(COMMENTATOR) There's a battle on the boards with both teams really digging for the puck. Now it squirts loose and the Ice Wolves have it. The puck is cleared out of the goal. And here they come. What a hit! Come on, boys, use the body. Take them wide! Take them wide! Rafton's flying up the ice. Take 'em to the outside! He shoots. Nice save by Grant. Oh! What a hit. What action, eh, Hank? The Ice Wolves are just getting hammered. (CROWD CHANTS "TOOTH") There's a familiar chant, Jim. Thompson. The coach is calling for the big defenseman, Derek Thompson. And here comes the Tooth Fairy. Find a dark jersey and hit it. "The Blue Danube" - Johann Strauss II (CROWD CHANT) Tooth, Tooth, Tooth. (CHEERING) (EXCLAIMS) And it's an incisor. I got the tooth! Thank God, the Tooth Fairy! Yeah! And the Tooth Fairy, Derek Thompson, has struck again. You can't handle the tooth, and that's the tooth, the whole truth and nothing but the tooth. I pledge allegiance to the tooth. Open the door for the Tooth Fairy. (TANNOY) "Penalty at number 14, Derek Thompson, five minute major for boarding." Who's the Tooth Fairy? Am I the Tooth - I'm the Tooth Fairy! Stop it, stop it. (MAN) No, I'm not scared. I play hockey. I'll go out there, have a good time. What's going on out here? < Come here. I want you to meet the future of our franchise. New kid. He won't be here for longer than a cup of coffee till he's snapped up. But while he is here, your job on the ice is to take care of him. Nothing else matters, alright? Alright. Mick. Yeah. Derek Thompson, Mick Donnelly, our first line centre. He's your bodyguard. What's up? Welcome to pro hockey, kid. Is there an old timers' game today? I didn't realise you were still playing. I used to be a big fan. Alright. See you later, man. (FANS CALL FOR DEREK) Mr Thompson! Tooth Fairy! Can I have your autograph? Sure, absolutely. What's your name, buddy? Gabe. I'm the third leading scorer in my Hockey League and our team won the championship. That's fantastic, good for you. One day I'm going to play hockey in the big leagues, just like you used to. You work pretty hard at hockey, do you? I play almost every day. I drive him almost every day. How old are you? I'm eight. You're eight. Well, here's the deal. You're eight and you're the third leading scorer in your league behind two other eight-year-olds. One's nine. OK. See, Gabe, somewhere in this country there's a seven-year-old playing against 12-year-olds. He's outscoring them. He's killing them. Making them want to get run over by a Zamboni and die. There are a bunch like that kid in every rink. When the time's right, they'll battle it out and only a handful will get signed. Let's say you do make the NHL. You won't. But let's say you do. Say you hit the show out of college but it hits you back. Before you can say "slapshot" you're in the minors with a blown-out shoulder and nowhere to go. Listen, lower your expectations. That's how you're gonna be happy. There you go, Gabe. (GIRL LAUGHS) (DEREK IN VAMPIRE ACCENT) I vant to suck your blood. What? What are you looking at? And laughing at? Why aren't you afraid? Because those are French fries. No, I can't eat French fries. French fries are fatal to vampires. (SHRIEKS) (WOMAN) Hey, I have an idea. Can't talk, still dead. Mommy, my tooth came out. Hey! Yay! Oh, congrats. The Tooth Fairy is gonna visit me tonight. You bet. Let's see. You are such a big girl. Hey, hey, I'm the Tooth Fairy. I thought you said you were a vampire. You've got some inconsistent mythology. I have a lot of homework. Can I be excused? Yeah. Mommy, it's time for you to go now so Derek can start babysitting. Not just yet. Want to put your jammys on? I wonder if it would help if Randy and you had some one-on-one time. Sure, I can do that. As long as I don't have to be alone with him. (CAR HORN) Renee is here. Oh, a little ketchup. Oh, Tooth Fairy. You know what, I got it. Look, I put on my pyjamas. Dracula is back from the dead! (SCREAMS) Give me your French fries! (LAUGHTER) What do you guys think of Donnelly? That kid is fast. You mean the next Gretsky. I love him already, like a long-lost brother. Can we just play? It's you. I'm a little short. He's a little short. But this autograph that says "The Tooth Fairy" is worth ten bucks on eBay. Ten of these is 100 bucks. So I'm in. No, no, no, you gotta pay. Hey, it's me. I'm good for it. I'll be right back. He took his cards. Is this guy serious? Just fold so we can play. Derek, don't the kids have a piggy bank or something? (CARLY) I'm home! Hello, gorgeous. Vinny's? Some brews? Let's do it, boys. All we have is juice box here. You know what, I'm a little tired. I'll walk you guys out. (TESS) Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! What happened, honey? My tooth has gone. That's because the Tooth Fairy took it. But there's no money. I looked. Oh. Let's look together. I'm sure it's here somewhere. The vampire has returned. Not a vampire moment. It's not anywhere. Well, er, I bet that they took it to weigh it on the toothometer to see what it's worth before they bring you the money. Right? Sure, that's how the whole tooth thing works. No, that's not how it works. You put the tooth under your pillow, the Tooth Fairy flies into your room when you're sleeping, takes the tooth and leaves a dollar. Where is it? OK. You tell me when to stop when the Tooth Fairy has been here because I have five, ten... Derek! OK, Tess, you're a big girl now, you're six. Let's just get this out of the way. There's no such thing as - Shabang! Here it is. How did it get down there? You must have rolled over in your sleep and it fell on the floor. I forgot. People forget. So your big idea to handle it was to tell Tess there is no Tooth Fairy? The way I see it, the reason why there are so many unhappy people is because they are clinging to a version of "what if". So dreams are bad? If they lead to unrealistic expectations. This is ridiculous. I know. I'm going to bed. Carly. You... are leaving. Don't get all dramatic. I'm her mother. I get to say when her childhood fantasies end, not you. (FAIRY SOUND EFFECT) What? Disbelief in fairy summons? What? (YELLS) (SCREAMS) (MAN) Thompson, Derek Thompson. Yes, God, it's me. Is that