CHOIR SINGS EERIE MUSIC Supertext Subtitles by Australian Caption Centre Captions edited by Tracey Dawson. www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Able 2014 TRANQUIL MELODY ON STRINGS Snuggle in, sweetie. It's cold out there. Why is it snowing, Grandma? Where does it come from? Oh, that's a long story, sweetheart. I wanna hear. Oh, not tonight. Go to sleep. I'm not sleepy. Tell me? Please? Well, all right. Let's see. (Sighs) I guess it would have to start with scissors. Scissors? Well... there are all kinds of scissors and once there was even a man who had scissors for hands. A man? Yes. Hands? Scissors? No, scissorhands. You know the... mansion... ..on top of the mountain? It's haunted. Well... ..a long time ago... ..an inventor lived in that mansion. He made many things, I suppose. TRANQUIL ORCHESTRAL AND CHORAL MUSIC He also created a man. He gave him insides - a heart, a brain, everything. Well, almost everything. MUSIC BECOMES EERIE You see, the inventor was very old. He died before he got to finish the man he invented. So the man was left by himself. Incomplete... ..and all alone. He didn't have a name? Of course he had a name. His name was Edward. UPLIFTING, MYSTERIOUS MUSIC SILENCE DOGS BARK, BIRDS CHIRP MANUAL MOWER RATTLES HAMMERING OF WOOD VACUUM CLEANER HUMS DOORBELL RINGS, DOG BARKS Avon calling! Weren't you just here? No! Not since last season. Today I've come to show you our exquisite new line of softer colours in shadows, blushes and lipstick. Everything you need to accent and highlight your changing look. My 'changing look'? That's good. (Chuckles) Well, I also have a complete selection of your old favourites - those tried-and-true products we all depend on year in, year out. Peg, I never buy anything. You know that. I know. 'Bye. 'Bye, Helen. You didn't have to call me. You could have done it yourself. I could? I don't think so. Yeah, it's easy. Your food trap's clogged. Oh. You just unscrew this bolt here... Mm-hmm. OK? And out she pops. On TV, they say repairmen are lonely people. Housewives get lonely too. You mightn't realise that since there's no commercial about it. Then you take this and put it back nice and easy. Don't force it because it fits in by itself. Then you screw this back on. DOORBELL RINGS Oh, now who could that be? Will you excuse me for a moment? Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back. This is fascinating. I wouldn't wanna miss a moment of it! TOM JONES SINGS 'DELILAH' Good morning, Joyce! Avon calling. Why, Peg, have you gone blind? Can't you see there's a vehicle in my driveway? Oh. Yes. I'm surprised you don't realise that means I'm busy! OK, now we should decide on lipsticks. OK, dear, which did you like best? There was Winsome Wahine which looked charming on you, or the Bahimini Bliss. I like 'em both. Well, great! You don't actually think I've got money, do you? ORGAN AND DRUMS MELODY ON HAMMOND ORGAN (Girl sings) # Ding, dong! The Avon lady! # (Groans) Just not my day. (Sighs tiredly) (Sighs) EERIE MUSIC OMINOUS MUSIC MYSTERIOUS MELODY ON GLOCKENSPIEL MUSIC SWELLS POIGNANT MELODY ON VIOLINS (Gasps) Oh, my goodness! (Whispers) Oh, it's so beautiful! EERIE MUSIC CONTINUES Hello? WINGS FLAP (Shouts) Hello? DOOR CREAKS HEAVILY Hello! Avon calling! MYSTERIOUS MUSIC CONTINUES MUSIC GROWS OMINOUS (Gasps) Oh, my... SNIPPING NOISE (Calls) Hello? Hello! Hello, I'm Peg Boggs. I'm your local Avon representative. Hello? MUSIC RISES DRAMATICALLY I... I'm sorry to barge in like this, but you don't have any reason to be afraid. Ooh! This is some huge house, isn't it? Thank goodness for those aerobics... classes... MUSIC FADES INSTANTLY WIND BLOWS, FLOOR CREAKS MYSTERIOUS MUSIC SNIPPING NOISE SNIPPING CONTINUES Hello? (Calls) Hello. Why are you hiding back there? You don't have to hide from me. I'm Peg Boggs. I'm your local Avon representative and I'm as harmless as cherry pie...! (Gasps) Oh, my! I can see that I've disturbed you. How stupid of me. I'll be going now. Don't... go. (Gasps) Oh, my... What happened to you? I'm not finished... Oh! Put those down. Don't come any closer. Just please... Those are your hands? (Whispers) Those are your hands... (Softly) What HAPPENED to you? Where are your parents? Um... your mother? Your father? He didn't wake up. Are you alone? Do you live up here all by yourself? What happened to your face? Hmm. (Snaps scissors) No, I won't hurt you. But at least let me give you a good astringent and this will help to prevent infection. What's your name? Edward. Edward? I think you should just come home with me. DREAMY, HAPPY MUSIC (Child screams) (Squeals) Oh! Um, I'm sorry. No. No, don't be. You go ahead and look. You have every reason to be excited. Oh! You OK? (Softly) You OK? MUSIC BECOMES LYRICAL PHONE RINGS Hello. Hi. Yeah, it's Marge. I was talking to Carol outside and Peg drove by with somebody in the car. Did you see who it was? No, I didn't. Did she mention having a guest? She said nothing to me. She called by at the crack of dawn. Nah. OK, I'll meet you on the corner. Right. 