We all get tired, and sometimes we're just not in the mood. You're not into this, are ya? It's Aphrodelle. I'm not all that interested at the moment. I'm not all that interested at the moment. Maybe you need a little help. Sorry? interested at the moment. Sorry? Aphrodelle ` it's got to be better than faking it. I still love you. If I lend Jo money, will you be pissed off? I think she wants you back. I think she wants you back. Well, she hasn't got a hope, because I am taken. I can buy out Adam's share. If you sell the house in future, I'll take a proportional cut. God! I can't believe it. # And the stars came out once the lights went out. # And I could not speak, so I had to shout. # And then the moon passed sadly by. # I need the toaster. I need the toaster. Well, I'm using it. I need the toaster. Well, I'm using it. Well, I've got to go to tech. I need the toaster. Well, I'm using it. Oi. Break it up. Oi. Break it up. That's mine! Toast criminal. Just make some more. Oi. Break it up. Just make some more. Just make some more. It's not funny, dick. Just make some more. It's not funny, dick. Noah's right. It's not funny. Catherine. Hold on. It's not funny, dick. Catherine. Hold on. Catherine. Hold on. You really don't have to come. Catherine. Hold on. You really don't have to come. Won't be a tick. You know I'm staying at Dexter's tonight, right? You know I'm staying at Dexter's tonight, right? Sure. Love you, Mum. You know I'm staying at Dexter's tonight, right? Love you, Mum. You too. Bye. Bye. OK. (GRUNTS) Ready now. You all right? A bit tight from the other day. A bit tight from the other day. You don't have to come. A bit tight from the other day. You don't have to come. No, I'm good. Unless you want to ditch the run and go for a burn instead? You might be turning into your father. I promise you I'll never sing anything from The Mikado. I promise you I'll never sing anything from The Mikado. Thank God for that. Noah was being a pain. All he was doing was sitting at a desk. I thought tech would be good for him. Ugh. I'm sorry. I can't do this. Stitch? Stitch? No. You keep talking. I know you're only coming because you care. Stitch? And it could be dangerous. They'd have to be stupid to try anything. They'd have to be stupid to try anything. They are stupid. They'd have to be stupid to try anything. I just` What? You don't have to mollycoddle me. Right. Sorry. Don't worry about it. Let's head back. Don't worry about it. Let's head back. You sure? Don't worry about it. Let's head back. Yeah. Come on. Oh! (CHUCKLES) I'm surprised Baby slept through that. (GIGGLES) She's got to get used to the household noises. She's got to get used to the household noises. That's household noise? Mmm! Mmm! OK. Mmm! I've gotta get busy. Oh shit! You OK? You OK? Yeah, it's` I'm cool. You OK? Yeah, it's` I'm cool. PHONE RINGS You OK? I'll get it. Ah, Jesus. Hey, Em, you got any painkillers? Hey, Em, you got any painkillers? < What? Hey, Em, you got any painkillers? < ON PHONE: Hello? < Hi. How are you? < Yeah. Yeah, good. Oh, yep. Sure. Yep, he's here. I'll just grab him. It's for you. Jo. Jo. Eh? Jo. Eh? She wants to talk. Hello? Hello? Morning, Brian. I just wanted to have a word. Whatever it was, I didn't do it. Whatever it was, I didn't do it. So defensive! It's about Mac's birthday. Oh, right. Well, I was wondering if there was anything planned. Not that I know of. It's not a big one. Ah, but what is the answer to life, the universe and everything? I have no idea. 42. Hitchhiker's Guide. Mac loves that book. And he never had a party for his 40th. Well, maybe cos his wife had just run off with the gardener. Well, maybe cos his wife had just run off with the gardener. I think we've all moved past that. Well, maybe cos his wife had just run off with the gardener. with Catherine. Is Catherine a party person? She could be. She could be. I wasn't thinking of anything flash ` just... a few drinks; some of the old team. a few drinks; some of the old team. That's good of you. Well, that's great. Let me know a good time to make a plan. Well, that's great. Let me know a good time to make a plan. Sure. Well, that's great. Let me know a good time to make a plan. Talk to you soon, Brian. Is Jo still on for today? Uh, she just wanted to talk` party for Mac's birthday. Oh, that's great. Haven't been out for ages. Hey, um, was it OK? What was? What was? You know ` before. What was? Oh, fantastic. Oh, I really need to have a shower. Hey, Cat. Hey. Hey. You're on your own. Hey. You're on your own. I am. Hey. You're on your own. Me too. Ordered the big breakfast. It's lunchtime. It's lunchtime. I don't play by the rules, babe. It's easier when you It's lunchtime. It's easier when you live on your own. It's easier when you live on your own. Mm. You had your chance, Cat. Sorry? live on your own. Sorry? Sorry? It could have been me and you in my apartment ` sea views, spa pool, Sorry? and a really big telly. Hilarious (!) Hilarious (!) (GIGGLES SHRILLY) Ta. So, how's life with the Brady Bunch? how's life with the Brady Bunch? Never a dull moment ` how's life with the Brady Bunch? or a quiet one. Because I'm a good sort, I'm gonna give you one last chance. Say the word; all of this could be yours. It's a lovely offer. You have egg yolk on your cheek. Go do your homework in your room. Go do your homework in your room. Eat your food in your room. I'm trying to