('MESSAGE SENT' ALERT) (SLOW PIANO MUSIC) ('MESSAGE SENT' ALERT) MAN: All right. Here we go. The beginning. The beginning. (CHUCKLES) Is it all good? Give him rest tonight, Lord God. Comfort, Lord God. Father, I pray you speak to him in his sleep, Lord God. And we thank you, Father in heaven, that you just keep him safe in Jesus' name. Amen. I just have to thank God, every day that I'm alive, you know. It's quite scary. Feels like I'm... dying in a way. This whole hill, we've all been struck by this ugly curse, this ugly gene. I've watched everyone die. I went in for a routine check about two months ago. A week later, I found out I had cancer. Like, I know I'm going to beat this. And nek minnit I die. (LAUGHS) That's not funny, but, you know... LAUGHS: That's so bad. That's bad. I don't want to die. It's just setback after setback. Everything is going wrong. What I'm realizing more now is that the journey is far from over. (SLOW MUSIC CONTINUES) Copyright Able 2018 (CURIOUS ELECTRONIC MUSIC) Far, this looks mean. WOMAN: Yeah, I know. WOMAN 2: There was, like, seafood chowder and shit. I came bloody late. It's my last gig tonight till I don't know when. In five days, I'm getting an operation on my stomach. Are you what? Here and... Aussie? Yeah, yeah. But I'm going to Melbourne for like two, three months, um,... For? ...next week. Oh, I just... I just gotta work on a few projects, yeah. Yeah, I'm getting my whole stomach out, which is, um... I don't know, it's weird. It's weird. It's a little bit exciting, cos I'm going to be skinny for the rest of my life, so, you know what I'm saying? (LAUGHS) But, yeah, nah. Far, that's the last time I'm going to be singing for ages. I know, I know. I was thinking that it's quite a moment. This is gonna be the longest without singing. I said, 'Are you fullas feeling good?!' (CROWD CHEERS) You are feeling good! I'm gonna take you way back to the beginning, where it all began for me. This is the very first single I ever released. # VOCALISES: Yeah. # There's a little black box, yeah, somewhere in the ocean # Holding all the truth about us. # Holding all the truth about us. I started out on a show called Australian Idol in 2009. I won that. Since then, I've done five albums, been in seven films. It's been an incredible journey. It's kinda all at risk now because I have this gene. The doctors insure me that there is no risk, that everything's gonna be good, but I don't know. Like, they've never had singers before. I try not to think about that too much, eh. But at the same time, I do think about it. (CHUCKLES) Oh, I dunno. Man, I love singing to everybody, eh. It's good. Hopefully I haven't disappointed you. Cos, you know, sometimes you go to watch people and you're like, 'They're a bit stink, eh.' (LAUGHS) It's scary. The unknown for anything is scary, especially when it comes to, like,... my voice, my health, my life, you know, so... Nah, it should be all good. This is all good. They'll just take my stomach out. All good. I just realised everybody around here's got cancer. Yeah, me and Stan got a... I can't say he's my favourite or anything like that, you know, but we've got a special relationship, me and Stan. We've gotta remember what questions we're gonna ask them. Oh, I don't even care. Let's just get it over and done with. I've got different relationships with all my kids, you know, and I love them all the same, all equally. Me and Stan are, yeah... we're sort of the same in a lot of things. (LAUGHS) I know I've gotta eat healthy. I'll, uh... Damn straight, man. All the time. We're a lot alike. The biopsies that we did have revealed that these is a small focus of cancer confined to the single layer of the stomach. It looks like it hasn't progressed to anywhere else, which is great, but if we leave this, then it will progress. I went for a routine check about two months ago. A week later, um,... I found out I had cancer. Far out. This is so weird, getting my stomach out. We're particularly interested in people that have got a genetic risk of cancer, and Stan was referred for that, because there was a known family history of stomach cancer. It's a gene that I, um, inherited. (CHUCKLES) I'm like a fifth generation who's got this ` not just the gene, but the cancer as well. Imagine what it would be like if one after another, members of your family were being killed by exactly the same disease. Well, that's how it's been for one Maori family in New Zealand over the last 30 years. About 20 years ago now, my grandfather, my mum's dad, who had the gene, they did a documentary on him on BBC, getting the scope, and before they even knew he had cancer, they found it. Well, we did find something abnormal down in the bottom of the tummy on today's examination. It could be related to, um... Oh, OK. ...to the abnormal gene that` that you carry. They took his stomach out because that's where the cancer was. They didn't connect his oesophagus to his bowel properly, and... he died. I'm the only one with the gene in my family, me and my mum. My dad doesn't have it. They come from the same families, with the same gene. My brothers don't have it; my sister doesn't have it. I was a little bit, like, down, because I was like, 'It's just me and Mum.' But at the same time, I was like, 'Oh, thank you, Jesus.' They don't have to go through the unknown. Cos it's 80% chance if you've got the gene, you can get the cancer. Like, it's quite high. (CHUCKLES) And I got it. You know, my mum got it. End of the day, I'm glad it's me. There's two main cancers that can actually evolve from this condition. The main one is stomach cancer ` a very nasty one. So once it gets hold, it's got a very poor prognosis. I think you got it at the earliest point, and now you can do something about it, which is great. How long do you reckon it'll take to recover? For the first six to 12 months, there is some teething issues about getting used to not having a stomach, and so you will lose weight. Oh, I'm fine with that. Are you? (LAUGHS) I was supposed to be on a diet. I could've already been skinny now. Instead I've been eating takeaways every single day, cos I ain't gonna eat for a while. I'll be on liquids and puree for, like, four to six weeks. So, you know, I'm just bulking. (LAUGHS) In terms of, like, just say I