Pigsy, my love. You're so good to me. Is he the real deal? Looks like it. 500 years, stuck in a rock. I thought it was a made-up story. Do you know who I am? Looks like you're dying to tell me. I'm the Monkey King, and I've been freed from my rock prison by this little monk and... Anyway! Hi, handsome. I have received a figure in exchange for the captured gods. Tell your boss to double it and we'll talk. No. Here is half the payment. The rest on delivery. My men will be here at sunset to make the exchange. PRINCESS LOCKE: Boom! You filthy demonic slime ball! I will release on you a tsunami of rage and fire so furious that nothing but your stupid shoes will be left smoking on a barren plain of your lost dreams. Ooh, bold god! I like it. We have plans for you, O Monkey King, so sit back, relax, shut up, and enjoy my hospitality. -(PRISONERS COUGH) -(LOCKE LAUGHS) What about the monk? Kill him. There's a stream over that ridge. Follow it. And don't ever return to this town. Locke told you to kill me. Well, you just caught a break, so take it. I don't understand. Go, before I change my mind. What are you doing? I'm Tripitaka. That's nice, but at this point, you should be running for your life. What's stopping you from killing me? - OK, I'm gonna count to three. - What's your real name? - One... - I don't think you're a demon. - Two... - And you're not a human. - Three... - So, who are you? (GRUNTS) Seriously, three. Don't let me see you again. Where's my staff? They took the weapons, and they took Tripitaka. You let them? We were asleep. You were having a nightmare. Very bad. Awful. Twitching, moaning. Why did they take the monk? I don't know. How would I know? (GASPS) Is this a guessing game? Can I borrow that? Sure. You can keep it if you like. - Symbol of friendship. - Can you please stop talking? I can't do things when you're talking. Never work, you know. (WHISPERS) Sorry. -I wouldn't take it personally. -(MONKEY GRUNTS) This prison was built to hold gods. Only a god can build a prison strong enough to hold a god. (WHISPERS) Exactly. PIGSY: Mmm. Mmm! Mm. MONICA: You should feel ashamed of yourself. Thanks. I am. Most days. How do you tuck yourself up into bed each night and feel anything but deep self-hatred? How do you wake up every morning and not wanna go to the beach, dig yourself a hole up to your chin and wait for the tide to come in and wash...you...clean? If it wasn't me, some other strongarm would step up and take my place. - That was a monk. - We all do what we have to do to survive, Monica. Killing monks is a whole new level of low for you, sunshine. I didn't kill the monk. I don't kill humans. So then, where... where is she...um, he? Far from here, I hope. * -(SANDY WHISPERS) Monkey! -Hm? Look. Over there. -MONKEY: What are we looking at? -Do you see a fissure? A what? A crack in the wall. Here's what's going to happen. Have you got a pencil? Sorry, of course. (CLEARS THROAT) Alright, behind Locke's palace is a waterfall. That's how she controls the town's water supply. Can you skip to the end? I was gifted with the elemental power to control water. Now, we may not be able to break out of here from the inside, but... ..if I can direct pressure of the waterfall through that fissure from the outside... And here I was thinking you were dead weight. Let's do it. (EXHALES) (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) You said 'waterfall'. (SNIFFS) Oh, yeah, smells more like a sewage pipe, doesn't it? (GRUNTS) (TENSE MUSIC) (TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES) You have gotta be kidding me. (SIGHS) Damn! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) -Oh! -Ohh! Arggh! Thank you. I should send you flying over the town wall. You've caused me more trouble than you know... and half my lunch. I am sorry. You can't be seen here. Do you understand that? Really? That's working for you? (MONKEY GRUNTS) There must be a way out of here. You really don't like being in here, do you? I have been stuck in a rock for 500 years! You can see how this might be SLIGHTLY depressing. I can. I can see that. I know. Let's play a game. Ask me anything. About me. Anything. Why didn't you leave the town? You're a god. You could've left anytime. OK, didn't think it'd be something quite so personal. You said 'anything'. SANDY: I was born into a world where there were no gods. All I could do was hide. I got used to hiding. I felt safe hiding. I did it so long I couldn't see any other way. My turn. Have you ever been in love? I don't wanna talk anymore about anything. -That means yes. -No, it doesn't. It means I am more focused on our present situation - getting us out of here! I'm sure Tripitaka will think of something. Hate to break it to you, but that monk is dead. I wouldn't be so sure of that. (UPBEAT MUSIC) (CHEERING AND LAUGHTER) SONG: # Oh, oh, hey! # Oh, oh, hey! (RATTLING) # Oh, oh, hey! # Oh, oh, hey! # VOICEOVER: Tic Tac. Refresh every little moment. * Thank you for saving me, but I'm not leaving. - What? -I'm going back to save