work. Hey. Hey. Glass of wine? Hey. Glass of wine? Dad, can you tell Frank to piss off? Hey. Glass of wine? Do you have to swear? Yeah, cos he's a plumber. He'll be sexually harassing people soon. That's not funny, dick. That's not funny, dick. Noah's right. It's not funny. That's not funny, dick. Noah's right. It's not funny. CELL PHONE RINGS I'm going on the computer. How was your day? How was your day? Good. How was your day? You know, I was thinking... we could get a bigger place. OK. OK. Then I could have a room; an office; somewhere to put my stuff. You haven't actually unpacked it. You haven't actually unpacked it. Cos there's nowhere to put it. Could think about it, couldn't we? Sure. Sure. I have savings, and... we could get a place that's ours, Sure. belong to you and your ex-wife. instead of a place that used to belong to you and your ex-wife. instead of a place that used to belong to you and your ex-wife. Right. That's what this is all about? belong to you and your ex-wife. That's what this is all about? That's what this is all about? We could have a look; see what's out there. That's what this is all about? I've still got a mortgage. I haven't got a lot of spare change. I thought, with Aphrodelle` I thought, with Aphrodelle` Yeah, that money's kind of tied up. I invested it ` in Jo's place. You lent her the money? You lent her the money? Well, not quite. I bought out Adam's share. Look, you said it was my business. We weren't gonna talk about finances. This is a good investment. Right. Right. You're pissed off. Right. You're pissed off. I'll just get changed. You're pissed off. If we need a bigger place, we can look at it. If we need a bigger place, we can look at it. It was just a suggestion. Sorry. I'm just not used to living with this many people. Sorry. I'm just not used to living with this many people. I know. It's not easy. Maybe we should just run away to Paris. (CHUCKLES) Maybe we should. Or its property porn, here we come. Yo, Dexter's here! Dexter. Hi. Dexter. Hi. Hi. Is Celeste home? She's meant to be with you. She's meant to be with you. I haven't seen her since Wednesday. She's meant to be with you. I haven't seen her since Wednesday. Right. She won't return my calls. She I haven't seen her since Wednesday. She won't return my calls. She hasn't said anything to you? She won't return my calls. She hasn't said anything to you? About what? Well, she's been a bit upset. I got a residency in Berlin. Well, she's been a bit upset. I got a residency in Berlin. Celeste, call me when you get this. Well, she's been a bit upset. I got a residency in Berlin. Well done. Well done. Yeah, just 12 months in a studio. Well done. Yeah, just 12 months in a studio. Nice. Well done. Yeah, just 12 months in a studio. Excuse me ` Celeste? Well, she wanted to come with me. Well, she wanted to come with me. To Berlin? I said it wouldn't work ` what Well, she wanted to come with me. I said it wouldn't work ` what with school and everything. I said it wouldn't work ` what with school and everything. No. She got a bit upset. I've been at a shoot all day, so I only just checked my phone. And there was a text saying 'goodbye'. Shit. Her uniform's here. She must have come home, got changed... Her clothes are gone. Her clothes are gone. What, all of them? Her clothes are gone. What, all of them? The ones she likes. > It's a good thing, I suppose. It's a good thing, I suppose. Excuse me? Well, it means she hasn't done anything stupid. Well, it means she hasn't done anything stupid. CELL PHONE RINGS Hello? Jules, it's not a good time. I` Sorry? She can't be. She's taken her passport. She's taken her passport. Jules is sure she's on her way to LA. She's taken her passport. She sent him a text asking him to pick her up from the airport. How'd she buy a ticket? How'd she buy a ticket? She's got savings from modelling ` supposed to be for education. How'd she buy a ticket? I should go. But if there's anything that I can do... I'll let you know. I'll let you know. I'll, uh... I'll see ya. Told Jules to put her on the first plane back. Told Jules to put her on the first plane back. It'll be OK. I should call him again ` make sure he can definitely be at the airport on time. This is Dr Catherine Duvall. Leave me a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Still engaged. So, this is where the famous quiz night happens? So, this is where the famous quiz night happens? And this is the lucky table. We could have the party here. We could have the party here. Actually, I was thinking about the bowling club. We could have the party here. Isn't a bowling club a little bit... oh, I don't know ` 2001? It's where Mac had his 30th. It's where Mac had his 30th. I remember. And this is very kind of you to help out. Well, Mac and I are still friends. Maybe you should try Catherine again. The bowling club is cheap, and we can organise our own catering. Any ideas? Spit roast. Spit roast. ALL: No. I'm sure we can sort something. Spit roast. I'm sure we can sort something. I'm sure we can sort something. And, uh, we can all chip in for the guest list. I've made a start. I'm sure we can sort something. How far are we going back? How far are we going back? Old friends and new. It'll be like a reunion. How far are we going back? Is that gonna be a problem, Brian? Is that gonna be a problem, Brian? No, of course not. One or two unhappy ex-girlfriends? Is