# Put your faith in what you most believe in # Two worlds, one family # Trust your heart # Let fate decide # To guide these lives # To guide these lives we see # Put your faith in what you most believe in # Two worlds, one family # (Laughs) Goodness! Have we ever gone that fast before? Let's leap off the waterfalls next. Oh, no, Tarzan, dear. I think I'll pass this time. Really? Aren't you having fun? Oh, yes! Oh, I'd love to spend the afternoon swinging through the trees and leaping off the waterfalls, but I have some... things to do. Yes. Like what? Uh, well, like, um... laundry. Yes. Look at how dingy this skirt is. Absolutely filthy. Yes. Much laundry to do. Far too much to allow me to go playing and waterfall leaping and all those wonderful things. So, run along and see those falls. Well, if that's what you want. It is. It is. It's absolutely what I want. Now, you run along. Oh! What was that all about? Why are you trying to ditch Tarzan? Why, Terk. (Laughs) Oh, I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about. (Sighs) Very well. You caught me. You see, today marks the first anniversary of my marriage to Tarzan. Get out! You kids have been married a year already? Yes. One year to the day. (Sighs) Now, in England, couples do special things for each other on their anniversaries, so I was thinking perhaps a party or some such. (Laughs) Oh, Tarzan will be so surprised when he steps into the treehouse, and he sees` Uh, Jane, you sure this is a good idea? What do you mean, Terk? Well, Tarzan kind of has a hard time fitting into your British social events. Like, remember when your three friends came to visit? - Oh, I remember this. - (Terk squeals) It all started innocently enough... just a pleasant afternoon in the jungle. (Jane yelling) - (Gasps) Aah! - Gotcha! - (Laughs) Yes... but you've got to admit that I'm getting better at treetop tag. Yes. You act more like an ape every day. Like an ape? Uhh! Well, I never... heard such a sweet sentiment. Run! They're comin'! Who? Unhand her, you savage wild man! Eleanor? Hey! Ow! JANE: Eleanor! Greenly! Hazel! What are you doing? We've come to rescue you. - Rescue? - Stay back! - Keep away! Come, Jane! Hurry! Aah! Greenly! - Back! Back! Captain Jerrold! - Help us! (Groans) Good day, Miss Porter, Tarzan. Captain Jerrold. Ladies, I'll be heading back to the ship now. Enjoy your visit. What? No! Don't leave us here! Don't worry, Jane. We'll protect you from the savage wild man. No, no. You don't understand. No, let go. Let go! Let` Let go! I don't need to be rescued. I tried to tell them that you stayed behind by your own choice and that you were perfectly safe and happy here in the jungle, but they wouldn't listen. - And then, when I told them about the wild man` - Savage wild man. (Laughs)Tarzan is not a savage wild man. You see, he was raised from infancy by gorillas. (Gasps) Of course. Yes. One of your father's science projects. Jane, perhaps you could put it back in its cage now. Cage? He's got a cage? No, no, no, no, no. You don't understand. Tarzan's not a science project. - He's my husband. - (Both gasp) You see, professor, when you didn't return to England with Jane as scheduled, we were sure that something` Uhh! Something terrible must have happened to keep you here. Yes, and then we heard the rumours. Rumours? Oh, my. We never meant to cause so much worry. Well, as you can see, we couldn't be better. Tea? (Chokes) What an unusual flavour. - Do I taste a hint of... - Dirt? Oh, well, maybe just a hint. Sorry. It's the best we can do with dried figs and banana leaves. Oh, you've done a splendid job... considering the, uh, you know... circumstances. Yes. You have quite a quaintly-crafted little home here. Yes, it does have its own charm, doesn't it? In fact, it was originally built by Tarzan's parents. Really? Tarzan, do tell us more about your family. I-I never knew them. Poor dear. That's very sad. They were killed by Sabor, the leopard,... ALL: Oh. - ...in this room. - ALL: Oh. - Right there. - Oh, Tarzan! If it's not too much trouble, do you think that you could gather some fruit for us, dear? I'll be right back. JANE: Oh, no. No hurry. Really, take your time. So, how's it goin' with the troublemakers? They aren't troublemakers. They're Jane's friends. Eh, same thing. Personally, I don't trust anyone who wears clothes. - What are they hidin', anyway? - Mmm. I like Jane's friends. They smell nice. Yeah, well, they can smell all they want. I'm just saying, you better keep your guard up, Tarzan. Pretty soon, Jane's gonna want you to start actin' all... civilised... and then it's "good-bye, vines, hello, pants." - Jane doesn't want to... - (Rustling) (Growls) (Bird chirping) (Roaring) Aah! Nuru and Sheeta! (Growling) (Growls) (Roaring) Ha! Guess we showed them. (Chuckles) Oh, dear, Jane. Tarzan's not at all the type of man we expected you to settle down with. - Not that we don't see why you did. - Quite. He's rather robustly proportioned. Yes. Well, I'm very happy living here in the jungle with Tarzan. Happy? In the jungle? (Laughs) My, you certainly have changed. Changed? In what way? Well, what Eleanor is saying is the Jane