If you met him, there'd be no mystery. Shame things didn't work with Richard. How was your weekend? How was your weekend? My friend got beaten up. I'm proud to say I showed very good impulse control. I rooted Karyn from the hens' party. I slept with Karyn because I was made with Emma. I slept with Karyn because I was made with Emma. Jesus. I realised I love her. Emma, would you do the honour of being my wife? Emma, would you do the honour of being my wife? I can't keep going with loser guys. Adam's left me. TOBIAS CRIES I still love you. Biggest mistake of my life was letting you go. # The stars came out once the lights went out, and I could not speak, so I had to shout, # and then the moon passed sadly by. # PHONE RINGS Catherine Duvall. Catherine Duvall. Is that the sexy doctor? How can I help you? How can I help you? You busy? Not really. My last appointment didn't show. Great. Can you get down The Beagle early and nab the lucky table? I thought you were doing that. I thought you were doing that. I forgot. Had a conference call ` Spicer Hirsh. I should be enabling your dealings with evil drug barons? I know you've got principles, but two kids and a mortgage. Please? Will you show me your gratitude later? Will you show me your gratitude later? Happy to. As many times as you like. Leaving now. You're a peach. You're a peach. Oh, stop it. You're a peach. Oh, stop it. (CHUCKLES) Anyone less like a peach is hard to imagine. Tyler. I'd given up on you. Whatever I say is confidential, right? Whatever I say is confidential, right? Correct. So you can't tell Mum and Dad? Absolutely not. I think I'm pregnant. Right. Sorry, got held up. Sushi OK? Oh my God. No. No. Put that away while you're eating. No. Put that away while you're eating. Just a minute. Celeste, what's so important it can't wait five minutes? Celeste, what's so important it can't wait five minutes? Tyler Greegan's up the duff! How do you know that? How do you know that? She's friends with Bella's cousin, who tagged her. Oh for heaven's sake. Let me see that. Oh, that's horrible. Oh, that's horrible. She is such a slut. Celeste! Celeste! What? Everyone's saying it. This is private. It shouldn't be all over the internet. This is private. It shouldn't be all over the internet. But you'd have found out anyway. Why would I? Why would I? Because guess who the father is. Is that... Noah? Noah? Yeah. Everyone's saying it's his. Whoa! Whoa! Hey! Michelle? Michelle? Richard. Hi. That is some look. That is some look. It's all about aerodynamic flow. That is some look. It's all about aerodynamic flow. If you say so. How are you? How are you? I'm great. And you? Flat out. Just got back from China. Flat out. Just got back from China. How was it? Flat out. Just got back from China. How was it? I'd show you the snaps, but... there's nowhere to put my phone in this thing. there's nowhere to put my phone in this thing. (CHUCKLES) I should probably, uh... I should probably, uh... Don't let them get away. Do you want to get a coffee sometime? Do you want to get a coffee sometime? I'd love to. Excellent. I'll give you a call. Excellent. I'll give you a call. OK. Was that Richard? Nearly ran me over. Nearly ran me over. Huh. We should probably... Yeah, we should. That is some butt. That is some butt. Mm-hm. # Won't you come on, give me more? # Cos all I do is moan, moan, moan through the day, through the night. # Oh God. Oh God. Who's at our table? I was supposed to get here early. I was supposed to get here early. Hey, Cat. No lucky table. We're in to win. (CHUCKLES) We're in to win. (CHUCKLES) Look at the face on Brian. Oh, I am so sorry. It's my fault. Told you. There's wine. I'm questioning the commitment here. I'm questioning the commitment here. Look, calm the farm, Brian. It's just a table. It's our lucky table. It's our lucky table. What happened? My patient showed up at the last minute. My patient showed up at the last minute. Oh, relax, honey. It's not a biggie. Emma's coming tonight. Emma's coming tonight. Oh, getting the band back together. Emma's coming tonight. Oh, getting the band back together. Yeah, yeah. All right, folks, let's rip into it. Tonight's first round is The Other Side of the Mattress. Can you match these famous parents with their illegitimate offspring? Can you match these famous parents with their illegitimate offspring? Or accidents, as we call them now. Whoops, a baby. How did that happen? It's not hard. It's not hard. Yeah, you'd know, Brian. Question nine ` the collective noun for boys is a blush. Where is she? Where is she? A blush of boys? As if. Where is she? A blush of boys? As if. And 10 ` it's an array of hedgehogs. Yeah! Yeah! Oh dear. It's the table. I'm telling you, we're doomed. It's the table. I'm telling you, we're doomed. Just let it go. Moving on to round three ` Old Wives' Tales. A simple true or false will suffice. Number one ` touching toads... will give you warts. Looks like Emma's a no-show. Looks like Emma's a no-show. Oh, she's just running late. What is with you tonight? What is with you tonight? It's a quiz night, not a first date. I know that. I know that. Oh, maybe you should try the happy pills. Question two ` long hot baths will lower your sperm count. Is that true, Brian? Is