# Left my hometown of Huntly, # headin' out in the cold... From the sunny north to the wild south, New Zealand is overflowing with breathtaking backdrops, heavenly harvests and a whole lot of fabulous foodies. So jump on board with us as we hang out with the locals, wrangle some wildlife and feast our way around this magnificent country. Come on, Toppy. We got people to meet and food to eat. Yee-hah! # Nga iwi e. # I'm just a local farmhand... # This week, we meet the Village Nutters from Wanaka. They're crazy about chestnuts, crazy about each other! And then we head to Opotiki to meet the macadamia nut queen and her not-so-nutty husband. And I, the mighty nutter, attempt to harvest 12 tons in record time! But first up, we're in Nelson with Denis and Jocelyn Laird, who started planning their retirement 13 years ago, and they are just nuts about it! Their Golden Hills walnut orchard has grown so fast that Jocelyn had to retire early to keep up with it all. Last year, they produced 1.6 tons, and she picked every single walnut up by hand. Now, this looks like hard work. Yes, well it's not too bad. It's better than hands and knees, and... I'm sure it is. (ALL LAUGH) Down on your hands and knees! Why did you go with walnuts? It's a superfood. It's really healthy. It's sustainable, and there's a shortage of really good walnuts around the world. They're just being ripped out everywhere for other crops. And, are you the best walnut growers in New Zealand, are ya? Oh, we believe so. (LAUGHS) Don't hold back, buddy (!) (ALL LAUGH) Denis, I'd like to actually eat one. Well, we'd better go and figure out how to get them open then. Righty-ho. Sounds good to me. Righto. That means I'm helping pick 'em up. Yes. How do I do that? Well, I'll give you one of those, and you need some gloves. So, instead of those, this is what we've imported. The first time we're gonna use it for a harvest. It's the man picker-upper, is it? (LAUGHS) Yeah, that's right. What does it do? How does it work it? As it rolls along, those nylon fingers will just pick up the nuts. Yup. Then it comes up against the tines and just rolls them into the bin in the front. Easy-peasy. Yeah, really easy. We just roll along like this,... Wow. ...and they just pop in. You can do it any way you like. Yee-hoo. Just a little bit. It's quite quick, really. It's like having the carpet cleaned. (LAUGHS) Righty-oh, I'm ready to empty mine. Just push it on to the wire pulls, and it'll all come out. What a genius machine. It's a bit of number eight wire, too, isn't it? That's all it is, yes. So, these walnuts are from last season, so they're dried and ready to be cracked. So, the first thing we've got to do is put them into this grader, which will sort them into a variety of sizes and will put them up through the cracking unit. But if you like, you can have one right now. Righty-oh. Cos I've got the old 'mandraulic' one. Perfect. Look at that. Mm. That'd be a big mouthful of nut, that one. You know what that reminds me of? Mum used to make afghans with chocolate icing on top and there was always half a walnut, pshh, pushed into the chocolate. Fresh and crunchy and beautiful. Now, this looks like a really good tree. Look, look, we've got lots on the ground. Look at all the` Look at the size of the nuts! Yeah. And it's such a little tree. Small tree with big nuts. It is. It is. (BOTH LAUGH) OK, so they've burst out of this lovely, sort of, soft shell here,... Yes. ...and then` That's the husk. That's the husk. We want it to sit, actually, on the tree until that husk dries off completely, then, by the time it does drop, it's pretty well dry anyway. This one is just going to come out. It's just sitting in there. And look, that is perfect. It hasn't got any black markings on it. Let's open her up. It'll be hard work, cos it'll be green. Look at that. Beautiful. Look how blonde it is. That's what they're meant to be like. That is the most beautiful thing. That nut has taken up the whole bit of shell. Yup. That is the perfect walnut. OK, we're in the nut-cracking suite. What's gonna