Porter we went to finishing school with was a proper lady, and now, well, though it is quite lovely, you do live in what is essentially` A tree. You live in a tree. But I'm still that proper lady. I'm still the same Jane Porter that you went to finishing school with. I mean, with whom you went to finishing school. (Chuckles) Yes. In fact, you'll be very impressed to find that I've already organised a picnic for tomorrow. Oh! I do love picnics. So put on your Sunday best, ladies. You'll see that here in the jungle we can be quite civilised. I got fruit! (Munches) Mmm. Oh, Tarzan, this is gonna be absolutely splendid. We'll have lunch, and we'll recite sonnets, and we'll play badminton, just like those lovely picnics I hosted in England. Why, anyone who was anyone in English society always looked forward to a Porter picnic, if I do say so myself. Now, be a dear and wear your father's suit, would you? Hello, pants. Goodbye, vines. Why? Well, in the civilised world, men don't walk around in loincloths, you know. I mean, it's just not done. - I won't wear the suit. - Wh-why not? - You're embarrassed by me. - Oh, it's not like that at all. I won't pretend to be something I'm not. Tarzan! Oh. (Sighs) Gorgeous day for a picnic, isn't it? (Pants) We aren't going much further, are we, Jane, dear? - I'm afraid` Well, I hate to be a bother, but` - Our feet are killing us! - It won't be long now. - (Distant roaring) (Screams) What was that? Jane, I'm sorry to be a Nervous Nellie, but I thought I heard something! Oh, now, now. Don't be frightened. Just look around you! Why, I sort of find it rather like an English garden with` (Gasps) An English garden with a 15-foot python. Hmm. So, where is your big, strong, protective Tarzan, anyway? He was... unable to attend. But perhaps you'll enjoy this. Oh! My word. It's incredible. S-S-Spectacular. Ladies, welcome to my paradise. (Sighs) PROFESSOR: (Groans, pants) If I could just... get up this tree. Oh, dear. - Professor? - Yes, yes. I'm just on my way up to see you, and` Whoa! Oof! Ooh! No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I can manage. Heh. Eh` (Groans) Whoa! Ha! Oh, dear! Oh! Ah! Oh! (Sighs, chuckles) What was it that you wanted to see me about? You... came to see me. Oh, right, right, right, right, right, right. Yes. I heard about your little, uh... spat with Jane. She's embarrassed by me. You know Jane was raised in a society that sometimes values what others think of you more than what you think of yourself. Well, that doesn't make any sense. No, no, no, no. Much of society doesn't. If I may, Tarzan... Jane lives in your jungle world every day. Would it be so terrible to live in her civilised world for just one? No. It wouldn't. Thank you, Professor. That's my boy. (Laughs) Eh... you'll, uh... Tarzan? Yes, I should like to get down now, if you don` Hello? Hello! (Laughter) Oh, Jane, this is all so` Delightful, Jane. (Sighs) Perhaps the jungle isn't so savage after all. We can be quite civilised when we want to be. (Growling) (Snarling) (Screaming) Now, l-l-l-listen to me, you cat. You just don't even consider making us your dinner, because, you see, I mean, look at us. We're thin. We're nearly skin and bones, and I have it on good authority that the English taste quite gamy. - Indeed! - Oh, yes! They're quite gamy! - And gristly! - (Snarling) - JANE: Run! (Panicked cries) Up, up, up! Hurry! - Oh! They're coming! - We're done for! - Out of my way! - (Tree cracking) - What was that? (Women scream) (Screaming) (Sputtering) (Snarling) (Growling) (Gasps) (Hisses) Aah! Ohh! - (Growls) - (Gasps) (Women scream) (Snarling) (Screaming) (Screaming) * (Croaks) Oh, my. That was refreshing, wasn't it? Yes. Well... ahem. Jane, I don't suppose you know where we are, do you? Lost! Hopelessly lost in a savage jungle! Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration ` a bit. It's getting dark. What do we do? Now, girls, I've picked up a thing or two from Tarzan, and if there's anyone who eats, breathes, and sleeps the jungle, it's Tarzan. TERK: Introducing Mr Fancypants! Oh, you look good, Tarzan. Very civilised. Jane's gonna be so proud. TERK: Oh, darn. Would you look at that? We missed the whole picnic. Too bad. Well, if SOMEBODY didn't stop for termites. Oh, like they were gonna serve anything decent at this picnic. (Sniffs) (Sniffs) Hey, Fancypants, party's over. Come on. Let's go chase the flamingos. Mmm. Nuru and Sheeta were here. (Gasps) The panthers? Oh, no! Jane was always so nice, and her friends smelled so pretty. Oh, why, cruel fate! (Wails) Why? Um, this isn't gonna interfere with my flamingo chasin' plan, is it? Jane and her friends are still alive, and we're going to find them. Right. If we can just make it to the baboon stream, we should be able to get home, right, girls? Uh, Jane, dear, please. - We're trying our best to follow you, but I'm afraid that, well... - We're getting blisters! It's true. Oh, do forgive my thoughtlessness. Here. I know what will help. (Crunch) Oh, my shoes! You'll be able to go much faster if we just make a few minor adjustments to the wardrobe. Oh, good heavens! (Crunch) No! Oh! Ooh! Oh, no! But, Jane, they're