(STRAINS) Yeah, I was, um, thinking about the birth-certificate thing. I reckon my name should be on it. Sweet. Feel like a different person. Feel like a different person. Pleased to be of service. I've been in therapy, and I've met someone. I've been in therapy, and I've met someone. Is it... serious? This man is a trigger. You know that this can get out of control. So it's best that we level things out now. We should tweak your medication a little. We should tweak your medication a little. OK. I realised I love her. I realised I love her. Who? Karen? I realised I love her. Who? Karen? No! Emma, you marnus. I love her. I know you feel like this, but you are who you are. I'm not. I'm not. I just can't keep going with loser guys. I'm not a loser. # And the stars came out once the lights went out. And I could not speak, so I had to shout. # And then the moon passed sadly by. # Who said, 'Husbands are like fires ` they go out when unattended.' No, hang on. I know this. Um, it's... The NZ singer who had a US top hit with which male performer in 2012? Yeah, that's easy. That's easy. It's, um... God... Uh, Kimbra and Gotye. Uh, Kimbra and Gotye. Yes. Yes. OK. And the final question in this round, Women On Men ` who said, 'As long as you know men are like children, you know everything.' MAC: Tough one. MAC: Tough one. No, no, no. I know it. It's, um... Mae West? Mae West? No! No. Um... > OK, answer sheets in, please. OK, answer sheets in, please. Can you just give us a minute, please? Yep. Shit. No. I've lost it. Anyone? It's OK. We can leave it. It's OK. We can leave it. No! It's a bonus round, dammit. OK. Any ideas on the Emma Stone one? Any ideas on the Emma Stone one? Ben Affleck? Jake Gyllenhaal? Zsa Zsa Gabor ` the last question. Zsa Zsa Gabor ` the last question. That'll do. Dammit. Where's Brian tonight? Where's Brian tonight? I don't know. Where's Brian tonight? I don't know. Idiot. Bloody Zsa Zsa Gabor. Doesn't really matter? Doesn't really matter? (SIGHS) No. It's just, like... The answer's here, in my head, but it's just all wrapped up in cotton wool. Aaah! Coco Chanel! Jesus. I should have remembered that. Too late. Too late. (SIGHS) Sorry. You OK? Yeah, just... not sleeping very well. Ugh, and then last night... No job is too big or too small for Lana's Ladies. If you want that personal touch, call this number for a free, no-obligation quote. call this number for a free, no-obligation quote. What the...? And remember, the first clean of the house is on the house. That's right ` the first clean is absolutely free. Trust Lana's Ladies. You won't be disappointed. Bitch! This woman had a Clean and Handy franchise, but didn't renew. And now she's undercutting you? And now she's undercutting you? It's a breach. Well, not if she's out of contract. Well, not if she's out of contract. Yeah, I know. I know, OK? Just... letting it go. in round two... The free house-cleaning is kind of clever. The free house-cleaning is kind of clever. Not helping, hon. All righty, pens poised for round three ` Local Knowledge; true or false. Ah, here he is now. Ah, here he is now. Just in time. Ah, here he is now. Just in time. Sorry, guys. Hello. Have we got a new member on the team? Yeah ` got dumped on me at the last minute. Yeah ` got dumped on me at the last minute. Not dumped if it's your own kid. Nah, happy to have him. Stoked. Reinga is the northernmost part of mainland NZ. True or false? True. False. It's the North Cape. False. It's the North Cape. Right. Listen carefully. These can be tricky. Aw, he's gorgeous. Yeah, he takes after his dad. Yeah, he takes after his dad. ALL LAUGH Yeah, he takes after his dad. ALL LAUGH In 2009 the Springboks defeated the All Blacks in all three Tests they played. Sad, but true. Is, um... Is Courtney OK? Is, um... Is Courtney OK? Yeah, she's just a bit, um,... busy. (CHUCKLES) There you go, buddy. Have a chew on that. You don't have to bring groceries around. There's some pizza bases. You might want to stick 'em in the freezer. There's some pizza bases. You might want to stick 'em in the freezer. You can keep them. I'm not that big on carbs these days. That's good to know. Well, little man, what do you want to do now? < You could take him for a while if you wanted. < You could take him for a while if you wanted. Eh? But, um,... what about the, uh,... you know, milk, and that? you know, milk, and that? (SCOFFS) He's on solids and formula now. Since when? Since when? Since I didn't want him chewing my tits off all the time. Hey. Gidday. Gidday. You must be Brian. Must be. Jerry. Jericho Amosa? That's right. Jerry's just moved in. Jerry's just moved in. What, with Talia? Jerry's just moved in. What, with Talia? No. She's moved out. She's moved out. (SCOFFS) New flowers are out. Already? That's amazing. Thanks, Jerry. Jericho Amosa? Seriously? Yep. Yep. Is anyone else confused? League player. League player. Had a season with the Warriors; sidelined last year. And he's flatting with Courtney? And he's flatting with Courtney? Not only. (CHUCKLES) SIGHS: Oh, bugger. Don't go away. Hey, sorry. I