happen? Are they gonna come down there? Come down here, and we're gonna sort out the rubbish and the bits of shell that we don't want. Here they come. There's our walnuts. And is this the normal speed of the, uh, conveyor belt? Yup. So, normally, there's the` Yup, we've` There's no mucking around. You've got to keep up! (LAUGHS) There's a nice one there. That is the perfect half right there. Beautiful, golden colour. That one's not going in the bin, though. (CHUCKLES) OK, this is the simplest bit of our recipe, isn't it? The pastry. We've got flour in there. We've got a little bit of dark sugar, some salt. I'm gonna put a bit of black pepper in, and then you're going to put in two tablespoons of our lovely Golden Hills walnut butter. So this would be pretty good for people who are dairy intolerant. Yes, quite right. Wow. Our whole country's dairy intolerant now. Yes. (LAUGHS) They're not making any money, the poor buggers. Not at the moment, I know. (LAUGHS) It's looking like` That's looking great. That's right. It's looking like pastry. I think it's time for the walnut meal to go in. More walnut? If you're gluten free, you can use it instead of flour. And we need some lemon juice. And look at this thing. I've just bought it. It's brilliant. It just goes in there, and look. Yeah. Look at the lemon juice in there. Absolutely brilliant. Every home needs one of those. I reckon. Just needs the water` chilled water now, don't you think? I reckon. Well, I think I'm gonna get rid of my spoon now. Nothing like kneading some pastry. Here you go. Here, New Zealand, stress relief. That is pure walnut all crushed up with the oil taken out. We're making walnut oil. How beautiful, isn't it? Beautiful and creamy. It'll settle for about a month, and the walnut butter will settle out at the bottom. Take the oil off the top, through a filter, and then into the bottles. What an amazing process. And how long is that gonna take us? Probably about another... 45 minutes or so. Right. I think we'll just go and have a bit of cheese and bickies... Righty-oh. ...and perhaps a beer. Sounds good to me. (CHUCKLES) We need to just crumble that cheese all on top of the leeks. Love blue cheese. I love blue cheese too. It's got, like, a sort of creamy centre, this pie. Whip those eggs up with a fork like we do in the country. No fancy equipment. And then bind that thickened cream in there, so` OK. And, did you always dream of being a walnut farmer? No. (CHUCKLES) Never. (BOTH LAUGH) How do we get to these places? You haven't always been into walnuts, have you? You've got a bit of another job. Yeah. I've been in aviation, and I've been flying helicopters most of my life. Yup. In various parts of the world. We had over 30 moves in 30 years, so` Wow. This is the first time, longest we've stayed anywhere. You've led a wild life before settling down? We have, really. We have. What's the wildest thing you've ever done? Oh, you don't want to know. (BOTH LAUGH) Yes we do. Don't we, New Zealand? We wanna know how wild they are! (BOTH LAUGH) So many places ` Antarctica, Asia,... Yup. ...Africa. Everywhere, really. And I think the country I loved the most was Yemen, because it was just a little dangerous. You like a little danger? (SIGHS) Oh, depends. You know, you think you don't, but you do, actually, when it's there, yeah, so... (BOTH CHUCKLE) There was the Gulf War. We sat that out, much to our parents' consternation. And that's Joss ` she's a family unit, and we're all together or we're not, so... So she stuck it out. She stuck it out. She'll even go to war with you, eh? Yup. (BOTH LAUGH) And where did you meet Denis? As teenagers, actually. When I was 15 and he was 16. Yes. I don't think he said much, but` He was handsome, eh? I think he was handsome, yes. Can't deny it. (LAUGHS) We were at different schools, and he went off to Australia, but we never seemed to find anyone else. We always seemed to keep coming back to each other, and I think that was it, really. I think it was true love at first sight. We've been together ever since, so that's 48 