TRISH: Can't have a baby in prison with you. I will let them put your daughter into state care. I'm never gonna end up in that position. If you can find a man who can give you the baby you want, I'm cool with that. I'll give you a baby. (MOANING, GRUNTING) There is no grounds for this trial to proceed. You have no choice but to let this man go free! (CHEERING) I like Helena. She's gonna be beautiful. Grandma Rita. (BOTH LAUGH) Copyright Able 2018 (LAUGHTER) Looks like you put on the Chewbacca outfit just on your arms. (LAUGHTER) (BLOWS) (CHEERING) Westside ` brought to you by The Rock. (FAST ROCK MUSIC) # I'll wait up for my baby. Hey, Fatty Boomsticks! # She won't be comin' home # tonight. # But she's all right. # (ROCK MUSIC ENDS) (INDISTINCT VOICES ON TV) WOMAN: Sometimes, the untrained eye can see things the artist can't. So,... what are we doing on Saturday? TED: Saturday? What about it? RITA: Is it a special occasion or something? Um, only if you consider Christmas Day a special occasion. (LAUGHTER) Yeah, we don't. You don't what? Consider Christmas a special occasion. What kind of family doesn't do Christmas? Maybe the kind that had a bad experience on or around Christmas and doesn't wanna be reminded of that experience. The Smith & Caughey's job. Christmas Eve 1970. Don't wanna talk about it. (BLUESY ELECTRIC GUITAR MUSIC) (TYRES SCREECH) I was just a kid, but I realised then that Christmas sucks. (CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYS) Dad won't be home. Not for a while. So we don't do it any more. Not at all? Because a robbery went tits-up? That makes no sense. Does to us, love. So we don't do any of it ` the Christmas shit. The tree, the decorations, the stupid bloody hats. Don't try and logic with our superstitions. They just are what they are. Three years inside. Job that went so inexplicably wrong. It was the universe saying, 'Just stay inside, shut the doors and let the silly season pass you by.' It's just the way we do things, bub. (LAUGHTER) Yeah, we did Christmas once. Dad threw a bourbon glass at Mum. Anne Marie threatened to cut herself. I found out that Christmas crackers weren't actual crackers. Oh, but then I set the Christmas tree on fire. We go to church services for the birth of Jesus Christ. And do carols and that? And we give them all our money, and then we go home and feel hungry. Nah, nah, not me. Santa Claus is a bastard, just like the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. They're just a pack of arseholes. Oh, they visited all the other kids, but not me. QUIETLY: Shit. I asked the fat, red motherfucker in Henderson Square once. 'What's the deal bypassing my fuckin' house?' Then the prick called the cops, and Mum gave me a hiding for causing a scene. (CHUCKLES) FALANI: Well, that is a very sad sob story you have there, Eric. Well, Christmas is for other people. It's not for the likes of us. Nah. Nah, that's bullshit. We live in a crappy world which could be blown up by nuclear bomb any second, and Christmas is a chance to just... have fun, for one day ` celebrate what's good. These guys never got to do Christmas as kids. Maybe that's why they're... the way they are today. (SCOFFS) And... if you don't wanna do it here, the boys can all come to lunch at Mum's. You're bluffing. If Mum's house is where the turkey is, then Mum's house is where we're going. Come on, Rita. I wanna try this turkey thing. SPARKY: I want Santa Claus to come down the chimney. Well, that isn't gonna happen, because he's just a man who works in a shopping centre. And a turkey's just a fat fuckin' chicken. (CHUCKLES) (BLUESY GUITAR MUSIC) But... Fine. You want Christmas, have it here. But it's got nothing to do with me. Ace. I've got it all under control. Right, first thing ` We need a Christmas Tree. Not a shitty, fake tinsel one. We want a great, big, green pine tree. So, Theresa's got this client, right? Total prick. He works for ACC. Yeah. Bloody Muldoon arse-licking government department bloody crooks. The point is, the other thing he told her was... Every Christmas, him and his fuckwit mates get a big fat bonus. Cash money, handed out the morning after their annual Christmas party. 