want to get back into performing again? Doing, you know, your sort of work, with singing and all the rest of that, where you need diaphragmatic movements and stuff like that, is a bit of an ask, because your stomach just sits right under the diaphragm there, and so pushing, sort of` When I` When I think about it honestly, like,... if it affects my singing, then, you know, that's where I get, actually, kind of scared. My oesophagus is getting disconnected from my stomach, and it's getting connected to my bowel. Of course, there's gonna be changes. Oesophagus is the throat; that's where everything comes out of. My power is affecting my korokoro ` my throat. Um, yeah, I dunno. Far out, if it changes my voice, oh my gosh, I'm gonna lose it, eh. I wonder if I've gotten too fat for this operation. No, you're fine. Oh! I just want it to hurry up and be over. It'll be done. So, you just have to fast for tomorrow. Well, I'll just have one more feed, and I'll be done. I'm making a chicken loaf tonight. Something good. It is good. My chicken loaf is amazing. Yeah, that's awesome, Mummy, but I want what I want. Yeah, whatever. When you have a bite of it, you'll change your mind. I'll have a chip. My last supper before I go under the needle... under the knife. (LAUGHS) Under the needle! What did you put on it, avocado? Just mayo. Mary Grace, this is the last thing I'm gonna eat, OK. Ooh, Mary, I want those noodles. Can you make us some? That can be arranged. So awesome having a beautiful sister. The hard thing about it now is just, you know, my family. You know, we've just gone through my mum... You know, she's still recovering from breast cancer, and that was a bit of blow to our family, and now me. Oh man, I'm a machine. This can't even fit in my gut, eh. I know that my family won't even talk about it much, or, like, you know, act like nothing's happened; it's all good. But I know that it's hard for them, especially my mum and dad. It looks disgusting, Mum. Mum. What? I have never liked meat loaf, and even though you have changed from beef to chicken, it's still the same, Mum. No, it's not. It is the same. No, it ain't. I don't like it. You are gonna have some, but I didn't cook it for nothing. I don't care. Say grace, baby. Oh, yeah. Thank you, Jesus. Bless this food in Jesus' Maori name. Amen. Amen. WHISPERS: Looks like blimmin' dog food. (CHUCKLES) NORMAL VOICE: Oh, yummy, Mummy. Oh, you're gonna have a good sleep. When? Under anaesthetic, and then when you go for your little walk, go back for another sleep. I'm not gonna get up and try and walk. I'm gonna lay there... and not move. No, you` you got to. No, I don't. Yes, you do, man. He said. It's to help your thing. That's what they did with Dad, though. Did he walk? Yeah, they` they made him, and he was in pain. Oh. Don't tell me that. No, but that was because they opened him right up. Your` Yours` You won't feel the pain, brah. That what he's saying. Yes, I will feel the pain. No, you won't. Mum, he's taking out my stomach and reconnecting stuff. Get off there! Get off. Kotiro! Get off! Oh gosh. It's a bit daunting, that's for sure. Yeah, far out. I'm off to bed. This is the night before the operation. I guess I'm... excited and nervous at the same time. I dunno. Tomorrow's gonna change my life. It's gonna be different. I guess I'll probably get scared when I'm... when I'm just about to get operated on, but... Yeah, it's gonna... it's gonna change everything. (ELECTRONIC MUSIC) Good morning. (CAR ENGINE STARTS) So, it is... 5.45. It's D-day. Getting my operation today. Far out, it's taken long enough to get to this point. Here's Mummy. You can't see her. She's in the dark. Mum, get off your phone, man! I've gotta find the blingin' map! Yeah, just relax. Shouldn't be on your phone, texting and driving, anyway. I'm not texting and driving. Well, you're on your phone. I'm trying to find the blingin'... what-do-you-call-it. Just relax! Shush, man, I am! You know how to get there. No, I don't. Father, we thank you that you have given Stan a voice, Lord God. Father, after today, Lord God, after today, Lord God, things are gonna change, Lord God. Jesus, we thank you for the surgeons that you have put in his way, Lord God. The perfect and professionals, Lord God. Getting every bit of cancer out of Stan's body, Lord God. You chose them for Stan today, Lord God. God, I pray, God, you show him and reveal to him, Lord, what he needs to do next in his life after this operation. In Lord Jesus' mighty, wonderful name we pray. What are you having done today, Stan? Um, getting my stomach out. Mm-hm. I don't know what the actual` Oh, I just want it in your words, just to see if you know what's happening. And... these are the gorgeous underwear. This is my nappy. (LAUGHS) I feel like I'm actually, like, an actual sick person or something's wrong with me. (COUGHS) Well, you know I do have a little bit of cancer in me, but... whatevs. Far out. Let's see how heavy I am. See I knew it. I'm 99 KGs. (SCALE BEEPS) 99.9 KGs. (LAUGHS) Whoa! Far. Yeah, there we go. Look at that. Boom! (LAUGHS) So, you ok? I'm ready to go. I just want it over with. Ready to go, yeah. Afterwards when you wake up, we will get you to HDU today. Just purely because you have, um, intrathecal morphine. Oh, is he putting a needle in me like that? He may. Do I`? Am I gonna feel that? Uh, you shouldn't, but` but to be` (GROANS) No, no, Stan. What happens is he will discuss that option with you. Don't get anxious. It will be fine. Um, very good. All right, I'll see you next` soon, OK? Gosh. This is my grandfather here. He had the gene, he had the cancer, and he died from the operation. Last night was the first time I got, like, emotional. It's because, oh my gosh, I'm getting the same operation that my koro did. And he was on the wall, and I haven't seen his face for ages. (SOLEMN MUSIC) I remember that time, you know. I remember running in. They tried to stop me. You know, I was a little kid, but still I ran in. I wanted to see my koko. It was hard, because he was out, and the last time we were gonna see him alive was, you know, like that. It's quite hard now, cos, like I didn't really think about it, you know,... for a while. But he used his body as like... like, he` he used himself as, like, a guinea pig, really, to