that gonna be a problem, Brian? One or two unhappy ex-girlfriends? One or two unhappy ex-girlfriends? I wouldn't call them girlfriends, as such. One or two unhappy ex-girlfriends? We don't have to invite them. One or two unhappy ex-girlfriends? We don't have to invite them. But then there'd be no one there! Anyway, I was thinking ham, bread rolls... Invite a witch in, and what do you expect? I didn't invite her. I didn't invite her. Once they're in, they never leave. I didn't invite her. Are you all right, Brian? Yeah. It's just... Yeah? The party thing. Jo is being a dick about the exes. (CHUCKLES) I know your back catalogue is extensive. I won't get bent out of shape about it. Cool. Hey, maybe we should get an early night? They say you've got to sleep when the baby sleeps. Sleeping is what you wanna do? Mmm. I really should get this done. Mmm. I really should get this done. I'll do it first thing. You hate folding washing. Mmm. I really should get this done. You hate folding washing. You hate folding washing. No, I'll fold it. I'll even put it away. You hate folding washing. Mmm. Mmm. That turns you on? Start promising to the dishes, and I don't know if I'll be able to control myself. Um, maybe we should go into the bedroom. No, no, spontaneous is good, though, isn't it? No, no, spontaneous is good, though, isn't it? Sure. No, no, spontaneous is As long as that's what you want. Maybe I should stay home. Celeste is there. She's safe. There's nothing you can do till tomorrow. I know that. I know that. May as well have a bit of a weekend. I know that. Jules. Hey. How is she? Good. OK, what time's the flight back? No, that wasn't` You are not gonna reward her for bad beha` Jules, no! (SIGHS) Do you want me to call Michelle and cancel? I don't care about father-daughter bonding. It wasn't important when you buggered off to Canada, was it? It is absolutely not what we agreed. He didn't know she was flying over? He didn't know she was flying over? He didn't ` or so he says. And now he's saying it's fine for Celeste to stay there. And now he's saying it's fine for Celeste to stay there. It's only for a few days. And now he's saying it's fine for Celeste to stay there. Not really the point. I just mean that, if she's there, it kind of makes sense. I just mean that, if she's there, it kind of makes sense. How would you feel if it was Noah? I just mean that, if she's there, it kind of makes sense. Well, Noah wouldn't have the initiative ` or the cash. Well, Noah wouldn't have the initiative ` or the cash. (CHUCKLES) Beer, Mac? Well, Noah wouldn't have the initiative ` or the cash. Ta. Papaya salad ` or, if you're in Thailand, som tam. OK? I'm sorry, Michelle. I have to go. OK. OK. I need to book a flight. I've got to get over there. OK. OK. Jules won't send her back. I'll go and get her myself Eh? Jules won't send her back. I'll go and get her myself Hang on. That's a bit extr` Hang on. That's a bit extr` I'm really sorry about lunch. Hang on. That's a bit extr` I'm really sorry about lunch. You go, honey. Hang on. That's a bit extr` I'm really sorry about lunch. You do what you have to do. Catherine, wait. Catherine, wait. You can stay. I'll catch you at home. Catherine. Do you want me to come with you? I'm just gonna make a booking. I'm just gonna make a booking. No, I mean to Los Angeles. I'm just gonna make a booking. No. No, you've got work; the boys. People in relationships discuss things. They make decisions together. I can take care of this. You don't have to disrupt your life. Go. Have lunch. Right. It's easier this way. I'll text you about what's happening. It's easier this way. I'll text you about what's happening. Sure. It's easier this way. I'll text you about what's happening. Bye! PHONE RINGS (GROANS) Hello? Hello? Catherine. Hi. It's Jo. Hello? Uh, Mac's out at lunch. No, it's you I wanted to talk to ` a few details about the party. Sorry? Mac's birthday. Has no one said anything to you? There's a surprise party being planned. Emma, Brian, Smudge and I are working it out, but obviously we'll need your help. I'm sorry, I'm a little busy at the moment ` flying out to LA tonight. Oh. Is everything OK? It's fine. Will you be back in time for the party? Will you be back in time for the party? Depends when it is. Saturday. Next Saturday? Yes. Great. Well, I'll let you go. Hope everything works out. Well, I'll let you go. Hope everything works out. Thanks. Bye. (GROWLS) Hey. Hey. So you're off to LA? Just like that? Hey. So you're off to LA? Just like that? Just like that. How was the rest of lunch? So you're off to LA? Just like that? How was the rest of lunch? How was the rest of lunch? It was fine. Heard a lot about Richard's papaya salad. How was the rest of lunch? I know. I'm sorry about this. But you know what Jules is like. I'm sorry I didn't discuss it. It's just instinct. Where are you staying? Where are you staying? Oh, some place in West Hollywood. I'll forward you the confirmation. Where are you staying? I just feel as if I have to do this. And it's not as if she's your runaway. I do care about Celeste, you know. I do care about Celeste, you know. I know you do. And I will miss you ` so much. Make sure you do. Be a couple of days, tops. I'll be back for your birthday. Be a couple of days, tops. I'll be back for your birthday. Ah, it's no big deal. Be a couple of days, tops. I'll be back for your