'Bye. ENGAGED SIGNAL Oh, damn! PEG: Here we go, dear. This is our house. You go in and make yourself at home, OK? And we'll have something to eat or drink or whatever. Here, dear. This is the front door here. Here we go. Right in here. Joyce? I saw this strange guy driving with Peg. I didn't get a good look. He looked kinda pale. OK, don't do anything without me. (Shrieks) Yes! Be right there! (Barks softly) Here we are. STRINGS PLAY UPLIFTING MELODY So... um, this is the living room and back here are the bedrooms. You wanna see the pictures. All right. Well, this is my husband, Bill. He's a bowling champion. Do you know what a bowling alley is? No, bowling. No, well, here they are down at the lake fishing. I think Kevin looks a little glum because... ..they didn't catch anything that day. And um... here's my daughter, Kim... ..all dressed for the junior prom. CHOIR SINGS LYRICAL MUSIC She's a senior now, if you can believe it. She's camping in the mountains with friends but... ..she'll be back soon and you'll meet her then. Isn't she beautiful? That's my family. Come along and see the rest of the house. You can freshen up and make yourself at home. That's the kitchen over there. Help yourself to anything you want and... Those are grapes. And um... back here are the bedrooms. Let me get you some towels and find you something to wear. You know what? I have some of Bill's old clothes here. This is perfect. Here. These should just fit you. PHONE RINGS Oh. No, don't be alarmed. That's just the phone. Put these on in Kim's room, and I'll be right back. WATERBED SQUELCHES TOY SQUEAKS (Softly) No, no. Er, scissors. No - scissors. Scissors? That's right. Well, he... he was... ..born up there or something. Have you seen him before? I don't think he's ever left there. You're kidding! How did you get together? Listen, I have to go now. We'll talk later, Marge. Bye-bye. PHONE RINGS I'm sorry, Edward, I didn't... Oh, dear. May I help you with this? Thank you. There. Oh, dear. You've... you've cut your face. Here, let me just get this right off. Does that hurt? No. No. Good. OK. Now let's get you dressed. (Softly) OK. There we go. Very fine. You look fine. Just fine. Ooh. Joyce, come on! We're waiting for you. I've got rollers in my hair. (Women continue chattering) (Whispers) OK. Now...what did I do with my scis... Edward, um... ..would you...? Thank you. You know, I have a doctor friend who I think could help you. Really? Yes! Now, I can help with the scars... ..but I just wanna consult the big Avon handbook before doing anything. SNEAKY MUSIC (Women chatter) (Whispers) Kevin! (Whispers) Kevin! It's not polite to stare, dear. Kevin, think how it would make you feel if somebody stared at you. I wouldn't care. (Whispers angrily) Well, I would! So don't do it! This must be quite a change for you, right, Ed? No - Edward, dear. He prefers 'Edward'. Ah. Sure. What have you been doing in that old place? I bet the... I bet the view must be spectacular, huh, Ed? Edward. Yes? Mmm. (Swallows) No, I... I just... See all the way to the ocean, huh? Sometimes. Bill, could I have the salt and pepper? Bill, dear, could I have the salt and pepper? Thank you. Kevin. Kevin. Man, those things are cool. You know, I bet they're razor-sharp. One karate chop to a guy's neck... Kevin. (Gently) Edward? Would you like some butter for your bread? Great! Thank you. Hey... can I bring him to show-and-tell on Monday? Kevin, I've had enough. You think you can sleep? I know things feel strange now, but soon you'll feel right at home. Goodnight. Goodnight. WATERBED SQUELCHES The light concealing cream goes on first. Then you blend and blend and blend. Blending is the secret. Mm-hmm. More concealing cream. Your complexion is so fair. Now this has a touch of lavender in it. Give it a try here. Close enough. OK. This should do the trick here. Hmm! I have another idea. We'll cover up the scars and start with a completely smooth surface. Darn this stuff! SPORTS COMMENTARY ON RADIO COMMENTATOR: If it's a hit, the club has 12 hits. But they still have to level the scoreboard and it's 3 to 1. Hall went through to one. They've changed it to 12 hits. Turn it up, Kevin. I can't hear it. SCISSORS CLIP IN BACKGROUND Kevin. Yeah! Did you hear that, Mr Boggs? No, make it louder. It's gone. It's out of here. It's history. Dad! Look! I'll be darned! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING ON RADIO TAPE REWINDS They filled the whole tape! WOMAN: What's going on over there? Call me. MACHINE BEEPS Hi, it's Marge. Who is he? Call me. It's pouring rain in the mountains. Are the kids OK? MACHINE BEEPS JOYCE: Hey, there, darling. The gals are all in a tizzy about your secret visitor. You can't keep him a secret forever. (Laughs) MACHINE BEEPS BOWLING COMMENTARY ON TV Well, it's just wonderful, Ed. My God, you have the whole family in there, don't you? Edward, come here. No, no, no! That's a terrible idea, son. Get the oil can. We don't want him to rust. Oh, Edward. You did us?! Oh, Bill, it's us. Yes, it is. Oh, Edward! It's not heaven he's from. It's straight from the stinking flames of hell. I can feel Satan's power in him. Have you poor sheep strayed so far from the path? We're not sheep. Don't come near me. That's right. Get out of here. Run! DOORBELL RINGS Edward, don't you listen to her. Don't worry about her, Edward. She's just an old loony. That's all. ALL: Hi!!! You're hiding in there like a bunch of hermit crabs. Hi, Joyce. Hi! Shame on you - keeping your unusual guest all to yourselves. We think that's mighty selfish. Things have just been a little hectic. It's so sweet of you to correct the situation. When does the barbecue begin? Barbecue?! You'll show your guest hospitality by introducing him to your friends, won't you? I'll bring coleslaw. I'll bring dessert. And I will bring the ambrosia salad. Ohh! What time was it that you said? Uh, what time? Uh... Bill! About 5:00? Bill! 5:00? He has been sent first to tempt you, but it's not too late. You must push him from you, expel him. Trample down the perversion of nature! Did you hear that? He's 'a perversion of nature'. Why, isn't that exciting? (Giggling) (Grumbles) See you later. OK, 'bye. Thanks so much. (All chatter excitedly) Bill! I've always said you can't have a picnic or a barbecue without devilled eggs. They're just the best. They make the thing. Oh, dear Edward, that's wonderful! I didn't know you chopped the whole thing. What a really big...! Oh, all right now. It's just a nick. There's no need to be nervous, dear. You know, Esmeralda won't be here. And the rest of the neighbours, they're really very nice. There's no need to be nervous. They're so eager to meet you. You just have to be yourself. Myself? That's right. Just your own sweet self. DREAMY ORCHESTRAL MUSIC DRAMATIC MUSIC METALLIC RINGING SOUND RINGING SOUND MACHINERY SQUEAKS DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC RATTLING OF MACHINES MELANCHOLY MUSIC HAWAIIAN-STYLE MUSIC Thanks, Edward. Play 'Scissor, Paper, Stone' with us. Play 'Scissors' what? Edward, a doctor friend of mine might be able to help you. It looks incredible. He did them just like that. Ohhh! It's incredible! Hi, Mike. How you doing? (Deep voice) Hello, Jack. Hi, kids. Hi! George... Oh! It's a heck of a handshake you've got there, Ed. Harry! I saw you on the golf course last week. I love them. We've got about a dozen. Edward, are you OK? Do you want something to eat? Are you hungry? Do you want a cracker? He's so different! Completely different! No kidding. He's so... Mysterious. Yeah. Do you imagine those hands are hot or cold? And just think what a single snip could do! Or undo?! (All laugh) Here. Eddie! The guys and I would like to invite you to our card game Friday night. Would you like that? Only thing is - you can't cut! (Men laugh) I have my own infirmity. Never did me a bit of harm. Took some shrapnel during the war. Since then I can't feel a thing. Not a damn thing! WOODEN SOUND Don't you let anybody tell you you have a handicap. Who is handicapped? My goodness! (Laughs) Don't be ridiculous. You're not handicapped. You're... What do they call that? Exceptional. My name is Joyce and I noticed that you haven't tasted any of the ambrosia salad that I made especially for you. Allow me. Mmm! Mmm! You must try this too. Isn't this gorgeous? Never have I seen a green thumb like yours. I could use your help at home. Me too! Here you go! I want a row of angels. I'm so sorry, ladies. He's promised to come to my house first, haven't you, Eddie? (Mumbles) I did? OK, everybody. Grab your plates. Soup's on. (Mumbles with full mouth) What? I thought this was shish kebab. It is. It was a figure of speech. Don't take things so literally. MELANCHOLY MUSIC INVENTOR: "Let's pretend we're in the drawing room "and the hostess is serving tea. "Now many numerous little questions confront us. "Should the man rise when he accepts his cup of tea? "May lump sugar be taken with the fingers?" Hmm? No. "Is it good for him to accept a second cup? "Now, should the napkin be entirely unfolded "or should the centre crease be allowed to remain? "It is so easy to commit embarrassing blunders "but etiquette tells us just what is expected of us "and guards us from all humiliation and discomfort." (Chuckles) (Sighs deeply) Mm-hmm. Yes, boring. Let us switch to, ah... ..to some poetry, hmm? "There was an old man from the Cape who made himself garments of crepe "when asked will they tear he replied, 'Here and there "'but they keep such a beautiful shape.'" (Giggles) That's right. Go ahead, smile. It's funny. (Laughs) That's right. Hey, you guys. We're home. CAN RATTLES Shh! I can't believe everything's still sopping. I can hardly wait to wash off the mildew. And to have my bed. If my parents set the alarm, I'll have to sleep outside. I told you to call that we're back early. But did you? No. He'd rather complain. Why am I the centre of attention? You didn't call your parents. Our house isn't run like a police state. 