I I I I I I COCKTAIL MUSIC SAXOPHONE PLAYS I thought weddings were simple affairs - boy and girl fall in love, he buys the ring and they say, 'I do.' I was wrong. That's getting married. A wedding is an entirely different proposition. I know. I've just been through one. Not mine - my daughter's. Annie Banks MacKenzie. That's her married name - MacKenzie. I'll be honest with you. This house cost less than this blessed event in which Annie Banks became Annie Banks MacKenzie. I'm told I'll remember this with affection and nostalgia. I hope so. You fathers will understand. You have a little girl. She adores you in a way you could never have imagined. I remember how her hand used to fit inside mine. She used to love sitting on my lap. She said I was her hero. Then the day comes when she wants her ears pierced. Next she's wearing eye shadow and high heels. From that moment on, you panic. You worry about her seeing guys who only want one thing. It's the same thing you wanted at their age. Later you quit worrying about her meeting the wrong guy and worry about her meeting the right guy. That's the biggest fear. Because...then you'll lose her. Before you know it you're alone in a big house wondering what happened to your life. It was six months ago that it happened HERE, just six months ago... that the storm broke. Annie had been studying for her Masters in Architecture in Rome. I was at work. My company manufactures athletic shoes. I remember how preoccupied I was that day. Sorry. My fault, Grace. Annie was due back soon. I couldn't wait to see her. George, she landed. My daughter's been flying for 11 hours. It's better when kids are on the ground. I've always been a concerned parent. I'm big on seat belts, bedtimes, curfews, never running with a sharp object. I'm a father - worrying comes with the territory. Nina's meeting her? Yeah. I'm going home right now. Keys... Here. And sign this. OK. Hat. OK, thanks. Oh! 'Bye. 'Bye. I had a little something to pick up for Annie's homecoming. We live in San Marino in southern California. I love this town, not just because people smile at each other, but because it hasn't changed much. It fits me like a glove. I got Annie's 10-speed all cleaned up. I couldn't wait to show it to her. This is our house - 24 Maple Drive. Annie was in grammar school when we bought it. Then Matt was born. I love this house. I love that my kids learned to ride bikes in the driveway, that we carved our initials in a tree here. This house looks spectacular with Christmas lights. It's a great house. But what I like best about this house are the voices that greet me. Hi. You're home early. Where is she? She's unpacking. She looks so fabulous, just fabulous - different. She can't wait to see you. Different? Ciao, Papa. Hey! This candy bar's from Rome! Watch the furniture. Matty - the high tops. Hey, grazie! Hey, you're welcome. What do you mean 'different'? Oh... Annie. Hi, Dad. Oh! Hey! I've missed you. You look all lit up. I feel all lit up. We should go to Rome. It's the most romantic place. You smell good too. It was a present. I almost didn't recognise her. Dinner's on the stove. Want some? Mom, I had this great pasta... All right, we have some very important items to discuss. First, who wants to go to Thursday's Laker game? Me. Definitely, yes. And with your busy schedule. I can't, I'm working. Thursday, sure. Absolutely. OK. Matty, use your fork. I can probably get great seats to the Paul Simon concert. Um, yeah, sure. Paul Simon's an 'Um, yeah, sure.' Does that translate to yes? I'll call that guy. Could you get the wine? Dad, wait. I don't know. You don't like Paul Simon? I do. It's just... Honey, is something going on? Yes. Yeah, it is, Mom. It's hard to tell parents this. Especially MY parents. Oh God! Honey, just say it. Yeah. OK. I met somebody in Rome. He's an American. He's from LA, actually. His name's Bryan MacKenzie. He's this completely wonderful, wonderful, amazing man. And... ..we started seeing each other. A lot. Um... We fell in love. It actually happened. And we've decided to get married. Which means that...I'm engaged. I'm engaged. I'm getting married. Aaah! (Laughs) MATTY: Congratulations. Thank you. Oh, my my! So...that's your engagement ring, huh? Yes. It's from a flea market. It's at least 100 years old. Wow! So, Dad, stop it. Say something. What did you say? I met a man in Rome and we're getting married. What's he doing? George! George! What is it? Well, this is...this is... This is ridiculous! You're too young to get married. Too young? I'm 22. Mom was 21 when you guys got married. That's absolutely untrue! No, you're absolutely wrong. You were this age? No. I was this age when she was born. That doesn't matter. Your mother was mature. Matty, turn on the airconditioner. It's hot in here. Mmm. I thought you didn't believe in marriage. I thought you wanted to get a job. I didn't think I believed in marriage until I met Bryan. Bryan's unique. I want to be his wife. I won't lose my identity because he's not some overpowering, macho guy. He's like you, Dad. Except he's brilliant. He wants me to design a house for us to live in. He'll move anywhere I get a job. George, I'm not marrying some ape who wants me to wear an apron. You'll love him. He's a genius. And sweet. I love him more than anything. What does Bryan do? Who's Bryan? I forgot his name. He's an independent communications consultant. Independent? Yes. That's code for 'unemployed'. Perfect - you meet an unemployed, amazingly brilliant non-ape. I suppose I'll have to hire him because the 'independent communications consultant' can't get work elsewhere. No wonder he'll move anywhere. You're not getting married. And don't call me George. Daddy, what's wrong with you? You're happy about this? Stop playing the lunatic father and talk to her before she runs off with this kid. All right. 