that true, Brian? I'm a shower man myself. Here she is. Breathe easy, Brian. Here she is. Breathe easy, Brian. Number three ` carrots improve your eyesight. Is that true or false? That depends. If you have a vitamin A deficiency, it could help. That depends. If you have a vitamin A deficiency, it could help. So, true? Hey. What happened to the lucky table? Hey. What happened to the lucky table? Ask the doctor. I was supposed to get here early. I was supposed to get here early. Question four ` warm milk makes you sleepy. Warm milk? Yes? Warm milk? Yes? Ah, it can do. Yes. I'm sorry to be so late. I had a bit of a fright. I'm sorry to be so late. I had a bit of a fright. What happened? I was leaving the house, but then I had to go to the loo, cos, well, you know, my bladder's a bit squashed, so I went to the bathroom and... Oh God. What was it? What was it? There was a really big poo ` floating. Question five ` masturbation makes you go... blind. Sorry, having a bit of trouble reading the question. That is false. That is false. I kept flushing, but it wouldn't go away. Cos it's a lesbian poo. Cos it's a lesbian poo. Yeah, or the toilet's blocked. Cos it's a lesbian poo. Yeah, or the toilet's blocked. Well, Nicky's a vego, right? Yeah, but` Yeah, but` Well, there you go. Those dykes eat way too much fibre. It's common knowledge. I tried to flush it, but the water came up to the seat and nearly went over the top. Oh, it sounds blocked. Oh, it sounds blocked. Everybody's a bloody expert. Oh, it sounds blocked. Everybody's a bloody expert. I had to whizz in the garden. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Oui or non? You should have called me. You should have called me. You were at quiz night. And Nicky was calling a plumber when I left so... And Nicky was calling a plumber when I left so... It's true about apples. Yeah? Yeah? Something to do with phenols and the DNA in colon cancer cells. I'm just saying. I would've come. We're at the halfway, ladies and gentlemen. It's time for a comfort stop and a light refreshment. We're still in with a chance. Yeah, so maybe the lucky table isn't such a big deal. Yeah, so maybe the lucky table isn't such a big deal. Talking heresy there. Same again? Same again? Ta. Same again? Ta. Excuse me. I'm busting again. I'll come with you. Well, it's all high drama here tonight. Well, it's all high drama here tonight. So, how's the home front? Oh, yeah. Jo's picking herself up, which is good, because Frank tends to take it all on. How about Noah? How about Noah? Your guess is as good as mine. How about Noah? Your guess is as good as mine. Like they say, still waters... Are you still talking about Nicky's poo? Are you still talking about Nicky's poo? We weren't, actually. But thank you for reintroducing it, because we were starting to miss it. Question one in The Pudding Club ` is bombe Alaska a hot or cold dessert? Both. It's got ice cream inside and meringue on the top. You freeze it then you bake it. Does that work? Does that work? It's amazing. Question two ` name three puddings with bread in them. Bread and butter pudding, summer pudding, queen of puddings. Bread and butter pudding, summer pudding, queen of puddings. Yes! We are back. In second place on 88 ` I'm With Stupid. And out in front on a very healthy 91 ` Sex On A Stick! Whoo! Whoo! Smashed em, bro. And the wankers are nowhere. Romeo, I'm not coming back here to make up the numbers. Jeffrey, you really let us down tonight on puddings. So Brian, do you have an apology to make? I was tense, OK, but it turned out sweet. Hey, can I get you another drink? Hey, can I get you another drink? Oh, no. I don't want to take in too many liquids. Wee bit tired, so, uh, I'm gonna say goodnight. Wee bit tired, so, uh, I'm gonna say goodnight. ALL: Night. Baby steps. Hey, Jo. What's up? Hey, Jo. What's up? JO: Is Noah at your place? I'm at quiz, so... I'm at quiz, so... He hasn't come home. You tried his friends? You tried his friends? A couple, but Tobias woke up. He's got a sniffle. OK, I'll get on to it. OK, I'll get on to it. He's supposed to be grounded. He keeps doing this. Look, he'll be fine. I'm sure. I'll call you when I find him. Noah's gone AWOL. Noah's gone AWOL. Two guesses ` dak or pussy. That's helpful (!) That's helpful (!) Has he got a girlfriend? That's helpful (!) Has he got a girlfriend? I doubt it. Like you'd know. Like you'd know. Sorry, but... I gotta track him down. Good luck. Good luck. Night. > Good luck. Night. > < See ya. < Probably pussy and dak. < Probably pussy and dak. Oh, so sensitive (!) < Probably pussy and dak. Oh, so sensitive (!) Come on, 16! 