I went to a party with Liam. I went to a party with Liam. From the bar. I went to a party with Liam. From the bar. Who Dave set her up with. OMG! I officially hate you! DAVE: She is so playing the good-girl thing. I've learned from my past. What you do when you're grounded ` you lull the olds into a false sense of security. (SIGHS) FML! Uh, beg your pardon? Uh, beg your pardon? FML. That big ogre is taking up the whole room. What is FML? What is FML? Ugh. Dee dubs. Don't worry. Don't worry. Gran, I want to watch TV. Right, then. No. Wait. (CHUCKLES) ALL CHUCKLE ALL CHUCKLE I know. (GRUNTS) Copyright Able 2014 (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) ALL CHUCKLE CARA: Hey. CARA: Hey. (CLEARS THROAT) (GROANS) Are you OK, Dave? Are you OK, Dave? Hm. He was passed out on the floor. He was passed out on the floor. Not passed out; napping. Did you work late last night? Did you work late last night? Yeah. That's not why I'm stuffed. LOUD THUD, IRISH REEL BLARES Come on, dipshit. It's like this. Come on, dipshit. It's like this. That's what I was doing. Shit! Shit! How was that!? Take a long walk, lady. I'm teaching Betty cricket. I'm teaching Betty cricket. It's 3am. I'm teaching Betty cricket. It's 3am. So? Aren't you glad that Azza's found someone? MUSIC BLARES Oh, come on, guys. I'm right here. (SIGHS) (GIGGLES) It's like I'm an intruder in my own flat. Oh. I wonder what that feels like (!) Uh, kids' dinner in the oven. I'm, uh, eating out. Night. GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC WOMAN: Who is it? WOMAN: Who is it? It's only me. WOMAN: Who is it? It's only me. Oh, just a second. Oh, you're burning incense. Oh, you're burning incense. (CHUCKLES) Something like that. Are you a smoker? Are you a smoker? Oh, I don't touch tobacco. Filthy habit. No, uh, this is reefer. You smoke marijuana?! You smoke marijuana?! I don't do it for kicks; it's medicinal. Oh. Pain relief? The morphine takes away your appetite, and the weed gives it back. I see. But, um, where do you get the stuff? But, um, where do you get the stuff? I've got a couple of weed pot plants; grew them myself. Is that safe? Is that safe? Well, they're just tucked away out the back. AARADHNA'S 'WAKE UP' # Yeah-eh-eh, eh-ey-eh-eh, # ey, yeah. # Oh. # Empty pizza boxes on the floor. # Empty liquor bottles from before. # You'll find your comfort in between the sheets, # way too afraid to take it to the streets. # Comfort is just... # Azza! Uh, dude! Some privacy? Oh, you care about privacy now (!) Oh, you care about privacy now (!) I don't, really. There's no food. There's no food. Yeah. Sucks. I bought a whole lot yesterday. I bought a whole lot yesterday. We kinda got hungry. OK. You have got to get a job. (SNORTS) He sounds like my grandmother. Az, you turned me into Betty's grandmother. I don't like it. Az, you turned me into Betty's grandmother. I don't like it. We'll get a job, OK? Yeah, we'll get a job. Yeah, we'll get a job. It's just not that easy finding a job we're qualified for. Then find something you're not qualified for. Then find something you're not qualified for. Close the door! You got any experience? You got any experience? I was in charge of the keg at my uncle's 40th last year. Come on. I know my way around a bar. How hard can it be? I've got a staff member buggering off this weekend. I actually could do with some help. Sweet. I'm your man. The wine glasses are the real killer. There's the lipstick. Ladies plaster it on; gets on our glasses. It takes more than a simple plunge in a bucket to get it off. I'm not doing dishes. I'm not doing dishes. Beggars can't be choosers, mate. I'm not doing dishes. Beggars can't be choosers, mate. I'm not a beggar. I'm a qualified junior information technology analyst. I'm a qualified junior information technology analyst. Why don't you work at that? Cos I got fired. The shifts are there if you want 'em. Take 'em or leave it. The shifts are there if you want 'em. Take 'em or leave it. I'll leave it. It can be pretty fulfilling ` taking something dirty, making it clean again. Cool story, dish guy (!) BETTY: You're so right to turn it down. BETTY: You're so right to turn it down. Damn straight. You're so much better than that. You're so much better than that. I know. Washing dishes for how much? Washing dishes for how much? Slave wages. Aren't slave wages better than no wages? (SIGHS) (SIGHS) INDISTINCT VIDEO GAME DIALOGUE Hiya. Ooh! Hiya. Ooh! Hey! I was just about to start. I was just about to start. (COUGHS) I was just about to start. (COUGHS) Jasmine's presentation. (CHUCKLES) OK, Jas,... OK, Jas,... (SIGHS) OK, Jas,... (SIGHS) ...go ahead. 