* www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Able 2018 (Bart humming) Whoops. Oh, whoops. Whoops. This will be the best birthday breakfast Mom ever had. - Is that enough for her? - Maybe one more. I hope she likes the presents we got her. She'll like mine. Who wouldn't like real French perfume all the way from gay Paree? Four bucks, plus tax. She's going to like my hand-made card better. Whoa, big deal. Dry macaroni, spray paint and glue. Whoopee. (whistles) First dibs! I get to lick the beaters. Ow! Ah! Ah! Lisa, my tongue is stuck in the beaters! My tongue! (snoring) KIDS: Happy birthday! (screams) What?! What?! Your birthday breakfast. Oh! Well, isn't this nice. - My birthday? - No. It's my birthday? What did I get? I love birthdays. No, it's mine. You don't know her birthday? Well, of course I know. Sure. You really thought I forgot, didn't you? What did you get her? Yeah. Uh... Well, a very thoughtful gift. But it's a surprise. It's such a beautiful morning I think I'll take a little stroll around the block. (RUNNING FOOTSTEPS) (DOOR SLAMS) (CAR ENGINE STARTS, TYRES SQUEAL) - I think he forgot, Mom. - Mm-hmm. Oh, no. Come on, come on! Open up! Good morning, consumers. The Springfield Mall is now open for your spending needs. Hmm... Uh... No. Too salty. Um... Nah. Hmm... Nah, too corny. Too exciting. Patty, he's out buying me something right now. Oh, Marge, he never gets you anything YOU want. He always gets something for himself. Like the tackle box. Remember the tackle box? And Connie Chung. And when he surprised you with the Connie Chung calendar? I'm sure he doesn't do it deliberately. Hmm... Hmm... Homer and I had a lovely dining experience at Chez Pierre. Or the Rusty Barnacle is nice. No, no, no. We want to take you someplace fun. The Singing Sirloin. The place where the waiters sing? Um-hmm. (grunting) Marge: Homer? Be right there. (whistling) Homer, we're having dinner tonight at the Singing Sirloin. Sounds delightful. Just you and me and the balladeers. And the kids. Fair enough. And my sisters. Doh! (singers warming up) # Oh, how we danced on the night we were wed... # # Oh, you're having my baby # # What a lovely way to say how much I love you... # # Nearer, my God, to thee # # Nearer to thee. # Oh, perfume. Whoa! Thank you, Bart. You're welcome. 34 years old. Time enough to start over with a new man. Someone who eats with his mouth shut. What's that, Patty? Nothing. Finish your steak. Look at him wolf down that gristle. That's an accident waiting to happen. Do you know the Heimlich Manoeuver? No. Good. She likes my present better. Does not. Does not. Does, too. Then how come she's not putting on any of your perfume? Yeah... Mom, how come you're not putting on my perfume? Hmm... Ahem. Oh, I'm saving it for a special occasion. What the hell are you talking about? There's gallons of it. This occasion is already so special if we made it any more special we might end up making it less special. Gotcha. Told you she liked mine better. Oh, brother. Hold on, hold on now. Your mother hasn't opened my present yet. # Happy birthday to you # # Happy birthday to you # # Happy 34th birthday, Mrs. Homer Simpson # # Happy birthday to you. # What? Don't worry. This frosting will come right off. Beauty, isn't she? It's hard for me to judge since I've never bowled in my life! Well, if you don't want it, I know someone who does. (snorts) Domino's Pizza is now Domino's. While we still do great value pizzas, we also offer amazing choice. Our authentic New Yorker range, chicken sides, desserts, and hand-crafted thick shakes are totally irresistible. Taste what's different at Domino's. * You always say we should talk. I'm talking right now, as a matter of fact. But I'm going to stop in a second so please say something back. I'm going to stop talking now. You bought that bowling ball for you, not for me. What? No. The holes were drilled for your fingers. I wanted to surprise you. I couldn't chop your hand off and bring it to the store. You never intended for me to use that ball. I'll take it back. You can't. Your name is engraved on it. So you'd know it's from me! Homer, I'm keeping the ball... for myself! But you don't know how to bowl. Whoops. I'm keeping it, and I'm going to use it. Thank you for the present, Homer. Well, you're welcome. Excuse me. Where do I throw this? Over there. You're going to need a lane. No, thanks. I'm just here out of spite. Can't bowl without a lane. Well, all right. Okay, here you go. You keep score on this. What size shoes you wear? Never you mind! Can't wear street shoes on the lanes. What size, please? 