The Hollywood career goes like this ` 'That Once Were Warriors guy, Temuera Morrison, what a fantastic, powerful movie. 'Get me Temuera Morrison.' Then, after a few years, 'Get me someone like Temuera Morrison. He's too busy. He's doing other stuff. 'I want someone like Temuera Morrison.' Then, after another few months, it's, 'Who the <BLEEP> is Temuera Morrison?' And that's how Hollywood works. (LAUGHS) # Nobody's callin' on the telephone. # This is a story about me, Temuera Morrison ` Jake the Muss; Jango Fett from Star Wars; Abin Sur, Green Lantern. I was on every casting agent's speed dial. I had it all ` the cars, the homes, living the Hollywood high life, and then suddenly the phones stopped ringing. The recession hit, and now I'm out of work and running out of time. This is six months of my life as I aim to get my career and life back on track. # Happy birthday to me. # Happy birthday to me. # Oh, hello, darling. Give me a kissy. It's Papa's birthday. How's my beautiful girl, huh? Come sit down. You want your toast? Huh? Toast? James! Man, that fella can sleep. 'I'm very blessed. I have two beautiful children from different mothers. 'Aiorangi, she's my 8-year-old, and, uh, James is 21.' Happy birthday, Dad. Happy birthday, Dad. Thank you, son. What's for breakfast? Where's my Nutella? Where's my breakfast? It's my birthday. You supposed to be up cooking me some eggs. You supposed to be up cooking me some eggs. Where's Papa's breakfast in bed? Where's my eggs? (LAUGHS) Where's Papa's eggs? 'To be quite honest, James sort of brought himself up.' One minute he was 1, then he was 5, and now he's 21. And he kinda brought himself up. I think my mum would disagree with that, but... 53. Oh my God. I'm in the second half. I'm at the halfway mark. You know when you have a game of rugby? I'm right on half-time. I'm having an orange break. Half-time ` what does that mean? Gonna live to 106? Gonna live to 106? That's right. Every time I meet someone, the first question is, 'What's your name?' And then the second question is 'Are you gonna be an actor?' It's, like, straight away. And I'm kinda like` I always go, Nah. Nah. I'm not interested in being` I'm shy, you know. And Aio's gonna go back home. We're going to miss you. Cos you gotta go back to school. 'I have Aio on most holidays now. She lives with her mum in Wellington.' Wanna stay with Papa? 'I can have her when she turns 18, so her mother said.' So she's, uh, 8 now. So I gotta wait 10 more years. I'm 53, so I gotta wait till I'm 63. So, from now till then, I'm going to the gym every day to make sure I'm alive when I get her. (LAUGHS) HIP-HOP MUSIC MAN: Hello? MAN: Hello? Joseph Rice. Happy new year. Happy new year to you too my friend. How are ya? Happy new year to you too my friend. How are ya? And happy birthday to me too. When's your birthday? When's your birthday? Today. No! No! Yeah. 53. 53. Are you feeling young? Are you feeling young? I'm feeling I'm on the halfway mark. Yeah, halfway's good. We've had a good first half, haven't we? Yes, I guess we have. That's why I'm ringing. (LAUGHS) What are we gonna do the second half? How's the second half looking? Do I need to get back to Hollywood? I used to watch videos. Watch De Niro. Watch Clint Eastwood. I said, 'I can do that. I can do that. I'll give it a go.' What's happening up there? Have they forgotten about me? Have they forgotten I'm the best actor in the world? No, we haven't forgotten. We're trying to set up a meeting for you. If you've been reading, JJ Abrams picked up the whole, you know, re` the next two Star Wars. No way. Is JJ Abrams gonna do it? He's gonna direct 'em, yep. For an actor to make a comeback, all you really need is that one movie again. From as soon as you get one movie, everything's fine again. You know what I mean? We think` we're trying to figure out where it's going, but it still feels like the clones are not done yet. The clone might be back again. 'The new Star Wars movie ` I think, if he got that, it'd be a big positive.' There could be space for me. There is a chance that maybe the Maori stormtrooper could be making a comeback. (LAUGHS) Bring it on! HIP-HOP MUSIC Jim, I just wanna say, long long time ago, when I first went to Hollywood, a guy in the restaurant, Harvey, goes, 'Tem, you gotta learn an American accent. 