(NIKI J CRAWFORD'S 'LOOKS LIKE CHRISTMAS) # Looks like Christmas, # looks like Christmas, # looks like Christmas to me. # It's Christmastime. # Sunny shine ` # hey there, Santa, # better wear your shades. # Top of trees # blowin' in the breeze ` # late December # and the weather's fine. # And I guess I'll never know; # while searchin' this heaven and snow,... (WOMAN VOCALISES) # ...looks like Christmas, # looks like Christmas, # looks like Christmas to me. MAN ON PHONE: Come on, you have two minutes, or I'm leaving. Look, I know, I know, Jamie. Gimme, like, five seconds, and I will be right down. Anthony, my man! Seriously ` 30 minutes. Yes, I'm late, because unlike the bobblehead models you date, it actually takes me a minute to pull this together. Kristin, you remember Sophia. (CAR DOOR SHUTS) Hello. Ohhh, you brought Sophia to my company Christmas party. She wanted to come. Right. (UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC) Those boots, they're so, um,... interesting. Thank you. They're part of my costume. It's a theme party ` you're supposed to dress up like your Christmas past. You didn't even dress up. Yes, I did ` behold... the t-shirt you gave me for Christmas. Really? I gave that to you? When? Circa what? Circa high school. (SCOFFS) I can't believe you remember that. I don't remember what you gave me last year. I paid off your student loan. What?! Jamie, that's crazy! It wasn't a big deal. Not to you, Richie Rich, but it saved me from another round of egg donations. Captions by Shrutika Gunanayagam. Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2017 Great. Kids, let's get this party started. Wow. Hey. Whoo. Huh? What's the`? Oh, um, no, I was a sexy Santa helper in an after-hours club in college. We went to the same college. How did I miss that? It's my Christmas past; you get it? Yeah. (GASPS) Aah! Let's take a picture with Santa! (POUNDING DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) Seriously? My costume is funny. Why isn't anyone getting that it's funny? (CHUCKLES GENTLY) Because people are sad and humourless. Well, you get it, right? Yeah, I totally get it, mm-hm. (GIGGLES SOFTLY) (INHALES DEEPLY) Oh, yeah, I get it too. I think you make the perfect slutty Santa. (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) It's funny ` doesn't look like anybody else got the memo that this is a costume party. Hey! Sasha! (GENTLE CHATTER, POUNDING DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) Yo, Sasha, what happened to the Christmas Past theme? You didn't get my email? Um, obviously, like, no. (SCOFFS) Oh, sorry. My bad. She did that on purpose. LOUDLY: She wants my job. I officially hate Christmas. Ladies, how about some drinks? This better not be a beer-and-wine party. (UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) (CHEERING) (WHOOPS REPEATEDLY) (CHATTER) (RUPERT POPE'S 'ELECTRICITY' FEATURING GILES PALMER PLAYS) (CHEERING) (CHEERS) Take it off! # It's like I'm star-struck, baby. Ready to go? Already? We've only been here just over an hour. Is that all (?) Come on, I always do this party with Kris. I know, I know ` you always do this with Kris; you always do that with Kris. What do you want me to do? She's my best friend. Did you even tell her yet? About Christmas Eve? No. Uh, not yet, but I will. I'm just` She's` She's in a really vulnerable place right now with the breakup and everything. I'm just` I'm just waiting for the right moment, but` Unbelievable. Hey, hey, Sophia, I will tell her; I promise you. I'm just` I just need a little more time. You have a right to grow up too, Jamie ` no matter what Kristin thinks. # ...yeah, feels so damn good to me. # Feel the electricity ` # yeah, feels so damn good to me. # Feel the electricity ` # yeah, feels so damn good to me. Oh! Boys, what's up? # Feel the electricity ` yeah, feels so damn good to me. (CHATTER) (CHEERS) Yeah! # ...yeah, feels so damn good to me. Feel the... # Ugh. I'm so sorry Sophia took the car. No, you're not. Yes, I am ` Because she took the car, my feet are killing me. You want me to get you a cab? No, I'm good. It's the most exercise I've got all week. I'm so fat. I'd kill for a cheeseburger right now. Oh! Me too. (GROANS) Wouldn't you kill for a cheeseburger right now? Sophia's on this crazy vegetarian diet. (IMITATES RETCHES) I know, I know, I know. I actually snuck out the other night for some ribs. Stop! D` I did. No, you cannot tell her. You cannot tell her. I would be in so much trouble. See, that's what you get for dating the ultra-hip and the ultra-thin. You just got a secondary eating disorder. (THUMP!) Ow! Hey! Suck it, Santa! Ho, ho, ho! Ow! Can we please not harass any classic American icons tonight? Sorry, but you know that Christmas makes me both destructive and self-destructive. You know that. SOFTLY: Ow. Not everybody goes home for the holidays, Kris. Really? Yeah. Do you know anybody who hasn't gone home for Christmas? Like, besides me. You could always call your mother, and... Oh, and say what? What would I say? I would say, 'Um, hi, Mom. I'm so sorry I've never called you back... 'for 17 years.' You know what? I just don't think that would work. You know, and besides, why do I need to? I have you. There's something I need to tell you, actually Kris. Uh` Snacks. (SIGHS) Ah. Wait. (SHIVERS) (RUSTLING) It's like an elf threw up in here. Merry Christmas. Bah humbug. (RUSTLING) Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. What do you think I should go with? Jalapeno? (GASPS) Ooh, nacho cheese. (RUSTLING, SNAPPING) Ha! (ROCK THIS TOWN'S 'JINGLE BELLS' PLAYS) Ooh. What is that? I'm sorry, I meant to give this to you earlier. It's your Christmas present. No, I don't understand. Why aren't we doing that tomorrow on the rooftop? That's the thing. I don't know if... Uh-uh. No. No, no, no. No, no, no, that is our tradition. 17 years, you and I, rooftop, Christmas Eve ` the anti-Christmas. I'm taking Sophia home for Christmas, so... I'm not gonna be here for the rooftop this year. I'm sorry. I d` I didn't know how to tell you. Wait a second, like, home? Like, home home ` Pasadena home home? That home. I don't understand. You don't even like her. Yes, I do. No, you don't. Yes` No, you don't, cos she doesn't drink; she doesn't eat meat. The woman doesn't listen to music. I'm sorry, but who doesn't listen to music? That's weird. It's weird; that's a flag. This isn't about Sophia. Then what is it about? (RUSTLING) Is it about torturing me? Oh, look, Kristin, come on. My parents aren't getting any younger ` who knows how many more Christmases they have left? What does that even mean? I j... (SIGHS) I just think it's time to grow up, to start going home for Christmas like normal people. (EXHALES) (EXHALES) Please don't leave me alone for Christmas. No, I'm sorry, I cannot live in the past any more. I have to go. (POIGNANT PIANO MUSIC) Merry Christmas. (RUSTLING) Can I please have a bottle of champagne? (INTRIGUING MUSIC) (CLATTERING) (GRUNTS) (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) What is that? No charge ` special gift for Christmas. Seriously? It's delicious. (BOTTLE THUDS) Please take it. Ooh, yeah. I will take it. Thank you. (RUSTLING) Merry Christmas. (RUSTLING) (HORN BLARES DISTANTLY) (DULL THUMP) (HORNS TOOT DISTANTLY, BRAKES SQUEAL) (DISTANT YELLING) (LOW, INTRIGUING MUSIC) (MUSIC BECOMES POIGNANT) (HORN TOOTS DISTANTLY) (POIGNANT MUSIC CONTINUES) (CAT MIAOWS) Heyyy. (CAT PURRS) SOFTLY: 'Bean! 