# Barefoot Bandits, yeah. # Barefoot Bandits, yeah! # Argh. EERIE MUSIC Well, well, well, it seems I have Wahine Troubles right where I want her. What? Get off the grass, mate. I've got you right where I want. Yeah, you wish. I'm the one with the neato zappy sword. Oh, whoop-de-doo. Check this out. WEAPON WHIRRS Oh. Uh, well, I guess we're doing this, then. (LAUGHS) Bring it on, Pinkie. Oh, I will. I'll bring it real` (GRUNTS) And now the Pink Menace is the Pink Munted. (CHUCKLES) Oi, Tumeke! What are you doing, man? Saving a lovely lady, au. I don't need your help. Jeez, man, how many times do I have to tell you that? I don't know how many times. Is it seven? (GROANS) You never listen. Care to take the Orange Roughy here for a cruise around Nebula 23? She's rough as guts, but she's (SIGHS) got it where it counts. Uh, I am fine, thank you very much. You can cruise in that flying heap of... inorganic rubbish by yourself. What if I told you we set this big-as bomb and this place is about to explode? (CHUCKLES) We did, eh, JNR? We did, boss. See? We did. Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Did you? Oh, well, nah, I'm all good, eh. Ka kite. DING! Oh choice, jet boots. Flash as. Laters, Pink Munted. GROANS: No, it's the Pink Menace. Ow. (GRUNTS) HEROIC MUSIC ALL GASP I want a Wahine Troubles costume and that rad holo-shield. Zing! Oh man! The Orange Roughy is the coolest car in the universe! We should totally build our own one day. It's more of a spaceship, actually, but, yeah, we should make one. That would be awesome. So,... should we watch another episode? Nah. Mum took Blitzen to the vet today. I promised I'd take him for a run when he got home. Ugh, a run? Well, (CHUCKLES) a really slow walk, but he loves it. I'll catch you fullas tomorrow. Blitzen, where are you, boy? (WHISTLES) Blitz! SAD MUSIC Oh, Jack. (SNIFFS) Hey, Mum. Have you seen Blitzen? (SNIFFS) Oh. Mum, Dad, what's going on? Oh, sweetie. Son, did you know we got Blitzen almost 10 years before you were born? When your dad and I first moved in together, he was the first thing we bought. (CHUCKLES) We had a dog even before we had a couch. (CHUCKLES) Well` Well, he must be pretty old, then. He is. He was. SAD MUSIC Sweetheart, during Blitzen's check-up,... he went into a very deep sleep. (CHUCKLES) Stupid sleepy dog. He didn't wake up this time, sweetie. What do you mean he` he didn't wake up? He had a good long life, a good home and a little boy who loved him very much. He lived the life every dog wishes for. No, no. He can't be dead. I promised him I would take him for a walk. (SIGHS) I promised him! (SOBS) DOOR CLOSES > (SNIFFS) Oh, Jack. He'll be OK. He just needs some time to think. GENTLE MUSIC (CRIES) (SNIFFS) NOSTALGIC MUSIC MUSIC CONTINUES MUSIC SWELLS MUSIC CONTINUES MUSIC SLOWS MUSIC FADES KNOCK AT DOOR Sweetie? Sweetie. Your friends are here to see you. I'm so sorry to hear about Blitzen, Tane. I brought you some flowers. They're like the ones that he used to dig up in Mr Gobb's garden. (CHUCKLES) I'm sorry too, Tane, and I also brought you flours. One of them's self-raising. It doesn't require baking powder. It makes for a nice scone. (SIGHS) Thanks, guys. Did you wanna come out and play today? I dunno. We could go on an adventure, one that involves a certain amount of danger, you know, the ones I prefer we don't go on. You love those. We found the entrance to an abandoned mine. (GASPS) How awesome does that sound? Come on, mate. In honour of Blitzen, a nice crazy adventure. What do you say? (SNIFFS) All right. (SNIFFS, SIGHS) For Blitzen. (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) Actually, maybe we could just honour Blitzen by fishing off the rocks or... Fridge. OK. Let's all go into the scary mine. Oh man, I think I can see a rickety old mine cart. Score! SINGSONGY: Hold on, boys. CART CLICKS See, a nice gentle ride. Oh, look, a downy bit. ALL SHOUT Yee-ha! Whoo! SCARY MUSIC ALL SCREAM ALL GRUNT