'My Potential Weekend', by Jasmine Gray. MAGICAL MUSIC PLAYS MAGICAL MUSIC PLAYS I am very excited about the weekend coming up. I've been invited to see a band play in Silverdale. Silverdale is a suburb on the North Shore of Auckland City. Silverdale is a suburb on the North Shore of Auckland City. Hold on. What band? I think she's getting to that. I think she's getting to that. The band is called Gaddiction, and the lead singer and guitarist is Liam Hamilton. and the lead singer and guitarist is Liam Hamilton. Hold on. Can I finish, please? Can I finish, please? I thought I told you... Carry on, Jasmine. Carry on, Jasmine. Thank you, Gran. SINGLE GUITAR STRUM SINGLE GUITAR STRUM Reasons why I should be allowed to go ` one, I put a lot of effort into this presentation, and I'm totally up to date in my homework; two, it's good to have an interest, and music is an interest; and, three, if I don't go, I'll, like, totally die. I'll, like, totally die. (LAUGHS) Reasons why I shouldn't be allowed to go ` MAGICAL HARP MUSIC PLAYS MAGICAL HARP MUSIC PLAYS there aren't any. In summary, I hope to be spending this weekend in Silverdale. Thank you for listening. (GIGGLES) (CLICKS TEETH) (CLICKS TEETH) Nice presentation. Thanks. Thanks. But you're not going. What?! What?! No. Why not? Why not? You're not going to... Silverdale. Silverdale. ...Silverdale with Liam and some rock band and staying the night. What kind of music do they play? What kind of music do they play? Mum! What kind of music do they play? Mum! No. Not happening. But Liam said I can go on the tour van! He's a really good driver, and I can borrow a tent from the drummer's girlfriend and` and I can borrow a tent from the drummer's girlfriend and` Jasmine! You're not even supposed to see him, let alone spend the weekend with him. But I made a presentation! No, no. No way. Not happening. Nope. Sorry. No, no. No way. Not happening. Nope. Sorry. You are not sorry! (HUFFS) I actually thought it was a really good presentation. I actually thought it was a really good presentation. < DOOR SLAMS Yo. Shout me a beer? Shout me a beer? I shout you everything. Shout me a beer? I shout you everything. I've been looking for a job, OK? Even rang Hamish for a reference for a job application. READS: Aaron worked for me on a trial basis earlier this year. Do not hire him. Bastard. Bastard. Well, at least Betty's sorted. Eh? Eh? Betty. Eh? Betty. She went to see her grandma? Uh,... no. Bullshit! Bullshit! What? Bullshit! What? You took my job. It's my job. It's my job. No, it was my job. You didn't want the job. You didn't want the job. I do now. Give it to me. Too late. I've given it to her. Why? Why? I needed someone; she offered, and the kitchen could do with eye candy. You're a shit, Hugo. You're a shit, Hugo. Eh? Hugo, I don't know if non-staff should be allowed in the kitchen. Probably a health and safety issue. Stuff this. And don't come back to mine later. And don't come back to mine later. LOUD MUSIC THUMPS MELANCHOLIC MUSIC MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYS QUIETLY ON RADIO You're not gonna eat that. You're not gonna eat that. It's all there is. I'm not sharing. You know whose fault this is? I'll go to the supermarket later. I'll go to the supermarket later. It's her. She screwed me out of a job again. The job you didn't wanna take. The job you didn't wanna take. That's it, man. It's over. You're breaking up with her? You're breaking up with her? I was never going out with her. She can stay at her grandma's. Over a couple of dishwashing shifts? Over a couple of dishwashing shifts? It's the principle. Now I remember why I hate Betty. Now I remember why I hate Betty. You love her. Now I remember why I hate Betty. You love her. I do not. You love Betty. Own up and deal with it. No. Because once you say you love someone, you can't take it back. And then you're a couple, and you settle down, and it's all over. And then you're a couple, and you settle down, and it's all over. < PHONE RINGS Hey. Hey. Dave? (SOBS) Something's happened. I tried calling, but her phone's switched off. READS: 'I don't want to hurt you, but I must follow my heart. 'My life will be over if I don't see Gaddiction play. 'Promise I won't take any drugs ` even legal ones like party pills or synthetics.' My little girl's run away. My little girl's run away. To Silverdale? My little girl's run away. To Silverdale? The point is... that she's done it. Then we'll get her back. The flaw in her plan is that she's told us where she's running to. She even showed us a map. UPBEAT MUSIC God, I hope she's all right. She didn't even take any warm clothes with her. I'm gonna kill her! You know what bands get up to. You know what bands get up to. They play music. You know what bands get up to. They play music. And the rest. You think I sound like an old granny. You think I sound like an old granny. A little bit. I said no to Jasmine is the point. She asked, and I said no, and she