'Aw, you miss me, old man?' SIGHS: Yeah, well,... (SOFTLY) 'we're gonna celebrate Christmas alone this year, Bean, because... 'Jamie's decided to go home for Christmas with some bobblehead model.' SIGHS: Yeah. (POIGNANT MUSIC SWELLS) (MUSIC BECOMES PENSIVE) (MUSIC CONTINUES) (SNIFFLES) (PENSIVE MUSIC SOFTENS) (FOAM HISSES) (PLOP!) That is amazing. (MIAOWS) Aw, Bean, (BABYISHLY) I'm sorry, but you can't have any. At least you'd never leave me to drink alone. (PURRS) Yeah? (INTRIGUING MUSIC) (THE DRIFTER'S 'I REMEMBER CHRISTMAS' PLAYS) Aw, Bean. I do this to myself. (SIGHS) I'm alone on Christmas, (SIGHS) and it's been so long, I don't even know how to fix it. # I remember... SOFTLY: That's really good. # ...New Year's # and the voices singin' songs that made me glow. (SIGHS) I just wish... (SIGHS) I could go home. # ...how we long to hold the past, never let it go. (HEAVY BREATHING, WHISPERING) (SONG ECHOES, PLAYS DISTANTLY) (TINKLING) (TINKLING INTENSIFIES) (WHISPERING) (EXHALES) (INHALES DEEPLY) (SCREAMING) What the...? (GASPS) Uh... Who are you? And why are you in my bed? Oh my God. Where did you come from? Ohhh! Oh my God, baby Bean! Bean! How do you know my cat's name? (BREATHES HEAVILY) (MIAOWS) Don't touch my cat. SOFTLY: Baby Bean! Oh my God, you are like one of those addicted people who crawls in the wrong window. What? I'm so... I'm not; trust me. Promise you ` I'm not one of those people. Hey, stay away from me. Do not touch me, or I will dial 911. Oh, no, no. (STAMMERS) Don't do` Please don't do that. Um... Give me one reason I shouldn't. Oh, because... I'm not a stranger; I'm you. What?! Yeah. Um... Oh! OK. I said 'a good reason', you crazy lady. What is this? Is this, like, 1997? It's '96. How do you not know what year it is? And, seriously, how could you be me? You are, like, old and wearing a Santa stripper outfit. I am 34 ` that is not old, and, look, I don't know why I'm here other than this is, like, the world's worst hangover and this is some kind of crazy fever dream, but I am telling you that I am you... from the future. Prove it. Prove it? OK, I'll prove it. Um,... this scar. You got it when you were 10 years old. Dad got me that giant sled, and I ran it right into a parked car. I kept asking if I was gonna die. You have been best friends with Jamie since you were in first grade. Um, (EXHALES) hold on, um... Oh. No, no, there's nothing in there. Uh, n` n` Yes. Wait. Oh, no, that's private. How did you know that was there? Seriously, nobody cares that you have a crush on Bill Clinton. I mean, just don't get an internship in DC, and you'll be fine. This does not make any sense in any way, like, at all. One second, uh... Oh! You love Jerry Maguire. You were totally obsessed with the OJ trial. Everyone was obsessed with that trial, not just me. Yes, think, think, think... How 'bout in fifth grade? You lied to your teacher, and you told her that your mother was deaf to keep her from calling her when you hit Brian Cisneros in the face with an umbrella. Right? (LIGHT, INTRIGUING MUSIC) SOFTLY: 'Right. 'OK. 'Oh my God.' So... you're me ` grown-up Krys. Kristin ` you're gonna drop that 'Kris with a Y' stuff 10 minutes into college. No, I won't ` I love using the Y. I know you do; I remember it fondly. (EXHALES) So, why do you think you're here? I dunno. (KNOCK AT DOOR) WOMAN: Breakfast will be ready in five minutes. I'll be right down! Shh! Shut up! You hear me, Kristin Marie? That means I want you dressed and downstairs in five minutes. I said OK. HUSHED: You think I should hide? I should hide, right? HUSHED: 'No. No way. 'Babs is a hawk. She will, like, smell you or something.' Uh, OK, I have to come up with some kind of story for my mom. Yes. Mm-hm. Ohhh my God, I mean our mom. Mom. Yeah. OK, first, we need to get you outta those clothes and that makeup, or she will think you're a prostitute. Easy. Oh, I am so sorry, sweetheart, but the frozen yoghurt machine in college puts an end to the size-2 pants. OK, well, what size are you exactly? (SIGHS) That's a really hard question to answer truthfully. I'm an 8. That's the exact same size as my mom ` perfect. Just wait here. (IMITATES SQUELCHING) OK, wow. Please, just pick something quick. I need to get downstairs. No, no, wait for me. No, you can't just walk downstairs with me. They will see you. OK, well, what am I supposed to do? I mean, I can't just jump out the window. You have to jump out the window. (THUDDING) Ow! You OK? Yeah. Aah! Ow! (GRUNTS) Shoes ` I need shoes. SOFTLY: Ow! Ow! Aah. (SHOES CLATTER) (GASPS, SIGHS) HUSHED: OK, just go to the front door and ring the bell, and I'll figure the rest out. SOFTLY: OK. Ooh. (GRUNTS) Ow. I so should've spent more time in Pilates. GRUNTS: Ow. Ow. (EXHALES) (GENTLE, PENSIVE MUSIC) (BIRDS CHIRP) Long time no see, 9213 Evergreen. Good morning. I said five minutes; it's been 10. Debbie's not up yet. That's not the point. It's a family holiday; we have a lot to do. Kristin, don't roll your eyes at me. It's Krys, Mom, with a Y. (DOOR BELL RINGS) Oh. It's too early for Jamie to be here. Well, let's see who it is, shall we? Hullo. Hi. Mrs Cartwell, hi. Mom, this is Kay. She... is an NYU alum. She's visiting a couple incoming students, so she's sorta like my mentor. And, uh, (MUTTERS) Kay, this is my mother, Barbara. Oh. You're...? You're recruiting on Christmas Eve? HUSHED: Mom, come on. I was supposed to go home tonight, but there is a... blizzard... on the East Coast. Yeah, the airline said there might not be any flights for days, so she was gonna visit a student in Sherman Oaks, but his family went to Big Bear, so I wasn't gonna leave her alone on Christmas in her hotel room, right? So you invited her here. HUSHED: It would've been nice to ask, Kristin. KRISTIN AND KRYS: Sorry, Mom. I totally forgot ` been so stressed, what with, uh, being grounded my whole break. We don't need to go into that right now. Well, we can't leave you stranded on Christmas, can we? Come in. (LOW, INTRIGUING MUSIC) I don't think Kay would mind if we talked about it. Would you, Kay? Talked about what? About why I was grounded for coming home 30 minutes before my curfew. You were grounded because you lied. You said you were out with Trudy, and you were out with that boyfriend. His name is Maverick. Maverick? Maverick Odell? You're so funny, Kay. You know that Maverick is my (HUSHED) boyfriend who Mom hates. I don't hate him; I just don't think you should base your choice of college on him. I'm sorry, Kay. We shouldn't be talking about this in front of you. Oh, no, it's fine ` really. I hope you don't mind me saying, but NYU is a great school, and even if she goes there for a guy ` which I'm not saying she should ` it might all work out. ('HARK! THE HERALD ANGELS SING' PLAYS SOFTLY) SOFTLY: Or not. We were just about to have breakfast. Have you eaten? I'm comin'! I'm comin'! CHUCKLES: Aunt Debbie. SOFTLY: Sorry. Debbie, it's 10.30 ` you're not even dressed. (SQUEALS SOFTLY) How you doin', baby? Who let you out of your cell? And who's this? Oh, sorry. Kay, this is my sister, Debbie. Hey, Kay. (BREATHES HEAVILY) Debbie! Merry frickin' Christmas! (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) (CHUCKLES GLEEFULLY) Hi! K. (CHUCKLES GENTLY) You all right there, Kay? I'm starting to lose circulation in my face! (CHUCKLES GENTLY) Oh. Oh no, I am... I'm so sorry. Did we know each other in college or something? Cos that was a very experimental time, and (HUSHED) 'I don't remember a lot. No, no, no. Uh, you just look like somebody that I used to know. It's nice to meet you,... Debbie. Mm. 