years ago. 48 years? Well, she's just a wonderful girl, and, I mean, why` You know, you'd want to spend your life with her. I'll drink to that. Thanks, Lynda. What a great retirement plan ` from war to walnuts. I think I know what I'd rather be doing. Wow, that's amazing, that pie. There's walnut in the pastry! Unbelievable. Beautiful. Here's to a couple of nutters. Yes. (LAUGHS) Exactly. We're all nuts here. It's a lovely way to be. * Hello, darlings. Welcome back to Topp Country. This week, we're raising money for one of my favourite charities, The Widowed Millionaires Club of Parnell. And we'll be serving little morsels of duck and honeycomb pate rolled in hazel and macadamia crust. I call it, 'The Duck's Nuts'. You know, Audrey will be there this year, cos her husband died in November. Penelope saw her last week at Euro dining with a man half her age. She might not be coming. (LAUGHS) Or she could be coming. (CHUCKLES) Greg Inwood and Lisa Johnston, or the village nutters, as they are fondly known in Wanaka, had a brainwave a couple of years ago to turn their love of tree cropping into a way of making a living. Eyeing up a well-endowed but unpicked row of local chestnut trees, they approached the landowners, and, (LOUDLY) ta-da, Village Nuts was born. Oh, look at that. Whoo-hoo. Righty-oh. What's so good about a chestnut? Well, they're beautiful, for a start. Yeah, they're pretty cool looking. Gorgeous, yup. And they're really nutritious. Yup. Got no fat. No fat? No protein, really. Mostly just carbohydrate. Yup. So, they're more like a vegetable than a nut. A vegetable? You treat them like a vegetable ` like a kumara. How many in a pod? Usually three. That's a` That's a ripper, that one. That's a perfect` Look at that. That is the perfect chestnut right there. Where do chestnuts come from? I think they're from the Oh, yup. cos they're one of the oldest chestnut cultures. You went on a chestnut pilgrimage? We did, yeah. (BOTH LAUGH) Thank you. Very nice. What did you find? Um, it was really interesting. There's some really old trees there, like, thousand-year-old trees. Well, how old are these trees? Uh, these trees are about 40. Oh, yeah. We'll try and scale that up. Got a little ways to go, yet. Yeah. Are you the only people that sell chestnuts in New Zealand? Um, I think there's one more ` another guy, actually. I've heard of another guy. You've cornered the market. (BOTH LAUGH) Righty-oh. Where do you want 'em, boss? We're gonna chuck it in the back, Jools. It's a beautiful machine. Yeah, thank you very much. I made it myself. Oh, and she all comes apart. I bet that's heavy. One, two, three. Up we go. Great. I've got it. OK. Hook her on, buddy. OK, sweet. I'm gonna roast Greg's nuts now. (CACKLES) What an absolutely beautiful spot here, eh? Yeah, it's pretty magical. So this is Jill and John Blennerhassett's land. Yup. He's an ancestor of one of the original landowners in this whole area, Percy Sargood, who owned Wanaka Station. She's planted all of these trees that you can see. How many trees do you think are here on this property? Oh, I dunno. Thousands. Thousands? Yeah. There's 130 chestnut trees, I know that. But I think there's` Yeah, there's a lot more. (CHUCKLES) Right, so let's get our regalia on, and we'll start roasting. Righty-oh. So you can wear the conductor's hat. (LAUGHS) Maybe keep the brim` Keep the brim nice and high. Do I look the part? Yeah, you do look the part, actually, yes. Nice. Wow. All right, let's go. I just keep stirring them around, do I? Fantastic, yeah. Keep them moving. This is a chestnut knife, OK. Oh, OK. Yup. And so we take the chestnut and we score it. And if you don't score it, it'll build up pressure into the nut and it will explode. These have all been scored. They've all been scored. They've got the little mark there. Last year, I did 120,000 chestnuts. Wow. Smell that, eh. Oh. Not bad, eh? You know, that smell reminds me of London. I've lived in London for a little bit,... Mmm. ...and this used to be the highlight in the winter season when we were playing in the theatres. Yeah, right. And you'd get to a street corner, and there'd be an old guy there with a thing similar to this. He would have hand-made it, just like you. Yeah, yeah. Most of the cities in Europe, at the railway stations, they serve them in the cone ` you know, in the paper cone. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You think New Zealanders have got to be educated a bit more on what your nut is? Yeah, Kiwis don't really understand chestnuts. We don't really` It's not in our culture to have chestnuts. But we're sort of catching on, slowly. I want to try one. There, that one. There's yours. That's mine. Beautiful. Ow, take it, quick. Oh, yeah, look at that. They're beautiful! That's hot as all get out. It's best to eat 'em hot, right? Best to eat 'em hot. Although, they're good to eat cold as well. Often, we'll take them home and shell them and eat them cold, add them to soups and stews. Mmm. Oh, they're really sweet. Love it ` chestnuts. Love it. Chestnuts, gotta love it. So we've got some roasted chestnuts. Yup. And we're just gonna peel off that skin. Here we go. Look at that one. It's like a combination of squeezing it and rubbing it at the same time. OK, that's` We can't do that on TV. (LAUGHS) You can't squeeze and rub your nuts. (BOTH LAUGH) So it's a savoury soup, isn't it? Yeah, well, it's pretty sweet. It's like, like I said, like a kumara, you know ` kumara soup. Probably a wee bit creamier than kumara. What about Greg? Is he pretty sweet? (CHUCKLES) He has sweet elements. (LAUGHS) Is he like chestnuts? Um, yup. So, when we're on the cart, Greg's usually the talker. He shares his enthusiasm and love. He's letting everybody know how good his nuts is. Yeah. (BOTH LAUGH) Beautiful, hot nuts. Thank you. Hey, do you guys know how to peel them? No. Have you tried them before? No, never. Oh, they're a real creamy sensation. We used to have a chestnut tree at home, actually, but you never knew what to do with them. If you get this and you crush the shell without breaking the nut... (GASPS) Beautiful. There it is ` one big, roasted nut. Mmm, beautiful. I hope yours are as good as that one. How did you meet the boy? Um, through a mentor of ours, actually. And, um, yeah, he came around, and that was that. I was actually on my way to Norway to help a friend build his house, and I needed a house-sitter, and I thought, 'Hmm, yeah, I'll get her in my house,....' Oh, OK. '...and then she won't want to leave.' So she came down and house-sat for me. (LAUGHS) What a schemer you are. Oh, well, you know. You've got to do it sometimes. There was a bit of a two-week overlap, and then suddenly it was all on, and then he was gone. (LAUGHS) So I just moved my stuff in, and he came home and I was all settled in, and all his stuff was reorganised, and (LAUGHS) I let him stay. You let him stay? Yeah. And now you've got babies coming on through. We've got baby coming, yes. Baby coming. Daughter coming, and then it's my 50th. You've got a daughter? Yes. How exciting. Yeah, it is. A baby nutter on the way. A wee nutter, yeah. A wee nutter to add to the Village Nut team. (LAUGHS) Yup. That's a beautiful story, buddy. It was great. (CHESTNUT POPS) Whoa! You didn't score that one, buddy! (LAUGHS) Not enough. Crikey dick, there's small bombs waiting to go off in Wanaka. (LAUGHS) What's the next process with this soup? So we'll put some of these onions and garlic into the pot. Yup. Saute it up with plenty of olive oil. Yup. And then we're gonna chuck in the chestnuts, and then chicken stock. And let it cook for about 20 minutes, half an hour. Yup. And then we'll whizz it up. (TOPP TWINS' 'HIGHTIME') Oh. Man...olito Montoya. (LAUGHS) That is very good soup. Yeah, you like that? It's perfect for a cold winter's night, Jools. Who woulda thought that a common old chestnut would be so delicious? Yeah, it's really good. It's the sort of soup that doesn't fall off your bread. (LAUGHS) TWINS SING: # High time you were home. # High time. # You've been gone too long. (ALL CHEER, CLAP) That was great! That was nearly as good