97 staff members ` last year, they got $100 each. That's almost 10 grand sitting in a safe in their office the night they're out getting pissed at our expense. Sounds like a bit of us. Nice little bonus. Hold on. Aren't we all forgetting something? It's Christmas. But it's government department ` bloody crooks, bloody bastards. And the party's the day after tomorrow. 10 grand, Ted. Well, actually, it's $9700. (CHUCKLES) I was rounding it up, Phin. Look, I said bloody no! Oh, come on, Ted. Yeah, come on Ted. It's ancient history. Yeah. And why should those ACC rip-off artists get a bonus? Yes, sticking it to the man, Ted. Too right. Think of it as a good deed. If anyone deserves some Christmas bad luck, it's Muldoon's arse-lickers. BERT: Agree. (BROODING MUSIC) Oh, fuck it. Yes. (ROCK MUSIC) (WHOOSH!) OUTSIDE: Here! A little bit closer, boys! A little bit! (VOICES CONTINUE INDISTINCTLY) (INTRIGUING ROCK MUSIC) (LAUGHS) (LAUGHTER) Little bit closer. There we go! (LAUGHS) Whoo-hoo! Here we go. One tree as requested. You boys are taking the piss. SPARKY: We need lights for it. You need to move it is what you need to do. Yeah, nah. It was a bastard getting it here, to be honest. FALANI: Yeah, and then we realised it won't fit inside the house. No kidding! Yeah, so it kind of is where it is. Sorry. And how are we meant to come and go with this great bloody thing in the way? I think it's wicked right where it is. - Well, I think it's bullshit. - (DOGS BARK) What's the matter? Haven't you seen a bloody tree before? We're just about to decorate our Christmas tree. You wanna help? Uh, we're fine, thanks. Season's greetings and all that. Don't bloody talk to them, Brian. Un-fuckin'-believable. (CHUCKLES) - (PHONE RINGS) - Come on, up. Get up. Stop being so lazy. O'Driscoll residence. This is Carol. Yeah, hey, it's me, Bert. Come on. Stop being so useless! Um, yes, I've got time to answer a survey. I wanna see ya. Uh, oh, no, we don't buy that sort of porridge. Carol, I mean it. I meant what I said. I can help you. Ugh. Come on, Barry. Or that kind. We don't really buy porridge at all. Listen, I know a good time for us to talk. That's all ` just... talk. So don't plan anything tomorrow evening, OK? (BARRY BARKS) Yes. OK. We might be interested in trying that brand. (BARRY BARKS) (KNOCK AT DOOR) (INTRIGUING MUSIC) Hello, Mrs West. Goldilocks. Mr West. Gidday. Hi, guys. Hi. Hi. Is my sister here? Cheryl! (GASPS) Look at you. Jeanette. Soon to be Aunty Jeanette. (INTRIGUING MUSIC CONTINUES) If you're lucky, she might give you a kick. It's a girl? Unless it's got a really tiny wanger. Which is highly unlikely in this family. (CHUCKLES) Ooh. Whoa. I felt it. Yeah, right under your hand. Oh, that is so trippy. (CHUCKLES) Hey, can we have a word? Like, in private? Sure. (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) Mum's really upset ` about you not coming over for Christmas lunch. (SIGHS) Yeah, well, she shouldn't have done what she did. Blood's thicker than water, Cheryl. Is that why she threatened to have my baby taken away and stuck in foster care? She's worried about you. And it. Her. Well, we're both just fine. Except you know just as well as I do that you can't trust Wolfgang West as far as you can throw him. (ENGINE REVS, RUMBLES) Look, just think about this. Dad's away, and you're here, which means it's just gonna be Mandy and Mum and me. It's like our family's been broken in half. She knows where I am if she wants to say sorry. Hello, Jeanette. Hey, Wolf. Congratulations. Ta. Anyway, there'll be a place set for you at the table. Set one for Wolf too, and maybe I'll think about it. I'll tell her. (MELANCHOLIC GUITAR MUSIC) TED ON PHONE: Right, so that's it? You ok? OK. Bert's pulled out of the bloody job. Says he's got a bloody tangi. Who died? See, this is why we don't do jobs at