birthday. (CHUCKLES) When you're back, we'll look for somewhere bigger. Are you sure? Are you sure? Mm. Can't hurt to see what's out there. The party starts at 7.30. Jo reckons we aim to get Mac there at 8. I still don't understand why Jo is involved. I still don't understand why Jo is involved. Well, she's not so bad. I still don't understand She's his ex-wife. I mean, get a life of your own. Maybe, but she's a demon on the lists. Maybe, but she's a demon on the lists. Well, I can do lists. Maybe, but she's a demon on the lists. Why didn't anyone ask me to make the lists? Why didn't anyone ask me to make the lists? You can do the catering list. Why didn't anyone ask me to make the lists? Good. Thank you. What do we need? Lost your secret weapon, eh? Lost your secret weapon, eh? Ah, we'll struggle on. Lost your secret weapon, eh? a Stick. Everyone knows that. Cat's the smarts behind Sex on a Stick. Everyone knows that. If everyone knows, it's not a secret, is it? She's in LA. Yeah. I've been emailing her running routes. Yeah. I've been emailing her running routes. Ah. Great. Yeah. I've been emailing her running routes. Righto. Catch you on the weekend. What's happening on the weekend? What's happening on the weekend? Eh? What's happening on the weekend? Eh? Nothing as far as I know. What's happening on the weekend? Eh? Yoga, bikini wax... (CLEARS THROAT) So, how's Catherine doing? Called a couple of times ` seems fine. When's she coming back? When's she coming back? Whenever she can get Celeste on to a flight. When's she coming back? Are all the flights booked out? When's she coming back? Are all the flights booked out? I don't know. Celeste will be dragging her into every shop in town. Celeste will be dragging her into every shop in town. Or Disneyland. Celeste will be dragging her into every shop in town. You think that's Celeste's thing? You think that's Celeste's thing? You're never too old for Disneyland. You think that's Celeste's thing? You're never too old for Disneyland. Aw, ya big softie. Don't you worry. Catherine will be home soon. Don't you worry. Catherine will be home soon. Yep. Don't you worry. Catherine Back into it, folks. The answers for round four. Question one. This is Dr Catherine Duvall. Leave me a message, and I'll return your call as soon as I can. Hey. It's me. I know it's late, and you're probably asleep, but, um... We won pub quiz ` by a point. (CHUCKLES) Yeah. If you're not asleep and you get this, give me a call. I miss you. Well, look at you. Well, look at you. Hey there. Frank's report ` thought you Well, look at you. Frank's report ` thought you might want to have a look. Frank's report ` thought you might want to have a look. Ah. Frank's report ` thought you might want to have a look. What is this? That's a loaner ` till I get a new car. Your father would be impressed. How's the report? Any surprises? Oh, he only got a merit in PE. He's disappointed. He didn't get straight excellence. That's great. That's great. Not everyone can be sporty. But this... is a very sexy bike. That's great. Yeah, she's not bad. Brian restored her. He's done a fantastic job. He's done a fantastic job. Oh, hang on. Did you just say something nice about Brian? He's done a fantastic job. He's not as much of a Neanderthal as he pretends to be. Are you back on the weed again? Are you back on the weed again? CHUCKLES: No. But I have just had a flashback ` you and me on that Vespa outside Rome. Yeah. I was pretty cool on that thing. Yeah. I was pretty cool on that thing. (SCOFFS) Till you went into a ditch. That was not my fault. It was the goat. That was not my fault. It was the goat. Yes. Blame the goat. I'm sure you've improved. There's not many goats in central Auckland. There's not many goats in central Auckland. So, uh, you got a spare helmet? Oh, I don't know. I have to get to work. I have to get to work. Aren't you self-employed? I have to get to work. Aren't you self-employed? Smudge is a very hard taskmaster. I have to get to work. Oh, so you're chicken. Just old and boring. ROCK MUSIC MUSIC CONTINUES 1 1 That was brilliant ` better than drugs. better than drugs. (CHUCKLES) You and your drugs. Shut up, old man. better than drugs. Shut up, old man. Shut up, old man. Not as old as you. Shut up, old man. Not as old as you. Not yet. Whew. Whew. Remember, when you and I were first together, you had your exams? Your father took me out on his bike. Your father took me out on his bike. He did? Your father took me out on his bike. He did? Mm-hm. He packed a picnic. GROANS: Oh. Don't say it. GROANS: Oh. Don't say it. He put the moves on ` just a bit. GROANS: Oh. Don't say it. He put the moves on ` just a bit. God! Why didn't you ever say? I was young and embarrassed. And after I flatly turned him down, Micky never mentioned it again. He did the same thing to Catherine. He did the same thing to Catherine. Did he now? He did the same thing to Catherine. Did he now? Mm. He did the same thing to Catherine. Did he now? So some things never change. Maybe I should get myself one of these babies. Or would that just be sad for a 40-year-old woman? You're 42. It's the meaning of life. It's the meaning of life. The universe and everything. We should really get back, eh? Oh, shit. How did that happen? Oh, shit. How did that happen? Time flies when you're old. Don't you know that? Sorry! Kid stuff. You missed a call from Catherine. She tried