16 was awesome. Not necessarily. Well, if you hear from him, can you get him to phone home? Thanks, Jack. (SPEED DIALS NUMBER) CELL PHONE RINGS > Noah? What's going on? Eh? Eh? You can't do this. You can't just drop over whenever you feel like it. Your mother is frantic. She said you were grounded. Your mother is frantic. She said you were grounded. Yeah. Can I stay here tonight? Yeah, but you need to call her. Yeah, but you need to call her. Dad, can you do it? Noah! Noah! She's gonna spaz out on me again. She's having a rough time of it at the moment. A bit of support from you wouldn't go amiss. Pick up your crap, have a shower, and we'll talk in the morning. Pick up your crap, have a shower, and we'll talk in the morning. Thanks, Dad. Oi! I said pick up your crap. He said he just wants a good night's sleep. He looks a bit shattered. Or he's stoned. Or he's stoned. Well, some of us do have recent experience in that area. It isn't a joke. It isn't a joke. (CHUCKLES) Look, I don't think so. He stays out half the night, and when he does deign to come home, he won't tell me where he's been. I'll talk to him tomorrow. I'll talk to him tomorrow. We should do it together ` a united front. I've got meetings. All right, well maybe you think I'm paranoid, but.. something is wrong with him. I know it. OK. I'll text you about a time. Thank you. Wonderful (!) 1 WHISPERS: I didn't know we had to get dressed up. WHISPERS: We're not going to bed, Ron. We're going out. (ROLLER DOOR RATTLES) (INTRIGUING MUSIC) (IGNITION CLICKS, CAR WHIRRS) (MAN SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE ON VIDEO) Hit it! (CAR POWERS UP) (EXCLAIMS EXCITEDLY) (WHOOPS) # Lazy days... # (MEN LAUGH) Oh my Gawd! Hey! (SCREAMING) Yes, yes. I don't feel well. BOTH: What?! (TYRES SCREECH) (WOMEN LAUGH) There you go. (BOTH LAUGH) (ENGINE REVS) What have you got under the hood, bro? You wouldn't believe me. (TYRES SCREECH, MEN EXCLAIM, CAR WHIRRS) (BOTH LAUGH) (CLICKING) WHISPERS: See you tomorrow. WHISPERS: It is tomorrow. Let's go. Wrap it up. Let's go. Wrap it up. But don't you want to know? What is it now? What is it now? Tyler was crying in class yesterday. There's pics. She isn't even at your school. So? So? So it shouldn't be broadcast, and you shouldn't look at it. Come on. Because it's about Noah? Because it's about Noah? No, because it's someone's personal business. She shouldn't have got up the duff in the first place. She shouldn't have got up the duff in the first place. You are in no position to talk. I didn't get pregnant. I didn't get pregnant. While having sex in the back of a car? That is so mean. That is so mean. And you are being kind? It could have been you ` a broken condom. Is that what happened? Is that what happened? I have no idea. And I wouldn't tell you if I did. You and your friends may not realise this, but some things are private. Urgh. It's still there. Maybe I should get it to pay rent. Did you get hold of your plumber? Did you get hold of your plumber? Annette said next week at the earliest. She's very good. And quite hot. And quite hot. KNOCK AT DOOR Well, I can't go in the garden during the day. Just go in the shower. That's what I do. Really? Really? Wees isn't germy. People drink it. I heard you need a plumber. Is that right? Is that right? I just had a cancellation, so I can fit you in. Well, that's... lucky. Well, that's... lucky. Hey. Well, that's... lucky. Hey. Hi. It's right through there. We should split. Just close the front door when you're finished. Just close the front door when you're finished. OK. Would you like a coffee or something? Would you like a coffee or something? No, I'm good. And you've got school. All right. Thanks. I was glad you called. I was glad you called. I said I would. I was just a little bit surprised, you know, considering where we left things. I thought about you while I was away. Thanking your lucky stars for a narrow escape? Thanking your lucky stars for a narrow escape? No. You seem really good, really together. really together. Well, I couldn't stay where I was. I've been in therapy. And I've met someone. And I've met someone. Oh, right. Is it serious? Early days. But how about you? Have you met anyone? I haven't had time, really. I haven't had time, really. What about Kim, your translator? I think her husband might object. I think her husband might object. What, there are no other women in China? Did you know that for every woman in China, there's a hundred men? I did not know that. I did not know that. Anyway, I was there on business. I did not know that. Anyway, I was there on business. Mm. You know, you won't stay single for long if you get round in that bike suit. Hey, do you still ride? Hey, do you still ride? Sure, just not in a Lycra onesie. Well, come out with me sometime. We could go for a burn. Well, come out with me sometime. We could go for a burn. I would not be able to keep up. Oh well. Just an idea. Oh, what the hell. Why not? What are you doing with my undies? What are you doing with my undies? I was just moving them. What are you doing with my undies? I was just moving them. They're in your hand, mate. Well, I thought they were Emma's. Well, I thought they were Emma's. Not all lezzers wear Y-fronts. I was just checking the water pressure. It's completely stuffed. I was just checking the water pressure. It's completely stuffed. Have you fixed the loo? Yeah, it's just about done. Yeah, it's just about done. Good. Did you get the plumbing checked when you bought this place? Did you get the plumbing checked when you bought this place? Yeah. Of course I did. By a certified tradesman? By a certified tradesman? By my mate Annette. She's a qualified plumber, and she never sniffs my knickers on the job. She's a qualified plumber, and she never sniffs my knickers on the job. I wasn't sniffing them. I've thought about it, and I want