but I don't really know that much about the countries and cultures they come from, so I'm off on a voyage of discovery across the Pacific. 'RADAR ACROSS THE PACIFIC' THEME HORN BEEPS Copyright Able 2014 My destination today is the tiny island nation of Niue, a three-hour flight north of NZ. Originally settled around 1000 years ago, Niue means 'behold the coconut'. There are only a couple of flights a week to The Rock, as it's known, and each is met by this man. Bill, you're taking everyone's photograph. Why do you do that? Bill, you're taking everyone's photograph. Why do you do that? I start off doing it for fun, but then, uh, a lot of people, even locals, get to see who goes and who comes, eh? Is it an official job? Do you get paid to do it? No, no, no, no, but my friends donated me a camera, so I got to keep on using it. This is the second camera. Next one ` I want a bigger one. Right. Did you wear the other one out? Right. Did you wear the other one out? Yeah. One year. You're a busy guy. At the very least, I'll see you when I leave next week. You better leave next week. You better leave next week. I better leave, or else I'll be in trouble. BOTH LAUGH BOTH LAUGH Take care. BOTH LAUGH Take care. OK, yeah. See you in a week. Bill puts all of his photos on Facebook for everyone to view. One thing I do know about Niue is that most Niueans don't actually reside here. While there are over 20,000 in NZ, only about 1400 actually live on the island, which makes a Friday afternoon rush hour on the main street a pretty relaxed affair. There is, however, a hive of activity in a house further up the road. UPBEAT MUSIC How much will one of these sell for? $30. $30. < That's pretty good value. So, are there a lot of young people coming back to the village? So, are there a lot of young people coming back to the village? Yes and no. But you know what? Young peoples these days ` they busy do other things. But they all know how to do the little weavings. They learn in school. I imagine that when you're sitting here weaving, there's a lot of, uh, stories about what's happening on the island all pass through here. stories about what's happening on the island all pass through here. Yeah, yeah. > Is it like an information centre? Is it like an information centre? Yeah, it's` Yeah, sometimes, yeah. Gossip. (CHUCKLES) Yeah? A lot of gossip? Yeah? A lot of gossip? CHUCKLES: Yeah. Yeah? A lot of gossip? CHUCKLES: Yeah. Who has the most gossip? Who always`? Who always`? She's not here. > Oh, she's not here today? Oh, she's not here today? She's not here today. She's not here today, the gossip lady. She's gone to the casino in Auckland. Oh, has she? Oh, has she? At the moment, yeah. Oh, has she? At the moment, yeah. OTHERS LAUGH (LAUGHS) Who's the funniest? Eva. She's laughing. Eva. She's laughing. Eva? Eva's the funniest? Who has the best jokes? Eva. Eva. Eva? Eva. Eva? ALL LAUGH No, no, no. I don't like jokes. LAUGHS: I don't like jokes. LAUGHS: I don't like jokes. I think you do, Eva. (LAUGHS) > I bet she has some crackers. It's one of the things I love about the Pacific ` groups of women sitting around weaving, laughing, gossiping. Often feel a little bit jealous that I can't stay longer and be a part of it, but I'm not very good at weaving, so I'll take one of Eva's bowls and a complementary coconut. Being a raised atoll means Niue has no anchorage, so boats have to be hauled in and out of the water. And the poor soil here only sustains a few staple crops. Therefore, most food is shipped in at great expense from NZ. Fortunately, innovations like this hydroponic system are helping Niueans become a little more self-sufficient. A lot of people wear different hats on Niue, and I'm off to meet a man who, by all accounts, is one of the most multi-hatted men on the island. Willie owns the Crazy Uga Cafe. He's also the island's mechanic. And this is his other cafe and bar, The Washaway ` so-called because on occasion it does indeed wash away. Now he's looking to further feather his nest with poultry. Willie, what's the story with the chickens? Well, I'm hoping to supply all the eggs for Niue in, uh` in a few months' time. You guys must be seeing how expensive the eggs are here in Niue. I'm hoping these chickens will bring the prices to a reasonable sort of price. Right. How much was an egg? How much for an egg? Like, at one stage we were paying just about $1.50 a egg. Wow, that would make for a very expensive egg burger. Very expensive. Well, the profit margin, mate ` you just cut it