you, God? You're Thompson? You're God? I'm Tracy, your caseworker. What is this? How disappointing. Come with me, please. No, thank you. Thank you. Fairy Krishnas. What are you wearing? I don't know what I'm wearing. What are you wearing? Who is this guy? Dream killer. I don't like your sort. What did I do? Why am I here? Where am I? No-one likes your kind or your attitude, the way you show up acting strange. "Why am I here? What are these giant wings?" Hey, do we have a problem? We have a problem. Do we have a problem? We have a problem cos you said, "Do we have a problem?" Tracy, right? What a pretty girl's name you have. Don't laugh. That's not funny. That's strike two. You don't want strike three. What happens after strike three? Strike four. We'll get your uniform sorted out and then we can get you registered and begin your training. Training for what? Training for what? You, Mr Thompson, are going to spend some time as a Tooth Fairy. Ah! The Tooth Fairy... Someone get him, please. Calm down, everyone. He's relatively harmless. Everyone alright? What are you? Fairy patrol? I'm 230lbs. It's going to take more than eight fairies... Get your fairy hands off me. Is this fairy etiquette? Alright. OK. Where were we? Help, please, wake me up! I'm in a nightmare. Please! Please help me! The nightmare's just beginning. You want a shot at the title? Is that it? You feeling lucky? Punk. Maybe I am. Hold these, baby. I can't see anything, give them back. It was a stupid idea. Oh, yeah. You want a piece of this? I'm ready to go. You just made a big mistake. Please, you got a magic wand(!) You gonna pull a rabbit out of a hat? Fairy fight! Let's not get carried away. Now I got one, too. I'll introduce you to the Hammer Brothers, Sledge and Jack. Who do you want? Who do you want to meet? I can't see. Can't see. Oh, dear. Looks like you picked on the wrong fairy. I can see. Magic wand. Oh, my gosh, the magic wand(!) Gone bang-bang. (WOMAN) What is going on here? I'll tell you... The sugar-dumb fairy... I didn't know... He's gonna introduce me to the Hammer Brothers. They're still in town! Stop it. You're behaving like leprechauns. He's got such a major attitude problem. I'm well aware of his attitude, believe me. Hello, Mr Thompson. Hi. Sorry about the foul up with your outfit. Budget problems. Tracy will take care of it. Him? Sure. You, sir, are guilty of disseminating disbelief. Killing dreams, committing first-degree murder of fantasy. Which, by fairy law - Is this because of what happened with Tess? Excuse me, I haven't finished speaking. Did I look as if I'd finished? I don't know. The British accents. You just interrupted me while I was admonishing you for interrupting me. Do I not look official enough? I don't understand why policemen or firemen don't get interrupted, but you add a pair of wings and all manners go out the window. Shouldn't you be more in awe of somebody with wings than without? You have no idea what I'm capable of. I could just fly up into the air and do something crazy. Maybe I breathe fire, you don't know. I'm sorry for interrupting you. I didn't mean it. That is better. In order to pay your debt to humanity, you are hereby ordered to serve time as a Tooth Fairy. The normal sentence is one week, but because you have the nerve, the unmitigated gall, to actually call yourself a Tooth Fairy, thus make a mockery of everything we stand for, I'm sentencing you to two weeks' Tooth Fairy duty. No, no, no, no, it's unfair. Interrupting. See that he's outfitted and get him to flying school. I'm sorry, what? But first you get to meet Jerry. Excuse me, Fairy Godmother. I have one last question. Does this tutu make my butt look big? Yes. Huge. (LAUGHTER) Ooh! Egg on the face. Alright. Good, you got the male version. Give us a little spin. How about I give you a spin of my fist around your nose? What does that mean? It's a threat. It sounds like you're gonna do that. No, I'll punch you in the nose. That's much clearer. What's that? Aww! That is just pathetic, like a child. (MAN) Chicken is fine. I don't hate your chicken. I like your chicken. I hate your brisket. I'm coming. Goodbye. Never marry a leprechaun. Oh, the dream popper. Did it make you feel good to lie to that kid? I didn't lie. You told the kid there was no Tooth Fairy. Right. Liar. Look, I'm sorry. Sorry is the beginning. Now, if you're going to be a fairy you've got to be ready. Although... There is a pill. I mean an amazing pill. You take this pill, you don't have to do any of this. Really? No, I was just kidding. You're mad at me. You believed and then I took it away. Be mad, I don't care. I have tenure. Come on, walk with Jerry. OK. Here's your tool pouch. Waterproof, lot of compartments. You can get a lot of stuff in there. You dig? OK. This... This is your wand. Tooth detector radar jammer. Keeps picking up Radio Caliente. I don't know why. What's that? Magic generator button. Does whatever you want it to do. But you have to believe or it won't work. So it's pretty much useless to humans. And this. You don't ever want to lose this. What is it? It looks like an iPod adapter. So what is it? It's an iPod adapter. What's it for? Listening to your iPod. You get a free iPod. Did you not ask for your free iPod? No. Really? I'm just kidding. Why do you keep doing that? I'm not well. I just have a few months to live. You're kidding? Of course I'm kidding. Why would I share that? I just met you and you lie to kids. We've got business to do. Invisibility spray. Use it and nobody can see you except for other fairies. This, dude, trust me. Shrinking paste. Put a little on your tongue, you shrink down to about six inches tall. You want to do it? Come on, let's do it together. We'll jump into each other's hands. I don't want to jump into your hands. Really? Come on, let's get small. Sometimes, when I'm home with the wife, I'll take a double hit. I get to that big. I let my feet dangle in the inkwell. Then when she's out I walk all over her body. When she wakes up there's footprints all over. She's, "What?" I go, "I don't know." When you're married a long time, you do stuff like this. Alright, let's see, what else? Would you like a mint? I made them myself. Have a mint. Taste them, come on. Really good. Come on, taste them. Help yourself. Sure, great. These are good. These ARE good. (BARKS) Dog bark mints. Comes in very handy. For what? Cats, mailmen, dogs that come up behind. Or if a kid you lie to comes after you. How many times have I got to say I'm sorry? Six times. