(WONDROUS MUSIC) (SEALS BARK) - (BEAR GROWLS) - (LEMMINGS CHITTER) (WHISPERS) Don't listen to the haters, Norm. QYou're a polar bear. You got this. I mean, look at those paws. You're an animal, literally. It's an all-you-can-eat seal buffet. Go fill your plate. (ROARS) (NORM GRUNTS) Read 'em and weep, boys. Caribou-yah! Full house. (SEAL BARKS) I'd bet antlers he fails again. Ah, he looks hungry. I'm giving 10-to-1 odds he catches the poor pinniped. They say I can't hunt. (LEMMINGS CHITTER AND SCREAM) Oy, phooey. How can I be king if I can't hunt? (BARKS) NORM: Ooh! (SCREAMS AND GRUNTS) This is gonna hurt! (GRUNTS) (SIGHS) That wasn't so bad. Oy! That was bad. They say he doesn't have any focus. - (GIGGLES) - Huh? - Hi, Elizabeth. - Hi. Whoa! Jeez, it's like pure ice up here, an accident waiting to happen, you know? I mean, somebody should really do something about this, huh? (CLEARS THROAT) Lemmings! (ALL GRUNT) (SEAL BARKS) Anyway, I really should get going now. I got a seal to go catch and eat, and I... Anyway, I, uh... See ya. Gotta go. 'Bye now. Catch you later, Elizabeth! (SHIP'S HORN BLARES) Babe, look! A hunt! This trip is finally paying off. (SCREAMS) Any last words before I eat you? (BARKS AND WHIMPERS) Oh, come on. Don't say that. (SIGHS) You always know exactly what to say to get to me. WOMAN: Ha-ha! Eat him! Eat him! - Yeah! Eat him! - Eat him! You wanna know why I'm not gonna eat you? You got a minute? Well, maybe an hour? It all started when I turned 13. In health class, they told us how our growl would change, how we'd start getting more fur on our bodies. But they didn't say anything about speaking to humans. (GASPS) I want one! I want one! I want one! I want one! Aren't they supposed to stay 50 yards away? If this little brat takes one more step, I'm gonna pounce. (GIGGLES) Keep it up, kid. The only thing you're gonna get is a mauling! Can't you see we're wild animals here? Did you just talk to me? Wait. You can speak bear? (LAUGHS) No, dummy. You're speaking human. (GASPS) - (SNORES) - NORM: I didn't know what to do. No other bears seemed to be able to speak human. And certainly, no other bear had these weird feelings that I had. So I went to go see the wisest bear in the world, the King of the Arctic, who conveniently was also my grandpa. I don't know what to do. I didn't ask for this. What is wrong with me? Nothing is wrong with you, Norm. You're special. Yeah, a real one of a kind. Actually, more like two of a kind. I share the same trait. I too can speak to our human visitors. - You can talk to them too? - I can. Polar bears are icons of the Arctic, Norm, and an icon with a voice can be very powerful indeed. Our land is vulnerable and we're responsible. For now, just know that what you and I have is a great gift. One day you'll truly understand. But when will I understand? - (DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) But it didn't end there. Human tendencies had taken over my body. That's when I started doing the Arctic Shake. SONG: # Everybody # Let loose, be free # Be who you wanna be... # I put the 'soul' in Winter Solstice... # Jump up, get down, move your body all around # Let your crazy out # Let your crazy out... # (DISTORTS) ..until the batteries ran out. (SIGHS) These days, I'm pretty glad I have these feelings, but I just don't know what to do with them. That brings me to the other day. (ANIMALS LAUGH) (LAUGHS AND CLICKS) Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer! I knew he wouldn't kill the seal. Pay up. Fine, here. You're lucky these things grow back. I'm a bear who can't hunt. I'm softer than frozen yoghurt. Who needs a bear with too much care and not enough scare? Norm! What is that, a haiku? (LAUGHS) What did Dad tell you about writing poetry? I know, I know. Leave the poetry to the panda bears. What's up, Stan? I only caught the tail end of it, but I made some money off your failed hunt today, big bro. (LAUGHS) I wish I'd caught the tail end of my hunt. Let me give you some advice, bro. Act with your stomach and not your heart. - (SHIP'S HORN BLARES) - Huh? (GIGGLES) Oh, my 5:00 is here. Excuse me, Normie. I don't know why you spend so much time and energy on these tourists. They're ruining it up here. Au contraire, mon frere. (LAUGHS) As Dad always says, if humans come to our land and clap, they can't come to our land and crap. Give 'em a scene... (LAUGHS) ..the Arctic stays clean. Thanks, Stan. I got it. But Grandpa always said` Enough about Grandpa, Norm. He left us, remember? He's not here. We are. The humans won't destroy something they love, and they love... us! Let's give these people what they came a thousand miles to see - a show! And go! (LIVELY MUSIC) (HONKS) (SEAL BARKS) (ALL CHEER) You ain't seen nothing yet. Whales. I need whales! (SEALS HOWL) SONG: # Do-wa do-diddy da-di-da-do-wa # Do-wa do-diddy da-di-da-do-wa # Do-wa do-diddy da-di-da-do-wa # Whatcha gon', whatcha gon' do with that dessert? # How many times do I have to tell you? This ain't Orlando. Act real! Oh! Not that real! Oh, that's the fourth time this month. Norm, I need you for the finale. I'm desperate. A whale just ate my actor. This is my nightmare! Ugh! Please! No, the Arctic Shake was for your bachelor party. I'd never do that for the human tourists. Never! Never! Never! (ELECTRONIC POP MUSIC) SONG: # Yeah # No time, no time, no time to lose # You got no time, no time... # - Wow! - # Listen! # Baby, baby, won't you take my hand? # Don't be afraid to take a chance. # Together there is nothing we can't do, # so start it up, get in the groove. # Dance, dance, dance out of control... # That bear's not scary at all. He doesn't belong in the Arctic. He belongs on Broadway! (LAUGHS) Right? Yeah! Oh, wow! Hey, can he... Can he do the Charleston? (DOWNCAST MUSIC) Socrates, O wisest of the winged, brainiest of the beaked. Caw! Norm! Grab a seat. Be with you in a minute. Just finishing