you on your mobile, but no luck. Oh, bugger! Is everything all right? She said to say that she's no longer staying at the hotel, and you can reach her on the number there. Why'd she change hotels? Why'd she change hotels? Actually she said she was moving into Jules' residence. Right. Right. Mm. Makes sense for her to stay with Celeste, I suppose. Maybe he's gone back to Vancouver. His wife's up there. Maybe he's gone back to Vancouver. His wife's up there. If you say so. Sorry, are you trying to make this worse? Sorry, are you trying to make this worse? It could be completely innocent. Sorry, are you trying I wouldn't worry about it. Hi, Mac! Hi, Mac! Hey! How's it going over there? Hi, Mac! It is so awesome. It is so awesome. (CHUCKLES) Is Catherine handy? I think she's in the shower. No, hold on. Mum! Yep? Oh, hey! How are you? Good. You? You? Yeah, good. Getting there. So, um... So, you're at Jules' now? Yeah. It's easier. He's in Santa Monica, and the hotel I booked was miles away. Why not get a different hotel? Why not get a different hotel? I need to spend time with Celeste. She wants to live with Jules. Why not get a different hotel? (SIGHS) Jules and I are talking about it, and I need to stay a bit longer. She has a school interview next week, and I just... I need to make sure everything's OK. How long will that take? How long will that take? Probably a week. You're pissed off? You're pissed off? Ah, a bit. You're pissed off? This is quite important. I know. Were you ever gonna talk to me about it? I know. Were you ever gonna talk to me about it? I did discuss it with Jules. Right. Right. He's being quite reasonable, all things considered. Right. Right. In Vancouver, doing... I don't know. Something. Mum. Mum. Yeah? What is it? Dad says you need to hurry up and get dressed. Dad says you need to hurry up and get dressed. All right. Dad says you need to hurry up and get dressed. We're going to some premiere. Jules got given tickets. We're going to some premiere. Jules got given tickets. Nice. We're going to some premiere. I'm really sorry. And I will call you on your birthday. Mum! Mum! Yes! I'm coming! All right. Um, and there's a card in the top drawer of the dresser. I miss you. Bye. MELANCHOLY GUITAR MUSIC Hey, hey ` our big night of freedom. Hey, hey ` our big night of freedom. (CHUCKLES) I know. It'll be weird. Oh, dammit. You OK? You OK? No, no, just, um... I just forgot something. (CHUCKLES) Don't you go getting any ideas, little lady. It's OK to stay with lesbos, but you wouldn't wanna be one. That's my girl. You right? You right? Nearly! What's going on? I need it, and it's not here. I need it, and it's not here. Now? I need it, and it's not here. she's gonna be there all night. To take to Nicky's. I mean, she's gonna be there all night. You take it that long before? What are you on about? What are you on about? I saw your... stash the other day. What? What? Aphrodelle ` the lady drugs. I was... (CHUCKLES) looking for a spare dummy for Constance. Ah! I knew it was here somewhere. Where did you get it from? The Aphrodelle. Where did you get it from? The Aphrodelle. Jo gave it to me. Jo did? Why? I don't know. For a laugh. And... have you used it? No. Well, only a couple of times. What for? Well, I wasn't really feeling like it. Well, I wasn't really feeling like it. And it... worked? Yeah. And it was better than, you know, normal? (SIGHS) Brian, I really need to get Constance over to Nicky's. And you need to get going too. Bugger. Gotta wonder sometimes. Bloody women. (SIGHS) Two beers, thanks, mate. I guess she's got stuff she needs to sort out. She's staying at Jules' house. You what? You what? Mm. She says it's easier, because of Celeste. Shit, mate. Shit, mate. Ah, it's probably nothing. Shit, mate. Ah, it's probably nothing. Yeah, but... He's an old rootbag from way back. He's an old rootbag from way back. (CHUCKLES) That occurred to me. Not that I'm saying anything. You and Catherine are the real thing, right? Who knows? She's pretty hard to pin down. Cheers. Hey, um, everything's all good in the sack? CHUCKLES: Yeah. I think so. And she's, um, never used the lady drugs? (SCOFFS) Catherine wouldn't take it on principle. This Aphrodelle stuff ` you know, is it selling? It's flying off the shelves. Getting a lot of very happy customer testimonials. What does that say about the guys? What does that say about the guys? How do you mean? What does that say about the guys? How do you mean? Well, if your lady needs that, What does that say about the guys? it's got to be a kick in the teeth. It's like what Michelle says ` it's got to be a kick in the teeth. It's like what Michelle says ` operator failure. It's like what Michelle says ` operator failure. Error. It's like what Michelle says ` CELL PHONE RINGS It's like what Michelle says ` CELL PHONE RINGS Yeah, whatever. Oh. Brian King. Shit, right now? Uh,... OK. It must be a bit of an emergency. Yep, uh, sure, Steve. Um, I'll be right there. Yeah, I know. Sorry, mate. Emergency call-out. You're ditching me on my birthday? You're ditching me on my birthday? Well, you could come along. To your call-out? To your call-out? It'll only take five minutes. Then we can move on; grab dinner. To your call-out? I won't let you spend your birthday eating fried chicken and watching girl-on-girl action. Wasn't exactly my plan. Wasn't exactly my plan. Good. Let's