down to about, uh, 20c or 10c, yeah. Have you ever farmed chickens before? Have you ever farmed chickens before? Never, bro. Never ever. Are they as easy to look after as you imagined? Are they as easy to look after as you imagined? Uh, I was, uh... (CHUCKLES) I was blown away how dumb they are. (LAUGHS) That's the only way to describe it. They do say 'birdbrained'. It's not a term of endearment. They do say 'birdbrained'. It's not a term of endearment. (LAUGHS) But they are great, and this is a pretty awesome environment. If I was a chicken, I'd be pretty stoked to be running around here. Willie lived in Auckland for 27 years before returning home. What got you to come back? Um, growing up in Niue. When I left Niue, I always say to myself, 'I'm gonna go back home.' And, um, the dream in those days was to be a mechanic, own my own workshop. I came down to NZ. I did all that, and it's just time to come back home after that, yeah. What'd your family say? Your friends? Oh, my dad, man, he was disappointed with his son, eh. Here's a son that dropped out of school in Niue, went to NZ, had a workshop, and my dad was so proud of it, eh. But when I said, 'I'm going back to Niue,' he doesn't wanna know me for a while. (CHUCKLES) To get into business here was really really hard, because we don't have the bank facilities. We don't have the loaning facilities. To survive in Niue, you got to do a variety of stuff. If you concentrate on the cafes only, you'll never survive here in Niue. So you gotta go` One minute, you're thinking about baking bread. Next minute, you think about catching fish. Cos you were doing it all. You know, you baked the bread. You caught the fish. You cooked the food in the cafe? You cooked the food in the cafe? Yeah. You cooked the food in the cafe? Yeah. Served the beer? Well, that's` Well, that's` Fixed the cars that got people to the cafe? Yeah. That's the great part about the back pages of the Women's Weekly, bro ` tells you how to bake bread and how to cook the simple way! (LAUGHS) Is that where you got the recipe from? Is that where you got the recipe from? Oh, not in front of the camera. Yes. BOTH LAUGH BOTH LAUGH In 10 years' time, you gonna be the Premier? Well, I'm hoping. (LAUGHS) Well, I'm hoping. (LAUGHS) Are you? That comes as no surprise to me, actually. CHICKENS CLUCK As far as Niue goes, I imagine that these are gonna be the chickens that lay the golden egg. This is what it's all about. ACOUSTIC MUSIC Off the main road, the Niuean bush is a rugged place with sharp coral and thick vegetation. I'm heading into the interior with traditional vaka builder Taumafai as he begins a new project. This tree here will probably be a smallish to, uh, medium-sized canoe ` what will come out of it ` and the whole idea is to try and estimate which way she's gonna come down. Any particular reason why this tree's a good one? Any particular reason why this tree's a good one? In the old age, as a canoe builder, we do have, uh, a selection process for a tree. The whole community gets behind the project. They select the tree, uh, they select somebody to come and bless the tree, and people virtually sleep under the tree overnight, because in the old days they didn't have tools. They had to virtually burn the tree down and start burning little fires in order to take the bulk of the heart of the tree out. Do you see the canoe in the tree when you look at it? Do you see the canoe in the tree when you look at it? You have to. You have to actually see the hull, or the front of the canoe, and the back of the canoe and hopefully pray to the gods that, uh, when the tree does fall down, it lies within your favour so that I can take the top off, and I can take the, uh, rear end. How many other vaka builders are there currently? At the moment, uh, there'd be no more than maybe five canoe builders on the island. So how many were there when you started? When I started? When I started? Yeah. When I started? Yeah. Uh,... virtually myself, I think. Uh, two of us. So it got down to that few people holding that knowledge? So it got down to that few people holding that knowledge? Yeah. Right. Shall we, uh, knock it down? We'll try. I'll show you what happens. So what's the process now? Tidying it up and..? Yeah. She's down. Now you get, uh, to see the` the beginning part of, you know, the whole process of, uh, you know, trying to create a vaka out of a tree. Niue is an oddity in the Pacific in that it's a country of only one island, and at a mere 260km2, you do get a sense