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so- I'm sorry, I was just kidding. I can't believe you did this. You play for years without a helmet? What is with you? It's like your brain is in a penalty box. You've got the eyes of a shark. But, like, deader. Listen. Cat Away. Very important. If you're not a cat person this will come in handy. I almost had a senior fairy moment. Don't you move. (SMASHING) This is my greatest invention ever. Amnesia dust. You throw a pinch, the kid forgets everything that happened for the last few seconds. Yeah, right, come on. That's how it works. That's how what works? Amnesia dust. You throw a pinch, the kid forgets everything. That's how it works. That's how what works? Amnesia dust. You throw a pinch, the kid forgets everything. That's how it works. How what works? Never gets old. You want to fly, you've got to believe. You've got to learn to use your wings. Use my wings? Do you know how ridiculous you sound? Who's your hobbit friend over here? Hey. You stay here, OK? You have to learn from the best. Some dang fool accused this guy of being the best. Well, me and flying is not going to happen. I've got an old hockey injury so I've probably got a bad wing. That's one I've never heard before. How's it going? What's up? Want me to turn He-Man to Peter Pan? Don't get me started, homie. What is that, you're secret fairy jiving? Maybe you didn't hear, I've got a bad wing, I can't fly. (SHRIEKS) Put me down. Is he OK? Yeah. I'm cranking this baby up. Put me down! I think you're ready to practise FOA. FOA? What's FOA? Flying Object Avoidance. I throw something at you, you get out the way. You better not throw anything - You want to get in on this, Tracy? Put me down! Imagine these are your responsibilities and you're avoiding them. Bring it on! Wimbledon. It's Hammer Brother- Raise your right hand, repeat after me, "I, fill in your name." I, Derek Thompson. "Swear to uphold and perform." Swear to uphold and perform. "The duties, responsibilities and obligations." The duties, responsibilities and obligations. "Of a Tooth Fairy." "Of a Tooth Fairy." Of a Tooth Fairy. "And that I will not drink and fly." Drink and fly? OK, that's serious. That's serious. That I will not drink and fly. Welcome aboard. These coupons are redeemable at the gift ship. Maybe I can have a fairy bumper sticker. Alright, I concede, it's real. Fairies do exist. It's too late, your sentence begins tomorrow. No, no, no, no, no. There's got to be a way to postpone this. Like jury duty. I'm sure up here you have fairy duty or whatever it is. I've a coach breathing down my neck and I have to fix things with my girlfriend... The interrupting thing. I'm sorry. Any assignment you miss you get another week. And if you fail your terms of service or tell anyone you're a Tooth Fairy your time will be extended indefinitely. Really? I'm not leaving. Goodbye, Mr Thompson. No. I'm sorry. For what? What I said last night? Which part? All the parts that deeply offended you. OK? Everything I've ever said. Or thought. Even before I met you. Want to come in? Oh, yeah. And spend that one-on-one time with Randy. Yeah. Let me go to my car and get something and I'll be right back. Me and Randy. Alright, yeah! (LAUGHS) I didn't know you could shred like that. What do you want? I brought you a present. Can you guess what it is? Is it a puppy(?) No, wise guy, it's not a puppy. It's one of my hockey sticks. And now, after I sign, "Your pal, the Tooth Fairy." Now it's worth a lot of money. There you go. I'm just going to leave it right here. I bet you get a lot of chicks with that guitar. Can we stop this now? Stop what? You're like my mom's past boyfriends. Pretending to be nice to me to impress her. You're wrong. I'm much better looking than your mom's past boyfriends. Big boy pound for trying to break the ice. No, it's going away. I have to get back to practising. How about you come to mine? I can break out my drum kit. You can bring your guitar and we could have a jam session. Or how about I tell my mom you're actually pretty cool and you stop trying to bond with me? I'll take that deal. So you'll never believe what Randy said about you after you left. He said that you're actually pretty cool. Well, I am pretty cool. I'll say. Whatever you're doing is working. So why don't you keep it up? (PHONE BUZZES) (SIGHS) Who's "T"? I have no idea. I don't know. What I do know is I would love for you to close your eyes because I have an amazing surprise. Really? Yeah. Close your eyes. OK. Be right back. Is my surprise 6'3" with dark brown eyes? You'll find out shortly. I love surprises. Get ready. I know you're right in front of me. Keep your eyes closed. OK. (PHONE BUZZES) Don't move. Everything's OK. Don't peek! OK. I need some air. What? I'm not feeling well. Should I come - No, no! Can you get me some Pepdal? Of course. Where is it? It's upstairs in the bathroom. It's way upstairs. Oh, my gosh. "Hello?" Hello. Who's this? It's me, Tracy. Tracy who? "Your caseworker." Your first assignment has just fallen asleep. Get yourself over quick to 663 Shelter Cove. I thought that was a dream. Think again. (CARLY) Derek. Oh, no! No! Where are you? Bushes! Don't come closer. You can't see me like this. It'll ruin your romantic image of me. Oh, honey, you are so sick. (MOANS) I checked the entire bathroom. I couldn't find anything. You've got to look under the sink. Way back deep underneath the sink. OK. Hello. You heard the rules. You can't miss an assignment. Those wings will stay on your back until you get that tooth. Man! (CARLY) You could clean up a little! My wing. Delicately done, well done. I can't believe this is happening. Well, it is, so get in the house and fetch the tooth. No, no, I'm not going anywhere. Why don't you go in? Because it's not my job. That doesn't make sense. You're a fairy, get the tooth. I'm not a winged fairy, I'm a caseworker fairy. Which is more