# Barefoot Bandits, yeah! # (GROANS) Gather around, my schoolyard chums. As a much-loved fixture, chairman and founding member of the cycling club, I proudly announce my nomination for class president. Vote Gobb for a unified playground. What are you on about now, Gobb? You weirdo. Well, I'm just talking in regards to the unified playground and so on. I'm running for class president. We're all sick of the sound of your voice. You should shut your` shut your gob, Gobb. (CHUCKLES) You're never gonna be nothing. No one's gonna vote for you. (LAUGHS) I'll vote for him. Dennis can do whatever he puts his mind to. I can? Oh, I can! If he wants to be class president, he can. If he wants to be mayor of this whole island, I'm sure one day he will be. Mayor. (CHUCKLES) Oh, calm down, Jack. Geez. Like Dennis, within each and every one of us is a great power, and we all we need is a little nudge, a little direction, a little support to help unleash it. I believe in Dennis Gobb, and you should too! Your unusually grown-up words fill me with insufferable confidence, Jack. I'm glad we've become best friends. Uh, yes... Whoo-hoo-hoo! (SQUAWKS) (ALL CHEER) (SQUAWKS) We're coming to the end! Release the brakes! That's you. Whoa! Wahoo! (CHUCKLES) Mr Slab, the snow machine works awesome. Yeah, I swapped the old hot dog redistributor machine for it. Safe to say I got the better deal. (CHUCKLES) Ahh! I like to catch the snowflakes in my mouth. It's like ice cream from the sky. Ahh! Ugh! I don't like that flavour. (RUMBLING) What, it's ash. (GASPS) From the volcano. That's no good. Someone needs to take this seriously. Look, I'm not going to take your scaremongering seriously. There's nothing to worry about. Mayor Gobb, my findings show that these earthquakes are a precursor to something much, much bigger. Oh, nonsense. And what are you basing these findings on? On science. Oh, is it? (DRAMATIC MUSIC) (BOOM!) Oh, well, excuse you. This is why I should've voted for that lizard guy. Come on, get in closer. I don't bite. Much. (LAUGHS) Only joking. There's nothing to be afraid of here. Nothing... to be afraid of. (TENSE MUSIC) It's happening. My dad's been investigating all the strange volcano activity, and he was gonna present all his findings to Mayor Gobb. Oh, good luck with that. Mr Gobb never believes anything, eh? (PANTS) Kids! I need your help. It's Rex. He won't eat. He won't talk. He won't come out of his enclosure. Mr Doodles and I are worried sick. But for some bizarre reason, Rex respects you kids, so... maybe you could talk to him. We can give it a try. Um, (CLEARS THROAT) Mr Blueblood, sir? Are you OK? (MUFFLED) Rex? Do you want to talk about it? MUFFLED: No, I'm busy. He looks terrible. No, he's just having a nuh-nies with his eyes open. I say we just let the guy sleep it off. Sweet dreams, scary lizard man. (SCREAMS) I soothed him to death. No, Fridge, it's paper mache. It's a mask. Look. (COUGHS) That lizard monster did this to me. He was raving about getting off this crazy island, and I can't blame him. I want a refund. (CHUCKLES) Sorry. No refunds! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) (DING!) Top floor ` the world of humans. So, Slug, my trusty underling, this is the world of men I've heard so much about. Um, little request. Can we maybe just` maybe not refer to me as an underling. Kinda paints a negative picture of our relationship. What about 'the help'? Uh, possibly worse. Very well, underling it stays. OK. Let's get on with the invasion, shall we, Slug? Yes, sire. The goods elevator should be here at any moment. (DING!) Hear that, Slug? That's the sound of impending victory. (GROWLS) (LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) What's that burning smell? (RUMBLING) (BOOM!) (ALL SCREAM) Yes, yes, look, this is just a purely natural occurrence, like forest fires or a tsunami or a terrifying hurricane. Anyhoo, I think we can all agree that this is in no way the fault of the current administration of the island. In the mean time, just carry on as you were. Blind panic, as far as I can see, is the only option. (GASPS) The town hall! Oh, it's wrecked. Oh no. That's where I do all my longest speeches. Thank goodness you're here, Jack. I'm really out of my depth. Dennis, a man is not made brave by the commonplace. He's made brave by adversity. See, there you go. You should be the one in charge, not me. These people put their faith in Dennis Gobb when they voted for you. Now is the time to show them they made the right choice. Now is the time to