went anyway. Yes. Yes. It's not meant to be like this. She's meant to do what I say. Well, she won't ` not forever. I'll just keep driving. I went to a party with Liam. JEN: Excuse me. This glass. And that's not my shade. And that's not my shade. That's no good. Sorry about that. Betty. You're not washing the glasses properly. The dishwasher isn't washing it properly. The dishwasher isn't washing it properly. You are the dishwasher, sweetheart. That's the steriliser. You need to rinse them before you put them in there. That's double handling. That's double handling. That's how it's done. That's double handling. That's how it's done. I have my own approach. Ooh! Break time. Ooh! Break time. What? Hold on. Hey. SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC, THUNDER RUMBLES (SIGHS) MUFFLED RT CHATTER SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES Oh, rotisserie chicken. You're lovely. But there was no need. Oh, rotisserie chicken. You're lovely. But there was no need. (CHUCKLES, INHALES DEEPLY) Are you all right, Marion? (SIGHS) Uh, I` I don't want to alarm you, but... there was a policewoman outside. Oh, Tracy. Oh, Tracy. You know her? She's my new neighbour. She popped over to introduce herself. Nice enough girl. But, um, what about your pot plants? WHISPERS: You` You said you had a couple of wee plants. WHISPERS: You` You said you had a couple of wee plants. I am rather fond of them. Well, they're not wee. Well, they're not wee. I know. They've really flourished. You have to get rid of them. You have to get rid of them. I can't. It's hard when I've put so much into them. And I haven't really got the strength to move them. What about your daughter? What about your daughter? Well, she'd refuse, now that she's with the builder. Straight edge, they say. Nothing straight about them. I don't wanna sound like an old square, and I know it's helping, but it's illegal, and there's a police officer living next door. and there's a police officer living next door. I know. And that's a real worry. INSTRUMENTS PLAY SOFTLY OK. Just play this cool, OK? GUITAR, DRUMS PLAY SOFTLY Hi, Dave. Hi, Dave. What? Oh, shit. Oh, shit. SHOUTS: Come back here right now! Hi, Liam. Jasmine, stop! Jasmine, stop! Mum! Leave me alone! Let's go home. Come on. Let's go home. Come on. No! Oh, crap! BOTH PANT, GRUNT Mum! Mum! Oh-ho! Don't do that. Come on. I'm not coming! I'm not coming! Hey. Stop doing that trick. You're not 6 any more! (WHIMPERS) I'm bigger, and it works way better! (WHIMPERS) I'm bigger, and it works way better! BOTH PANT (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) Oh! (GRUNTS) Oh! Stop... running away from me. Stop chasing me! Stop chasing me! I'll stop chasing if you stop running! Oh! Stop that! Gah! Gah! Oh! Oh God! Ugh! Oh! OMG! Get off! Not if you're gonna run away. Not if you're gonna run away. Oh! Mum! (SHRIEKS) I'm not going anywhere; neither are you. I'm not going anywhere; neither are you. (SOBS) Help! Someone! Help! What kind of name is Gaddiction anyway? What kind of name is Gaddiction anyway? Where's Jasmine at? Cara's probably giving her a good talking-to. Cara's probably giving her a good talking-to. She hasn't done anything. Her mum told her not to come away with you, and she bailed anyway. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. CHUCKLES: Yeah. Still, if her mum was a bit more reasonable, maybe Jasmine wouldn't have to lie. Cara is very reasonable. What's up, Pastor Steve? What's up, Pastor Steve? Hey, uh, bit of a kerfuffle outside. What's up, Pastor Steve? Hey, uh, bit of a kerfuffle outside. JASMINE: Ah! Mum, get off me! I'm so calling CYFs when we get home. (HUFFS) Cara? Cara? Jas. Cara? Jas. Is there a problem here? It's child abuse. (CHUCKLES) CURIOUS MUSIC SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC DOG YIPS TENSE MUSIC # # MUSIC FADES OUT Yes, your tomatoes are in a good spot ` nice and private. Sunny, too. (CHUCKLES) (INHALES DEEPLY) Wonderful. (INHALES DEEPLY) Wonderful. Now, about food ` do you think sheep pellets or liquid fish? KNOCK ON DOOR > KNOCK ON DOOR > Oh, I've got to go. Um, things are all good. Gran, here's that online headpiece I was telling you about. What are you doing? Uh, nothing. (CHUCKLES) Let's have a look at the dress. Uh, nothing. (CHUCKLES) Let's have a look at the dress. No, it's a headpiece. For the quest at Riverhead. Do you think the antlers are too much? Do you think the antlers are too much? (CHUCKLES) No. Gaddiction is actually... God addiction. God addiction. You're a Christian? He's even saving himself for marriage. Right (!) Right (!) Oh, it's true. A promise ring. I promise to save myself for the woman I'm gonna spend forever with. When I was at school, all the Christian boys I knew were only in it to score girls at youth group. Wow. That's