It's your mum. It's your mum. No. You remember Mrs Chin. You remember Mrs Chin. Your cleaning lady? Very nice see you again, Emma. I think it's disrespectful to Mum to be seeing someone already. I think it's disrespectful to Mum to be seeing someone already. I'm sorry you feel that way. You do know you can have this all the time? You can move in. You do know you can have this all the time? You can move in. What about Celeste? This woman came up to me and said I had a really fresh look. And she's a model agent. We can be together without living in the same house. We can be together without living in the same house. What if I want more than that? We wanna keep that someone special. I wanna move in. (GASPS) Ooh. You called Brian, didn't you? You called Brian, didn't you? I'm OK. You called Brian, didn't you? I'm OK. Yeah, I've left a message, I've texted him. I've texted him. (SCREAMS) It's a little girl. Constance Wedgewood, this is your daddy. # And the stars came out as the lights went out. # And I could not speak so I had to shout. # And the moon past sadly by. # I'm nervous about the flight. I don't want to be the one with the crying baby. It's New Plymouth ` hardly be in the air. You're gonna be an angel, aren't you, Connie? You're gonna be an angel, aren't you, Connie? I can't believe how big she's got. You reckon? You reckon? Yeah. She's put on lots of weight. Is Rock still on with the cleaner? Is Rock still on with the cleaner? Mrs Chin. Actually, she's moved in. Is Rock still on with the cleaner? Mrs Chin. Actually, she's moved in. Oh, you're kidding? Oh, it's fine. This trip's about this little one meeting her grandad and auntie and cousins, so... Ooh, uh-oh. Puke incident. Ooh, uh-oh. Puke incident. Oh, oopsie. Um, Daddy, could you sort that? Yep. Yep. Ooh, um, I have your casserole dish. Yep. Ooh, um, I have your casserole dish. Oh. Um, actually, I don't. But I can drop it around when I get back. No rush. No rush. Might have to drop it around here. Catherine's moving in. My God. My God. You shackin' up? That's right. That's right. Things just got serious. That's great news, guys. That's great news, guys. Yeah. Good for you. Makes sense. Makes sense. Ooh, that must be Nicky. I would have driven you. I would have driven you. Oh, well, um, Nicky already offered, so... Bye-bye, sweetheart. Bye-bye, sweetheart. Safe travels. Yeah, have a good one. Don't you want to have a goodbye snuggle? Don't you want to have a goodbye snuggle? Eh? Oh, right. Bye-bye, bub. Oh, shoot. Gonna be late. Oh, shoot. Gonna be late. Uh, Brian? Oh, shoot. Gonna be late. Uh, Brian? Eh? Oh, here. Let me. God, he can be such a dick sometimes. God, he can be such a dick sometimes. Yeah, just, um, way he is. Bye. Bye. ALL: Mwah. Good luck for quiz. Good luck for quiz. See ya. See ya. See ya. ALL: Bye! See ya. ALL: Bye! Bye, bubba. Hello, beautiful girl. I'm your Auntie Robyn. She is 100% gorgeous. See, we make good babies in our family. See, we make good babies in our family. Hey, don't get any ideas, darlin'. Well, I can't, can I? He had the chop. Yep. Three'll do us. And I can get my little girl fix from my beautiful niece, eh? Yes, I can. Yes, I can. All right, enough going gaga. Get in the car. Will the boys be at Dad's tonight? Will the boys be at Dad's tonight? Already there ` can't wait to meet their cuz. I can't wait to see them, either. I bet Oscar's almost as tall as me. I can't wait to see them, either. I bet Oscar's almost as tall as me. Yeah, just about. Don't freak out when you see Dad's place. What's wrong with it? What's wrong with it? Let's say Jenny's put a few personal touches around the place. Don't be mean. Don't be mean. How is that mean? Uh, what kind of personal touches? Uh, what kind of personal touches? She makes things ` arts-and-crafts type things. Tell you what else she makes ` bloody good lamb roast. Tucker like that, I can forgive her a few ornaments. None of it as scary as what's in your old room. What? What? Ching Chong Mong. What? Ching Chong Mong. Chris, racist. No. > No. > So racist. I'm a bit lost. I'm a bit lost. Keith, Jenny's son. He's a bit... special. Now, now. You shouldn't talk that way about your stepbrother. Ooh, no. I'm gonna kick your arse, so help me God. Looking forward to it. Looking forward to it. And that little girl is all mine. # I always try to tell myself... # For the first six months, all they do is eat, cry and crap, right? For the first six months, all they do is eat, cry and crap, right? Eh? Babies. I don't get all the fuss. How's it going with Sonny Bill? How's it going with Sonny Bill? Child Services have still got me jumping through bloody hoops. No, Sonny Bill had personality from day one. Whereas, that one... No, Sonny Bill had personality from day one. Whereas, that one... That one? Constance. Constance. Still not a fan of the name, eh? She's so serious and pale. I don't want to hold her. It's like a little white maggot. (LAUGHS) Jesus Christ. I know it's not what I'm meant to say, but... I know it's not what I'm meant to say, but... It'll be OK, mate. Don't worry. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, maybe. Nice to meet you, Amber Jane. Yeah, maybe. Nice to meet you, Amber Jane. Everyone calls me AJ. Hiya. Hey. Brian. Hey. Brian. Hey. Mac. This is Amber Jane, newest member of the Marathon Men. You might recognise her from the kiddie network. You might recognise her from the kiddie network. Kiddie network? Sounds dodge. It's cartoons, kids' news. I was a presenter, but I left to focus on my modelling and acting. Now, you I do know. You do? You do? Aphrodelle. I saw you on Good Morning. You're famous, Mac. You're Mac Delaney from Illuminator. Are you doing a commercial for Aphrodelle? Yeah. That's the idea. Yeah. That's the idea. I'd love to help. After only three days of using Aphrodelle, my orgasms are longer, more intense and multiple. I'm also a writer. I used to do my own links on TKN. What do you think? I'm also a writer. I used to do my own links on TKN. What do you think? It's very good. Uh, we need to get back to our table. The quiz is about to start. BOTH GIGGLE Holy moly, I thought she was gonna take her clothes off and throw you on the table. She wants a job. She wants a job. She wants a shag. < Um, excuse me. Girlfriend. Right here. < Um, excuse me. Girlfriend. Right here. It's OK. I'm perfectly secure. Well, Cory's not. Look at him. this show on the road. Round one ` 'Once Upon a Time'. Question one - 'Which Disney princess sings "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes"?' Oh, how the freak`? Oh, how the freak`? I've got sons. They're not into princesses. Catherine? Catherine? I tended to read Celeste the real versions of fairy tales. Take a guess. Snow White. Emma would have known this ` she's big on girly crap. Did you tell Celeste about the big move? Did you tell Celeste about the big move? Of course. Were there fireworks? This is still Mum's house more than mine. And Mac and I are grown-ups. It's not up to me. It's not up to me. That's true, but I did wanna dis` And it doesn't even affect me, cos I'll be in LA with Dad. OK. OK. It's good. I won't have to feel guilty about you being on your own. Thanks. So she took it disturbingly well. Question two - 'How many years did Rip Van Winkle sleep?' 100? 100? 20. 100? 20. Too easy. Boom. So, she's actually going to go live in LA? So, she's actually going to go live in LA? Maybe. Possibly. Hi. Bye, Dad. Love you. Ooh, wait. I need to speak to... Argh, was that Jules? I need to speak to him. He booked a meeting with the model agents, and they can't wait to see me. That's fine, but what about school? Has he done any research into`? That's fine, but what about school? Has he done any research into`? Mum! Buzzkill much? BRIAN: So Celeste could be the next Rachel Hunter? BRIAN: So Celeste could be the next Rachel Hunter? Oh, don't. Don't worry, I'm sure Celeste won't be marrying Rod Stewart. Don't worry, I'm sure Celeste won't be marrying Rod Stewart. Never say never. Question three - 'What were the first names of the Brothers Grimm?' Shit. Shit. This round is tough. Shit. This round is tough. Rod and Stewart? Oh, shut up, Brian. Tim and Jim Grimm. Johannes. Johannes. Really? Johannes. Really? Nope, guessing. Better than nothing. Better than nothing. Question four ` 'How many sisters did The Little Mermaid have?' Man, I wish Emma was here. Man, I wish Emma was here. Little Mermaid ` how many sisters? UPBEAT MUSIC KIDS YELL Don't kick it over the fence. Well, hello, little girl. Say hello to Grandpa. Say hello to Grandpa. I made something for the baby. Say hello to Grandpa. I made something for the baby. Wow, thank you. Lovely. > Lovely. > Knitting, eh? It's a dying art. Aren't we lucky Jenny's keeping it alive. Aren't we lucky Jenny's keeping it alive. Look, Jen. Isn't she a treasure? Aw, so small. Would you like a hold? Would you like a hold? Oh, later. I'll check the potatoes. I moved a chair into your room so you can breastfeed the baby. Thank you. Thank you. And Robyn borrowed a portacot from a friend. Oh, great. Oh, great. Keith, say hello to Emma. Oh, great. Keith, say hello to Emma. Hi. My son, Keith. Say hello, Keith. How's about I chuck that portacot up for you, eh? How's about I chuck that portacot up for you, eh? Great, ta. I'll grab the sheets and call the boys in. Is she letting you get some sleep? Is she letting you get some sleep? Oh, sometimes. She's a little bit naughty after our 2am feed. I don't believe it. You're an angel. Yes, you are. She looks like Meg, doesn't she? She looks like Meg, doesn't she? I think so. Sometimes she gets this little expression. I just thought I was being silly. No. It's as clear as day to me. You look like your grandmother. Yes, you do. PENSIVE MUSIC a Hey, tea's ready. Hey, tea's ready. Oh, great. You OK? You OK? Yeah. Miss her. Me too. You should eat while this one's behaving. Come on. JENNY: Anyone want more meat? JENNY: Anyone want more meat? Oh, go on, then. Best roast lamb in the Naki. Gonna catch up with anyone while you're back? I thought I'd just hang around with you