forgot the, um... Hey, sorry. I forgot the, um... COURTNEY AND JERRY MOAN COURTNEY MOANS Right. I, uh... They were totally at it. They were totally at it. Go, Courtney. Chubby ones are always the loudest. Mind you, she's way hotter these days. < Courtney is? Yeah. She's lost heaps of weight, and she's done something with her hair. Now she's got herself a sports star. Now she's got herself a sports star. (GRUNTS) Not exactly a star. Didn't he have a bit of a rep for brawling and drinking? Didn't he have a bit of a rep for brawling and drinking? Yeah. You go hard on the field. That is false. Canada also has two. But is that a good thing? I mean, if he's gonna be Sonny Bill's stepdad. But is that a good thing? I mean, if he's gonna be Sonny Bill's stepdad. Shit. I had not thought of that. (FUSSES) That's false, you reckon? Two Short Planks. TWO SHORT PLANKS CHEER TWO SHORT PLANKS CHEER Second, Marathon Men, on 84. ALL: Marathon Men! Plonkers. They didn't win. Plonkers. They didn't win. And, by a whisker, I'm With Stupid, on 86. ALL WHOOP, CHEER Thanks for coming out, and I'll see ya next week. > Fifth! How did that happen? Fifth! How did that happen? Ah, them's the breaks. Fifth! How did that happen? Ah, them's the breaks. Shouldn't have bonused movies. OK, I get it, Brian. Do you need a lift? Do you need a lift? I'm good ` got some cleaning to sort. (CHUCKLES) Cleaning ` is that what you call it? (CHUCKLES) Cleaning ` is that what you call it? What? You and your mystery man ` 'cleaning'. Don't be a knob. See you guys soon. Don't be a knob. See you guys soon. ALL: Bye. That time of the month? That time of the month? She OK, do you think? I'm not sure. CELL PHONE RINGS CELL PHONE RINGS (SIGHS) Courtney. (SIGHS) Bastard. I called; I left messages. Yeah, but it's Tuesday ` quiz night. Yeah, but it's Tuesday ` quiz night. With Sonny Bill? Yeah, but it's Tuesday ` quiz night. With Sonny Bill? I'm sorry. SONNY BILL FUSSES Out of the way. Right. So, you and Jericho Amosa, eh? What's wrong with that? What's wrong with that? Nothing. Just saying. He's a really great guy. He's really into Sonny Bill, you know? Yeah? Since when? Yeah? Since when? Since, like, a few months ago. You're shitting me. You're shitting me. Well, like you'd know. I've been around the place. I've been around the place. Yeah, every now and then, when you feel like it. It's not that bad. It's not that bad. Look, it doesn't bother me, OK? Jerry's cool with Sonny Bill. Family's real important to him. Well,... (SIGHS) actually, I was thinking I could have the little guy a bit more, you know? Sleepovers. Or, now that he's... off the boob. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, maybe. Well, give you some space as well, you know? Well, you do owe me. Come on. And you can bugger off now. Come on. KNOCK AT DOOR > DOGS BARK Shh, babies. Mummy's got to keep sharp. KNOCK AT DOOR > Yeah, yeah. Coming. Are you Lana from Lana's Ladies? You know who I am. Do come in. Please. What do you want? My no-obligation quote and free clean. Is this a trick? Is this a trick? Oh, why would I do that? Unless I was mad at you for ripping off my franchise. I didn't. I didn't. Oh, I think you might have. When I left Clean and Handy, some of my old clients wanted me to still` Then why do you need to advertise? Then why do you need to advertise? I... So I` Then why do you need to advertise? I... So I` I've seen your ads. I have as much right as you do to run my own company. I have as much right as you do to run my own company. You know, I gave you training. I supplied you with cleaning product and support and advertising` I supplied you with cleaning product and support and advertising` In the past, OK? In the past. Now Clean and Handy is shit. The product is shit. The support is shit. There is no advertising. That's not true. That's not true. How would you know? You don't get your hands dirty. You could have said something. You could have said something. I did. You never replied. So... now I'm going. I understand you have had some personal problems. I'm sorry. I hope there are no hard feelings. What did she mean? What's wrong with our product? There is a problem with deliveries. There is a problem with deliveries. Oh, Jesus wept. I turn my back for five minutes, and everyone` More like three months. What? Well, we didn't want to bother you, and we thought things would sort themselves out. Yeah, but they haven't. And I'm not... You know, I think I would... Sorry? (SIGHS) How? How many other franchise holders are up for renewal? Debs, there's a folder on your desk somewhere. (SIGHS) (EXHALES) Five franchise holders haven't renewed ` all women; older ladies. Is that so strange? Is that so strange? Actually, no. It's totally predictable. Hey. Hey. Hey. Just putting this together. Gonna have the little guy stay over for a bit. Gonna have the little guy stay over for a bit. Great. I thought you could use this. All you need to know about baby care. For me? For me? Well, they had a baby shower for me at work, and I got two copies. So... Oh, excellent. We'll be all set. Now