'Kid'! He could be 45 years old. (Sighs) (George bounces basketball) An independent communications consultant doesn't mean he's an unemployable non-ape. Bryan happens to be a computer genius. Companies send him all over the world. Major corporations send him to Tokyo, Brazil and Geneva. He's a genius. You mentioned that. How old is this genius? 26. Not 45. You still think I can't hear you. If you really love him I will too. Bryan...? MacKenzie. Bryan MacKenzie. Yeah. Can't wait to meet him. Good. He's arriving in an hour. Fancy a little one-on-one? I'm wearing heels. You've come to the right place. SONG: # I've got sunshine on a cloudy day # When it's cold outside I've got the month of May # I guess you'd say What can make me feel this way? # My girl, my girl, my girl # Talking 'bout my girl My girl # Whoo-hoo # Hey, hey, hey # Hey, hey, hey # Whoo-hoo, yeah # I don't need no money, fortune or fame # I've got all the riches, baby, one man can claim # Well, I guess you'd say What can make me feel this way? # My girl, my girl, my girl # Talking 'bout my girl My girl # Talking 'bout my girl # I've got sunshine on a cloudy day # With my girl... # You're not really getting married, are you? Dad, stop! R What does he look like? He just drove up. And? He drove too fast. (Sighs) DOORBELL RINGS So, George, do you want to meet him? Do I WANT to?! (Sighs) DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN (Nina hums) Oh, hello. Hi. I'm Bryan MacKenzie. Good. I'm Nina Banks. I recognise you from the picture Annie had. Come in. OK. Hello, Mr Banks. I'd never hated the sound of my name before. It's great to finally meet you, sir. 'Sir'! Two words now crossed my mind - 'brown' and 'nose'. It's like I already know you. ANNIE: Bryan. Oh, Annie! So, this is him. Oh, he's just... A little nervous. You read about meeting the in-laws. I'm sure I have nothing to be nervous about, but still... Let's, er...go into the, er... Oh, great. He's adorable. I don't like him. Oh, George... He's wearing Nikes! (Sighs) Mom, where's Matty? He's asleep. Oh. You'll meet him tomorrow. Sit down. So... Um, how did you two, er...meet? We were the only people at this revival house to see 'Bringing Up Baby'. We kept laughing. In the same places. I picked him up. No, no - I asked you for directions. We were together from then on. We went to museums, concerts, the opera. Remember that place we stayed in Tuscany? The one with the...? (Laughs) It wasn't a four-star hotel. Annie's very brave. Bryan, what do you do exactly? Annie was saying something about computers. Yes, I'm an independent communications consultant. That part I heard. Sounds fake, right? We wouldn't say that. That's what MY dad said. Pacific International Bank sent me to Rome to hook up connections with their European subsidiary. All European computers communicate on the Dot 25 network. Pacific International wanted to interface with standard European protocol. So I set them up. Ah. And why are you...independent? What was that? Because no one can afford to keep him. Well, that's true, basically. I tried to put myself in your place. Your daughter comes home after four months away and says she's getting married to somebody you've never met. I'm sure that must have been pretty, um...heavy - there's a word from your generation. I'm an upstanding citizen and I've never been engaged before... ..or in love before. I think Annie's the greatest person I've ever met. I can't wait to marry her and one day have children. And grandchildren. Oh! I'll do my best to support her dreams. She's a gifted architect. I'm thrilled I met her. I love your daughter. My feelings for her will never change. And I'm here to stay. Mom! I'm so happy for you. We don't have to hug. Well, um, maybe later. That was the best thing I've ever heard anybody say. I meant it. Good. I'll take Bryan for a drive. You might need a sweater. It's OK, I'm warm. It's chilly. Dad, I'm fine. It IS cold. It is? I'll get my jacket. Right then I realised my day had passed. She'll never love me the same way. I was like an old shoe, the kind we get excited about, then after a few years discontinue. That was me now - Mr Discontinued. Mom. Don't wait up, OK? OK. Well, goodnight, Bryan. Goodnight. Goodnight, Mr Banks. Call him George - or Dad! George will be fine. OK, see you. Drive carefully. Remember to fasten your condom. Dad! Seat belt! I meant seat belt. I'm putting your father to bed. 'Bye. Goodnight. Goodnight. 'Bye. 'Bye. Bye-bye. Have fun. This kid is great. It'll never last. Want to bet? Annie's much too spirited for this kid. I give it two months. He's the right guy. We're two lucky parents. Lucky? What about his phoney laugh? Ha ha ha! It was sincere. Please! That speech was right out of a book. You're off, George. It was from his heart. Why do you think I cried? Good question! Are my glands swollen? No, honey, no. He kept touching her. Did he? He couldn't leave her alone. Neither could you when we were engaged. We never did that in your parents' house. We did it in every room! That was different. This is our CHILD. George, you still see Annie as a seven-year-old! That's not at all how I see her. A seven-year-old! We don't know who this Bryan really is. Is that his real name? Maybe he already has a wife - you read about these cases. He could be a professional con artist who tells people he's an independent whatever-that-was then takes all their money. What are you doing? Going to bed. I saw someone who looked like