Father, I've been sleeping with a prostitute. Look, this really isn't working for me. The dress, the suits, the invitation, the catering ` turns out there's a million things you have to do for a wedding. Father, I've been sleeping with a prostitute. Phineas and Carol are calling it quits. If you guys aren't together, then maybe we can hang out a bit more often. It's like we're married again. Except then I get to zip up and go back to Theresa, so. I hear you kicked Ted out. So, you reckon you'll be coming home soon? Why? Did your mother say something? Here. Could use some company. Copyright Able 2018 (ROCK MUSIC) Think you could put on the Chewbacca outfit just on your own. (LAUGHTER) Westside. Brought to you by The Rock. (RECORD PLAYER CRACKLES) (SNORES SOFTLY) (RECORD PLAYER CRACKLES) (OMINOUS MUSIC) (WATER RUSHES) (SIGHS) Jesus, the state of you. (SIGHS) (URINE TRICKLES) (SHOWER RUNS) (OMINOUS MUSIC INTENSIFIES) Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! What? (BREATHES RAGGEDLY) What the f...? Is that blood? (SHOWER RUNS) Jesus, Joseph and Mary. I came in, I turned the shower on, and then... I saw her. You turned the shower on? I wasn't looking! (TAP SQUEAKS) Is she dead? She doesn't look very fucking alive. Christ Almighty. What the fuck happened here? (PANICKED BREATHING) Fuck. OK, all right, calm down! Shit, man. Shit! Lefty, calm the fuck down! Then get on the phone. Call the pigs. Why do I have to call them? It's your girlfriend, your house. I didn't kill her. Make the call. Thank you. I'll get back to you. Never. (GROANS) Why are things so fucking complicated? Mine wasn't. Did it in a registry office. Well, that sounds like the least romantic thing I've ever heard. What does romance have to do with marriage? Are they my smokes? Nup. They bloody are so. If you're gonna be a smoker, buy your own. I'm just a social smoker. There's one left. Pretty fucking social (!) (CHUCKLES) I'll pay you back. $2.23, thank you, Slutty Pants. One, two... Three. I expect change. Don't count on it. God, why does everything have to be so expensive? Alcohol, food, decorations, the bloody wedding cake. I could probably source some of those things for cheap ` or for nothing. Fuck off, Eric. I'm not having the police turn up on my wedding day. Just have the bloody thing in our backyard. The 'bloody thing' is a wedding, not a Saturday night piss-up. I thought all weddings were piss-ups. Exactly. A party's a party. There's no point in getting wound up. And, uh, is Ted coming to this party? I imagine so. Excuse me, Detective Inspector Sterling. Constable Brent Grant. What is it, Constable? Do you know whose place this is? Russell Munroe, is the name I was given. Lefty Munroe. Lefty? You'll have heard the stories. Him and Ted West and their gang? I don't usually deal with petty crime, Constable Brent. It's Grant. Brent Grant. And it's not petty crime any more, is it? Now it's homicide. What a damn shame. Do you know her, Constable? Um,... yeah. Well, I-I think. Pretty sure she's Lefty's girlfriend. Was. Does she have a name? I don't know. I mean, yeah, she'll have a name, of course. I just, um` I don't know what it is. Shit. Go outside, Constable. Right. (FLASH CLICKS) Deering. Theresa Deering. Says here her name's Kylie. No. Kylie Theresa Deering. Uh,... I only knew her as Theresa. And you'd be...? Russell Munroe. And you found the body? Yes. And she's not 'the body', she's` she was my girlfriend. Your girlfriend Theresa or Kylie. What time did you find her? I've already told the other cops. About 9 this morning. She was in the bath with the shower running. No, no. I turned the shower on. I didn't know she was there. I didn't look. You know what it's like first thing in the morning, Detective, when you're half asleep. (TENSE MUSIC) We'll continue this at Henderson, eh? You want to get married in Rita West's backyard? I don't want to, but beggars can't be choosers. Our family are not beggars, Cheryl. It'll stunt your growth. And you already know that Millers get married at St Agnes'. It's family tradition, and it's free. You just have to give a donation to the church. I don't think Wolf's gonna be into it. Oh, and he's paying