lot. And I might visit one of the schools. I called the principal last week. Because? Because? Well, I've been considering my future. You're moving back? You're moving back? Rent is cheaper. And Constance gets to grow up with her family. Oh, the boys would love a little girl cousin to kick around. Oh, the boys would love a little girl cousin to kick around. I could babysit. What do you think, Dad? What do you think, Dad? Very interesting idea. Always knew you weren't cut out to be a JAFA. And baby won't be one, either. Everyone's a winner. And baby won't be one, either. Everyone's a winner. Chin-chin. Oh, sorry, Jenny. Jesus, Chris. It's OK. Funny guy. It's OK. Funny guy. Oh no, I wasn't actually... Never mind. TAPS GLASS Jenny and I have some news too. I've asked Jenny to be my wife, and she said yes. Um, that's, um... We should be going. We should be going. Eh? We should be going. Eh? Now, we're going. Boys, in the car. Boys, in the car. BOY: Oh, do we have to? Move it now. Move it now. What about pudding? > Move it now. What about pudding? > BOY: Yeah, what about pudding? Thanks for tea. Awesome. Come on, boys. Catch ya later. Say goodbye, fellas. Say goodbye. Say goodbye, fellas. Say goodbye. ALL: Bye. Well, congratulations. Congratulations, Jenny. Thank you. I go see if, um, Keith wants seconds. I don't know why I'm surprised. Robyn was never gonna take that well. I better go and check on Jenny. OK. So, the truth now? What truth? What truth? How do we really feel about Celeste moving to LA? In some ways it's convenient. We're not getting on well, and` In some ways it's convenient. We're not getting on well, and` ...you're shackin' up with your man. Well, yeah. But can I trust Jules to be a proper parent? (SIGHS) Has he got her at The Viper Room partying every night? (SIGHS) Has he got her at The Viper Room partying every night? Something like that. Honey. He's gonna look after her. And LA will be great. And who knows, maybe she will be our next supermodel. And who knows, maybe she will be our next supermodel. How old is she? 16. 16. 16 is ideal for modelling. She should go for it. Thanks for the advice. But she doesn't need to go to LA to do it. There are heaps of opportunities here. Right. Right. I was 4 when I started. My parents signed me up to a talent agency. At 4? Hmm. Stage mum much? It's really good to start young. I did kids' clothing catalogues, an ad for washing powder, one for biscuits. Tell you daughter, the more experience she has, the better. Tell you daughter, the more experience she has, the better. I will tell her. Or get her to give me a call. I really enjoy empowering young women. Wonderful. Thank you. Wonderful. Thank you. Any time. You're with Mac, right? I am. I am. So lucky. (GIGGLES) Empowering young women to do what? Empowering young women to do what? To use their hair straighteners on high? Honestly, what a ditz. 'What was the name taken by Cardinal Joseph Sarto when he became Pope?' Who would know the answer to that one? Who would know the answer to that one? Well, apparently she does. Next question in 'The Name Game' ` 'Name the Austrian skydiver who made a space jump which broke the sound barrier in 2012'. Shit. Shit. It was all over the news. Shit. It was all over the news. Got sick of hearing about it. Look, Amber Jane knows that one too. She's been writing down all the answers. She's been writing down all the answers. But are they the right answers? The name taken by Cardinal Joseph Sarto when he became Pope was Pius the 10th, or X in Roman numerals. Yes! And another one. Yes! And another one. Told you so. The Austrian skydiver who broke the sound barrier in 2012 with his space jump is Felix Baumgartner. ALL GROAN ALL GROAN Oh yeah, AJ's on fire! She has got to be cheating. She has got to be cheating. How? You remember The Blonde Bombshells? You remember The Blonde Bombshells? She's a ditz. Or she does a good impersonation of one. And the meaning of the name Mary is not, as most of you suggested, virgin or holy. The name Mary means bitter. Bam. Bam. Oh yeah! BOTH CHUCKLE Second equal, we have 'I'm With Stupid' and 'Sex on a Stick'. But tonight's winners, by a mile ` give it up for The Marathon Men! ALL SING: Marathon. Marathon Men! And well done, you. Star of the show. Wow, he's really working it. Not bad, eh? How'd you know the answers, Emma Jane? How'd you know the answers, Emma Jane? Amber Jane. I don't know. I just love knowledge. I was head girl at school and I like to keep up with current affairs. I was head girl at school and I like to keep up with current affairs. If you ever get sick of them, you're most welcome to join our team. you're most welcome to join our team. ANGRILY: Back off, mate. It was just a joke, mate. It was just a joke, mate. Yeah, I know. I should give you guys my card. Cheers. Cheers. My website's there. My showreel's on it if you want to check me out. (LAUGHS) 'Checking me out'. Totally didn't mean it like that. CORY: Should we go? I got a card for the VIP room at Factory. No can do. Yoga at 6am, then a casting. But