my friends. -No, you're not. You're going back to wherever it is you came from. -Go back to your monastery. -No, I won't. This is where I have to be. Look, Pigsy, I know you're a god. That's why you didn't kill me and that's why you saved me from that demon. You can't help your true nature. I do a pretty good job of it most days. I sell gods to demons. I evict families from their homes. -I do what a demon tells me to. -To get by. But you don't kill people and you won't kill me. Well, we're in a pickle, then, because I told Locke you were dead. And if she sees you, I will be a liar, and my life will not be worth living. There's a solution for both of us. Yes! You walk away, and I go back to my ribs. You can help yourself too, you know. We can defeat Locke together. Locke is stronger than you think. She has an army of highly trained guards, and come sunset, the demon sentinels will descend on this town like thunder. I'm sorry, Pigsy. There's no other path for me to take. (PEOPLE FIGHT OUTSIDE) -Tripitaka... -I'll explain later. -What is this? -This is Pigsy. He's gonna help us get out of here. - I want to hear it from him. - I know. It's hard to believe. I'm not even sure I believe it. But this is happening. Apparently. PRINCESS LOCKE: You're all useless! PIGSY: Oh! This way. -Come on. -Wait, what are you doing? Thought you were breaking us out. Through here. PRINCESS LOCKE: Do I have to do everything myself? Right! PRINCESS LOCKE: Hurry up! Open it! Do none of you have a key?! Go get me a key! -Wait. What about you? -I'll meet you at the town gate. I have unfinished business. Find them and quickly! PIGSY: That's the lot. Everything you've ever given me. I'm leaving. Someone's having a moment. How about we forget this happened? Pick up your jewels. Round up the gods. We'll collect the rest of the money, get a curry in and I'll tickle your feet for ya. No. No! No more curry nights! There will be no god delivery today. What do you think'll happen when they show up and the gods aren't here? They'll destroy everything. They'll kill everyone in the village and they'll take all my stuff! They won't. It's the gods they want. And what about me, huh? Who will take care of me? -You can take care of yourself! -But I don't want to. (CHUCKLES) Why would you give all this away? You're no good for anything else. I'm not entirely sure. You did it, Tripitaka. You found a way to rescue us. I had a little help. But it was you who convinced him to change his ways. Can we clam the sticky reunion until we're actually safe? That might take a while. We can take these cream puffs. There's only three of them. Oh. Tripitaka, any idea when your new friend might be joining us again? Arggh! Ahh... -TRIPITAKA: Are you OK? -Ohh! I'm fine. It's not the first time a woman's thrown me off a four-storey balcony. Yaaaahhh! (GRUNTS) Can someone tell me what the plan is? I think I've got a mild concussion. You take your crazy ex-girlfriend. We'll take the rest. You gods think you're so damn smart. (ALL GRUNT) -Ahh! -Ohh! -Oh! -Ahh! Oh! Ahh! Uhh... (GRUNTS) -Ohh! -We had a good thing going. -Stop this now! -I can't! -I'm living a lie! -Oh, really? You think your hands aren't dirty? (CACKLES) You're rolling in it, you poor husky sod! Ahh, 'husky's just a polite word for 'fat'! Ohh! Ugh! You knock me down and five more will take my place. Look forward to it. Guards! I said, "Guards!" Good people of Palawa... ...hear me now. For years, you have suffered under the sickly sweet oppression of this princess demon. But on this day, my friends and I are willing to offer you your freedom. On this day, we will rid the town of this perfumed pestilence once and for all. Should anyone have a problem with that,... ...feel free to come and have a chat. This is not the end of this! Demon forces are stronger than ever before! You have no idea what you're walking into! Everything he sees is coming true. He knows everything, you moron! I bought this many years ago. Blesses the journey of the gods. Promises them good spirits, courage, luck and fortitude. Well, that's what it says on the label, anyway. Thank you for everything, Monica. You're a good girl. Take care of yourself. Sure you haven't left anything behind? Well, if I have, I can buy it on the road. It's too late now. SANDY: And so our heroes set off on their journey west, united not only by their quest to vanquish the demons and find the Sacred Scrolls, but through the bonds of friendship and an unspoken desire to become the family that they themselves never had. Too presumptuous? (ALL CHEER) TRIPITAKA: I feel my master's spirit smile, and perhaps he can rest easy, knowing that we four - though not the four he imagined - take the first steps towards fulfilling his hopes. He believed in the Monkey King and Tripitaka. I believe in us too. MAN: What are we to make of these new friends? You know you can't trust anyone but yourself. That's why the only friends I keep are the ones I make by my own hand. Amazing what you can create with the hair of a god. (MAN CACKLES)