(Bell rings) (Whistle blows) (Plays the blues) www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Able 2018 (Hums happily) Oh, man. Rusty old hunk of junk. Howdy, Bart. Hot enough for you? Oh, shut up, Flanders. Dad, how come we can't get a decent mower like the Flanders have? Be happy with what you've got, son. Don't try to keep up with the Flanderses. (Moans) (Gasps) (Gasps) Do you like my new wheels, Simpson? Oh, wow, man. What an RV! Bart! Uh, I suppose it has various features... It's got everything-- microwave, dishwasher big screen TV, deep fryer and see that on the roof? A satellite dish! Yes, indeedly-doodly. How can you afford this, Ned? I get your mail occasionally and you make only $27 a week more than I do. It's simple, Simpson. Credit! Ooh, credit. Mmm... Mmm... Oh, ah... Thank you, God. May I help you? We're just browsing, thank you. I'd like to see your finest RV-- something better than the "Land Behemoth." Yes, that would be the "Ultimate Behemoth." Where is it? We are standing in its presence. Behold! Oh! Oh, wow! Look at this thing. Men built this. It's a vehicle. Does it have a satellite dish? You can tell your son it has its own satellite. The Vanstar I launched last February. Just for this thing. Whoa, man. We can't afford... Does it have a deep fryer?! Four-- one for each part of the chicken. We can't afford this, Homer. Let's worry about that later. Come on. Let's take a tour. Bart: Ay, caramba! This is better than our house. Wait till Flanders gets a load of this. It's so expensive. Oh, hey. How much is it? You're a man of your convic... you wanted to know and blurted it out. Yeah, how much? First of all I want you to know I like your face. You do? I really do. I mean it. You've got colour in there. Are you Roman? No. Look like a God, sort of. Let's step into the credit office, Zeus. Hey, your dad's going to work it out and you'll drive home in this. I won't quote a price till I check your credit rating. You understand this is a formality. I say, "Bob, this guy is good for it." I don't check this machine. But I don't own the place, even though my name's up there. I have to run a computer check. (Siren wails) Is that a good siren? Am I approved? You ever known a siren to be good? No, Mr Simpson, it's not. It's a bad siren. That's the computer, in case I went blind, telling me "sell the vehicle to this fella and you're out of business." It's a wee bit out of your price range. You couldn't afford this thing if you lived to be a million. Don't you have something that isn't out of my price range? I don't want to go away empty-handed, Bob. Take it easy. Don't ruin this feeling I'm getting from you. Perhaps I can show you something more you. Bob: What do you think? Ugh. Bart: You got to be kidding. Used, isn't it? What? Is it used? Mr Simpson you'll never own a better RV. I don't mean that in a good way. It's this or a wagon. How much do you want for it? You're not going to hand it to someone else? I'm quoting your price. Someone else, I'd double. I swear it, Bob. You and me. Yeah. I see this vehicle you'll be driving? On my honour. $350 a month. Would it be all right if I conferred with my family? Well, Mr Simpson if you have to discuss it with those humans there's something wrong. You're capable of making a decision or I wouldn't waste... see that man? Yeah. He's buying this. Called me two minutes ago said, "save the little one." Here he is. You want it? I'll take it. Best decision you'll ever make. This is going to change your life. Hey, Flanders. Look what I got. Ho, she's a beaut. Congratulations, Simpson. You'll have loads of fun. Heh, heh, heh. Jealous. Everybody ready? I don't want to go. That's the spirit. Ready or not, nature here we come. Bart: Turkey farm? Lisa: Nope. Skunks? Nope. Slaughterhouse? Nope. What are you doing? Playing "What's that odour?" Dad's feet? Bart! You win, Bart. Lisa! Are we there yet? I'll tell you when we get there. Marge: Homer, I'm telling you this is not the interstate. Maps! Shouldn't we stop and ask for directions? Homer: Don't worry. This is an all-terrain vehicle. My feet are getting wet. Oh, come on. We're getting back to nature. Mom, I'm scared. We all are, dear. But your father says not to worry. (Whistles) (Branches crash) Should we stop here? Yes! Yes! Yes! All righty. (Screeches) Well, here we are. (All sigh) Uh-oh. (Screams) OK, nobody move. Nobody panic. When I give the word, everyone ever so slowly open the door and slide out. On the count of three. One... The Simpsons have entered the forest. * Well, now we get a chance to be real pioneers. Yes, sir, this is a real adventure. I bet some people would trade everything they have for this adventure. Like we just did? (Whimpers) Will somebody help her? Look, Maggie, birdies. What are we going to do? Don't worry. Our situation isn't as bad as it seems. And you're forgetting I'm an experienced woodsman. You all stay here while I go over this way and try to get my bearings. What am I going to do? I've murdered us all! (Echo:) I've murdered us all! Shut up! (Echo:) Shut up! Ooh! (Echo:) Ooh! There, finished. You are? It's a quick job, but it's shelter. It is? Uh-huh. We'll be back with help before you know it. You girls stay here and relax. Remember, Dad the handle of the Big Dipper points to the North Star. Lisa, we're not in astrology class. We're in the woods. (Groans) Should Maggie be going with them, Mom? They won't be gone long. She's in good hands. There aren't any dangerous animals in the forest are there, Dad? Don't worry. If you leave them alone, they'll leave you alone. It's