up. And the next thing you know, I'm twerking in front of a boatload of human tourists. Twerking?! Have some self-respect, Norm. I just don't know why everyone wants to be so nice to these intruders. They've never done anything for us except come to our land uninvited. Ah. Your grandfather had a saying. "Panem et circenses." Bread and circuses. He meant it's easier to distract ourselves with food and entertainment than think about real problems. What happened to Grandpa, Socrates? Did he really just disappear? SOCRATES: The theories are plentiful. Some believe he's on a vision quest. Some people think he simply went to search for fish, while others think he went to follow the band... Phish. (CHUCKLES) Me, I think your grandpa knew something was happening and tried to fight it. And it looks like that something IS happening. Holy icicle. Is that a human house? Wah! It's a model home. A sales tool. Just arrived. Literally fresh off the boat. It means more of these houses are gonna be coming. Humans are moving here? To live? It starts with the tourists. Then someone says, "I could do this year-round." It happened to my buddy, Freddy the Flamingo. He was in Florida, minding his own business. Couple of tourists show up - next thing you know, there are plastic statues of Freddy on everyone's lawn! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) We gotta talk to the king. Norm, that house has nothing to do with why Grandpa vanished. (ANIMALS CHATTER) Dad, you're not listening. There's more! There's a human house right here on Grandpa's land. Humans are moving here now. (ANIMALS LAUGH) Ah, Norm. You always did have such an imagination, now, didn't you? First with the poetry, then... I swear it's true. Socrates and I snuck in. And look ` from Florida. (ANIMALS LAUGH) to go anywhere near there. You hear me? Grandpa's land is off limits. Understood? (SCOFFS LOUDLY) Snuck in. Norm, you shouldn't go onto property that doesn't belong to you. You should know better. Besides, I'm sure the house you're referring to is simply a research hut. you wanna be king? A future king isn't supposed to get so emotional! We hunt, we lead and we sleep. Simple. Now, there is plenty of ice to go around. Just stay away from there! Far away! And for the love of salmon, no more talking human. You got me? (SIGHS) Yes, Dad. (ANIMALS LAUGH) Did you see that? He wants to give away the Arctic. That's it. We're done. Norm, it all points to the same thing. Humans are invading our land, and you are a polar bear who can speak to humans. You're the only one who can do something about this. Socrates, I can't even hunt. (SIGHS) Norm, your grandpa once told me, "Norm's the only bear that has the potential "to be King of the Arctic. "He feels the Arctic's pain, "and if he feels it enough, he'll stand for us." I can't even stand for myself. ELIZABETH: Norm, don't listen to them. They're just furry robots sitting in their ice cubicles obeying the rules, pretending nothing bad's ever gonna happen. But you can change the rules. You're seeing the future. They're just living in the past. You can find a new way. Don't just dance for the humans. Fight for our home instead. OK. I won't let you down. (SNORES) - Socrates! - Cranberries! (SQUAWKS) Surprise is the number one cause of death in the elderly, you know. (GROANS) We have to do something! I have to do something! (GRUNTS) Ah. Number one or number two? - We gotta take some... - MAN: Action! - NORM: What the heck is that? - Caw! That is proof of why you should stay in school. First you're cutting class. Next, you're dressing up in a bear suit doing twirls for a real estate commercial. The seals would kill him. Cut! Who said that? I'm the only one who yells, "Cut!" I'm the director! I'm not just gonna be a furry robot sitting in an ice cubicle. We have to point that director in a new direction. Oh, great - a suit coming to give me creative notes on my masterpiece! NORM: Hmm. (CHUCKLES) Caw! But I'll need soldiers on the ground - invisible soldiers. (ALL CHITTER) Those little guys? They'll get crushed. Trust me, they're indestructible. (GRUNTS AGGRESSIVELY) - What's he doing? - He wants you to stomp on him. He wants you to prove how tough he is. Could he sign a release first? I'm gonna get, like, lemming juice everywhere. Do it. I killed him! If I go down, Socrates, I'm taking you down with me! Wait for it. Wait for it. - Ta-da! - You're invincible. You guys got springs for bones. Hmm. Can you see this, honey? It's so beautiful, isn't it? It's beautiful, Mom, but what will it look like when you and Mr Greene build all those houses there? You're changing the Arctic. Change isn't always good. Olympia, if this campaign works and the houses sell, that means great things for us. But it really is amazing up here. (GASPS) Oh. (GULPS) Olympia, I'll call you right back. Hi. Vera Brightly, head of marketing for Mr Greene. The commercial is a masterpiece! I deserve an Oscar! Well, you can't win an Oscar for a commercial, but as long as it can sell condos, we've done our job. (INHALES AND SIGHS) Can you smell that? The air is so fresh here. It's completely unpolluted. Caw! (SQUAWKS) Holy Hitchcock! That bird just pooped on me! I think that's good luck, isn't it? (PEOPLE EXCLAIM) Wah! Who forgot to secure the lights? I swear I secured them. SOCRATES: Wah! Caw! Is that bird aiming for us? Oh, poop. Oh my gosh. What is happening? Vera, we're fine. I still have the background lights. (PEOPLE YELL) Wait for it. Wait for it. (LEMMINGS CHIRP) Don't tell me those were the background lights. Don't worry, Vera. I've already shot most of the commercial and it's all on this reel. We'll fix the rest in post. Anything can be fixed in post. In one of my movies, I wrote the plot in post. Uh, excuse me, Nigel. Vera, a director always delivers and never quits. There goes the footage. Ah! I quit! I quit! You can't quit - we have a one-day film permit, and