Christmas time. Everything turns to shit. Just get another driver. I'll do it. Will ya? Sure. Uh, hold on. Wolf, you've only just got out. Yeah, on remand, so strictly speaking, I wasn't really in. And it's just driving, being a lookout ` that's all. Right? Yeah, he'll be fine. Easy. Plus, we can really use the cash right now. What about the bad luck thing? I thought you didn't believe in all that nonsense. No, look, Lefty's right. It's an easy job. In and out. Piece of piss and season's greetings. Yeah, and you'll be busy getting ready for your Christmas Day carry-on anyway. You're in, son. (INTRIGUING MUSIC) Cheryl. Hey. Eric. You need a hand? Uh, well, you can carry some of the bags, but you can't look inside, all right? How come? Because then it'll ruin the surprise, ya` Hey! You'll ruin the surprise. You got me a present? Just something small. Aw. Fuck, that's lovely, Cheryl. Well, I didn't get` I didn't get you anything. I don't need anything. Yeah, but I figure if you got me something` No, no. Eric, I'm gonna make it a rule. No one buys me anything. I like giving presents, not getting them. (FESTIVE MUSIC) (INSTRUMENTAL 'JINGLE BELLS') (GRUNTS) From Santa. What do ya think? No one else has bought any presents. - She doesn't care. - (DOOR CLOSES) She says it's the giving that she likes. That's right. Whatever rocks your socks. Right. I'm off. Ted. It'll be fine. Wolf! I promise ` this is not gonna be another Smith and Caughey's job. (BROODING MUSIC) See ya. You be careful, OK? All right, Slutty Pants. That'll do. They need to go. See ya. Bye, love. ERIC: See ya later, dickhead. (BROODING MUSIC CONTINUES) Hey, Rita. Do you mind if I nip down to storage, pick something out for Cheryl? Why? Well, she said that she doesn't want a gift, but... I just thought it'd be a nice gesture. As long as you pay for it. Well, what if I'm the one that stole it? Yeah, OK. I'll leave some cash and call ya. (REGGAE MUSIC PLAYS ON STEREO) (CLEARS THROAT) (CLEARS THROAT) I was very drunk the other night. I wasn't. I'm not now. Well, actually, I did have a little Baileys because I was... ...nervous about telling you that it's a silly idea ` getting one of my husband's friends to get me pregnant. (CHUCKLES) Well, yeah. Pretty silly idea to try and get Bilkey to get you pregnant. I suppose. And I'm not just your husband's friend. I'm your friend too, aren't I? Well, yeah. And as a friend, I'd like to see you happy. That's so nice of you to say. Yeah, it can be a one-time-only thing. And if you get a kid out of it, then, uh, Merry Christmas. And if you don't, then, yeah, it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes I think this whole thing isn't meant to be. I mean maybe I'm just destined to be a.. a trolley dolly and a wife and a dog owner. Nah, I don't believe that at all. I reckon you'll be the best mother ever. (CHUCKLES LIGHTLY) Even better than Mary. Who's Mary? Oh, you know, from the Christmas story. Oh. (CHUCKLES) (UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC) SodaStream? Awesome present. Make your own rocket fuel. What about this? Nah, that is from the neighbours'. Rita doesn't want to see anything from that house. She won't know. Then Cheryl can make her own movies. Who would've thought that ordinary people could make their own movies? Record precious memories, like the baby's first steps. That's the one. Do something funny. Is there a tape in it? You need a tape. Yeah, there's already one in here. Eric. What if this tape contains someone's precious memories? We'll soon find out. It's going! This is why ordinary people shouldn't make movies. (KNOCKING ON VIDEO) Come in. It certainly is no 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'. Hello. I've just moved in next door and it seems I've run out of sugar. That's no good. It also appears you forgot to put your clothes on. Silly me. But it is very, very hot in here. In fact, I might have to take this off as well. That would make sense, given it is so hot in here. Quiet! Sorry. I