a termination. Have you discussed it with anyone? Have you discussed it with anyone? No. Not your parents? Not your parents? No way. What about the father? What about the father? It's got nothing to do with him. It's his baby too. It's his baby too. But it's my life. There's always adoption. There's always adoption. I just want to get it over with. As long as you understand the options. As long as you understand the options. I do. You've told me. And this is what I want. I'll need to refer you to a counsellor. I'll need to refer you to a counsellor. So refer me. Tyler, it concerns me that you're going through this alone. OK, I'll give you a referral, but I wish you would discuss this with someone who can support you through it. with someone who can support you through it. I can look after myself. Has he said anything yet? Has he said anything yet? No. I was waiting for you. Has he said anything yet? No. I was waiting for you. Right. OK, calm, rational. Let's do it. Sneaking about, staying out late, breaking curfew ` what's going on? Nothing. Nothing. I don't believe you. Are you smoking dope again? Are you smoking dope again? No. Are you smoking dope again? No. Look at me! What for? What for? We need to know where you are. I'm just hanging out with mates, OK? I'm just hanging out with mates, OK? Not when I checked. Or they're lying. Or they're lying. You don't know them all. OK. Then who have you been spending time with? Doesn't matter. Have you got a girlfriend? You have. We're just trying to understand what's going on. If you're seeing someone, why didn't you just say so? If you're seeing someone, why didn't you just say so? So, what's her name? Tyler. Tyler. Tyler who? Greegan. Greegan. From school? Why did you feel you had to sneak out and see her? Why did you feel you had to sneak out and see her? We had stuff to talk about. What stuff? What stuff? It doesn't matter. What stuff? It doesn't matter. Noah. She says there's no point in talking about it, cos... she's gonna get rid of it. Is she`? What did you say? She's pregnant? Noah? Noah? I told you, it doesn't matter. Just leave me alone. Oh Jesus. What? Why is he still here? Hey. Hey. Is everything all right? Hey. Is everything all right? Nope. Oh, is the toilet still broken? Oh, is the toilet still broken? Toilet's fine, but it's your pipes. Oh, is the toilet still broken? Toilet's fine, but it's your pipes. Not what Annette said. Annette's talking through a hole in her head. Your 45ml's going into your 60 ml. Even some old copper, dodgy connections. And you're not even on mains pressure. And you're not even on mains pressure. I didn't ask for any of this. You're going to have to replace the lot. And I suppose you're the man for the job? And I suppose you're the man for the job? I have done you a quote. Oh piss off. That's not charging for labour; that's just cost. That's not charging for labour; that's just cost. It's for thousands. No one else would do it for that, and you need to do it. I'll ask Annette, see what she thinks. I'll ask Annette, see what she thinks. (SIGHS) Whatever. Thank you for fixing the toilet. Thank you for fixing the toilet. Well, it's not gonna stay fixed, not with those pipes. He just wants an excuse so he can hang round and get back in your pants. I bet this is bullshit. He wouldn't lie about something like that. He wouldn't lie about something like that. Oh, right, Brian, he's really honest (!) Brian, he's really honest (!) Well, he is, actually. About plumbing, he is. I'll have to pump and dump, but I really need this. Me too. I had no idea he was even` I had no idea he was even` ...seeing anyone. I know. I suppose we should have expected it. I suppose we should have expected it. I don't know how you can be so calm. I'm not, believe me. But getting emotional it is not going to help. Is that a dig? Is that a dig? No. Is that a dig? No. Liar. We just need to put this fire out, not throw petrol on it. That's all I'm saying. We'll have to speak to her parents, deal with all of that. We'll have to speak to her parents, deal with all of that. Probably. Not probably. OK, but we need to get the facts straight. OK, but we need to get the facts straight. I suppose so. We don't even know that it's really his or that she is even pregnant. We don't even know that it's really his or that she is even pregnant. True. I'll talk to Noah, and we'll take it from there. I'll talk to Noah, and we'll take it from there. It's a plan. Our little boy. Not so little. BOTH EXHALE That... (PANTS) was astonishing. Oh, it's all your fault. (CHUCKLES, SIGHS) You seem very up. I'm good. God, I just think about where I was a couple of months ago ` so angry and confused. I feel like a different person. Pleased to be of service. You know I met up with someone who I hadn't seen in a while today, and even they noticed. That you seem well? That you seem well? That I'm happy. That feel good? That feel good? Yeah. Really good. How long will I need to keep seeing you? Well, professionally? Well, professionally? Of course professionally. It's hard to say. People stabilise at different rates. Oh, I'm so much better, and everyone says so. Oh, I'm so much better, and everyone says so. Like your friend today? Oh, it would just be nice to