'Tem, it doesn't matter what you do, learn an American accent.' Obviously, Hollywood's tightened up a little bit. I've never been bothered to learn the accent. I feel that's limited my options. This is true` true story. I used to get a phone call ` 'Tem, they want you to, uh, go meet the producers, directors.' I go, 'Do they want an accent?' And they go, 'Yep.' I used to go, 'Send Cliff Curtis. He's good at it.' Yeah, no, I think I just rested on my laurels too much. I thought, well, Sean Connery can play a Russian submarine pilot; he still sounds like a Scotsman to me. And Arnold's playing something. He still sounded like Arnold Schwarzenegger to me. So I thought` I thought every time they wanted an accent,... (RASPY VOICE) I could just talk like this. Get the ball rolling. I need an American accent by next week. Get the ball rolling. I need an American accent by next week. BOTH CHUCKLE It's amazing you've done that well without an American accent, cos you've done a lot of stuff there. In my own accent. It's been doing pretty good. Let's just be positive. It has been pretty good here, and that serves my purpose when I'm from space or something. Have you ever done an American accent, ever? One time I had to do a Mexican accent. Oh, what was that in? Oh, what was that in? Huh? > Which one was that in? I was fired in the first week. BOTH LAUGH Bet you never saw that one. Bet you never saw that one. No, I didn't. I'll try this one. (READS) 'Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to the Serenity Hotel, sir. 'I hope you'll enjoy your stay with us. 'I see we've got you booked in for four days, and you're due to check out in`' Oh. 'And you're due`' Sorry. 'And you're due to check out on the 13th. 'We'll do everything we can to make your stay a pleasant one. Y'all come back now, you hear?' Have you done any voice training as an actor, ever? Like, just voice production? I've only done haka training. I've only done haka training. And you know about the` Yeah, you'd use it a lot in a haka. (LAUGHS) I could run around Hollywood doing the haka. You could give me some haka training after this. I'd kinda like to be good at that. Yeah. How would you say that word for me, OK? Talk. Talk. > Talk. (AMERICAN ACCENT) Talk. Talk. Talk. Yeah. AMERICAN ACCENT: Cash in your catch once you master the casting process. OK. Your. Your. Your. Good. Now, you went 'maaaster'. You suddenly went to England. I suddenly went back to England. A little trip around the world. Every place you see an R, we pronounce it. At the end, beginning and middle of words. You guys only do the beginning of words, generally. So you gotta get those Rs and make them happen all the time. I don't understand R. Like, when you say R. The letter R. R. Is that right? Yep. R. Always pronounce that letter wherever I see it. Master. Cash in your catch once your master the casting pro-cess. Process. Once you master the casting process. Master. NORMAL VOICE: I should have done this 20 years ago. AMERICAN ACCENT: You can water the horse over there, with good cheer and no fear. OK, that time you missed almost every R. OK, that time you missed almost every R. Hey. Water the horse over there. Horse. Horse. Horse. Horse. Horse. Horse. Horse. Horse. Horse. Horse. Horse. Horse. Horse. Horse. Horse. (LAUGHS) Go water the cat. Maybe I'll just cancel those American accent interviews and just go for those space fullas. 1 Look at all the cockles. There's heaps of them. Here's a big fat one. 'When I saw Tem for the first time, I was 21-22. 'I actually didn't recognise him. I thought he was 35.' It's good to be home. It is, eh? It's good to be home. Mmm. Yum. Look at these. 'It was six months into our relationship. 'I was walking past the kitchen table, and I thought, have a look at the birthdate on the passport. '(GASPS) Oh my gosh. It's a bit late now.' (LAUGHS) I didn't realise that he was a lot older than me. He's very fit. Very fit. Oh, he'd have to be. (LAUGHS) Hello! No. (GIGGLES) No. (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) Ash, she's cool. She's very, uh, lively; got plenty of good energy. We're both Aquarians, so sometimes it's a bit much. We're Aquarians. I think that's how we get along so well. With, uh, all that love stuff, we're still finding our way. Ask me if I would like to be engaged. (GIGGLES) What is love? I think every girl wants` always dreams of having a beautiful wedding and finding their husband that they love and wanna share the rest of their life with and have babies with, and, I guess, ev` I'd be lying if I said I didn't. Ask him that question and let me know the answer. 