13 Double A. 13 Double A?! (whistles) This is the closest I've got-- a nine and a 15. Thank you. A little warm and moist. Ew. Hmm. (grunting) (cheering) (French accent:) So 120 pins later, I am the better man. I don't see what he's doing that's so different from what I'm doing. Oh... I'm awfully sorry. Entirely my fault. It is nice to meet you... Homer. Oh, no, no. Homer is my... ball's name. I'm Marge. (chuckles) Your fingers are so slender, so feminine. They're far too tapered for the ball you're using. You need something lighter, more delicate. Here, use my ball. No, no, thank you, Mr. Brunswick. Call me Jaques. Jaques. Marge. Hmm, I'll just use my ball. As you wish. Many people have senseless attachments to heavy, clumsy things such as this Homer of yours. May I ask you a bold question? Sure. You've never bowled before? Never. No? No. Then I will teach you. I don't want to trouble you. Not at all-- I am a professional. Roll the ball. Let me see your form. I'm not very good. I can hit that one pin but the rest of them don't even wobble. I can help you. Pick up the ball. Pick up Homer. Pick him up. Oh... Hmm. Now, throw. But... Throw, damn you! Hmm, you're a very good teacher. I can teach you everything. I can tell you what the arrows on the wood floor mean which frame is the beer frame. I bet you don't know how to make a 5-7-10 split. No. First you yell, "The eight pin is a cop." Let it out. Laugh out loud. You'll lose weight. That's very funny. Feels good. I didn't realise there was so much to this game. What do you charge for lessons? $25. $25? It's a $40 value. Hmm, well, all right. When do we start? We have already begun. Now this is living, eh, kids? Hot pizza, the food of kings. Don't be scared. It's not hard taking care of us. I'm not scared. It's a great chance to spend some time with you kids. Your mother always gets to be alone with you. Now it's my turn. Does the time always drag like this? First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness. Feel the satiny finish. Caress it. Experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it? Oh, very smooth. Smooth? Yes, very. Yes. Smooth. You could eat off it. You hungry? Yes. Four onion rings! Mmm, delizioso. My compliments to the delivery boy. Okay, we've eaten and eaten well. What else do we have to do? Let's the check the list your mom left us. Eat, mm-hmm. Oh, clean up. Now, don't worry, everybody. This will be a breeze if we all pitch in. All right, we're clean. Now, we'll... put Maggie to bed. # Lullaby and good night # # Go to bed and sleep tight # # Close your eyes # # Start to yawn # # Pleasant dreams until the dawn. # (snoring) Homer? Huh? Huh? Oh, how was bowling? It's a very challenging hobby. Sport, dear. It's a sport, you silly thing. Mm-hmm, but I think I'll do much better tomorrow night. Oh? You're going back? Well, sure, if you don't mind taking care of the kids again. Uh, no, I don't mind. Good night, Homer. Good night. It is for you. Oh, Jaques, it fits. You got it in my size, and it has my name on it. It's really for me? $17.50. Enjoy it, my darling. Oh. Here we are. You didn't have to drop me off. But I wanted to. Marge, do you know how beautiful you look in the moonlight? Oh, Jaques, I'm a married woman. I know, I know. My mind says, "stop" but my heart and my hips cry, "proceed." Marge, darling I want to see you tomorrow. Not at Barney's Bowlarama. Away from the thunderous folly of clattering pins. Meet me tomorrow for brunch. What's brunch? It's not quite breakfast. It's not quite lunch. It comes with a slice of cantaloupe. You don't get completely what you would at breakfast but you get a good meal. I don't think so. Marge, darling There are ten pins in my heart. You've knocked over eight. Won't you please pick up that spare? Hmm... Hmm... All right. Marge? What, Homer? Nothing. * Bart: Uh-oh! School bus. Here you go, kids. Special lunches. Lots of good things for growing bodies and some treats. Ay caramba. Are you going bowling again? I am, as a matter of fact. Here's more treats. Your dad will fix dinner. Mmm. Wednesday. Hoagie