see you without being your patient. (CHUCKLES) You could be rushing things a little. Yeah, well, you know how impatient I can be. Hey, but if you're conflicted, I could refer you to someone else. I could refer you to someone else. I don't want someone else. And I don't want to compromise your therapy. And I don't want to compromise your therapy. Neither do I. We'll keep things the way they are, huh, for now? We'll keep things the way they are, huh, for now? Sure. PHONE CHIMES PHONE CHIMES Oh. That... will be the end of book club. I love book club. And I'm sure I'm not the only husband who appreciates it. Hey, can you come into the office, at the end of this week? I could fit you in Friday. Sure. I just want to see my favourite patient. PHONE RINGS Catherine Duvall. Catherine Duvall. Hi. Sorry if I woke you. You didn't. Is everything OK? No, not really. Noah's got a girl pregnant. Noah's got a girl pregnant. GROANS: Oh no. Or he might have. I'm still trying to get to the bottom of it, but, um,... it's a curve ball. Did he tell you who the girl is? Did he tell you who the girl is? Someone called Tyler ` from school, apparently. I mean, I` I've never met her. I wish I could come over, but I have to be here. No, no, it's, um` You do what you have to do. Oh, it's tough. We'll get through it,... I guess. We'll get through it,... I guess. Yeah, of course you will. Annette checked the job and Brian's quote, and guess what ` she said it's a steal. I don't believe it. Brian wouldn't cheat you. I don't believe it. Brian wouldn't cheat you. No, a steal for me. She told me to jump on it. She told me to jump on it. Oh, well good. It's a shit load of money, but I can get a loan. He'll do a really good job. He's very reliable. He'll do a really good job. He's very reliable. Mm, so you keep saying. I know what you think. He'll be here for days hanging around with his shirt off and a big tool in his hand. He knows that's not happening. He knows that's not happening. Not even a wee bit moist? LAUGHS: No. He's a good tradesman, but... ...he's also a root rat who likes big hooters. I don't think he's particular about size. I don't think he's particular about size. So I give him full marks for trying. All I'm really hoping for is better water pressure and a reliable flush. Mm. Aren't we all? Mm. Aren't we all? (CHUCKLES) That would suit Celeste. That would suit Celeste. Perhaps. But what would I know? That would suit Celeste. Perhaps. But what would I know? Oh, how is the dark cloud? Still dark. And far too keen on social media. Normal in other words. Normal in other words. CELL PHONE RINGS Take it. I don't mind. Ah. Richard, hi. Nothing special. Why? Sure, I'm up for it. Just go easy on me, OK. See you then. Richard? We caught up for coffee the other day. Coffee? Coffee? He wants to go for a ride this afternoon. A bike ride, Smutty Pants. A bike ride, Smutty Pants. I hope he wears the suit. If he doesn't, I'll make him go home and get changed. SING-SONGY: He likes you. He likes you. Maybe. But I'm actually well satisfied in that department right now. Of course, the mystery man. When can I meet him? You can't. I'm sure you've worked out why. He's married? He's married? Mm, mm-hm. Do you think that's a good idea? Do you think that's a good idea? Oh, honey, it's not about being good. But if he's not free... You weren't exactly free when you fell for Mac. Didn't stop you, did it? Fair call. So, how is Richard gonna fit in? Not like that! Not like that! LAUGHS: I have no idea. Not like that! LAUGHS: I have no idea. BOTH LAUGH Does Tyler know for sure if she's pregnant? Does Tyler know for sure if she's pregnant? Yeah. How? How? She did a home test thing ` twice. And it's definitely yours? What? What? There's no way of really knowing. She's not a slut. She's not a slut. I'm not saying that. She's not a slut. I'm not saying that. Yeah, you are, and no she's not. If she wanted to have it, I'd be into that. How? You're still at school. How? You're still at school. I could leave, get a job. How? You're still at school. I could leave, get a job. As what? It doesn't matter, does it? She's not keeping it. She doesn't want anything to do with me any more. She dumped me. Ah, first love ` how well I remember it. Hormones and angst and really bad sex. Hormones and angst and really bad sex. Sex was bad? Mostly, but at least I didn't have to worry about getting anyone knocked up... or being a grandfather. or being a grandfather. Don't even joke about it. You are getting a little silver around the temples. I could see you with a pipe, the grandkiddies on your knee. the grandkiddies on your knee. I need to talk to you. We've got a meeting. We've got a meeting. This is important. We've got a meeting. This is important. Right. Walk them through it. I'll be there when I can. Walk them through it. I'll be there when I can. Right you are. Hi. Hi. You will not believe this. I went to see the parents. What? What? Tyler ` I went to see her parents. We were gonna wait until I talked to Noah. We were gonna wait until I talked to Noah. I had to know what was happening. I'm glad I did. She hadn't told them anything. They had no idea what was going on. Well, they do now. Well, they do now. Oh, it gets better. They just called