go, then. Hey, uh, maybe you can come in and give me a hand. It's a surprise party, isn't it? It's a surprise party, isn't it? (SIGHS) What gave it away? It's a surprise party, isn't it? (SIGHS) What gave it away? LAUGHS: Your acting. And Cory said he'd see me on Saturday. Bugger. (SIGHS) Look surprised, eh? ALL: Surprise! Shit! Bloody hell! Mate, nice! It's OK. You can tone it down now. It's OK. You can tone it down now. We so got you! Mwah. (CHUCKLES) Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Oh, cheers, mate. HB, old man. Happy birthday. HB, old man. HB, old man. I thought you two had forgotten. HB, old man. I thought you two had forgotten. Noah had. HB, old man. I thought you two had forgotten. (CHUCKLES) HB, old man. Hey. Behave, you boys. Surprise. Surprise. Wow. Did you think you'd turn 42 and not have a fuss made? Well, it is the answer to everything. Well, it is the answer to everything. It is. She's keen. How do you mean? How do you mean? Check out the body language. Obvious much? Maggie went down at Nicky's ` no problem. Maggie went down at Nicky's ` no problem. Great. That's good. Maggie went down at Nicky's ` no problem. Oh no. What? Oh, that guy over there ` eating corn chips; red shirt. Crap. Andrea's here. What? With the guy in the red shirt. Me and her, we had a thing. It didn't end well. In what way? She tried to top herself. She tried to top herself. Oh no. Well, what's she doing with Marty the gambler? She tried to top herself. Eh? Your Marty the gambler? Who maxed out your credit card? Eh? Your Marty the gambler? Who maxed out your credit card? Who maxed out your credit card? And took all my life savings and sold all my furniture. God. Please don't let him see me. Please don't let him see me. Nah, look, it's OK. You're with me now. MAN: Look around. As the Favourites come out, it begins. Working as the Dream team. Nice! Ah. The flirt. Classic! Cadbury Favourites. I'm having a rather unpleasant flashback. I'm having a rather unpleasant flashback. Oh, I know! You'd think she was still his wife. unpleasant flashback. You'd think she was still his wife. You'd think she was still his wife. He did buy into her house after the arborist flew the coop. You'd think she was still his wife. You'd think she was still his wife. Why isn't Catherine back? Do you know? Why isn't Catherine back? Do you know? She's in Santa Monica with Celeste ` Why isn't Catherine back? Do you know? and Jules. Catherine wouldn't go back there. Catherine wouldn't go back there. Hmm. Honey, I think our immediate Catherine wouldn't go back there. Honey, I think our immediate issue is right here. Honey, I think our immediate issue is right here. Good lord. She's not subtle. Honey, I think our immediate (GROANS) Sluz! We so need to run interference ` fast. Let's go to the bar. Hello, Brian. Hello, Brian. Gidday, Andrea. How are you? How are you? Yeah, good. You? I'm very good, thank you ` very very good. That's excellent. That's excellent. Work's going well, and I'm living with someone. That's excellent. What's so unbelievable about that? I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. No, it was the way you said 'right'. 'Right,' as if, 'Who would wanna be with Andrea?' 'Who would wanna be with Andrea?' I don't think I said it like that. 'Who would wanna be with Andrea?' I don't think I said it like that. We're in a gospel choir together. 'Who would wanna be with Andrea?' I don't think I said it like that. Marty the gambler's in a gospel choir? Marty the gambler's in a gospel choir? What did you say? Marty the gambler's in a gospel choir? Nothing. How did you even know his na`? Has Jo been talking about me? How did you even know his na`? Has Jo been talking about me? No. Martin had some issues in the past, but he's better now. Gambling is an addiction, like drinking ` or sex. I never heard you complaining. I never heard you complaining. That's because I was good at faking it. I never heard you complaining. Bullshit. I never heard you complaining. Bullshit. But I'm much better now. Emma? (CHUCKLES) It is you. (CHUCKLES) Hi, Marty. Wow. I mean` I'm so glad I just... I tried to contact you a while back, but, uh, you'd changed your email. Yeah. I kind of had to after you hacked into my account. Yeah. I kind of had to after you hacked into my account. Yeah. Christ. I... I feel so bad about that. It's` It's history now. It's` It's history now. Yeah. Um, are you still teaching? Part-time. I've got a baby girl. Wow. Wow. Mm. Wow. Mm. That is fantastic. Wow. Mm. Yeah. Cheers. (CHUCKLES) I realised I had to take responsibility for the types of men that were coming into my life. Who's Emma talking to? Marty the gambler. Marty the gambler. His name is Martin, and he's not a gambler any more. Wow. That's Marty the gambler. Mm. Mm. DING! DING! DING! OK, everyone. I won't bore you for too long. OK, everyone. I won't bore you for too long. God, why's she boring us at all? I just wanted to thank you all for coming and to say happy birthday to Mac ` one of the nicest men on the planet. Mac is good and kind, and he works in advertising. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Yes, I know that is a contradiction in terms, but that is Mac Delaney ` truly complex, truly decent and loved by all who meet him, especially his children and his many friends. Happy birthday, Mac. Happy birthday, Mac. ALL: Happy birthday! And now, a little something we prepared earlier. Oh, wow. (CHUCKLES) # A winning love is hard enough to find. # And when you've got it, don't leave it behind. # Shouldn't you oughta be # in love? # Wouldn't you rather be # in love? # Shouldn't you oughta be # in love? # Wouldn't you rather be # in love? # CHEERING, APPLAUSE UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS Frank looks like he was born to be in the spotlight. Frank looks like he was born to be in the spotlight. Yeah, he's a talent, all right. Frank looks like he was born Right, who wants to dance? What's the story with the ex? She single? What's the story with the ex? She single? What, you're interested in Jo? What's the story with the ex? She single? hot. You'd be all right with it? Go for it, Cory. The way's clear. Good man. (CLICKS FINGERS) THE MUTTON BIRDS' 'DON'T FIGHT IT, MARSHA, IT'S BIGGER THAN BOTH OF US' PLAYS # But I'd rather... # ...you were still with me. # Perhaps we can arrange something. # Arrange something. # BOTH LAUGH BOTH LAUGH You have a great voice. Why have I not heard it before? Well, there wasn't a lot of singing at the pokie machines, uh, to be honest, so... BOTH CHUCKLE It's so good we can laugh about this now. It's so good we can laugh about this now. It is. I suppose we could dance? No, thanks. No, thanks. No need to be rude. Why is she laughing? You jealous, Brian? 'Course not. 'Course not. You should be. Marty is very funny, and a very sensitive lover. Until this year, I'd never had a proper orgasm. Until this year, I'd never had a proper orgasm. Would you shut up, Andrea? My God. You're such a prick. Yeah, if you say so. Yeah, if you say so. You know nothing about women, Brian ` nothing. Oh, you're Brian, eh? Em's other half. That's right. That's right. She's a hell of a woman ` real kind; generous. Yeah, she is. Yeah, she is. Right. Well, um, make sure you look after her, eh? Yeah, she is. I'm sorry, you were telling me how to look after her? Well, it's just a saying, mate. Well, it's just a saying, mate. When I first met Emma, do you know what she was doing? Well, it's just a saying, mate. Well, it's just a saying, mate. Paying off a loan, because someone had maxed out her credit card. Yeah, I feel ba` Yeah, I feel ba` Until I sorted it for her. That's good of you. It's great you got a little girl together. That's good of you. It's great you got a little girl together. You owe me 10K, cocksucker. I'm not in a position to do that at the moment ` kinda skint. You should be ashamed of yourself. I had some issues in the past, man, but I've worked really hard to get well. How old's your little girl? You still owe me 10K, mate. Eh? Oi! I haven't finished with you yet. We need to go, honey. We need to go, honey. Ooh. Can I just finish my drink? We need to go, honey. Ooh. Can I just finish my drink? No, I think we should go now. You treat someone like shit, then you forget all about it? You treat someone like shit, then you forget all about it? Leave him alone, Brian. You treat someone like shit, then you forget all about it? You treat someone like shit, Andrea and I are just leaving. Good to see you, Em. What's going on? Andrea and I are just leaving. Good to see you, Em. What's going on? Oi! You get your hands off her. Can I suggest you talk to someone about your aggression? Can I suggest you talk to someone about your aggression? What did you say? Can I suggest you talk to someone about your aggression? Bastard! You mad bitch! You mad bitch! Don't talk about my partner like that! You mad bitch! Hey, hey, hey. Break it up, boys. Break it up. You are just as big a prick as you ever were, Brian King (!) You are just as big a prick as you ever were, Brian King (!) Yeah, nice to see you too (!) You are just as big a prick as Oh. Oh. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh, she broke my n` Arghh! Another wine? (SCOFFS) (SCOFFS) Man, you can't win with some women. Man, you can't win with some women. You gonna go after her? (SIGHS) Hey, sorry about the aggro. Ah. It's starting to become a tradition. You got into a fight on my 30th. You got into a fight on my 30th. Oh, that's right ` with what's-his-knuckle Wilson. He thought I was trying to shag his missus. He thought I was trying to shag his missus. CHUCKLES: Yes. I wasn't trying. I'd already been there. I wasn't trying. I'd already been there. (LAUGHS) But this is different. I'm sticking up for Emma. How could she just forgive and forget, after what that arsehole did to her? Guess she's good like that, huh? All right, time to kick the stayers out and clean up. Nah, not you, mate. Get home to Emma. Nah, not you, mate. Get home to Emma. No, I'm on clean-up ` Nah, not you, mate. Get home to Emma. otherwise Jo will witch my ass. She's taking Frank and Noah home. Yeah? Yeah? Mm. Nah, it's got to be done properly, or she won't get her bond back. Nah, it's got to be done properly, or she won't get her bond back. Are you worried about Jo? Nah, it's got to be done properly, or she won't get her bond back. I'm scared of her. There's a difference. I'm scared of her. There's a difference. (LAUGHS) I'll finish up. Mate, you can't clean up after your own party. Mate, you can't clean up after your own party. I've got some helpers. And you have someone that you need to get home to. have someone that you need to get home to. Yeah, I guess. have someone that you need to get home to. Mm. Happy birthday, mate. Happy