Oh. Argh, owie. (GRUNTS) WATER DRIPS That was... awesome. No, it wasn't. We have to walk back all that way when it's time to go home. It's all uphill, Riley. Uphill. (YELPS) What is that? (GASPS) Look at it. It's gonna be a precious gem of some kind. (GURGLES) DING! DING! Good density. This could be worth something. There's more over there. BEEPING (HUMS) # Getting the glorbs. (HUMS) # Getting glorbs. Collecting glorbs. (HUMS) # Here's another glorb. (HUMS) Here's a very nice glorb. (HUMS) Several glorbs. # TRAIN TOOTS Toot-toot! Was that a real thing? Did I`? Am I...? I'm not out of my mind at the moment, am I? (GASPS) We should hang out with him. (HUMS) (GASPS) Hi. (GASPS) Who are you? Don't be frightened. We're friendly. (GASPS, SIGHS) This place is not for you. How did you get down here? She broke in. Hey. That is quite reckless behaviour. And be warned, take heed ` it's quite a tiring walk back up to the surface. Thank you. That's what I said. Oh. Well, you didn't ask, but my name's Riley. This is Fridge and Tane. And we are children from the surface. Greetings, surface children. My name is Milford, but you must leave now. If the others see you, they'll be quite distracted. Distraction is our enemy. Others? Yes! Can we please see them? It would mean a lot. This adventure's in memory of a special friend. He was the best. WATER DRIPS All right, but just the briefest of glimpses, then (WHISPERS) you must go! DRAMATIC MUSIC (GASPS) This place is awesome! This is the central business district. There's no one here. Where is everybody? Well, making this glorbs takes immense concentration. All business must be conducted in private. Every glorb is produced in sanitary conditions behind closed doors. Making glorbs is our jorbs. Oh, so all you do is work? Yes. Master Jimimothy says glorb production is the essence of life; we must never stop. How much do you reckon these are worth? Not because I've put some in my pocket. Just out of curiosity, really. Hmm. OFF-KEY TRUMPET MUSIC PLAYS Oh, Master Jimimothy! He's coming! He must not see you. (GASPS) He must not see I'm not collecting stray glorbs. Quick! Uh, blend in. OFF-KEY TRUMPET MUSIC PLAYS So he's literally blowing his own trumpet. Yes, he's a marvellous trumpeter. (CLEARS THROAT) Glorbs are our business, and business is good. TRIUMPHANT MUSIC MUSIC SWELLS (SQUEAKS) Oi, you down there! Uh` Uh, yeah? Uh, hello? What is your name? Uh, Chrichard. Uh, Richard? No, no, Chrichard. Oh, well, yes, that makes more sense. So, Chrichard, where do you think you're going? Uh, I thought maybe I could take a quick break. I'm just feeling a little drained. Oh, is that right? (LAUGHS) OK, remind` remind me again. Um, what happens if we stop making glorbs, Chrichard? Uh, it's, um, an unknown horribleness will befall us. Befall us, oh yes. You don't want that, do you, Chrichard? Um, no, I don't want that. No, you don't. Goody-good. Well, then chop-chop, back to business. (SIGHS, SQUEAKS) That's the spirit. That Jimimothy seems like a real dingus. How dare you. He's a bit of a dingus, but he knows best. Does he? I mean, what are you even making all these glorbs for? We're not here to question. We are here to obey. (WHISPERS) Now keep your voices to a strained whisper! He'll hear you! I can hear you. WHISPERS: I think he heard us. Stay right there. (GRUNTS, SQUEAKS) Who dares disturb me with a strained whisper? Which door? Which door is it? Oh, right. I` Which`? Is there an escalator? Someone help. Someone call out and I'll follow your voice. Is it this door? No, no, hang on. I've got it. (SQUEAKS) Well, well, well. KIDS GASP What have you brought into our place of business, Milford? I haven't been stealing any glorbs, sir. Oh! It talks! I thought that` I thought that was an old sponge. Multiple apologies, Master Jimimothy. These, uh, weirdoes are curious children from the surface. Oh, what a treat! Oh, you don't mind? Milfit. (CHUCKLES) Of course I mind. That was hilarious