Italian! Oh! They're patent leather! - They are` - Shoes. (Crunch) Now, step lively, girls. What if someone sees us? The only thing we have to worry about is them seeing us. How do we get around them? TANTOR: It's dark. Now I'm scared. Hello! We're with Tarzan. Panthers run at the mere sight of him. That was yesterday. Today, he's wearing pants. Huh. You got a point. This way! It's just a little algae. It'll wash right off. Here. We'll use these to breathe. Jane... I'm not sure I understand. You expect us to go under this` this filth? - It's the only way the panthers will completely lose our scent. - (Panthers snarling) (Growling) Ahh! I think we've lost them. Aah! Leech! Get it off! Ooh! Hurry! I'm growing faint! Aah! Accursed leech, it's sucking my precious lifeblood! - It's draining my marrow! It's` - A leaf. So much for keeping it quiet. Terribly sorry. Don't be, Greenly. Jane, what sort of outing is this, anyway? First you strip us to our unmentionables, and then you shove us into the muck. What? What will you have us do next? Grunt like gorillas and swing from the trees? If it keeps us alive. In case you haven't noticed, this is the jungle. It's not a garden party, and I never should have pretended it was! But right now, our survival depends upon you doing what I say without argument! Are we understood? Well, that's more like it. (Snarling) (Screaming) So, would it help if we grunted like gorillas? (Snarling) (Tarzan yells) (Gasps) Oh, Tarzan! Thank heaven! (Snarling) (Growling) (Grunting) Oh, my! I never realised Tarzan was so` so` - Brave. - Mmm! And muscular. Whoo! You say something, Eleanor? Aah! No, I didn't say` Oh, Jane! Aah! (Jane grunts) - (Growls) - (Snarls) Tarzan, no! Ow! Yee-ouch! (Growling) (Sniffing) (Gasps) Jane, no! Use this vine. Go! Jane: (Grunts) (Chuckles) Jane! (Gasps) (Grunts) (Snarling) - Go, Jane! You can do it! - You're almost there! (Growling) (Yells) - (All sigh) - She's so lucky. * Oh, Jane, thank you for a truly memorable visit. You lead a remarkable life. I envy you, Jane. You have everything ` and I do mean everything. He doesn't have a brother, does he? Or a cousin? I'm not choosy. (Crying) W-We're g-going to m-miss you so much. (Blows noisily) Oh, come, now. Show some decorum. - Bye-bye. - Bye, Jane. - Goodbye, Tarzan. (Laughs) Bye-bye. I'll miss you. I hope I see you soon. Jane... do you... miss London? Oh, well, every now and again, but my friends were right. I have changed, and I like it. So, Mr Fancypants, you think you'd be up for another round of treetop tag? You're it. (Laughs) Whee! PROFESSOR: Hello? Tarzan? Anybody? I'm getting rather hungry, you know. And so, Tarzan, Jane, and their valiant elephant friend lived happily ever after. Didn't they, Terk? - Terk? - (Chatters) - Terk? Oh! Oh! Sorry, sorry, Terk. You should've said something. I did. You must not have heard me through the two tons of butt! Anyway, Jane, maybe a party ain't the best idea. Yes. Perhaps Tarzan would be a bit uncomfortable. Maybe we'll just have a simple exchange of gifts instead. Ooh! Well, what sort of gifts do men give women in the civilised world? Oh, there are many possibilities. Perhaps a box of candy or maybe a dozen long-stemmed roses or, ooh, some rare gem. - Yes. Like a` - Like a like a diamond? Yes, Terk. Sometimes it's a diamond. And do you remember the last time Tarzan tried to get you a diamond? I do remember that. That is definitely ringing a bell or two. I wasn't asking you. I was asking her. Right. Sorry. I'll be good. Right. Yes, I remember, Terk, like it was yesterday. (Chittering) (Engine chugging) (Steam hisses) Watch yourself. These are dangerous lands. Control yourself, Merkus. We wouldn't want to give the locals the wrong impression. Don't worry. I'll set 'em right quick enough. Oh, save it for the jungle beasts, would you? We have business here. And why exactly do you want to hire a guide? Forget the guide. I can handle this place. You'll have to forgive Merkus. He's full of scientific curiosity. Sit. We are volcanologists who have come to study the volcano on the far side of your jungle. Mm-hmm. Well, there is only one man with the skills to help you. Really? And who would that be? (Clears throat) His name is Tarzan. He knows the jungle better than the animals themselves, but he won't be easy to convince. Well, I'll just let this do the talking for me. I'm afraid Tarzan doesn't speak that language. (Laughs) Nonsense. What kind of a man has no interest in money? Stop that! Unhand me! (Grunts) You can't treat me like this. If you ever try to hunt an animal in this jungle again, I will do far worse. My word. Who is that savage? That would be your guide. Mr Tarzan! Mr Tarzan, wait. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Johannes Niels, and this is my associate Merkus. Yes. Well... We've come to study the volcano on the other side of your jungle, and we need a guide to take us there. You're not here to study anything. Wait! (Laughs) You found us out. The truth is, we're going to the volcano to look for... diamonds. What are... (Imitates) Diamonds? (Laughs) Why, my dear fellow, you must get out of the jungle more often. Diamonds are precious stones of great value. (Sniffs) Why? Ooh. Well... women around the world prize them more than anything else. What's that man doing? It's traditional for a groom to give his bride a diamond ring. Is this done in England? NIELS: Oh, but of course. The bigger, the better. Of course, two months of YOUR salary won't buy much. Uh... So, Tarzan, will you be our guide? I'll think about it. Oh, I don't trust that one. We don't need to trust him, Merkus. We just need to use him. Why so quiet, hmm? I mean, you're dining with the most fascinating woman in the jungle. The only one, admittedly, but still... I was thinking about... That is, I was wondering whether... Yes? - What are weddings like back in England? - (Gasps) Oh, well... beautiful, of course. The bride's in white with lace and a train so long that it takes four flower girls just to carry it. Yes. And the men wear morning suits, and there's music and dancing and beautiful flowers and wonderful food and a gorgeous cake and... And men give their brides rings? Diamond rings. (Gasps) Oh, you should've seen the rock my cousin Gwendolyn got ` big as a strawberry. Of course, her husband is landed gentry, but... Well, then again, one English wedding is really just like another ` not like ours. I mean, who else can say that she had a gorilla for a maid of honour? What's all this about, anyway? Nothing. I was just wondering. Tarzan! Good morning. Jane, uh, good morning. I'm going... out. Right. Well, so it appears. But I'll be back later. Soon. Tonight or tomorrow or... or soon. All right, I'll take you to the volcano. Excellent. - On one condition. - Here it comes. - I want a diamond for Jane. - Oh. You drive a hard bargain. Well, all right. One diamond, it is. You sure you want to do this? Ohh. Anything for romance. Astounding. He's actually able to communicate with that beast. Oh, they're probably planning on how to cheat us out of the diamonds. I see right through that savage. You're exceptionally paranoid, Merkus. Still, you'd best keep a close watch on him. Make way. Coming through. Wide load. One side, my little jungle friends. I'm` Whoa! (Trumpets) Does he know them crates is full of explosives? Well, if it explodes, at least we'll get the ivory. Oh, my, my, my, my, my. Fascinating. Reflexive closure followed by release. Oh. (Chuckles) Daddy, why do you think that Tarzan would hide something from me? Hmm. Slight tingling, no pain. Oh! Oh! Oh! Now, that smarts. Ho ho! Because when he went out this morning, he` he acted very shifty, as if he were hiding something, - and he isn't back yet. - Uhh. Uhh. Tarzan, you say? Oh, he was on his way to the trading post. Right, right, right. Fun's over. Let go. The trading post? Well, I think I'd best get to the bottom of this. MUFFLED: Yes, yes. Right behind you, Jane. * * TARZAN: Watch your step, Tantor. (Splash) Aah! Crocodile?! (Trumpets) - Aah! - Aah! (Trumpets) - Easy now. - Nice crocodiles. - Aah! - Aah! (Hissing) (Yelling) (Snarling) (Trumpets) - Right! - Up the tree! - Aah! - (Hissing) (Growls) (Breathing heavily) Whew. We're safe. As long as the tree holds out. (Cracking) Ah, Jane. How lovely to see you. (Breathing heavily) Uhh! Ahh. Ah, yes. Just need a breath or so. One moment. - To what do I owe the honour? - Do you know where Tarzan went? Ohh! Always Tarzan. Perhaps sometime you'll come by just to see me, huh? Perhaps. Now, about Tarzan. He's guiding two men to the volcano across the jungle. What? Whatever for? None of my business, but they were rather unsavoury characters. Goodness. Did you warn Tarzan? No. I don't make it a practice to offend paying customers. You know... if something were to happen to Tarzan, I would hope this is a shoulder you could cry on. Daddy, we must get to Tarzan straightaway. (Crocodile growling) Raah! You can come down now. Thank you. BOTH: Waah! We're almost at the volcano. (Laughs) At last. I can practically smell the diamonds already. It's time, jungle man. I'm turning on you before you turn on us. What are you doing? Striking first. I said keep an eye on him. There's still a lot of digging to do, so unless you want to do all of it, you'll put that away. But I` If and when we find the diamonds, then you may do as you will with Mr Tarzan. All right, let me get this straight. Tantor and Tarzan are guiding some tough guys to the volcano across the jungle, but he didn't tell you about it? (Sighs) Precisely. I mean, I understand not telling you, but not telling me? What are they thinking? Almost ready. What does that thing do? (Boom!) You mean... They were... and I... Ohh. (Pants) It's going to take more than that to get my diamonds. (Grunts) But why would Tarzan be so secretive? We've always been entirely open with one another. Hey, it's Tarzan, all right? I mean, I'm sure he had a good reason. - Perhaps he couldn't tell you. - Whatever do you mean, Daddy? Sworn to silence. Maybe those chaps have something on him. But Monsieur Dumont said that they'd never met Tarzan before. Very well, then. Why was he being so cagey, hmm, hmm? Unless, of course, he was... Oh, no, no, no. Preposterous. (Chuckles) - Or is it? - What, Daddy? Tarzan is... A