the house goes back to New York tonight. Au revoir, as they say in France and some parts of Canada! Oh. Ah. Good job today, lemmings. - But let's not get too comfortable. - (LEMMING SQUEAKS) Oh, there's one more down there. Oh, sorry about that. You guys gotta speak up, seriously. If you're gonna go to the bottom, tell somebody. (SQUEAKS) Let's not completely relax until Pretty in Pink heads back to America. OK, Vera. You're a problem-solver. When you're faced with a problem, what do you usually do? You solve it! If only I had some seals and ice and, uh... - Are there penguins up here? - (SEAL BARKS) (SEAL BARKS) (GROANS) Sea lion! Hi! Please come back. I need your help with this shot. Please? It's a seal, you generalist. Humans think all animals look the same. Ouch! Cracked driveway. Not a good selling point. Hey, the Arctic comes as is. - Who said that? - (PHONE RINGS) - Mommy! - Sorry, honey. Mommy couldn't call you back. I was busy putting out a fire. The Arctic is on fire? Wait. So you're melting it now? No, no, not real fires. Everything is fine, sweetie. I'm totally fine. Whoa... Oh no. Move it, lady! Oh no. A polar bear! Really? Oh, they're amazing. Ursus maritimus. I think he's charging me. Is that bad? Look it up on the internet. It says, "When confronted with a polar bear, "assert dominance and stand your ground." I don't think it's working. (GASPS) Let me call you back, honey. Mommy has an idea. Love you! Tired of suburbia? Come to the Arctic where every day is a safari in the snow! All you need to do is step outside your front door, literally. (SHRIEKS) Waterfront property now available. Hmm! You're welcome! Mr Greene, we've had some problems up here. Oh, Vera, my dear-ah, there are no problems. Only messages from the universe. Om... Say it with me, Vera. Om... Om... Mr Greene, the director quit! What?! I knew you shouldn't have hired that overpaid, pretentious... OK, how are you gonna fix this? How are you gonna fix your fault? Hmm? Well, I've been filming all day, and I got some really great footage of a polar bear that almost attacked me. You've been filming? That is so cute. I'm sure you think you're a regular Scorsese. Alright, I need something people might actually wanna watch. (SIGHS) Wait a tick. I love it. I love it, I love it! This bear is a star. Safari in the Snow. Genius of me. This will definitely get me approval from the Polar Council. I can't believe it. I'm gonna be so rich. Condos, shopping malls, Volvo dealerships. Oh, God, you name it. It's gonna be Dubai on ice. Bring the commercial and the model back home to New York, and I'll see you tomorrow manana. That means 'morning', I think. Remember, we have one week to get this approved. Actually, Mr Greene, while I have you - any word back from your alma mater, the Magister Mundi Academy? It's Olympia's dream to go there, but as you know it's impossible to get in without an alumni recommendation. Yeah, but she ain't getting in until the condos get in. I won't let you down. I promise. Vera, scrap the campaign. We need a real symbol of the Arctic who can talk to these people and convince these morons to buy my homes. Find an actor who looks just like that bear. Let's use the Arctic to sell the Arctic. Booyah! (GASPS) An actor that looks like just like that bear? Oh, brother. You heard them, Norm. They want an actor who can use the Arctic to sell the Arctic. If that actor is you, we can use the Arctic to save the Arctic. You need to go to New York and stop these houses from ever getting here. (SHIP'S HORN BLARES) (MACHINERY WHIRRS) (ANGELIC CHORUS SINGS WORDLESSLY) I hear they have good pizza in New York. - Come on! - (LEMMINGS CHITTER) - (GRUNTS) - (LEMMINGS CHEER) SONG: # Can you feel it? Now it's coming back # We can steal it If we bridge this gap # I can see you through the curtains of the waterfall # So say Geronimo # Say Geronimo # Say Geronimo # Say Geronimo # Say Geronimo # Say Geronimo # Say Geronimo # Can you feel # My love # Bombs away # Bombs away, bombs away... # (SHIP'S HORN BLARES) (ALL SHRIEK) - (SIREN WAILS) - (HORNS HONK) Wow. What could a bear like me do in a city like this? Lemmings, I have a feeling this journey might not be as smooth as we'd hoped. Just gotta remember to stay - oh! - grounded! (SCREAMS) Nooo! This place is so amazing, Mom. Did you know that their Latin department is so good they single-handedly resuscitated the language? It's no longer dead! VERA: Well, it's a school for only the gifted and talented geniuses like you. It really is perfect. But try not to fall in love just yet, OK? This is only a tour, and we still need Mr Greene's help. Mom, you're putting too much pressure on yourself. We don't need Greene's help. I can get in on my own. I know it. Just have fun in there, sweetheart. (DOOR CLOSES) (TOILET FLUSHES) It's the most amazing thing. I gotta tell all my seal buddies. You press the lever, the water goes up. (LAUGHS) Oh! Uh, oooh! MEN: Huh? Um... Oh, hey, guys. Come on in. Um, help yourself to some fur balls in the fridge. - (GROANS) - (BURPS) Another talking bear? We gotta tell Mr Greene. Wait. What do you mean, ANOTHER talking bear? Oh! Bring the tranquilliser guns. Over. (LEMMINGS GRUNT) (ALL WHIMPER) MAN: Greene House Company, where art thou? The King of the Arctic has come to greet you. Well, it's not Macbeth, but it's a job. (HUMS HAPPILY) OK, bad costume, but he knows the way to Greene. THUG: There he is! Come on, lemmings. (HUMS) Hey! Ha-ha-ha! (ALL SCREAM) Yes, I am the King of the Arctic, and the king is hungry! Sustenance! Hark, seal! Hark, I say! Hey, you! - Huh? - Huh? (YELPS) Hey! - There he is! - I think we can take him. (BOTH GRUNT) A real polar bear always does his own stunts! Come here and feel my Arctic wrath. (GRUNTS) Jeez, they don't call this place a concrete jungle for nothing. Oh, yes! (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yee-ah! It was just a misunderstanding. We