be honest. We're ready? Hello! Yep. (SOBS) CHUCKLES: Mum, man. Don't cry. I'm emotionally drained. I'd rather me go before my children, you know. Anybody would. You know, any mother and father would. Oh, you know, like, um, if anything happened or` It's just too freaky. You've just got to pray I get healthy and skinny. (CHUCKLES) Thank you, Jesus. Yeah, nah, it's been hard for my mum. She cries every day. And she blames herself too, which is, like, sad. Mum, I gotta go. Don't do that. (CHUCKLES) You know, I had my moments. Sometimes I'd just go in the bathroom and just have a real,... you know, cry and whatever, but, yeah, I just` I just got to block it out so I can be strong for Stan, with Stan, (SNIFFLES) you know, and help him. Love you. Love you too. (SNIFFLES) Ooh! Scary now. Yeah, far, this is gonna be interesting. I can't help but think in the back of my mind everything that's ever gone wrong in the history of all our family and the operations and the cancer. So, we've got Stan Walker, 23rd of the 10th, 1990. So, I'm like, 'Ooh.' (CHUCKLES) Far! I'm just about to get opened up. What if I can't sing again? That's my bread and butter. What if there's complications and I have to get more operations? And oh shit... What if they don't connect my oesophagus to my bowel and then that's how I die? This operation basically killed my koko. That's how he died. If you are Maori and 18 or over, the time has come again to make an important choice. Do you want to be enrolled on the General Roll or the Maori Roll? This choice affects who you can vote for to represent you and your area in Parliament. Either way, you'll still be able to vote for any party you like when there's an election. You don't get to choose again for another six years, so let's think about it now. If you're not sure what it's all about, talk it over with your whanau and friends. You'll receive some info in the mail next week. Now is your time to choose. (BROODING ELECTRONIC MUSIC) (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) Is it? Ohhhh. Stannie! (SOBS) Do you want to say a quick hello on the way past? OK? All right. (LAUGHTER) Nah. (LAUGHTER) The egg. Oh, far out. Six hours you were up there. Six and a half hours ` something like that. I was like, 'Oh my gosh!' How good is that? Far! You know, they didn't have to cut you right open. I've got seven holes in my body. I've got some iced water and then plain ice cubes. Oh my gosh, do I have to drink it? Well, that's the general idea, doll, yeah. It's really cold. Oh, I'm scared. No, just take a little sip. It'll be fine. (MONITOR BEEPS STEADILY) Oh my gosh, I think I'm dying. Nah. All righty. There you go. There's some lip balm. What's that for? I can feel it in there. Lip balm. Just to keep his lips moist. Far! That's so weird. Cold? No, not cold, just a little bit, like... It's like it can't fit. I can't kiss you. (KISSES) But I love you, Stan. You've still got your puku, and it's still fat. (LAUGHTER) Yep. Love you. Love you too. You look good, my baby. (POIGNANT PIANO MUSIC) Last night was the hardest night. I still haven't been to sleep. Look at all these ugly things all over my body. I'm still struggling to breathe, and my stomach feels so different. Man, I hate needles with a passion all my life. They're all expecting me to, like, get up and walk around. I'm, like, 'Far out, I'm... Oh, I'm scared.' I'm scared something's gonna rip, and they're like 'No you're supposed to do it.' I'm like, 'It doesn't feel like I'm supposed to do it.' Oh yes. Yup. (SIGHS) Just got a message from Dr Cuong. He said, 'You're doing well. Need to wait for formal pass result, 'but quietly confident that all cancer is out. 'It takes time for you to adjust to new stomach.' Yeah, well, I need more morphine. I like that. No, you don't! You just need to rest. I just don't like feeling anything. It's just uncomfortable; it's not sore. Have you got your stomach out? I'm going to. You don't know, Mum. Stop trying to tell me what I'm feeling. You said. Yeah, but it's sore sometimes. Far, I need a drink. I just wanna have a big scull of that water. (sighs) (SIGHS) (MONITOR BEEPS RAPIDLY) Right, we're going for a walk now. First walk for Stannie. There he is! (LAUGHS) OK, sorry. You just gotta do it. You know? So your body doesn't shut down. This is the whole reason why you're walking Thank you, Jesus. Just slow, though. Don't` Don't... OK. OK. (LAUGHS) (LOW MUSIC) I thought the hard part was over, but things were just gonna get worse. (PENSIVE MUSIC) Two days ago, I contracted a... Well, I had it from the beginning, really. Started getting a chest infection, and so one of my lungs collapsed, and it's just, you know, oh, all these complications. And I feel like I'm gonna suffocate sometimes. The more I lie down, the more I feel sick. I have fevers every night before I go to bed. I wouldn't wish this on anybody, to be honest. I just have to thank God every day that I'm alive, you know ` that this is gonna be for the better. Cos, to be honest, I feel like giving up every day. It's... It's just too much; it's draining. Came into the room and tried to get changed, and I started shivering. My hands went pure white. My face went, like, white like a dead person, and I started, like, seizing up ` my jaw, my neck, my whole body. It wasn't like a seizure; it was like I just clamped up. Like, I dunno. Anyway,... God is good. I'm getting there. I just ran in the room, and his whole face was grey. And his lips were white, his hands were white, his fingers were white. He was, like, freezing, and the father ` oh my gosh ` he was standing there, freaking out, crying. I suppose the mum is always the strong one, because we have the kids and look after them, take all the crap that they give us and all this jazz. But we're not as strong as people think we are. We're human, and, you know, it's very hard seeing your kid like that. I still feel real crap, and, you know, I don't know what's happening inside of me. I don't know if all the cancer's gone yet. (UNSETTLING MUSIC) Feels like it's been forever since I've had my stomach out. I'm starting to come good. Um,... I'm still struggling with the food, but I'm gonna go, yeah, get a check-up to see if it's all good and see if all the cancer's gone, and hopefully it is, and hopefully I can start eating properly. Hi. How are you? Very well. Good to see you Good to see you. APRIL: It doesn't even look like it's been` Yeah, fantastic. And it will get better and better. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, in fact, the whole stomach came out through the belly button. I know. It's pretty amazing. You had, before the biopsy, one spot. But there were multiple small cancer spots, OK, on` Multiple? Yeah, there's 13, um, small spots. More importantly is that they haven't spread beyond where they are. S, none of the lymph nodes I retrieved have any evidence of cancer, so it's very localised. We got it all ` clear margin ` because we got the whole stomach, so... Yeah? Oh yes! ...don't you worry. And there's no signs of spread anywhere, all right? It's cured. So you should not have to worry at all again ever again about a risk of gastric cancer. So I can say I'm cancer-free. Yeah. Yeah! (LAUGHS) Me too. I got my results the other day ` cancer-free. Thank you, Jesus! (LAUGHS) I need to get my body back because I need to teach myself how to sing again,... Yes. ...which is, like, quite scary, because I have no control over my voice. Yes. Like, I can sing, but, like, I can't sing. Yeah. I can't sing a full song. Mm. I tried to. I was getting tired. Mm. And my voice ain't the same, and so that's quite scary for me. Sure. That takes a bit of time, because you need to have the energy level that you... Yup. ...required. OK? And the stamina too, isn't it? Cos singing requires a lot of stamina, right? Yeah. So now it's retrain yourself. At least from the stomach cancer point of view, got it really early ` in time for you. And now you don't have to worry any more. Yes! All right? I'm not gonna die! (LAUGHS) Yeah, good. So worth doing. OK? Worth doing. Ah, thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. All right, man. Good job. You're the man. OK, good job. OK. Thank you for saving my life. No worries. Yes, thank you. My pleasure. The only thing I'm worrying about now is the singing. Oi, guess what, boys. What? I'm cancer-free. Far! Yeah, boy! He's cancer-free, my dogs! We just got back from the doctors. Yeah? Yeah, and, like, I had my appointment on Monday, and I'm cancer-free. Oh! True? Yeah, and Stan had his appointment today, and when they checked his stomach and stuff, they found 13 lesions of cancer. 13 what, sis? Lesions of cancer. 13? My gosh! WHISPERS: Far out, man. But they got it all out, and he's cancer free too! Oh, awesome, sis! Yeah, I reckon. Far out! (STAN RETCHES) He could've been dead in six months to a year if he didn't get it checked. God had a hand in this, sis. Yeah, fully. Far out. (STAN RETCHES) Oh my God. He would've been on stage singing, and then drop! (LAUGHS) Now that he's heard the news, oh, he's gonna perk up fast, eh! Yeah, he is. Aw, there he goes. Lost a bit of weight. Far out! 15kg. Mm! Congratulations! You've got no cancer in you. Nah. Far out. I'm just thinking about, far out, if you hadn't made this decision, eh. Yeah. He'd still be walking around with it,... Yeah. ...not knowing. Eh, I could be one. It's scary! Why don't you go get checked? (STAN RETCHES) Nah. Your husband needs to get tested, man. Nah. He's too scared. He's just gonna die. (SPITS, RETCHES) He will. He'll just die. He doesn't wanna know. He's too scared. (RETCHES) You've got to have the faith to get you through, and it's hard! (WATER RUNS) Ugh. (LAUGHS) Just having a little spew. (LAUGHS) What? Oh, Stan, do you have to spit in the sink? No, it just got stuck in my mouth just then. It just come up. I can't tell it, 'Oh, don't come up.' Oh, why are you spitting, though? (LAUGHS) You shouldn't be, anyway. Are you all right? Oh, it's just all the food's stuck in there. Sometimes I spew up all my food. Have a drink of water and get it down. That makes it worse. I'll just keep spewing up... sometimes. Flick the doughnuts over here, please. Mmm. I need a coffee. Stan, can you put the jug on, please? Lovely, Stan. Ah, yay. Yeah, I'm happy for youse. Yeah. You know, all that stress you've been going through, man. Far out. Cancer-free, which is amazing. But I'm still not feeling good, so I've gotta go for a routine check-up tomorrow. (LOW, PULSING MUSIC) They were gonna do another scoping down in his stomach to see if the oesophagus to and everything was healing properly. I got a call from Dr Duong telling me that his oesophagus was narrowing, cos Stan's been complaining about he can't swallow properly some things, and he also has been bringing up stuff. You know? I was only supposed to come in for a routine thing and then go home, and now it's... just, like, escalated into this big thing where I'm stuck in hospital now for, like, I dunno, five, six days or however long I'm here. Like... (GROANS) I knew it was gonna be a mental battle. I knew it. I didn't realise it was gonna be like this, though. I wasn't prepared. No one prepared me enough for all these setbacks. I had so much hope yesterday. Today is a different day. I don't have that hope I did yesterday. I'm just, like, ugh... I feel defeated. (CHUCKLES) What frightens me about it is that, you know, like, cos my father had the same operation and they couldn't connect his oesophagus back to his bowel because it was weak. And I know Stan, you know, is young and healthy and strong and stuff, but, you know, it's still very... you know. Everything's going wrong ` everything. I don't think I can mentally handle it. This is tiring. I feel like I'm not living my purpose. Like, you know, I was starting to try and sing every day and warm up. Like, this is just another setback. It's frustrating ` frustrating as. It's Thursday. I won't be out till, like, Monday or Tuesday. With nothing going in my mouth besides liquids going in my veins, of course I'm gonna lose weight. So I just hopefully don't lose my strength. Like, you know, I don't want to be struggling to just get up. Like, that's... quite scary. It feels like I'm dying in a way. Like, I don't know. I just, yeah, never thought I'd be like this. Give him rest tonight, Lord God, comfort, Lord God. Father, I pray you speak to him in his sleep, Lord God. Lord God, let him breathe, Father. You breathe fresh new life into him right now in the name of Jesus. We thank you, Jesus. We trust