'You too.' OK. Shall we have breakfast? Do we have a choice, Herr Barbara? Kay. (MOUTHS) SOFTLY: We don't have a choice. (LAUGHTER) CHOIR: # Pleased as # man with man # to dwell ` # Jesus, our Emmanuel. Kay, you coming? Yeah, sorry. Totally. (CLATTERING) That's a lovely outfit. I have one just like it. (SIGHS) Merry Christmas, Aunt Debbie. Mm. Merry Christmas, knucklehead. (CHUCKLES GENTLY) (KISSING) Yes, right? (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) Kristin, please get your father. Shh. KRISTIN: Oh. (INDISTINCT SPEECH, CLATTERING, SCRAPING) CALLS: Dad! Breakfast! Krys and I are doing a little last-minute shopping later, Debbie. Would you like to join us? No. I am going to stay in my pyjamas and read (HUSHED) 'magazines all... day.... 'long.' I'll go. Really? Oh, that would be nice, Kay. Dad, this is Kay, my advisor. Oh, it's so nice to meet you. Oh, likewise. DEBBIE: Mornin'. So, uh, can Maverick come with us? (KISSES) Shopping? Are you kidding? How is Milton? Dad, you know his name is Maverick. Is it (?) Why can't he come? Oh, don't be ridiculous. If he isn't coming shopping, I want him to come to midnight mass. Absolutely not. (GASPS) (BREATHES SHARPLY) 1996 ` this is that Christmas Eve. This... This... Oh wow. Oh. You guys know that I have Tourette's. It's so awkward for me, blurting stuff. (CHUCKLES DRILY) Krys, can I please see you for a second? Thank you. She's an advisor? You are being really weird. 1996 ` I... I know why I'm here. This was my last Christmas at home. What?! What do you mean? Why would you... we not come home for Christmas? I mean, thi` things get complicated. Let's just say that this is a very important Christmas ` a turning point; things happen tonight... that change everything, so now, by being here with you, (EXHALES) this is my chance. SCOFFS: Your chance? Your chance to do what? To change my Christmas past. WIZARDZ OF OZ: # Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Fa, la-la... So, do you have any money? Yeah, (SIGHS) I mean, not much. You know, Manhattan is a very expensive place to live, and I'm trying to pay off my credit card debt. I meant today - for shopping. Oh, right. I guess not. Are we poor in the future? Can you define poor, exactly? (SIGHS) Why didn't you stand up for me with Babs at breakfast? Well, because Maverick really is a loser. No, he's not; he's amazing. No, he's a lying idiot. OK, I don't wanna hear it. He will leave you; he will lie to you, dump you and break your heart. La, la-la, la-la, la-la, la-la. You done? (SIGHS) HUSHED: I guess I really didn't wanna hear it back then either. (SIGHS) I bet New York is the best ` cool clubs, amazing parties. Yeah. New York, it really is a great city. You know, you can order takeout at 3 o'clock in the morning, and there's all of these amazing shows and museums and art galleries. It really is the (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) greatest city on Earth. Oh, you know what? I can show you. Is that a phone? Yeah. It's also a music player and... kind of a computer too, I guess. Is that Jamie? Mm-hm. Wow. What are you saying 'wow' for? Why wouldn't we still be hanging out? No, it's just he's kinda cute... in the future. You think so? Hey, my life is awesome, right? When I'm you? (GENTLE, PENSIVE MUSIC) Sure ` awesome, absolutely. You two ready? (PHONE CLATTERS) What are you wearing? Is that underwear? It's a dress. Change it. (GENTLE, POIGNANT MUSIC) As long as I don't ever have to talk to that woman again, I will be stoked. (EXPECTANT CHRISTMAS MUSIC) (DOC MARTIN'S 'WE WISH YOU A MERRY SKARISTMAS') (SOFT SCRAPING, RATTLING) So, Kay, what is it that you do for a living, besides handhold future NYU grads? I'm assuming they don't pay you for that. No, I'm a music producer for a small record label in Brooklyn. Really? And what does a music producer do? Do you actually play an instrument? No, I work with the artists, you know, to develop their album, make sure they're taken care of ` that sorta thing. Oh. So you're an assistant. No, um, (CHUCKLES DRILY) I'm a producer. Do you need a degree for that? Well, I don't think you need one, but... Cos it seems to me that Kristin could get a law degree. and then she could be a music producer on the side, as a hobby. (DOC MARTIN'S 'WE WISH YOU A MERRY SKARISTMAS' PLAYS SOFTLY) Where are you going? To try this on. Where she got her love of vintage is beyond me. It's cool. It's disgusting ` it's used clothing by the recently living. (CHUCKLES DRILY) It's bleurgh. Tell me how you really feel, Barbara (!) SOFTLY: 'That wasn't very polite. 'It's the holidays, and I'm trying to quit smoking.' Wait, you smoke? You don't have to be so judgemental about it. No, no, no, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I'm sorry. Is that why you don't like vintage clothes? You think it's, like, dead-people clothing? Well, it is. When I was... a teenager, my mother died, and she left these... these racks of... gowns and... and furs. My father couldn't bear to be around it, and my sister, Debbie, was useless,... of course, so I had to deal with it. He made me sell everything at a second-hand store, including the pearls that I gave her for Mother's Day. The pearls? Yeah. They weren't expensive; they probably weren't even real. I-I just... ...didn't wanna let them go. (GENTLE, POIGNANT MUSIC) Yeah. (SOFTLY) I'm gonna go outside and smoke. Secret is safe with me. Mm. (DOOR BELL TINKLES) (GASPS) You find something? What is that? Shut the front door. You can't be serious. What? I need somethin' to wear to midnight mass tonight, don't I? It's so '50s. I know; it's amazing, and it's fabulous ` I gotta try it on. (SIGHS) (GENTLE, POIGNANT NOTE) Kristin. It's Krys. We have been through this ` you are not going to run off with Maverick after Christmas Eve dinner. Why not? It's not like anyone will miss me. It's Christmas Eve, and you're grounded, and` and... you have a guest. It would be rude to run off and leave Kay with perfect strangers. Right, Kay? I think Christmas Eve dinner together sounds really lovely. You can always see Maverick in a couple of days. (SCOFFS) A couple days? Are you serious? A couple of days won't kill you. I think Kay is right. You know what? Maverick thinks you're trying to keep us apart, that you're jealous of our connection. I'm not jealous; I am just... concerned, as I would be about anyone who takes money from his teenage girlfriend. Besides, we need to get to church early; you have bell choir practice. Oh, bell choir ` who cares about bell choir? I do. And you made a commitment. You know what? I will just be gone for, like, an hour. You won't even notice. The answer is no. You can see him after the holidays. HUSHED: Ooh, that man slut has gotta go. What was that, dear? (DOOR SHUTS) I said I wish it would snow. I'm gonna get the bags from the