spy? It all fits. The implausible background story. I mean, raised by apes? Really. (Laughs) Hey, come on. I was there. I saw the apes, all right? But on the outside chance, who do you think he's spying for? Oh, please. There's nobody to spy on in the jungle. That's what makes it so deviously clever. Aah! Ohh. (Clinking) Mr Niels, might this be what I think it is? Yes. We must be close. Keep digging. At the risk of sounding shamelessly cliche,... we are rich! Sparkly rocks? That's what all the shouting's about? Mm-hmm. Women wear these rocks on their fingers. And they call us uncivilised. Ahh. This way, Janey. TANTOR: Terk! What are you doing here? Jane and the professor think those guys with Tarzan are bad news. - I tagged along to help out. - What kind of bad news? Oh, real bad. The worst. The ultimate pinnacle of` Hey, are those termites? Now, which one of these will Jane like? MERKUS: I don't think so, mate. You're not stealing my diamonds. I am not a thief. Maybe, maybe not, but better safe than sorry. (Grunts) - Tarzan! - Or whoever you really are. (Growls) (Grunts) Stop him! Not to worry. I planned for this. (Birds screeching) (Laughs) I showed him, eh? Eh? Showed him? You blew the whole place up! Now we'll never get the rest of the diamonds. - (Explosion) - Perhaps we should discuss this elsewhere. Like back on the boat? - (Rumbling) - Hmm. Sounds like thunder. Sorry. I got to lay off those fuzzy leaves. (Boom!) That came from the volcano! (Grunts) Well, we certainly won't be getting out the way we came in. (Crackling) And there's more bad news, I'm afraid. - The ground is on fire. - Precisely. This volcano is becoming more active by the minute. (Gasps) Oh! Oh! Ohh! We must get to higher ground. - There's no way out. - Hmm. I wonder if... - Oh, no, no, no. It's quite ridiculous. - What is it, Daddy? Well,... if the magma dome is directly under us, then perhaps the volcano's hollow core is above. Of course, it's unlikely that the top of the cave is thin enough to break through, even if there were a way to get up there. Oh. Good show, Tarzan. (Laughs) Please be careful. - What do you see? - The professor was right. It stands to reason. Hold on tight, Daddy. Hurry! Fascinating. If only we could study the magma properly. - Perhaps some other time, Daddy. - Point well taken. (Rumbling) MERKUS: The trading post is this way, I think. That jungle man would come in handy right about now. - (Hissing) - I told you. I can handle it. Oh! Is this what you call handling it? Run! (Breathing heavily) We'll` We'll just have to wait them out. They'll get bored ` eventually. - Ohh! - Daddy! Oh, thank you, my boy. Although, at this point, I fear it's for naught. Tarzan? What on Earth are you doing? - Grab hold of me. Hurry. - But we want to go up! Don't worry. We will. Is this possible? Oh! Oh! Who cares? As long as it's working. (Laughs) What now? Aah! BOTH: Aah! - Aah! - Aah! (Grunting) - (Gasps) Aah! - Oh! Sizzling hot. Far too broiling for comfort. Oh! Oh! Oh! Ooh! Ah! Ah! Oh! Ah! Ooh! Ah! (Crash) Aah! Invigorating! Extraordinary! (Laughs) There, you see? Now we can get` Up! Get up! (Yelling) Tarzan! You're alive. I hope you're not angry about that little mishap in the cavern. - NIELS: The diamonds! - No, no, no! Go back! You want to go back into that? * * Please, let me explain. This is all just a big misunderstanding. We're volcanologists. You should've let me shoot him while we had the chance! JANE: Yes, well, you can explain that to the authorities as well. TANTOR: In the end, justice was served ` jungle justice. Well, that's a very nice story, but I don't see what it has to do with our anniversary. Well, Tarzan felt bad when he thought he was supposed to give you a diamond, and that was just a regular day. So, imagine how he's going to feel... When I step in with an anniversary present, and he has nothing for me. (Sighs) He'll be crushed. - (Yelling) - Good heavens! - Wow! Incoming! - Hit the deck! (Coughing) Daddy? Is that you? (Groans) What's left of me, Janey, dear. What happened? Well, I was conducting a scientific experiment to determine if there is a combustible reaction between sodium dichloronate and bicarbonate of nitrate. I take it the answer is yes. You bet your sweet boopie it's yes! Anyway, what brings you all here? Well, as you know, Tarzan and I have been married a year, so we were just discussing what I should do to mark the occasion. Terk and Tantor have already rejected my previous ideas. Well, you know, a party would make him feel bad. And a gift would make him feel even worse. All right, then. Maybe we could, I don't know, dance beneath the moonlight? Ah, splendid idea, Janey. You can do a nice waltz. (Hums waltz) Or a tango. (Hums tango) Maybe even a fox trot. (Hums fox trot) # Rum bum, rum bum bum bum # Uh, guys? Tarzan and dancing? You remember the last time he danced? Oh, yes. That wasn't a happy occasion at all. (Machine gun firing) (Firing) (Firing) (Birds squawking) (Firing) Blast! Aah! (Boom) Sorry, Nigel, old boy. (Trees rustling) And now, Jane Porter, I turn my attention to you. PROFESSOR: Connect antenna. Right-O. Next. Insert germanium diode "A" into