you, Lord God, with our baby, Lord. And we thank you, Father in heaven, that you just keep him safe in Jesus' name. Speedy recovery. Yes, God. Thank you, Jesus. Recover his mind, God. Yes, Lord. And you just unleash your power within. Amen. (HAUNTING MUSIC) Not after this. Not after this, nah. I don't` Nah, I don't want to. I'm thinking to myself that I'm just gonna eat properly, eat better for my stomach. You know? My breasts have been taken care of with hormone pills, and I'm just going to, um, look after myself and try not to have emotional stress like this. (SIGHS) It's 2 o'clock in the morning,... post-surgery. I got four incisions in my stomach. (SIGHS) I was... I was in a lot of pain when I got out. I didn't have appendicitis. They don't know what's wrong with me. It's just setback after setback. I don't think I'm listening to my body properly. (SIGHS) Yeah. (STIRRING MUSIC) So, I've just woken up. Oh my gosh, my throat is so sore. Oh, I'm still, like, drowsy from the drugs and all this stuff. And... And I don't have to stay in hospital. I can go home, Mum! (CHUCKLES) You don't have to do the swab, eh? No, it's good. Yes! I can go home, which means I'm gonna go to New Zealand. (CLEARS THROAT) (PENSIVE PIANO MUSIC) My marae, that's my standing ground, that's my turangawaewae. There's something about being on your own marae, it's, like, literally just like getting powered up. # Trying to find your light. I love going back to the urupa, to the cemetery, to go and see my family, see my koko, to see all our loved ones that have died over the years. That means a lot for me. # Get lost in the night. # This is one of the, I suppose, many graveyards where a lot of our brothers and sisters and relations have died, and there's quite a few cancer victims here. This one here, this is my father. He died of cancer. How old was he, Rangi? 66. This girl here is my niece. Yes. You can see by her age ` she died at 17. 17 years old. Another relation there... I guess 20 years on, you know, the gene is still passed down, people are still getting cancer. I've just felt like there's just been this big mate on our hill. Like it was, like, a curse, you know, of death. You feel it when you go past the hill, when you're coming on to the hill. This is my Koro George's house. All the original owners from here up are all dead. So that's my nan's brother. He's dead now ` from the gene. Him and my grandfather were the first two to get the operations. That's my Auntie Mary's. She died too of the gene. She had the stomach cancer. This is Nanny Pat, my Nan's sister. She's dead. Auntie Hera, my Nan's other sister. She died from cancer. My uncle died from cancer, and then my other two cousins died. Auntie Waigirl ` she died. She was only 35. That's our old house. We all lived there. There was no fences back then. That house there, that's our homestead ` my great-grandmother's house. That's the one that had the 23 kids, and they're all dead. That house has seen so much death. Yeah, this whole hill ` we've all been struck by this ugly curse, this ugly gene. Whether you know people who've got the gene or got the cancer and died. It's quite sad, because it's all my mum and dad's family. Well, the whole hill is, but, you know, we've just watched everyone die. I've watched everyone die. And then there's so many before me. (GENTLE PIANO MUSIC) My Uncle Whiti is supposed to get his stomach out, but he is the same as Mum. They're scared because all they can think about is my grandfather and how he died and how it never worked for him. And I can't blame them. You know, I was a kid, and that still scars me ` it still hurts me. But that was their dad, and they had to watch that. There's Dad. There's Daddy. You know, and he done it for everybody ` had the tests and all that, eh. You know? It just went all downhill from there, man. They tried to reattach his oesophagus with his small intestine, and it didn't work. He was unconscious for probably two weeks from there. Dad was pretty bad by then. Doctors and nurses telling us... it was time to pull the plug. You know? (EXHALES HEAVILY) I didn't want Stan to see him like that. But I didn't make it to Stan, and, oh jeez, I just seen his face. He ran in, and he went, 'Koko! Koko! Koko! Oh. Ko... Koko.' And saw everything, could smell him. And he just... That was the worst part. He started backing off from his koro. (SNIFFLES) So I grabbed him, and I took him outside, and I blew my sister up for letting that happen. Yeah, it's still scary. It's still fresh in us, eh? Yeah, it is. I still cry. That was our dad. He was our life, man. I still cry when I think about Dad. Yeah. He was our life. Even though we had our own lives, Dad was still our... Yeah. Praise God for the new knowledge and technology they have now. Yeah. Back in the days, everybody just thought that the hill was cursed, there was a makutu or something ` you know, we were all cursed. But my Auntie Maybelle and Auntie Pauline, they thought that there was more to it than just a curse, or, like, these ugly things, because it just kept happening through the generations ` the same kind of cancer, and they were dying the same way. So they went looking. The whole thing comes from a sister and a brother marrying a brother and a sister in our side ` the whole gene thing. Yeah. My papa's line comes from this side? Yeah. From Ngai te Rangi, yeah. And also Papa and Mum come from this side. It's complicated because... They went back and forward? I don't want, like, to say, but he` yeah, he went back and forward. Oh, yeah. You don't have to say it like that. (LAUGHTER) He was a bit of a devil. We're quite related down here. We're just following the traditions. You know? You marry within the land ` keep the land strong. We have kept our land strong. (LAUGHS) So these are all the cancer? Yeah. The ones that are coloured in black are the ones that died of cancer, but that's only up to a certain point. See, they didn't have a real shitshow, really, because they didn't have anything to help them. Back in 1994, I knew there was something wrong with the family. Because she was a nurse at the time, she thought there was something wrong, so she went searching, she went looking for answers and tried to find a way to find out what was happening in our family and why