for it all, is he (?) (SIGHS) Look, just tell those people that if the wedding happens at St Agnes', it'll be covered by me. You don't have any money, Mum. I'll find some. I'll get a loan off Grandma Miller, whatever it takes. Why? Tradition. And, I'll be buggered if any daughter of mine has a wedding funded by stolen money, thank you very much. (TENSE MUSIC) Separate rooms, thanks. Hey, so you know this whole wedding venue thing? Not really. Like, where to actually get married. Wherever you want. OK, then. St Agnes'. Done. Whoa, hey, is that a church? Yep. No fucking way, bub. You just said wherever I want. Yeah, but a church? That's not us. What about a registry office? I'm not getting married in a bloody registry office. No offence, Rita. I'm going to work. See you later. It was good enough for my olds. In case you haven't noticed, your dad doesn't even live here. They like drama. He'll be back. It's gotta be somewhere that means something. Then let's have it here, in the backyard. But what about tradition? We'll start a new fuckin' tradition. We're not hypocrites, Cheryl. You don't even believe in that stuff. No. I don't. Unless, of course, it means a free wedding, in which case hell, yeah, I believe. So just say yes so we can finish what we were doing. If you're after more of the same, you'll be very disappointed, Rita. Yes, Mary is still down south, but I have been suffering. Catholic guilt. Get over yourself, Danny. What? You're not here to have your wicked way with me? I'm not nearly wasted enough. That is just cruel. Here on business. Paperwork from Inland Revenue for my 'employees'. Righto. Can I interest you in a Bloody Mary? Or something stronger? What about your Catholic guilt? Guilty of one sin; may as well go all in. And Ted's still absent from the marital home? (SIGHS) Actually, I think I will have that Bloody Mary. (BROODING, TENSE MUSIC) Excuse me, Detective Inspector Sterling. Mm-hm? Constable Riana Adams. About Ted West and his mates ` I know them quite well. Do you? Yeah. So if I can help in any way... Did you know the victim? Theresa Deering? Yeah. Theresa is` was Lefty Munroe's girlfriend and a working girl for Danny Peters. Oh, I see. I suppose we started drinking 10, 11 o'clock. Last night? In the morning. (EXHALES NOISILY) Call that breakfast. About midnight I went to bed. Yeah. That's a 12-hour drinking session. And I feel like shit. The point is I went to bed first. I dunno what happened after that. (LAUGHS DRUNKENLY) Whoo! PHINEAS: Do I want a lawyer? Do I need a lawyer? Maybe. I don't remember nothing. (ROCK MUSIC SWIRLS) No, I don't need a damn lawyer, because I didn't do anything. That you can remember. - (YELLS) - (ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) I didn't black out, I fell asleep. LEFTY: There were other people there. Bert Thompson. And Bilkey. Have you got them in here? You think they might have something to do with Theresa's death? I don't know what to think, Detective. I'm just telling you who was there. Was Theresa there? Some of the time. Eh? Ohh! Fuck, Phineas. That's, like, four in a row! Hey, hey, hey, hey. Idiot. Come on, have a drink. Have a drink, Theresa. Just one, then I have to go. Let's go, boys. Let's go. So it was all just good fun? Some mates having some laughs? Uh... BILKEY: All I'm saying is ` is that it? Are we done? Who's we? The gang, Ted. I mean, what're we actually doing? Getting pissed. Yeah, are there any jobs? You know, we seem to be just sittin' around. Well, there's a lot to be said for sitting around. Something'll turn up. Nah, we've lost it, boys. I mean, this year's just been one fuck-up after another. Fuck you, nancy. Have a good afternoon, boys. See ya, Theresa. LEFTY: Bye love. Where does Theresa work? Eh? What does she do? She was a student, I think. Studying what? Uhh... no. You live with her? No, I'm staying with her` Because my wife, we're currently... (SCOFFS) She didn't deserve this. Theresa. She was a sweet girl. You got a thing for her, Ted? What? Your mate's girlfriend. The last time I saw her, she was in a bathtub full of her own blood with holes in her chest. So, what, I'm not allowed to feel anything about that? What are we doing? Fresh air. Oh, look. St Agnes'. Wanna go inside, check it out? Nah. You already said yes to getting married here. You coerced me. Look, I am trying to keep peace between our fucked-up families. It'd be really good if you could even just pretend you were helping with that. (MAN WOLF-WHISTLES) I mean, for Mum to say she's gonna pay for the whole wedding... That's huge. We don't need her money. Yes, we do. Plus it's... You know, it's more traditional, doing it in a church. Kind of makes it more real. 