so douche-y. That's so douche-y. Liam's not like that. That's so douche-y. Liam's not like that. He's not, actually. Well, he's polite... and respectful. And he does his job; he never complains, and it is a shit job. And he always pulls up Hugo and me sometimes when we're arseholes. He's got values. He's got values. WHISPERS: Dave. What are you doing? All I'm saying is that... Jasmine could do a hell of a lot worse. Thanks, bro. Thanks, bro. Yeah. Thanks, Dave. Mrs Gray, do you wanna come in and listen to our soundcheck? Please, Mum. Please, Mum. I'm in. You will not regret this. (PLAYS INTRO) # MUSIC BUILDS # A lost boy in the dark. # He found me there stuck. # I was alone in the night, # and you made everything so right. # My friend J. # Never knew I could feel this way. Oh my God. He wrote a song for Jasmine. I think he might be talking about his other friend beginning with J. # My friend J. # My friend J. Oh, right. # Never knew I could feel this way. # Never knew it would be OK. # I love you, my friend J. # (SOBS SOFTLY) You OK? You OK? It's` It's` It's just so, um... (SNIFFS) BAND PLAYS INSTRUMENTAL Hey. You OK? You OK? It's silly. You OK? It's silly. (CHUCKLES) Yes. I never knew this about you. I never knew this about you. (SIGHS, SOBS SOFTLY) Knew what? Your appalling taste in music. (SIGHS) Is it really so bad, her being here? It's just... she's young and in love, and... I remember being just like that. I remember being just like that. You were? (SNIFFS) At the end of sixth form. I didn't wanna stay in Morrinsville over summer, and I wanted to catch the bus to see Stewie in Auckland, and, uh,... my mum chased me and... sat on me. She did? I've turned into my mother. (CHUCKLES) I've turned into my mother. (CHUCKLES) No. And then Dad told Mum she was being a bit over the top. Possibly. Possibly. And... Jasmine doesn't have a dad, so I have to be hard on her. But who's gonna tell me I'm being over the top when I sit on my daughter? You're over the top, Cara. You're over the top, Cara. I know! But there has to boundaries. I` I have to be responsible. Let her stay here. How is that responsible? How is that responsible? Liam's a good dude, and Jasmine's a stroppy little... person. And coming down hard on her is only gonna push her away. And coming down hard on her is only gonna push her away. You think? And you're not on your own here. You have me. I do, don't I? I do, don't I? You definitely do. Move in with me. Move in with me. What? I'm sorry. I know you don't wanna do that. We agreed that we didn't wanna do that. When do you want me? When do you want me? You wanna do it? Waking up with you every morning, or waking up to Azza and Betty frotting all over the kitchen? (CHUCKLES) It's not a hard decision. Hey, I'm even up for Marion. BOTH CHUCKLE (SOBS, SNIFFS) This is so great. (LAUGHS) (CHUCKLES) (CHUCKLES) (CHUCKLES) (LAUGHS) I went to a party with Liam. All right, mate. I hear ya. Betty. I went to a party with Liam. All right, mate. I hear ya. Betty. Yes. Chef's got a few problems. Chef? Your man can hardly cook. Can you get off there, please? It's not cool. Now, Chef` uh, Cook ` you've been swearing at him. Hardly. I called him a slack-jawed, mouth-breathing arse mullet. OK, Betty, this isn't really working out. OK, Betty, this isn't really working out. What? You being here. You being here. It's totally not. I'm glad we agree. I'm glad we agree. It's your systems. They're horse shit. I don't have any. Dishes get dirty, you clean 'em; get dirty, you clean 'em again. There's gotta be a better way. OK, Betty,... I'm letting you go. I'm fine. I'm letting you go. I'm letting you go. I need the money and the staff dinner, so I'm staying. Nark. (CHUCKLES) (CLEARS THROAT) Logan's in the bath. Scarlett's studying, but Jasmine's not home yet. I've tried texting. It's OK. I know where she is. Tell me it's not Silverdale. Tell me it's not Silverdale. She's... staying the night at her friend's house. Which friend? Which friend? Demi. I thought they weren't talking. I thought they weren't talking. Oh, you know what girls are like ` worst enemies one minute, and then, you know... Anyway, h` how was your day? Oh, uneventful. Marion, pot. I beg your pardon? (GASPS) Oh! Uh, right. Um... Oh, uh, uh, could you, uh, ke` keep an eye on that while I go down to the apartment to get some more milk? You dirty little liar. I know. But she's got this look when she disapproves. Hmm. I think I know that look. Hmm. I think I know that look. (CHUCKLES) And... I quite like you when you're being bad. And... I quite like you when you're being bad. (LAUGHS) Well, we are going to be living in sin. Maybe we shouldn't bring that up just yet. (INHALES SHARPLY) (INHALES SHARPLY) (SHRIEKS, GIGGLES) LOUD ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS Azza. I need