car. HUSHED: I really gotta stop talking. (CAR DOOR OPENS) (SHUTTER CLICKS) What are you doing? Jamie?! Oh my` Look at you. Look at you! Sorry, do I know you? Oh, not yet. I'm Kay, Krys' college advisor from NYU. CHUCKLES GENTLY: What? Nothing. You just look... a lot more adorable than I thought. (SOFTLY) College counsellor? That's funny, because I'm applying to NYU, and no one really came out to see me. Yeah, well, that's because unlike Krys, you actually have good grades. Right. No, that's a good point. You know, you just... You look really familiar. You know, people say that to me all the time. I think I just have one of those faces. What is that?! This is a camera thingy that I` (CHUCKLES DRILY) I got it in New York. It hasn't hit stores yet. Yeah, you just... I really feel like I know you. You look really, really familiar. Hey, did you come talk at the computer science club? I did. Yup, I did. That was totally it. Come on. Let's go inside. CALLS: Debbie. Coming! (CHUCKLES GENTLY) Come on. We're in the living room. Hi, Jamie. (TCHAIKOVSKY'S 'MINIATURE OVERTURE' FROM 'THE NUTCRACKER' PLAYS) HUSHED: Oh my God, you must be freaking out you finally met Jamie. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Why would I be freaking out that I met Jamie, Krys? Right, why would you? You're just my college advisor. Come on, everybody. (PLAYS CHEERFUL MUSIC) # On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me... # (HUSHED) 'eggnog. (GROWLS PLAYFULLY, INHALES DEEPLY) 'Is it spiked?' HUSHED: No. So, Jamie, are your parents here? Nah, they're atheists who think that Christmas is some sort of commercial construct cooked up by the greeting-card companies to increase their bottom line. Right. Yeah. Right, which is why it makes even less sense that you would wanna go home for Christmas. (BREATHES HEAVILY) Wait, what? (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) Maverick! Who let him in? Babe, where you been? We went shopping. Guilty as charged. What are you doing here? Were you in my room? Yeah, I was just chillin' out in a chat room, waiting for you to give me the 411. (MOUTHS) HUSHED: Make sure we check the silver. Mm-hm. Maverick,... Mm. this is Kay. She's dying to meet you. 'Sup? You, like, an aunt or grandmother or something? Oh, no, she's my mentor from NYU. Oh. Cool. I'm 34, dude. Cool. If you say so. Wow, Maverick, I just met you, and it feels like I've known you forever. Hope that's a good thing. Probably not. Oh, I'm so happy you're here. Can you stay for dinner? Uh, yeah. Yeah, I could do that. Unfortunately, we only have seating for six. Mom. Come on, we can pull up a chair. Krys, listen to your mother. Honey, why don't you guys just hang out in your room until dinner? Debbie. She's grounded. It's Christmas Eve. Where's your holiday spirit? Besides, how much trouble can they get into under your roof? All right, uh, one hour, then say goodbye. And leave... BOTH: ...the door open. HUSHED: In future, stay out of it, Debbie. Dude, I am helping you, because if you don't chill out, she's gonna leave for college and not come home ` (SOFTLY) just saying'. Who wants to help with dinner? All right, JB, let's rock some china and some flatware. (STRUMS OFF-KEY CHORDS) # Partridge in a... # No. (STRUMS) # Partridge # in a pear tree. # (LIGHT CHRISTMAS MUSIC) So, what do you think of Mad Dog Maverick in there? Wait, how did you know that's what I call him? That was a lucky guess. Well, I've been telling Krys for months what a loser he is, but she won't listen to me. Well, of course not ` she's a teenage girl. You can never tell them what they shouldn't have; it only makes the forbidden that much more attractive. He lies to her face, and she believes him. I tell her that he's dating other girls. She doesn't believe me ` me, her best friend. You know for a fact that he's dating other girls? Everybody knows. You have any names or specifics, proof? I heard that he was dating someone else, but we don't exactly run in the same crowd. Right, right. Well, we have gotta do something about this. We do? Wait. He was upstairs in a chat room in Krys' room when they were up there. So... So you could just, like, figure out his password or something. Like on his AOL account. Sure. Yes, something like that. I mean, you are a hacker, right? Well, kind of. I` How did you know that? I mean, you're in the computer science club ` why else would you be doing that? OK, if he was just online... Uh-huh. ...and he hadn't logged off of her computer, I guess I could probably go back and figure out his password` Great. ...and maybe see if he was chatting with another girl, eh? Perfect. OK. Well, then all we have to do is figure out a way to get you upstairs alone in her room. But what if I can't figure it out? Jamie, of course you can figure this out. This is a piece of cake for you. But it's` No, trust me. You are a capable guy. You're, like, one of the smartest people in the entire world. How would you know? I mean, you only just met me. I just know, you know? (SIGHS) The point is ` I really believe in you, OK? Why are you doing this? Because Krys deserves better than that pretentious douchebag. Ew. What? Do people not say 'douchebag'? Ho! (GASPS) (EXHALES SHARPLY) Door open, you two. What are you doing? I need your help. It is a Christmas emergency. Now? With what? Luminaria in the front yard ` let's surprise Babs and do it ourselves. Why? I do not understand. GRITS TEETH: It is very important for your future happiness. Come on, Mav. It's so nice in here; I don't wanna go outside. (SMACK!) Aah! Aah! Aah! What was that for? So sorry ` I just, like, lost control. CHUCKLES GENTLY: Felt really, really good. Uh-huh. OK, front yard, please. Thank you. Yeah. HUSHED: You're being really weird. HUSHED: 'Yes, of course I'm being weird. 'It's, like, an objectively weird situation.' (SIGHS) (FOOTSTEPS RECEDE) (AMUSING MUSIC) OK, you do your thing. I will keep them busy downstairs. Good? SIGHS: OK. (TYPES) Here we go. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) (SOFT WHIRRING) Really? Does he? (TYPES) (ELECTRONIC BUZZ) (AMUSING MUSIC RESUMES) All right, as soon as Krys gets here in the candles` Wow, Maverick, personal-space issue here. When you hit me upstairs, it really got me thinking. There is something very, very attractive about you. You have gotta be kidding me. (SIGHS) I thought you said that I was old. That can be hot. Really? What about Krys? I` What about me? You are amazing. That's what's about you. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) All right, guys, let's start putting those candles in the... bag... Right, or that. (AMUSING MUSIC RESUMES) (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) All right, Mad Dog, let's see what you've been up to. (ELECTRONIC BUZZ) Hello, Haddie. I know, it's a weird tradition, but it makes Barbara happy, and it's really not that hard to do. So I say when asked to luminaria, say yes to luminaria. (BAG THUDS) OK. (EXHALES) Krys? Krys! (AMUSING MUSIC) Whoa, where's the fire? I'm just looking for Krys. She's upstairs with Miguel. (SIGHS) Maverick ` Dad, his name is Maverick. Totally. Yeah, New York is amazing. You're gonna love it. And I can stay with you while I look for a place? Um,... sure. You know, I might be rooming with these guys from Hunter College, so... we'll see, huh? (CHUCKLES GENTLY) HUSHED: 'Yeah. We'll see, all right. 