said, quiet! (EXHALES SOFTLY, GULPS) Now, we don't want you peeping like those perverts from down the road. Dearie me. Get on all fours. Quickly. I'm sorry I don't have any sugar. What do you mean you don't have any sugar? It is a very, very important part of... # All I wanna do is... # Pleasing you and say yes. # Oh, tell me, how can I resist her? # Looks pretty dead. (LOW, TENSE MUSIC) Be right back. In, out. Bob's your uncle. Yeah, don't tempt fate, Lefty. Can we just get on with it? Right-o. (TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES) Seems like a lot of effort for just one day. Sparky. You can go to the butcher's for me tomorrow, yeah? Yeah, if I can have another feel of the alien. All right. Come on, then. Not much happening at the moment, though. She's been a bit quiet all day. Sleeping. Yeah, well, I've been busy running around, so I've probably rocked her to sleep in there. I'd like to be rocked to sleep in a womb. Sparky, don't be weird, love. All right. Should I be worried, if I haven't felt the baby move in a while? How long's a while? Well, now that I think about it... I slept all night without waking. Usually I have to get up at least twice cause she's dancing on my bladder. Um, well, if you're worried, we could always go into National Women's and check it out. Really? If you want. Well, maybe I should. Just peace of mind. OK. Sparky, you can finish this. We won't be long. It's just peace of mind, like you say. (ROCK MUSIC) Hey. (CHUCKLES) Hello. Hello. Hey. They say language is the gateway to culture. And I have the key. Can I interest you in the big Kiwi breakfast? (PHONE TRANSLATES INTO SWEDISH) (SPEAKS SWEDISH) PHONE TRANSLATOR: Kiwis are endangered, no? (SPEAKS SWEDISH) PHONE TRANSLATOR: I could try a little one. # Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh. # (INTRIGUING MUSIC) Your bird couldn't have got the guy to tell her where they keep the bloody safe. Because that wouldn't be obvious at all, would it (?) While they're banging, she's casually asking where the office safe is? Hey! In here. (LOW, INTRIGUING MUSIC) Bingo. Cheap bloody government-issue piece of crap. Not a problem. (BABY CRIES DISTANTLY, EASY-LISTENING MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY) Get that magazine off your sister. Why? Because magazines in hospitals have germs. Everything does. Hurry up, Kasey! I'll go ask how much longer, eh? You don't have to stay, Rita. We could be here for ages. I've been here for over two hours. They're understaffed. Everyone's on bloody holiday. It's quite selfish when you think about. It's not like babies know that it's a public holiday. Kasey! Put that down. You don't know where that's been! Honestly, I don't mind waiting by myself. The boys are out, and Carol never turned up for our gin. I'd only be sitting in an empty house anyway. (GRUNTS) (INTRIGUING MUSIC) READS: You don't have to be 'made' to work here, but it helps. No, it's mad. Oh yeah. But that doesn't make sense. They're not going to force you to work here if you're mad, but they should? It's 'You don't have to be mad to work here, but it helps.' Would you two shut the hell up? Thought you said it was easy. Well, sometimes cheap crap is so cheap and crappy that it makes it hard. I don't get it. It's like a joke. It's like they're saying` I said shut up! What'd I say about doing jobs at Christmas time? I bloody knew it. Cheryl Miller? Yep. (CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYS) Your mum can come too. Come on. Please. (EERIE MUSIC) (DISTANT WHOOPING, CHEERING) (CHEERING, SHOUTING GROWS LOUDER) Fuck. (DISTANT WHOOPING, CHEERING) (INTRIGUING MUSIC) There she is. Merry Christmas, boys. OK. Let's get the fuck out of here. Can anyone hear that? (CHEERING, SHOUTING GROWS LOUDER) We have a very big problem. Oh, shit. (CROWD YELLS, CHEERS, TOOTS PARTY HORNS) (MUSIC STARTS PLAYING, WOMAN WHOOPS) (MUSIC, CHEERING CONTINUES DISTANTLY) How many? 20, 30, I don't know. They were still streaming in when I made myself scarce. What