thought you was a real talking bear. Thank you. That's a fantastic compliment. (ALL SQUEAK) Ahh! Mad rats! Mad rats! Yes! Run, cowards! NORM: Get back here, lemmings! So you're here for the Greene Homes audition? King of the Arctic, I take it. Yeah. Use the Arctic to sell the Arctic. It makes sense. Well, you certainly look the part of a bear. That costume is exquisite. Just a little something I threw together. - (GAGS) - Yes. I thought I had this role locked up, but now my bear suit is ruined. Oh, I'll never get this one. Look, when you were attacking those men, you really had me convinced you were a bear. Yes, I am a phenomenal actor, but I can't compete with you. Such authenticity. (SNIFFS) You even smell like a polar bear. Me, I smell like macaroni and sweet vermouth. Now go and get that part! (HUMS) WOMAN: Let me be frank. Condos in the Arctic is a ludicrous idea. Now, condos in the Bahamas - that, people can understand. Until we can see public support, we will not approve this. Polar Council, please. I do this all over the world. I know where people wanna live before they do. Our homes are very deluxe, and you would love them, Councilwoman. People aren't interested in living in the Arctic. Know how I know? Because that graph shows you're currently at a 3% approval rating. Until that number gets above 85%, not approved. (BOPPY MUZAK PLAYS) Hi, everyone. Sign in and wait over there, Travolta. (ALL GROWL WEAKLY) Hey, guys. Toilet's right there. Help yourselves. (LEMMINGS URINATE) - Oh. - (ALL SIGH) (SCOFFS) Whatever. Oh, yeah. Looks like we're real close to approval, Vera. Great work. We need to get to 85% and we're at what, 2.8?! Vera, where is my bear? Mr Greene, I've got bear actors from Broadway and the big screen coming right now. Well, I hope so. Because if you fail, you can kiss your daughter's chances of getting into my alma mater goodbye. Know what else you can kiss goodbye? Yo' job! 'Cause I promise you, it will vanish, just like those condos we built in the Bermuda Triangle. WOMAN ON INTERCOM: Mr Greene, I have the investors on Skype for you. Oh, great. The Arctic condo investors. And no approval for Arctic condos! (SIGHS) Thank you all for coming. OK, we're looking for real. Let me have it! (ACTORS GROWL) OK, I'm not quite getting King of the Arctic. It's more like Queen of the Prom. Bear, bear, bear, bear. I need real. I need something to save my... (ROARS) (ACTORS GASP) (LEMMINGS CHITTER) You, come with me. Only if I can bring my lemmings. We're with the same agency. Cute and very marketable. Bring 'em. (SITAR MUSIC PLAYS) (SIGHS) (YELPS) Mr Greene, meet Norm of the North. Hmm. Yeah, he's pretty. And I feel scared. Ooh, ah. Can Norma play King of the Arctic? It's Norm. (GROWLS) (SHRIEKS) Help! I'm being mugged! Just take the watch, take my wallet. Just don't touch my ponytail. That's where I keep all my powers. (YELPS) Vera! Vera! Throw me my mace! And my wet wipes! (WHIMPERS) Sorry, Mr Greene. I was just...keepin' it real. You know, trying to use the Arctic to sell the Arctic. You know. Norm is just a consummate actor. He certainly looks the part, and he even brought Arctic lemmings. (ALL CHITTER) (YELPS) Janet! The rats are back! Call pest control because the fire department doesn't show up on time! (ALL CHITTER) Om...gonna die. Mr Greene, you said authentic sells, and no-one does authentic better than Norm of the North. Well, he's too authentic. I mean, we need a bear that is happy, that makes people feel warm and safe. You know, fake! You're fired, Norm! Get out of my office! - Om... - You want happy bear? You got happy bear. - (CLICKS FINGERS) - (LEMMINGS SQUEAL) SONG: # Let loose, be free # Be who you wanna be - # Stand up and shout - # Shout it out! # (LAUGHS) This is great. Add three more dancers and we got a boy band. # Let your crazy out # Shout it, shout it Shout it out loud # Do it, do it Do it right now... # Norm, I take it back. You're hired. Vera, take our newest star out to lunch. Come on, Norm. We'll go to Kozawa Sushi just upstairs. It's the freshest fish in town. (MUTTERS) Kozawa's pricey. Uh, OK. Vera, can you come here for a second? Just no lobster, Kobe or tipping, OK? By the way, Norm, if you like mixed drinks, you must try the flat and sparkling water. (SNIFFS) Wow, that actor actually smells like a bear. I haven't smelled anything that foul since... (GASPS) Wait a minute. (SNIFFS) (DING!) (SNIFFS) (GRUNTS) Has he spoken again? Uh, nope. Something felt a little too real with that bear. The only thing that looks like a bear, sounds like a bear and smells as bad as a bear IS a bear. - (SNARLS) - (SNIFFS) I knew it! You think you're real slick, don't you, old bear? You thought you could send one of your bear operatives to take me out? Hah! Well, I got news for you, Gramps. No way I'm going down that easy. Norm of the North is finished. I've got a bear assassin to get rid of. (GRUNTS) Norm? (DINERS GASP) He's an actor. Never takes off his costume. Mmm. Oh! Are you OK? I'm fine. I usually sit on the ground at home anyway. Um, for an entre, you want to do Chef's choice. He can always read what his guests want. Sure. This should be interesting. Sorry we couldn't bring the lemmings. A little health code thing. You think they're OK down in the office by themselves? Uh, I needed this. You have no idea. This day has been something else. Both the bridge and the tunnel were closed this morning, so traffic was a nightmare, and Tony was yellin' at me like it was my fault or something. He's just mad because he's short. No offence. So, um, Greene Homes up in the Arctic? Crazy, huh? I'll take you to see an exact mock-up of one. It's actually a few floors down from our offices. You'll see, they practically sell themselves. If that's even a good thing. - What's that? - Nothing, nothing. Just, after having been up in the Arctic myself and seeing how beautiful it is, I wonder if it's even good