'Bye, guys. Thanks for driving. ALL: 'Bye. 'Bye. 'Bye. 'Bye. Don't forget your arm. Yeah. Come on, Jim. Let's go. KEY TURNS IN LOCK (Screams hysterically) (Screams) There's someone in my room! Look. Look! He's a murderer who's got an axe. No, no. Everything's OK. It's all right. It's all right. Go back to bed. (Screams in a frenzy) All right. All right. Honey, that's our Edward. That's Edward. Edward? What are you talking about? Edward's come to live with us. Don't be upset. (Howls) No, no. It's OK. You'll be set up here in a minute. We've got a full queen-size bed here. Pull that up. It's all made and everything. Good. There you go. What's the matter? What's wrong? (Chuckles) Did she get you nervous? You've been cloistered away up in that castle too long. You don't know anything about the wonderful world of teenage girls. They're all crazy. Here's something that'll straighten you right out. What is it? Lemonade. SCISSORS CLINK ON GLASS I don't know what it is. They reach a certain age. They develop these gland things. Their bodies swell up. (Imitates explosion) They go crazy. Glands? Yeah, glands. I try not to think about it. (Slurps loudly) (Swallows hard) (Wheezes terribly) Good, isn't it? (Whispers) Now, you stay in Kevin's room tonight. Tomorrow we'll fix up your room. Why did you have to bring him here? I couldn't have left him up there all alone. Why does he have to stay here? Kim, I'm surprised. He can't help it the way he is. Have some sympathy. I DO have sympathy. Let's just say hello to him. Come downstairs, shake the man's hand. Shake his hand?! Well, not literally. Goodness, you scared him half to death. I scared HIM to death?! Hey, Bill. I just wanted you two to have a proper introduction. Edward, this is our daughter Kim. Kim, this is Edward who's going to live with us. (Mutters slowly) Uhhhhhhh. Hi. H-h-h-h-h-h-h... BOTH SCREAM 'IT'S NOT UNUSUAL' BY TOM JONES PLAYS # It's not unusual to be loved by anyone... # (Calls) Eddie! Thirsty? # It's not unusual to have fun with anyone... # (Dog barks) Kisses! Hush up! Shh! Quiet now. (Continues barking) Darlin', I can hardly hear myself think. Mama's precious little baby girl. (Kicks dog) (Squeals) (Sighs) Ah! Wouldn't you like a nice cool glass of lemonade? Lemonade? (Vomits) SCHOOL BELL RINGS One chop to a guy's neck and it's all over. AIR WHISTLES PAST BLADES They're the sharpest things in the world. They can hack through anything. And... TRIUMPHANT FLOURISH UP-TEMPO VIOLIN MUSIC ALL CHEER They look weird. They give me the creeps. What about the clown in Miss Peter's yard? Kim! Oh, no! That's him? He's calling you, Kimba. Stop it. WOMAN: Edward, you forgot your cookies. Don't worry, Eddie. She's waiting for you. Stop! Let's go. PEG: Bill, you know what Edward was telling me? He lunched at Jackie's today... Really? Her kitchen was completely redone. I'll be darned. New paint, new cabinets, new floors, ah, new microwave, new silent dishwasher... Isn't that wonderful? Jim, didn't your mom have her kitchen done too? Yeah, Dad bought some new toys. Really? Big-screen TV, CD players... Hm! Ha! VCR with four heads. My goodness! I wonder what it's like to be that rich. (Chuckles) They keep things locked up. My father has a room for his stuff so I can't touch it. He won't even help me buy a car. He wants you to pay for it. Builds character. You'll appreciate it more. Dad! Speaking of money... I understand you're not charging for your gardening, Edward. Now, Bill. Marge made him cookies today. Sweetheart... (Laughs) You can't buy the necessities of life with cookies. You can't buy a car with cookies. Am I right, Jim? That's true, sir. You can't. I can't eat that. He used his hands. I don't think it's sanitary. I'm sorry. (Chuckles) Honey, shall I help you clean that up? No. That's OK. I'll be right back. (Dog barks) (Gasps) Alexis! Oh, this can't possibly be my Alexis! (Squeals) She looks so beautiful! Oh, look at you! Really! She's gorgeous. Thank you. It won't be long. He just has to decide on the style. And then everyone follows. Do you want some coffee or tea? (All chatter excitedly) He just has to decide on a style. I'm hoping for something big and kind of bouffant - kind of like mine. Don't you worry, Kisses. You'll be fine, honey, looking so pretty. Yes, you are. Oh! Oh, my...! (Sighs) Oh! (Laughs lustfully) (Sighs) (Others cheer) Oh! Ah! Oh, Eddie, is there anything you can't do? You take my very breath away, I swear. Look at this. Have you ever cut a woman's hair? Would you cut mine? (Sighs) (Sighs softly) UP-TEMPO VIOLIN MUSIC (Sighs swooningly) (Moans) Oh. That was the single most thrilling experience of my whole life. They're getting the head of the company! KIM: I'm home! Hi, honey. We're in here. Hi. Hi. What did you do to your hair? Edward cut it. Isn't it