responsibility. There's a lot of filing. And putting stuff in envelopes. Tricky. You're saying you're not good enough. I'm not saying that. They stuck you at a desk. I'll tell you what they did. There's wing discrimination in the workplace. Very funny. Tell me how you'll get in the house. Maybe I'll wing it. How are you gonna get in the house? On a wing and a prayer. This is funny stuff, but how will you get the tooth? Which wing should I start with? Do you want another week? No. I don't want another minute. What do you suggest, Einstein? I can't fly, so do what? Shrink yourself down and slide under the front door. Of course, just shrink and slide in. What anybody would do. It is, actually. Is this gonna hurt? Let's hope so. Come on. How do I get big again? It's automatic. From the moment you shrink you gradually regrow. It takes about an hour. Come on. I can't believe this. Eat it. Shut up. Down the hatch. Yum yum in Derek's tum. Nice? (SCREAMS) Ooh, not so brave now, little wee man. (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) No, no, no. Wing jokes aren't so funny now the shoe's on the other foot. OK, OK. You should shoe me some respect. Oh, I'll shoe you some respect. When I get bigger I'll thump the glasses off your face. You shoeldn't upset me. Is that the best you've got? Just take the money. Hey! Watch it. Don't throw money. My wing. My wing. Money's heavy. Money's heavy. (PURRS) (MEOWS) I hate this. I can't believe - Ow, my wing, my wing! OK. (SCREAMS) (SCREAMS) No, no. Shh! I'm the Tooth Fairy. I'm the Tooth Fairy. (PARENTS CALL OUT) Don't worry, sweetheart. Darling, we're coming. What's going on? Are you OK? Ow. Honey, what's the matter? I saw something. What did you see? It was a little tiny man. Hope you're not hungry. Nice kitty. Don't hurt me, kitty. (MEOWS) I'm the Tooth Fairy! Disappear. Kitty be gone! (CAT MEOWS) (KLAXON SOUNDS) (DOOR CLOSING) Derek? (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Carly? Come cuddle with me. No. What? Going to bed. Still not well. Hey. I'll call you when I'm bigger. I mean better. here in Lansing, Michigan, home of the Lansing Ice Wolves. We are about to see the potentially historic debut of an 18-year-old phenom. Mick Donnelly is about set to take the ice for the first time. Kid, you pumped up your first game? Yeah, Pops, I'm super pumped. It means one less game till I'm out of here and into the bigs. I'm done being generous. This is my kingdom. I'm the king. You're not even a prince. You're one of those guys in tights running round the court in a wig. (CROWD CHANT "MICK THE STICK") Looks like you've been dethroned. (WHISTLE BLOWS) (COMMENTATOR) This is it. Final minute regulation time. The Ice Wolves lead the Roughnecks 2-1. The kid Donnelly has more than lived up to the hype. He's still working on that hat-trick. The face off, the puck comes back to the Roughnecks. A quick shot. Nice save. The puck goes into the corner and Donnelly picks it up. He puts on the brakes and spins out of trouble. Whoa! Look at him fly, Jim. He beats another defender. And here he comes. Donnelly's rushing up the ice. Look at those moves. He's going through the Roughnecks like they're a bunch of mules. Donnelly circles around the Roughneck goal. He looks out front to pass. He kicks off the board. Now Donnelly clears himself off the boards and takes a pass at the slot. He looks to shoot. (CHANTING) Mick the Stick, Mick the Stick, Mick the Stick. No, not now. Oh! What a bone-crushing open ice hit to Donnelly and he's down. Thompson was going to clear Lambeck out of the zone and suddenly instead he just dropped to the ice. No-one even touched him. Hey, Thompson! You cost me a hat-trick and an interview on ESPN. Hey, get over here, I want to talk to you. Hey, what are you doing? Get out here. No, I'm very busy right now. No autographs. I'm busy. Fine, I'll wait. What are you guys talking about? Whoa! What the heck? What's he wearing? Check out Thompson's feet. Looks like a little girl. Disappear! No, no, no. Either you come out or we're coming in. One. This is not good. (ALL) Two. (ALL) Three. (TOILET FLUSHING) What happened? Why are you late? Where have you been? Don't talk to me. Why are you wet? Shut up. I hate this job. What's that smell? That's intense. I can't breathe. That's too much. (DOORBELL RINGS) It's making my eyes hurt. Hello. Hi. What the - Mom, I'm home. Where's the kid? Be nice, be respectful. I came out of a toilet. You think I care? Mama fairy, there is your tooth. You do with it whatever it is you do here with your teeth. Mr Thompson, according to your caseworker you're not exactly embracing the Tooth Fairy spirit. Really? Is that what my caseworker said? Let me tell you something. My caseworker has wing envy. Not true. It is true. I am a giant fan of the job I do. You hate this job. I love it. I live for it. You don't. You hate it. Will you stop it? Just look at what you have done to this family. "Who are you?" "Who are you?" "I don't know." "Am I home yet?" Uh-uh-uh-uh! (LAUGHS) It's not funny. Did you see the dog? Its eyes were like that. You overdid it. Fairy godmother, who is your supervisor? Who's above you? Who do I talk to? Because I want to file a complaint. You have another assignment. Are you kidding me? There's a double header. Tell me where the tooth is so I can get it and go home. Not until the child falls asleep. Until then I'm afraid you have to wait. One kid falls asleep in the afternoon, another is up all night. Ah, lovely cup of tea. Good tea? Refreshing. (SNORES) (PHONE BUZZES) Oh, bull- (CAR HORN) Hiya. You feeling any better? Yeah, a little bit. How about you guys come on up? Hi, Derek. Hi, gorgeous. Actually, I have a really big favour to ask. Tess and I just got a last-minute invitation to - A beauty makeover party. Nice. A beauty makeover party. I was wondering, because you're getting along so well, if Randy could hang out with you for a little while. Yeah, yes, of course. Super, great, thank you. I'll make it up to you. Be good. Have fun. Bye. That's awesome. I can see hockey's been really good to you. You want to hang with me or do you want to get a beauty makeover? Pretty cool stuff in here, huh? Yeah, whatever. Why don't you take one down, see