you'll stay and drink the bar tab, right? But you'll stay and drink the bar tab, right? I'm detoxing at the minute. Good one. So nice to meet you all. Will see you next week. Bye. Bye. Night. Bye. Night. Uh, laters, AJ. Rejected. Rejected. Crash and burn. No. No. Yes. No. Yes. Little bit. She's driven and ambitious ` that's the reason we... gel. You look real gelled right there, buddy. You have to keep your fluids up when you're breastfeeding. You have to keep your fluids up when you're breastfeeding. Thank you. Is she a good feeder? Now that we've got the hang of it. Now that we've got the hang of it. Rock has been very excited ` couldn't wait to see you and baby. If you want anything, I can knit it for her. You have a look at baby patterns, you tell me the number of patterns, I can knit it. That's really lovely, thank you. That's really lovely, thank you. Oh, it's not problem. I like to knit. OK, call me if you need anything. OK, call me if you need anything. Thank you. I'm fine. She was not. She was not. She was. She was flirting with you. She was flirting with everyone. She was flirting with everyone. That is true. She was flirting with everyone. That is true. Except for Cory. Poor him. I think he's a bit head over heels. Poor him. I think he's a bit head over heels. It was very entertaining. Meanie. Meanie. I should go. You should. You should. But... won't have to do this much longer. We won't. Exactly how much longer, do you think? I need to talk to Mum, and we have to start looking for tenants for here. Get a property manager. Get a property manager. But you wouldn't like that. You still wanna move in, right? 'Course. 'Course. Good. Because if you don't want this... I know this perky young presenter/actress/model that'd be all over it. You stud, you. You stud, you. You know it. Good night. Good night. See ya. TV PLAYS Hey, what are you doing up? Couldn't sleep. The curse of old age. One of them. Couldn't sleep. The curse of old age. One of them. (CRIES) WHISPERS: There you are. Any more news about your health? I was supposed to see some specialist, but they keep putting me off. You're wide awake, aren't you, little one. She's normally pretty good, but she had a vaccination last week, so she might be a bit funny. A bit funny, are you? No, you're a good girl. Yes, you are. How's Brian? How's Brian? Oh, you know... OK. Doing his bit? Doing his bit? Yeah, he pops around most days. As much as he can. Pity you two couldn't get things sorted. Pity you two couldn't get things sorted. Yeah. Well. Why don't you go back to bed and get some sleep? Really? Really? Little girl can keep me company and watch the cricket with me. Off you go. Thank you so much. Just wake me if she... if she needs anything, if she cries` We'll be just fine. Now, it may seem that not a lot is happening, but cricket is a great game ` best game in the world, some say. Celeste, if you want a lift to school, you better move it. It's 8 o'clock; why aren't you dressed? It's 8 o'clock; why aren't you dressed? I'm not going. Excuse me. Yes you are. I'm not. I'm not. School is not optional. Get dressed. I will make you toast. I'll get myself there, all right? I'll get myself there, all right? You won't make it. You'll be late. I'll get myself there, all right? You won't make it. You'll be late. Who gives a shit?! OPTIMISTIC MUSIC Oscar, are you out of the shower yet? I'm sorry, but I had to leave before I said something to the bitch. Harry's rugby boots? Harry's rugby boots? Laundry. You kinda didn't need to say anything. She got the message. Not in the laundry. Not in the laundry. Sorry ` back door. Good. I'm glad she did. Jack? Teeth. Go. She doesn't care what we think. She's got what she wanted all along. To marry Dad? To marry Dad? A vulnerable old man with money. Not that much money. Not that much money. It's all relative. Harry, have you got your spelling notebook? Swimming after school? Swimming after school? Togs are already in their bags. Is Oscar dressed yet? She does seem to care about him. She has brought nothing to that relationship. She was his cleaner, for God's sake. Mine? Mine? This one. Mine? This one. Ta. Now she'll marry Dad, and our family home will be passed to her bloody daughter and Ching Chong Mong. Little ears. Little ears. Lunches, you two. Did you hang up your towel? Yes. Yes. It's not really a family home ` we moved so much. It's the place they bought to retire. Mum decorated it and made the garden. And Dad promised. What promise? We talked about a house swap. Mum thought it was silly having all those rooms. While we're scrambling to pay the mortgage on this place. While we're scrambling to pay the mortgage on this place. Well, it's a nice house. The boys are sharing a room ` it's hopeless. The boys are sharing a room ` it's hopeless. All right. In the car, guys. Hey ` say goodbye to Aunty Em. ALL: Bye. ALL: Bye. You have a good day at school. We'd better move, love. We'd better move, love. Yeah, coming. You think I'm a selfish cow. You think I'm a selfish cow. No. But it's up to Dad, isn't