of being very isolated amidst a vast ocean. Another striking feature of the Niuean landscape is the high number of abandoned houses. Most are derelict, and some have been totally overtaken by nature. A couple of years ago, it was suggested in NZ that these houses could be restored and that Niue could become a tropical retirement village for our elderly. There were 5000 people here in the 1960s. Now there are only around 1400. Niueans have taken off in droves for NZ and Australia, often escaping the devastation wrought by cyclones that periodically hit the island. ACOUSTIC GUITAR NOTE The last big cyclone was Heta in 2004. The result? More houses destroyed, and more people decided to pack their bags and leave. When Cyclone Heta came roaring in from this direction, the seas were several metres above where I stand, which is really saying something, because normally the sea is down there. BLUEGRASS MUSIC Someone who has gone against the flow and moved back to Niue is this very kind policewoman who has generously offered me a ride. Hello. Hello. Hello. How are you? Hello. Hello. How are you? I'm very good. How are you? Yeah, I'm not too bad. How can I`? Yeah, I'm not too bad. How can I`? No chance of a ride? Just in that general direction? Um, I haven't` I haven't said yes yet! Um, I haven't` I haven't said yes yet! (LAUGHS) There you go again. There you go again. BOTH LAUGH Anyways, I feel sorry for youse. Anyways, I feel sorry for youse. I know. We could just` We'll` Anyways, I feel sorry for youse. I know. We could just` We'll` Look at you sweating. (LAUGHS) I just jump in with random policewomen. It's what I do. I'm not sure if it's against protocol, but she even lets me push some buttons. SIREN WAILS So, whereabouts did you grow up? In Niue? So, whereabouts did you grow up? In Niue? Uh, both in Auckland and in Niue. What made you decide to come back? Um, pretty much the main thing is my parents, eh, so I thought I'd come back and, yeah, look after them just so they can have someone to talk to as well ` apart from themselves. Did you think, 'I wanna go back and be a policewoman,' or did you come back, and a job opened up? Actually, I was coming back to go and work with, um, the civil division. < Oh, the sewer? Uh, no, civil. Civil division. Uh, no, civil. Civil division. Oh, civil. I thought you said 'sewer', working with sewage. Does it sound like it? Does it sound like it? BOTH LAUGH Here you are. Here you get to drive round in a four-wheel drive and wear a uniform and turn on the siren. A good thing being a policewoman over here ` people have got their, um, respect for you, and, um... And I guess you'd probably just about know... If something went missing, people would go, 'Oh,...' Yeah. Yeah. ...'Bob took it'. Yeah. ...'Bob took it'. Pointing fingers? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Makes the` makes this job easier. (LAUGHS) I guess, in many ways, people police themselves. You can say that. You can say that. BOTH LAUGH How many people currently in jail? How many people currently in jail? Just one. Just one? Just one? Just one. Just one? Just one. That's pretty good, eh, you know? Compared to other parts of the world, it's pretty` I reckon that makes it pretty special. What about dating? What about dating? Dating? What about dating? Dating? BOTH LAUGH Like, do you go, 'Oh, shucks, dudes, I know all of you'? (LAUGHS) Like, do you go, 'Oh, shucks, dudes, I know all of you'? (LAUGHS) Well, yes, that's the thing. Yeah. Yeah. Give it a year. If you stay, you'll probably end up dating the whole` everyone over here. Niue became one of NZ's first colonial possessions back in 1901. When World War I broke out, the NZ Resident Commissioner to Niue, a Mr Cornwall, was keen that the island play its part for the empire. SOLEMN MUSIC Behind me is one of the many war memorials around the island. At the beginning of World War I, 150 Niuean men volunteered to serve with NZ forces. That's nearly 4% of the island's entire population. Of those men, very few had even been off the island. Only 12 spoke some form of English, and it's said that none of them had ever worn shoes. It's fair to say that things didn't go all that well for them. 17 were killed in active service, and a great many more succumbed to European illnesses to which they'd never previously been exposed. Of the men who did return home, many were dead in a few years, and for those who had been away and seen life overseas, several decided that that was the life they would continue. Yet another