everybody was dying from the same cancer. So my Auntie Maybelle contacted Otago University and Dr Parry to see if they could help find out what was happening in our family. Back in '96, 101 people volunteered to go into this exercise of giving their blood. We had to collect tissues from the hospital Oh, from whanau who died? Yeah. From whanau who died. Ew. I know! I know ` ew ` but that's how it goes. You know, I did say to Parry, 'I don't like what we're doing. It's not very Maori.' But we had to do it so out of it, the scientists can find the mutation. They had to get the tissue from their bodies ` like, use their body parts. For Maori, that's tapu as. Like, you don't do that. You know, some people probably wouldn't have agreed with it, but, at the same time, that's the world we live in today. We have to do that, otherwise we're just gonna die. And we're just gonna die proud, going, 'Nope, we did it the Maori way.' It's like ` (SCOFFS) ` I don't want to die. I'm hati Maori, but I don't want to die. So, what happened was, they said, 'It's gonna take five to 10 years to find this'. Well, 18 months later,... ...bam! ...bam! After wondering for so long what it was that was killing their family, the McCleods now suddenly had the answer ` a tiny hiccup in the gene sequence. And this discovery is the first time ever that a gene has been discovered for inherited stomach cancer. Imagine if I had left it. I would have been dead in, like, a year. I don't want to, cos it's the same thing ` 'Oh, I'll be all right.' Yeah. 'Oh, nah, nah, nah.' Too late, and I would've been dead at 27. That's why you fullas have to do it. Because you're gonna be like Koko and young and something happens. Yup, you're right Stan. And then it's too late. It has no mercy. You know, like, I'm 53. He died at 55, and I'm like, 'My oesophagus might be weak like his was.' Yeah. It's a role model for your kids. For the children. Don't wait for the kids to say they'll have it first. Yeah. April. You'd rather do that than blimmin' die and leave us here. Oh. But what are you waiting for? This is for both of youse, cos youse are both scared and stubborn, but, man, like youse... like, you'd rather go through that three months of, like, you know, might be intense recovery, but, like, to another 30 more years of living. APRIL, WHITI: Yeah. Cos what if next year you got cancer? And it's like, 'Oh shit, too late.' (PENSIVE MUSIC) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) My Uncle Whiti has gotta go for his check-up to see, you know, if everything's good in there ` get a scope. Hopefully these tests come back negative and everything's good. Even then, he's still got to get his stomach out. I'm definitely more confident, you know, listening to Stan and that and realising it is 17 years since the old man had his, so... You know? So, yeah, no, well, OK, I'm definitely gonna get my stomach out next year. Now I've just gotta tell my kids I'm going to get it done. I'm pretty stoked that my uncle's gonna get his stomach out. It's up to my mum now. I think it's harder for my mum, because she was there through everything with me and my grandfather. And it's not been good. Here we go. Focus on your breathing now. The only reason why I'm actually alive is because I got myself checked, and, at the same time, it wasn't because I wanted to; it was because my mum forced me to. And I thank God she did. I thank God for her forceful ways, because I am alive, and that's what the rest of my family need to do. They need to go and get checked. OK, so we'll get some... It's genetic; it's gonna happen whether we like it or not. So it's like we've gotta take action and start to look after ourselves. You know, I love what I come from and who I come from and being Maori, but also, you know, this is a different world, and we never had cancer back in the days. So we are going to have to do things that are not necessarily Maori. Well done. All finished. That all looked healthy. There were no abnormalities there. Science is incredible ` like, how advanced they are today to what my grandparents went through. We're living in completely different worlds. It's all cos of you, man, like, just talking to you for the week. Yeah, well, I'm glad, Uncle. It's mean, man. Far! We're all going to be alive a lot longer than we thought. (BOTH CHUCKLE) Oh, sweet as. I love you, anyway. It's gonna be good. You're gonna be skinny. (BOTH LAUGH) (GENTLE MUSIC) You OK? Oh, I'm gonna faint. OK, you should lie back, then. (CHUCKLES) I've got my first concert in, like, less than 10 days. Jeez, it's, like, a week away. Oh my gosh, it's a week away today, so seven days. So I'm just popping it in nice and slow. You ok? Oh shit. Yeah. I don't know how that's gonna go. I've tested my voice, and it doesn't come out the way I want it to. Don't rub that site for a while, OK? I'm just going to pop a plaster on. (CHUCKLES) You OK? Yeah, nah, I'm all right. Cool. I just hate needles. (BRIGHT MUSIC) # Yeah, yeah. # It's 4 in the morning. # I send you the smiley face. # One of the hardest things... right now is just trying to sing. Just nothing's, like, happening. Nothing's coming out, and it is the most frustrating thing, because that's... that's it. Like, that's me. OK, I'm gonna try and give it a go. (SIGHS) I don't even wanna try, man, cos the last time I tried, it didn't come out, and I just was... just it's ugly. It's my big comeback concert. Nobody knows, cos nobody knows that I've been down and out, had cancer, got my gut out. Hopefully my voice shows out. Youse don't even know, man ` this is big for me, because I haven't performed for a long time. (TENSE MUSIC) (BRIGHT, SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) This is a big accomplishment for me to, like, be here. I don't know what I'm thinking, eh. I don't know what I think half the time, because, I thought, you know, I'd be all good, but I don't even think (CHUCKLES) I can get through one song, so we'll see how it goes. (SLOW DRUM BEAT PLAYS) What do youse wanna do? Far. This is the first time I've sung in a long time. Black Box? Yeah? Like, I would never ever, you know, show people, like, 'Oh, be...' You know, 'Just have a little grace for me, 'I got my stomach out.' This thing. (UPLIFTING PIANO MUSIC PLAYS) I don't want people to