to have houses up there. That sounds silly, doesn't it? Not at all. I know exactly what you mean. (PHONE RINGS) Oh, I gotta take this. It's my daughter. Hi, Olympia. How did the tour go? Are you loving the new school? Well, it was just a tour, but I'm happy you love it. I'll talk to Mr Greene again and... No. OK, honey. I have to go. See you tonight. Love you. - A lot going on? - Yeah, sorry about that. Olympia is, well, brilliant, but it's...it's complicated. - Good schools are important. - Yes! Really, really, really important. - Hmm. - Oh, thanks, Chef Kozawa. That certainly looks fresh. (SNIFFS) - (LIFT DINGS) - Do you want to play rough? OK! - (ALL SCREAM) - Don't worry, patrons. It's just a tranquilliser gun. It's only sometimes lethal on humans. I don't know who sent you, but the party's over, pal. Mr Greene! What are you doing? You smell like a wild animal, Norm. Mr Greene, just because I haven't bathed, you're gonna shoot me? Jeez, I heard New Yorkers could be hostile, but this is a little much. MR GREENE: I'm warning you! (SHRIEKS) - (GROWLS) - (YELPS) (SQUAWKS) Ohh...is there a sharp pain in everyone's bottom? (DISTORTED) Or is it just me? Ah, I'm feeling it. - (GASPS) - (DINERS APPLAUD) Norm san, you are my guest any time. Arigato. Do itashi, bro. - (GRUNTS) - Norm of the North, everyone. Where am I? What happened? (SHRIEKS) Somebody shoot that bear! Mr Greene, please relax. I think you might want to see this. The local news caught your outburst at Kozawa's today and Norm's heroism. Everyone's talking about Norm, and look at our approval ratings. Hah! Oh, my goodness. We are rising faster than the oceans. - Norm, uh, buddy. I... - (SNARLS) I thought he was a real bear. I mean, I was confused because he smells just like that other polar... Huh? (SNIFFS) ..vortex. That storm brought all the smells of winter right to our doorsteps. (SNIFFS) Real bear, huh? You know what? Just forget the whole thing. Some guy from a cola company approached me at Kozawa's. Said they needed a bear for a holiday thing. Because of me, your ratings just jumped 20%. (CHUCKLES) Imagine what I could do for a real company. VERA: Norm, wait. If you let him walk out that door, we are back to square one. Norm, Norm, Norm. Um, I'm so sorry I shot at you. Hug? - Awkward. - (CHUCKLES) Well, Normie has to look for a new job and a place to live. Not all of us can afford a fancy Greene condo, which I hear is fully furnished and uninhabited. And I will probably sleep in the park alone. Norm, wait. Vera, he can stay in the model home. Ah! I am brilliant! (LEMMINGS CHITTER) Hmm. Perfect. So close to work, no commute and so homey. Right, lemmings? Hey, hey, hey, hey, careful. Those are the finest leather hides from Italy. Are they house-trained? Oh, definitely. They've peed in tons of houses. (LOW PIANO NOTE) Well, I guess we'll settle in. OK. We'll work on getting you out on the campaign trail for Greene Homes. Get some rest, and there's a mini bar with some food in it. I'll give you a 3% discount. Vera, you work on setting up the marketing. I'll take care of the rest. OK, boys, we gotta find Grandpa, stop these condos from getting built and get home. And on top of all that, Mr Greene is watching us, so act natural. - (ALL FART) - Not that natural! - OK... - (LEMMING FARTS) - OK, look. - (LEMMINGS FART) - (LEMMING SQUEAKS) - OK, look. We need someone to provide cover while I go investigate that shelf that smelled like Grandpa. I think I know just the guy. - (LEMMINGS SQUEAK) - (FARTS) Look, all you have to do is go up there and pretend to be me. The lemmings will let you in. There's plenty of salmon in the mini bar, so help yourself. Brilliant. Thank you, kind bear. We'll leave the lights on for you! OK, it's just like an iceberg - an iceberg with hundreds of witnesses to watch me climb. (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYS) (LAUGHS) - Hmm. - (PHONE RINGS) I just got it. That's our Norm, huh? I'll start booking talk shows first thing in the morning. (LEMMINGS LAUGH) I have Councilwoman Klubeck ready for the call. Janet, you're the best at being the worst. - Knock next time. - Whatever. You just woke me up, so this better be good. Sorry to wake you, but I found an actor who plays a polar bear perfectly. He even smells like a bear. The public will fall for him for sure. Smart. They'll love him, especially all those extra tourists we let in the Arctic just for you, Greene. On that note, the floor plans for your condo in the Bahamas are already on the way. It's so gigantic it's bigger than my ego. And we got those deluxe shower heads. Oh, it'll wash that guilt right off. I don't have any guilt. You want ten miles of ice, we still have 5 million more. Just get the people behind this. I need that to push this through. Well done, Greene. As usual. Ah! (LEMMINGS SQUEAK) (SNIFFS) That smells like my grandpa. OK, think - if you were a slightly creepy one-note villain, where would you keep stuff hidden? (GRUNTS) (MACHINERY WHIRRS) (ALL CHITTER) Right. This guy's got security cameras everywhere. I'll be too obvious. You guys go check it out first. If Grandpa's actually in there, tell him Norm has come to the rescue. Ooh! If you guys had bones, I'd be worried about ya. - (LIFT BELL DINGS) - (TV PLAYS) (DYNAMIC MUSIC) Uh! Oh! (LEMMINGS SQUEAK) Lemmings! Is Norm with you? (LEMMINGS CHITTER) (VACUUM CLEANER DRONES) (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH HEADPHONES) (LEMMINGS SCREAM) (LEMMINGS SCREAM AGAIN) (LEMMINGS GASP) (LEMMINGS CHITTER) So he was down there? We need to get him out right now! (LEMMINGS CHITTER) Grandpa says it'll blow my cover if I break him out? - (LEMMINGS CHITTER) - He wants me to build an ark? - (LEMMINGS CHITTER) - Oh, no, no. He wants me to focus on the Arctic, saving the Arctic. I got it. It all makes sense. I'll save the Arctic first, and then I'll save Grandpa. And then, if I have time, I'll build an