night. Good-bye, Lisa, my darling, little Lisa. Good-bye, Bart, my special little guy. Mmm. Great lunches, eh, Lise? Oh, Bart. Don't you see? Psychologists call this "over-compensation." Mom feels guilty because her marriage is failing. Hey, don't rock the boat. We're making out like bandits. I read about what happens to kids whose parents no longer love and cherish each other. They go through eight separate stages. I'm in stage three: fear. You're in stage two: denial. No, I'm not. Yes, you are. No, I'm not. Yes, you are! Am not! Am not! I stand corrected. Mimosa? I'm a married woman. Please don't call me that. No, no, mimosa is the name of the drink. It's orange juice and champagne. You're so wonderful that you thought it was something offensive. Oh, well, thank you. Woman: Marge? Marge Simpson? You remember me, don't you? Helen Lovejoy, the minister's gossipy wife. Oh, yes. Hello, Helen. I was about to leave when I looked over and said "Isn't that Marge Simpson "having brunch with a man who isn't her husband?" I had to come over and say hello. We're, um... Don't squirm on my account. I am giving her a bowling lesson. Now, Marge, the pins on the 3-7-10 split would be here. We'll make this little piece of food the ball. Your ball's bigger. But for food, this is a good ball. Ahem. Well... Bye-bye. See you in church Sunday. Good-bye, Helen. Good-bye, Helen. You have a lovely friend there. Let's hope something runs over her. Your laughter is music to me, but do not laugh at this: I am about to say something very serious perhaps shocking. Marge, my darling, I want you to meet with me again. That doesn't shock me. Away from prying eyes, away from the Helens of the world. At my apartment, the Fiesta Terrace. (gasping) I've been waiting for you. Come in, my captivating one. (Day and Night plays) May I have this dance? Sure. Whoa! You certainly have a lot of bowling trophies. Oh, I like you so much. They're not for bowling, Marge. You're so naive. They're for love-making. Really? Yes. Oh! Champagne? Please. There, my darling. Thank you. What cosmic force brought us together, Marge? Destiny. Yes, some divine pin-spotter must have placed us side by side. Like two fragile bowling pins... Standing bravely... Until inevitably... They must topple! Marge! Speak to me! Is Thursday okay? It's okay, indeed. "For Marge"? Hey, Dad. What do you say we toss the old apple around? I don't know if I can lift my head, let alone a ball. Come on, Dad, get the lead out. Simpson checks the runner on first. He's cool. He's fine. Here's the wind-up and here's the pitch. Dad, you didn't even say ouch. Oh, sorry. Ouch. I think you're right about Dad. Something's very wrong here. Frightened, Bart? Welcome to stage three: fear. We've got to do something. I'd love to help you but I'm mired in stage five: self-pity. I don't know what's wrong but once you gave me some helpful advice. I gave you advice? You said when something's bothering you and you're too stupid to know what to do keep your fool mouth shut. That way, you won't make things worse. Hmm, good advice. Marge, may I speak to you? Sure. I've been thinking. Everyone makes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches but usually the jelly drips out and gets your hands all sticky. But your jelly stays right in the middle. I don't know how you do it. You got a gift, I guess. I've always thought so. I never mentioned it but it's time you knew. I don't believe in keeping feelings bottled up. Good-bye, my wife. Good-bye, Homer. To the most beautiful moment in life-- better than the deed or the memory-- the moment of anticipation. # Doo-doo doo-doo-doo, pa-too # Jaques, you handsome devil. Look at you. You're really going to strike out tonight! Ain't you hungry, Homer? Starving. Then why aren't you eating your sandwich? How can I eat it? She made it. It's all I have left. Domestic situation. (groaning) Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. ('Up Where We Belong' plays) Huh, huh? Marge! What a lovely surprise. You're here to see me, right? Of course. Hey, way to go, Homer! way to go! What about the boss? Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love and I won't be back for ten minutes. (cheering) Captioned by The Caption Center WGBY Educational Foundation www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Able 2018