'Doing it' in a church? I like the sound of that. Oi, hands off, buddy. Maybe you could coerce me. Or maybe I'll say yes again. I've never done it in a church. I'll get struck down or something. (CLEARS THROAT) Oh, shit! Fuck! Sorry, shit` shoot. I meant shoot. Cheryl Miller. Nice to see you in church again. Hello. Cheryl's fiance, I hope. Well, yeah, yeah. Wolf, this is Reverend Cockburn. Reverend Cockburn, Wolfgang West. My actual fiance. I can see you're very eager to marry this young lady. Yep. Yep. He was so nice! I thought he was gonna ban us from the church at first. You are such an evil temptress, always getting your wicked ways. (DOOR BELL DINGS) (OMINOUS MUSIC) We haven't had any new stock in since your last visit, so you're wasting your time. Rita around? No. Are you expecting her in today? Is there anything I can help you with, Riana? Has she heard already? Heard what? About the death. Did she finally deal to Ted? Is that actually what you think about your friend? You've met her. Your blokes ` Ted, Phineas, Lefty` Lefty's not my bloke. ...they've all been hauled into the station this morning. Homicide. For murder? (SCOFFS) I doubt it. Someone we both know is dead, Ngaire. And she died at your ex-husband's place. She? Theresa? (DOOR BELL DINGS) (PHONE RINGS) Hello. Who's this? Constable Brent Grant. Who's this? So, she came to all these parties, all the social occasions, and you never once asked her what she did? Well, you know what parties are like. Men talk about their business, women talk about their business. You know, cooking and whatnot. A prostitute? (CHUCKLES) Don't know where you're getting that information. Come on, we both know that she was working for Danny Peters. And I'm not judging. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Unless you truly didn't know, and when you found out you couldn't handle that fact. Yes, all right, I knew what Theresa did and I was cool with it. Really? It wasn't hard for you sharing her with all those strangers? It didn't mess with your mind that when your lady goes to work` And when she was with me, she was with me. Except when your mates took advantage. It's true. I... did it with her. Uh-huh. But I paid for it, so it doesn't count, does it? Phineas? Well, yeah. It didn't bother you? No. Because it was a... business transaction? Yeah. SOBS: She listened to my problems. And, man, I've got a lot of problems. OK. I can't impregnate my wife. Have you ever heard of lazy sperm? Um... She was too good for that game. She could've been anything she wanted. (SNIFFLES) She would've made a good mother. Anything else you want to tell me about your relationship with Theresa? We didn't have a relationship. What about Ted? Theresa never went with Ted. You're gonna deny it, Mr West? (GROANS) Oh, that's right. Thanks. Needed that. Can I have the cash now? Right. I don't give freebies to Lefty's mates, Ted. Even when they deserve one. I'm a bit skint at the minute. (LAUGHS) An IOU? Yeah, and that right there, is my official signature. Is that your signature? Yes. 