Na ninekah alookah enumbah 1 www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Able 2018 (BIRDS CHIRP) Oh, look, it's the Monkey King! (SNIFFS) Oh! TRIPITAKA: Monkey had scattered the seven scrolls to every known corner of the world, and our mission was to get them back. We were travelling to the Mountain of Fruit and Flowers, where the first of the Sacred Scrolls was hidden. I am Tripitaka. At least that's who my friends think I am. When you pretend to be someone else, you can never really let your guard down. PIGSY: Arghh! How much further is this Mountain of Fruit and Flowers? It was much closer when I was travelling by cloud. However far, it's worth it to find one of the Sacred Scrolls. If we make it. Has anyone got any water? You are carrying half a village on your back, and you didn't bring water? We can drink from that cactus. (PIGSY GRUNTS) (SNIFFS) Is it meant to smell like that? They call it the rotten corpse cactus, but it's not poisonous. (MONKEY CLEARS THROAT) (GAGS) It's better than dying of thirst. Is it? Is it really? Sandy, you must be thirsty. I am severely dehydrated, but I'll wait till we get to the lake. What lake? The lake behind that ridge. Why didn't you say anything? Just did. Whoo-hoo! -Whoo-hoo! -Whoo! MONKEY: Oh! SANDY: You're not coming in? We've been travelling for days. It's not that. I...can't. I'm not permitted to bathe with others. It's a monk thing. No-one's here to see you. We won't tell anyone. It's not about who sees him. It's about doing the right thing. I'll have a bath when you're finished. (BANDITS SHRIEK) Good day, travellers. I am the Monkey King. We'll take your weapons. We'll also keep the shoes. You may then go on your way. And, uh, if we don't agree? We destroy you. Sorry, I didn't quite catch your name. I am Affe. I have been chosen by the great Monkey King's spirit. I am the keeper of his legacy. His power lives within me. -You know who you're talking to? -Quiet, little wise man. And what legacy do you keep? Dirty fighting? We protect the Monkey King's sacred relic from demons. Demons like you. Tell me about your Monkey King. He was courageous, and skilled in combat. And? He was a symbol of hope in the battle against the great demon scourge. -And? -And... He's also very handsome. (BANDITS GASP) It's him! I'm unsure what's happening right now. I am the Monkey King. And I am pleased to meet you. Well... Well, the Monkey Clan's greatest dream has come true. We are your humble servants. -All hail the Monkey King! -All hail the Monkey King! All hail the Monkey King! All hail the Monkey King! All hail the Monkey King! All hail the Monkey King! Uh, can I have my boots back, please? -(PERCUSSIVE MUSIC PLAYS) -(WHOOPING) -(ANIMATED CHATTER) -Amazing! It's amazing! It's amazing! Whoo! My family. He has come. 500 years ago, our forefathers made a promise to protect the sacred scroll Monkey entrusted to us with our lives. And ever since, we have waited for the day in the hope that he would one day return, and now that day has finally come! (CHEERING) Whatever you want, benevolent leader, it's yours. I would rip my heart from my chest and give it to you if you asked. -Does he seem a little... -Odd? He's crazy. -To the Monkey King! -The Monkey King! At last we can see for ourselves, brothers and sisters, the king who can harness thunder and fly upon a cloud. (GASPS) Owner of the magical wishing staff who can shrink himself to the size of a bee and sting the whole world. Sting the world? Our Monkey King! (BANDITS WHOOP) Thank you. Uh... It's good to be back. Monkey, splinter yourself into a hundred exact and perfect replicas of yourself. -MAN: Yeah! -Call up your cloud! Let us see you fly through the sky on your cloud! -Yeah! -Whoo! I'm afraid that, uh, due to my many centuries of imprisonment, some of those powers are momentarily diminished. (DISAPPOINTED SIGHING) Some. Some. But not all. Yes! Yes! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) So, who wants to smash some demon skulls? -Me! -(BANDITS YELL) Who wants to join me and create a Monkey army? (CHEERING) Let's carve our own path through this so-called demonic reign! -Let's do it! -Who will stand up? -Yeah! -I'm standing! It's time to take the fight to our enemy! -Yeah! -(BANDITS YELL) BANDITS: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! -Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! -Monkey King! Monkey King! Monkey King! 1 -(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS) -Whoo! Whoo! Uh, I'm used to eating like this, you know. A banquet for every meal, pillows of the softest feathers. But it all came at a cost. Ah. I know that look. Oh, no, we're just friends. We work together. -You need some advice? -Yes. -Anything. -Can you dance? -No. -So don't dance. That's your advice? The message is work to your strengths. You'll get there. So I got all of these at the Jade Palace. And this, I had to fight 12 demons. It wasn't easy. And this, I don't remember where I got that from. Can we talk? Disperse. These people might not like it when they realise that you're lying to them. -An army? -Who says I'm lying? These are good people. They fight the good fight. We came to retrieve the first ancient scroll, that's all. Who's to say training an army of bandits isn't a better plan? -I do, because it isn't. -Who made you ruler and judge? You would abandon everything the Scholar has worked for, the entire Resistance, just so you could be adored by a bunch of derelicts and sycophants. -Are you really that shallow? -You know what I think? You and the Scholar spent too much time with books and not enough time in the real world. Maybe he wasn't as smart as he led you to believe. Did you ever stop to think about that? And besides, he's dead, so who cares what he thought? (CHANTS) Na ninekah alookah... -(RINGING) -Arggh! I'm glad he's not here. He would be so disappointed in you. AFFE: For 500 years, we have kept the scroll safe by cultivating and maintaining a series of traps so that no-one could ever find it on foot. However, as the esteemed cloud is not available to you at the present time, that is the only way for us to retrieve it. Which is why I present to you two of our finest warriors, well versed in the traps and how to disarm them. I present to you Jiro and Bobbo. I'm Jiro. My great-great-great-great... great-great... ..great-grandparents helped design and build the cleverness that protects the scrolls. And I am Bobbo. I'm the smartest member of the Monkey Clan to be born. I have studied the ancient maps and have devised some more modern ways to disarm and outwit the perils we will encounter within. OK. Lead the way. Monkey. I will get the scroll for you, monk. But that doesn't mean I have forgiven you. (DISTANT HOWLING) Left. No, right. Wait. (BUZZING) Do you hear that? And so we find the ancient fire wasps. Magnificent! BOBBO: Too many stings and you'll scratch yourself until... Well, until there's nothing left to scratch. Disarm the trap. You got this, Bobbo. Remember the training. We've been waiting for this moment. He did it! All hail the Monkey King! All hail the Monkey K... (BUZZING) -Bobbo! -Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, stay in one place so I can hit you! Agh! Quickly, wise man, quickly! -Hurry, this way. -Wait, what about the others? We'll meet them at the Temple of the Scroll. Look, don't worry, I know my way around this forest. MONKEY: Tripitaka! Tripitaka! Oh. Where is that monk now? Don't worry, Affe will protect him. What is up with you two anyway? You've been at it all morning. Wouldn't have something to do with that speech you made at the banquet, would it? What are you talking about? What is wrong with my speech? I had a few notes. Well, for one thing, you did kind of promise to take an entire clan of delinquent tree pirates on a secret mission. We are all on our own journey. Before we met your little fan club here we were all actually on the same journey. Even if I was in a position to be lectured to, which I'm not, you're the least qualified person to do so. Just calling it like I see it. We've got more important things to worry about. Let's go. Let's go! 1 -Please. -Thank you. You're so kind. I mix it with forest herbs. It's an old family recipe. Maximum hydration. No, please. Drink more. There she is. The sacred scroll is in that shrine. MONKEY: That's it? What are we waiting for? Don't-don't worry, Monkey King. We got this. The traps are timed to a sequence which Jiro and I have both studied since birth. BOTH: Take a step Not right but left Then two to the front Then back, let's check. Five steps to the middle Then wait one breath The stone will crash And then we dash -JIRO: Seven paces to the... -BOBBO: Nine paces to the... -Did you just say nine? -Yeah. What did you say? -Seven. -Huh. And you wanted to form an army with these people. I liked being a leader. Everyone doing what you say. Sometimes it gets annoying, everyone looking at you for answers. "Affe! Affe! Show us the way!" But