triumph for NZ colonialism (!) These days, Niue has its own Parliament with 20 MPs. With only 600 voters, that's one representative for every 30 people. But Niueans are also NZ citizens. They even use our money. NZ's representative is the High Commissioner ` ex-Wellington mayor, ex-MP and excellent golfer Mark Blumsky. You look like you know what you're doing. You look like you know what you're doing. < I've watched it on the TV. There's probably not many golf courses where you've got a prison right there. It's certainly part of the magic of the golf course that you have a prison hole. I've heard that you can see the prisoner ` in singular ` out here often playing a round of golf. Oh, I think in the time he's been locked up ` in inverted commas ` his golf handicap's come way down. There's Lionel there. Yo! (LAUGHS) How are ya, mate? You better meet the warden first up, cos we're on the warden's property. Hello, Warden. Hello, Warden. All right, nice to meet you, eh. Hello, Warden. All right, nice to meet you, eh. Nice to meet you. Yeah, Uku my name. Yeah, Uku my name. Uku? Radar. How ya doin? How ya doin? Good. How ya doin? Good. This is prison? I think so, yeah. I think so, yeah. ALL LAUGH That's the stupidest question I've ever asked. (LAUGHS) Lionel is temporarily deprived of his liberty after a village dispute about an election got out of hand. At the moment, there's one prisoner? At the moment, there's one prisoner? Yes, exactly. At the moment, there's one prisoner? Yes, exactly. And two wardens? Nah. No, four. Nah. No, four. Four? Four wardens? But we are on the shift work ` on rotating shift, you know. But we are on the shift work ` on rotating shift, you know. And the prison get a bit lonely? Mm. Mm. People come and visit ya? > Mm. People come and visit ya? > Yes, my family. Oh, that's good. Bring some food. > Yeah. Yeah. What happens when there's no prisoners? They still, uh, maintain the greens in the place, you know. Oh, so you still gotta look after the prison even if no one's there? Oh, so you still gotta look after the prison even if no one's there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a room check. Room check. You got a room check. Room check. Oh. You got a room check. Room check. Oh. Oh, man! (LAUGHS) OK. How much, guys? (LAUGHS) I've seen a lot of movies, and I've seen that, pretty much, this is what you'd` You'd sit here, and you... Enough room to swing a cat if you had a very very tiny kitten. Oh, hang on, there's no toilet. Lionel's a good lad. He's a good lad, and, um, he's` he's been great` (LAUGHS) great to have here! ALL LAUGH We're, sort of, saying, 'Come again!' Exactly. Not too often. Exactly. Not too often. Don't you dare, boy. Don't you dare. (LAUGHS) I saw somewhere the other day one of those Treasury wonks described Niue as, um, economically unsustainable. Um, they need NZ, but they're all NZers. So, I mean, everyone that lives in Waipawa needs NZ. Everyone that lives in Dargaville needs NZ, so it's the same. They are Kiwis, and they deserve every joy that being a Kiwi brings. That could've been very awkward. Biggest issue you have to face and think, 'They've got their heads around this'? Population. You know, there's 1400 people here, and, uh, that's hard. And, um, that` that will be a difficult one to fix, because they're smart, and there's neat people here. They are neat people, eh, but there's not a lot of them, and` and it's the same story ` the busy ones do everything. the busy ones do everything. Best thing about it? the busy ones do everything. Best thing about it? Quality of life and the people. Worst thing? Oh. Only` Oh, there's only one Sky Sport channel. CHUCKLES: Seriously! CHUCKLES: Seriously! It's hell. How hellish. How do you cope? Good shot. If this is not a metaphor for Niue in general, I don't know what is ` a sparsely populated little piece of paradise. LAUGHS: There's someone` There's someone in an SUV randomly driving past. On the golf course. On the golf course. (LAUGHS) ACOUSTIC GUITAR MUSIC What better way to start the day in Niue than with a spot of fishing from a traditional Niuean vaka with Taumafai? Where are we here? This is a place where people tend to launch canoes all the time? Yeah. There's quite a few landing sites around Niue, and this is one that we use, me and the young guys. And it's, uh, probably historical, because this is where Cook attempted to land, and I guess, uh, he was, uh, met with an unwelcome reception, if you like. But, uh, no, you and I are standing here side