your help, man. I need your help, man. Yeah? I need your help, man. Yeah? Your girlfriend. I don't have one. That creature in there is not only the worst dishwasher in the world; she's also psychotic. Eh? Eh? She refuses to do any of her duties. When she's not telling Cook how to do his job, she's abusing him. When she's not telling Cook how to do his job, she's abusing him. Maybe Cook should grow a pair. Eh? Eh? And don't talk about my girlfriend like that ` ever. Who's your girlfriend? Who's your girlfriend? You are, dammit. Who's your girlfriend? You are, dammit. I never wanted to be. That's what you are or what you have been, so... quit your whining and get used to it. God. So forceful. Makes me kinda hot. Hey. > Hey, cut it out. This is a place of business. Get off. We're taking our business elsewhere. We're taking our business elsewhere. Oh, really? Actually, no. No other pub would let me run a tab. So we're going home. For now. So you're leaving? So you're leaving? Sure. I quit. She's better than this job. She's better than this job. OK, can I get that in writing? And then we played this massive game of spotlight, which was so funny, except Pastor Steve stood on a hedgehog, which is, like, OMG. But Liam made sure he was OK ` the hedgehog, not Pastor Steve. Because he cares about animals, even gross ones. Sounds totes amazeballs (!) Better than playing dress-ups with a bunch of freaks and losers. Better than playing dress-ups with a bunch of freaks and losers. They are not. Are so. Are so. Bible-bashing bimbo. Are so. Bible-bashing bimbo. Mum! Dave's moving in with us. Yay! Yay! Cool! That's awes. Yay! Cool! That's awes. Really? Totes. Dave rocks. What?! What?! Is he our dad now? No, sweetheart. No, sweetheart. What is he, then? No, sweetheart. What is he, then? Yeah. What is he? He's, sort of, um... Well, he's my, uh... To you, I guess he's a, um,... step` step` Please don't say stepfather. step` Please don't say stepfather. Stepdad. Dave. Dave. Step-Dave? Dave. Step-Dave? Just Dave. Bye. Nice one, Mum. Everyone deserves happiness ` even people your age. Nice one, Mum. Everyone deserves happiness ` even people your age. Thanks, Jas. Logan,... > OK? OK? Yeah! ROCK MUSIC So, what we're thinking is... Betty moves in. That's perfect. And cos we're sharing a room, she pays half my rent, and I pay half of my rent, and you keep paying your full rent. Oh. That's not exactly gonna work. That's not exactly gonna work. How come? Your room is way bigger than our room, so it's fair. Your room is way bigger than our room, so it's fair. Actually, I'm moving out. Eh? Eh? To live with Cara. It's time. Dude, how can it be time when we're unemployed? That's thoughtless. Uh, I... It's... Uh, I... It's... Is it cos of Betty? Uh, I... It's... Is it cos of Betty? Is it? I'm moving out because I love Cara and she loves me, and we want to live together. Oh, sick-making. I know I said it wasn't gonna happen, but... at least you guys have got each other. She can't even bowl; she throws. She can't even bowl; she throws. I still have to do what I have to do. Azza. Azza. Give me it. Come on, Betty. I'm sorry? He's what? Dave is moving out of his flat and... into upstairs. (CHUCKLES) I see. I see. You're OK with it? I see. You're OK with it? Well, it's your funeral. Marion, don't be like that. This wasn't decided lightly. So you've considered the children, then ` how they'll feel. So you've considered the children, then ` how they'll feel. Actually, Jas is all for it. They've bonded. And Logan, he's happy; and... Scarlett hasn't said much, but then she never does. Well, then. I suppose you know what you're doing. I think I do. Yes. So,... Marion hates the idea. Of course she does. Cos if Dave moves in, you'll never get back with Stewie. But I would never do that. But I would never do that. Hm. Of course she wouldn't. So, Julia, you don't have a problem with Dave moving in? It's none of my business. I'll take these two. SOFT MUSIC PLAYS What? What? You're very relaxed these days. Not particularly. I've got a major international contract coming up. It's gonna be madness. What Cara means is how come you're not telling her she's making a fool of herself; it'll all end in tears, and you know someone much more suitable? and you know someone much more suitable? I just think it's Cara's decision. Wow. Wow. That's good of you. It means a lot. It means a lot. Well, am I getting an eyebrow tint, or are we standing around chatting? Go on through. (SLAPS WAIST) FOOTSTEPS RECEDE PHONE RINGS DOOR SHUTS > DOOR SHUTS > (CLEARS THROAT) Temptation Spa. Cara speaking. Sorry, Logan brought what to school? Our class has been studying seasons, and their task was to create a piece of work called 'Autumn Leaves'. This... is what Logan handed in. CHILDREN CHATTER OUTSIDE Oh. Oh. Yes,... cannabis