how it sounds? I don't want to. Here, give it a shot. Please don't. Give it a shot, let's see how it sounds. Go ahead. That sounds great. I'm going to check out the drums and in the meantime you keep practising. Because all that is just awesome. (PLAYS RIFF) Hi, Randy. Hey, what's up? You sound pretty good. Thanks. You going to play in the talent show? (BOY) Kelly. There you are. Why are you talking to emo boy? Don't be a jerk, Ben. You dad's waiting, we have to go. Bye, Randy. Bye. Don't even think about talking to her. You got it, loser? OK. You should put this away. Because you stink. What are you doing with Randy's guitar? I don't know. You should give it back to him. OK. And you can get out of here. Beat it. Oh! You are in trouble now. We'll see. I know we'll see. Can you beat two pair? Call me and find out. Oh, big boy puts in all his big boy Doodles. Look at that, me too, I'm not scared, because it's aces over kings. Flush. No. Yes. Look at all these Doodles, they're all mine. Nice. Nice. I'm going to enjoy these. Don't rub it in. Can I ask you something? It's about your body and how it's changing, isn't it? What? Everything that's happening to your body is completely natural. Eww, no, no, stop talking. Do you have a funny feeling? Stop talking. Looks like a... Stop talking. OK, OK. You... That wasn't what I was going to ask at all. It wasn't even close. OK, alright. Big boy pound for not wanting to talk about puberty. Right? Yes. Thank goodness. Believe me, I don't want to talk about it either. What's up, seriously? Alright, well, there's this talent show coming up at my school. OK. My mom thinks I should play in it. I'm kind of... I don't know. Maybe you should play in it. Yeah? Yeah. You'd be great. I heard you play. You're really good, man. (MIMICS GUITAR) And the chicks love guitar players. (CARLY) We're back. Hey, baby, we're up here. Don't tell your mom I said that about girls. Don't. Hi, boys. How did it go? Hi. Well, your son cheats. Does not. He absolutely does and you look - Gorgeous! Took the words right out of my mouth. You hungry? How about we get some supper? Love to. (PHONE BUZZES) Where's your coat, honey? Oh, no. You guys got to go. Is someone hurt? Not hurt in a way you have to be worried. Both of you look beautiful and I will call you later, I'm so sorry. Bye. Shrinking paste? Nope, not that again. Amnesia dust? No. Flying, ha! Bad wing, forget it. Oh, hey, hey. By the way, your all-purpose magic generator button, it doesn't work, it's broken. Here's an idea, brain box. Why don't - Don't touch my pouch, it's my pouch. What do you want? Get out the magical invisibility spray. That's relatively idiot-proof. I know that. Ignore my last comment. What a surprise, it doesn't work. Your stuff stinks. Nice! (POIGNANT MUSIC) This is the very moment... Audrey understood that more than 20,000 Kiwis were paying the actual wholesale price of their power, but she was still paying whatever fixed price her power company felt like. Earthquake. Uh-oh. Did you hear that? Yes. (SQUEAKS) Ghosts. Whoo! (SCREAMS) Are you lost? Can we help you? How would you like a little amnesia dust? (SNEEZES) Where am I? Just go to the white light, my friend. Just go to the white light. (BARKING) Nice doggy. Don't hurt me, doggy. (SCREECHES) What is this? It's a long and delightful story. Where's the tooth? Can I get a little help here? That'll be all. You might just be the worst Tooth Fairy ever. By the way, I need some more stuff. Stuff? The magic powder, the gunk, the stuff. Notify Q. No. No more stuff. Well, that's brilliant. I have a week and a half left. How am I supposed to do that? Sorry, we're low on funding. Would you like to know why? No, not really. Because children aren't believing as they used to. It's not just us. It's unicorns, leprechauns, dragons. All those departments, completely gone. If this trend continues, Tooth Fairy Land will cease to exist. No child will ever again receive a visit from the Tooth Fairy. Ever. No more visits from the Tooth Fairy! So what? You really don't get it, do you? You don't see that children's fantasies, their abilities to imagine are important. Why, it nourishes their very souls. It's the foundation that allows them to dream. Dreams are bad. They're bad. They're useless. You're done. For the week? No, for the night. Unless you wish to stay for Fairyoke. Oh, my... No. Fairyoke. Like karaoke isn't bad enough. Psst. I got what you need. What's that? Goods. Stuff. Package. The bag, the bomb, the juice. The bing, the bang, the Frisco special. Pink lady, little drummer boy. Who are you? Ziggy. You can call me whatever you want. Zigman, Zigmeister. Please stop talking. They want you to fail. What? Think about it. You fail, they tack on more time. It's like credit card debt. They want to keep you paying forever. Yeah? You really want to play that game? So - 1,000 bucks. 1,000 bucks? You're killing me. How bad do you want this to end? Can I write you a cheque? (GASPS) Oh, my goodness. You can see me? Oh, man, this better work. Oh, no, what is that? What are you doing? (SQUEAKY VOICE) What did Ziggy give me? A big head. Just stay calm. 911. 911. I just need the tooth. There's an alien on my porch. (TRACY) You are amazing. Lily is so ticked off because she had to send another fairy to clean up your mess. I learned my lesson. Never buy black market stuff. I can't go on two weeks without it. Yes, you can, friend. You just have to surrender to a higher power and take it one day at a time. Hello? Caseworkers decide who can see us and who can't, which is something you'd know if you ever paid me any attention. But no. You're always yak yak yak. Shut up! My friend, you really need to get yourself cleaned up. If you want I can give you a pamphlet. And FYI, your sentence has been extended. Lily tacked on another week, so well done. Great. Just what I need. I think it is what you need. Listen, I can give you fresh supplies now. On one condition. From now on you follow the rules. You embrace the fairy spirit. You start listening to old muggins here. Fine. I'll be the best Tooth Fairy ever. You keep running out on me to see I don't even know who and then you never call. When I do finally hear from you it's to bail