me back. They spoke to Tyler, she is pregnant, and she's seen a doctor about a termination. But am I telling you things you already know? Noah wasn't very specific. Noah wasn't very specific. I don't mean Noah. The girl's doctor is Catherine. What? What? You really had no idea? Well, that's a bit awkward, isn't it? I had no choice. I had no choice. That is bullshit. The doctor-patient relationship is confidential. It has to be. The doctor-patient relationship is confidential. It has to be. What about our relationship? I understand how you feel. Do you? Because I don't think I've lied to you, especially about something important. I didn't lie; I withheld information. How long have you known? How long have you known? What difference does it make? Tuesday. Tuesday. You knew at quiz night? Well, you just sat there? I felt terrible. I felt terrible. Nothing. Not even a hint. I felt terrible. Nothing. Not even a hint. I tried. I asked how Noah was, if he had a girlfriend. if he had a girlfriend. He's really spelling it out. if he had a girlfriend. He's really spelling it out. I couldn't do more; she's my patient. she's my patient. And what am I? It's a professional obligation. CELL PHONE CHIMES Shit, I have to go. I've got a patient. We can talk about this later. I've got a patient. We can talk about this later. Is there any point? Where's the superman suit? I only wear that when I'm out with the boys. I only wear that when I'm out with the boys. Oh, spoilsport. It's for training, not for pleasure. It's for training, not for pleasure. Oh, I don't know. It gave me a happy moment. It does great things for your butt. Oh, if you're looking to tone that area, I can offer some advice. Oh, if you're looking to tone that area, I can offer some advice. Oh, please. Try this. Oh, OK, that looks dangerous. Oh, OK, that looks dangerous. You really have to grip. Oh! (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) Jesus! Sorry. Sorry. Oh, are you OK? I'll live. Where does it hurt? I'm embarrassed to tell you. Ice blocks? Well, they're cold, and if we're lucky, we can lick them later. Well, they're cold, and if we're lucky, we can lick them later. Sounds good. This should keep the swelling down. This should keep the swelling down. Yeah, I don't know about that. (LAUGHS) Oh! That hurts. Then stop laughing. If you were wearing a nurse's uniform, this would be like the best fantasy I ever had. (GROANS, LAUGHS) BOTH SPEAK INDISTINCTLY < DOOR CLOSES Hi. Hi. Dad, this is Tyler. Hi. Dad, this is Tyler. Hi. What's going on? What's going on? She wants to stay here. Her olds kicked her out, so` Her olds kicked her out, so` Not exactly. I left. Mum went and told them about the baby. They want her to have it. They had this massive fight and` They want her to have it. They had this massive fight and` Do they know where you are? Not really. Not really. So she can stay, right? Call them and let them know. What for? What for? They need to know she's here and that she's safe. No arguments. And get them to give me a ring. And get them to give me a ring. We'll call them from my room. Thanks. Is she gonna sleep in Noah's room? I` I` I don't know. I thought she dumped him. I thought she dumped him. Yeah. But she showed up, and she was crying, and he asked her in, and they hugged, so... maybe she likes him again. Hang on. You knew that he had a girlfriend? Hang on. You knew that he had a girlfriend? Maybe. JO: Tyler's there now? Her parents wanted to get her, but she said she'd walk if they came. Her parents wanted to get her, but she said she'd walk if they came. Shit. What else could I do? Throw her on the street? What else could I do? Throw her on the street? I know, but... Where is she gonna sleep? Where is she gonna sleep? In Noah's room, I guess. Well, at least she's not gonna get pregnant. Well, at least she's not gonna get pregnant. So we're certain it's his? Looks that way. ANSWERPHONE: We're not home, but if you leave your number, we'll get back to you. Hey, it's me. I um I've booked a table tomorrow 7.30 at Ma Maison. I just, um... I thought it would be good if we could have dinner and talk. Call me when you get a chance. What are you thinking? At least while she's there, the parents can't lean on her. They really want her to have it? They really want her to have it? That's what Noah said. They didn't mention it on the phone. They didn't mention it on the phone. That's ridiculous. They didn't mention it on the phone. That's ridiculous. I know. It's just` What? What? I'm just thinking ` I'm not ready to be this mature. I know what you mean. So, what's she like? She seems nice. She's trying to play it cool, but she's obviously upset. She seems nice. She's trying to play it cool, but she's obviously upset. Poor kid. Mm. Noah really likes her. Noah really likes her. Really? Noah really likes her. Really? Yeah. Well, at least they came to us. That's something. Hey. Hey. Hi. Oh, I have a spare key for you. Just help yourself to tea or coffee. Just help yourself to tea or coffee. Thanks. Is Nicky at home? Just help yourself to tea or coffee. Thanks. Is Nicky at home? Uh, no, she left. Good. I didn't want to surprise her in the bathroom. Good. I didn't want to surprise her in the bathroom. She had netball