know that. I want them to look at me and go, 'Far, you're just the man.' And then when they find out later, they're like 'Whoa, you're the man!' (LAUGHS) (GRUNTS) Far out, I have to change everything. Go down. Ah. No voice. Good? I have to figure out different melodies because I can't hit a lot of my notes. I'm on struggle street right now, but tomorrow it'll come back to me. (EXHALES) Does it sound good? Everything's, like, hard. Like, I lose my breath. It's gonna be different on the night, because I've gotta give a lot of energy. Far, that was like a workout, bro. I was just like, 'Whoa, these words are coming really fast. I'm losing my breath.' (PERFORMS VOCAL WARM-UPS) Soundcheck was quite difficult. It was really hard. Like, it was hard on my body, it was hard on my lungs and hard on my voice and just energy levels. Like, I don't know how I'm going to go. But, you know, you never know what happens. I feel like God always comes through for me. (PERFORMS VOCAL WARM-UPS) Everything's so tight. My body's pathetic these days. See what Mummy's up to. Mummy. Mummy. Mummy. (PHONE RINGS) Mummy! What time are you on? Soon. You look all right, though! Yeah. You been eating good? Mm, sort of. Nah. Don't eat the eggs, Auntie Maybelle said. No eggs? Yeah, don't eat the eggs over there. Well, too late. I had an omelette this morning Was it all right? It was all good. See you on Sunday. Love you. Love you, Mummy! I missed you for about a couple or hours, and then I got over it. (CHUCKLES) (LAUGHS) # Young boy I ain't no more. I got them scars. # I wanna be mean. I want people to have the best night of their life. And I wanna have the best night. I feel like my stomach is sore. I don't know if that's nerves or something that I ate. And my voice feels like it's gone. My voice is what I'm worried about. Oh, we're here. We're here. We're here. (LOW, SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) How's everybody going? Are you fullas awesome? (CHEERING) Oh, youse don't even know, man. This is big for me, because I haven't performed for a long time. (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES) You might know this song, and tonight I'm gonna sing it for you. # Yeah, hey. # Yeah. # Yeah. # Yeah, yeah, yeah. # Hey. # You're in the rain. I'm in the rain. # It's been a while. I'm back again. # Hey, hey. # Listen to me say, # say that # I was so wrong, wrong, yeah... # Performing on that stage, going on with all my complications, not being able to sing, get through a song, the whole performance and then singing the way that I sung ` my voice just came out ` the rain was just, like, washing over me, and I felt alive just being on stage for the first time in a long time. I was back being me, doing what I do. # Yeah-eah. # Live your life. BACKING SINGERS: # Any kind of weather, you and me together. # Say we'll be fine. # At the end of every concert, I always save, like, the biggest song. And I have a big outro at the end, which I have my biggest notes and my biggest moments, where I'm like, 'Yeah, this is where I'm just gonna really just get you.' # You gotta take it easy. # We'll be,... yeah,... BACKING SINGERS HARMONISE: # ...fine. # ...fine. # Yeah. # Yeah, hey, yeah. # You gotta take it... # Hold up. I need just to breathe. # Ea... (CHEERING) # ...sy! # Yeah! # Hey, hey! # Hey, hey, yeah! # Hey, yeah, yeah. # Yeah. # Whoo! # Hey! # (MUSIC ENDS) Boom. It was like real old me came back. (UPLIFTING ELECTRONIC MUSIC) Man, I'm back! I actually thought that my voice was gone, like. You know? And so that was, like` it was really emotional. And I haven't gotten emotional much at all. (LAUGHS) The biggest relief, you know, performing and the way that I performed. It was incredible. And then, you know, just more things come up ` more health issues ` and I'm back in hospital. Just in this last two days, I've already lost weight, and I'm getting skinnier and skinnier. What I'm realising more now is that the journey is far from over. (HAUNTING MUSIC) So, I'm in the Auckland Hospital ` in the Emergency. I haven't been sleeping for the last two weeks ` ever since I started getting these pains. Just in this last two days, I've already I've lost weight, and I'm getting skinnier and skinnier. I'm pushing my stomach out right now. I hate this. I just wanna eat good. I wanna put weight on and be healthy. Ratana Pa is the centre of where our family comes back to. It's where the church started. So, you know, I have a big connection back there. My Uncle Tahi, he's been a health inspiration for both my mum and myself. Ooh, that smells nice, eh. Mmm, it's different. Very nice. Nutritional yeast is used as a flavouring for vegan dishes. Eh? Yeah. He was the first call when I found out I had cancer. And he rang me up, and he goes, 'Boy, we can heal our bodies with our kai,' and everything like that. So ever since I got my stomach out` I think it was actually the second operation that really turned me off food. Like, now, even looking at a burger, if I smell it,... Oh, the meat. ...I can spew up. Now I crave, like, broccoli, blimmin' spuds and kumara and onions. I needed to go back there and see him and see what he does and see how he lives so that it could help me and also learn too. I feel like a lot of our people and a lot of people in the world today, including myself, are constantly abusing our bodies and are constantly abusing ourselves, and we're not living to our full potential. We're eating crap, and that crap is, you know, doing things to our bodies. It's making us lethargic; its affecting our brains; and it's affecting the way we see ourselves and just function in everyday life ` you know, our mental state. It's affecting everything. But I'm at the beginning of my journey, and I'm starting to understand more, and I'm starting to get it more that it's so important to look after myself. And here I am, about to have a lolly. I went to Pak'n Save and got these. They're so yum. Like I said, I'm at the beginning of my journey. We can go without food, so we're just fasting and we just go on liquids. If you can go without food, you're training that mind to... you're strengthening yourself. Yeah. And I think that's the problem with people now ` they're weak. I think cause my body is telling me I don't got a choice. But if I did