'Love you.' What a wuss. Who says 'I love you'? But, you know, we're all growing up now. It's OK. I wouldn't have said 'I love you' to anybody 20 years ago. It's just... That means 'I love you'. Eh? That's us. We don't talk lovey-lovey stuff. We're warriors. INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS Thanks for coming all the way from Auckland. What's this? Got you a present. It's a Lotto ticket. Got you a present. It's a Lotto ticket. No way. I need a Lotto. I tell ya ` I got the free Lotto, and I was supposed to win �1 million, but it was all a scam. That's` That's` That's a hoax. That's not real. Yeah, someone told me that and then I just realised it was a hoax. Thank you very much. He got a text. Lots of people get them. Me and Tamara have both got these same texts with the same lottery number. I believed it. I went to the post office. �700, and they were gonna send me �1 million, a cap, a Blackberry and an iMac. A computer. Through text. Through the text. Through the text. You all believed it. He's gone to deposit your fee that you have to deposit to claim into a Western Union account, and it was, like, �800. It was quite a lot. The woman said to him, 'Oh, Mr Morrison, I think you're being scammed.' And it wasn't until then he walked out. He'd parked up outside, and him and Ashlee had already been arguing about what they're gonna do. Me and Tamara get that text every second week. Me and Tamara get that text every second week. I'm a idiot. Oh my God, that's funny. He'd had it all sorted out. He'd planned to have it sent to Nan's house and make sure no one was there when her suitcase was gonna turn up with her �1 million. I'm, like, 'How do you think someone is gonna not just deposit in your bank account?' 'Why would they turn up with cash?' Do you know why I thought it was true? Auntie Sandy had a dream to say, 'Oh, bro. I heard you come into some money and you're carpeting the house.' She had a dream, so I naturally thought, 'This is it!' You thought you were` You thought you were` This is it! He would have greatly benefited from a financial adviser sometime along the line. Oh my Lord. Plus it's been a tough year, so I think I really wanted it to happen. I cried in the truck. Oh my Lord. I'm the biggest idiot. Don't tell anybody. What's the sauce gonna go? What's these pudding plates? I think Tem got into financial difficulty because he had invested in a big lodge ` unfinished lodge; um, taken on a big mortgage. He actually thought that he'll get a couple more Hollywood jobs and then it'll be fine. Because he was actually on a roll. It was after Star Wars, and... blah, blah. And he thought he was on a roll. But then the recession hit, and Hollywood wasn't ringing any more. Thank you, everybody, for coming to my birthday. We've all had a bit of a tough year. In a few weeks' time you're gonna be hearing about this movie, Mt Zion, so it'll be nice for you guys to spread the word. Stan Walker's in it. I'm playing the father, because I'm getting older. And I want someone to take me for a cup of tea later. I think I kinda... running around as if I'm gonna live forever, but now that I've hit my 50s, you know, I'm just starting to really think about it, you know? Happy birthday. Happy birthday. # Happy birthday to you. # Happy birthday to you. # Happy birthday, dear Temuera. # Happy birthday to you. # ALL CHEER I wish for my �1 million... I wish for my �1 million... ALL LAUGH ...from the Nigerian scam artist. Oh, I miss you already. Here we are at the airport. Have you said your goodbyes? No, not yet. I'll see you soon anyway. Big cuddles. OK? Yeah. 'Aiorangi, when I first heard about her, I was, like, "I'm the only child... blah, blah," 'on my dad's side.' You all right? Here. Let me kiss you. I love you. 'But then, as soon as she was born, it was way different. I think of her as my full sister. 'When she says to me, "I'm only your half-sister," 'I forget that we're not even full siblings. Yeah, we've got a good relationship.' I talk to her on the phone every now and then and see her when she comes up, but cos she lives in Wellington, I don't really see her so much. Give me a kiss. Love you. OK. Carry on. I always find it hard when she has to go home. Cos you get used to them being close to you; used to them hanging off your neck and always there, and then you just miss that closeness. But, oh, it's the way life's gone, you know? I'm not like... there's a few of us now ` part-time dad. Unaccompanied minor. There's a few of us that know about that lifestyle. (COUGHS) 1 Where's that policeman? No, no. Won't take long. Quickly. No, no. Won't take long. Quickly. Oh my God, you hori. Quickly get on the plane. James, he's coming to look into Hollywood. It's just all about broadening his horizons. Well, it's good to have a 21-year-old son. Hopefully someone might spot him and go, 'Hey! 