sarcasm. I'm super great at it. Fantastic sarcasm, sir, and I mean` I mean that. So, yeah, the bad news is ` it looks like you've lost your train-driving privileges. It's not his fault. We just wanted to see your amazing home. (GASPS) Oh, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you say so? Come in. Look around. Put your feet on things. Steal all the glorbs you want. Please be my guest. Wow, he is great at sarcasm. Super great. You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Guards! BOTH SQUEAK Restrain the` Wait, how did you two get up here so quickly? Uh, there's a service entrance right beside your throne. Get out of town. Really? Yeah, it's very handy. Right, well, noted! Now, guards, restrain these children! GUARDS SQUEAK EERIE MUSIC (SIGHS) All right. I think we're all sorted. So if you want to get out, you can't. If you scream for help, no one will hear you. And breakfast is at 7. Uh, we do a lovely continental breakfast. The muesli is to die for. GUARDS SQUEAK Good one, Riley (!) You've led us to the deepest depths of Ngaro, got us thrown in the dungeon and to top it off, they're not even serving a hot breakfast! Did you hear them, Riley? A muesli! They're going to torture us! (WAILS) Calm down, bro. I'm sorry, Tane. I thought maybe an adventure would be the best way to cheer you up. (SIGHS) It's all right, Riley. I'm sure we'll get out of this eventually. Eventually? Tane doesn't use words like 'eventually'. He uses words like 'we've got this' and 'fast as'. Oh, we're doomed! Oh, we're doomed! CREAKING Knock-knock. I'm so sorry, children. I` I tried to warn you. There's a system here. Streamlined output is the key to a good solid business. Outside interference only clogs up the works. But it seems like you guys are Master Jimimothy's prisoners. You have to let us help you. WHISPERS: You can't say that. Besides, you can't help us. If we stop making glorbs, an unknown` ...horribleness will befall you all. Yeah, yeah, we heard. Yeah. But I don't know how working non-stop will change that. Yeah, where do the glorbs even go? Well, they go to... Oh, you know what? I don't know. How long do you have to keep working? Our entire lifespan. Four months. Wait, you only live for four months? Oh, y` yes, but don't worry. It seems much longer. We're born, we work tirelessly, and then we die, leaving a better world for the next generations to work tirelessly, and it's` it's really well thought out. Bro, that's no way to live. Life is about family and friends and fun. Hmm, that sounds far-fetched. Nah, it's real as. You let us out of here, and we'll figure out what that Jimimothy fulla is up to. Yes, there's the Tane we know and love. I'm sorry, I can't let you out. I don't have the keys, and those bars are made out of impenetrable liquorice. There's gotta be some way out of the` Wait, did you just say liquorice? Yes. Yes, you know, like the saying 'as strong as liquorice'. Not a saying. Fridge, eat us out of here. I've waited to hear those words all my life! (GRUNTS) Too much liquorice can have a laxative effect, right? That's nothing he hasn't dealt with before. (BABBLES) 'you can save.' # "Whole World" by Gabe Simon need to go.' FATHER: 'When she saw her favorite animals' '- all in real life-' 'her face just lit up.' 'And when I saw that? Well, mine did too.' NARRATOR: 'When you book a flight with Expedia,' 'and add a hotel or activity,' 'you can save.' 'Everything you need to go.' 