you out of jail. What's going on with you? I want to tell you. But I can't. Why not? I... I just can't. I know what this is. This is you acting out. You are afraid of commitment. You're nervous about us getting serious, aren't you? Yes. That's it. You know me so well. I'm nervous about how serious we're getting. What? You're a woman and, frankly, you wouldn't understand. What? Look, no. No! I'm not nervous about us getting serious. As a matter of fact I wouldn't even think about getting serious with you. I freaked. And, Carly, I love you so much. I'm scared of messing up. And I'm scared of losing you. Aww. I understand. I'm so glad you could share that with me. Where can I get some of that? What are you doing? Are you oiling up your abs again? I'm coming. Hurry up. I have been stepped on, flushed, bitten and arrested. Will you stop complaining? You promised to embrace the fairy spirit. I'm embracing the fairy spirit alright. But I'm doing it... ..my way. Not sure that's in the rules. Oh, yeah. (GASPS) Shh. I'm just here for the tooth, sir. Just the tooth. I'm gonna take my glove away. Shh. That's it. Now just hand over the tooth. Nice and easy. Let it go. Let it go. I said let it go. Very good. You have a good night, sir. Hey. Who are you? I'm the Tooth Fairy. Oh, yeah. (SCREAMS / SMASHING) Alright, Mick, how's life at Lansing so far for you? It's been good. I'm the new blood of the team. Some of these Wolves are getting a little bit long in the tooth. When you say "long in the tooth" that would be a veiled reference at Derek Thompson, the Tooth Fairy. It's not a rivalry. I respect my elders. Has Thompson taken you under his wing? His wings are tattered. My wings are brand new and ready to fly. I like to do my own thing. A confident young hockey player. Good luck this afternoon. (COMMENTATOR) The Ice Wolves dump the puck in the New Haven zone. Mick, get ready. Finally. Good luck out there, buddy. OK. I mean it. I think you're gonna do great cos you're the bestest hockey player ever. Whatever. Change, change, change! Yeah. Donnelly jumps into the play and takes a cross ice pass. The Ice Wolves charge across the boom line. They're in front of the net now as these two rivals start to get a little feisty with each other. Oh, yeah. (LAUGHS) Here we go. Here we go. Puck goes into the corner where Neville chases it down. What's the matter? What's up with Donnelly? Donnelly, get in there. The puck squirts loose and Donnelly picks it up and skates to the point, looking to set up a flank. (DEREK) Hi. Oh! He takes a terrible fall. What happened there? Who hit him? Did someone hit him? Know who hit him? What is going on? (LAUGHS) What is he doing? Stop it. Is he laughing? Donnelly, are you OK? (BARKS) What? Are you trying to test me? Get off the ice! You want to play games, head to the day-care centre. Get out of here right now. Move it! So, what did I miss? (BARKS) Why you bark? (PANTS) I'm not gonna be ready. I'll get up there and blow. You'll be fine, just keep practising. Everyone's going to laugh at me. I shouldn't do this. Maybe they will. Or maybe you'll blow the roof off the place. You're good. But you're not going to find out if you quit. You can't score if you don't take the shot. Yeah? When was the last time you took a shot? Listen, when I first started I was a scorer. First round pick of the Devils, playing in the bigs. So what happened? I busted my shoulder in Chicago. They sent me down to the minors to recover and it took forever. I got so frustrated. One night I got into it with some meathead from New Haven. I knocked out a couple of his teeth, the crowd went crazy and they started calling me the Tooth Fairy. It stuck. I haven't scored in years. But I've got more penalty minutes than anyone else in the league, yeah. But isn't your shoulder all healed now? It's just not the same. But how do you know? You don't even try. You can't score if you don't take the shot. I tell you what. I will if you will. OK. I'll take that deal. And another tooth. Hey. That must be good, that moment. When you hand over the tooth. Not that I'm interested. Just wondering how it felt. Why don't you find out yourself? We've been through this, I'm not a winged fairy. Explain. Why can't you have wings? Do you know nothing about fairy evolution? Fairy evolution? Who wrote that, Charles Darwing? Inspired, brilliant. According to fairy evolution, some can grew wings and some can't. I'm one of the unlucky ones. You don't have to have wings to be a Tooth Fairy. Remember, you've got all of this. That is true. You've got to show them your strength. Speed, agility, flexibility. And how am I going to do that? (BLOWS WHISTLE) Around the cones, around the cones. Quick feet, quick feet. (BLOWS WHISTLE) No, come back, come back! Where are you going? Look at the size of it. It's 3ft high, you're 8ft tall. Go back. A dinosaur! It's not. Come on. Over the fence. I'm alright, I'm OK. I'm OK. You OK? No. (SCREAMS) Why did you hit the kid? They've got matching robes, it's my worst nightmare. Don't drop me. I got it, I got it. I'm there. (YELLS) (BLOWS WHISTLE) You look like a beautiful reindeer with your legs. You're prancing. Not on the kid. On yourself. Amnesia dust. Amnesia dust. Yeah! You sound great. You're going to kill them tomorrow night. So, what do you think? Wow, nice. That is big time. Randy Harris. Talent Show. I like that slot, too. You think I can be a famous rock star? Like Clapton or Hendrix or Stevie Ray Vaughan? You want it straight? Yeah. You're getting pretty good, right? So let's say you keep working at it really hard. Then let's say you become the best 13-year-old guitarist in your neighbourhood. Here's the deal. You've got to remember there are a lot of neighbourhoods and a lot of 13-year-old guitarists. But somewhere there's a 12-year-old who's killing that guitar. You know what? Yeah, it's possible. Cool. Go get 'em. (COMMENTATOR) Late in the third period the Ice Wolves are down 4-3 to the Arrows. Donnelly's getting a breather but having another great game. The Arrows' leading scorer takes the pass and is on the move. Mickey, your line's up. Alright, old man. Got a fresh pair of Depends on? You never know, kid. Just might surprise you. The Wolves dump