the fuck are they doing here? Having a party by the looks of it. Who has a party at the place where they work? Cheap government bastards. Why can't they go to a night club like normal people? No one would let them in. They're all fuckwits. And you last felt something...? I dunno. Yesterday, when my sister was over. OK. What we'll do is we'll get a foetal doppler so we can listen to bub's heartbeat. OK. Sometimes babies go a little bit quiet while they're getting ready to come out into the world. Really? Might be a Christmas Day baby. (CHEERING, MUSIC PLAYS DISTANTLY) OK, let's not panic. They're government workers. How hard can they actually party? Exactly. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS, PEOPLE YELL) Come on, Nigel. But you've got a fiance. I won't tell if you won't. Mmm. Mmm. (KISSING) Oh yeah. Vicky. (BELT RATTLES) (ZIPPER UNZIPS, RATTLING, PANTING) (LOW GURGLING) (SOFT HEARTBEAT) There we go. No, that's Cheryl again. Baby's is a lot faster. (LOW GURGLING CONTINUES) Look, she might just be hiding. Sometimes the placenta's at the front of the tummy, and if she's behind it... I'll just go get the on-call radiographer so we can do a quick scan. (MUSIC PLAYS, INDISTINCT YELLING, CHATTER) WOMAN: Whoo! He's here. (LAUGHS EXCITEDLY) Vicky did hire a stripper! (WHOOPS) (MEN BOO) (SHRIEKS) Hey, come on, you guys got one last year. This year it's our turn! (WHOOPS) (WOMEN CHEER) Hey,... who's here to party? (WOMEN CHEER) (UNEASY MUSIC) What is it? Excuse me a second, doll. I'm just gonna get the doctor. Why? I'll be right back. Tell us. Rita, it's OK. If there's something wrong, you have to tell us. I'm not allowed. I need to get the doctor. (UNEASY MUSIC CONTINUES) (GROOVY MUSIC PLAYS, INDISTINCT CHATTER) (MAN GRUNTS, WOMAN MOANS) Fuck yeah, Nigel. (MOANS) Take me! Say my name, Nigel. (MOANS) Vicky. Yeah! Vicky! Oh! Hey, Vicky. Big boy. Get it, Nigel. Vick` Yeah, Nigel. Oh my God. (GRUNTS, PANTS) She's getting a rogering from Nigel! (CROWD EXCLAIMS) Ugh. Don't tell my wife! Vicky, the stripper is here, and he is a spunk and a half. A man stripper? Yeah. (YELPS EXCITEDLY) A stripper. Come on! (WOMEN WHOOP) Get it off! Oh no. I, uh` I forgot my cassette tape that has all my music on it. Hold on, hold on. (MUSIC STOPS) (CHEAP TRICK'S 'I WANT YOU TO WANT ME' PLAYS) Here we go! Whoo! I think you could say we have a distraction. # I need you to need me. # I'd love you to love me. (PHONE RINGS) # I want you to want me. # I need you to need me. # I'd love you to love me. # I'll shine up my old brown shoes. # I'll put on a brand new shirt. # I'll get home early from work # if you say that you love me. What the hell was that? # Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you crying? # Feeling all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dying. # Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you crying? # I want you to want me. # I need you to need me. # I'd love you to love me. # I'm begging you to beg me. # I'll shine up my old brown shoes. # Put on a brand new shirt. # I'll get home early from work... (MUSIC DISTORTS) # ...if you say that you love me. # (LOW, SOLEMN MUSIC) (CHUCKLING) Oh my God. Oh, there he is. (LIGHT APPLAUSE) Yeah, not what I would have done, but lovely jubbly, Wolfy boy. Sorry, what was that about the Christmas curse? (STARTS ENGINE, REVS) (DOOR OPENS) OK. Come on, bubba. Wait. No. No! That's my` That's my baby! Give her back! SOBS: Give her back. (CRIES) (ROCK MUSIC) WOMAN ON TV: Quiet! He doesn't sound as if he's enjoying that. He sounds frightened. He doesn't deserve her. She's too good for him. Well, look at her. (EXHALES) WOMAN: Quickly! Quicker than that. The woman's a goddess. The woman's terrifying. MAN ON TV: Sorry, I don't have any sugar. What do you mean you don't have any sugar? (DOOR OPENS) It's a very, very important part of... (CLATTERING, LAUGHTER) All right. Let's see what kind of bonuses these bastards think they're getting this year. What the fuck? Jesus fucking Christ. Looks like