'EXPEDIA.' MAJESTIC MUSIC So, all the glorbs you fullas make go directly into this pool? But where do they go from here? This I do not know. But we have to be quiet. If Master Jimimothy catches me with you again, he'll put me in the dungeon and throw away the liquorice key. We could buy a city with all this treasure. Careful, bro. I want to swim in the riches. (GRUNTS) Ooh. (GRUNTS SOFTLY) (HUMS, FARTS) Fridge, what are you doing? Backstroke. It's a swimming style. Get out of there, bro! Please, your mouths are like airhorns. Master Jimimothy will hear you. Uh, oh, guys? I think I'm sinking! Just swim! You were doing it before. I can't! I did it without thinking before. Now I'm sinking heaps! Master Jimimothy says thinking is for dum-dum poo-poo dummies, so I avoid it. (GASPS, WHIMPERS) Quick, we need something for him to grab on to. > Hey, guys. Uh, I have a liquorice rope you can use. OK, what's with you lot and liquorice? That'll do. Cheers, ears! (GASPS, PANTS) (GRUNTS) Hold on tight, bro. (WHIMPERS) Hey, hey! What on earth is going on here? I'm drowning in riches! Gah! That orange cloud of a child is stealing my glorbs! Fridge, hurry! You have to pull yourself up! DRAIN GURGLES Argh! No! (SHOUTS) Fridge! I'm coming, bro! (GRUNTS) Whoa! Whoop. (GRUNTS) Whoo-hoo! Oh, this seems so reckless. Oh. (SQUEAKS) Argh, ooh. Here I go. Oh. Whoa! No, no, this can't be! They'll find my secret! What's the secret? Mind your own business, Chrichard. No, mind yours. (GRUNTS, SHOUTS) DRAMATIC MUSIC Yeah-hoo! (LAUGHS, CHEERS) Ooh, ooh! Bro, I thought we lost you. Bro? It's magnificent. KIDS: Whoa! HEAVENLY MUSIC What is this place? I, uh` I don't know. MYSTERIOUS MUSIC Oh, no! You mustn't see my glorbtopia. Stop looking! Oh, this is what you've been using all those glorbs for? Yes. I built this myself, a sanctuary where one can appreciate the results of all our hard work. I built this for everyone, but I feared it being blemished, you know, so, yeah, is it selfish to sanctify and preserve our heritage? Is it? If it means tricking others into working their entire lives so only you can enjoy the rewards, yes, I think that` I think that's quite selfish, yes. It sounds bad when you say it like that. Well, why would you want to keep a place like this all to yourself? Wouldn't it be way more fun with friends? I` I don't have any friends. Everyone's always working. Oh yeah, I see` see the irony there. (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) But` But` But you must see this is my` my special place. Bro, that won't change. It'll always be special to you. I know it can be hard, but sometimes accepting change and... and letting something go can make you happy as. GENTLE MUSIC THEME MUSIC From this day forth, the unknown horribleness is no more! ALL GASP Doing business will be nothing more than a moment for relaxation. I now declare Glorbtopia open to each and every glow-worm, no matter how lame they may be. GLOW-WORMS CHEER Hold on. What's Glorbtopia? Come on, he needs to explain properly. Wait, so you guys are glow-worms? Indeed. Look at my bum. Oh, just once can it be subterranean aliens? Of course! TOILET FLUSHES That's how you produce these glowing glorbs. (LAUGHS) It all makes sense now. (GASPS) Well, making these glorbs takes immense concentration. Glorbs are our business, and business is good. Streamlined output is the key to a good solid business. Always wash your hands after glorbing. Glorbs are poos! Well, you don't need to be so crude about it, but, yes, glorbs are our business. Isn't it wonderful? Oh, I put them in my mouth. (GROANS) I've still got some in my pocket. And you did backstroke in them, remember? (GROANS) BOTH LAUGH Oh, all right. Let's get home, eh? THEME MUSIC That was a pretty sweet adventure, guys. (SNIFFS) I reckon Blitzen would have liked that. He was a pretty cool dog, Tane. Yeah, he was, eh? He might have been old and grumpy at the end, but he had a pretty awesome life. He didn't waste a single day. (CHUCKLES) I'll miss him so much, but he was special to me, and that'll never change, and that makes me feel pretty choice. Well said, son. STOMACH RUMBLES (GROANS) That was beautiful, Tane. Are you OK, Fridge? (SIGHS, GROANS) STOMACH RUMBLES BOTH: Ha, too much liquorice. (LAUGHS) If you'll all excuse me, I need to use the little boys' room. It's business time! (FARTS, CHUCKLES) THEME MUSIC Captions by Pippa Jefferies. www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2016