it? What if something happened to him? There'd be a stranger and her kids living in Dad's house. Dad's not stupid. He would've made sure it turned out fair. It's already not fair, Em. It's already not fair, Em. < HORN TOOTS It's already not fair, Em. < HORN TOOTS All right, all right! Sorry for putting this shit on you. Sorry for putting this shit on you. Nah, it's fine. It'll turn out OK. Things usually do. Is that what you really think? Try to. Try to. Good luck with that. < DOOR SHUTS Morning. You want anything from the supermarket? You want anything from the supermarket? No, thanks. Bye. Bye. See you soon. You're up and about early. You're up and about early. Yeah. Went to visit Robyn and Chris and the boys. And how are they? And how are they? Busy. It's madness trying to get them all out the door. Robyn a picture of joy this morning, is she? Robyn a picture of joy this morning, is she? She was a bit wound up. She'll give herself an aneurysm. She'll give herself an aneurysm. Yeah, I think she's under a bit of stress. Things are a bit hard financially. Things are a bit hard financially. Chris is a good bloke. Just not ambitious. And the house is a bit small. Robyn mentioned something about them moving into this place. Hell's bells, I'm not in the ground yet. Hell's bells, I'm not in the ground yet. No, she's not thinking like that. I want to make an honest woman of Jenny, and I don't see what's so wrong with that. She's given up a hell of a lot to be with me, you know. Like what? I don't mean to be rude, but she didn't exactly have a lot going on before. It's not a barrel of laughs for her, Emma. What do you mean? What do you mean? She looks after me. And she will look after me when... When what? Long-term, they're talking dialysis. Long-term? Long-term? A year, maybe two. Why didn't you say so last night? This is exactly why I should move down here so I can` I will need a long-term carer. I don't want you uprooting your life. But what if I want to? But what if I want to? Come back. To live, to work, to raise the child. But I don't want you or Robyn giving up everything to be my nurse. I wouldn't be giving up anything. I wouldn't be giving up anything. Look, you both have your own families now. And I've got Jenny. She likes me, and she wants to take care of me, God knows why. I can be a grumpy old coot these days. These days? These days? OK, maybe not a lot has changed. I know we did talk about Robyn having the house, but that was before your mother... This is my house, and I will make sure that Jenny and her kids are taken care of. CELL PHONE RINGS Hello, Michelle. Hello, Michelle. How's Celeste? She's vile this morning, actually. Why? You haven't seen Facebook, have you? You haven't seen Facebook, have you? I don't do Facebook. You know that. You haven't seen Facebook, have you? I don't do Facebook. You know that. Catherine, you need to see Facebook. What? What? It's bad. Very bad. Jules got married? Sure as hell looks like it. Sure as hell looks like it. He never said anything ` to me or Celeste. And he thought he'd announce it to the world and his daughter on Facebook. Not the world ` just his Facebook friends. You're friends with Jules on Facebook? You're friends with Jules on Facebook? Yes. Why? Why? Because he asked me. Why? Because he asked me. But you're not friends. Facebook friends aren't real friends. You stalk them if you're bored. Anyway, he didn't put the photo up; bridie did. Jules is tagged in Suzie's photo, which means his Facebook friends can see the photo, even though he didn't put it up. My God. He got married. Prick, right? Prick, right? Thoughtless, selfish prick. Jules, I need to talk to you. No more avoiding my calls. Ring me back. CELL PHONE RINGS Shit. It's him. Shit. It's him. Give him hell. Shit. It's him. Give him hell. Don't you worry, I will. Jules, hello. Excuse me, what are you doing? I'm planting some veggies ` some lettuce` I'm planting some veggies ` some lettuce` No! Not there. That's Mum's freesia bed. Not there. That's Mum's freesia bed. There's nothing there. There are bulbs. They come up every year. Mum always looks forward to them. I can't see anything. You'll have to take those out. You'll have to take those out. What? You'll have to take those out. What? Take them out. Now! You can't plant them there! What are you doing? What are you doing? This is not your bloody garden and you've got no bloody right! 