'Please tell me you found something.' I did. OK, so I went through the history, and I ran this keystroke program to recreate her password` OK, so we've got, like, five seconds while she's in the bathroom sucking face with Maverick, so let's just do this. Do what? Let's send a message to the girl, telling her to meet Maverick here for Christmas dinner. Why? Oh, so Krys'll have to face the truth. Oh, yeah, nice. No, that's smart. Yeah. But I'll have to sign back on. OK, so, uh, sign back on. (CLICKS MOUSE) (MODEM DIALS) SIGHS SOFTLY: Oh, you've got to be kidding me. What? It'll just take a few minutes. - (SIGHS) - (KNOCK AT DOOR) Hey, you in there? Hey. What's up? Wanted to get in my room. Why? Cos it's my room, and Maverick needs to check his email. Yeah. Right. Yeah. No, that can't happen right now. Sorry. Why not? Uh, because... that can't happen right now. Baby. Yeah? Would you mind waiting downstairs for me? I need to talk to... Kay. Why? Uh, it'll be quick ` just girl talk. OK. (BREATHES DEEPLY) Hi. Make it quick. (SIGHS) (GIGGLES GENTLY) OK, what's up? Nothing. I am just, you know, trying to change your past. So that I can be with Maverick in New York? Yes. Sure. That is exactly what I am trying to do. Does that mean he stays for dinner tonight? No, no, no, no. No, no, no, that would have dire consequences. No can do. You need to send him home right now, like, this minute. Really? BARBARA: Krys, is someone using the phone? (EXCITING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) Whoa, ladies. (GASPS, CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Barbara, hey. Did you need to make a call? I did. Maverick must not have logged off upstairs. Oh, no, I'm sure that's not it. Let me check. (PHONE BEEPS) Yeah. Sounds good. (PHONE BEEPS) Uh,so, Barbara, who did you need to call? I don't need it now. I needed to call Krys on her mobile phone. Oh! Perfect! Problem solved. Why? I needed to tell you that it's time for Maverick to go home. Why? I don't` FIRMLY: It's time for Maverick to go home. SLOWLY: 'OK.' Can I walk him out? Of course. Merry Christmas, Maverick. Yeah, I'm Jewish. Happy holidays, then. Yeah. See ya round. (FOOTSTEPS RECEDE) Kay,... are you all right? Couldn't be better, yeah. I was just gonna (DIALS) make some calls to a friend to wish them a merry Christmas. Hey, it's me. It's Kristin` Kay. I'm Kay, and I'm saying merry Christmas. Yeah. How's everything going? Job, work, health, happiness? Good. (TENSE MUSIC) Whew! - (STOMPS) - (THUDDING) (CONTINUES STOMPING) BREATHLESSLY: OK. Oh. Let's do this. (PHONES THUD) Yeah, great. I just got on. (SIGHS) (TYPES) (EXHALES HEAVILY) What? Send it. It's just... Krys is my best friend. It feels... This feel weird, doin' this to her. OK, no, trust me ` it's for the best, OK? We need to save her from Maverick. (SIGHS) (LOW, SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) SOFTLY: Merry fricking Christmas. (DING! WHOOSHING) (SIGHS) (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Cannot believe I thought Beck was a white Prince. CALLS: Are you good in there? KRYS: The rents really don't care if I get dressed for dinner. Yes, they do. (CLINKING) (GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY) What about this? Huh? For dinner and midnight Mass ` are you kidding me? No. Here, give it to me. (SIGHS) You're sure this is going to help. Yes. Totally. Babs cares about this sorta thing. (GASPS SOFTLY) What about this?! Seriously? Yes, totally! (SCOFFS) SOFTLY: Oh, it's perfect. What? Can I give you a little bit more advice? Well, you're going to whether I want you to or not. A little bit less of this. No, trust me. I like the raccoon eyes. I know you do, (CHUCKLES DRILY) but less. Anything else? I don't suppose you'd let me pluck your eyebrows. What's wrong with them? Hmm, oh. (SIGHS) SOFTLY: There you go. You know, there are a few style issues I'd like to address, while we're at it. OK. First of all, you're 34, so maybe lay off the miniskirts. I have nice legs, and it's not like I work in investment banking. Yeah, but it looks desperate. Point taken. Ow. (SIGHS) You know what? I gotta say I love the bangs. Yeah, I've had them ever since` You saw Beetlejuice and became totally obsessed with Winona Ryder. Yes, I know ` I was there. (CHUCKLES GENTLY) (SOFT CLATTERING) (INHALES, EXHALES DEEPLY) Krys, promise me that no matter what happens, you're gonna listen to me tonight. Listen to you? Mm-hm. About what? (EXHALES SHAKILY) About everything. Just think of me as your spirit guide to everything in your fun and fabulous future. (INHALES, EXHALES DEEPLY) I know this is kind of weird, but... I'm really, really happy that you're here. (GENTLE MUSIC) Merry Christmas, kid. Merry Christmas. (CHUCKLING) Mm. (EXPECTANT CHRISTMAS MUSIC) ('THE FIRST NOEL' INSTRUMENTAL PLAYS) (CHUCKLING) DEBBIE: Oh, here she comes. Mm. Wow. What happened to Holly Hobbie over here? What? I think she looks very sweet. (SOFT CHUCKLING) She does; It's just a little... conservative. Yeah, well, I think she looks great. You look beautiful. How did you get her to wear it? (CHUCKLING) It wasn't easy. (CHUCKLES GENTLY) Well, thank you. Oh. Could we do the family picture real quick before we...? Yeah. Oh. (CHAIRS SCRAPE) Yes. Jamie, please. No, no, no, no, Kay, you get your fabulous little butt over here. (CHAIR SCRAPES) Oh, no, but, you know, I'm not family. Today you are family. ('THE FIRST NOEL' INSTRUMENTAL CONTINUES PLAYING) SOFTLY: Sit here. All right, on the count of three. Ready? One, two,... three! (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS, WHIRRING) There we go. K. All righty. Christmas 1996. Put it on the tree with the rest of 'em. So, Kay, (CHUCKLES GENTLY) you know all about our family. Tell us about yours. Oh, uh, well,... I don't, uh, really see them all that often. Where do they live? Who? Your family. California. You` You came all the way out here, and you're not going home for Christmas? Um, well, they don't really know that I'm out here, exactly. (EXHALES) How strange. SOFTLY: Yeah. Why is that, if you don't mind my asking? HUSHED: Mom! I'm sure she does mind, Barb. I'm sorry; I just don't understand why you don't wanna spend Christmas with your family. C'mon, there are plenty of years that I didn't come home ` when Dad and I weren't talking and you and I hated each other. Really? Yes, but that was different. You had a lotta problems that you had to work through, and besides, I don't think that Kay's anywhere near as crazy as you. (SCOFFS) Thanks, Barbara (!) That was... awesome (!) So, no husbands? Uh, do people not get married in Manhattan? Nope. Mm-mm, still single and ready to mingle. SOFTLY: Yeah. Mom, seriously, not everyone has to be married to be happy. (CHUCKLES) I didn't say that. Did I say that? I` I didn't mean that. Maybe Kay just hasn't found the right person yet. Well, I, for one, am very happy to have another single sister at the table. Cheers to us. Cheers. Cheers. (CHORAL VERSION OF 'SILENT NIGHT' PLAYS, BEAN MIAOWS) Mm. Mm, mm. Oh. Bean. Bean, Bean, Bean, Bean. (BEAN MIAOWS) SOFTLY: Bean, sweetie, not at the table, OK? Not at the table. (SHUSHES) Is that the darnedest thing? I have never seen that cat lick anyone