leaves. I, um... I have no idea where he could have got them from. I have no idea where he could have got them from. I did ask him. And what did he say? And what did he say? Well, that's the most disturbing part. (GASPS) Shit! Shit! Holy moly. How the hell did they get here? How the hell did they get here? Um, maybe a bird dropped a seed and suddenly... They're in terracotta pots, Jen. They're in terracotta pots, Jen. Clever bird. They're in terracotta pots, Jen. Clever bird. Hello. What's happening? Everything's fine. Everything's fine. Nothing to be seen here. Everything's fine. Nothing to be seen here. Really? (SIGHS) What is it? I know you'll jump to conclusions` I know you'll jump to conclusions` Someone is cultivating some serious weed in your back garden. Good God! Who would do such a thing? Not the person you're thinking. I'm not casting aspersions on anyone, but isn't it funny`? I'm not casting aspersions on anyone, but isn't it funny`? Oh, here we go. How you invite a nightclubbing youth into your home and`? How you invite a nightclubbing youth into your home and`? Dave isn't a nightclubbing anything. And, next minute, illegal drugs next to my heirloom tomatoes. (SNORTS) (SNORTS) They're not Dave's! They're not. They're not. Whatever you say. What are you doing? What are you doing? Just making sure they're not Dave's. Well, surely you have to get back to work. Well, surely you have to get back to work. Jen can cover. I need to sort this. Oh. Wow. I went to a party with Liam. Those are some seriously healthy buds. SOFTLY: And you really don't know where they came from? SOFTLY: And you really don't know where they came from? Eh? Of course not. You said you were stashing some stuff in the garage. You said you were stashing some stuff in the garage. My cricket gear. Ha! A likely story. Ha! A likely story. It's true. Ha! A likely story. It's true. Well, who else would it be? Larping people. They might need nature's magic to get the story going. How dare you? Scarlett is a good girl, not a deadbeat. Well, what about that boy that Dave introduced Jasmine to? Liam's religious. Liam's religious. Is he? He's got tattoos. What are you doing? What are you doing? I need to get rid of these things. What if the rightful owner comes back and finds them gone? They could be some gang member. With those pots? With those pots? (SIGHS) I` I'll dispose of them. With those pots? (SIGHS) I` I'll dispose of them. You will? Uh, I don't mind. I'll, um` I'll put them in the green-garden bin. Maybe we should just call the police, tell them the truth. Maybe we should just call the police, tell them the truth. Don't be so silly! (PANTS) They might not believe that we found them. They might blame him or one of the girls. I'll take them. Really?! Really?! Hell, yeah. You ladies, you know nothing. Well, that` that would be good ` to know nothing. to know nothing. I suppose so. You two go inside, and when you come back out, the plants will be gone. Can I borrow your people mover? This is literally the best day of my life. Even if I'm moving out? As a house-cooling gift, you've outdone yourself, bro. As a house-cooling gift, you've outdone yourself, bro. Yeah, well... (CHUCKLES) Sorry I gave you grief. Sorry I gave you grief. Forgotten. Sorry I gave you grief. Forgotten. Good buds. We are good buds. The best! (LAUGHS) We are good buds. The best! (LAUGHS) Buds forever, man. Go well, DR. May you and your cougar` Go well, DR. May you and your cougar` Cara. ...your Cara... live happily ever after. I'm sorry. It's lovely, but I'm really not up to much today. (SIGHS) I really didn't want to tell you over the phone,... i` in case it's tapped or... (PANTS) (SIGHS) Look,... we've had a setback. What kind of setback? My daughter-in-law found the plants. My daughter-in-law found the plants. Bloody nora. She's very unhappy. Did you say what they were for? Did you say what they were for? I couldn't. Otherwise I'd have to tell her who they belonged to. Oh, I need them back. Oh, I need them back. Well, the problem is she got rid of them. Pardon? Uh, I tried to stop her. I mean, she and the interloper, they just bulldozed over me. (PANTS) I` I` I'm so sorry. I'll give you some money to pay` I'll give you some money to pay` Those plants were worth hundreds of dollars. Oh, and what's my cancer group gonna say? Cancer group? Cancer group? M` My support group. I bake medicinal brownies for them. I don't know what I'm gonna tell them. I don't know what I'm gonna tell them. (SIGHS) Then don't tell 'em anything. I'll fix this. I promise. Fight Club sounds cool. Can I watch it? Maybe when you're a bit older. Go and get ready for bed, dear. OK. Should really stash some of these R-16s somewhere. Should really stash some of these R-16s somewhere. Well, there's always the