practice. Ah, figures. Ah, figures. Year 6. Ah, figures. Year 6. Right. It's really nice of you to do this for her. I'm not doing it for her; I'm doing it for you and the baby. I know that. I know that. You know, I'm not an arsehole all the time. I know that. You have a good day. You have a good day. You too. I'm probably wasting your time. It's been a great week. I'm probably wasting your time. It's been a great week. So how would you gauge your mood on a scale of one to 10? Hmm. Eight, seven. (CHUCKLES) Why? Why? You seem a little... wired. I'm much better; everyone says so. I'm much better; everyone says so. Like the old friend you met for coffee the other day? Who initiated that meeting? They did. They did. And have you met again since? We went for a bike ride. Did you notice anything about your feelings? Did you notice anything about your feelings? I felt good. (CHUCKLES) (CHUCKLES) Yes? (CHUCKLES) Yes? Oh, it was nothing. It was silly. He fell off his bike. I notice you've avoided using his name. I notice you've avoided using his name. Not really. It's Richard. Smashed bottle Richard? Suicide attempt Richard? You see what could be happening here? You see what could be happening here? Not really. Your heightened mood, your excitement at seeing him. Your heightened mood, your excitement at seeing him. I was just happy. This man is a trigger, Michelle. Is he? Is he? It's part of the pattern that we've talked about ` your response to men, your need for approval. I guess. I think, just as a precaution, we should tweak your medication a little. But I feel fine. But I feel fine. You think you do; it's familiar. But you know that this can get out of control, so it's best that we level things out now. OK. I really wasn't aware of it. I really wasn't aware of it. That's my job ` to be aware of it. CELL PHONE RINGS Hi. Hi. Hey. What are you up to? Heading back to the office. How's the groin? Still strained. But I was thinking we could do something sitting down. Sorry? Sorry? How about a movie? Are you there? I don't think that's a really good idea. You know, I'm seeing someone. I don't think that's a really good idea. You know, I'm seeing someone. Well, I know, but` Yeah, so it's` it's not really appropriate. Sure. I understand. Bye, Richard. Hi. Hi. I hope this is all right ` popping in uninvited. Of course. Of course. I was at a bit of a loose end. Tobias is with Adam for the evening, and I made this huge tagine and then I thought, 'Why not share it? 'Give you a night off cooking, see what my lovely boys are up to.' Great. Great. And it's a chance for Tyler and I to get to know each other. Sounds good. Homework off the table, Frank. Noah needs to lay it. Homework off the table, Frank. Noah needs to lay it. Five places. Wine? I might just grab a quick shower first. I might just grab a quick shower first. I made eggplant kasundi too ` really pushed the boat out. PHONE RINGS Catherine Duvall. Catherine Duvall. Hey, it's me. Hey. Hey. Look, something's come up. I can't make it tonight. Right. Right. Tyler's at our place. Things aren't great with her parents. We're gonna have dinner and talk things through. We're gonna have dinner and talk things through. Of course,... of course. I'm really sorry. Another time, all right? I'm really sorry. Another time, all right? Sure. Another time. (GROANS) Bugger it. I got stood up by my boyfriend at the age of 42. at the age of 42. Oh, it's his loss, honey. You look frickin' awesome. He did the right thing, though. He had to stay home. No, he didn't. We're on Catherine's side. But this must be really hard for Mac. I cannot repeat what a patient tells me. Even to a family member? Even to a family member? God, no! If my shrink told my family some of the things I've said to him` But he's a psychiatrist. But he's a psychiatrist. There's no difference, except they get paid more. Anyway, enough of this. How was the bike ride with Richard? It was OK. No big deal. I didn't know you were seeing Richard again. I didn't know you were seeing Richard again. No, I'm not. It was one bike ride. End of story. It was one bike ride. End of story. Did it not go well? I just think I shouldn't see him any more. I just think I shouldn't see him any more. Because? He's a trigger. He's a trigger. What does that mean? I get mood swings. You know highs and lows, and I just need to break the pattern. Oh, no more. It doesn't mix with my meds. Oh, would you like a juice? Oh, would you like a juice? Not really, but fill me up. I haven't noticed mood swings. You've been great. I haven't noticed mood swings. You've been great. I get a bit buzzed around Richard. My shrink noticed it. My shrink noticed it. OK. His call. So he's upped my meds a little ` just as a precaution. Oh. Oh. Anyway, isn't this confidential? Possibly. I'll get hammered if I drink all this. That lamb was great. That lamb was great. My pleasure. Dunno about the eggplant thing. Dunno about the eggplant thing. I liked it. Dunno about the eggplant thing. I liked it. Thank you. Frank, can you clear? Frank, can you clear? Oh. Why me? Frank, can you clear? Oh. Why me? Cos Noah laid. Would you like to call home? Just to check in. Would you like to call home? Just to check in. No, thanks. If you need to pick up more