'IOU for one fuck.' I'd hardly call that a relationship, would you? You and Ted go back a long way. And there he is, screwing your lady. Must hurt. Looks like just business to me. Nobody else knew about it. I didn't think it was a big deal. Except that you're a married man. Would it be a big deal if your wife found out? Or if maybe Theresa threatened to tell her? Oh yeah? And why would she do that? Money? She did well out of your buddies. Well, I think we'll leave it there for now. We've got a waiting room. We'll get you a sandwich or something. You two as well? Yeah, got dragged out of bed to give a statement. What the fuck happened, Ted? I don't know. Someone managed to come into the house with you two and Lefty in it, and stab Theresa to death? That appears to be what occurred, yeah. And you didn't notice anything? How does that happen, Ted? I don't fucking know, OK? We were blind drunk. Phineas was out cold when I left. You all right? (TENSE MUSIC) Phineas and Carol are calling it quits. ERIC: You rooted in a church? Dear Lord. Nah, we didn't root in a church. We got interrupted. By Jesus our Lord sending lightning bolts to stop you from disrespecting his house? By the Father dude. The Holy Father, our Lord? Nah, by the priest dude. Cockburn. What? Not Reverend Cockburn? Yeah, him. Were you at St Agnes'? Yeah, that's the one. Cheryl's family church. Except they're about as religious as my bum. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) (LAUGHTER) You can't get married at St Agnes'. Not if you had sex there. I can't go there. Memories. Not good. Very, very bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad memories. When I was little, me and Anne-Marie, Mum sent us to the Sunday School there. Before she moved to Kings Cross and became a whore. Is this about bad touching? No, the Sunday school teacher told us that we would go to hell and burn for all eternity if we were naughty. Sounds like a pretty hard out Sunday school. Oh, and I was naughty. I used to steal milk tokens, drink straight from the cordial bottle and put it back in the fridge. I used to pick my nose and stick the boogers in the power-points` Yeah, we get the idea Sparky. So I thought I was gonna go to hell and burn for all eternity. And this frightened you. No, I thought it sounded really interesting. So I drew a picture of what I thought it would be like to` Burn for all eternity, yes. And when I showed the pictures to the teacher, she said I was evil and she beat me with her shoe. Is that it? You got a hiding 10 years ago and now you can't go back to the same place? It hurt! That same teacher probably isn't there, Sparky. I can't. I can't set foot in that church ever again. CHERYL: Why the fuck not? What's wrong with it? Because if we get married at the St Agnes' church, Sparky can't come. Because...? Traumatic memories. He was beaten by one of the Sunday School teachers there. Sparky went to Sunday School at St Agnes'? Yeah, for a bit. Wait, you didn't see him there? Do I look like I went to Sunday school? We went at Christmas and for christenings, and that's about it. So it's not a big deal if we don't get married there. Yes, it's a big deal ` to my Mother, who's bankrolling this. Is it so important Sparky's there? He's my friend, Cheryl. And he's my weird foster brother or something. Well, he can come to the after-match. He's been there for me since we were 14. And there's... You know. What? Well, his old man got his head blown off on one of Dad's` Do we have to talk about that again? Look if Sparky can't come to the church for my wedding, then neither can I. (SCOFFS) Does it matter where we get married? Let's just have the wedding, get pissed, have a big fucking party. Doesn't have to be a drama, Cheryl. Cool. Ace. It's been a heck of a ride with Ted, but... it just feels like it's all downhill from here. Downhill's the easy part. I don't want easy. I don't want a man in fuckin' tracksuit slacks. How the fuck did that happen? Do you know what it sounds like to me? He's having a midlife crisis. No, he's not. You are. Fuck off! Ted's just given up. You're the one out dancing all night, starting affairs. Danny, this is not an affair. I've seen it all before. You hit middle age, you panic. I'm not worried about getting older. Getting older means that you've survived. Midlife crisis, Rita. (KNOCK AT DOOR) Dad? Come on in, Hayden. Cops. Oh, for fucks'... To what do we owe this pleasure. Right, I better be getting to work. Thanks for the drink, Danny. Righto. See ya later. Bye. Danny Peters. How can I help? Theresa Deering. Was she here last night? Ooh, Theresa Deering. Uh... She works for you. Works for me? Oh no. No, I only know her socially. Cut the crap. She's dead. Stabbed to death at her home. Ah, Jesus. So... was