all you need is a change table, high chair, bottle` Now all you need is a change table, high chair, bottle` Yep, they're on the list. By the time this one comes along, we'll be all set up. By the time this one comes along, we'll be all set up. Great. And there's no rule against babies sharing the same room, eh? No, it'll be nice for them to... get to know each other. Anyway, I'd better go. Well, do you want a cup of tea? I've got herbal. Well, do you want a cup of tea? I've got herbal. No, I really do have to go. But enjoy. I'll be testing you. But enjoy. I'll be testing you. Can't wait. (SIGHS) You can say hello if he's awake, and then we're going out. Oh, cool. Well, I could take Sonny Bill. Oh, we're taking him to Jerry's parents' place. Oh, we're taking him to Jerry's parents' place. What for? Oh, they just love Sonny Bill. Oh, they just love Sonny Bill. Since when? Oh, they just love Sonny Bill. Since when? Oh, you know, whenever they offer, and church on Sundays. Hey, babe, I'll just jump in the shower. and church on Sundays. Hey, babe, I'll just jump in the shower. No problem. It's my neice's birthday. All the rellies will be there. It's a big deal. Yeah, well, having Sonny Bill over is kind of a big deal for me too. Yeah, well, having Sonny Bill over is kind of a big deal for me too. Bullshit. You only just asked. I didn't know you had anything on. I didn't know you had anything on. Yeah, but now you do know that we do, dick sack. Hey, calm it down. Gives me the shits. Gives me the shits. It's gonna be OK, yeah? (SIGHS) (SIGHS) Yeah? (SIGHS) Yeah? Yeah. (SIGHS) Thanks, Jerry. Sorry, mate, but you can't just drop in and take Sonny Bill any time you feel like it. Gotta get yourself organised; give us some notice. Fair enough? Five minutes, babe. Five minutes, babe. OK, sweetie. Part of me just wanted to rip into my staff; you know, knock heads. But it's hardly their fault. I don't even know if Lana's poaching my people, or... Does that sound paranoid? Am I reading too much into things? Does that sound paranoid? Am I reading too much into things? It's possible. What? That I'm nuts? Or that Lana's out to get to me? What do you think? What do you think? (SIGHS) It's just like... I'm trying to second-guess what Michelle would do; like I'm someone else ` someone who's trying to be Michelle. (CHUCKLES RUEFULLY) Christ. Listen to that. I sound barking. No. It's understandable. I know I need to moderate my behaviour. (SIGHS) But how can I, when I feel so fuzzy all the time? So, you mentioned a couple of weeks ago you'd changed your medication. So, you mentioned a couple of weeks ago you'd changed your medication. (EXHALES) Same stuff; I just increased the dose. I just increased the dose. Can I see? Sure. David was just a bit worried that I was a bit up-and-down. You take four of these? You take four of these? Yeah, every morning. Is that OK? It's quite high. But I'm not the specialist. Talk to him about how you're feeling. He'll know what to do. Talk to him about how you're feeling. He'll know what to do. He usually does. She makes the rules, and I've got to piss off. It's bullshit. She makes the rules, and I've got to piss off. It's bullshit. Welcome to my world. I'm paying child support. I'm paying child support. Yep. Yeah, and I don't get a say in anything. Yeah, and I don't get a say in anything. Ah, the breeder's dilemma. On the bright side, it's only for the next 18 years or so. Is that supposed to make me feel better? Is that supposed to make me feel better? Jerry wants to be involved. Could be worse. Could be worse. Yeah, but you said it yourself. He's got a bad rep. (SIGHS) Hey, maybe I need to get a lawyer; make everything clear. Hey, maybe I need to get a lawyer; make everything clear. Mm. That's one option. But? Once lawyers are involved, you have to be prepared to spend a lot of money. And you still don't know what way it's gonna go. And you still don't know what way it's gonna go. You see your guys a lot. Oh, that's only cos Jo and I are getting on better these days. Oh, that's only cos Jo and I are getting on better these days. Ever since she lost her stepdaddy. Point is it's better to keep it civilised. Play the long game. Point is it's better to keep it civilised. Play the long game. Yeah. Right. OK. Well, I can do civilised. You know, I don't know if I can run a business and be like this. Which way is that? Which way is that? Just so fuddled ` you know, like my brain is full of porridge. Have you been exercising? Have you been exercising? When I can be bothered. (SIGHS) You know, I was wondering if it could be my medication. Well, it can take a while for the system to adjust. Yeah. Catherine thought it might be a bit high ` the dose. This is your friend Catherine? This is your friend Catherine? She's also my GP ` Dr Duvall. Yes, I know. I just think that if there's any chance that this is messing with my head, now's not a good time. You know, I need to stay one step ahead. And that's the most important thing? And that's the most important thing? Well, I have to keep my business