wild? Hello... Oh, I can't believe I'm talking to you in person. It's such an honour. LADY ON PHONE: Thanks. Is this call about Edward? Yes. He's right here. So then you know all about it? Just a bit. That's exactly what I've been using. Well, I've had a little trouble getting it the right consistency. Yeah, well, just a little. I'll try that! Uh-huh. Well, what imaginative suggestions! I sure will. Thank you so much. Bye-bye! Bye-bye! No wonder she's the head of the company. She started out as a sales representative, just like me. I've always wanted to talk to her, but I never had a reason. Thanks, Edward. She had some ideas? You bet she did. Uh-huh! Mm-hm! I'll get that. SWEET, HOPEFUL MUSIC PLAYS Edward! We're here. Let's get you sharpened up. You got it? No. I can't believe this. This is such a drag. Hi! Goodbye. Bye-bye! Do you have a key? No. I could've sworn I had it. Well, we're stranded. Wow! Thanks! Ed - what a guy. Good job. You didn't break or scratch it or anything! Could you yell when Peg pulls in? AUDIENCE APPLAUDS COMPERE: Quite a story, yes? Any questions for Edward? Yeah! Get my way over. Stand right up. Thank you. What's the best part of your new life in town? The friends I've made. AUDIENCE APPLAUDS Any other questions? Have you ever thought of having corrective surgery or prosthetics? I know a doctor that might be able to help you. I'd like to meet him. We'll get that name after the show. That's very nice. Anyone else? Yes, stand right up. If you had regular hands you'd be like everyone else. Yes, I know. I think he'd like that. But then no one would think you were special. You wouldn't be on TV or anything. No matter what, Edward will always be special. (Sighs) AUDIENCE APPLAUDS More questions? Yes? Stand right up. Your work is so interesting - distinctive and unique. Do you have plans to open your own beauty salon? There's an idea! AUDIENCE APPLAUDS Oh, yeah! Anyone else? Oh, yeah! Stand right up. Do you have a girlfriend? Ohhhhhh! AUDIENCE APPLAUDS Sure he does - right, Kim? Right, Kim? Now you got him started. Knock it off, bubble-butt. You did it! So? How about it, Edward? Is there some special lady in your life? Oooooh. TENSE ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS AUDIENCE SCREAMS Oh! (Boys laugh) Oh, my God! Everything's all right. We'll be right back after these messages. Why are you laughing?! He got hurt! A little shock - what do you care? A little shock?! I wish we taped that. I'd give my left nut to see that again. Aren't you excited? This is so thrilling. Wait until I show it to you. It's just perfect. It's what we've been looking for. I want to call it 'Shear Heaven'. (Laughs) Ohhhhh! And here we are! Along here I'm going to put a row of new mirrors. And back along here, well, I think... Eddie, come along. Back up here a whole row of new cosmetics. And all along this row here... (Sighs and laughs) Peg could sell cosmetics. Yeah, sure. And this is where we wash the hair. And here is where I stand when I greet the customers. But back here is what I really want to show you. (Sighs) Eddie? This is what I REALLY want to show you. This is the storeroom where we keep everything. What I need is a decision I need you to help me make. ELECTRICITY BUZZES Oh, honey, no! No, don't! That's dangerous. Now, you just sit right down there. I have some smocks. Would you like me to model them for you? Yes. SEDUCTIVE INTRODUCTION TO 'WITH THESE HANDS' PLAYS (Tom Jones sings) # Oooooooohhhhhh # With these hands I will cling to you # I'm yours forever and a day... # Now, this is my favourite... ..because it's yellow. And what it's for... ..is to catch those itchy little trinkles that fall down on your neck. (Laughs) And then there's this old purple one. You know, you just kind of drape around you like this. # With this heart... # I like that one. (Laughs) (Exhales slowly) Why, Eddie, you're trembling. So am I. I've been waiting for this moment for so long. # With these hands I'll provide for you # Should there be a stormy sea I'll turn the tide for you # And I'll never... # (Breathes heavily) # Oh, no, I'll never # I'll never let you # Ooooooohhhhhhhh! # (Screams) Edward! Edward, come back here - you can't do that! Velcro, sweetheart. It's velcro and it hangs on the dashboard. I've never seen it. Sorry I'm late. Hi, Edward. Sorry, dear, we had to order without you. Here you go. So, Edward, did you have a productive day? Mrs Monroe showed me where the salon's going to be. You could have a cosmetics counter. Oh, wouldn't that be great? Great. And then she took all her clothes off. I can't tell you how thrilled I am. I'm pleased as punch. This venture will teach you volumes. There's nothing like running your own business. I've never done it myself, but from what I gather it's the greatest satisfaction a man can have. So I guess the bank's going to be your next step, huh? The bank? Yeah - take out a loan, get yourself started. Nothing to worry about - with your