she here last night or not? Look, I don't care about your business or who you've got in your pocket. I just want to know if Theresa was seeing clients last night. Mm. Yeah, I gave her a ride home about 3. You drove her? Well, I wasn't going to let her walk, was I? You're a real gentleman (!) Hey, I care about all of my girls. And there'd been some trouble. Normally, when the cops bring us in, they split us up so we can't get our story straight. Our stories are straight. We didn't do anything. They're trying to get us to turn on each other. Is that why they told me you fucked her, Ted? Yeah, exactly. Jesus Christ. Look, I was feeling down, all right, with Rita and everything. Theresa, she was... You know, it was business. Which you didn't pay her for. I... wrote her an IOU. Oh, this just gets better. You won't have to pay that now. Look, it just happened, all right? I took you in, you ungrateful wanker, and you betrayed me! And it's not the first time. He fucked my wife as well. Eh? Eh? Eh? She told me, after one too many brandy and dries, before we split. We don't fuck each others' wives, Ted. That's fucking low. It was years ago, all right? And to be fair, she threw herself at me. Fuck you, Ted! (SHOUTING) Fuck off! The fuck? About bloody time. Where the hell have you been? Why? What's flown up your nightie? The boys are at the station. (SCOFFS) Another bloody job gone tits up, eh? See, they've lost it. It's fucking murder! Really? And who the fuck are they meant to have murdered? Theresa. Fuck! The police were just round at Danny Peters'. I thought it was a routine sweep. Fuck! And they've dragged the boys in? They didn't do it. Why would they? Everyone liked Theresa. I liked her. Why the fuck are they at the station? Cops being cops. Ignorant bloody fools. Yeah, right. Don't you dare. Lefty may be a lot of things, but he would never` He was the boyfriend. He wasn't above knocking you around. So? Phineas used to knock Carol around. So? He would never kill anyone! Neither would Lefty. What about Ted? Ted? He's too lazy to put on a pair of proper pants, let alone kill someone. They didn't do it! Yeah, y-you're right. This is stupid. None of them killed anyone. So, what do we do? What we've always done when it comes to our men. Switch to Vodafone and get Vodafone TV Intro and three months' free unlimited broadband. That's over $640 of value. I hear you kicked Ted out. Can I help you? We're here to see our men. That's not possible. Have they been charged? I'm not at liberty to say. Oh. But you were at liberty to go round to the Galleria, gloating, speaking out of school to Ngaire. Am I right? So you're gonna go back there, speak to one of your many superiors, then come back here and tell me what the fuck is happening with my husband. And mine. And mine. You know what? I went to bed before you two. So fuck knows what you were doing. Oh, what, stabbing your girlfriend while you were sleeping, is that what you're fucking suggesting? I wouldn't hurt Theresa. I cared about her. But she wasn't interested in you, so who knows what you mighta done. Fucking bullshit! Oi, leave him alone all right? There's` Enough! Fuck up, the lot of you! This is just fucking sad, man. None of you hurt that poor girl. We know that. But she's gone. So just have a little bit of bloody respect. And I'm done. I don't wanna stay here and watch my mates rip each other apart. (KNOCKS AT DOOR) Excuse me, are we being detained? Cos if we are` No, you're all free to go. Until you get called as witnesses, although fuck knows what use you'll be. Witnesses? Does that mean you've actually arrested someone? We did our job, yes. Who? Who did it? I want her! No, she is out of bounds. She's a god-damned whore! She doesn't get to pick and choose. She does, and you're not it, so just go! Fucking whore! Get the fuck out of my place! Fuck! (DOOR CREAKS) You'll be all right? 