Bryan's twin on 'America's Most Wanted'. I'm not interested. George! I thought he was great. I liked him. Stop making that face. I'm very happy and excited for Annie. This is a big deal. We should at least...hug. Oh, this is great news. A wedding! (Laughs) Father of the bride. Can you believe it? I I 48 hours later the wedding was STILL on. We were visiting Bryan's folks. Why have brunch with total strangers? It's not an unusual custom to meet the in-laws. I hate that expression - 'in-laws'. Are we legally bound to these people? I don't want to be 'in-lawed'. What kind of people live in Bel-Air? Rich people! They probably live in a shack amongst these mansions. Nice mood, George. I'm in a good mood! (Exasperated) Ooh! OK, I think this is it. Yep. Nice shack, babe! Worse, it's the biggest house in the street. Pretentious snobs - just what we need. You look handsome enough to be in-lawed. We're not here to win their approval. You changed your outfit five times! You tried on nine shirts! Two! Two long-sleeved and two short-sleeved. Hi! Welcome. Nice to meet you! I'm Joanna. I'm John. Welcome to our house. Come on in. Thank you so much. All I could think about was the size of this place. Our house would fit in the foyer. Nerve-racking thing, meeting your future in-laws. You both look normal! Well, I am! We felt so nervous about today. I must've tried on three different outfits. I changed my shirt four times! Can you imagine being that jerky? Oh, no! We'll have lunch in here. Great. Marta, esta son nuestros in-laws, George and Nina Banks. Mucho gusto. Hello. DOGS BARK Here's the rest of our family. They look like killers but they're friendly. If you're relaxed, they're relaxed. Hi, puppy-puppy! Fellas, that's enough. Release! Good boys. Let's sit down. Please. Thank you. Here we go, George. Honey. Thank you, sweetheart. We were over in Europe on business and stopped by to see Bryan. We met Annie, and fell in love with her immediately! Isn't she great? We couldn't be happier. How did you take the news, George? Me? Truthfully, I was a little surprised. I was shocked. So was I. They haven't known each other long. Exactly, and Annie's just finishing school. I thought it over. Basically they're in love, and they're over 21. If they're rushing it's their business. Right, we're only their parents. I was about to say this, when he hit me with: Eventually you just have to let your kids go. George, Nina. Darling. This guy was making too much sense. My shirt collar was strangling me. To George and Nina - a future of wonderful memories. The wedding of our children, and the happiness we'll all share. Sharing the joy of our grandchildren together. Birthday parties, graduation... Now I understood the expression 'Like father, like son.' I needed some air. Where's the rest room? The one down here is being remodelled. Try upstairs, seventh door on the left. Second? Seventh. Seventh. Seventh. Hmm. DOOR OPENS DOG SNARLS (Whispers) I'm leaving. I'm relaxed and I'm leaving. DOG SNARLS DOGS BARK Relent! Recoil! Reverse! I hope George hasn't got lost. He'll be fine. OK. Er, well, that's such a lovely sculpture. It has a lovely sense of motion. It's from Denmark, like my family. Is that right? Uh-huh. Wonderfully balanced. Amazing. It was for outside. Actually, Bryan spent several summers in Denmark. He now speaks better Danish than Joanna! Is that right? We're planning another trip. What a beautiful spread! Thank you. Should we wait for George? COMICAL MUSIC Maybe I should check on George. No. DOGS SNARL Release! (Whispers) Oh, man. Wow, no kidding - it went great? Better than great. It couldn't have gone better. I'm so relieved - you know what can happen sometimes. Now the wedding's officially on. That looks good. Bryan's mom called with the names of her immediate family. Is this a joke? No joke. Eight are from Copenhagen, and it's the bride's family's responsibility... Do you know what a round-trip ticket costs? Try eight tickets. Actually, it's nine. Joanna's cousin is apparently a rather large woman so she needs two seats. She can lop over into the aisle, because I'm not paying... Hi, everyone. Hi! Hello. Hey, dude! Here you are. Thank you. Selvtak. That's 'you're welcome'. Oh, thanks! I hear you're a whiz at the barbecue, Dad. Well, have you two decided what kind of wedding you want? We've talked about it. What do you think? Big? Small? We don't have that many friends! So, you mean small? She didn't say small. Nothing fancy or overblown, right? Right. Right. The 'less is more' theory, huh? Basically. I have a great idea where we can have this lovely, not-too-big wedding. You do? Where? At our favourite restaurant - the place we've been eating at for 15 years. The Steak Pit! Dad, get serious. We don't want the word 'pit' on the invitation. Sawdust on the floor isn't exactly what I had in mind. No offence. What about the Beverly Hills Hotel? I'd like my wedding in a church and the reception here. Oh. That's what I'd like. Here? (Accordionist plays 'La Bamba') CHATTER AND LAUGHTER Isn't Dad the greatest? Here's a brideburger and a groomburger. My dream wedding - a barbecue wedding! That's better than the Steak Pit! Yeah. We'll get some picnic tables and crepe paper, invite our pals. I'll make my guacamole. A wedding at home - it's a great idea. (Sighs) Great idea - picnic tables, crepe paper, you at the barbecue. Oh, George! What's the problem? Why are you acting so crazy? I'm not! I'm just a normal American dad. Normal? OK, falling in the MacKenzies' pool, suggesting the Steak Pit as a reception, looking for Bryan's face on 'America's Most Wanted'. And now this picnic! You don't understand this wedding