'What's your name? James Morrison? You got a famous name, for a start.' He might get spotted and get picked up, then I go, 'Oh. Don't forget your father, son. 'Yep. Yep. I'll take the Lamborghini, OK. You have the Porsche.' (LAUGHS) Sometimes we dream a bit like that, but anyway. It'll be cool to get over there. I haven't been to the States since I was younger. It'll be cool. I think Dad's just trying to get me a bit of exposure to the Hollywood scene and see whether I like it or not, but I don't know. I'll just have to see what happens, I think. # Everybody wanna be famous. Reaching up for the stars. Who can blame us? # # Las Vegas, VIP status. Everybody, everybody wanna be famous. See, now we're in Hollywood. See any of these apartments you'd like to live in? If you wanna come and act up here, this is the kind of apartment you'll start off in. Get an apartment. Sleep on the couch. Pay a little bit of rent. OK, I'm gonna try my American accent out on Joe when I get there. AMERICAN ACCENT: Hey, Joe. Hey, Joe. AMERICAN ACCENT: Hey, Joe. Hey, Joe. Do your Os. Hey, Joe. Hey, Joe. Do your Os. Hey, Joe. Do your Os. Joe. Joe. I'm gonna give him a good laugh, cos every time I try and do an accent, he just cracks up laughing. Now, there's Mulholland. Marlon Brando lived around there. I went to visit Marlon. Not many guys got to Marlon Brando's house. He liked us. We're from NZ. I am better off being in LA, because I am closer to getting a job. Because everything's here. I'm gonna get up to Jerry's office. The agent's gonna be throwing scripts at me. 'Tem, you're in town! Oh my God! At last!' So ring them. No, it'll be the opposite. Yeah, I was gonna say. They'll wonder who the hell I am. # Everybody wanna be famous. Reaching up for the stars. Who can blame us? # Hey. Here to see Joe. Temuera Morrison. How ya doing? Tem Morrison from NZ, Mike. I'll come and say hi later. You all good? That's Mani. Kat. How you doing, darling? You all good? (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) Here he is. Welcome, brother. Welcome, brother. Give us a hug, mate. Give us a hug, brother. Give us a hug, brother. The man. How you doing, brother? How you doing, brother? Welcome to la-la land. Welcome to la-la land. What do you think? > What do you think? > Look at this. Back in town, James. Look at that city out there. Here we are. There you go. Here we are. There you go. Hello, Hollywood. Look at this waka. Look at this. Look at this. That's the wedding waka. Look at this. That's the wedding waka. That's the wedding waka. Yeah, we got married in Rotorua. There it is, right there. Hey, look at this guitar. That's a beautiful-looking guitar. < Look at all these guys. < Look at all these guys. Good view, right? Look. You've got downtown Los Angeles. > That's the Beverly Centre. > And if you look out that way, that's Century City, then Santa Monica, then Malibu's up that way. That's Beverly Hills. Every single house has got a bloody tennis court and a swimming pool. Every single house has got a bloody tennis court and a swimming pool. Tennis courts and pools. So, it's all good? Gabrielle is good? It's all good. You'll take a meeting or two while you're here. You're here till the weekend, right? I'm there for a week. That's what I come up for; see what's happening. A week off down under. I'm going directing. Got a couple of scripts to look at. Otherwise it's heading toward Celebrity Apprentice. (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) Dancing with the Stars. The NZ version of Celebrity Apprentice. That's where I'm heading. He's the Maori Ben Affleck. Look at Ben Affleck. Couldn't get a job; now he's got the best movie out there. What about Ryan Gosling? What's he up to? Yeah, he's doing very well. We don't have to worry about Ryan Gosling. < No way. Ryan Reynolds. Where's Green Lantern 2? I need something. Well, listen, I told you. I think this resurgence` and a buddy of mine represents the guy who's gonna write the next Star Wars movie. And we think it's gotta` gotta have the clones. I mean, it's gotta be in it. Hey. Why aren't they stopping to look at you? You've still gotta do a little leg work yourself. Kia ora. We're off to Vegas, I think. Is Hollywood still a viable place for me? You're not done with Hollywood, but you're gonna have to go to different angles. I might have to play gay roles now? Copyright Able 2015