'Course. Got my bodyguards. (BOTH LAUGH) Your neighbour, a Mrs Cunningham, she saw Peters' car leave. She saw another car arrive. (TENSE MUSIC) (DOOR CREAKS) (DOOR CREAKS) 'That man then stabbed her 32 times until she was dead.' So you can all fuck off. I'll let you know when it's appropriate to return to your home. Your, um... Your wives are here. Everyone's free to go. BERT: Is that him? RITA: Yep. CAROL: She was a lovely girl. Even if she... you know, with my husband. I'm sorry, Carol. I'm sorry. Jesus, I really fucked up, didn't I? I'd better get back to the girls. PHINEAS: You fuckin' bastard! Rot in jail! LEFTY: Go to hell, you prick! You fuckin asshole! So you didn't hear anything, eh? A girl was killed ` stabbed ` just down the hallway and you just` Yeah, I was pissed, OK? Was dead to the world. Look I'm not fucking proud of myself. Rita, I can't` Oh, well. Hair of the dog? BERT: Actually, I might give it a miss. Don't sulk? Yeah, that's what I said. Sometimes I think you're treating this whole thing as a fucking joke. Does it look like I'm laughing? If it matters so little to you, then why can't we just do whatever I want? Who said it doesn't matter to me? 'Oh, it's just a fucking party, it's just a booze-up.' I'm promising to be with one woman ` one ` for the rest of my life, and if I want my mates there` Oh, and that's just going to be too hard, is it? What a fucking sacrifice, Wolf (!) What the hell are you talking about, woman? Would the pair of you shut the fuck up! Sorry, Rita, we're just trying to make it to our wedding day without killing each other. Oh, Jesus wept. Enough with the god-damned, mother-fucking wedding day. Mum? (SIGHS DEEPLY) Theresa ` Lefty's girl,... she died. Someone killed her. Holy shit. Jesus. That guy that we burgled, like one big happy family, trying to teach the arseholes of this world a lesson? VOICE CRACKS: Last night he followed her home and he took to her with a kitchen knife. Fuck. Yeah. So does it really fucking matter what finger food you have at your wedding? Just get fucking married and be grateful. And stop stealing my fucking smokes. Shit, that's... (EXHALES) Shoulda been there for her. Danny Peters. He should've woken us up and told us that` Don't, for fuck's sake, Lefty. He tells you, and then what? The charge of the useless brigade? Do you really think we need this right now, Bilkey? Yes, you damn well do. Because what the fuck are you all doing? You had wives, you had homes, people who love you waiting when you got home every night. Not all of us have it that good. And those women who married you, despite the fact that you've all been behaving like fuckin' losers, they came down to the station for you. Then they left. Yeah, so what are you gonna do about it, Phineas? What are you all gonna do? (SIGHS) (INTENSE MUSIC) (WOMAN MOANS, PANTS) (PANTING, MOANING) Oh! Oh! Shit! Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait! Phin! Phin! Phineas! Phineas! Mate, I'm so, so sorry. And I can explain... kind of. (BREATHES HEAVILY) (REFLECTIVE GUITAR MUSIC) Don't need to. It makes sense. (SIGHS) Fuck. Phineas and Carol are calling it quits. It's OK, Wolf. I don't have to come to your wedding. Yeah, you do. I want you there. So can you just... grow some balls and come to the church? Wolf, I've tried all my life to be nice to the fire, so that when I die and go to hell, fire will treat me nice. You're not going to hell. Sometimes I wonder... Sparky, sometimes you need to take control of the situation. But how? Girls! Dinner! Girls! Lisa! Chels` OK if I come in? We're about to have dinner. Is there enough for me? Well, that'd be a bit odd, wouldn't it? The four of us sitting around the table for family dinner. Isn't that what we are? Family. Lefty, I know you're feeling sad` I don't want to do this any more. Do what? Live apart from you ` my wife. She's not even in the ground and you're around here saying` No. This thing between you and me started well before Theresa... You know it. I love you, Ngaire. You what? You heard. What the fuck? Oh my God! Oi, ladies don't talk like that. Gidday, girls. Dad's home. Evening, love. What are you doing here? Well, I live here, you see. This is my house. You're my wife. So if you want to blow this whole thing apart, go our separate ways, well, then you can leave. Cos I'm staying. You and me, we're in it for the long haul. And we've come this far. I fucked Danny Peters. Shit. Well, since we're being honest, I, uh,... I