is a big deal. Don't go nuts, but when Bryan's mom called she suggested that they pitch in with the cost. We're not millionaires, but we can afford to give our daughter a proper wedding. Proper? With you in a chef's hat? Who said chef's hat? I know you. I saw it differently. I wanted a wedding coordinator to make the whole thing beautiful, and you want the Steak Pit! What's a wedding coordinator? A person who coordinates weddings. What's to coordinate? The invitations, the flowers, the food, the photographer. Don't look like that. Hiring coordinators isn't unusual. You and I run two successful businesses. I'm sure we can arrange one smallish wedding. Let's forget it, OK? I'm not used to all this arguing. Do me a favour and go upstairs. Fine, fine, I'll go upstairs. Remember what's-his-name? His daughter got married and it practically broke him. I remember. You and I will end up on the sidewalk. That was a joke. Hilarious. All right, I'll meet the wedding coordinator. I don't want to, but I'll go. (Sighs) If you still want me to go. Uh-huh. OK? OK. OK? OK. Let me do the talking, OK? BOTH: Huh? I negotiate better. What's his name? Franck. Frank. Franck. Franck? Franck! This is it. OK, here we go. Oh, Mom! No! This is amazing. Oh, my, Annie. Look at this trim. Those beautiful pearls. Oh, I love how they did this, Mom. Do you like this? Yes. That china also comes in a wonderful yellow. Hi, you must be Franck. I wish. I'm Franck's assistant, Howard Weinstein. I'm Nina Banks and this is Annie. Hi. And George, my husband. Hello. May I offer anyone any refreshment - pellegrino, espresso, champagne? Oh! No. No. I'll tell the boss you're here. Look around, have fun. Oh, this is so great! Annie? Yeah. Wouldn't this be perfect? It's gorgeous. Look how it matches the crystal. (Strange accent) Mr and Mrs Banks and their loooovely bride! Hellooooo, I'm Franck. It's such a pleasure to mat you. Oh, the bride, the bride! This was a mistake of gargantuan proportions. This guy was going to coordinate our wedding? How? With subtitles? Oh, I knoooow. Come wid me and we'll tok about the bride's big day. Papa, coom! Oooh, sit down on my own design. Very nice, I think. You haven't made up your list yat, but you want the wodding on Janoooowy 6. Uh-huh. Yeah. Excuse me? Yes, a wedding at home on January 6. I looove woddings at-t-t homes. They're verrrry personable, warm and cosy. So, Janoowy 6 give us seven months. Uh-oh, hellooooo. That's FIVE month! Five month not much. It's a little bit tight, but we can do it. It will be SPECTACULAR! So, now, I suggoost that we select the cack first. The cack often determines vat kind of wodding you end up having. Let's choose the cack, OK? OK. Ch-ch-choose the what? The cake, Dad. Thank you, dear assistant. Now, this one, this is a very popular cack with many of the fashionable woddings. And this I just don't do any more. And THIS is fabulous. That's incredible! That's like the one we saw in the magazine. Do you like it, Dad? What is that? Is that DOLLARS?! $1,200?! This is a VARY risonable price for a cack of this magnitude. A cake, Franck, is made of flour and water. W-w-wel-welcome to the '90s, Mr Banks! Not only did I not understand a syllable, but now he was putting me down. Excuse me, could we please have a second? Of course, take the seconds! Howard, let's return calls. All right, George, what's the problem? Do you want to leave? Do you? I think he'll make this a beautiful wedding. You guys decide. Give him a chance. Annie, do you like this cake? It IS incredible, Dad. All right, but let's just... We'll hold things down. We won't go nuts. Thank you. Franck? Coming! We'll take the cake. Oh, good, good! I'll bring the cook to the house to give everything the once over. You'll be very happy, trust me. Just smile away! Now, interesting idea. This is how I see the theme of the wodding. We go very elegant... I'd been cut out of the deal. Annie, Nina and Franck were in charge now. Beauuutiful china and crystal... Old Dad was history. I was back at work, relieved to be not talking about the wedding. I tried out those 750 trainers. Still stiff? I've got a new shipment of beautiful merchandise - Gucci, Cartier, Louis Vuitton. Never heard of Louis Vuitton. He's big - otherwise they wouldn't knock him off. P.A.: George, line 2. By Friday, OK? I'd been dreading this call since hearing the words 'wedding coordinator'. Hello. This is Howard Weinstein, Franck's executive assistant. I have...(static)..for you. I can barely hear you. I'm in my car. Call you back? No, I want the estimate. What's the damage? With everything from the flowers to the honeymoon limo... OK, everything. How much? ..fifty...head. You're breaking up. It sounded like $150 a head. No, no! Good, I was about to kill myself. It's $250 a head. Get me Nina. She just called. I need the headcount. She told me. What is it - 150? 572. $250 a head means for us to attend this wedding in our own home will cost $1,000. We're cutting this list down. Invite as many people as you want to the church, but we're not having more than 150 people here. Let's start eliminating. Jim Pepper and wife. Great, start with one of mine. I'll cut Steve and Stephanie Tyrel, my best clients. History. Hepburn White. I've known him 20 years! You haven't seen him in 15. All right. Your cousin Betsy, the poet-waitress-picture framer. My family know about the wedding. I only invited Cameron. Mom said I could invite a friend. For $250 you can see Cameron afterwards. Good, five down. Roll it. What about Harry Kirby? We rarely see him. I don't know. Didn't he die last year? Yes! Good! Oh, sorry. Who's Franck Eggelhoffer? WHAT? We're not inviting the coordinator? Exactly! You think I'm paying him 15% plus an hourly to feed him and his assistant? Can Cameron come if he doesn't eat? Good idea. Who else won't eat? My parents, your mother? If we charge people we can MAKE money. Annie. I was kidding. O CLOCK STRIKES FOUR TIMES 'How to give a beautiful wedding on a small budget. 