receiver base "B." Germanium... Germanium diode? Absurd. What would I be doing with one of those in the jungle? (Mutters) But, I dare say, I can jerry-rig this waffle iron. Oh, good heavens. Forgot breakfast again. What are you doing, Professor? Huh? Oh, yes. I'm building a radio, dear boy ` a two-way radio. Against my better judgment I ask, what's a radio? Oh. It's a device that allows us to communicate with people very far away. - Like people in England? - Oh, I should hope so. Love to see who's winning the test matches in cricket. (Laughs) Now, I just need one more wire for the tuner. (Stammers) It was here somewhere before. I don't... Oh, dear. I appear to be all out. But this might do the trick. Ow! I thought you humans were big on "please" and "thank you." (Tuning) (Laughs) Ah, there, you see? # Hem hem hum ha ha Oh, this is a favourite. # Hem lum bum bum bum # Lem pum rum pum (Gasps) Oh, Daddy! Strauss! How delightful. # Da da da da dum # Dum dum, dum dum # Da da da da dum, dum dum # Oh, come, Tarzan, dance with me. (Laughing) Ohh! (Laughs) (Sizzling) Hmm. Looks like I'll need another hair. (Both laugh) (Laughs) (Sighs) That was very nice, Tarzan, but not quite a waltz. - (Distant motor whirrs) - What is that? - Well, it's a three-step ballroom dance in triple meter. - No. What is that? Duck! (Engine sputtering) - Big duck. - It's an aeroplane, and I think it's in trouble. It's headed for the river. Oh, dear. Perhaps I can pick up the pilot on my radio. (Ratcheting) TARZAN: Are you all right? Unhand me, sir. I'm an officer in her Majesty's service. I-I thought you might need help. My good fellow, I have yet to meet the trouble I cannot handle. Bobby? Bobby Canler. - I can't believe it's you! - (Laughs) Brainy Janey. Surprised to see me? (Laughs) Absolutely. TERK: What'd I miss? What'd I miss? The beginnings of a very juicy love triangle. Oh, sweet. This could get good. - Whatever are you doing here? - Oh, you know, on a mission for the queen. But she was good enough to give me a few days off, so I thought I'd pop down and look you up. Oh, I'm so glad you did. However did you find me? My dear, your friend Hazel is the biggest gossip on the British Isles. I think all of London knows you're here. I'm Tarzan, Jane's husband. (Laughs) Oh, I'm sorry, Tarzan. This is Robert Canler. We practically grew up together. Robert, this is Tarzan. Ah, yes. The chap who came to my rescue. Sir, you have deprived England of the finest woman in the empire. Congratulations. Thank you. - (Crunch) - Now leave. Tarzan! Where are your manners? I don't trust him. When I look in his eyes, it's like Sabor is looking back. Who the devil is Sabor? Tarzan, you're being ridiculous. I've known Bobby since I was 5. He's my oldest friend. - PROFESSOR: Help! - (Sniffs) Fire. Daddy! Oh, it was just getting good. (Flames crackling) Oh! Aah! Help! Jane! (Jane screams) Shall we leave the flying to me? Daddy! Are you in there? Yes, yes, yes. My latest attempt at radio has had some rather incendiary results. (Hissing) Sorry to steal your fire, old boy, but it was beginning to look a bit nasty. - Are you all right? - I'm fine. (Coughs) I'm afraid your radio will need just a bit of retuning, Professor. Yes, quite so. I... Um, do I know you from somewhere? No, no, no. Don't tell me. - You're my cardiologist in Khartoum. - No. - The allergist in Algeria? - No. The urologist in the Urals? He was our next-door neighbour in Knightsbridge, Daddy. - You remember Robert Canler. - Little Bobby Canler! Why, of course. All grown up now, I see, eh, what? Splendid to see you, dear boy. Say, you wouldn't by chance know who's winning the test matches in cricket, would you? England over Australia by eight wickets. Oh, bully. Spot on. Good for them. (Laughs) Oh, Bobby, I simply don't know how to thank you. Well, it was a long flight, and a spot of tea would do wonders. Oh, absolutely. Coming, Tarzan? No. He's a bad man, Jane. My, my. Look who's jealous. I'm not jealous. I just don't trust him. You don't trust Robert? Very well. You certainly trust me, don't you? - Well,... yes. - Well, then that should be enough. Please join us when you're in a more civilised mood. I apologise for Tarzan. He's not usually like that. Oh, I suppose he's feeling threatened - or some other silly jealous notion. - HUSHED: Where is it? Where is it? As if there could be anything between us. I mean, you're practically a brother to me. Yes, yes. Quite right, Jane. HUSHED: Where is it? - (Screeches) - Good heavens! (Chattering) Robert, are you snooping? Um, yes. Caught me red-handed, I'm afraid. Jane, do you recall a small music box I gave you just before you left London? Hmm. I believe so. - Porcelain, wasn't it? - That's the one. - You don't happen to still have it, do you? - Well, I might. To tell you the truth, I'm not quite sure. It` It was my mother's, you see, and, well,... there's someone back home I'd very much like to give it to. Well, I'd best have a look, then, shouldn't I, hmm? Perfect. Thank you so much, Jane. Ha. Right. Now all I need is that bit of wire. Perhaps a bit of nice wiry elephant hair would do the trick. Don't mind me. I just need to borrow