ark. (LEMMINGS CHITTER) (PEOPLE CHATTER) MAN: Make-up! LEMMINGS: Arggh! (CHATTER) Hey, Norm. Norm, this is my daughter, Olympia. Olympia, this is the great actor I was telling you about. Great to meet you, Norm. Quite a costume you found yourself. Yes, hi, Mr Greene. Sorry I didn't pick up before... Your mom is very good at her job, Olympia. You must be proud. I know. Sometimes I wish she wasn't so good at her job. If it meant she got to spend more time with me. Oh, you have lemmings! The smallest animals in the Arctic. Can I? (LEMMINGS CHITTER) They're very instinctive. They know a good person. (LEMMING GROWL) Arggh! - (LAUGHS) - Hm. So let's see. You're approximately 500 kilograms. Exact skull and nose proportions. I don't know what you're talkin' about. I only weight 194lb, just like the average American male. Please, I know exactly what you're doing, Norm. (GASPS) You're saving the Arctic, your home. So I'm thinking, maybe we can work together, and you can save my home in the process. (YELLS) Like you and me, I tell ya... (GIBBERS ANGRILY) Be honest. What's your plan here? Well, Mr Greene wants to use me to sell the Arctic and I'm gonna use the Arctic to save it. Exactly - you have to rally the public so that they love you, wait for your moment and turn them against Greene. Use his own plan to defeat him. But the key is to make sure you time your moment just right, when the public loves you the most. The approval rating! I'll get it as high as possible, and then I'll strike. Olympia, you really are a genius. My mom's not the only one who studied marketing. (APPLAUSE) So, ladies and gentlemen, we have an unusual guest today who is here to tell us about his home, the Arctic, and how you can make it your home too. Without further ado, Norm of the North! Ugh! - Oh! - (APPLAUSE) (CHUCKLES) (LAUGHS) Hi! Whoo! So, Norm, you're here for a very special mission. Would you like to tell us what it is? Um, I, uh... Oh... Ladies and gentlemen, I think our furry friend's a little nervous. Let's loosen him up with a clip of some of his most recent heroics. GREENE: I'm warning you! Arggh! (APPLAUSE) If we're not helping each other, I mean, what are we here for? - You know? - AUDIENCE: Aww! What are we here for? We're here to sell condos! - Talk about Greene Homes! - MAN: What a jerk. - (CLEARS THROAT) - TAMECIA: What can I say? Norm, the public loves you! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Hey, Tamecia, what do you say we take this party to a bigger stage? # Just keep your eyes on me # I said, "You're holding back" # She said, "Shut up and dance with me!" # It's the bear from the video! I love him! # This woman is my destiny She said, "Ooh, ooh # "Shut up and dance!" # Don't you dare look back # Just keep your eyes on me # I said, "You're holding back" # She said, "Shut up and dance with me!" # # This woman is my destiny She said, "Ooh, ooh..." - Now? - Not yet. # "Shut up and dance with me!" # (CHEERING) # Don't you dare look back # Just keep your eyes on me # I said, "You're holding back" # She said, "Shut up and dance with me!" # This woman is my destiny She said, "Ooh, ooh # "Shut up and dance with me!" # "Ooh, ooh..." # (PEOPLE CHANT) Norm! Norm! Norm! Norm! Norm! Norm! Norm! (GREENE LAUGHS) 85%! Look at Norm! He's famous! Norm's fame has helped our cause, but it isn't enough, Greene. I can't get this through until Norm publicly says, "Norm of the North supports Greene Homes in the Arctic." Make sure he does it, or you're done! (LAUGHS WICKEDLY) This is it, Norm. You did it. The public loves you, and you know what that means. You're right, Olympia. It's time to save our homes. (EPIC MUSIC) (GROWLS) How long can it take to get into a costume? I don't think he liked the outfit. Norm, can you please come out? I think I just did. (CLICKS TONGUE) (LEMMINGS CHITTER) (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) (EPIC MUSIC) OK, lemmings, we got one shot at this. It's show time! We do this, and then we go get Grandpa. # Get up and show a little attitude # Feet springing Feel the bass # Just turn around and shake, shake, shake # Dance, dance, dance Out of control - # You're out of control - # Dance, dance, dance # Just let it go... # (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) - Yay! - (LAUGHS WICKEDLY) - Whoo! - Yay, Norm! Yahoo! Whoo-hoo! (CLEARS THROAT) So someone somewhere thought it was a good idea to build in the Arctic. That someone is our 'friend', Mr Greene. I just wanted to let you all know the truth about what this would mean for my home. (MICROPHONE SQUEALS) - Norm of the North supports... - Huh? - ..Greene Homes in the... - (GASPS) ..Arctic. (GASPS AND GIGGLES NERVOUSLY) CROWD: Norm! Norm! Norm! - (LAUGHS) - (DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) (GROWLS) Ha-ha, Norm, we did it. I'm on with my architect - we're figuring out where to put the first Arctic frozen yogurt shop. Your announcement has been reposted a million times! No, YOUR announcement was reposted a million times! I had something I needed to say. GREENE: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Four homes pre-sold and already built. Mr Greene, you can't sell the homes yet. We don't have approval from the Council. It's illegal. (BABY VOICE) "Aw, I'm little Vera. "I'm scared of the police." (LAUGHS) Guess what, toots, I'm above the law. Welcome to the cold, hard world of big bidness. You sound just like the investors. "Uh, duh, it has to be done correctly, Greene, "with integrity." Please. Wake up and smell the profits. Not to mention that after Norm of the North's announcement today, approval is a guarantee. (NORM GROWLS) Norm, come back! Don't be a diva. (ROARS) (LEMMINGS CHITTER ANGRILY) (CLEARS THROAT) (DOOR SLAMS) Vera, get my lawyer. We're gonna copyright that roar and make it a ring tone. (HORNS TOOT) Hey, it's Norm of the North! You're the king! I'm Norm of the North, king of nothing. I