'Bake your own wedding cake. 'Find a good tailor and copy a designer dress. 'Have a friend take the pictures.' From then on I decided to shut my mouth and go with the flow. My first move was to get the old tuxedo out of mothballs. Hey, looking good, my man! Get down. Hey! (Sings): # What's new, pussycat? Whoa-whoa-whoa, whoa # What's new, pussycat? Whoa-whoa-whoa, whoa... # George? Annie, he's up here. (Sings) # Pussycat, pussycat, I love you # De-do-do, YES I do...! # Bought it in '75 and it still fits! Mmm. Like a glove. It's just that... Way to go! Er, maybe... Maybe you could get a new tux. We're all wearing new clothes. Don't I look cute? There'll be single gals. (Laughs) DOORBELL I'll get it. By the way, good news - the church is free. Oh, finally. Something's free. I meant available. FRANCK: Oh, I like that. It's very good. It's got an 'I Remember Mama' touch. It's very nice. We change it all. Franck arrived to finalise all the details of the wedding. First, we auditioned a band singer. MAN: (Sings) # Vo...lare! # Oh, oh # Cantare # Oh-woh-woh-woh # No wonder Annie's happy heart sings # Bryan's love is giving her wings # Like birds of a feather... # Just before I said 'Don't call us,' I heard: Howard, move out all the furniture... Oh! This is a nice statement. It's...lots of fun. Mrs Banks, one question... Move out the furniture? Yes. There's no room for 200 bodies. Where will people sit? We're bringing chairs. If you're bringing chairs, why move the furniture out? I do this for a loving. Trust me. A moving van must take everything out. Annie, Mrs Banks! Come this way, please. What about the singer? There's others. I'd like to see them. No problem. (Makes trumpet noises) The caterer, everyone. My best friend, Hanck Jugininski. (Speaks foreign language) Hi. BOTH: Hi. We need to discuss the manyu. The manyu? Remind me. The menu. Yes! Hanck din speak English. I'll tronslate. That'll be a big help. (Speaks foreign language) (Speaks foreign language) Oooh! Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta, really? (Franck laughs) Oh, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! For the main course, he'll serve vul. I have a problem with that. With what?! With veal. I've read they treat the cows inhumanely. I read that too. You're very chic. No vul. Seafood, which is chic, or fowl, which is chip? Cheap - finally a word I understood. My first and last good news. Mrs Banks... Yes? LOUD DRILLING NOISE What's he doing?! We need more amps for lighting. We'll colour coordinate the flowers with the swans. Right? Swans? We're having swans? They'll waddle around the tulip border. We don't have a tulip border. You will. (Speaks foreign language) Hanck... (Grunts) Stop, Hanck. Hanck doesn't want to prepare choocken. He doesn't what? Does the tent connect here? You have to push... Oh! Come on, let's see. Oh! We can fix that. Hanck wants to know - is the seafood OK? No, Franck. Tell Hanck it's not OK. If I had to move out the furniture, add amps, repaint walls, get a new tux and pay for swans, then I'd like the chipper chicken. Is that clear? I understood the 'cheaper' part, ja. (Clears throat) (Speaks foreign language) (Speaks foreign language) (Both argue) No... Ah! Hanck will tink about this. We don't vant to lose him. He's a genius and we need his mand, OK? I'll see what I can do. Hanck! Hanck! (Shouts) I see you're starting to lose it, but I have one more question - very minor. The parking attendants... Four's wonderful, three's acceptable. Anything less terrifies me. Two. Two. George... Two. Without the vul, Hanck passes. He passes? Hey, Dad! I left my sneakers in Annie's room last night. It was like having an out of body experience. I had to get out of the house - fast! Nina asked me, since I was escaping, to pick something up for dinner. That's all I needed - a busy supermarket. I needed to mellow out - forget the wedding. But mellowing out was not in the cards. Here we go. Yeah. What are you doing? I want to buy eight hot dogs and eight buns. But no-one sells eight buns. They only sell twelve. I pay for four buns I don't need. So I'm removing the superfluous buns. Sorry, you must pay for twelve buns. They're not marked individually. Wanna know why? Because some wiener company big shot got together with some bun company big shot and decided to rip off the American public. They think we're trusting nitwits! Get me security. They won't rip ME off because I'm not buying something I don't need! George Banks says 'No!' Who's George Banks? Me! Why don't we just calm down? Because YOU'RE not excited. It takes two people for a 'we' to calm down. That I don't know. I'm just the assistant manager of a supermarket. If you don't pay for those buns, I'll call the police. Oh...right, yeah! Uh-huh. Yeah, right. That's right. Hey! Right! Hey, come here! Uh-ah! Come here! Uh-ah! CRASH That was the low point - flipping out over four buns. I couldn't figure out why I had gotten so nuts. Banks, your wife is here. Let me out. She wants to talk to you first. She wants to talk to me first? Hello, George. Why are you happy to see me in here? I'm not happy. You think I was happy to tell everyone you were jailed for stealing buns? I wasn't stealing... Ah! I was... Ah! Don't talk or I'll call Officer What's-his-name over there. You've been more than I can handle. Annie's wedding isn't a conspiracy against you. People have weddings every day, everywhere in the world. It's expensive, but we don't go to Europe or own fancy cars. So, we can afford a big wedding. Nina... I'll get you out, Banks, if you agree to the following. Now, repeat after me - I, George Stanley Banks... 