a strand or two. Stop! I have sensitive hair follicles. - Come, now. In the name of science. - No, no, no, no, no! PROFESSOR: Tantor! Come back! The cricket match is about to start. Let's go over this one more time. You didn't go with them because... I don't like tea, and I don't like Canler. - And you're jealous. - I am not. Right. Why would you be jealous? I mean, sure, Canler's dashing and cultured and well-groomed. In other words, everything you're not. So why would you even consider being jealous? Maybe you're right. I thought there was something else, but maybe I am just jealous. Tarzan, Jane loves you. And you should know by now that ain't ever going to change ` ever. You're right, Terk. Thanks. Humans. They make this relationship stuff so complicated. * Ah. Here it is. Excellent. Thank you, Jane. Don't thank me yet. We'd better make sure it still works. - (Music plays) - (Sighs) Oh, this takes me right back. Robert, do you remember the dance classes that we took as children? Ah, yes. And as I recall, you had two left feet. I'll have you know I've become quite an accomplished dancer. Mmm. I'm sure you've picked up a few steps from the gorillas. Sir, prepare to eat your words. (Music box playing) - (Both laugh) - Here it comes. - Whoo! Tarzan? Ohh. Oh, dear. Robert, I'm afraid Tarzan has gotten a dreadfully wrong idea about us. Terribly sorry, Jane. Well, perhaps I should just take my music box and ship off. Well, under the circumstances, I do think that that would be best. I'm sorry that you came all the way here only to` Oh! (Crash) (Tapping) Well, what's all this? (Chuckles) Robert, you're not some kind of secret agent, are you? Actually, Jane, it's more like a double agent. Terribly sorry you stumbled across my code machine, Jane. Code machine? (Gasps) A British code machine? Quite. And the chaps on the other side are willing to pay handsomely for it. Then why did you give it to me? Ah. Heh. British intelligence was hot on my trail, so as you were leaving the country, I slipped it to you for safekeeping. Of course I never expected you to stay in Africa. Robert, you're betraying England. How could you? Hmm. Is it too lowbrow to say I did it for the money? Perhaps. Is it too highbrow to say "God save the queen"? Aah! Oof! (Sighs) She always was high-spirited. (Grunts) (Pants) Oh! All right, Jane. Time to stop being a clumsy Clara and use what Tarzan's taught you. (Grunts) Ooh. So far, so good. (Grunts) (Grunts) (Grunts) (Screams) (Bellows) Oh, dear. Whoa! Ooh! Stop it! Stop! Eee! Oh! Ow! ROBERT: Well played, Jane. But I simply can't have you running off and telling others about me. The crown takes a rather dim view of high treason. - (Gunshot) - (Birds screeching) MAN: Now, I promise you, that was the last warning shot. - (Roars) - Ohh! (Tarzan yells) (Roaring) (Bushes rustle) I say, old chap, good show. - Who are you? - Oh. Y-Yes. I suppose proper introductions are due. Captain Nigel Taylor of her Majesty's Royal Air Force, counterintelligence division. Your friend is already here. - Friend? - Robert Canler. Sir, Robert Canler is not my friend. He's a rather dastardly scoundrel. Are you sure you're not just jealous? Jealous? Canler stole secret codes. He betrayed our country. He shot me out of the sky. - He betrayed your family? - You might say that. My good fellow, Robert Canler is a bad man ` a very bad man, indeed. My apologies for the spartan accommodations, Jane. I hope you're comfortable. - Fit to be tied, actually. - I'm sorry it has to be this way, Jane. I truly am. TAYLOR: Who-o-oa! Blast! Canler's eluded me again. Tarzan, where are you going? We` We can't possibly stop him now. You can't. I can. (Grunts) My, how dramatic. Oh, what a bothersome chap. Tarzan! Jane! Ah, ah, ah. Not too close. Your Tarzan's a tenacious fellow. You have no idea. ROBERT: Blast it, man. Fall off already. - TARZAN: Let Jane go! - Sorry, old bean. That's not an option. JANE: Tarzan, no! Someone has to fly the plane! Oh, preferably someone who knows how. Oh, I hope Daddy got that radio working. Ohh. As I told you before, I have yet to meet the trouble I cannot handle. (Grunts) Um, Professor? Yo, Professor, you here? All right, the coast is clear, Tantor. Whew! The last thing I want is him plucking one of my precious hairs. (Professor imitates Tarzan's yell) PROFESSOR: Ho ho! Got it. Ow! Ow! My scalp! My scalp! Oh. Actually, it didn't hurt a bit. Of course it didn't. I'd never hurt a friend like you, Tantor. Perish the thought. (Laughs) Now we'll finally be able to listen to those cricket finals. JANE ON RADIO: Help! Daddy, can you hear me? Janey? Whatever are you doing at the cricket finals? I'm aboard Robert's aeroplane. (Chuckles nervously) Which brings up an interesting topic. You don't happen to know how to fly a plane, do you? Well, I have read a thing or two on the subject. Now, let's see. Hmm. I believe you push forward on the yoke to tilt upwards. JANE: Aah! - Or is it pull back? - Pull back, pull back, pull back! Ah, yes. I believe you're right, Jane. It is pull back. - Sounds right to me. - Oh, suddenly you're an expert? Now, landing is quite simple. Just keep the nose up. Right. Nose