go on without me. Yus! I've always wanted to say that. Riley, no! Oh, come on! We have to go. Oh, they've been gnomified, and he wants to bite our legs, and we're doomed! We're so doomed! The Barefoot Bandits don't give up, Sebastian. And since I'm the only one left, you're gonna have to fill in. Me? A Barefoot Bandit? Yep! We're gonna save your parents, Mr Gobb, Fridge and Riley. But first, you gotta lose the shoes, dude. (GROANS) This is so unbecoming. Whoo! Bro, you need some sun. (ANGELIC MUSIC) Don't you ever take your shoes off? Well, it's like mother always says. (SINGS) 'You always look neat with shoes on your feet!' Right. So, hey, what is this place? (CURIOUS MUSIC) This is my secret workshop! Ho-ly! You really like volcanoes. Yeah. Yeah, these were my test models. Oh, they're awesome! Oh, remember the one you made for school? That was cool as too. I really liked that. Thanks. I'm making a way bigger one out the back that's hidden beyond the garden hedge so that mother and father don't see it. You see, it's incredibly dangerous. 'Dangerous'. (CHUCKLES) Choice. (BUZZ!) That's the intercom Mother uses to tell me din-dins is ready. WHIMPERS: H-Hello? GNOME: You don't think you're gonna escape, do you? Yeah, we can. We're gonna escape through the garden out back. Good luck. (LAUGHS EVILLY) How do we get out of here, bro? Uh, through the vent. But he'll be out there ` cos he heard you! Don't worry, bro. I've got a plan. (WHIMPERS) I'm an only child. It's... Yeah, you know. It's this way, right? Yes. Going somewhere? (LAUGHS EVILLY) (SCREAMS) (PANTS) (GRUNTS) Gate. (BOTH GRUNT) (GNOME GRUNTS) Just one little bite and you're done! Sebastian, let's go. Whoa. This place is awesome. Ho! That's a big-as golf club. Oh, that's the croquet set Mother and Father bought for me to play with my friends. They just, um, forgot to get me friends. Bro, we'll come and play. You will? But I go out of my way to be an awful person to you. Yeah, bro. But first we need to stop this gnome fulla. (GATE CREAKS, GNOME CHUCKLES) This is it. Get ready. (PANTS) Come and get us! I will. And when I do, you two will make wonderful additions to my statue collection. Why are you doing this? Why? Because for years, humans have used garden gnomes as a source of amusement, a way to make their boring gardens more exciting. But as soon as we become faded and old, we are discarded, thrown to the back of the garden shed and forgotten. And now it's our turn to discard you! So... So, um, are you gonna bite us? Yes. What's with all the questions? I'm just trying to keep you talking until you're in the right spot. What? Sebastian, now! Fire in the hole! (ZAPPING) (RUMBLING) Argh! (SCREAMS) Oh! Nooooo! Ho-ly, that was some freaky horror movie stuff right there, Sebastian. Hoo. (SCREAMS) It's not over yet! (SCARY MUSIC) Tane, catch! (CRACKING) Nah, it's over. (SMACK!) Sebastian! Ho! See, Sue, he's over here. He's OK. He's OK, Sue. He's alive! (CHUCKLES) Sweetheart, my darling boy, we saw the smack. What happened? Sebastian saved the day. Yeah. We both did. You busted the gnome and broke the spell. Way to go, you guys. My snot, however, still like concrete. That is one impressive volcano. Is that real molten lava? Did you lot make this? It's all Sebastian's work, Mr Gobb. (GASPS) Well, in that case, colour me impressed. I will be informing Ms Stevenson that you, in fact, are the school science project winner. (GASPS) Yes! I win! I finally beat the Barefoot Bandits! In your stupid, barefoot faces! I rule! OK, now, that's a sore winner. Yes! Yes! Bow before me, you slack-jawed nobodies! Nah, let him have this. He earned it. King Sebastian is here. Do as I say! (WHISTLES HAPPY TUNE) Ah, there you go. Just like new. (EVIL MUSIC) (FUNKY ELECTRONIC MUSIC) www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2017