talent and reputation it's going to be a snap. Yeah. MAN: No credit. No record of jobs you've held. No savings. No personal investments. No social security number - you may as well not even exist. There is no collateral. We already have a second on the house but don't the testimonials make a difference? Did you see? The Mayor's wife can't wait to become a client. We simply can't do it. Now, get yourself a social security card, establish credit and buy yourself a car. You have a decided advantage - you can get one of those handicapped placards and park where you like. I can't believe it. It's just an outrage - but don't you worry, this isn't the end of it. We'll get your money somehow. KIM: But that's breaking and entering! JIM: My parents have insurance. It'll cost them a little hassle. Dad will have a new and better everything. We can't. They'll pay cash for the stuff. I don't want to. You don't want a van where we can be alone, with a mattress? Why can't you just do it? My father locks the room. We need Edward to get in. Can't you take the key? The only thing he holds tighter is his dick. Razorblades would do anything for you. That's not true! Why don't you ask him? That's not fair. What IS fair? There isn't any other way! There's got to be. Look, I've racked my brain! Don't you want our own van? Well... yeah. Jim, the lights are on. No, no - those go automatically. They're gone for the weekend. That's right - in case of burglars. You turned off the alarm? Yes. Come on, let's go. I can't believe this. He doesn't know it's Jim's house? He's never been here. This person stole from you? Keep your voice down. I told you he stole it. Tell his parents. They'll make him give it back. I've tried that. You told Kim you'd do this. Let's go. Come on! Come on! Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on, come on, come on! Oh, my God, come on! EXCITING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS ELECTRONIC ALARM BLARES Must be wired separately! Come on! No! You can't just leave him here! Let's go! Let's go! How can you do this?! Come on! I'll carry you. Stop! Put me down! DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS Put me down. (Moves blades frantically) ALARM CONTINUES TO SHRIEK POLICE SIRENS APPROACH We know you're in there! We're in the process of deactivating the system so you can come out. ALARM STOPS BLARING Denny, turn around! No way. Jim, it's your house. They can't arrest you. We'll just tell them we freaked and ran! We're not going back! We HAVE to! My father would prosecute. His own son?! Especially his own son! If Edward tells, I'll kill him! Denny, turn around! No! TURN AROUND! We have to! NOOOOOOO! POLICEMAN: Put your hands high in the air where we can see them! Put your hands up! He's got something in his hands. Looks like knives. Drop your weapons! I repeat, DROP YOUR WEAPONS! I'm going to ask one more time. This is your last warning - drop your weapons. If you fail to do so, we'll open fire. Don't make us do that, buddy! Drop your weapons! Back off! NOW! Looks like we got a psycho. Prepare to fire! No, no! He can't drop his hands! Those aren't weapons! Those are his hands! Please, we know him. All right, cuff him. Can we see him now? Yes. We're holding him overnight for observation. All night? Pick him up tomorrow. Oh, dear. Oh, Edward! Hello, Edward! Oh, Edward, dear - I blame myself. What in God's name was going through your mind, son? It's my bad example. You saw how I envied Jim's parents their money. What would you do with that stuff? I blithely say, "Oh, we'll get money for the salon somehow." But I never meant stealing. Stealing is not the way to get it. Stealing's not the way to get anything. No... except trouble, and you're in a heap of that. Edward, why ever did you do this? Damn those TV programmes! Damn them all to hell! Or did somebody put you up to this? Will he be OK, Doc? The years spent in isolation have not equipped him to judge right from wrong. He's had no context. He's been completely without guidance. Furthermore, his work - the garden sculptures, hairstyles and so forth - indicate that he's a highly imaginative, ah... ..character. It's clear that his awareness of what we call reality is radically underdeveloped. But will he be ALL RIGHT out there? Oh, yeah, he'll be fine. Listen, it could keep me up all night worrying about you. You watch yourself, you hear? I just heard this noise and ran out. All along I felt in my gut there was something wrong with him. It could have been my house. It could've been any of our houses but... I warned you, didn't I? I saw the sign of Satan on him. You didn't heed my warning, but now you will, because you can see it too. Edward, you stay right here now. What do you say in your defence? No, he doesn't want to talk. He must say something. He can't right now. No comments? No remarks? No! So... were you set up? What was going through your mind? What do you say for yourself? One comment! We'll talk to