Me and Dave. Dave, domesticated. I'll stay here alone. Find someone your own age. You are out all the time, so why can't I? You are insane. And you might think you're gonna change him! You slept with Betty? 'We're not friends any more' ` how mature's that? 'We're not friends any more' ` how mature's that? Piss off, Dave. Az. Azza. Come on, man. Let's cut the crap. Have a beer. Whoa. Whoa. Shit. Whoa. Shit. Haven't you ever heard of knocking? It's my room. It's my room. Uh, no. You really could be crossing the line on this stalking thing. You really could be crossing the line on this stalking thing. I'm changing. You're the one being a perv. You're the one being a perv. < What are you doing? Well, you may prefer the floordrobe, Dave, but I'm not a slob. Well, you may prefer the floordrobe, Dave, but I'm not a slob. You're living in my room? Sure. You can't do that. Get out. You can't do that. Get out. Uh, no. You can't do that. Get out. Uh, no. I said, get out. < This is my room. < This is my room. What's going on? This mad woman is saying she's moved into my room. Yeah. Yeah. Since when? I had a falling out with my flatmate, and Azza said I was welcome to stay. Well, you weren't here. But I haven't moved out! I'm still paying rent. Well, how about you stop paying rent? And stop being a perv. # Got it. You need it. You can't wait to see it. How could you do this? You didn't call or anything. You didn't call or anything. You told me to piss off. And you did piss off. And you did piss off. Oh, and you just happened to run into Stacey? It's a small town. Sure. # I can't wait, no. I can't wait, no. # Bullshit. He ran into her. Bullshit. He ran into her. He could have. He got Stacey to move in because he knew it would piss me off. He got Stacey to move in because he knew it would piss me off. Why would he do that? Cos he's a dick. He's your best friend. Yeah, since` since year seven, when I was the Pommy kid with the weird accent, and no one talked to me except Az. You can make it up, surely? You can make it up, surely? I was trying to when I took the beers round. You could call and say sorry. < Talk things over? No? No? That's not how we do it. How do you do it, then? Our last scrap was when I went out with this girl he liked, except I didn't know he liked her because he didn't tell me. except I didn't know he liked her because he didn't tell me. And what happened? We didn't talk to each other for a few days, and then we had a couple of beers, and we were all good. and then we had a couple of beers, and we were all good. Right. Have you been on the computer? Have you been on the computer? I'm not allowed. (SIGHS) I just got a message from our ISP saying we've exceeded our data allowance` Who doesn't have unlimited data? Who doesn't have unlimited data? We don't. And as a result, I missed out on a very nice piece of Royal Doulton. I might have watched a couple of movies yesterday. Was that before or after you put your red undies in with the whites? Um` Um` Everything went pink, and I don't see why I should be expected to peg out your jocks or iron them. You iron undies? You iron undies? I iron everything. No one's asking you to, Marion. No one's asking you to, Marion. Definitely not. Well, I won't do it, then. I might head off. See you soon. I was starting to wonder if he had a home to go to. I was starting to wonder if he had a home to go to. It's complicated, but I'm sure he'll sort it. CRUNCH! CRUNCH! Oh crap. PIECES RATTLE Shit. Why would anyone pay good money for this? Why would anyone pay good money for this? It's collectible? It's butt ugly. It's butt ugly. Yeah, but it's Marion's, and she already hates me. Yeah, well, just whack some glue on it. The old bat won't know the difference. That was the plan. That was the plan. That's not very honest. That was the plan. That's not very honest. Oh, pipe down. You're partly the reason I have to be there ` Cara's got her 13-year-old under house arrest. Oh, we didn't do anything. Oh, we didn't do anything. You were partying till 1am. We didn't do anything bad. We didn't do anything bad. Save it. MEAT SIZZLES RELAXED MUSIC PLAYS Steak? Steak? Yeah, what's so weird about that? It's just chicks usually like chicken or weedy vegetables. It's just chicks usually like chicken or weedy vegetables. Tell me about it. My flatmate turned into this aggressive vegetarian, and she banned meat, especially bacon. Is that why you fell out? Kind of. But now I'm getting my act together, and it's really good to be here. No probs. So, how are things going with that Chinese girl? So regretting that I slept with her. So regretting that I slept with her. Crabs? So regretting that I slept with her. Crabs? Worse. Feel those peaches. She's, like, at me, all the time. You know what that is? You know what that is? Nymphomania? You know what that is? Nymphomania? Well, only if you like it. It's like she's doing it