also... Who? Theresa. I'm not proud of it, but it happened. I guess we're even. Twice. I fucked Danny Peters twice. Danny fucking Peters? That jumped-up, moustachey little fuck? That pimp, that knob, that sleazy, poncy wanker? What the hell, Rita? I was high the first time. Some fancy new drug he had. What, he drugged you? I took it willingly. Well, if you were on drugs, the sex was probably terrible. Bloody wonderful sex, actually. Some of the best I've ever had. Bloody hell, woman! That's why I went back for more. Turns out it was the drugs. (SIGHS) If you ever,... ever steal from me again, Ted West, I will make you suffer like you have never suffered before. And as for that fucking tracksuit? If I see that bloody thing ever again, I will bury it, whether or not you're wearing it at the time. Are we done? Yeah. Good. (SIGHS) You're out and about bright and early. Went to see Danny Peters again. You fucking what? Calm down. Went and got us a little something. (SIGHS) Before breakfast? Why not? Life's short. Rita, we don't need stimulants to have a good time. I think last night proved that. Yeah. Doesn't mean I'm finished with you. Morning. (SIGHS) You'll have heard, I suppose. Heard what? The church burnt down. What? You really don't know? No, I didn't know. You know the old Sunday School building? The fire started there. The brigade got to it in time to save the place, but, oh God, the smoke damage, Cheryl, it's just terrible. Far out. Arson, they're saying. Oh my God. So there's no chance of us having the wedding there this year. Unless we postpone... Nah. I don't wanna wait. We'll have it in the backyard. Oh, I can see you're heartbroken, love (!) Well, I'm sorry, Mum, but you never know what's around the corner. And besides, it doesn't matter where, it's the promise that counts. Right? I cannot believe you guys. Don't know what you're talking about. Who sets a church on fire? Someone who's gonna burn in hell for all eternity. Don't know why I didn't think of this a long time ago. Sometimes you just gotta take things into your own hands. (ZIPPER UNZIPS, SPARKY SIGHS) No, you don't. No, time to go. They even kept my picture. Is that...? Mm. (RITA GROANS EROTICALLY) (MOANS) Fuck yes! See? - (CRASH!) - Oh my God! Leave it! - TED: Fuck! Oh my God! - (RITA MOANS) Dad's back, I guess. Don't fucking stop! Gonna try something new, are ya? Actually, yes. It's called 'husband cooks dinner twice a week'. Eh? I'm a modern woman now, Lefty. And when I say new start, I mean it. Ready to go? You sure you wanna come? Yes. Thank you. Because, you know, she didn't have anyone else. Just you lot? Poor bitch. # When you fell in love with me, # I never knew what a distraction you would be. # I hope it's not too sad. I hope it's not too long. I don't like funerals. No one likes funerals, love. We weren't there for her when she died, so we're gonna make damn sure we're there to say goodbye. Everyone deserves a good crowd at their send-off. Yeah, even if it's just a sad bunch of fuckers like you lot. We goin'? Yeah. She didn't have anyone, eh? (PEOPLE CHATTER) Look at that. Kylie. Theresa was her middle name. Did you know that, Lefty? Yeah, 'course. Man, if this many people turned up to my tangi, I'd know I did something right. STERLING: Quite a crowd, eh? She had a big family. She was very much loved, by a lot of people. Well, if she was so loved, why would she`? ...be a prostitute? I was going to say why would she be slumming it with you boys? (MUSIC INTENSIFIES) I suppose... people forget. Drift away, forget that they're loved, forget where they belong. They get lost. And sometimes, if they're lucky, they get found again. You look after our boy. Stag party, Rita. What happens will happen. Better be on my best behaviour, then. You better be. We'll see. Isn't that Cheryl? ERIC: Might be as faithful as Tonto, but to me it looks like Cheryl's out riding the range. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYS, WOMEN CHEER) I'll kick his balls through the roof of his fucking mouth! I'll kick them into his fucking brains! All you guys are gonna do right now is just blow each other's heads off. Everything I did, I did it for you.