running. Because...? Because...? It's my business. Because...? It's my business. It's also a trigger. (SIGHS) (SIGHS) How do you feel about it right now? (SIGHS) How do you feel about it right now? Angry. (SCOFFS) Just wanna break something. And if you lose? What will happen then? And if you lose? What will happen then? Feel bad; like I'm gonna die. And I don't know why that makes me wanna blub like a baby. And I don't know why that makes me wanna blub like a baby. Hey. You know, maybe it's time to walk away from conflict; try some new strategies. How do I do that? How do I do that? We'll find a way, OK? I promise. All right? Good. Hey, I've got another client in a few minutes, OK? Unfortunately this will have to wait. When can I see you again? When can I see you again? I'll set something up when I can. Let's just take a moment, though, to talk positive strategies, all right? to talk positive strategies, all right? OK. Thanks. Let's do that. What do you want? What do you want? What are you doing here? What do you want? What are you doing here? Packing up some of my stuff. Well, is Courtney about? Well, is Courtney about? No. What? What? Well, do you know where she is? What? Well, do you know where she is? (GROANS) Off with Jerry, probably. At the gym, or hanging out with his bico mates. Bastard. Why's that? Why's that? (SIGHS) Cos he is. This was my flat. And then he's all, like, 'Courtney's the one with the kid. You can find another place.' Hey, you've got a van, haven't you? What really shits me is I'm the reason she met him in the first place. Courtney was all, 'Oh, I never get out. I'm stuck with a kid. His useless dad never helps.' 'Oh, I never get out. I'm stuck with a kid. His useless dad never helps.' Oh, I did a bit. Hey! Ooh-ooh! Take it easy. Take it easy. We got a babysitter and took her to a club, and there was this guy being a total dick and cracking on to me. Jerry? Jerry? No. No. And then the bouncer comes over to sort it. And that was Jerry. Oh, right. Oh, right. Courtney was all upset and wanted to whack the guy. So Jerry started talking to her. Next thing... Hey, do you think my bed will fit in here as well? Next thing what? You know what really shits me? You know what really shits me? What, that he moved in? You know what really shits me? What, that he moved in? He made her go from pizza pig to health Nazi in, like, no time. And she's always trying to impress him. 'Yes, Jerry. No, Jerry. 'What do you say, Jerry?' Ugh. SINGSONGY: Hey, everyone! Afternoon tea. I wanted to thank you all for holding the fort... Oh, no, thanks. ...and doing such a terrific job while I've been a bit unwell. But I'm back now, and I'm keen as ever to make Clean and Handy an industry leader. I'll put the jug on, then. I'll put the jug on, then. Oh, no, just a moment, Naomi. (EXHALES) I know some of our franchisees are feeling a little lost; like head office doesn't give a shit. So it's up to us to show them that we're here for them and that we're gonna offer them the level of support they have a right to expect. Because we're a team, and we're in this together. How? Sorry? How are we going to do all that? By... (CHUCKLES) taking a positive approach; making them feel special; listening to any issues they might have. But,... best of all, by having a party. CELL PHONE RINGS Catherine Duvall. Dr Manning. How can I he`? Now? I suppose so. 1 WHISPERS: I didn't know we had to get dressed up. WHISPERS: We're not going to bed, Ron. We're going out. (ROLLER DOOR RATTLES) (INTRIGUING MUSIC) (IGNITION CLICKS, CAR WHIRRS) (MAN SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE ON VIDEO) Hit it! (CAR POWERS UP) (EXCLAIMS EXCITEDLY) (WHOOPS) # Lazy days... # (MEN LAUGH) Oh my Gawd! Hey! (SCREAMING) Yes, yes. I don't feel well. BOTH: What?! (TYRES SCREECH) (WOMEN LAUGH) There you go. (BOTH LAUGH) (ENGINE REVS) What have you got under the hood, bro? You wouldn't believe me. (TYRES SCREECH, MEN EXCLAIM, CAR WHIRRS) (BOTH LAUGH) (CLICKING) WHISPERS: See you tomorrow. WHISPERS: It is tomorrow. Catherine. Thank you for coming at such short notice. Catherine. Thank you for coming at such short notice. I was on my way home. Come through. Now, can I organise a tea or a coffee? No, thanks. I have a teenager who must be fed. No, thanks. I have a teenager who must be fed. Ah, that must be... Celeste? Yes. Yes. (CHUCKLES) Please, sit. Michelle's mentioned you. She's very fond of you both. Michelle's mentioned you. She's very fond of you both. The feeling is mutual. You've been a good friend to her ` close. You've been a good friend to her ` close. She's also a patient. Yes. I know. She came to see me last year because she was depressed. (SCOFFS) That covers a broad range of conditions. I thought she might be bipolar. Again, not a terribly meaningful diagnosis; more a rag-tag of symptoms under a broad umbrella. Yes, I know. But it was a reasonable place to sta` Yes, I know. But it was a reasonable place to sta` This was before the suicide attempt? That's not really the point. That's not really the point. So you were unable to prevent her from taking such