the ACC weren't feeling very generous this year. This is Cobb & Co. the restaurant, right? See? This is exactly why we don't do jobs at bastardy, bollocking, fucking Christmas! Wanker civil servants talking themselves up. Cash bonuses, my arse. Don't worry. There's, what, $18 worth of petty cash here. That's $4.50 each. Yeah, and all the shrimp cocktails you can eat. Wolf got some cash for getting his gear off. We should split that. No way, I earned this. I'm not touching any money that's been touching his nads. At least I have the right number of nads. Oi! Respect your elders, sonny jim. Why should he, when his elders do a job for this? I do like the little yellow crunchy things they do. (PHONE RINGS) Hello. West Home for the Down and Out. Is Wolf with you? What, where are you? I thought you were in bed. I need to talk to Wolf. I guess we'll just divide the dinner vouchers up. Hey, Wolf. It's your mum. LEFTY: Great (!) I'll take the girls for a traffic light. Oh, wait, I can't, because my bitch ex-wife stole them and took them to Australia. You ain't getting any, Lefty, on account of this being your stuff up! Hey. I don't see anybody else bringing any jobs to the table. Yeah, because we don't do jobs at Christmas time. We should've stuck to that. Everything all right? (SOMBRE MUSIC) (PANTS) If there's anything I can do to help... She doesn't want to come. OK. Cheryl. This is your chance to say goodbye. I never had a chance to say hello. I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to do. Well, fuck off, then. Come on, let's go. Hey, love. Is this... Having a funeral for someone who never even got the chance to live in the first place... Doesn't matter. She was a West. She would've been. And Wests don't let one of our own depart this world without a crowd there waving goodbye. I'm glad you came. I still think it's a bit over the top. But I'm here for Cheryl. She didn't want to come. Oh. So, this, um, performance, this pretend funeral, isn't for Cheryl at all. It's all for you, attention for you. Actually, it's for that little baby girl. Yeah, well, Cheryl is my baby girl. And she should be with her mother, not with you fucking people! (MELANCHOLY JAZZY MUSIC) # When I look up from my pillow, # I dream you are there # with me. # Though you are far away, # I know you'll always be # near... # to me. # I go to sleep, # sleep. # And imagine that you're there with me. # I go to sleep, sleep. # And imagine that you're there with me. # I look around me and feel you are ever so close # to me. # Each tear that flows from my eye brings back memories of you # to me. # I go to sleep, sleep. # And imagine that you're there with me. Ah! Oh. Hi. Hi. You going somewhere? Get some smokes. You could ask Rita for some. (ELECTRICITY SPARKS) Argh! (CHUCKLES) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) (LOW, UNSETTLING MUSIC) Hey. Any idea where Cheryl is? Uh, she went to get some smokes. What, for Mum? No, for herself. Nah, she hates smoking. Not any more. (CHILDREN CHATTER, LAUGH DISTANTLY) (MOODY MUSIC) (BELL AT DOOR DINGS) (MOODY MUSIC CONTINUES) Oh my God. Hi. You smoke now? Why the fuck not? Because you always said... smoking kills. I did, didn't I? Oh, you poor thing. (SNIFFLES) (CRIES) TEARFULLY: I could already see her, you know. (SOBS) Not just a baby. A little girl. (CRIES) Her first day at school and just random stuff. (SIGHS) Me brushing her hair and... reading her a book. CRIES: I was already a mum. And now, I'm just... (SNIFFLES, CRIES) I don't get why. Did I` Did I do something? Did I eat something bad? Or not rest enough, or... (SOBS) What did I do, you know? Oh, honey. CRIES: I don't know what I did. Honey... Honey. You already know the answer to that. (BREATHES SHAKILY) You deserved it. Wolf. You took him from me ` from your own sister. Maybe you thought that was OK, but God doesn't let betrayal go unpunished. (STAMMERS) I'm sorry, but... (SNIFFLES) what are you saying? (BREATHES SHAKILY) You reap what you sow, Cheryl. (CHUCKLES DARKLY) You