the puck into the Arrows' zone and change lines on the fly. Coach throws Donnelly back in the game. Now he's got the puck and is crossing the blue line. Change, change. Here comes Thompson off the bench replacing Gough. (BOTH) Oh! Thompson knocks Crossling flat on his back and kicks the puck to the neutral zone where Browning picks it up. Thompson jumps back into play as Donnelly weaves around Crossling. Now Thompson takes a pass on the stick as Donnelly flashes into play. It's a two-on-one with Thompson of all people leading the rush. You can see Donnelly screaming for the puck but Thompson won't give it up. Pass it, pass it. (CROWD CHANTS) Mick the Stick. Thompson looks to pass. No! He beats the pass. He's got the top shelf wide open. Mickey's open, pass it! Pass! No! (COMMENTATOR) What a hit on Thompson. What is he thinking? The Arrows have numbers coming up the ice. They shoot, they score. Jim, it looked like Thompson was actually going to shoot and he just choked. You're not a hockey player, you're a sideshow attraction. You know what, why don't you watch tomorrow's game from the bench? You bum. Come on, boys, here we go. Oh, great(!) (THEY LAUGH) Hey, honey. How was your game? Not good. Guess what? I have another loose tooth. Good for you, honey. What's the matter, hon? Everything. Nothing, forget it. Can we go practise now? Can we skip today's session? I don't have it in me. The talent show's tomorrow. You'll be fine. I need another run through. No, you don't. No, I do need it. I just need a little more practice - Hey, hey! It doesn't matter what you do in the talent show. You'll never be a rock star. You'll just be a kid with a guitar. Do yourself a favour and give it up. Derek! I'm sorry, it's for his own good. Trust me. No! Come on, Tess. What is wrong with you? I had a bad day. You had a bad day? I had a bad day, OK? No, that is not OK. You are never going to speak to my children again. We are done. Carly. You know what your problem is? You can't say "what if". And you never will. OK. OK. (DOORBELL RINGS SEVERAL TIMES) OK, OK. Alright. Who wants to hear some good news? "I do." Come on. Why are you here? Lily gave me this. It's only a permit, but I'm on the way. You should be on your way out of my place. It's all thanks to you. We've got to celebrate. I know where the hot fairy godmothers hang out. Are you out of your mind? I just lost everything that's important to me. My girlfriend, those kids. And I probably hung up my skates for good. All because I bought into your Tooth Fairy garbage. And look where it's gotten me. You make one effort after all these years and it doesn't work out and you're going to give up? It's not supposed to be that easy. And you know it. I'll tell you what I do know. I know that you don't have wings. So that means you can't fly. That also means that you can never ever ever be a Tooth Fairy. What happens if you try to escape out of a ten-storey building? I'll tell you what happens. Splat. Just like that. You know what's really sad? The person you hurt the most with all your dream killing is not Randy or Carly or even me. It's you. Get out. Fine. Good. Fine. I'm going to bed. 1:24 left in the third period, with the Ice Wolves still trailing 1-0. Derek Thompson is still completely in the coach's dog house. I don't think he's seen a second of ice time the whole game. As he has all game, Andreas Petrenko, the mute brute, continues to replace Thompson on the first line. Face off won by the blubber man. What a hit! Donnelly steals the puck. Rushing up the ice short-handed. Only Coletta can get back. Let's go, Mick. This is classic, Jim. Every move Donnelly makes, Coletta's got an answer. Donnelly shoots to his left. He's got Coletta out of position and Donnelly moves around. He's got defence free, he shoots. Oh! Hits the crossbar! What happened? He blew the whistle. Back behind the play, Petrenko got sucker punched and I don't think he's getting up. Thompson. Go. Go! Alright, here we go. The Ice Wolves have less than a minute to score and send this game into overtime. On the face off it's Classford with the puck. They start their drive as the clock winds down. I don't know, it looks like Thompson is going through the motions. Thompson just got levelled. How could that not be a penalty? He just got crushed. I think the Tooth Fairy just got a taste of his own medicine. (ALL SOUND FADES OUT) Look at Thompson, Jim. Looks like he's got some jump back in those legs. Thompson's rushing across the ice and it's not to make friends. This is going to hurt. No, he pulled up. He didn't throw a check, incredible! He steals the puck and is barrelling down the ice. Look at him go. Ellis can't keep up with Thompson. He's making moves we haven't seen in a long time. Who is that guy? Thompson only has one defender to beat. He takes a stick to the face. I think he's going down. No, he stays on his feet. He's going to shoot. He shoots. He scores! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) I got it! Derek Thompson has not taken a shot in nine years and one of the most amazing shots I've ever seen and ties it up at 1-1. Call me the mayor of Shocksville, let's do it again. (DONNELLY) Hey, old man. Not bad. (PLAYERS) Nice shot, dude. Way to go. (COMMENTATOR) And here we go. We're under 20 seconds as both teams head to the centre line for a face off. Oh, no. (WHISTLE BLOWS) The Ice Wolves win the draw. Here's a cross ice pass to Thompson who ices it. Why would he do that? I have no idea. I can't leave now. This is my last chance to actually play the game, to go out the way I came in. I could cover for you. After what I've seen you deserve it. What are you doing? Who's he talking to? But aren't you just a trainee? Isn't that breaking the rules? I've learnt from the best. But I do think you should look at the address before you decide. It's Carly's house. < Hey, 14, come on, let's go. Thompson, get back in the game. I can go. Lily does not have to know. But I'll know. This is my house to take care of. Let's do this. How? You can't fly. Good time to learn. I knew you had it in you. Go get 'em. # 'You want to fly, you've got to believe.' (UPLIFTING MUSIC) No need to panic, it's just a giant amnesia gun. It's painless. You