as my chestnuts! That's right! * Hundreds of years ago, the Maori princess Torere Nui a Rua leapt off a waka and swam ashore here on to Torere Beach. Her descendant, Vanessa Hayes, and her partner, Rod, and their family are still lucky enough to call this place home. Vanessa is the queen of the organic macadamia nut industry here on the East Cape,... ...producing over 12 tons a year. We reckon her and Rod have absolutely cracked it. Hello, darling. Hi. The queen of the tree. (CHUCKLES) Isn't she beautiful? She's awesome. How amazing she is. You've climbed her a few times, I bet. Yup, and so have many of my ancestors. I might have to give her a hug, I think. Yup, give her a tree hug. Hello, old lady. How are you? Yeah, she's 650 years plus. She's lying down, though, isn't she? She was pushed over when they put the road through. Oh, so she didn't have enough soil to hang on to, eh? No. The tree just gently slipped forward. Isn't it great, though? You can see everything. Welcome to my world. Thank you. What a brilliant world it is. My ancestors were here. This tree was here before they came, and she'll be here long after I'm gone. She's growing all these beautiful little plants here with her. Keeping the life alive in the forest, eh? She's the big mother tree, and I see myself as the mother of the macadamias that we're growing. Well, that's a pretty important job. Oh, totally. She's so magical. Not everyone's got one of these in their backyard. No. (CHUCKLES) Oh, she's just the most beautiful tree I think I've ever hung out in. Yeah, she's awesome. How many trees have you got here, buddy? Well, we've got around about 3000 trees on the three or four blocks that we're running here. We're all hand-harvesting at the moment. The trees are just starting to drop the nuts on to the ground, so, we use the rake to bring them into files, and then you use this little harvester here to pick them up. That's a fancy machine. Saves a lot of work. The macadamia is a bit of a luxury nut, isn't it? Yes, it certainly is. A good quality nut. A good, healthy nut. Very proud to be a grower of them. I actually haven't really eaten a lot of macadamia nuts because they are so expensive. I'm gonna gorge myself on macadamia nuts, I feel. They're free today, aren't they? Absolutely. Just put them in your pocket and take 'em home. Righty-oh, sounds good. I've already actually stolen one. (BOTH LAUGH) Oh, glad that you asked (!) OK, so you've got 3000 trees. How many nuts will you get? We expect to harvest around 12 tons of nuts this year. Righty-oh. Shall we go and do some harvesting? Why not? Is that my one there? That's your one. Righty-oh. Off you go. (CHORTLES) It's the macadamia marathon. (CHUCKLES) So, these are your babies, aren't they? Yes, they are. It's a good thing you don't have to bottle feed them. You'd be here all night. (BOTH LAUGH) No. And these are just babies that have just been grafted? If we have a look over here, that's a different variety on top of rootstock. Is this a preferred nut. Is that why you like it? So this one gives you a nice big kernel. The rootstock gives you good growth to give you good nuts. These are all going to the East Coast, where there's a Maori initiative to grow macadamias on underutilised land. They're so productive in this area. We want to be the macadamia capital of New Zealand. Oh, well, I reckon you'll get there with this lot. There we are. Look at that. Just cracked, just for you. You tell me what that tastes like. Oh my God. It's a baby coconut. When it's wet like that, it tastes like coconut. We don't normally eat it like this, because, as we have seen, it's too hard to get out of the shell. When you dry it, it'll come out of the shell really nicely. Yes. Dry it down, it has another flavour, and then when we roast it, it has another flavour again. Now, while we're here, we've got a few little treats. You help yourself and I'll pour this tea. Look at that. It's a macadamia macaroon, I believe. That is sensational. Chocolate and macadamia and caramel. Crunchy. You could survive on that. All