you... Wait. ..LATER! Just one comment! Oh, Lois, it looks like I'll see you at our Christmas party before you get your haircut here. Of course we'll have it this year. Why wouldn't we? LOIS: I thought after the arrest you might feel embarrassed. You may think that, but you're wrong. You're here. They didn't hurt you, did they? Were you scared? I tried to make Jim go back, but you can't make Jim do anything. Thank you for not telling them that we... You're welcome. It must have been awful when they told you whose house it was. I knew it was Jim's house. You did? Yes. Well, then why did you do it? Because you asked me to. Oh. JIM: Kimba! Kimmy! (Whistles) Hey! Don't. What's the matter with you? When will you stop? Dad thinks he's retarded, or he'd still be in jail. What more can I do? You could tell the truth. So could you. It wasn't my idea. You know I didn't want to. But you did. I don't get why you give a shit anyway? PIECES OF GLASS SMASH INTENSE BROODING MUSIC BLADES SCREECH We'll find a way for you to replace the drapes and towels but our confidence in you won't be so easy to replace. KIM: Dad! OK, a little ethics. You're walking down the street, find a suitcase full of money. There is nobody around - no human person is in evidence. What do you do? 'A' - you keep the money. 'B' - you use it to buy gifts for your friends and loved ones. 'C' - you give it to the poor. 'D' - you turn it into the police. Oh, Dad, this is really stupid. Kim! I'd keep the money. Simmer down. Edward? How about after dinner we go to the bowling alley? That'd be fun. You're not seeing Jim tonight? No. We had the coolest show-and-tell today. This kid brought in a box of 10 baby possums - totally naked, no hair at all. This is fascinating, but I don't think your father's finished yet. Thank you, dear. Edward, we're waiting. Give it to my loved ones? Oh, Edward, it does SEEM that that's what you should do but it's not. You dope. Everybody knows you're supposed to give it to the police. Good thinking, Kevin. Well, think about it, you guys! That's the nicer thing to do - that's what I would do. We're not trying to confuse him more but make things easier, so let's cut the comedy, all right? I'm serious - it's a much nicer thing to do. We're not talking nice, but right and wrong. (Snickers) Shut up! Oh, goodness sake, no wonder poor Edward can't learn right from wrong - living in THIS family! Did you hear what he did to Peg's curtains? It's unbelievable they're having their Christmas party anyway. Are you going? I don't think so. He practically raped Joyce, you know? Threatening her with those knives - it's a miracle she escaped. I don't have anything against Peg, but... I know. They've got that teenage daughter in the house! Oh, those poor things - after what happened to me! Can you imagine? What did you say about the party? I said I hoped we'd make it. I lied too. ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS Edward, do you want to give me that new haircut? Again? Yeah, sure. It makes me proud having you as my personal hairdresser. Hi, honey! Hi. Kevin, you want to play 'Scissors, Paper, Stone'? No. Why? It's boring. I'm tired of always winning. Other people's feelings... I'll be outside. A few manners? Just never you mind, dearie. Just you cut away. Cut away! (Snips blades) (Father sings) # I saw three ships come sailing by # On Christmas day, on Christmas day # I saw three ships come sailing by # On Christmas day in the morning! (Distantly sings) # And what do you think they... # PEACEFUL MUSIC PLAYS (Hums softly) It needs something... else. What do you think, honey? More bells? More bells. OK. Do you really think we should have this party? Of course we should be having this party. It's just what we need to calm things down and everything will just go back to normal. Hmm? Do you have any more bells, honey? MAGICAL MUSIC PLAYS ANGELIC CHOIR SINGS BLADES SNIP DISTANTLY MAGICAL, ANGELIC MUSIC CONTINUES HEY! BLADE WHOOSHES (Cries out) Now you've done it. It's just a scratch. Jim, really, it's OK. You touch her again, I'll kill you. It's just a scratch! He skewered Kim. No, he hasn't! Stay away from her! You can't touch anything without destroying it. Why do you hang around here, anyway? You just sit right down and wait for me to bring you some ice. Stay right there. I'll be right back. (Sings) # On Christmas day in the morning! # Get the hell out of here! Get the hell OUT! NOW GO, FREAK! (Yells) Hey, Edward! Where are you going? SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYS Where is he? He tried to hurt you. He didn't and you know it! Are you nuts?! I just saw him! Jim, I don't love you any more. I just want you to go. OK? Just go! Are you serious? I'm losing you to THAT?! He isn't human! Just get OUT of here! JUST GO! OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS Dad, did you see where Edward went? I don't know. He just waltzed down the street. We have to find him! Your father will