came to save my home. I ended up destroying it. (LEMMINGS MOAN) Norm, your grandpa once told me, "Norm's the only bear "that has the potential to be King of the Arctic." (LEMMINGS CHITTER) (LEMMINGS CRY AND MOAN) VERA: Hey, Norm. Norm! Why don't you come over for dinner? I'd rather be alone right now, Vera. Please, just leave me be. Norm, why are you so down? You were great! The campaign was a success. - Everyone loves you. - Don't you get it, Vera? Because of me Mr Greene is gonna destroy my home. I think you're taking this polar bear act a little too far, Norm. Come on. Olympia would love it if you came over. Olympia? Dinner with a genius? Mm, I'm in. (LEMMINGS CHITTER) You wouldn't happen to know where I can get some ice water? So I can freshen up a little bit. For dinner. Ugh! Oh! Ooh! You OK? OK. (HUMS) Uh. Huh? (GRUNTS) (POP!) Huh? OK. (LAUGHS) Uh! It's humble, but it's home. You should see my place. No furniture, but I do get year-round air conditioning. (LEMMINGS CHITTER) (LEMMINGS EXCLAIM EXCITEDLY) Boing! Boing! OLYMPIA: Thanks, Mrs Soo. - Mommy, you're home early. - How was school today? Scintillating, as usual. Olympia's not really challenged at her current school. That's why Magister Mundi would be so great! All the students are like Olympia. I actually think Olympia and myself are a lot alike. We're both special. We have great gifts. Two peas in a pod. Besties. Anyway, Mommy, I was researching the effects of human activity in the Arctic, and the research is irrefutable. It will destroy the Arctic and possibly the rest of the Earth as we know it. Olympia, Greene Homes will bring awareness to the Arctic. - Huh? - (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Olympia, let's you and I go hang out on that comfortable-looking sofa. (LEMMINGS CHITTER) - Arggh! - (OLYMPIA GASPS) (LEMMINGS CHITTER) (LEMMINGS GRUNT) (PHONE RINGS) GREENE ON PHONE: Vera, it's official. Just got word. The Polar Council is a yes! Oh, OK. GREENE: Make the announcement tomorrow. Time to go public. We're in. We got approval. Well, don't all scream at once. It's not over yet, Norm. You can still do something. Shake it up. Hit Mr Greene where it hurts - his wallet. Hmm. Where do you think the investors are right now? - WOMAN 1: Great job! - PABLO: Great job, everyone. - Great job! - WOMAN 2: Amazing! WOMAN 1: Felt good. (LEMMINGS CHITTER) Oh, thanks, guys. I've got to get Pablo and the investors to un-invest in Greene. Norm! Oh. (PHONE CAMERAS CLICK) (SQUEALING) (HORNS BLARE) Uh! Oh! (NORM ROARS) (INVESTORS SHRIEK) (NORM ROARS) Hi, guys. I'm sorry for just dropping in like this, but... - You're a real bear? - Uh-huh! - Who can speak? - Yeah, who would have thought? But I need to come clean about who I really am and what I'm really doing here. We know exactly who you are. You're Norm of the North. I am Pablo, and this is my investment group. (LAUGHS) Pablo, building in the Arctic will destroy my home. That's where I live. But the Polar Council, they're very aware of the impact. You mean this council? The floor plans for your condo in the Bahamas are already on the way. And we got those deluxe shower heads. Oh, it'll wash that guilt right off. How did you get this? I had some very small, hairy associates relieve Mr Greene of this flash drive. - (BLOWS RASPBERRY) - (CHUCKLES) You're corrupt! You took our money under false pretence, and you're as fake as that ponytail clip-on. It doesn't matter if I'm corrupt, because a deal's a deal. The first four homes are built, and once they land in the Arctic, you're contractually obligated to fund the rest. If I know Greene, he'll have the homes transported tonight. Yeah, and if I know Mr Greene, he'll dispose of anything that reminds him of the Arctic. You promise to take care of Vera and Olympia? I never got a chance to say goodbye. Norm, you have my word. Now get me out of this deal! (PHONE RINGS) We need to get the homes down to the river. That old bear? No. Get rid of him before he can cause any trouble. Commence Operation: Kill That Bear. NORM: Just as Pablo predicted. And just like I predicted. I bet Grandpa is in that last one. (LEMMINGS YELL) - Whoa! - (HORN BLARES) (HORNS BLARE) (LEMMINGS CHITTER) (NORM ROARS) (SNIFFS) Grandpa! (SIREN BLARES) - Norm! - Grandpa! Everyone back home thought you abandoned us, but Socrates and I always knew that something happened. Oh, it's good to see you! You know, sometimes when you stick up to the man, you get stuck with a tranquilliser dart. - Were you able to stop Greene? - Not yet. The houses are being transported tonight. If we can stop them maybe we could stop this whole operation. Then what the heck are you doing here? (NORM YELLS) Norm, don't worry about me. It's your time now. Leave me. Go. Save the Arctic. Save our homes. You ARE the Arctic, Grandpa. (ROARS) Hm. I must have weakened them for you. What do you say we go save our home? GREENE: What? The Arctic rats?! (PHONE RINGS) What?! What do you mean, the bear broke out of the cage? It's impossible! He's, like, 80. It would have taken two bears to... What?! That isn't Norm! Get the chopper and find two polar bears! (SIGHS) How long till the ship leaves? I don't care if they're predicting a storm! Leave now! NORM: The houses are on the way to the Arctic! We gotta get to them! (HORNS BLARE) Where are we headed? - Same place where I came in. - (BUS HORN BLARES) Arggh! - (LEMMINGS CHITTER) - Huh? NORM: There they are! Get ready, Grandpa. There's our ride home! (LAUGHS NASTILY) Ugh! - (GUN FIRES) - Ow! (GUN FIRES) No! (LEMMINGS CRY) (HELICOPTER WHIRRS) (CRIES) (HELICOPTER WHIRRS) - (NORM GROANS) - (GRANDPA SNORES) NORM: If we don't get down there, it's a long swim to the Arctic. (GRANDPA SNORES) (LEMMINGS CHITTER) Oh! Hey! Just shoot those bears. Greene said to put them out of their misery and dump 'em. Wait, wait. You guys think we're bears? You hear that, Grandpa? Oh, talking polar bears in