other than Kristin. Uh, well,... animals always seem to like me. I don't know what Baby Bean's gonna do when you go off to New York. Come with me? No. If you go to New York, you're going alone. Oh, I'm sorry. I was... I thought it was already settled that Krys was gonna go to NYU. It was. I don't understand why you wanna go all the way across the country to a city where you don't know a single soul. Maverick will be there. That's ridiculous. You don't` You don't build your life a-around a person like M-Maverick. I'm going to NYU. Not if we don't pay for it. What, you're not (HUSHED) serious, are you? HUSHED: Stay out of it, Debbie, for once. Daddy. Your mother and I discussed this. If you go to USC, you'll stay here, we'll pay the tuition, but if you go to NYU, you're on your own. I-I don't understand. Why would you pay for one school and not the other? Krys, calm down. I'm sorry, Kay. I'm sure you understand. Out-of-state tuition` Oh, what does that have to do with anything? For a degree that means nothing. Oh, 'nothing' ` like your MRS degree meant something. Ladies, easy. We're not paying for NYU, and that's final. (DOOR BELL RINGS) I'll get it. Hello. Hi. Is Maverick here? Maverick? Excuse me for one second. He said he was gonna be here. Really? Oh, hey. We go to school together, don't we? We had gym together last year. Krissy, is it? (CLINKING) It's Krys with a Y. Ah. Maverick told you to meet him here? Yeah. Why? Because he's my boyfriend and he wanted to spend Christmas Eve together. Well, Maverick's not here, so it's probably better if you leave. Uh, OK. Sorry. Merry Christmas. (DOOR HINGES SQUEAK) (DOOR SHUTS) Well, that was illuminating. Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. Men are such jerkwads. (EXHALES SHAKILY) This is your fault. You and your gossipy friends at church ` you're prolly talking 'bout how much you hate Maverick. Wait. Krys, I had nothing to do with this. And you probably called Haddie and then told her to come here just so I would see. Kristin, I promise you I wouldn't do that ` although I cannot say that I'm surprised. Oh, of course you aren't, because you will do anything to make my life miserable. I did it. It was not Barbara. It was me. I did it. You did? Yes, I did. Um, I... I went upstairs into your room, and I got on to one of those chat thingies, and I had Haddie come here. Uh` That is not exactly what happened. That is exactly what happened, and I am so sorry, but I just thought that if you could see who Maverick really was, that you would understand that he is not the guy for you. He is not. Well, that I understand. Apology accepted. Apology not accepted ` not by me. No, Krys... Krys, I... Um... Krys, wait. I'm old, remember? You lied to me. You told me you were trying to keep Maverick and me together. I am sorry, Krys, but Maverick is a loser. He is not worth throwing your life away for. Why are you doing this? I thought you were trying to make things better, not worse. I am! I mean, don't you see that? I don't want you to make the same mistakes I made. What mistakes? You live in New York; you have a cool job; you got away from Babs. Look, I know my life seems cool to you, a 17-year-old, but I am 34 years old, and it's not that cool to me, OK? (CHUCKLES DRILY) Whatever. No, look. Look, I didn't wanna tell you this, but... my life has not turned out that great. I live in a small (CHUCKLES DRILY) studio apartment; I have thousands of dollars of credit-card debt. I just got dumped by yet another investment banker, because he wanted someone a little more athletic. The music industry is dying. The what? OK, so that last part's a little hard to explain, but the point is ` this is your chance,... you know, to do it differently, to have a whole different life. You could not have student loans, not have Maverick break your heart. Stop, OK? No, but` Would you stop? I don't wanna hear this any more. No, but, Krys, you have to listen to this, because if you don't, you are gonna wake up 17 years from now alone on Christmas, wondering what happened to your life, you know, and just wishing... wishing that you could go back and do it all over again. Why should I even listen to you? Excuse me? You screwed everything up. What do you know about what will make me happy? Are you really gonna see him... after you just found out that he's a cheater? (POIGNANT MUSIC) You've had a lotta years to make mistakes; it's my turn now. (PENSIVE MUSIC) Can I ask you something? Sure. NYU is a great school. So I hear. Then why not pay for Krys to go there, if that's what she really want? Now, wait, you went to NYU. Now, did you pay for it? Or did your parents pick up the tab? I` I made it work... by myself. Well, if Kristin really wants to go to NYU, then she'll make it work, just like you did. Yeah, but with student loans and crappy apartments... and three jobs... Well, she'll be that much more proud when she finishes, knowing that she did it all herself. (SIGHS) But what if she's really struggling, and she tries her hardest, and she does everything she can, and she's still just... can't figure it out? What if she just really needs a little bit of help? All she has to do is ask. Really? Really. No matter what happens,... Kristin will always be my little girl, and I'll always help her. Are you sure that she knows that? Of course. Why wouldn't she? (GENTLE, POIGNANT MUSIC) Maybe she doesn't know, because you never really told her. You called... me Dad earlier. I did? When you were running up the stairs. I guess all dads sound the same. (FOOTSTEPS RECEDE) (INSECTS CHIRP) (BACH'S 'JESU, JOY OF MAN'S DESIRING' PLAYS) I'm sorry. I couldn't,... um... She left. I'm sorry. Probably went to find Maverick. Yeah. (CHUCKLES DRILY) Where's Jamie? He went to handbell choir. (CHUCKLES GENTLY) Wait. Really? I just I don't understand why he goes. His parents don't go to church, uh... Jamie does bell choir to be with Kristin. You'd think after all these years she would catch on that he's so crazy about her. Mm. Seriously? Seriously. Have you seen the robes they have to wear? Yeah. If that doesn't say true love, I don't know what does. (BOTH CHUCKLE GENTLY) Wow. I had no idea. Mm-hm. He told me last night that he got into Stanford and Columbia. (GASPS) He did? He's just waiting to find out where Kristin's gonna go. Why doesn't he tell her? Why would he? She's still in her bad-boy phase. It would be a waste of breath. (SIGHS) What a mess this turned into. Does that mean we have to wait on presents? Well,... yeah. Mm. Most of them are for her. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) When I was little, (HUSHED) I used to think Christmas was so super magical ` Mm. decorating the tree,... making the cranberry bread,... (CHUCKLES) ...(CHUCKLES GENTLY) you getting out the luminarias. It just all seemed like proof that the world was a... bright and awesome, sparkly place... (CHUCKLES GENTLY) ...and that good things would happen and that there would always be tasty snacks and... beautiful music... and grown-ups drinking champagne... and that I'd grow old and wear purple and have an awesome cane. Are you OK, Debbie? I feel fine. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) But apparently, the rapidly multiplying... malignant cells in my breasts do not. (CLICKS TONGUE) I'm gonna need another glass of wine if I'm gonna sit through bell choir. You? Yes. (FOOTSTEPS RECEDE) (SNIFFLES SOFTLY) She'll fight it. She'll be just fine. Is that why you don't want Krys to go away? Because Debbie's sick? (GENTLE, POIGNANT MUSIC) (EXHALES) (EXHALES) What is this? Well, I wanted to get you a present, you know, as a thank-you for having me. Oh. You know, I have a receipt. If you don't like them, we can always return them. You didn't need to do anything. Uh... Do you like them? Oh, I love them. (BEADS RATTLE SOFTLY) Um, could you put them on for me? Sure. (GENTLE, POIGNANT MUSIC CONTINUES) (SIGHS) We should stay in touch. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) I just have this feeling we'd get along famously. You think so? Absolutely. Fortification. (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) (PLOP!) Ooh! Ooh. (CHUCKLING, SNIGGERING) Thank you. (CHUCKLES) As a visitor to this family, I'd like to propose a toast. There's no one like family to drive you crazy ` Mm. out of your mind, in fact. (CHUCKLES) (CHUCKLES GENTLY) But spending time with people that know you better than you know yourself, that is priceless. I mean, haven't had the opportunity to spend this kind of time with family in a while, and I can't even tell you how grateful I am to be here with you tonight. (SIGHS) To family. DEBBIE AND BARBARA: To family. (GLASSES CLINK) (BELL TOLLS) So, Glen's gonna take Debbie to church? I like to get there early, get better seats. Krys. You guys were right. Maverick is a jerk. None of that matters now. It just matters that you're here, sweetheart. SOFTLY: Mission accomplished. What? No 'I told you so'? Not tonight. Oh, I have bell choir; I missed practice. We'll talk about it later, all right. Let's get going. (SIGHS) I look ridiculous. This is my last year doing this. No, no, you look great, yeah (!) (BIFF!) Why are you even here? I mean, I'm only here because Babs forces me to. (ZIPPING) Do you even believe in this stuff? Well, to be honest, I don't really know what I do believe in, but... I do believe in a beautiful church on Christmas, and I believe in you. You're the best friend ever. (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) HUSHED: 'Do you know what song we're playing? HUSHED: Silent Night. 'No, no, it's Angels We Have`' '...Heard on High ` yeah, I got it.' (MOUTHS) (CHOIR PLAYS GENTLE INTRO) (CHOIR PLAYS 'ANGELS WE HAVE HEARD ON HIGH') (PLAYS WRONG NOTE) (CHOIR CONTINUES PLAYING) (CHOIR CONTINUES PLAYING) (PLAYS WRONG NOTE) (CHOIR CONTINUES PLAYING) (CHOIR CONTINUES PLAYING WITH INTRICATE MELODIES) (CHOIR SLOWS DOWN PLAYING) (CHOIR PLAYS FIRST LINE OF 'HARK! THE HERALD ANGELS SING') (SONG ENDS) (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) (GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYS) WOMAN: # Oh, holy night, # the stars are brightly # shining. # It is the night... (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) # ...of our dear # Saviour's birth. (VIOLIN BEGINS PLAYING) # Long lay # the world # in sin and error # pining # till He appeared # and the soul # felt its worth. # (INSECTS CHIRP, 'JESU, JOY OF MAN'S DESIRING' PLAYS FAINTLY ON ORGAN) (HORN TOOTS) Dude, you've gotta be kidding me. OK, Kristin, let's go home. Should I talk to him? No, no, no, you're OK. No, should I give him a chance to explain? Uh, I think that explaining is a little bit overrated in this particular situation. What's to explain? He is a cheater; he will cheat again. This is my decision, Mom. It's not yours. I forbid you to see that boy, for your own good. Why can't you just leave me alone? I'm sorry; that's not gonna happen. You're a teenager. You're all alike. You think that nobody understands you. (CHUCKLES DRILY) We all understand you; we're just tired of listening to it. You won't have to listen to it for very long, because the day after graduation, (DELIBERATELY) I am moving to New York. If you do that, you will do that with absolutely no support from us ` your father or me. You know, I don't want your money. I don't need your money. Really? You can't make it to the grocery store and back; how are you going to survive in Manhattan? You think I can't handle it? I think that you will be back in a year after Maverick dumps you for some dirty SoHo artist, and I think that you will be begging us to get you back into school. No, I will not. Yes, you will, because that is what you do ` you make a mess, and then you come home, and you ask me to clean it up. You know why I chose NYU, right? It wasn't for Maverick. It wasn't for the music. It was because I will do anything, anything at all ` I will move across the country ` to make sure I end up nothing... like you. And once I leave, I am never, ever coming back. Kristin. Kristin Marie Cartwell. Krys. (BREATHES HEAVILY) Barbara, she's young; she doesn't know what she's saying. How can my own daughter hate me so much? She'll be back. I promise you she'll be back. (POIGNANT MUSIC) (INSECTS CHIRP) (WHIRRING) (SCRAPING) Where's Krys? She's with Maverick. But we always come up here and meet on Christmas Eve. I know; she told me, but tonight you're stuck here with me. Jamie, how come you've never told Krys how you feel? About what? (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 'Bout her. Uh, I mean, it's never really felt like the right time. Mm. Wait, you think she knows? No. She's 17; she thinks the whole world revolves around her. I mean, she wouldn't notice a meteor barrelling towards her face. Yeah, well, she noticed Maverick. Yeah, but that's never gonna last. Are you really an NYU mentor? I feel like I've met you before. (LOW, PENSIVE MUSIC) I could tell you the truth, but you would think that I was crazy. Try me. What if I told you this is our Christmas Eve ritual... 17 years from now? (LOW, AMUSING MUSIC) Like, you and me? Because I` I don't really know you. Yeah, you do. My name isn't Kay. It's Kristin Cartwell, except I'm from the future, and somehow ` don't ask me how ` I woke up here tonight on Christmas Eve, and it's 1996 all over again. C'mon, that's crazy. I know, but it's true. (INSECTS CONTINUE CHIRPING) I mean, OK, you do look like you could be maybe... her sister. OK, tell me something that only Krys would know about me. You've spent Christmas with my family since freshman year, because you didn't want to spend it with your family. Krys could've told you that. What's my mother's name? Shelly. Where was I born? Oxnard. What's my dog's name? You don't have a dog; you're allergic ` asthma. We spent your 15th birthday in the ER, because of Benjamin Cisneros' two German shepherds. You really are Krys. OK. OK. I told you so. (EXHALES) So... in the future, are we... together? No, we never dated. But when I told you that this was still our Christmas Eve tradition, I wasn't lying ` me and you, 3000 miles away,... rooftop, Christmas Eve. We're still best friends. But just best friends. You see, she'll... You'll never feel that way about me, even after a million years of being... friends. You never said anything. After all this time, you have never said a word. Would it have mattered if I did? I dunno. (LOW, PENSIVE MUSIC) But with Krys, I mean, she's still running after the bad guys. I'm still running after the bad guys. But when I woke up here tonight, all