for sport. Mm. Got a hot one for me too? That's classic sexual harassment. That's classic sexual harassment. No way. It's a rushed job, but if you're up to it` Are you listening? Otherwise I'll get Betty to do it. You know you can get her fired for that? You know you can get her fired for that? I could? Yeah, a man treating a woman that way would be totally unacceptable. You shouldn't put up with that. And dinner is served. And dinner is served. Amazing. And dinner is served. Amazing. Does Dave not cook? Mostly he worked nights. Mostly he worked nights. Are you sad that he's gone? Mostly he worked nights. Are you sad that he's gone? Me? No. # Ahh. # Ahh. # I know you want a girlfriend. # Ooh. # Ooh. # I'm cute and very innocent. # Ahh. # Ahh. # I'd be a good girlfriend. # What are you doing up? Getting a drink of milk to have while I read my book. Getting a drink of milk to have while I read my book. Milk? Book? What's wrong with that? What's wrong with that? Way too wholesome for a girl used to all-night partying. Liam and I weren't doing anything at that party. There was no alcohol, and people were just singing with guitars. There was no alcohol, and people were just singing with guitars. I am loving this act of innocence you and Liam have got going. you and Liam have got going. What act? You got your stories straight. Easiest way to get caught out. I'm not lying, dickhead. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have said that. I've heard worse. No, it's saying you have a head like a private part, and that's rude and gross. OK. OK. Do you forgive me, Dave? Sure thing. Bum wipe. She is so playing the good girl thing. How do you mean? 'Do you forgive me?' 'I'm just getting a glass of milk because I'm a saint.' 'I'm just getting a glass of milk because I'm a saint.' Do you think she's lying? It's what you do when you're grounded ` lull the olds into a false sense of security. Do you think I should go and check on her? Do you think I should go and check on her? Maybe she's being sincere. I hope so. I thought you were gonna go and see Azza. Nah, just went for a drink instead. Nah, just went for a drink instead. Isn't that avoiding the problem? There's no point in talking about it. There's no point in talking about it. So that's the end of it? If Stacey moved in, she can always move out again. OK. OK. The time for talk is over. Direct action is the way to go. (LAUGHS) UPBEAT MUSIC DISCORDANT CHORD Super Muso Man can take Eco Man any time he wants. Super Muso Man can take Eco Man any time he wants. Muso Man kicks arse. But isn't Eco Man also meant to be a good guy? He's a wuss with all his whale noises. Fascist. Fascist. Larper. Fascist. Larper. D-bag. Geek girl. Geek girl. Stop it, you two! What do you care about abusing Dave? What do you care about abusing Dave? Everyone has a right to an opinion, even people we don't like. Respect for that, Jaz, but it won't get you out of being grounded. Respect for that, Jaz, but it won't get you out of being grounded. It's not about that! Super Muso Man kicks Eco Man's greenie butt. Super Muso Man kicks Eco Man's greenie butt. Lucky1 has diddled me! Diddled you? I'm sorry? Did he ramp you up too high? Did he ramp you up too high? No, it was a reasonable price for a collectible, but it's broken. It got smashed in the post? It got smashed in the post? It had already been repaired, but very obviously. The glue was oozing out of the join. It was advertised in perfect condition. Whoa, bad Trade Me form. Whoa, bad Trade Me form. I hope you're going to take that up to the bench. Yeah, sure. But you haven't even finished your breakfast. But you haven't even finished your breakfast. Important stuff to do, buddy. I've got a super villain to deal with. Awesome. Awesome. Good luck with that. Any chance you could put that in the dishwasher? Any chance you could put that in the dishwasher? I'll do it. Thanks. See ya, guys. What are you gonna do about Lucky1? That's obvious. That's obvious. Is it? She's gonna go feral on his feedback. Stacey? Stacey, you in there? Oh! PHONE RINGS VOICEMAIL: You've reached Azza. You got a question? Just the specs on this job. The order form fields, they're` They are what? They're not very logical. And how is that a question? And how is that a question? I'll see you when I've got my thoughts in order. Well, that would be a lot better than wasting my time. Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this? Because you're irresistible. It's harassment, and it's not OK. I could complain, you know. It's harassment, and it's not OK. I could complain, you know. About what? Your behaviour. Your behaviour. You should so do that. Because, let's face it, Hamish would never believe it, and you're the one who'll end up looking like a pussy. God almighty. I was putting my plate in the dishwasher. For the first time ever, I have a red face. For the first time ever, I have a red face. Looks the same to me. No, you idiot. I posted negative feedback about the broken figurine, and Lucky1 served it back with a red face and abuse! Hey, sticks and stones. Hey, sticks and stones. I'm not the one passing off broken goods. Does it really matter? Look, I have had 100% positive feedback, and he calls me a liar! Hey, I've had worse. Hey, I've had worse. My reputation is everything to me, and I'm not going to stand for it. I have the return address, and I'm gonna make a little visit to Mt Roskill. Are you sure that's safe? Are you sure that's safe? It's Mt Roskill, not the projects. And I can take care of myself. AZZA: Leave me alone. Me and Dave. AZZA: Leave me alone. BETTY: You can have a roll with me. I told you. I do not like this. It's not OK. Well you liked it on the bathroom floor. Hey. Hey. Hi. I want the key to my room. I want the key to my room. Don't have a key. There is now a lock on the door, so was either you or Stacey who put it there. I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know. Who's Stacey? A mad woman Azza moved in. She's not that mad. She's not that mad. Is she your girlfriend? No. No. She'll give it her best shot. Slutty? Slutty? More despo, but` Mm, she'd have to be, really. Mm, she'd have to be, really. I don't get why you even care. It's my room! Let's face it, Dave, you're basically living with Cara. Let's face it, Dave, you're basically living with Cara. I'm not. You're sleeping there all the time. You're never home for dinner. You're sleeping there all the time. You're never home for dinner. That is a bad sign. I work nights. I work nights. And he's taken the Xbox. Oh wow. That is serious. Game over. I'm not living with her, I've just been kicked out of my flat. I'm not living with her, I've just been kicked out of my flat. The Xbox went weeks ago. One week, maybe. One week, maybe. Sounds like you're a de facto. One week, maybe. Sounds like you're a de facto. Who asked your opinion? Also in denial. Why don't you go back to being a kept man, Dave? I've got work to do. HORN BLARES Yeah? I just want to let you know that it is not acceptable to list an item as 'in perfect condition' when, clearly, it is not. And then to post bad feedback` when, clearly, it is not. And then to post bad feedback` Mum! You want Mum. Are you Lucky1? Are you Lucky1? Who wants to know? MaidMarion46. MaidMarion46. You gave me shit feedback. Well, that was fair enough. Well, that was fair enough. It bloody was not. There. Look. Tell me that's not faulty goods. Well, it wasn't like that when I sent it. Must have got broken in transit. Are you trying to tell me it got broken and then glued itself together? I have no idea. Maybe someone broke it and tried to cover their tracks. I suppose that's possible. I suppose that's possible. Besides, I would never send shoddy goods, especially to you. You know who I am? You know who I am? MaidMarion46. You're the bane of my life. You're always beating me! That antique fireguard. The budgie wall vase. That was rather a rare one. That was rather a rare one. Did you flick it on? That was rather a rare one. Did you flick it on? Not yet. Well, I'll refund your money. Oh. Or I could replace it. Or I could replace it. Really? Or I could replace it. Really? I have one similar. Goodness. (CHUCKLES) That is quite a stash. I know,... and it's all got to go. So Dave kinda has to stay cos of the room thing, but he'll deal to it. Hang on ` so someone's staying at Dave's flat without him even knowing? Stacey's pretty out there. Stacey's pretty out there. Says who? Stacey's pretty out there. Says who? Dave. Right. Right. Right what? What if he made up this whole Stacey thing? What if he made up this whole Stacey thing? No, she's real. I've met her. No, the whole moving in thing. Why would he? Why would he? Live with you? Save on rent? Dave wouldn't do that. Dave wouldn't do that. Well, I did it when I was his age. OK, I'm not proud of it, but I couldn't afford my place, so I just kept staying over at the boyfriend's. It took him three months to realise I'd moved in. It took him three months to realise I'd moved in. Dave hasn't moved in. And where has he been staying this past week? Where is he having his meals? Where is he having his meals? It's only for now. What are we talking about? What are we talking about? Nothing. What are we talking about? Nothing. What's he done this time? Dave's moved in. Dave's moved in. Oh, Cara. That's ridiculous. He hasn't! He has a few issues at his flat, so` Do you think this was his plan all along? He doesn't seem like much of a planner. But once he realised she had a house and he could live rent free... He did say he was saving to go overseas. Stop it. He hasn't moved in, and if he had, don't you think I would have known about it? How? Because... we would have discussed it. we would have discussed it. And that is the mature way to do things. If