'I, George Stanley Banks...' ..promise to pull it together and act my age. '..promise to pull it together and act my age.' I'll stop hyperventilating, rolling my eyes, unbuttoning my top collar button... I don't do that! This bit. This? Uh-huh. 'I'll stop hyperventilating, rolling my eyes 'and unbuttoning my top collar button.' I'll stop making faces and stop telling everybody how much this wedding's costing. I don't tell everyone! (Guard clears throat) He told you? $250 a head? Oh, well, thanks! (Sighs) I'll try to remember my daughter's feelings and how, with every roll of my eyes, I'm taking away a piece of her happiness. I love you, Nina. Just repeat the last part, George. 'I'll try to remember my daughter's feelings 'and how, with every roll of my eyes,' 'I'm taking away a piece of her happiness.' I love you too. Let's go home, OK? (CELL PHONES BEEP) Huh? Oh! (VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRS) (WHOOSH!) (BARKS) (CELL PHONE BEEPS) Oh! To help keep you safe if there's an emergency, all compatible mobile phones are now able to receive emergency mobile alerts. (CELL PHONES BEEP) Huh? Oh! (WHOOSH!) (BARKS) So when you hear this sound,... (CELL PHONE BEEPS) ...stop doing what you're doing and follow the instructions. (BEEP! BEEP!) No! No! Yes! Come on, Matty, let's go! There it goes! OK, I've got you! The champ! All right! Annie! Bryan! Look, you got a present. Our first present! Our second one should arrive soon. My parents are bringing it over. You're giving presents? I'll be right back. What's he getting? Maybe his present. You know about this? No. HORN TOOTS Look at this! For us? Thank you so much. Yikes! A whole car. Dad's gotta see this. Dad! Dad! See the MacKenzies' gift? It's unbelievable - a new car. I know. What's that? Nothing. It's a gift I was thinking of giving you. Something you didn't have but you wanted. Can I see it? Yeah...you know, it's...it's not the big, big gift, of course. It's a cappuccino maker! The store said it's a good one. It's...top of the line. Makes great foam. I couldn't love anything more. SONG: # Going to the chapel and we're... # My feelings exactly. # ..gonna get married # Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married... # Wow! # Gee, I really love you and we're gonna get married # Going to the chapel of love # Spring is here # The sky is blue # Woh-oh-oh-oh # Birds all sing this interlude... # No. # Today's the day we'll say 'I do' # And we'll never be lonely any more... # All right, mister, here you go - a 40 long. It's gorgeous even on the hanger. This is an actual Giorgio Armani. Don't ask how I got it. # Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married # Gee, I really love you and we're gonna get married # Going to the chapel of love # Bells will ring # The sun will shine # Woh-oh-oh-oh # I'll be his... # We have great friends. These are primo gifts. (Imitating Franck) I'm so happy we've decided to serve the very chic but expensive seafood. DOOR SLAMS Ah! The beautiful bride! Good news. You've received another silver tea set. What's wrong? Send it back. Come on! What do you mean? Send them all back. The wedding's off! THUNDER RUMBLES Annie? > Sorry, Dad. I'm not marrying Bryan. OK. Whatever you want is OK with us. I feel so awful, after everything you've done, and now I have to undo it all. Don't worry. These things get cancelled all the time. We'll take care of everything. OK. (Cries) What happened? Another girl? No. Look at your shirt. Don't worry. It wasn't anything like that. It started out as nothing, really. He gave me a present. It's our eight-month anniversary today. He...he gave me...that. Just look. He said it was for our apartment. Just look. It's a blender. (Cries) Yeah! Exactly! I mean...I didn't want a throne or anything. I thought something for the apartment. Maybe...a clock or a cool phone or an art book. But a blender?! What's this - 1958? Give the little wife a blender?! It scared me in terms of his expectations. I freaked out. He asked me what was wrong. I asked him what the gift meant. He said nothing. We started fighting. He said I was overreacting. Why would I overreact? Nobody in our family overreacts. And then he came up with this totally absurd story, this completely outrageous lie. What did he lie about? Oh, it was something about you. Me?! He said the day you and Mom visited his folks... This is so ridiculous! He said you were snooping around his dad's desk. You broke a bathroom mirror, found his dad's bankbook and you somehow threw it in their pool. It's too ridiculous. The man lies. KNOCK AT DOOR Come in! Annie, Bryan's downstairs. I won't see him. He looks awful. Good! Excuse me. I thought I should smooth things over. I took Bryan out for a drink and a talk...man-to-man. But as I listened to his side of the story, I realised this was my chance to get rid of him. You know those banana shakes she likes making? That's why I bought the blender. I see her point. A blender suggests a 1950s reference to sexual politics. But it never entered my consciousness at the time. I believe you. You do? Would you tell Annie that for me, Dad? This was where I was going to lower the boom. But instead, I said: Sure, I'll tell her. Oh, good. Because I know whatever you say she'll believe. Instead of getting rid of him, I talked him into staying. You know, Bryan, Annie's a very passionate