1 WHISPERS: I didn't know we had to get dressed up. WHISPERS: We're not going to bed, Ron. We're going out. (ROLLER DOOR RATTLES) (INTRIGUING MUSIC) (IGNITION CLICKS, CAR WHIRRS) (MAN SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE ON VIDEO) Hit it! (CAR POWERS UP) (EXCLAIMS EXCITEDLY) (WHOOPS) # Lazy days... # (MEN LAUGH) Oh my Gawd! Hey! (SCREAMING) Yes, yes. I don't feel well. BOTH: What?! (TYRES SCREECH) (WOMEN LAUGH) There you go. (BOTH LAUGH) (ENGINE REVS) What have you got under the hood, bro? You wouldn't believe me. (TYRES SCREECH, MEN EXCLAIM, CAR WHIRRS) (BOTH LAUGH) (CLICKING) WHISPERS: See you tomorrow. WHISPERS: It is tomorrow. a She was ruining Mum's freesia bed. Sleep deprivation can do funny things to a person. I remember what Meg was like when Robyn was a baby. She used to cry at the drop of a hat. I learned very swiftly` I learned very swiftly` Just don't. Mum planted those bulbs because one of her favourite things was seeing them every spring, but nobody cares. You promised you would never forget her and you would always love her, but you're... you're wiping her out. WHISPERS: Emma. WHISPERS: Emma. I need to go check on the baby. < (CRIES) Shh. Mummy's here. Hey. Shh, Mummy's here. (CONTINUES CRYING) Shh. It's OK. Hey. WHISPERS: Hey. Yeah. It's OK. Piss off. I said go away. Go! (CRIES MORE LOUDLY) WHISPERS: I'm so sorry, darling. When he didn't return my calls, I thought he was avoiding my questions, but no, he was busy off getting married. Fast work. Fast work. Suzie. She was his ex. Young enough to be his daughter. And Celeste knows? And Celeste knows? Oh, it gets worse ` the new wife has got a part in a TV show they're shooting in Canada; they're moving to Vancouver. So suddenly Celeste just doesn't fit into his plans any more. So suddenly Celeste just doesn't fit into his plans any more. Shit. He promised her. He promised. He had the nerve to say it was never set in stone, that it was no big deal. Oh, come on. It is to Celeste. It is all she can think about. What does this do for our plans? Now is not a great time to move in. Now is not a great time to move in. No. No, I guess not. I'm sorry. Selfish bastard. What'd you ever see in him? What'd you ever see in him? I have no idea. Hey. Hey. Hi. Corn chips. Sour cream. Thought we could make nachos. Cool. I spoke to Jules. Did you tell him congratulations? Did you tell him congratulations? Oh, sweetheart. I don't even care. Why didn't he want me at his wedding? I don't think it was all that planned. He said it was a spur of the moment thing. I'm gonna be there in like a month. He could have waited. What? Um, your dad's plans have changed. I'm so sorry. He's not gonna be living in LA himself, so... Oh, come here. Hey, hey. Can't you put that in the outside bin? It's only number ones. It's only number ones. It's unhygienic in the kitchen. What did you say to Keith? You upset him. No, he upset me. He keeps watching me while I'm breastfeeding. He's never seen it before. He doesn't mean any harm. He's never seen it before. He doesn't mean any harm. It makes me feel uncomfortable. He's got problems. He doesn't understand. You're a teacher ` you must have seen a special-needs kids before. I'll tell him to leave you alone, but maybe you can make an effort as well. Sure. How's things? How's things? I'm sorry, Dad. I just... I wanna go. I'll stay at Robyn's tonight and change my flight to tomorrow. I'll stay at Robyn's tonight and change my flight to tomorrow. Why? I just want to. I'm sorry. All right, then. Run away. Again. Pardon? You ripped her veggies up? I was a mad woman. I was a mad woman. Oh my God. I was a mad woman. Oh my God. Throwing bulbs and soil around. Well, she needed to be told. It's not her house. I even told Ching Chong Mong to piss off. Oh, shoot. I just called him Ching Chong Mong. It's a good name. It's a good name. It's racist. It's a good name. It's racist. You told him to piss off? He kept on looking at me and then Mrs Chin had a go at me about it, and Dad's obviously on her side. If he's too stupid to see what's going on around him... If he's too stupid to see what's going on around him... I hate fighting with him. It's not your fault he's hooked up with a grasping cow. It's not your fault he's hooked up with a grasping cow. He says she'll look after him. We can get him a nurse. I mean, if it comes to that. Is that a good idea? We got him a cleaner and look what happened. Is that a good idea? We got him a cleaner and look what happened. BOTH LAUGH Hey, how do you stop your cleaner from giving you blow jobs? Ew. Ew. How? Ew. How? Marry her. It's not even funny. It's not even funny. It's totally lame. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and good night. Why did he tell me I was running away? Was it about Brian? Why did he tell me I was running away? Was it about Brian? Who knows? I mean, he never even liked Brian. I mean, he never even liked Brian. Maybe he likes solo mothers even less. Chris, get the boys in to set the table. Chris, get the boys in to set the table. Boys! Come and set the table! I could've done that. I could've done that. Why didn't you, lazy so-and-so? Right. Forks. Knives. There you go. How'd I do? How'd I do? Not bad, actually. SINGS: Hello? Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Present. (CLEARS THROAT) What it is? What it is? Open it. And try not to scream. Argh! Argh! Whoa. Karen Walker! Yeah. The real deal. Try them on. Yeah. The real deal. Try them on. OMG. They look expensive. And high. They look expensive. And high. Mm. Mm. They are hot. Mm. They are hot. I love them. Thank you! Ooh. Honey, when a man lets you down, there's always shoes. ALL LAUGH ALL LAUGH And, sadly, they will let you down. Over and over... I'm starting to get that idea. Have you seen my shoe rack? That's a wardrobe full of evidence that men are bastards. Or bozos. Or both. Yes. Jules is still Celeste's father. Yes. Jules is still Celeste's father. Dad can be a bit of a dick, though. Celeste. Celeste. Well, he married Suzie. And she's like... Like what? Like what? She was talking about this camera test for a film about World War I, and she said World War 'I'. Ugh, she said the 'I'. Ugh, she said the 'I'. She totes said the 'I'. She's quite dumb. Yeah, clearly your father is not thinking with his brain. Yeah, clearly your father is not thinking with his brain. Thank you, Michelle (!) (SIGHS) Well, I better leave you to it ` school night and all. (SIGHS) Well, I better leave you to it ` school night and all. School. Oh... What's wrong with school? Besides homework and Roman sandals. Some of my friends thought I was lying about LA. And the model agent. Now they'll be all, 'Told you'. Well, you tell them to go eff themselves. Or... Or... CELL PHONE RINGS Or... CELL PHONE RINGS Ignore them. And rise above it. Or do that. Rise above it (!) Bye! Bye! Bye. Hello. Hello. Cat. It's Cory. Hello. Cat. It's Cory. I know. I've got something to tell you. I've got something to tell you. Yes? I've got something to tell you. Yes? Not over the phone. OK. OK. When can you meet me? Bearing in mind that it's urgent. For both of us. That should do it. That should do it. It's fantastic. Hi. Can I help you? Yeah, I'm actually just after Mac. Yeah, I'm actually just after Mac. Did we have a meeting? Yeah, I'm actually just after Mac. Did we have a meeting? Oh, I love this place. WHISPERS: Shit. WHISPERS: Shit. Hello, Mac. Remember me? Of course. Hi. Of course. Hi. Hope you don't mind me dropping in. I'm Amber Jane. AJ. Charmed. Charmed. This is Smudge, my business partner. Charmed. This is Smudge, my business partner. Oh, I'm so sorry ` interrupting the genius at work. interrupting the genius at work. You can stay. I'd love to, but I just wanted to drop this off. My showreel ` in case you didn't have time to visit my website. Oh, um, OK. But we're not really doing any casting at the moment, so... But you never know what's around the corner, right? Right. Right. So keep it on file. Then you can look at me whenever you want to. I should never have brought her to pub quiz. I should never have brought her to pub quiz. She was very good. You won. Who cares? Who cares? OK. Cat, I don't know how to tell you this, but... Mac's treading on my toes. Sorry? Him and AJ. There's something going on. Him and AJ. There's something going on. There is nothing going on. You're in denial. You're in denial. No. I didn't want to see it at first, either. I was just about in. Bit of flirting. Lot of this... Large amount of laughing at my jokes, even the ones that weren't funny. I was in. But then AJ gets one look at Mac and she goes cold. But then AJ gets one look at Mac and she goes cold. No more laughing at your jokes? You're not taking this seriously. You're not taking this seriously. Because you're wrong. She's got her eye on the main chance. Mac's got bloody Aphrodelle. I've been looking for something to put her in, to turn her head, but... Wouldn't she just be using you? Wouldn't she just be using you? So? It'd be mutual. What? What? Well, she uses me, I use her. It's called a relationship. You really think Mac is gonna be able to say no to a woman like AJ? She has her own brand, you know. She has her own brand, you know. Hmm. She is very positive. So you see what I'm saying? So you see what I'm saying? I do. Have you got AJ's card on you? She gave me one, but I... lost it. You're gonna do the full Jolene on her. You're gonna do the full Jolene on her. The what? 'Please don't take mah man'. (LAUGHS) You go for it, Cat. < KNOCK AT DOOR Morning. Morning. Morning. Thought I'd wait till the coast was clear. Thought I'd wait till the coast was clear. Yeah, everyone's at work and school. Just me, the unhinged garden-wrecker. (LAUGHS) On that note, I thought you might like to take some of these home for your garden. When you've got one. Baby asleep? Baby asleep? She had a bit of an unsettled night, so she's catching up now. I thought you might like this for her. It was yours. Oh, yeah. Mum would give me a new charm each birthday. You'll always have a home with us, Emma. You'll always have a home with us, Emma. Yeah, I know that. I'm worried about you ` about what you're going back to in Auckland. I'm worried about you ` about what you're going back to in Auckland. I'm fine. I've got a nice place. You've got a room in someone else's house. Nicky's happy to have me as long as I need. You're on your own. It's hard enough having a baby even with a partner. I'm doing OK. I mean, it's not what I always dreamt about, but it's the way it is. You can't reconsider you and Brian? I just... No. I can't forgive him. Still on with this woman, is he? Still on with this woman, is he? Well, he was never on with anyone, he