you are mature. I pick up the kids, cook dinner, clean the house. It's good to do that for your daughter-in-law. Well, it does mean I have a roof over my head. She should be grateful to you, not the other way round. Well, maybe. But she's a little preoccupied at the moment. Well, maybe. But she's a little preoccupied at the moment. Work? She has a man. Well, more of a boy, really. Women today ` they do all their thinking with their foo-foos. My daughter's the same. Kat, who you met. Head over heels with some builder. Well, it's always handy to have a man to fix things. Well, it's always handy to have a man to fix things. Ah, but it's a lady. Oh. I tried to ignore it, but Kat comes in and says, 'Mum, I'm a lesbian, and I'm never gonna give you grandchildren, so get used to it.' Charming (!) Oh, she does pop over when she's not busy laying the girlfriend's foundations. And, um, you're managing all right? With the cancer, you mean? With the cancer, you mean? I didn't want to pry. With the cancer, you mean? I didn't want to pry. It's not like I can hide it. And you're having treatment? It's palliative. Oh. I` I'm` I'm so sorry. Oh, don't be. And pick out something you like. You're really selling all of it? You're really selling all of it? I still buy the odd thing. Old habits, you know. But when I got the latest news, I thought, 'time to face it, Lucy. 'Better make sure these puppies go to a good home.' You do get rather fond of them, don't you? LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS Hi. Hi. You're home early. Hi. You're home early. Yeah, I have a gap until 5. Oh right. How did you go with the direct action? How did you go with the direct action? Oh, it sucked. Why? Why? I tried to move Stacey's stuff out, but she's put a lock on my room. But it's your room. But it's your room. I know. Ipod? Yeah, it could be somewhere. Sorry about the mess. It's OK. It's not really. It's your room, and I've just kinda plonked my stuff everywhere. For now. For now. And, hey, we should get on to that accounts stuff for your business. Why now? Why now? It's the least I can do for having me to stay. Well, you're just staying. Well, you're just staying. Now I just need to find... Ipod. Hi, Dave. Hi, Dave. Hey, mate. Hi, Dave. Hey, mate. Afternoon. How'd it go on the mean streets of Mt Roskill? Well, actually, Lucky1 and I had a very satisfactory discussion. Well, actually, Lucky1 and I had a very satisfactory discussion. Lucky1 has cancer. Her name is Lucy, and I'm now satisfied she's above suspicion. Cool. At least you got the clown thing sorted. See ya. Cool. At least you got the clown thing sorted. See ya. E` Excuse me. I put my plate in the dishwasher. I put my plate in the dishwasher. Why did you say I sorted the 'clown thing'? Well, it could have been something like that. And yet I've only ever talked about it as a porcelain figurine. How would you know it was a clown unless you had trespassed` How would you know it was a clown unless you had trespassed` IPOD PLAYS LOUD MUSIC MUSIC DROWNS OUT WORDS It was by the door, and I stood on it accidentally. Oh my God. You so got him. Busted. And you didn't think to say anything? And you didn't think to say anything? I did try to fix it. Very badly. And as a result, I made a terrible scene with a woman with terminal cancer. I'm... sorry. And so you should be. What's going on? What's going on? Dave broke Gran's clown. What's going on? Dave broke Gran's clown. Then he lied about it. Why would you do that? Because she already hates me, and I don't want to make things more uncomfortable. I should get to work, eh? I should get to work, eh? Right. I should get to work, eh? Right. Catch you later. Liar, liar, pants on fire. Are you sure you don't want any more? Me and Dave. Are you sure you don't want any more? No, thanks. That was great. I was thinking tomorrow we could have Thai chicken curry. I was thinking tomorrow we could have Thai chicken curry. Takeout? Ew. No, I would make it. You don't have to cook every night. You don't have to cook every night. I know, but I'm way grateful, and plus, you have your work pressure. Yeah. Yeah. How's it with the Asian invasion? Eh? Eh? Betty the butt grabber. You put in a complaint about her? No. No. Azza. If I did, I'd just end up looking like a dick. If I did, I'd just end up looking like a dick. You did tell her that it wasn't OK? Yeah, but it didn't stop her. Yeah, but it didn't stop her. Man, she's really out there. People think that I'm crazy. No, they don't. They do. But, hey, I did your washing, and I threw out some of your, like, holey undies and odd socks that you had under your bed. You went under my bed? You went under my bed? Yeah, while I was vacuuming. Oh, and I found $5 in coins and... two cans of beer. Sweet. You know, I feel that with Dave gone, you and I are able to communicate on a whole new level. Sorry. I` I know you must feel like damaged goods. Kind of. Kind of. But I really am here for you. Hi. Hi. Oh, hello. Do you wanna come in for dinner? Jasmine's made some pizza. Did she? Did she? Yeah, she even volunteered. Maybe there is an upside to being grounded. Maybe there is an upside to being grounded. I'm fine. I'll` I'll just heat up some soup. I know about the clown. I know about the clown. Figurine. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. It was rude and deceitful, but you didn't do it. I know, but I guess Dave was just trying to avoid trouble. It is what children do, I suppose. I know you don't like him being around. I know you don't like him being around. I never said that. I'm only letting him stay because he had some trouble with his flatmate. It's really none of my business. And it's your house. Yours too. We both know that's not true. And thanks for the offer of dinner, but I'm fine with a bowl of soup. The old bat hates me. And Scarlett and Jasmine, they hate me. The old bat hates me. And Scarlett and Jasmine, they hate me. Don't forget Azza, he hates you. Even Cara was pissed about the whole clown thing. You know what it sounds like to me? Sounds like you need to move out. You know what it sounds like to me? Sounds like you need to move out. I haven't moved in. Haven't ya? Haven't ya? No. If you do, it'll be all over. You can say goodbye to getting it on, banger a-gone. So I don't think so. It's true. Women ` they lure you in with the sexy time, and as soon as they got ya, they close up shop, and then all you're good for is opening lids on jars and getting rid of centipedes. Hugo, I think you're meeting the wrong sort of women. Hugo, I think you're meeting the wrong sort of women. I hate centipedes. Hey. What time is it? 12.30. Oh! Oh! Are you OK? Just tripped. I should really put this somewhere safer. Mm. Mm. I didn't mean to wake you. Mm. I didn't mean to wake you. It's OK. Whoa, that was a full-on night. What happened? When stag dos go bad. Best man accuses groom of being trapped into marriage. Groom smacks best man. Sounds terrible. It's OK. I know you want to sleep. Yeah, I` I do, really. Night. Night. Oh, hiya. Is Cara here? She's taken the kids to school. She's taken the kids to school. What about Dave? I think he's still asleep. I think he's still asleep. That'd be right. Can I leave this shit with you? This... shit? Dave's stuff. There's not that much, but if he wasn't gonna pick it up, then I may as well shift it for him. See ya. And I think of the accusations I made against you, and it was all him ` the interloper. He sounds like a right little prick. He sounds like a right little prick. He's not little. Threatening, is he? More conniving. I used to have mates who could deal with that sort of thing. I used to have mates who could deal with that sort of thing. Too late. He's got his way now. How do you mean? How do you mean? She's moved him in. Without saying anything? Oh, she said he had flatmate troubles. Clearly, she couldn't face telling the truth. The gall of the woman. I suppose I should start looking for somewhere else. There's a spare room here if you need it. Surprise. Oh! It's OK. It's only me. You forgot your lunch. I didn't make any lunch. I didn't make any lunch. I just had some leftovers. It's just a little Greek salad. I was gonna get a pie. Pies are really bad for you, and you're at a dangerous age for men. Pies are really bad for you, and you're at a dangerous age for men. I am? Yeah. You think you can still eat like a teenager, and then boom, surprise, it's beer gut city. I see it in a lot of my patients. You're a doctor? You're a doctor? Part-time healthcare worker. And you are? Betty. Betty. Betty. I have heard a lot about you. Oh, can't stop talking about me, eh? Oh, can't stop talking about me, eh? Yeah. I know what you've been doing to Azza, and it's not OK. Ooh, scary (!) Yeah. You may think that you can do what you like, but it's bad touching, and it better stop. Or what? Or what? Or you'll regret it. Or what? Or you'll regret it. Oh, will I? Oh my God. Shit. Shit. You getting the message? What it feels like to be bullied and harassed? You getting the message? What it feels like to be bullied and harassed? You getting the message? Betty. What the hell are you doing? What the hell are you doing? I knew you'd not do anything, and now she knows what's what. I'll see you at home for dinner. I'll see you at home for dinner. I might go for a beer after work. But I'm cooking, like, a special celebration dinner because Dave's gone. He has? Yeah, he took all of his stuff today, so it's just you and me, flattie. I'll see you at 7. See you then. See you then. We'll see you next time. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Is everything OK? Is everything OK? Yes, fine. Would you like a cup of tea? Would you like a cup of tea? Oh, already offered, already declined. I, uh, just thought this was better dealt with when the children weren't around. Would you like to come on through? Would you like to come on through? I will be moving out. Where to? Staying with a friend initially. She's been very kind, and we do have mutual interests. Where are you moving to? Where are you moving to? Mt Roskill. It's not far, so I can still do the after school run, but you'll have to make other arrangements for late nights and weekends. I see. Well, you have had a good run of things. Apart from being deserted. Her husband left her with two children and another one on the way. Oh. Oh. I know Stewie did a bad thing, but I have tried my best. I know, Marion. I know, Marion. I get the feeling you resent me or even blame me. Um` Um` Well, I did raise him. But perhaps if you'd made a bit more effort, he wouldn't have run off in the first place. And I'm sorry if I've held you back, but I wish you all the best. Oh my God. She hates me. She's your mother-in-law, of course she hates you. Would you like to come on through? A friend of yours dropped them off. Me and Dave. A friend of yours dropped them off. When? Me and Dave. A friend of yours dropped them off. When? Earlier. LINE RINGS VOICEMAIL: You've reached Azza. VOICEMAIL: You've reached Azza. OK, you bastard. Time to stop sneaking around and act like a man. We sort this once and for all. Az, you want a beer? Az, you want a beer? Just a small one. Az, you want a beer? Just a small one. Uh, tap or bottle? Hugo, I'm dealing with something here. Hugo, I'm dealing with something here. This is a bar, not a drop-in centre. Bottle, thanks. You can't just kick me out of my flat. You can't just kick me out of my flat. Your name's not on the lease. Neither is yours. Neither is yours. Whose is? Neither is yours. Whose is? Eduardo Ramirez. Who's that? Who's that? We have no idea. The Stacey thing was low, but to come round and drop off my stuff... Stacey said you'd come and got it. Stacey said you'd come and got it. She lied. I didn't. I should have known it. She's freaking me out. She keeps cooking and tidying up. Sneaky cow (!) And she came into work and bitch-slapped Betty. And she came into work and bitch-slapped Betty. Was there wrestling? Shit. (SIGHS) What a mess. What do you care? You're gone. You're gone. I don't want to be, you egg. You'd come back? You'd come back? Of course I would. If you'd let me. I really really wish you could. We're men. We can make it happen. Are we up for this? Are we up for this? So up for it, brother. What are you doing here? What are you doing here? I live here. You have to go. Sorry, no. Sorry, no. Actually, you do. You're the one who rung me up and asked if I knew anyone who needed a flatmate. You did? You did? I was pissed off. He said there was a room and that I could have it. He said there was a room and that I could have it. For a bit, yeah. That's not what you said at all. That's not what you said at all. Well, Dave wants to come back. So, what, that's it? You're kicking me out? Look, you could crash on the couch in the meantime. Look, you could crash on the couch in the meantime. This is my home, so, no. No way. What do we do now? We could pick her up. She's not all that big. You would just throw me out? You would just throw me out? We'd try not to hurt you. You would just throw me out? We'd try not to hurt you. You're an arsehole. CRASH! Are you OK? Are you OK? Get her! Before she locks the door. Stacey. Stacey. I'm not coming out. Stacey. I'm not coming out. Look, it's not your room. As long as I'm in here it is, so there! So, what do we do now? Go through the windows? Go through the windows? Nah, they're painted shut. Go through the windows? Nah, they're painted shut. Oh right. We wait. Starve her out. Oh, that could take ages. Oh, that could take ages. She's gotta come out at some stage. When she does, we reclaim the territory. It's kind of a plan. It's kind of a plan. It's a solid plan. I'm meant to be at work. It's OK. We can take this in shifts. Keep in touch, and bring some beer home. We got this, bro. DOOR CLOSES You shouldn't be touching that. You shouldn't be touching that. Hello? Kids? How did you get home? Gran dropped us. She's in the apartment. Gran dropped us. She's in the apartment. What's this? Oh, it's a` a man toy. Can I play with it? Can I play with it? No. What's this doing here? What's this doing here? You tell us. Shit, babe. He really has moved in. Shit, babe. He really has moved in. So you'll be living in sin now. I don't wanna live in Sin. I like it here. I don't wanna live in Sin. I like it here. It's not a place, dumbo. And it's not right, Mum. Says the girl who sneaks out to meet her boyfriend. Says the girl who sneaks out to meet her boyfriend. I've learned from my past. You're 13. You don't have a past. You're 13. You don't have a past. I do, and I'm trying to be good. But I really don't want Dave living here in sin with you. Thank you for telling me how you feel. Could you watch the troops for a bit? Could you watch the troops for a bit? Sure. OK, good work, Az. Let me know if there's any movement. OK, good work, Az. Let me know if there's any movement. You thought about tear gas? Don't have any tear gas. Yeah, it's one of those things you think you'll never need until you need it. Hi. Hi. Could I have a` Hi. Could I have a` Go for it. The loos? What's happened? Look, Dave ` I really care about you. You know that. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't want to live with you. I don't wanna live with you either. I don't wanna live with you either. You don't? I don't wanna live with you either. You don't? God, no. Oh, I mean, not yet, anyway. Thank goodness for that. Thank goodness for that. You're not offended? Thank goodness for that. You're not offended? No. You thought I wanted to move in with you? Isn't that something we would have talked about? That's what I said to Julie and Jen, but then they said` and then I got home, a` and there was a box of your stuff. a` and there was a box of your stuff. Stacey put it there. Stacey? Stacey? She's psychotic, but don't worry. Azza and I have a plan. You and Azza ` you've made up. Of course. We always do. Of course. We always do. Great. Better get back to work. Better get back to work. Oh, wait. Tell me about your plan with Stacey. It's a solid plan. It's a solid plan. So it's working? Not so far. What are you doing, you idiot? You're gonna have to pee at some stage. You're gonna have to pee at some stage. Oh, you think so? DOOR OPENS DOOR OPENS Dave? What are you doing here? Dave said you had a problem. Dave said you had a problem. Yeah. Right now I really need to take a slash. Could you watch that door in case she makes a break? Sure. Sure. Thanks. < DOOR SLAMS Stacey, it's Cara. What are you doing here? What are you doing here? Are you OK? What are you doing here? Are you OK? No. They're trying to kick me out. Poor you. > You don't mean that. You don't mean that. Why wouldn't I? > Do you need anything? Some water would be good. Maybe something to eat. You left your post. I did. I did. What are you doing? I did. What are you doing? Stacey needed some things. You can't do that. You're undermining the plan. It's me. It's me. You better not try anything funny. It's me. You better not try anything funny. I won't. I promise. More crazy women. I was having the problem with my flatmate, and I did accidentally sleep with her boyfriend. But then Azza asked me to move in. I know. I thought that maybe he liked me. Nah, he was just using me to get back at Dave. That's not very nice. That's not very nice. I know. I was really trying, you know? I thought that I could show that I can be a really good and supportive flatmate and not sleep with anyone. Oh, sweetheart. Oh, sweetheart. This is the third flat that I've been kicked out of this year. That's not good. You know, and I cook, and I clean up and everything, and somehow it still all goes wrong, even if I don't sleep with anyone. Maybe you need to think about why these things keep happening. It keeps happening because I'm too giving and too trusting. OK. Well, perhaps you need to change the pattern. You know, work out what you want. I just want people to like me. Maybe you need to love yourself a little bit more. Respect yourself. Respect yourself. You wouldn't know about that. Oh, I do. And I know rejection hurts, but you're better than that, Stacey. You really are. We have a problem. Your girlfriend's in the room. We have a problem. Your girlfriend's in the room. She is? With Stacey. Is she all right? Is she all right? I tried to listen, but it's gone kinda quiet. I don't think she's thrown Cara out the window, because they're painted shut. Do you want me to come over? Do you want me to come over? Gotta go. We have movement. You OK? I'm fine. It's Stacey who's not so good. She's upset at the way she's been treated, and she'd like an apology. What, from me? For using me and not treating me with respect. You were using me too. You were using me too. How? You were using me too. How? You got a free room. Only so you could stick it to Dave. Only so you could stick it to Dave. Hey. Hey. Why can't you just apologise? That's all she wants. Why can't you just apologise? That's all she wants. For real? Yes. OK. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Do you mean it? I'm sorry. Do you mean it? Will you leave? He's not sorry. You'll be fine, hon. Just grab your stuff, and we'll get you sorted. (SNIFFLES) You're so amazing, Cara. Thank you. Oh my God! Oh! Cara took Stacey in? Cara took Stacey in? Said she could stay until she found something else. You might not wanna go round there for a while. You might not wanna go round there for a while. Maybe not. It's good to see everyone's back where they belong. It's good to see everyone's back where they belong. Missed me, Hugo? Yeah. Takings were down. Yeah. Takings were down. Ha. Here's to my mate. Mate. And Cara. I don't know what she said to Stacey, but she's got a knack, man. She's the crazy whisperer. She's the crazy whisperer. BOTH LAUGH Sorry, I know it's late. Sorry, I know it's late. Are the children all right? They're fine. I just wanted to let you know that, um, there's a girl staying in Jasmine's room for a couple of days. there's a girl staying in Jasmine's room for a couple of days. Everyone's moving in. But not Dave. But not Dave. It's really none of my business. Look, Marion. If you want to move on, I understand. But I appreciate what you do for us so much. I wouldn't have got through without you. The year of silence. I think we've all moved on from that. But most mother-in-laws in that position would take their son's side, not their daughter-in-law's. Well, I was hoping you'd patch things up. And I would have tried... if he'd come back. I wanted that. I know you did. And I don't resent you. Not at all? Not at all? Well, I do think ironing undies is a bit above and beyond. It's just the way I do things. It's just the way I do things. I know. And I'm sorry if things have changed and if I haven't thought of you enough. Well, we're all busy women, aren't we? Yeah. And it would be, um, a bother to pack everything up. Lucy is a terrible housekeeper. Right. Right. She has her illness and a daughter who's a lesbian. Your mum is just so cool. I wish she was my mum. She's old enough that she could be my mum. That's why the whole Dave thing is, like, hello? Weird. Totes. Totes. Yeah. Totes. Yeah. So you're a friend of Dave's? Oh, hell, no. He is such an arsehole. Oh, hell, no. He is such an arsehole. We think so too. Poor Cara. You know what? I hope that he doesn't rip her heart out and then throw it against a wall and then kick it around, because that's what he did to me. I actually thought that I was going to die. Because someone literally ripped out a vital organ and played ball with it. Makes sense. Exactly. Do you guys have boyfriends? Do you guys have boyfriends? Well, I do, but I'm not allowed to see him. My advice ` forget about boys and just concentrate on your schoolwork, and then you can have any guy that you want. and then you can have any guy that you want. Really? Yeah. Did I tell you that I'm a health professional? Yeah. Did I tell you that I'm a health professional? A doctor? Nurse? I work in a home for the elderly. Why are you dressed like that? Why are you dressed like that? Why are you dressed like that? Why are you dressed like that? Why are you dressed like that? OMG, Scarlett. Shut up. I think it's really pretty. I think it's really pretty. You can borrow it, like, any time. Wow. Thanks. Wow. Thanks. It's OK. Wow. Thanks. It's OK. Who's that? Mum got Jasmine a new Barbie doll, and it came to life. Hi. Are you following me? I just wanted to say sorry unstable Stacey came and bitch-slapped you. I was fine. I was fine. It looked like you were crying. I was fine. It looked like you were crying. Piss off. So she is your girlfriend? So she is your girlfriend? Shit, no. And if you wanna harass me, I'm cool with it. Ah, I'm bored with that now. Ah, I'm bored with that now. Yeah? Yeah. How about you harass me instead? I know you want it! > I know you want it! > Give it to me! > I know you want it! > Give it to me! > (GRUNTS) I am! > You're not giving it to me! > You're not giving it to me! > I am! I am! I am! > BOTH YELLING What is this?! Your offer of a place to stay was lovely, but I don't feel I can leave the children. You're a saint, you are. You're a saint, you are. (CHUCKLES) Not really. And how's it going with the Crown Lynn? Oh, TastyTaihape keeps asking stupid questions. Tell her not to be such a dumb-arse. Tell her not to be such a dumb-arse. Oh, that's salty talk. Well, I dunno about you, but I'm sick of being good. I've never been good. I'm just sick. But I have been thinking how we could get rid of your interloper. How? I managed it with the neighbour's cat. Bloody thing, he'd crap on my lawn, but not any more. You killed it? You killed it? Took it for a little drive to Kerikeri. Never came back. I, um, don't think that would work with Dave. So, Stacey's gone, then? Mm, to stay with a friend. I think she got sick of Logan trying to play Super Muso Man with her. Situation normal, then. Except for Jasmine is still being an angel. It's odd. You actually believe it? You actually believe it? I'm sure it won't last, but at least she's not 'in love' any more. That was quick. Well, last week was Liam, the week before Macklemore... (LAUGHS) Guess I should let you get some sleep. Guess I should let you get some sleep. I miss you. I love you, and I miss you. and I miss you. And I love missing you. Captions by Brittany Stewart. Edited by June Yeow. www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2014