drastic action. I couldn't very well force her to have treatment. I couldn't very well force her to have treatment. No, you probably couldn't. Is that what you wanted to speak to me about? Is that what you wanted to speak to me about? I think it's important to establish our professional parameters. You discussed Michelle's medication with her. I was concerned she was on too high a dosage. I suggested she speak to you. Well, I have a treatment plan that I feel confident will be effective in the long term. Meanwhile, she's having cognitive problems, trouble sleeping` Meanwhile, she's having cognitive problems, trouble sleeping` There is always side effects. > But in the longer term it will, hopefully, prevent Michelle from feeling the need to hurt herself again ` or others. Look, Catherine. (CHUCKLES) I appreciate your concern. But... I wouldn't come into your suburban practice and tell you what antibiotics to give a patient, or appropriate nit treatment. The best thing that you could do for Michelle is be her friend, by all means, but where mental health issues are concerned... I'm sure you understand. The gall of the man! Patronising, rude, condescending arsehole. Are you... pacing? I'm annoyed. You actually pace? I didn't think people did that. It helps. It helps. < (CHUCKLES) Why is that funny? Why is that funny? Well, I didn't know this about you. Cos you've never seen me this pissed off before. It is a high dose. It's reasonable for me to be concerned. Can you do something? I don't know, challenge it? Or complain? Can you do something? I don't know, challenge it? Or complain? Dr Manning's a specialist, and he's on the Medical Council. I might as well try and challenge God. REFLECTIVE MUSIC (SIGHS) Yep. There. So, as the franchisees arrive, we put their name and cards in the draw. OK. Shit. Forgot the prizes. Oh, arrived yesterday. Oh, arrived yesterday. Thank you, Naomi. It was on my list. It was on my list. Oh, still. I really appreciate everything you've done. You've been a rock. Is that straight? Straight enough. Hey, everyone. How's it going? Great! Dig in ` there's plenty. (CHUCKLES) Are you sure the invites went out? Are you sure the invites went out? To the entire Auckland database. Are you sure the invites went out? To the entire Auckland database. And Hamilton? And north as far as Whangarei. And north as far as Whangarei. (SIGHS) Right. Well, obviously we've got some way to go to repair morale. Well, obviously we've got some way to go to repair morale. Looks that way. You know, when this is over, I want names and numbers of every single no-show. But in the meantime, at least everyone wins a prize. I rang every last one of those ungrateful... mothers, and none could give me a good reason why they didn't turn up. < Said it seemed like a waste of time. All of them? All of them? (SCOFFS) Apart from the four that did turn up... that could barely speak English. But I did find out that Lana had called them too. Is Lana the competition? Is Lana the competition? The bitch who said she could give them a better deal. Oh, that's not kosher. > Oh, that's not kosher. > No, it's bullshit. Conniving, back-stabbing... God, where did she get their details from? (SIGHS) Shit. (CHUCKLES) What? I can't be doing this. (CHUCKLES) I have to... I have` You know, Michelle... The old Michelle would have gone in there guns blazing. < But I have to find another way. I have to say you did seem happier a few weeks ago. I thought so too. Hey. It's me. COURTNEY: Oh. Hi, Bri. Hey, so, I was thinking of getting Sonny Bill some new clothes. Hey, so, I was thinking of getting Sonny Bill some new clothes. OK... He's kind of big for his age, eh? If you just get 1-year-old, then he'll grow into them. If you just get 1-year-old, then he'll grow into them. OK. Cheers for that. No worries. Gotta go. No worries. Gotta go. Hey, so, I was, um,... thinking he could come over tonight. thinking he could come over tonight. Uh, not tonight. Why don't I come over and we figure out plans? Something more regular. Why don't I come over and we figure out plans? Something more regular. Brian, now's not a good time. As good as any. As good as any. I'm away, OK? Broadbeach. Where? Where? Queensland. We're... having kind of a holiday. You took Sonny Bill out of the country without telling me? You took Sonny Bill out of the country without telling me? No. No. I'm with Jerry. Sonny Bill's back in West Auckland with Estelle. Who?! Who?! Jerry's mum. Yeah, but` Yeah, but` Look, she's totally great with him, and it's cool, OK? Talk to you when I get back. Laters. BOUNCY MUSIC ON TV No job is too big or too small for Lana's Ladies. If you want that personal touch, call this number for a free, no-obligation quote. I need something new; different. I need my franchisees to feel valued, you know, and appreciated. Most advertising is about the customers, not the employees. But they're not employees. They're franchisees. But they're not employees. They're franchisees. Well, the principle's the same. What Smudge is trying to say is if you increase your customer base, then