just... But you left him because he was unfaithful. But you left him because he was unfaithful. Well, sort of. He nearly slept with someone. Nearly? Nearly? He would've, if his friend hadn't been there. I... I don't really want to go into details, Dad. So he wasn't unfaithful. So he wasn't unfaithful. Well, it was still cheating. The point is I can't trust him any more. So you've thrown everything away because of something that nearly happened? Would you rather I turned a blind eye? I know some women do, but it's not the kind of relationship I want. Life's not a goddam fairy tale, Emma. I grew up with parents who loved each other, were each other's best friend. Why shouldn't I have that? Robyn's got it with Chris, and you and Mum had it. Robyn's got it with Chris, and you and Mum had it. Things aren't always as they seem. What? Chris? What? Chris? No, it's nothing to do with them. I will love your mother till the day I die. But things weren't always rosy. I was away a lot, and, as you know,... Meg got lonely. Mum did something? Mum did something? She met someone. No. No. She even left for a while. Oh, you wouldn't remember. A while? A while? A few weeks. And when she wanted to` A while? A few weeks. And when she wanted to` Stop it. I don't want to` And when she wanted to come home, I took her back, because we had a family. Wasn't about me or my hurt feelings. We made it work because that's what you do for your kids. It's what you bloody well do. Right. I get it. Right. I get it. Do you? Because you're right ` you kids had a happy life. Meg and I made sure of that. And that little girl of yours in there ` she deserves the same. You need to harden up. Grow up, Emma, because you're somebody's mother now. Glad you could make it. Glad you could make it. No worries. Amber Jane, this is Celeste. Celeste, Amber Jane, who I was telling you about. Hi. Hi. So cool to meet you, Celeste. Your mum says you want to be a model. Yes. Yes. And so you should, babes. You are stunning. And tall, too ` that is good. And tall, too ` that is good. Tea? And tall, too ` that is good. Tea? If you have herbal. I do. I do. Let's have a look at your photos. Then we can talk agencies. It's really important to get the right representation. It's really important to get the right representation. Right. Ooh. Honestly, with your look, you could go all the way. Oh, these are great. Look at you here. This is perfect. We'll get you out of JAFA land one of these days. Actually, I'm not so sure about that any more. Oh, don't be like that, Em. We'll sort things out with Dad. Oh, don't be like that, Em. We'll sort things out with Dad. Oh, I know, but... I dunno. Maybe I've gotta not run away. Whatever you decide. Don't be a stranger, OK? I won't. I won't. Anything you need, just call. I won't. Anything you need, just call. Thanks. Remember this face, Constance. Auntie Robyn. Auntie... Bossy Auntie. LIGHT ROCK MUSIC So, obviously, we'll get rid of all the junk. And if you wanna paint it or whatever... I could fit a couch in here. When can we move in? We may be able to talk about that over dinner. We may be able to talk about that over dinner. Sure. But this is awesome. UPSTAIRS: Yes! UPSTAIRS: Yes! UPSTAIRS: Oh, she whipped your ass. UPSTAIRS: Yes! UPSTAIRS: Oh, she whipped your ass. UPSTAIRS: No way. How about that? Happy families. How about that? Happy families. Mm. Is it just me, or is it too easy? Life doesn't always have to be hard. Sometimes things work out. I love you. I love you. I love you. And if we can't stand the sight of each other after three weeks? And if we can't stand the sight of each other after three weeks? I'll give AJ a call. Kids, dinner's ready! Kids, dinner's ready! She is a hard woman to say no to. She doesn't have your wealth of caution, or your stock of deprecating remarks, or sharp interest in ethics. or sharp interest in ethics. She's young and pretty, and she fancies you. So you better hurry up and move in so you can keep an eye on me. Kids, dinner! Think I better. Whipping Cats ` they're an Auckland band. Haven't you heard of them? Whipping Cats ` they're an Auckland band. Haven't you heard of them? (LAUGHS) What would he know? He used to only have one CD. Sit down, you lot. Sit down, you lot. Least my one CD was not 'Broadway Show Tunes'. I love show tunes. I love show tunes. Tragic. This looks great. Don't wait ` there'll be none left. Don't wait ` there'll be none left. Calling me a pig? Don't wait ` there'll be none left. Calling me a pig? You are a pig. Here, I'll show you some real music on my iTunes. Here, I'll show you some real music on my iTunes. He doesn't even have Les Mis. ALL GROAN ALL GROAN Just stop, please. ALL GROAN Just stop, please. (LAUGHS) # Ooh. # Ooh. # Without you. # Ooh. # Ooh. # Ooh. # Without you. # Ooh. # Ooh. # Ooh. Thank you. # Ooh. # Ooh. # Ooh-ooh. Nicky? # Without you. (CRIES) # Without you. # Captions by Ashlee Scholefield. Edited by Jessica Boell. www.tvnz.co.nz/access-services Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright TVNZ Access Services 2013