have a choice, I wouldn't have went this way ` if my body wasn't saying no to the bad food. People see me, they either think that I'm on P... Oh yeah. ...or I'm sick or, like, just too skinny. And the natural thing for most Maori and Polynesian people ` their natural thing is ` 'Have a pie,' or 'Have a thing,' and I'm like, 'Oh, man, you don't even know.' Obviously, I'm not gonna tell them, 'Oh, yeah, I had cancer, so I can't really eat that; I got no stomach.' I can imagine going to the marae and like, 'Do you have anything vegetarian?' They'll almost laugh at you ` like, 'Ow, vegetarian? What you vegetarian for?' Even when you're trying, it's like 'Ow, shut up.' I think this whole holistic approach to living and health, and especially the old Maori way, that's how they used to look at all of this, you know. They looked after their bodies; they looked after the land; they looked after their health in every way. I can't even hold myself up. I'm just outta rehab. Well, you know what? You're in number two seat. That's the powerhouse, mate. (LAUGHS) (SIGHS, CHUCKLES) It's so important for our people to see this kind of thing and... to go back to our roots. (STIRRING MUSIC) (CHOIR SINGS ROUSING HYMN) It was bittersweet, going back to Ratana Pa. It's all connected for me, and it's, like, a full circle for me ` like, you know, from the first memories of hearing voices and the hymns... (SINGING CONTINUES) to now, you know, going through what I've been going through, and going back there, it's a beautiful reminder of where I come from and, you know, what's important and the things that got me started. All I know is I wanna try my best, and I actually am. I'm gonna make an effort, a real effort, to live my life like how he's lived his. Yeah, I'm not keen on dying. Nah, nah, nah. I wanna live. And I wanna have a good life. I want to have kids. I wanna, you know, raise my kids. I wanna see my mokos. And I wanna, you know, especially for my... I think if anything happened to me, I think my family would fall apart, especially my mum. Yeah. Cos I'm, like, Mum's right-hand man. (CHUCKLES) (SOULFUL MUSIC) I'm still figuring out how to eat, what to eat. You know, I still got so many more challenges ahead of me. (SINGS SOULFUL SONG) Shit, man, this is a long journey. (MUSIC CONTINUES) I'm going back to Tauranga to get my Mum's moko kauae done. Her moko kauae is going to represent both... her and I... (CHUCKLES) and just our journey with both having cancer, and it's just about representing new life, the river of God and just, you know, healing and new beginnings. And I think this is the first time since my Mum's great-great-great-grandmother's ` the first time there's been a moko kauae in our line, in our family. Back then, it was dark times, but this time, it's... it's new life. (INDISTINCT CHATTER) I'm really close with my mum ` like, really close. Like, I'm definitely her favourite. But we're the closest for so many reasons, because we're the same. We've been through the same things. I think we've come out of ugly places. She's been with me, obviously, since day dot; she's my mum. But, like, in terms of my career and everything that I do, I couldn't do anything without my mum. It's quite emotional. I didn't think it was gonna be that emotional. Ooh! (LAUGHTER, CHATTER) (WARM MUSIC) I don't really like thinking about... I don't like to think about the bad things that will happen if my mum doesn't get her stomach out. But I can't help but think. You know? (MUSIC CONTINUES) I just don't want her to do it when it's too late. So the quicker that my mum and then Uncle Whiti as well get their stomachs out, the better it is for us ` and for them, obviously. Like, I don't want them to die. (SIGHS) I won't cope at all. Not saying that my mum's gonna die, but, like, I'm a strong person. I've always been strong, but not when it comes to my mum. I won't cope at all. So if anything ever happened, yeah, that would be the end of me. (CHOIR SINGS UPLIFTING SONG) (GRUNTS) Give us a look. Yeah, it's nice as. Kia ora, whanau, my family. I wrote this song a day before I found out that I had cancer, and it was actually just` I was just writing about... a song about Mum. Even though we fight and everything like that and I'm like, 'She's so annoying.' (LAUGHTER) You're annoying. Just like everything that she's gone through ` not just, you know, going through cancer ` but just as a mother, we'll never understand. But I fully appreciate you, Mummy, and I love you. So this song I wrote for my mum. Probably means more now because we've gone through cancer together. (LAUGHS) Together, yeah. Go on, man. I mean, it's not a good thing, but, like, we alive, I'm skinny, so whatever. (LAUGHTER) (GUITAR PLAYS UPBEAT TUNE) # Mmmmm. # I've never sung this before. # Mama, you the best in the world. # You're more than diamonds and pearls. # Held me in my weak times. # You kept my head held high. # You've always been my superwoman. # You've always been the only woman # to ever have my heart. # I wanna say thank you, # and, no, it will never, no, never be enough. # Yeah. You correct me when I'm wrong. # You tell me that girl ain't right for me. # You tell me I look best when I look underdressed, # remind me I am strong, to forgive when I'm wrong. # Oh, you pray for me, pray for me. # Oh, I love it when you pray for me. # Thank you, Mama. # You've been patient with all of us. # But we love you eternally. # You always seem to find a way # to let me know that you love me. # No matter how far or where you are, you're with me. # So I would say thank you, # no, it will never, no, never be enough. # Thank you. (CHUCKLES) (PENSIVE ELECTRONIC MUSIC) # I feel like you don't really know me. # All right. Here we go. The beginning. The beginning. (CHUCKLES) Is it all good? (MAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) Hey, how's it going? One, two, three. Oh, I'm just so` I can't wait to perform again. Far, man, I had the best buzz in Raro. APRIL: Oh, you know, that would've been the thing for you. No, it's funny, cos even singing that song when you were getting your moko, I was tired. But I think I just need a crowd to scream my name. Oh, go on. (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) 'Stan!' 'All right, then.' (BOTH LAUGH) Copyright Able 2018