find him. I'll take care of it. I'll go find him. (Whistles) DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS Edward! I'm calling the police! MORBID CHURCH PIECE WITH DRUM ACCOMPANIMENT PLAYS DRAMATIC SOUND EFFECTS BUILD (Screams) See? All that blood and it was just a little cut. DOORBELL RINGS Oh! Hello, Mrs Boggs. I'm here to see the man with the hands. Oh... ah... He's not here. Thank you. Oh, dear. DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS MARGE: Helen! Helen! Did you actually see him? (Women talk excitedly over one another) I'm looking for the man with the scissors. Thank God you're here! Over there. Why don't you do something? All right, calm down. Go home. We'll handle it. Just go home. He's... he's... a de... a demon! You've gotta catch him! You've gotta do something! ALL TALK DRAMATIC MUSIC BUILDS I'm sure your father will find him soon. What time is it? It's almost 8:30. Great party, huh? Where are they? (Sighs) God, I hope he's OK. So do I, honey. MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYS You know, when I brought Edward down here to live with us... ..I really didn't think things through. And I didn't think about what could happen to him... ..or to us or to the neighbourhood. And now I think that maybe... ..it might be best if he goes... ..back up there... ..because at least there he's safe. And we'll just... go back to normal. I got halfway to the Whitmans. I didn't see him anywhere. Oh, dear! Let's get in the car and look for him. Where's Kevin? At Max's. Oh, for Godsakes! Where do you think you're going? With you! NO! You're staying here in case somebody comes. We'll be right back. MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYS DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS Police! Edward. Are you OK? Yes. Are you OK? Where is everybody? Out looking for you. Hold me. I can't. SENTIMENTAL STRINGS BUILD THE INVENTOR: I know it's a little early for Christmas, Edward, but, uh... ..I have a present for you. WONDROUS MUSIC PLAYS DARK MUSIC BUILDS Forget holding her hand. Picture the damage he could do other places! (Laughs) Yeah. That's sick. I feel like I'm gonna pass out or puke or something. Later. First, take me to her house. Come on, Jim. Don't make me drive. Just do it! Jesus! Maybe she WAS right about you. JUST DRIVE! Relax. See you tomorrow. Call me. All right. DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS Have they caught him yet? Who? HIM! That... that cripple. Well... let me know when they do. Let us all know, OK? Like a good boy? TYRES SQUEAL DRAMATIC MUSIC BUILDS Kevin! Aaaagh! Are you OK?!! I'm all right. OW!! Oh! Ow! Ow! Ow! Edward! I'm your friend. Stop! HELEN: No! Stop! Get off me now. Somebody help us! Help! What are you doing? Get away from him! Aaaagh! (People talk excitedly) WOMAN: Somebody call the police! Hey! Let go of me! What?! Kevin! HEY!! Get off of him! (People talk excitedly) Get away! Edward! Come home! Come home! DRAMATIC MUSIC BUILDS (Screams) (All scream and yell) Jim, stop it! Get off! Aaaaaaagh! (All gasp) SIRENS WAIL Run. (All talk excitedly) DRAMATIC MUSIC BUILDS Kevin's all right. It was just the tiniest scratch! He's gone. Let's not bother him, all right? Let's just leave him alone. (All talk excitedly) VOLLEY OF GUNFIRE Go on, run. (All talk excitedly) What happened? Is he dead? Did you get him? It's all over. Go home. There's nothing more to see. What happened out there? I don't wanna go home! I want some answers! It is ALL over. (All talk) Get back here! I want answers! Look at that! (All talk) They don't have him! What'll we do? I'm going. That's not a good idea! (All talk) DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS They're coming? Did I hurt Kevin? No! He's OK. Mostly he was just scared. Edward, I was so afraid. I thought you were dead. I didn't. DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS NO! NO!! Jim, stop!! NO! NO! Stop it or I'll kill you myself. BULLSHIT!! Aaaagh! Hey! I said stay away from her! (Retracts blade) MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYS (Voices of people approaching) (All talk excitedly) Goodbye. I love you. EMOTIONAL STRINGS PLAY (All talk) Aaaaagh! Oh! My God! MAN: Is he in there? He's dead. The roof caved in on him. They killed each other. You can see for yourselves. See? I'm going home. Joyce. MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYS She never saw him again. Not after that night. How do you know? Because I was there. You could've gone up there. You still could go. No, sweetheart. I'm an old woman now. I would rather him remember me the way I was. EMOTIVE CHORAL MUSIC BUILDS How do you know he's still alive? I... don't know. Not for sure. But... I believe he is. EMOTIVE CHORAL MUSIC PLAYS You see, before he came down here it never snowed. And afterwards, it did. If he weren't up there now, I don't think it would be snowing. Sometimes you can still catch me dancing in it. TRIUMPHANT STRINGS PLAY