I could think about was that... I don't wanna end up alone. You'll never be alone, even if you never... love me the way that I love you. I'll always be there. You say that now, but on this exact night 17 years from now, you're with Sophia, and I am alone (SCOFFS) on Christmas Eve. I can't imagine choosing anyone over you ` ever. Jamie, it takes me a long time to figure things out. I'm stubborn; I'm selfish; I'm a hot mess. You know, I couldn't even ask you to. I wouldn't want you to. I'll wait. Even if I have to wait forever, I will. (WARM NOTE) (GENTLE MUSIC) (HAND PATS SOFTLY) (WARM, GENTLE MUSIC) (VEHICLE ENGINE SHUTS OFF) (DOORS OPEN) (DOOR SHUTS) Wow. Barbara really knows how to rock some Christmas decorations, huh? (CHUCKLES GENTLY) Yeah, she is pretty hard-core. Mm-hm. Kris, um,... in the future, do I...? Do I turn out OK? I mean, do I, like, get my own car? Jamie, by the time you're 30,... you are gonna have created the most popular gaming app in China. You own five cars, and you have this crazy-pants awesome apartment in the Village. Wait, what village? Like, in France, or...? Dude, you have no idea. You are gonna blow your own mind. (EXHALES) Oh. (CLATTERING) (GASPS) I... The Christmas mix tape. I do one every year, so I just... I know you do. Oh, Kristin got you something. I mean, I did; we did. (EXHALES SHARPLY) I'm gonna go get it. It's OK, it can wait till tomorrow. (DAVE ANTRELL'S 'MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME' PLAYS, DOOR SHUTS) (FIRE CRACKLES) WHISPERS: Debbie. You good? Totally. (LAUGHS) (CHUCKLES GENTLY) Wanna join me? I'll be right back ` one second. # Christmastime # with you... # (INSECTS CHIRP) (DOOR SHUTS) (EXHALES) OK. OK, well, I hope it's something cool. (CHUCKLES GENTLY) It's perfect. No, I love it. It's great. I cannot believe I forgot about that. How did I forget it? (SIGHS) Well, I should probably go. (GENTLE MUSIC) (MUSIC SWELLS) (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Oh. Hmm? Merry Christmas. (GENTLE MUSIC CONTINUES) (JUDDERING) (DAVE ANTRELL'S 'MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME' CONTINUES PLAYING) WHISPERS: Debbie, are you still in there? (JINGLING, FIRE CRACKLES) (EXHALES) (CHUCKLES) It's beautiful, isn't it? (CHUCKLES GENTLY) It is. It is. Yeah. Are you scared? Of what? Babs finding us under here? No, although that is very scary. True that. No, of, uh... Of not being here next Christmas? That? (CHUCKLES GENTLY) Little. Mm. But truthfully, after spending... so many Christmases in my apartment alone with my cat, I'm just glad not to be alone for this one. True that. (CHUCKLES GENTLY) (WARM, GENTLE MUSIC) Can you do me a favour,... OK? You know, in case I'm not here next year. Oh, absolutely. Cool. Can you... check in on Krys for me? (GENTLE, PENSIVE MUSIC) I just think that, without me here, she might be in need of an actual mentor. You got it. Thanks. (FIRE CONTINUES CRACKLING) Merry Christmas, Kay. Merry Christmas, Debbie. (GENTLE CHUCKLING) (GENTLE, POIGNANT MUSIC) (MUSIC BECOMES PENSIVE) So, I wasn't able to change my past ` (SIGHS) not really. SOFTLY: 'But if I wake up in 2013, I promise you,... 'I'll change it; I'll come home. 'Can you please just gimme a chance?' (SIGHS) (THE DRIFTERS' 'I REMEMBER CHRISTMAS' PLAYS) WHISPERING: # Christmas. # Christmas. # Christmas. # I remember # Christmas # with the candles and the hanging mistletoe. (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) Maverick loves me. He said he loves me. Can you believe it? Yeah, of course he does (!) You're really disappointed in me, aren't you? No, I'm not. You know, when I woke up here this morning, I thought I could go back and change my past and fix all of my mistakes, but those mistakes made me who I am. And you really think it's a terrible decision to stay with him? Maybe, maybe not, but, you know, that's life, and you are a teenager ` it was wrong of me to impose all of my adult choices and regrets on you. I wanna change things; I can just go back and change them myself. I am not that old,... (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) ...despite what you may think. I don't think you're old; I just think you're grown-up. Maybe I am. Look what I found. Kristin Marie Cartwell, you did not sneak booze into your room. What? It was under the tree. It just said 'Merry Christmas'. ECHOES: What is that? ECHOES: No charge ` special gift for Christmas. # ... each time # I remember # Christmas. # Christmas. (GENTLE, PENSIVE MUSIC) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Hi. SOFTLY: Hi. (SIGHS) You think you'll still be here in the morning? I don't know. I'll miss you, you know. I'm gonna miss you too,... but you have so many great adventures ahead of you... and some heartbreak, but... you and Jamie are just gonna have the best time in New York. (GENTLE, PENSIVE MUSIC CONTINUES) Goodnight, Krys. SOFTLY: I love you. (INSECTS CHIRP) (EXHALES) (LOW, SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) (GULPS SOFTLY) (SIGHS) (SOFT WHOOSHING) (GENTLE, INTRIGUING MUSIC) (MUSIC BUILDS) Special gift for Christmas. ECHOES: Your chance to do what? ECHOES: To change my Christmas Past. JAMIE, ECHOES: You'll never feel that way about me. BARBARA, ECHOES: I just have this feeling we'd get along famously. (TINKLING, WHISPERING) (WARM NOTE) (PURRS) Bean? Wait. Old, smelly Bean? SOFTLY: Hi! H` Wait. What the`? (HORN TOOTS DISTANTLY) (HORNS TOOT DISTANTLY) Didn't happen. SOFTLY: It was a dream. (CHIMING) (LOW, EXPECTANT MUSIC) PHONE: Hey, it's Jamie. Leave me a message. (BEEP!) OK. Jamie, um,... something's happened. It's totally crazy, but I need to talk to you. I nee... I need to see you. I'm comin' home. I'm coming home today. (SOFT CLICK) I'm coming home for Christmas. Anthony! We're goin' home. (CHUCKLES GLEEFULLY) (VEHICLE DOOR SHUTS) (WINDOW WHIRRS) Merry Christmas! (VEHICLE ENGINE STARTS) Merry Christmas, everyone! (CHUCKLES GLEEFULLY) (MOMENTOUS CHRISTMAS MUSIC) (TINKLING) (MUSIC SOFTENS, BECOMES GENTLE) (ENGINE REVS) (GENTLE MUSIC FADES) SOFTLY: OK, Kris, you can do this. What are you doing? (GENTLE MUSIC) Well, you can't stand down here all night. You got my message. I did. Where's Sophia? Who? You really think that I'd wait all this time just to leave you for a girl who doesn't even like music? (WARM, MOMENTOUS MUSIC) (MUSIC SWELLS) (TINKLING) (GENTLE MUSIC) (CHUCKLES) (SIGHS) I'm scared. I know. (EXHALES) I'm comin' with you. (DOOR BELL RINGS) They're gonna be so mad at me; they have every right to be. What if they don't wanna see me? Hi, Mom. Merry Christmas. SOFTLY: Krys. It's Kristin. And I'm home. (WARM, GENTLE 'ANGELS WE HAVE HEARD ON HIGH' INSTRUMENTAL) (DOOR SHUTS) (MUSIC PAUSES) (NIKI J CRAWFORD'S 'LOOKS LIKE CHRISTMAS) # Looks like Christmas, # looks like Christmas, # looks like Christmas to me. # It's Christmastime. # Sunny shine ` # hey there, Santa, # better wear your shades. # Top of trees # blowin' in the breeze ` # late December # and the weather's fine. # And I guess I'll never know; # while searchin' this heaven and snow,... (WOMAN VOCALISES) # ...looks like Christmas, # looks like Christmas,... # ...looks like Christmas to me. # Looks like Christmas to me. (SONG CONTINUES) Captions by Shrutika Gunanayagam. www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.