person. And passionate people tend to overreact at times. Annie comes from a long line of major overreactors. Me - I can definitely lose it. My mother - a nut. My grandfather - stories about him were legendary. The good news, however, is that this overreacting tends to get proportionally less by generation. So, your kids could be normal. As if that wasn't enough, I went on! On the up side, with this passion comes great spirit and individuality which is probably one reason you love Annie. That's what I love most. That's when it hit me - Annie was just like me, and Bryan was just like Nina. They were a perfect match. KNOCK AT DOOR I can't believe you took him out. What did he say? Honey, I just spent an hour with Bryan. This gift says nothing about how he feels about you. It's for the kitchen. He thought you might want to blend something one day. You believe that? Completely. He's downstairs now. His heart is breaking. Please go see him. That story about me, the bankbook and the pool... Yeah? What?! It's...it's true. Oh, Bryan. Oh, Annie. Sorry about the blender. It was incredibly insensitive of me. No, it's OK. I want it. I'm so sorry about calling you a worm. Dad told me. I thought I'd never see you again. I love you. Me too. Oh. Everything fine now? (Both moan) Good. I'll just... BRYAN: Annie! Hi. What's up? We made it to January. It was the day before the big day. 'The Farmer's Almanac' predicted this week would be the coldest LA had seen in 50 years. Look out! GEORGE: Franck! Franck! Good day. Looks good. MATTY: Right together, left together, right together, left together, right together, left to... Right together, left... What's wrong? You're up pretty late. I'm just practising. I wish I wasn't walking Mom down the aisle. You'll be great. Is it right together, left, or left together, right? Let's try it. See, we go right together, left together, right together, left together. Good. Matty, I'm sorry if I've been preoccupied lately with this wedding. It's OK. I have, right? It's all right. I understand. Yeah, but... Yeah, you have. But I haven't felt ignored. Don't worry. No permanent damage done. Oh, OK. ANNIE: It's really cute and a great neighbourhood. I am really excited. I'm packing my stuff, and this room looks different. Yeah, yeah. It's going to be weird. Just you, me and Mom here now. Yeah. Come on. Goodnight, pal. Sleep tight. Good luck tomorrow, Dad. You too. ANNIE: Yeah? Goodnight, Matty. I love you. Oh. SONG: # Today I met the boy I'm gonna marry # He's all I've wanted all my life and even more # He smiled at me and music started playing # 'Here Comes the Bride' when he walked through the door # Today I met the boy I'm gonna marry # The boy whose life and love I want to share # For on my hand a band of gold appeared before me # The band of gold I always dreamed I'd wear # When we kissed I felt a sweet sensation # This time it wasn't just my imagination # Today I met the boy I'm gonna marry # He's just what I've been waiting for # Oh, yes # With every kiss # 'Oh, this is it,' my heart keeps saying # Today I met the boy I'm going to marry... # WIND HOWLS Did I wake you? No, no. What are you doing? I couldn't sleep. This is my last night in my bed, in my house. My last night as a kid. I've lived here since I was five. I feel like I'm supposed to turn in my key. Packing was so strange. You trained me never to throw anything away, so I have ratty stuffed animals, yearbooks, my old retainer, all my old magic tricks. I've actually packed it all. I just didn't want to let it go. I know I can't stay, but it's like I don't want to leave. Well, that's the thing about life. The surprises. The little things that sneak up on you and grab hold of you. It still happens to me. Thanks. What is this? I don't believe it. Oh, my God! Talk about surprises. It hasn't snowed in LA since I was nine. Mom will die. (Laughs) What? What is that face? No. Nothing. I was just thinking. How this costs you more money? No. How I know I'll remember this moment for the rest of my life. 5 When a city hasn't seen snow in 36 years, it's bound to cause problems. We panicked and brought in extra heaters, but they melted the ice sculptures. The florist had to thaw out our tulips with a hair drier. Franck and Howard shovelled our path themselves at no extra charge. Just keep shovelling! The swans spent the morning in a lukewarm bath. Other than that, we were almost running on schedule. Nina, it's after three! All I can say is thank God snow is white. Franck, that needle and thread... Here, George. Howard, go to the church! On my way. Oh-oh. Wrong colour thread. I thought you had a black tuxedo. I do. I don't think so. This tux is navy blue. Armani doesn't make a blue tuxedo. Armani don't make polyester. (Chuckles) Franck, where are the cars? We should be there. Where are those cars? Where are those cars? NINA: All right. Relax, honey. Everything's going to be fine. They can't start without us. I knew I'd never remember what Nina wore that day, but I'd never forget the way she looked. Nina. Thank you, George. You shouldn't look this beautiful. It's unfair to the bride. Cars is here! Matthew! Front and centre! ALL: Ahhh. ALL: No! Just kidding. What did you put in your hair? Gel. You don't like it? No. It's cool. Very debonair. Thanks. HORN BEEPS You and Annie follow us. Oh! Anne! Annie? I'm ready. Come in. You look beautiful! Thanks. OK. Let's get this show on the road. GEORGE: We're here. Oh... Hi. Your hair... Father of the bride... George! Father of the bride... Left, together, right, together. I've got it, Dad. I love you. I love you too. Mother of the bride. George. Mother of the bride. Mother of the bride, I'm opening the doors. Let's go. (Takes deep breath) VIOLIN PLAYS PACHELBEL'S 'CANON' AND...left, right. Very nice. Smile now. Right and left. Right and...very nice. I'd been dreading this moment for the past six months. Well, actually, for the past 22 years. Hold on, Dad. Annie overwhelmed me. She was absolutely calm and cool, very un-Banks-like. WEDDING MARCH BEGINS OK. ALL: Oooh. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together with family, friends and loved ones to unite in matrimony... Suddenly I went blank. I had one line and I couldn't remember it. When he said, 'Who presents this woman?' was I supposed to say, 'That's me,' or 'I do'? Every eye bored into the back of my neck waiting for me to screw up. Who presents this woman in holy matrimony? (Hoarsely) I do. Annie and Bryan, you are here today... 'Who presents this woman'? This WOMAN. But she's not a woman, she's just a kid. And she's leaving us. ..deep realisation of its obligations and responsibilities. I would never come home again and see Annie at the top of the stairs, see her at the breakfast table in nightgown and socks. I suddenly realised Annie was all grown-up and leaving us, and something inside began to hurt. MINISTER: I, Bryan MacKenzie... I, Bryan MacKenzie... ..take thee, Annie Banks... ..take thee, Annie Banks... ..to be my wedded wife... ..to be my wedded wife... ..to love and to comfort from this day forward. ..to love and to comfort from this day forward. I, Annie Banks... I, Annie Banks... ..take thee, Bryan MacKenzie... ..take thee, Bryan MacKenzie... ..to be my wedded husband... ..to be my wedded husband... ..to love and to comfort from this day forward. ..to love and to comfort from this day forward. The ring, please. With this ring, as a token of my love and affection, I thee wed. With this ring, as a token of my love and affection, I thee wed. With this ring, as a token of my love and affection, I thee wed. With this ring, as a token of my love and affection, I thee wed. By virtue of the authority vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. Well, she did it. Now, as my son said, it was time to party. Congratulations. Wonderful party. The house was busting at the seams - faces everywhere, mostly ones I'd never seen before. Meet the Danish relatives. Hello! Bryan's Danish relatives thanked me profusely for flying them over. Everyone said the party was great and the house looked beautiful. They loved the flowers, hors d'oeuvres, swans. We even got by with two parking attendants. But I still hadn't kissed the bride. Where's Annie? Having pictures taken. Hi, Ben. Hi, George. OK, kids, look at each other. Very nice. (Tries to unlock door) Sorry, use the front door, please. Can I have one of those? Sorry. Just sold my last. This navy button must be yours. Moving into the tent now. Dinner is served. This way, please. Annie! It was unbelievable. I'd never seen a line form so fast, as if they knew what the food cost me. Finally, I made it into the tent. I was ready to relax and finally taste the food when... Dad! The cops outside want to talk to you. Cops? We'll handle this together. We're on our way. Come on, George. Let me handle this. Where's your wallet? Stop it! See, Kevin? I told you. Wow! Is this your house? Me? Yeah, you in the blue tux. Yes, it is. Do you have a permit for parking 200 cars here? We were supposed to have four parking attendants, but two got the flu. You'd better move these cars off the street. Fine. Any suggestions where? I don't care. You've got 30 minutes. Vill do, sir. You not to worry, OK? George, they need me inside. The big moment. Here comes the cake. I'll handle this. Where do we get two extra drivers? ROCK'N'ROLL SONG PLAYS TYRES SCREECH Yes! Whoa! Great wedding, Mr Banks. And I didn't eat anything. That makes two of us. Where is he? I don't know. # SONG: ..When it's cold outside I've got the month of May # I guess you'd say What can make me feel this way? # It's my girl My girl, my girl... # SONG: # I will feel a glow # Just thinking of you # And the way you look tonight # Oh, but you're lovely # With your smile so warm # And your cheeks so soft # There is nothing for me but to love you # Just the way you look tonight # Just the way you look... # ..tonight. # The wedding appeared to be a complete success. All I needed was a dance with the bride. Ladies and gentlemen, Mrs Annie Banks MacKenzie will toss her bouquet, then she's off to Hawaii. This I was not going to miss. I took a short cut around the mob. Great wedding, George. Excuse me. CROWD CHEERS Where's my dad? I don't know. Should I throw it? Yeah! He missed it! 'Bye! Have fun! She was gone. My Annie was gone, and I was too late to say goodbye. When the last guest left and the champagne was drunk, we surveyed the damage. Funny how empty a house can suddenly get. Yeah. I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to say goodbye. Oh, that's all right. I think she's going to be really happy. Oh, yeah. Sure. PHONE RINGS Hello? Dad? Hi! Where are you? At the airport. I couldn't leave without saying goodbye. Thank Mom for everything, OK? And Dad, I love you. I love you very much. I love you too, sweetheart. Thanks for calling. Have a great honeymoon. Thanks. I will. 'Bye. SONG: # Some day when I'm awfully old # When the world is cold... # That was Annie. Oh. # ..I will feel a glow just thinking of you # And the way you look tonight # Oh, but you're lovely # With your smile so warm # And your cheeks so soft # There is nothing for me but to love you # Just the way you look tonight. # www.tvnz.co.nz/access-services Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Captioning NZ 2001