Manhattan? Now, come on, guys. Yeah, maybe our friend the Easter Bunny's around here too. Are you sure they're bears? They sound like humans to me. I didn't sign up to shoot real people. (LEMMINGS CHITTER) (ALARM BLARES) (ALL SCREAM) (ALL GASP) (LEMMINGS WHIMPER) Arggh! (BOTH GASP) GRANDPA: Hm. (LEMMINGS CHEER) (GRANDPA CHUCKLES) (SHIP'S HORN BLARES) - (BELCHES) - (OTHERS LAUGH) Norm, no matter what happens, just know that I'm proud of you. You've come a long way. You might think you're not a hunter, but you are. Your way of hunting is just different than everyone else. You're going to make a great king one day, I know it. - (SIGHS) - What's wrong? We're gonna get this, Norm. No, sorry, it's not about that. I'm just worried. In saving our own home, I may have ruined someone else's. I'm just hoping Vera and Olympia will be OK. OLYMPIA: It's beautiful, Mom, but what will it look like when you and Mr Greene build all those houses there? (SIGHS) Mr Greene, I'm sorry, but I cannot help you destroy somebody's home in order to build houses no-one needs. I quit. (PHONE RINGS) OK, every office around the world is ready to feed this. Are you sure, Pablo? Yes. Send it now. (THUNDER CRACKS) NORM: We have to dislodge this barge so we can flip these houses! These condos must never reach the Arctic! (LEMMINGS CHITTER) Buckle up, guys. This could get bumpy. (LEMMINGS RETCH) LEMMINGS: Whoo! We have to do this. Now! It won't dislodge. It's too rough. The swells keep pushing it back. (BOTH STRAIN) Arggh! NORM: No! Ugh! GRANDPA: Ohhh! Welcome to the real North Shore! See you on the other side, whichever one we get to. But remember, whatever happens, a king always fights for his home! Come on, lemmings! Arggh! (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS BRIEFLY) (SOMBRE MUSIC) GRANDPA: A king always fights for his home! (GASPS) Le... Lemmings! Grandpa! (PHONE RINGS) Talk to me. What the... They never got there? Then where are my condos? The bottom of the ocean? Is that some kind of joke? (GASPS) Two polar bears? (GREENE SQUEALS) "Greene Homes and Polar Council under investigations for bribery charges"? "Beloved Norm helps reveal sham"? These condos weren't for any of you peasants anyway. They were for the one percent. THE ONE PERCENT! (PEOPLE MUTTER ANGRILY) (GREEN SQUEALS) Huh! Would you look at that? I'm late for yoga. Namaste, everybody. Janet? Whatever. Janet! Ugh! Help me, you peasants! Help me! Don't you know who I am? Huh? Rats! They're crawling on me! This is Italian! Arggh! (LAUGHS) Look who's out of hibernation! Son. Every time I see you, you've fallen on your butt. I march to the beat of my own drum. You know that. When everyone else stands, I sit. - LEMMINGS: Tah-dah! - Lemmings! You made it! Where's Grandpa? Did he... We've searched everywhere, Norm. (SNIFFS) No. Norm, you saved our home. I'm sorry I didn't realise until now, but we are so proud of you. (CHEERING) The lemmings told us what you've done. You used your gift and you risked your life to protect ours. And on behalf of all of us, thank you. (CLEARS THROAT) Remember what we discussed. FOREBEAR: A new day dawns upon us. We need a leader who feels for the Arctic, speaks for the Arctic, and always fights for our home. Norm, I crown you... GRANDPA: Now just a New York minute! You can't do this without me. Grandpa! (ANGELIC CHORUS) They all said you drowned. I was 80% sure you were gonna make it. Now, that's what I call a grand entrance! The tide took me all the way to Greenland, but I hitched a ride with an orca. He said he was coming back to audition for Stan. (WHISTLES) You need therapy. I have an opening tomorrow afternoon. Book yourself in. Son, please continue. Norm, I crown you king. (CHEERING) That's my brother! Yeah! Ohhh! (UPLIFTING MUSIC) If the clouds clear and the barometric pressure is just right... Wow! I see Magister Mundi is teaching you all these fancy new terms already. I told you I could do it on my own, without Greene. Aren't you liking it without Mr Greene in your life too? Pablo seems like a much better boss. Well, Norm gave me a great recommendation. Oh, my gosh! I can see it. I can finally see it. He even looks like Norm. I miss him, Mom. Me too. But I know he made it home. I bet he has his own family now. ELIZABETH: Isn't it pretty? Yeah. I wonder if Vera and Olympia can see this too. CUBS: Whoa! They're beautiful! (LEMMINGS CHITTER) (EPIC MUSIC) (UPBEAT MUSIC) # I will work this body I will burn this flame # Oh, in the dead of night And in the pouring rain # Yeah - # Show me what you got - # Yeah - # Work this body on the floor - # Yeah... # (LEMMINGS GASP) (LEMMINGS SCREAM) Arggh! Arggh! Arggh! (LEMMINGS CHITTER) NORM: Wait for it. Wait for it. (LEMMINGS POP) Tah-dah! - # Show me what you got - # Yeah - # Work this body on the floor - # Yeah - # Who do you think you are - # Yeah - # C'mon, meet me on the court - # Yeah - # Show me what you got - # Yeah # Work this body on the floor... # SONG: # Yeah # No time, no time No time to lose # You got no time, no time # Listen # Baby, baby, won't you take my hand? # Don't be afraid to take a chance # Together there is nothing we can't do # So start it up Get in the groove # Dance, dance, dance Out of control - # You're out of control - # Dance, dance, dance # Just let it go # Everybody! # Let loose, be free Be who you want to be - # Stand up and shout - # Shout it out! # Jump up, get down Move your body all around # Let your crazy out # Let your crazy # Let loose, be free Be who you want to be - # Stand up and shout - # Shout it out! # Jump up, get down Move your body all around - # Let your crazy out - # Let your crazy out # Shout it, shout it, shout it out # Shout it out # Do it, do it, do it right now # Push it, push it, push it on through # Push it on through # No time to lose # No time, no time, no time to lose # You got no time, no time, no time to lose # You got no time You got no time to lose. #