clothes or anything, we can go with you. If you need to pick up more clothes or anything, we can go with you. I don't want to see them. Not till it's over. Not till it's over. Do they have religious objections? They're just really mad with me. They want me to have it. And keep it? And keep it? Or adopt it. Mum says it's the right thing to do. Hey. It's OK. It'll be all right. Maybe I should. I just don't know. Is it what you want? But Mum says if I have the abortion, it'll mess me up, that I'll regret it. But people do it all the time. But people do it all the time. Do they? But people do it all the time. Do they? Like who? Like me. When I was 21, I got pregnant and it wasn't planned and I wasn't ready. How come you never said anything? How come you never said anything? Because... people don't talk about it. But that only makes it harder when you're in Tyler's position. You feel like you're the only one who's ever gone through it, but you're not. Did you regret it? Did you regret it? No. I stopped feeling sick. I got my life back. I've got my three beautiful boys who I wouldn't swap for the world. But I had them when I could do it properly, when I was ready. You're in a tough place, but whatever you choose, we'll support you. Both of you. You've got really cool parents. You've got really cool parents. Yeah, sometimes. Now, could anyone handle cake? Is it chocolate? Is it chocolate? Is there any other kind? Mum makes the best chocolate cake in the world. Mum makes the best chocolate cake in the world. Yay. We should talk to her parents again, try and mend some fences. We should talk to her parents again, try and mend some fences. Sure. That was amazing, what you did. It was just dinner. It was just dinner. I didn't mean that. Well, it shouldn't be a secret. I'm not ashamed. Are you? I'm not ashamed. Are you? No. We were just too young, that's all. I haven't thought about it in ages. I remember sitting in the clinic waiting for you to come out. I was so mixed up. You did get me flowers. You did get me flowers. Well, it was sad. You did get me flowers. Well, it was sad. It was. But we were so young. We didn't know if we'd stay together. It was the right thing to do. Night, Mac. KNOCK AT DOOR KNOCKING CONTINUES Who is it? Who is it? MAC: It's me. Hi. Hi. Hi. I thought you had a family dinner. I thought you had a family dinner. I did. But I missed you. I missed you too. I was all dressed up before, you know. But I love your jammies. And I think you should take them off. And I think you should take them off. Uh-huh. Wait, wait ` Celeste. Who? (CHUCKLES) (GIGGLES) BOTH HUSH, GIGGLE > (EXCLAIMS, BREATHES HEAVILY) > Oh my God. > (MOANS) Where did that come from? What do you mean? It's always like this. I didn't know if you were gonna let me in. I didn't know if you were gonna let me in. Boom-boom. BOTH LAUGH I was cross with you. I was cross with you. I know. I was cross with you. I know. But really, I was jealous. I felt left out. I know it's silly. Why is it silly? Why is it silly? It's a family problem. It doesn't involve me. But we're connected. So, yes, it does. Yeah, it does. Oh, I don't know how to do this ` how to be separate and together. You managed to pull it off with Jules for 20-odd years. You managed to pull it off with Jules for 20-odd years. I want this to be different. And it will be. And it will be. Will it? We've both got exes, kids, lives, work stuff that we can't talk about, secrets. In spite of all of that, we managed to find each other, So we just have to keep doing that. So we just have to keep doing that. You put that very well. What can I say? I'm in advertising. What can I say? I'm in advertising. That must be it. What can I say? I'm in advertising. That must be it. Plus I'm not pissed. I hate to say it, but` I hate to say it, but` ...you should go? I hate to say it, but` ...you should go? Mm-hm. I have teens at home alone. Anything could happen. Anything could happen. (CHUCKLE WRYLY) Someone could get pregnant. Argh! Argh! (CHUCKLES) I love you. I love you too. TONO AND THE FINANCE COMPANY'S 'TIMING' All done. Really? Really? Try that shower. You won't know what hit ya. Whoa. You're really sticking out. Whoa. You're really sticking out. Oh, yeah, I know. # I used to think the right girl... Well,... have a good one. Thank you, Brian. Thank you, Brian. It's no sweat. Thank you, Brian. It's no sweat. No, I... I really mean it. # But, no, no, no. It's the timing. # Oh, it's the timing that really matters. # How long ago did you split up with your boyfriend? # Does the blood still rush when you think of him? # Do you still kind of think that one day # you'll be back with him? # Oh, come on, be honest. DOGS BARK DOGS BARK DOG WHINES # When I danced with you, I caught the smell of your hair. Sorry, babies. Mummy just can't. # And by all other standards, I am yours. # But I want to know about the timing, # cos I've been burnt... Is there a Tyler here, please? Tyler? Come with me, please, Tyler. Do you want me to come? # Only girls with bad timing. # Girls with bad timing. # Only girls with bad timing # will do. # MUSIC CONTINUES Captions by Desney Shaw. www.tvnz.co.nz/access-services Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright TVNZ Access Services 2013