up. Right. Aah! Ohh! All right, all right! You win. Gentlemen? Brace yourselves. It's going to be a bumpy ride. Uh, I do believe we have a problem. Oh, good show, Tarzan! Simply marvellous! Yes, indeed. I hope you don't think me ungrateful, Tarzan, but I have a code machine to deliver. And don't try to follow me, or I shall be forced to cut this vine. Oh, and, Jane, it was ever so good seeing you again. Ta-ta. I wish the feeling was mutual. Tarzan! (Grunts, strains) Aah! Help! JANE: Help! Jane. (Screams) (Grunting) (Grunts) - Aah! - No! Oh! Well done, Robert. - Well done. - Thank you, Jane. So, Tarzan, no harm, no foul, right? - Land the plane ` now. - ROBERT: Just thought I'd ask. That ought to hold even a scoundrel like you, Canler. Don't worry about me, Janey. With the possible exception of Tarzan, there's no trouble I can't handle. TAYLOR: Perhaps. The courts may have a different opinion. Goodbye, Robert. Not goodbye, Jane ` just "until the next time." (Sighs) Well, your instincts were right, Tarzan. Robert was up to no good. Yes, but he did save you, so maybe there is some good in him. (Sighs) All's well that ends well, I guess. Jane, do you recall how hurt Tarzan was when he saw you dancing with Bobby? Yes. Well, I'm afraid asking him to dance may reopen those old wounds. Oh, so now what am I left with? I can't have a party. I can't give a gift. I can't even dance with my own husband on our anniversary. Uh, Jane... anniversaries are very... civilised notions, and Tarzan isn't a civilised man. All right, then. So be it. (Clanking) (Sighs) Happy anniversary, Jane Porter. ALL: Surprise! - What is this? - Our anniversary party. - (Laughs) Party? - It's our anniversary, Jane. (Gasps) Tarzan, you're wearing your father's suit. Uh, yes. I thought I should be better dressed for a party. Ah. You three knew all along. Guilty as charged. (Laughs) - Jane, there's more. - More? What more could I possibly want? How about this? (Gasps) Oh, Tarzan, it's` it's huge! Did this come from the diamond mine? (Chuckles) Yes. I've been waiting for the right moment to give it to you. You understand my world better than I ever thought. Just as you understand mine. (Music playing) # Singin' to the song of life # Movin' to the heartbeat # Singin' to the sun and sky # I'm flyin' # Singin' to the song of life # Livin' every moment # Singin' to the day and night # I'm tryin' # Hard to believe # It's not just a dream # Singing the song # Living the song of life (Playing bass solo) (Tuned percussion playing) (Playing trumpet) # I hear the song of the moon and stars # I hear the children sing # It's a celebration # Of every heart # Of every living thing # Singin' to the song of life # Movin' to the heartbeat # Singin' to the sun and sky # Oh oh oh # Singin' to the song of life # I'm flying, yeah # Singin' to the day and night # I'm tryin' # Hard to believe # It's not just a dream # Singing the song # Living the song of life (Vocalising) # Livin' # the song of life (Music playing) - # There's a rhythm - # Oh, yeah - # There's a rhythm - # Oh, yeah # Singin' to the song of life # Oh, yeah # Singin' to the song of life # There's a rhythm of this world # In every nation # Ooh # A never-ending song # Of celebration # Celebration # A song that dances on the wind # Sieving through the trees # It's opened up my world and sky # And made them new for me # Singin' to the song of life # Movin' to the heartbeat # Singin' to the sun and sky # I'm flyin' # Singin' to the song of life # Livin' every moment # Singin' to the day and night # I'm tryin' # Hard to believe # It's not just a dream # Singing the song # Livin' the song of life # Oh, yeah # Ooh, yeah # Ohh # Sailin' on the summer night # Flying high # High # Flying # Dancing to the beating of our hearts # In paradise # Paradise # I hear the song of the moon and stars # I hear the children sing # It's a celebration of every heart # Of every living thing # Singin' to the song of life # Movin' to the heartbeat # Singin' to the sun and sky # I'm flyin' # Singin' to the song of life # Livin' every moment # Singin' to the day and night # I'm flying # Singin' to the song of life # Movin' to the heartbeat # Singin' to the sun and sky # I'm flyin' # Singin' to the song of life # Livin' every moment # Singin' to the day and night # I'm trying # Hard to believe # It's not just a dream # Singin' the song # Livin' the song of life # Livin' the song of life # Livin' the song of life # Livin' the song of life # I hear the song of the moon and stars # I hear the children sing # It's a celebration of every heart # Of every living thing # Singin' to the song of life # Movin' to the heartbeat - # The heartbeat - # Singin' to the sun and sky # Oh, oh, oh, I'm flyin' # Singin' to the song of life # Livin' every moment # Singin' to the day and night # Ohhh # Singin' to the song of life # Yeah # Singin' to the sun and sky # Oh, oh, oh, I'm flyin' # Singin' to the song of life # Singin' to the sun and sky # Singin' to the day and night # I'm tryin' # Hard to believe # It's not just a dream # Singin' the song # Livin' the song of life # www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.