a deal. Don't act afraid. Animals can smell fear, and they don't like it. Besides, there's nothing to be afraid of. Right. (Sucking noise) A rattler! I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. Run, you fool! (Screams) (Gasps) Ah, through here, boy. Back to civilization. How do you know? Experienced woodsmen like me get a feel for these things. It becomes natural, like a third sense. (Screams) (Screams) (Hums happily) The boys certainly are taking a long time. I hope Maggie isn't slowing them up too much. (Growls) (Snarls) (Coughs) Bart, where are you, Bart? Oh! His lucky red hat. Oh, dear God! No! Bart! B-B-Bart! (Coughs) (Pants) Oh, Bart! Oh, Bart, my beautiful son. Why couldn't you have taken me?! Of all the fates on heaven and earth why did this one befall me? (Sobs) Bart: Don't have a cow, Dad. What the... ooh! You're alive! And, heh-heh, buck naked. I'm not the only one, Homeboy. What? Ohh. (Laughs) Jungle man. (Tarzan yell) (Laughs) The first thing you learn about surviving in the woods: conceal your nakedness. Yeah, man. OK, slap a fern on there, boy. Now some mud. There... ooh! That requires a little moss. And some moss for me. All right, we're ready to hit the town. Dad, I am so hungry. Can't we eat something first? I'm starving, man. Ah, food. Good thinking, son. This young sapling ought to do the trick. What are we going to do-- hang ourselves? No, this is a trap. It's going to catch us our dinner. Shh. Just watch. Ooh! Aha! Got him. Aw! OK, this time I'll go into the bushes make a lot of noise and flush out a rabbit. When he comes out, you step on him. Right, Dad. (Growls) (Screams) Get them off me! Get them off me! (Shrieks) Great camping trip, honey. Traveled 800 miles haven't even seen a squirrel yet. Woman: The ranger warned us about bears. Oh, bears-- right, right. Let me show you how many bears there are around here. Uh... hello, bears. Have a doughnut. What the heck-- have me. Come and get it. All right, all right, you made your point. Hmph. Bears! (Sighs) I hope Maggie and the boys are all right. I'm sure they're fine. After all, we built a fire and we don't know anything about nature. Imagine what your father, an experienced woodsman, has done. Yeah, I suppose so. 'Night, Mom. Good night, dear. G-g-g-g-good n-n-n-night, D-D-Dad. G-g-good n-n-night, son. Sl-sl-sleep tight. (Teeth chatter) (Snores) Bart: Are we there yet? Homer: No! Are we ever going to be there? How would I know? Quit asking pointless... (Gasps) Bart! Look. Honey. Honey! We're saved! Uh, Homer? Bees? How is it? Tangy. Watah! Watah! What? Watah! Oh, water. Thataway, man. Ooh! Ahhh! Ah! (Apelike mumbles) (Screams) (Garbled shouts) Bigfoot, the legendary half man/half ape is no longer a legend. He is very real. You're about to see unedited video footage taken earlier today near Tenderfoot Gorge. (Apelike mumbles) The naturalist who took these extraordinary pictures was most impressed by the creature's uncivilized look its foul language and, most of all, its indescribable stench. A popular supermarket tabloid offers a $5,000 reward to anyone who brings in the creature alive. We'll have more on this story as it develops. We return you to the President's address. * You girls seem to have gotten along all right but it's a good thing we found you. There's something horrible roaming these woods. There is? Why, that's my husband. His name isn't Bigfoot. His name is Homer. What does it eat? I don't understand. What's this all about? Well, I suppose pork chops are his favourite. Get those bears out of here. I'm trying to do an interview. Bears, we're taping. All bears off the set. Now let's get back to your husband. How would you describe your marital relations? Will this be on TV? Coast to coast. Just a little further. Are we there yet? Just a little further. Are we there yet? (Sniffs) Food! (Sniffs) (Sniffs) Ohh! Nice grizzlies, nice grizzlies. Nice grizzlies. Now what, Dad? Praise the grizzlies, son. Nice grizzlies, nice grizzlies. Good grizzly. (Gasps) Huh? Maggie! Oh, my little girl. Homer: Nice grizzlies. Nice grizzlies. Later, grizzly-dudes. Look, it's him! It's Bigfoot! Get him! Huh? (Screams) We got him! We got Bigfoot! You are darn lucky we rescued you. What the hell are you talking about, sir? He's getting away. Johnson, you got that tranquilizer gun? (Shrieks) (Screams) Dad! Oh, Dad! Avenge me, son. Avenge my death. (Snores) Last week's capture of Bigfoot turned into the scientific poser of the century. Although the creature was ultimately released the question remains: who was this Homer? Was it the legendary missing link known as Bigfoot? Can I have some applesauce? Specialists from around the world gathered at the Springwood Primate Institute to examine the controversial creature. Here are their findings. (Chatters) Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished colleagues: after extensive biological and anatomical testing I regret to announce that the evidence we have is... inconclusive. This thing may or may not be human. (Mutters) That's his opinion. I say it is Bigfoot in the flesh. It is a man. The eyes have a glimmer of human intelligence. What about the sloping apelike forehead? Homer: The guys will have a field day with this. At least they let you go. Gentlemen, gentlemen, Fraulein, please. This much we can agree upon: this specimen is either a below-average human being or a brilliant beast. Stupid pigheads. Oh, Homer, my brilliant beast. Captioned by the Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation. www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Able 2018