garage. (CHUCKLES) (CHUCKLES) < DOOR SHUTS You, um,... managed to dispose of the stuff without any issues? I did, yeah. Where did you take them? Um, just out of interest. Where did you take them? Um, just out of interest. Why? I... I want to... make sure they're` that they're not traceable. (CHUCKLES) Not traceable? Not traceable? And that you were responsible in the way that you did dispose of them, because, uh, apparently that stuff is quite valuable. Bullshit. Bullshit. I'm sorry? I never picked you for a drug fiend, Marion. What?! What?! You want to know because they're yours. They are not! They belong to a friend, and she desperately needs them. This is a matter of life and death, you ignorant little... (PANTS) There is a whole support group of cancer sufferers who are relying on them. For real? For real? Yes. (BREATHES HEAVILY) (BREATHES HEAVILY) OK, then. OK what? OK what? I'll help you out. (SIGHS) Good. (SIGHS) Yes, because... it's all a little... awkward, obviously. it's all a little... awkward, obviously. I won't tell Cara. And now for the heartfelt thanks? Thank you. Thank you. Close enough. I'll call Az,... (SIGHS) let him know you're coming. You can't just retrieve the stuff yourself? You can't just retrieve the stuff yourself? DOOR CLOSES, PAPER RIPS Hi. Hi. Oh. Hello. Hi. Oh. Hello. How's it? What's going on? Marion was just saying how happy she is to have me and wants to cook a roast dinner to celebrate. Uh, yes. (CHUCKLES) Uh, yes. (CHUCKLES) Marion,... that is so lovely. Mm. Yes. Isn't it? Isn't it? (CLICKS TEETH) LUCY: This is the place. MARION: What a dump! MARION: What a dump! (CHUCKLES) I've seen worse. No wonder he's keen to shack up with my daughter-in-law. Probably thinks all his Christmases have come at once. Probably thinks all his Christmases have come at once. (CHUCKLES) LOUD KNOCKING DANCE MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY Hello. Dave sent us. I believe you have something that's mine. Um... Um... Who are they? Um... Who are they? I dunno. This is Lucy, and I'm Marion. I know you. You're the scary grandmother. You're the scary grandmother. (SIGHS) You have some of Lucy's property ` of a horticultural nature. You mean the plants? We sold them. You what?! You what?! They were a gift; we needed the money. Did Dave not ring you and say we were coming? We don't answer it, in case it's WINZ with part-time work. We don't answer it, in case it's WINZ with part-time work. My plants are gone? We've got cronuts, though. We've got cronuts, though. Oh dear. I can leave my bed for the next person. There` There's... I can leave my bed for the next person. There` There's... Dave,... is that Marion's car? Shit. Shit. It is. What's she doing here? What's she doing here? This might be a bad time. We should... come back later. Dave, what's going on? You'll laugh when you hear. (LAUGHS) BETTY: We haven't got them. BETTY: We haven't got them. Codswallop. BETTY: We haven't got them. Codswallop. AZ: Back off, baldie. Dave. Help? Would anyone like to tell me what's going on here? Would anyone like to tell me what's going on here? Not a great deal. Uh... (CHUCKLES) Uh, Lucy, this is my daughter-in-law, Cara. Cara, this is Lucy ` um,... Lucky 1 ` my, uh, friend from Trade Me. Hello. So, you're the daughter-in-law. So, you're the daughter-in-law. (CHUCKLES) We're all... getting to know each other. And why would that be? Doesn't matter. We were just going. Doesn't matter. We were just going. No, we weren't. Doesn't matter. We were just going. No, we weren't. Yes, we are. Uh, so` so nice to have met you all. (CHUCKLES) Wow. I really don't know what's happening right now. Uh, there was a misunderstanding ` a whole support group of cancer sufferers who needed a little help. Apparently marijuana is medicinal, did you know? You lied to me. You lied, and you tried to blame Dave. I don't care why you did it. No, actually, I do know why you did it. But what I can't get my head around is you put my children at risk. They're my grandchildren. I would`! Yes, they are your grandchildren, and you put those plants out there and Logan found them! What is wrong with you, Marion? What is wrong with you, Marion? What is wrong with you? I'm sorry? I'm sorry? I had a lapse in judgement, but it was for my dying friend. You! The way you've been carrying on ` for a little bit of fun between the sheets? Is that what you think it is? Is that what you think it is? It's selfish, if you ask me. I didn't ask, because it's my decision who I love and who I want to share my life with. And, after all this time, it feels good. Really good! Is Gran having dinner? Is Gran having dinner? I don't know. I hope Marion's not avoiding dinner because of me. I hope Marion's not avoiding dinner because of me. Don't really care what she's doing. (CHUCKLES) Right. (CHUCKLES) Right. She