I liked it. I liked it very much. In fact, I'd do anything to hold onto it. I hope we find the others soon. I don't like being alone with you. Excellent. How are you feeling? I'm frightened, I don't know where to go next and I'm afraid everyone will find out all the things they don't know. My special recipe. It's good for thirst. It's also good for getting people to tell you the truth. You can't lie now, monk. Neither can I. -Fun times. -I really don't like you. I wish I didn't like you, but I feel strangely compelled to be around you. What is that? Hey, hey, settle down. Settle down, monk. You had a lot of the truth water. It can make you feel a little dizzy if you're not used to it. I don't want to have to tie you up. Which must be the truth. (LAUGHS) There doesn't seem to be a discernible pattern. At least not that I can see. How about we send a volunteer? Well, there are two of you. MONKEY: Enough of this. We are gods. If we combine our powers, there must be a way to overcome this. Isn't that why we've been chosen? Tell me your secrets, Tripitaka. My name's not Tripitaka and I'm not a monk. Whoa. What are you? I'm just a girl pretending to be a monk, pretending to be Tripitaka. (LAUGHS) A girl? That is so devious! You really are something else. I have every mind to make you my wife. That's never gonna happen. I'll have to kill you soon anyway. Can't have two of us knowing how to control the Monkey King. Better yet, I'll get Monkey to do it in front of the others. Mm, today is gonna be a good day. There is no way that Monkey will ever hurt me. Really? I want you to tell me the chant. I want you to tell it to me right now. Na ninekah alookah enumbah kudantai calaporeekah. Na ninekah alookah enumbah kudantai calaporeekah. This is the grand summation of our combined powers? I don't remember seeing you throwing out any suggestions. -It appears to have broken. -Broken? It is 500 years old. Where is it? This is not possible. My people have guarded this for hundreds of years. Maybe it's supposed to be empty. Maybe it's all about the journey, not the destination. Yeah, no, someone's ripped the buckle off. It's been gone for years. My family sold it generations ago to a demon who paid us a lot of money for it. What have you done to Tripitaka? Not much. A touch of truth serum. Had some myself too. He's not just weird. He's a liar and a very poor leader. Pigsy, you really need to wash your clothes more often. AFFE: I thought you might have been killed by the spikes. Since you made it to the shrine, I'll have to take things into my own hands. Challenge the Monkey King and you will be punished. You wish! I am the Monkey King! Witness, this is no god. This is a puppet. A nothing. -This should be good. -Monkey, I'm sorry. I tried to stop myself from telling him, but I couldn't. Yeah. Stand back, puppet Monkey. I want you to show your allegiance to me as the true Monkey King by killing this monk. Um... No. Na ninekah alookah enumbah kudantai calaporeekah. Na ninekah alookah enumbah kudantai calaporeekah! Why isn't it working? Truth is the crown sutra will only work if one is righteous and pure of heart. Righteous and pure of heart? This one here is more devious than me by far. Your precious little monk is nothing more than... -(SQUELCH!) -AFFE: Ugh! Well, I guess he got the point. It's too soon, isn't it? Yeah. Follow that road. It'll take you west. Thank you. Good luck. You both will make great leaders. I hope we can honour your legacy. You ever need an army, you got one. You know where to find us. I hope one day we can fight alongside each other. Thank you. It was the real sutra? The poison drew it from me. I couldn't lie. Ah, righteous and pure. Shame. I was hoping to try it myself one day. (LAUGHS) Tripitaka. The, uh, truth serum. Is it out of your system yet? Why, you want to ask me something? No. Yes. No, no, no, you don't seem like the kind of person that can tell a lie anyway. You want to know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking if one of the demons found one of the scrolls, they could have found more. Crossed my mind. In which case, what do we do? What would the Scholar tell us to do? The Scholar would tell us to walk a path, however narrow and crooked it gets. Well, then, after you. MAN: Three gods are heading your way. They thought they'd find my scroll. Well, they can help me translate it. Raxion, find them and take them to the Shaman's Breaking Ground. Of course. MAN: Three more gods come to play. Able 2018