of those are nuts from this orchard. All those nuts go into things like that. Sensational. I have to have some more macaroon ` gorgeous. This is a Topp Twin tree. The Topp Twin tree? When we turn our backs, some of them get a bit carried away, and the rootstock takes over. It's got a big, wayward branch there. Yup. So, we've got a tree that has two nuts. Here's Lynda's nuts. A little bit ugly and gnarly. And these are my beautiful, sweet nuts. And they're on the same tree. You've got a few people helping, though. Yes. Horticulture students come over for work experience. Cos I don't think I actually got the whole 12 ton, did I? No, I think you have to come back a few times, Lynda, to get the lot. And are you the man that's got all the knowledge about macadamias? Oh, myself and Vanessa have been taught by very well-connected people in Australia. That's amazing. Yes, they` Who would have thought some Aussies could have taught us something? (LAUGHS) Yes, no. Well, as I say... Whose dream was it? Well, Vanessa's, really. She's absolutely passionate about Maori land ownership and getting their land into production and trying to achieve what we've achieved here. Uh, Bo over here, he's been with me a couple of weeks now, learning the trade. Hello. How are you doing, Bo? Good. You excited about being a macadamia farmer? Oh, yes, yes. Looking forward to it. Good on you, buddy. Good luck with it. Well, that's about as fresh as you can get, that fish, eh? Yes. That is tarakihi. Right at the back doorstep. Oh, you can see the sea right behind us. That's going to be dropped straight into this macadamia-and-panko crumb mix. Yeah. Breadcrumb and macadamia ` was that your idea? Oh, I think it was my idea. (LAUGHS) I'd like to say it was. Oh, so you don't just grow them; you make things up in packets and sell them to people. What a genius you are. (BOTH LAUGH) They don't call me the nut lady for nothing. (BOTH CHUCKLE) And Rod's a bit of a genius too. Yeah. It takes two to tango, doesn't it? Oh, it sure does. We met on a tennis court. On the tennis court? Yeah. When I moved to Gisborne, he was in the tennis club there as well. Oh, OK. Yeah, she was a dashing young athlete, and I had eyes for her. I was a little bit scared to ask her out for a date, so I left a note on her windscreen of her car. I found a note on my windscreen... (LAUGHS) ...asking me for a date. Aw! He wrote love letters. And I thought, 'Oh, OK.' Yeah. And pinned them to the windscreen. (BOTH LAUGH) Well, that's better than getting a ticket, isn't it? I reckon. (BOTH LAUGH) And obviously, Vanessa went with you. Yes, she did. Yes, and I think that was a lucky break. (BOTH LAUGH) She's nuts about you, eh? I'm nuts about her too. Don't worry. (BOTH LAUGH) She's very passionate about anything she gets involved with. She had a dream of growing macadamias, so I became passionate about it too. Think the kids will wanna take over and do the whole thing? I think they will, because this is Maori land and it's whanau land. We'll never lose it, so... Yup. ...it'll be here long after I've gone. Just like that beautiful old pohutukawa tree. She's been around all this time. (LAUGHS) Yeah. That would be great, wouldn't it? There's our beautiful fish, Toppy. Fresh as. Grub's up! Grub's up, everybody. Come eat. Try that, Toppy. Here. Get that down your gob. Once you've tasted that, you'll never have fish without macadamia ever again. (TWINS LAUGH) (TWINS SING 'LONG-DISTANCE LOVE') # They got a long-distance love. # They got a long-distance love. # They got a long, long love. (CHEERING, CLAPPING) Well done. (COUNTRY FIDDLE MUSIC) Hazel is a girl's name and the colour of an eye. The pecan is a sweet thing when she's made into a pie. The cashew's best salty, and lovely with a beer. And the walnut looks like brains but has absolutely no idea. They're handy and delicious, there's no ifs or buts. And if you're needing protein, don't forget to eat your nuts. Ken! Ken, I think my nuts are on fire! No, they look good to me, mate. Not those ones, Ken. Oh. Oh hell. Oh. You all right, Ken?