must know that. You didn't honestly think God was going to let you` (YELPS) (GRUNTS) You fucking savage! I'll kill you! (GRUNTS) Mum! Argh! Mum! (CLATTERING) You're fucking crazy! Mum! (GRUNTING) (GASPS) Let God punish me for this, you bitch. (GASPING) Oh my God. Cheryl, get off her! Fuck off! (YELPS) She's choking her! Get off her! Cheryl! (GASPS FOR BREATH, CHOKES) Cheryl! YELLS: You fucking bitch! Let her go. Cheryl! (JEANETTE COUGHS) This is all your fault, you bastard! (SOBS) (ROCK MUSIC) WHISPERS: I didn't know we had to get dressed up. WHISPERS: We're not going to bed, Ron. We're going out. (ROLLER DOOR RATTLES) (INTRIGUING MUSIC) (IGNITION CLICKS, CAR WHIRRS) (MAN SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE ON VIDEO) Hit it! (CAR POWERS UP) (EXCLAIMS EXCITEDLY) (WHOOPS) # Lazy days... # (MEN LAUGH) Can I come?! Yeah, mate. (SCREAMING) Yes, yes. I don't feel well. BOTH: What?! (TYRES SCREECH) (WOMEN LAUGH) There you go. (BOTH LAUGH) (ENGINE REVS) What have you got under the hood, bro? You wouldn't believe me. (TYRES SCREECH, MEN EXCLAIM, CAR WHIRRS) (BOTH LAUGH) (CLICKING) WHISPERS: See you tomorrow. WHISPERS: It is tomorrow. Where are you gonna go? I dunno. Don't let them drive you away, love. We just need to... Cheryl needs... (SIGHS) Here. Take my van, OK. Long as you need. Thanks. (SOMBRE AMBIENT MUSIC) I feel stink now. Lying about a tangi. Maybe I tempted fate. I don't know whose fault this is, but it's not yours, Bert. (CAR APPROACHES) Looking glamorous, Rita. Oh, Jesus Christ, no. Oh, lovely to see you too. What the fuck are you doing here, Ngaire? My own home appears to have been taken over by Russian women. Where's Mister Pork? I've left him. The girls and I need somewhere to stay. Now is really not a good time, Ngaire, especially not in your fucking condition. I think you'll change your mind about that. Brought you some Christmas cheer. God, what happened here? Did somebody die? Please tell me it was Lefty. Hello, dear. Oh, and I see you're still hanging in there. Impressive. A little piglet, eh? Oh my God. Ngaire. I don't mean to be rude, love, but why the fuck would you bring her into this house, today, looking like that? Ngaire, just say whatever the fuck it is you want to say. Chelsea, give me a hand darling. This is amazing. I believe... this belongs to you lot. Holy shit. Fuck me. The money. From McCarthy. I had no idea he'd taken it. When he came back, after Wolf got off the charges, that's when he told me. And so, what, he gave it to you? Not willingly. I wanted a good man. And when he showed me this... In that moment, I lost all respect for him. And... no one steals from my friends. So there you go. That's half of it, I think. We spent the rest. Merry Christmas. Now, is there any room at the Inn? (FIREWORKS POP) # Joy to the world, # the Lord is come. # Let earth receive her king. (GRUNTING ON TV) # Let every heart # prepare Him room. # And Heaven and nature sing. # And Heaven and nature sing. # And Heaven and nature sing. # And Heaven and nature sing. # And Heaven and nature sing. # Joy to the world, # the Saviour reigns. # Let men their songs employ. # (SIGHS) Why else would she turn up? Why else would she give us the money? Mate, I wouldn't touch Ngaire with a barge pole. Not where she's been. Ha! (CHUCKLES) (WHIRRING FROM OUTSIDE) (CHAINSAW REVS, RITA GRUNTS) Oi, love. Love! (CHAINSAW CONTINUES WHIRRING) (CHAINSAW CONTINUES WHIRRING) Excuse me! It is Christmas Day. (GRUNTS) Good morning. Hey. (CHAINSAW CONTINUES WHIRRING, RITA GROANS) Oi, what's the story, love? We were right, Ted. Christmas is for other fucking people. (GRUNTS) (WAVES LAP, SEAGULLS CRY) (PEACEFUL MUSIC) (SEAGULLS CRY) Morning. (PEACEFUL MUSIC BRIGHTENS) You want to stay here for a bit? Yeah. (MUSIC CONTINUES) For the future of our working relationship, they need to go. If you like it here, you will tell your wife how you fuck prostitutes. (CHUCKLES) We work great together. Hi. Hello there. We got chemistry. Hey! (TYRES SCREECH) (GUN COCKS)