can eat with us whenever she wants ` if she apologises to you. I don't need that. I don't need that. Well, you damn well deserve it. And now, shall we? And now, shall we? Let's get into it. And now, shall we? Let's get into it. < INDISTINCT TV DIALOGUE OK. Come on, guys. Come on, guys. I'm sitting next to Dave. Yum. Gonna say grace, Jas? Gonna say grace, Jas? Oh, I'm not into all that. Gonna say grace, Jas? Oh, I'm not into all that. You're not? Well, I respect Liam's beliefs, and he respects mine. That pink doesn't go with red and that Taylor was so right to ditch Harry. Shut up. Shut up. Well, I think, good on ya, Jas. (SIGHS) Thanks, Dave. You all right, Scarlett? You all right, Scarlett? Not especially. You all right, Scarlett? Not especially. What now? Like you don't already know. He's sitting in Gran's seat. He's sitting in Gran's seat. That's because`! She's not here. Just eat your dinner, please. (EXHALES) Hi. I'm just putting the recycling out. Got any you want put out? I'm quite capable of doing it, thank you. Nice flat. Nice flat. It's called the apartment. But don't bother to butter me up. I thought we had a deal. Roast dinner, in fact. I thought we had a deal. Roast dinner, in fact. That was before the goods went AWOL. I do feel bad about your friend ` Cancer Lady. I do feel bad about your friend ` Cancer Lady. Lucy. So,... if she still needs some... medicinal stuff,... I can help you out. I can help you out. You can retrieve her property? No, that's gone, but I can point you in the right direction... to purchase some more. You have underworld connections, do you? You have underworld connections, do you? Hardly. But, if you don't want to bother... But, if you don't want to bother... I'd, uh` I'd only be doing it for Lucy... to ease her suffering. Sweet. UPBEAT MUSIC ENGINE STOPS And that place... was an actual gang headquarters? It was just a tinny house. I don't make a habit of visiting them. And yet you knew where it was. And yet you knew where it was. (LAUGHS) You're the one who paid for the ounce. You all right? I've never been a drug mule before. (CHUCKLES) Excuse me. Can I have a word? Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Hi. You visit a lot, don't you? < DOOR SHUTS Quite a bit, I suppose. Quite a bit, I suppose. Something we can help you with, officer? Uh, Lucy. Unit two. You're a friend of hers? You're a friend of hers? Uh, uh, she's a Trade Me customer I've become acquainted with. Uh, I've made several purchases from her ` figurines, porcelain. That's all. Nothing else. Um, just clowns and the like. Is there a problem? Is there a problem? Well, yeah. I'm so sorry, officer. I'm so, so sorry. I'm so sorry, officer. I'm so, so sorry. Oh, so you do know. What? What? Know what? She's gone. She's gone. Gone? Where? Oh, I'm so sorry. Uh, I saw her up at the mailbox, and she was having difficulty breathing. I... called the ambulance and her daughter. They took her to hospital, but she just went downhill. There wasn't much they could do. I'm so sorry. I can give you her daughter's number. Um... I'm so sorry. I can give you her daughter's number. Um... You OK? Yes, of course. Oh my God. Lucy. Dave told me about your friend. Yes. Bit of a shock. She still has some trades outstanding. I'm really sorry, Marion. I'm really sorry, Marion. Well, it's the way the world turns. Dinner will be on the table in 15 if` Dinner will be on the table in 15 if` I'm fine. Thank you. OK. (TYPES SOFTLY) Are you sure you're OK? An infection, her daughter said. But if your immune system is kaput... and if I hadn't taken her to that flat of yours... and if she hadn't overexerted herself... and if she hadn't overexerted herself... Marion, you can't blame yourself. I'm not. Right. CRASH! CRASH! Sorry. CRASH! Sorry. Leave it. I don't want us to be on bad terms. I don't want us to be on bad terms. Just go. Take this stuff. Get it out of my house! (BREATHES SHAKILY) Do you like Super Muso Man? Do you like Super Muso Man? Yeah, cool guitar. Do you like Super Muso Man? Yeah, cool guitar. It turns into a weapon. And music is a weapon. It totally kills and inspires. You have cool tattoos. You have cool tattoos. Well, cool when your mum says so. You have cool tattoos. Well, cool when your mum says so. You were right. He is a nice boy. Very responsible. Shame about his taste in music. (CHUCKLES) Very responsible. Shame about his taste in music. (CHUCKLES) I like his music. I love you so much, that's not even a deal-breaker. NEW EMPIRE'S 'RELIGHT THE FIRE' (GIGGLES) # In capturing the seasons, # I've lost between the amber leaves. # I've hurt; I've lied; I've cursed. # I'm laughing till I cry. # The words we heard ` # the most I hold the closest, # and I just don't know why. # Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2014