your franchisees benefit. Everyone wins. What about a new angle, like no-obligation quotes? Sorry? Sorry? And first clean free; on the house. Sorry? And first clean free; on the house. You mean like Lana's Ladies? Uh,... well, I may have seen something... I don't need advice from you on how to be cheap and desperate. Sorry. Sorry. Clean and Handy has always offered a great service and great value for money. I don't need this shit. Oh dear. What happened to pink fluffy elephants and fun? So, how's Anne? Good. Good. Still in Tauranga. Still with Micky. Still lightly operatic. (CHUCKLES) Great. (CHUCKLES) Great. This year it's The Mikado. Well, it's nice to hear from you. Well, it's nice to hear from you. I heard you were back in town. I thought, 'Why not?' Yeah? Yeah? No. That's a lie. I mean, it is nice to see you, but... also... Can I ask what happened with Michelle? Can I ask what happened with Michelle? When? She said you went riding the other week and had a lovely time. Apart from an embarrassing groin injury. Then what happened? Then what happened? Nothing. Is Michelle OK? Yeah, she's fine. I just... Well, you guys were my first attempt at match-making. May not be your forte. May not be your forte. (CHUCKLES) So, what did happen? We had a great day ` or at least I thought so. I gave her a call for a rematch. She said it wasn't appropriate, because she was seeing someone. That's it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah. Me too. So, this new guy ` what's he like? Nobody knows. How was lunch? You know, you should really log out if you don't want other people to access your computer. Can I help you with something? Can I help you with something? Yeah. You could start by telling me why you've been in touch with Lana. What? What? Good friends, are you? She was a franchisee` She was a franchisee` Is that why you sent her out my database?! At least she appreciates people and doesn't yell or scream at them or take them for granted. How d` How d` No, actually, don't worry. I quit. Lana! Lana! You come out here, you stupid bitch! Lana! LANA: Lily! Lily, wait! > Lily! Don't run! > Shit. Shit. Shit. (EXHALES) David, it's me. I need you to call me. Um, I was gonna do something really stupid, and I just feel so bad. (SOBS, SNIFFS) And I need you to call me. Please call me when you get this. Please. (SIGHS) Sorry to drag you away. I just really needed to talk to someone before I went off the rails. It's fine. Celeste has Bella over. I was in the way. Tea? Tea? Ta. Yeah. Who's your friend? (SIGHS) Just a reminder of what a screaming total nutbar I am. What happened? I found out that someone who works for me ` someone who I trust ` has been giving away information to Lana. Oh no. So I went around to confront Lana, and I was gonna throw that through her window. OK. OK. I didn't. That's good. That's good. But I wanted to. And I wanted to hurt her, and I... (SIGHS) I wanted to break something. God, the old Michelle, she would have thrown it. (CHUCKLES) She would have enjoyed it. But I don't know how to be me,... (SOBS) and I don't know what the hell to do with myself any more. and I don't know what the hell to do with myself any more. Hey, it's OK. It's not really. It's not really. It's OK. This is not your fault. Well, there's no one else, sister. No, I mean, I still I think it might be the drugs making you feel bad. No, I mean, I still I think it might be the drugs making you feel bad. I asked David about that, and... I'm not supposed to say anything, but you could half the dose; see how it goes. It might be all you need. Can't be that simple. It doesn't always have to be that complicated. Why don't I run you a bath? We'll order something; watch a movie. Girls' night in. What do you think? You don't have to. You don't have to. I want to. Celeste can have a sleepover with her friend, and I can have a sleepover with mine. No arguments. OK. Bossy. (CHUCKLES) (SIGHS) What time's kick-off? (SIGHS) What time's kick-off? Any time. I recorded it. I still reckon it stinks, leaving my kid with that prick's family. I still reckon it stinks, leaving my kid with that prick's family. Nothing you can do until she gets back, so there's no point stressing about it. until she gets back, so there's no point stressing about it. You don't reckon? We watching, or not? There can't be many Amosas in West Auckland. There can't be many Amosas in West Auckland. What? You're right ` no point sitting here complaining, and we've all heard how PIs like to give their kids the jandal. and we've all heard how PIs like to give their kids the jandal. Only on talkback radio. Well, where there's smoke, mate. Like all Maori are child-abusers? Like all Maori are child-abusers? No, that's racist. You coming? You coming? Where? You coming? Where? To get my kid. Whoa! No, hang on. Hang on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You don't want to anything stupid. Just think about it. Let's just... sit down, have a beer and watch the game. We'll discuss the options. This is a really bad idea. This is a really bad idea. So you keep saying. Might