won't remember a thing. # Don't you forget about me # You will. Psst. Tess. Derek. Hi, honey. Hi, Derek. I like your costume. I have to tell you something. I was wrong. The Tooth Fairy is real. And it's me. I know. No, honey, I'm not talking about the hockey Tooth Fairy. I'm the real Tooth Fairy. No, you're not. You are the real Tooth Fairy. It will just be our secret, OK? OK. Wow. Randy. What are you doing here? I have to talk to you. Go away. Listen. Those things I said yesterday, I was wrong. I don't care. You got to keep playing guitar. You're really good. And nothing you love doing that much could ever be a waste of time. I'm so sorry. Even if I wanted to, I can't. I smashed my guitar, remember? Tonight's the talent show. Hold on one second. Maybe this will help. Whoa. It's awesome. How did you do that? All-purpose magic generator. What are you wearing? You'll find out. In the meantime, put some clothes on, we can still make the talent show. Come on. Derek? Mommy, Derek is the Tooth Fairy. You've rented a fairy costume to make it up to Tess. Yes. That's what I did. Mom, Derek got me a new guitar and he's taking me to the talent show. What time is it? You'll never make it. It's - Don't worry, we can make it. You, that way, you go and get dressed and we'll see you over there. Oh, yeah. Where's your car? No car, let's go. (SCREAMS) Hang on. How is this happening? It's OK. Yeah, but how is it possible? It all started one night I got a summons underneath my pillow. What is a summons? It's like an invitation to go to Fairyland. Fairyland? It's where I got these cool wings. I met a guy up there named Tracy. He looks like a walking tooth pick with the eyes of a big tuna. By the way, I can shrink myself down to six inches. Pretty good. What? I'm sorry, buddy. I've already broken enough rules. There you are. We've been looking for you. You're coming up. Get in there and tune up. (CLEARS THROAT) Another tooth. Thank you. I've got a concert I got to get to. No. You skirted quite a few rules tonight. But I took care of Carly. I dusted Randy. And Tess, she's only six, so she'll forget. Even if she doesn't, at least now she'll... she'll always... Always what? She will always believe. Like I will. I get it. Dreams are good. For everyone. Mr Thompson. I hereby relieve you of Tooth Fairy duty. (LAUGHS) You're good. She's a pro. Congratulations. Put that away. I tend not to do the whole physical contact thing. You like me, I know you like me. You do the distant administrator demeanour thing, which I understand, but somewhere in there you like me. Let's not get frisky. I really got to go. Could you wait just one second? Tracy, I need another word with you. What's this about? Anybody that can rehabilitate Mr Thompson more than deserves these. Are these... It's your wings, Tracy. Wear them with pride every time you collect a new tooth. (LAUGHS) You're a Tooth Fairy! I got my wings. You got your wings. Here, you need this. (HIGH-PITCHED) I don't know why I'm speaking like this. No? Thank you, my lady. Listen, this is all great and I'm very proud of you. You are the tallest Tooth Fairy in the world, but I got to go. Tracy, would you like to do the honours or shall I? So honours - Oh, a gift? Yeah. Afraid not. You're not gonna remember anything that happened in Fairyland. Why? Because that's just the way we do it. I'll never forget you. I can't believe you showed up at the rink. It's just the way we do things. Thank you, Tracy. For everything. You big four-eyed giraffe. Back to the zoo. Oh, and you get that head back to Easter Island. Hammer Brothers are still in town. Let me meet those guys. You're my man. And you are my fairy. We could stay in touch? E-mail? We should be able to e-mail. Do you blog? I do blog. I'd love to read it. Want to read my blog? Do you Facebook? I could poke you. I'd love to be poked. (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS) Oh, there you are. I couldn't find you. Yeah, I was just... I am so excited. Me too. Thank you. You're welcome. Hi, honey. Hi, Derek. (SONG FINISHES / APPLAUSE) Good job, Tommy. Keep it going for our last performer of the night, Randy Harris. Randy! (PLAYS GUITAR) Go, Randy! (RHYTHMIC APPLAUSE) (BAND JOINS IN) Whoo! Way to go, Randy! Nice job! Yay, Randy! That's my kid! I was just wondering. What if we got married? Huh? What if we got married? See what I said? I said "what if." Yes. We're getting married. Yeah! Whoo! (DANCE MUSIC) (COMMENTATOR) Good evening, everybody. Welcome to Staples Center, the home of your Los Angeles games. Let's introduce tonight's starting line-up. At right wing, number 13, John Sumner. > (JERRY) Dude, dude. Hey! Big daddy. Just want to shake your hand. I don't want anything. Excited to see you back in the NHL where you belong. Look at you now. Do I know you? No. I'm just excited to see you because I believe in you. I believe in you, big daddy. I believe in you, Derek Thompson. In goal, number 32, Jonathan Quick. And starting at left wing, number 40, Derek Thompson. Yes! Got you a few of your favourite things. Thank you. It's not every day the boss asks me to go off campus. It was about time I got you out of that basement. Did you see him? Yeah, we're fine. I miss him. Yes! Knock him on his bum! It's like a whole new you. I don't know why you like this. You can't see the ball. It's called a puck. But you can't even see it. Something that small moving that fast, it would be better to get closer. You know what I mean? Jerry? I'm going to do it. No, you're not. I'm gonna do it. No! I've got to do it. I've got to do this. OK, I'm not going to do it. I'm just kidding. I've got to do it. This is gonna be cool. I love my job! Huh? (KLAXON) Wow! That was a rush. (DANCE MUSIC) (UPLIFTING MUSIC) (LILY) Thank you. (TRACY, HIGH-PITCHED) I don't know why I'm speaking like this. (BARKS) (MEOWS) (DEREK, HIGH-PITCHED) Kitty be gone! (KLAXON) (DEREK) I hate this job. (DEREK YELLS) (BARKS) (TRACY) Good luck finding your cars. (SNORES) (DEREK) My wing, my wing! (DUCKS QUACK) (JERRY) Fairy coming through. (DEREK) Ow. (RANDY'S GUITAR / APPLAUSE) (BOTH YELL) IMS Subtitles www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2018 (FAN) I got the tooth. I got the tooth, baby! Yeah!