lead. Yes. (SNIFFLES) You're right. Where should I lead them? I'm going to fire up the ferry. We need to get these people off the island fast. Got it. We can call it operation fast and reliable takeoff. Or FART for short. Dennis, I need you to make sure my family get to the ferry safely. Don't worry, Jack. You can rely on me. OK, everyone, new plan. FART! Huh? . The tourist guy said Rex was acting crazy-as, said he was scared of something. Scared? What scares a prehistoric lizard man from the dawn of time? Balloons. Riley's gonna say aliens. (SCOFFS) No. (SCREAMING) I wasn't. Uh, can you guys hear panicked screaming? Oh, Harry's probably bathing in the fountain again. It's a terrifying sight. You guys have got this, right? Leaving. So, so how did Rex get out? If the door was locked, he must have escaped another way. If my instincts are correct, the answer is right behind this poster. Oh. Oh, yes, ice creams are always the answer. I was really expecting to see some kind of hole behind there. (RUSTLING) Like this one? Uh, yeah, actually, that one. That's` My instincts were gonna say that one next, so... hmm. (SQUEAKS) Come on, Mr Doodles is leading the way. (GROANS) Honestly, if there's a dangerous hole, those two will just jump right in it. (PANICKED SCREAMING) Splendid. The pathetic warm-bloods are running like terrified insects before the oncoming storm. Uh, yes, it's a sight to behold, sir. May I suggest we bang things up a notch? It would be rude not to. (BOOM!) (PANICKED SCREAMING) Their screams of panic and trouser-dampening fear is music to my ears. (CREAKING) (GASPS) Oh. (GASPS) You stay in there, little one. (KNOCK AT DOOR) Oh, thank goodness, Jack. Dennis? Uh, yes, Jack is helping everyone to get on the ferry, so I'm here. Oh, he's a good man. Well, that's what I always say. Although he doesn't seem to appreciate it when I... when I say it. Right then, no time to waste. OK, can you hold my bag? Huh? (SCREAMS) Why do we need all this? Because the baby's coming. Oh, when? Now. Oh, ah, Kiri, if you'll excuse me, I'm just going to faint a little bit. (WHIMPERS) (SQUEAKS) Whoa, it's all 'end of the worldy' up here. It's the volcano. It's finally come to life. And it's angry as. (SQUEAKS) (SCREAMS) My Doodles. Come back! OK, no, this is all a bit much. We can't take on a volcano. Tane, I'm scared. I'm scared too, Riley. I know I'm always scared, but this time it's different. My dad always says something about being brave. I never really understood what he was on about, but I think it might be about moments like these. If you guys wanna go back, I understand, but I think I've got to save Mr Doodles and find Mr Blueblood. We're with you, Tane. Who's got bare feet? We've got bare feet. No, no, I refuse! I'm not saying it. I'm not saying ten-toed bare feet. That's it, bro. (GROWLS) Mr Doodles, we're coming for you. (SIGHS, TUTS) Is that almost everyone? Almost. Mr Slab, have you seen Kiri or Dennis or the kids? I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't see them. Come on, Dennis, where are you? Oh dear. Um, look, I'll tell you what. I don't know if I'm really up for this. (SIGHS) One way or another, the baby is coming, Dennis. Can you handle this or not? Dennis can do whatever he puts his mind to. You're right, flashback Jack. What? I've got this, Kiri. (GASPS) Mr Doodles. What's that? Looks like a lovely leather skin that` Somebody's skin! (SCREAMS) (GASPS) It's Rex. He's all dried up. No, children, I shed my skin. It happens when I'm under a lot of stress or afraid. What are you afraid of? As you know, when I first came to this island, it was my intention to enslave you all. And while I had a change of heart, that didn't mean my people cancelled their plans. I was supposed to pave the way for them. Your people? Yes, this eruption, it's them. They're here. So they're making the volcano erupt? I have betrayed my people, and for that, I will be punished. Oh, come on, bro, you almost convinced the whole island to vote for you. You can talk your way out of this. Convince them to stop their invasion. No, if only it was that easy. If I could remember what my dad says about bravery, I'd say it now. Good words, indeed. But I'm sorry. I can't help you. (ROARING) Somebody's angry. They're coming. My advice to you, children, is run ` run as fast and as far as you can. (RUMBLING) Really angry. Rex, you have to talk to them. You have to... He's gone! (STUTTERS) We need him to fix this. Hmm. Maybe we don't. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) (ROARS) Whoa there, Ms Bitey. Archduke Blueblood, is that you? Yes, it is I, Rex Blueblood. Sorry, fellow lizard fullas. (CLEARS THROAT) I've decided to call off the invasion. 'Lizard fullas'? Hmm, I dunno. He's acting like a bit of a weirdo, don't you think? If I was you, I'd be a bit suspicious there, Victor. Yes, I will take your advice, and I will be suspicious. (WHIMPERS) I hope Rex doesn't want his skin suit back. (ALL SCREAM) As a much-loved fixture, chairman and founding member of the cycling club, I proudly announce my nomination . So, humans, we meet at last. You're a lot smaller than I thought you'd be, but a lot braver than I expected. Tane and Riley are the brave ones. I like to think of myself as that sensible, less-edible one. You don't belong here, bro, so I think you should probably go back to where you came from and leave our island alone. (CHUCKLES) I like this one. You see, the thing about bravery is it's so easy to turn brave men into cowards. You just have to apply a little bit of pressure. What was it that you said before, Slug? Oh, that's right. Let's bang this up a notch. (RUMBLING) (GASPS) No, Jack, we need you here, mate. You're the only one that can drive the ferry. But my wife and my son. They'll be OK, Jack. Tane's a smart kid. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) (ROARS) Insignificant warm-bloods. We will be victorious. We will win the day, and you will be little more than dirt on the soles of our boots. This goes against my strict exercise ban, but we should run! Uh, yep. Yeah, run fast-as. Fast-as? Fast as what? Us? (CHUCKLES) I doubt that. (LAUGHS) Hyah! Go, Ms Bitey, go. (ROARS) (WHIMPERS) Maybe we should split up. He can't chase all of us. OK, let's lose them and meet up at Mr Slab's. Oh no, who do I go with? Tane seems like the right choice, but surely they wouldn't harm a girl. Riley, wait up! Oh no, I made the wrong choice! I made the wrong choice! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Oh dear. Looks like this is the end of the line for you. OK, Ms Bitey, dinner time. (ROARS) Stop! No one is getting eaten today. Archduke Blueblood. Whoa there, big girl. The last time I checked, I outranked you, Victor von Slither. Technically, that is true. Um, you've got no clothes on. Bravery doesn't need clothing. It took these young humans to remind me of that. The invasion is off. Says who? Says Rex Blueblood. Is that supposed to make me see the error of my ways? Bad news ` it hasn't. Once the waves of lava cleanse this island of the vermin that inhabit it, (SQUEAKS) we can pave the way for our people to join us in our new above-ground getaway. (WHIMPERS) You should've followed Tane. I know. We're gonna be fried. Like delicious chickens. No one's frying my chicken friends today. (SHUDDERS) What is this? Why, that is snow ` a lizard's worst enemy. (SHUDDERS) It's freezing. I hate it. Oh yes, just a little note about your above-ground getaway. It gets cold, real cold. Um, guys, I think it's about to get even colder. Oh. Whoa. Whoo! Uh, it's horrible. I can barely move. Yeah, lizards kinda need external heat, so you might wanna go somewhere warm before the hypothermia sets in. (GASPS) Permission to retreat, sir? Permission granted. Ms Bitey, hyah, let's go. Laters, stupid lizards! No` No offence, Rex. None taken. (SOMBRE MUSIC) Dad! Tane, I'm so glad you're safe. Where have you been? There were these lizard guys, and they were controlling the volcano. They were riding on a T-rex, and we made it snow, and Mr Blueblood helped. Not as much as you helped me. Huh, what, that sounds crazy. Did you see your mom? She's still missing. What? (HICCUPS) Look over there, where something is happening. Hey, my wife! My mum! My wheelchair. There's someone I'd like you to meet. Her name is Tui. (GASPS) Tui. I suggested Dennis, but, uh, as Kiri pointed out, it's a horrible name. Ah, thank you, Dennis. I made him Tui's godfather. Uh, I... uh, I can live with that. And of course, I'm your best friend, right? Don't push your luck. (CLEARS THROAT) People of Ngaro, while our little island looks a little worse for wear, it is my solemn promise as your mayor ` that rhymes, unintentional ` that we will restore our idyllic home to it's former glory! (ALL CHEER) Oh, she's so tiny. Oh, check it out. She's a barefoot bandit. Aw, she's so cute. (SNIFFS) Although somebody could use a nappy change. OK, but in my defence, that T-rex was terrifying. (GIGGLES, BURPS) Captions by Antony Vlug. www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2017