not even be the right house. Might not even be the right house. There's only one way to find out. ESTELLE: Brian. So pleased to meet you. So pleased to meet you. Yeah. So pleased to meet you. Yeah. Please come in. Isn't your boy a little champion? Isn't your boy a little champion? Yeah. So full of smiles, eh? Hey, buddy. (CHUCKLES) The thing is... The thing is... Dad will be home soon. Would you like to stay for dinner? No, I can't stay. I just want Sonny Bill. No, I can't stay. I just want Sonny Bill. Of course you want to say hello. No, I want to take him with me. Look, I'm sure you're nice people, but I don't know you. He's my son, and while his mum's away, I'd rather he come and stay with me. and while his mum's away, I'd rather he come and stay with me. Well, I suppose that's fine. Great. Great. But I'll probably call, just to check. I'm his dad. I'm his dad. I know, but all the same. (SIGHS) OK. No problem. SONNY BILL FUSSES I'll just clean you up, matey. Have you got some wipes? Hello. How's the weather over there? No, listen, Sonny Bill's dad's come over. I know. All right, sweetheart. Talk soon. Right, mate? Come on. You're all right. So sorry, Brian. They want you to wait for him until they get back. What, Courtney said that? What, Courtney said that? No ` Jericho. That's none of his business. That's none of his business. You're more than welcome to come and visit, but that's all I can offer. This is bullshit! This is bullshit! Please, don't talk like that. This... isn't over. It's me again. I know why you're not picking up. You know what I'm gonna say, but it's not good enough, Courtney. Not bloody good enough. Bitch. Bitch. Come on. Let's go. Should call her on your phone. She doesn't know your number. Should call her on your phone. She doesn't know your number. What's the point? So I can abuse her. Bullshit. Brian! Brian, what are you doing? Brian, what are you doing? Just gonna talk ` or something. Hey, uh, wait a sec. Wait up. Heading down to the park? Heading down to the park? BOTH: Yep. Heading down to the park? BOTH: Yep. Good one. Hey, do you mind if I say goodbye to my boy? Hey, do you mind if I say goodbye to my boy? BOTH: Sure. Go for it. Hey, little man. That's it. (CHUCKLES) There you go. Aw. There you go. (CHUCKLES) Hey, little man. Mwah. Say goodbye. Stop! Stop! Shit! Shit! Get back here! > Take him. Take him. Shit, Brian! Take him. Shit, Brian! Quick, take him! BOTH: Mum! Mum! Help! > Mum! Mum! Mum, he's taken Sonny Bill! Mum, he's taken Sonny Bill! Oh my gosh! Get back here! Jesus. Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! MICHELLE AND CATHERINE LAUGH MICHELLE AND CATHERINE LAUGH That was so silly. I think that's the general idea. Did they have to take so long to do what we knew was gonna happen? What? You'd rather they didn't get back together? What? You'd rather they didn't get back together? It would make a nice change. DOOR CLOSES > What was that? Probably just the dogs. I'll go and let them in. I only managed to` Hello. Hello. Hi. Oh my God ` the message. I am so sorry. Right. Well... Right. Well... I'm fine ` honestly. But, now you're here, it'd be really good to talk. Is that OK, Cat? But, now you're here, it'd be really good to talk. Is that OK, Cat? Of course. Um, yeah. I'll just... grab my... Thank you for talking me down. I really appreciate it. Any time. I mean that. Night. Night. Night. DOOR CLOSES > DOOR CLOSES > (EXHALES) That was awkward. I'm sorry. I didn't know who else to call. I was having dinner with my wife and her parents. That's why my phone was off. I'm sorry. I just really needed to talk to someone. What did you tell her? What did you tell her? Nothing about us. (EXHALES) But, you know, I was thinking maybe we shouldn't do this any more. Because? Because? Because I feel worse, not better. When I can't call you, what am I meant to do? I know you're married ` that's the deal. Hey, it's OK. No, it's not OK. It's shit. Maybe I should just see another psychiatrist, so we can just... Maybe I should just see another psychiatrist, so we can just... No. Look, next week I've got to go to Sydney for a conference. I'll be there for three days. Why are you telling me this? Why are you telling me this? Come with me. You know, we could find a nice little boutique hotel. Huh? Hmm? Apart from the keynote address, my time would be all yours. Apart from the keynote address, my time would be all yours. I don't know. I just want to stop feeling this messed-up all the time. Do you understand? Of course I understand. You're stressed and worked-up. You need a good night's sleep. Yeah, I wish. I'll give you something to help you sleep, and then we can talk tomorrow, OK? Here. OK. I'll get you some water. Hey! Hey! Is this all right? Hey! Is this all right? Sure. What happened to girls' sleepover? What happened to girls' sleepover? (GROANS) What happened to girls' sleepover? (GROANS) (GROANS) I was seeing pillow fights and skimpy nightdresses. Dream on. Dream on. CHUCKLES: Oh, I will. Michelle had a visitor ` her psychiatrist. Michelle had a visitor ` her