by side this morning. Exactly. If only he'd known how friendly you were. Safety first. Not the world's most competent canoe paddler. Canoe fishing is about culture, it's about our tradition, and it's, uh` I guess, uh, we don't need fuel to operate them. It's more environmentally friendly, you know, and plus it keeps the person, uh, fit and healthy. You look around and think, 'Jeez, there's got to be a beach to land a craft on here somewhere,' but no. Thrust up out of the sea. There's a lot of young guys getting into it. What do you teach them? What's the crucial lesson? What I try to do is, uh, teach them, basically, the safety part of the vakas when they go out on the water ` uh, respect the environment that they're in. And I guess they need to take it to the next level, and that's actually trying to, uh, produce vakas themselves. Did you build this one? Did you build this one? I helped with the construction. (CHUCKLES) Will you build your own one day? Will you build your own one day? Hopefully. I've started one, but it's still sitting under the cover. It's like any project, I imagine. What happens if you catch a fish? Cos I hadn't really thought that through. Like, you're in here, and you've got a handline, and the fish are fairly big. It's pretty much one on one with the fish. The interesting part is when it gets close, cos that's dangerous. Yeah. It's all very well to pull it in, but then you've gotta get it on the boat. Well, if it's a big fish, you don't usually pull it into the boat. Usually, killing it is the hard part, cos you gotta hit it with one of these. Right, yep. Right, yep. And if you miss the fish, you'll hit your canoe,... (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) ...and you'll usually put a crack in the canoe, but... So the entire enterprise is fraught with danger. Not sure quite how to, uh` really sure how to reel a fish in on one of these, but I'm sure that should a fish strike, I'll use my human instincts, formed somewhere deep in the base of my primal brainstem, haul food from the ocean. In the meantime, quite happy just to sit here in the sunshine and... behold the coconut that is Niue. I'm taking home a single fish, which coincidentally was the same fish I paddled out with ` my bait. ACOUSTIC GUITAR MUSIC If there's, um, one word that sums up this particular part of Niue, I would have to say that word would be 'inhospitable'. I really don't wanna fall into any of those chasms, be impaled on coral, hurt myself quite badly. Ow. LAID-BACK MUSIC Well, it's, uh, not exactly wheelchair accessible. Is now a good time to mention that I don't really like heights? But I do like scenery. And sometimes one has to conquer one's fear in order to find beauty ` as I've said to so many women in the past. The brochure, where all good information comes from, says this sand came from a storm, when the sea splooshed over these coral walls and, as it ran out, left this lovely little bit of beach. Kind of makes me feel like I'm in the middle of an episode of Xena. I'm expecting a half-woman half-horse to turn up. I'm hoping that the front end of her is woman, because otherwise it would make for an awkward conversation. 'Hello. Oh, you can't say anything. You've got the head of a horse and the rear end of a lady.' (CHUCKLES) Anything's possible. It's Niue. CHILDREN SING, UKULELE PLAYS I do wonder how many of these young Niueans will choose to stay here when they grow up. There does seem to be a consensus that Niue needs to grow ` either through tourism or by attracting Niueans home from overseas. Whether this happens only time will tell. It does seem a bit of a catch-22 situation. Without employment, people won't return, and if people don't return, well, then there's no employment. Regardless, it one of the most charming places I've ever had the pleasure of visiting. Niue, of course, translates to 'behold the coconut'. I've come, and I have beheld the coconut, and it was indeed very sweet. Fakaaue lahi, Niue. Beheld the coconut? Behold. Beholded? Behelded? Beholden. I've beholden the coconut. I'm scared of snakes, which is unfortunate, because in the beautiful waters around Niue, it's chock-a-full of one of the most dangerous sea snakes in the world. But apparently they're quite timid and somewhat curious, which has made me somewhat curious to see just how timid they are. This could be either one of the greatest days of snorkelling in my life or the last day in my life. Either way... Ow! Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2014