psychiatrist. Oh, house calls. That's dedicated. Possibly. Or... There was something odd about it; something not right. Glass of wine? Glass of wine? Might as well. He let himself in. What, he had a key? What, he had a key? Or knew where to find it. And you think they're on together? And you think they're on together? I don't know, but it's possible. That's not very ethical. That's not very ethical. Not by a long shot. But, whatever I do, I can't see it ending well. I have no proof, so either I get shot down by David Manning or I get shot down by Michelle. Who's to say he wasn't just being a dedicated professional? Or Michelle told him where to find the key. Now, enough craziness. How was your boys' night? (SCOFFS, CHUCKLES) (SCOFFS, CHUCKLES) What? Watched some sport; stole a baby ` no biggie. DOGS BARK OK, my babies. Ready to go walkies? Shall we go walkies? Yeah, shall we go walkies? Come on. DOGS YAP Come on, girls. I'm sorry about last night. I'm sorry about last night. It's fine. I'm sorry about last night. It's fine. Oh, it's not. Gotta sort my shit out and get on top of this. You do seem more positive this morning. You do seem more positive this morning. Oh, yeah, I've had a good sleep. I'm gonna get myself back on track, sort out my business shit, deal to Lana by being better than her and everything's gonna be OK. That's great. Oh, Michelle, I have to ask you something. Oh, Michelle, I have to ask you something. OK. Last night I felt... I... wondered... Is David Manning your mystery man? (LAUGHS) Am I wrong? Am I wrong? If I told you, it wouldn't be a mystery. That's not an answer. That's not an answer. Don't worry about it. Sleeping with a patient is wrong on so many levels. Hey, I'm not some victim here, OK? No one's taking advantage of anyone. I'm a big girl. I know what I'm doing. So thank you for your concern, but let's just drop it. Sure. Sure. < DOGS BARK My sister sent up a few onesies for the baby, but Sonny Bill could have them in the meantime, if you like. Cool ` hand-me-downs. (CHUCKLES) (CHUCKLES) We can do that. Hey, little man, what do you think of that? Oh, he's so adorable. Aw! Aw! You really need a change table. Oh, yep, it's on the list. You wanna give him his bottle? You wanna give him his bottle? Oh, I really should be getting to school, but... OK. Hey! Hey! MICROWAVE BEEPS So, how long have you got him for? So, how long have you got him for? Uh, just a few days. We're gonna sort something more regular. just a few days. We're gonna sort something more regular. That's great. Yeah. Oh, look at you. What's this? KNOCK AT DOOR Coming. Morning. Brian King? Yeah. That's me. We're responding to a complaint about a baby being taken without permission of the mother. Really? Is that baby here? Is that baby here? Yeah, that's right ` my son. Come in. Here he is ` Sonny Bill. And this is my friend Emma. Did you take this baby from his caregiver yesterday afternoon? Did you take this baby from his caregiver yesterday afternoon? No. His mother shot through to Oz and left my son with people I didn't know. So I collected him and brought him home. Uh,... here's the birth certificate, with my name on it. And, in case there's any doubt, here is the DNA test, which I took. If there's anything else I can do, you let me know. If there's anything else I can do, you let me know. Thank you, sir. (EXHALES) You stole a baby? I did what I had to do for my son. (EXHALES) That's... amazing. When do you expect him back? When do you expect him back? I couldn't` Did we have an arrangement? Did we have an arrangement? No. Come in. This concerns Michelle? This concerns Michelle? Yes. I had a disturbing conversation with her earlier today. And? Are you sleeping with her? I'm sorry? I'm sorry? You're in a relationship with Michelle, which I don't need to tell you is inappropriate ` both professionally and personally. Did Michelle tell you this? Did Michelle tell you this? She didn't deny it. Did Michelle tell you this? She didn't deny it. So no. That's why I'm asking you. That's why I'm asking you. (CHUCKLES) Michelle is a very attractive woman; very passionate. She's also emotionally labile and inclined to forming strong attachments ` especially with male figures in her life; especially when seeking their approval. That's not an answer. I'm not surprised she wants you to believe there's something between us. What is surprising is that you would believe her. But, if you'd like to take this further, I'd be happy to defend myself against such an accusation. But you would have to be very sure of your grounds. Thank you for` clarifying the situation. You have a nice day. # What is this # dissatisfaction # I feel? # What is this? # Only pieces of love. All set? All set? Think so. I'm so glad we're doing this. I'm so glad we're doing this. Me too. # Love, love. Sydney shopping ` yay! (CHUCKLES) Sydney shopping ` yay! (CHUCKLES) If we manage to get out of the hotel room. # Love. # My love. # Captions by Richard Edmunds. www.tvnz.co.nz/access-services Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright TVNZ Access Services 2013