birthday, mate. (CHUCKLES) The coast is clear. Jo's gone. The coast is clear. Jo's gone. And Mac? The coast is clear. Jo's gone. Yus! Mission accomplished! We've protected our friend's virtue. RICHARD: A great party. RICHARD: A great party. Yeah. Catherine will be gutted she missed it. What now? Nightcap? RICHARD: A great party. RICHARD: A great party. We're not letting you slink off by yourself. I might just head home and crash. We're not letting you slink off by yourself. I might just head home and crash. I've got a nice single malt at home. Tempting? How about breakfast tomorrow, eh? How about breakfast tomorrow, eh? Deal. Call us when you wake up. Night, mate. Night, mate. Thanks for coming. Mwah. Happy birthday, buddy. Mwah. Happy birthday, buddy. Goodnight. Whew. Well, I'll move these wastrels off. I'll move these wastrels off. (CHUCKLES) I'll move these wastrels off. You could come along. You could come along. No, I'm good, mate. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Thank you. I'm sorry about Catherine. Why are you sorry? Why are you sorry? I'm not. Not at all. Just a bit pissed. BOTH CHUCKLE BOTH CHUCKLE Come on ` taxi van awaits. Laters. Laters. Goodnight. Hey. Um, sorry about all that, with what's-his-face. Um, sorry about all that, with what's-his-face. It's fine. Um, sorry about all that, with what's-his-face. You're pissed off at me. You're pissed off at me. I don't want to talk about it. You're pissed off at me. I don't want to talk about it. I knew it. You're pissed off at me. I don't want to talk about it. Why am I the one being punished? Why am I the one being punished? I said I don't want to talk` Why am I the one being punished? I said I don't want to talk` No, no, no, screw that. The way that arsewipe treated you, after everything he did, you would just let that go? Would you rather I didn't let things go? (SCOFFS) So this is about me? No, Brian. It's not about you. No, Brian. It's not about you. You were dancing with the guy. You were laughing; flirting. No, Brian. It's not about you. You'd be happy if it was me and one of my exes? You'd be happy if it was me and one of my exes? Brian, I don't care what you do. Is that why you're on the drugs? Is that why you're on the drugs? What? Is that why you're on the drugs? What? You know, because you don't feel it. Is that why you're on the drugs? It's fine most of the time. And what's that got to do with it? You gave me shit when you thought there was something with Jenna Brown. Well, I got it wrong. You know, she totally threw herself at me. When? A few weeks back. But I said no way, because I love you. I love you. Wouldn't really matter. Wouldn't really matter. Eh? If it's what you're gonna do, Wouldn't really matter. If it's what you're gonna do, it's what you're gonna do. If it's what you're gonna do, it's what you're gonna do. But I didn't. But if you did, I don't` it's what you're gonna do. But if you did, I don't` I didn't! If it's what you're gonna do, it's what you're gonna do. I don't think I'd mind. But if you did, I don't` I didn't! I don't think I'd mind. I thought things were good between us, but you don't even seem to want me. I appreciate you. Yeah, because I love you. And that's great. I really need to go to bed. I'm sorry for being grumpy. I really need to go to bed. I'm sorry for being grumpy. < You never say it any more. What? What? That you love me. We're fine. We're great, apart from when you go around hitting people. We're fine. We're great, apart from when you go around hitting people. So do you? We're fine. We're great, apart from when you go around hitting people. Do you love me or not? Brian, I am so tired. We have a thing that is working, and... This is my one chance for some unbroken sleep, so... Hey. Hey. Hey. VACUUM TURNS OFF Hey. VACUUM TURNS OFF Where's Brian? Hey. VACUUM TURNS OFF He's gone home. Unbelievable. It was his job. He needed to sort some things out with Emma. He needed to sort some things out with Emma. That's sweet. But you should not be cleaning up after your own party. But you should not be cleaning up after your own party. It's good to stay busy. What a sad sack. I had a great night. Thank you. It was my pleasure. What are you doing back here? What are you doing back here? Well, I am the bond holder, and the boys are having What are you doing back here? and the boys are having a Singstar tournament. and the boys are having a Singstar tournament. Singstar? and the boys are having I thought they were way past that. (CHUCKLES) How could something that came out in 2004 be retro? (CHUCKLES) How could something that came out in 2004 be retro? You're too ancient to know. (CHUCKLES) How could something You're three months older. Thought it might make the clean-up more bearable. < Who was it that Brian had a fight with on your 30th? < Who was it that Brian had a fight with on your 30th? (CHUCKLES, COUGHS) That guy Wilson. That guy Wilson. Oh, that's right. Brian means well. Well, he managed to snag Emma, so he can't be all bad. She's lovely. Well, he managed to snag Emma, so he can't be all bad. She's lovely. Mm. Well, he managed to snag Emma, so All your friends are lovely. That must say something about you. Must it? Must it? Mm-hm. You're a good friend to your friends. BOTH LAUGH Does that even make sense? No. Sorry. You said this stuff wasn't very strong. You said this stuff wasn't very strong. Andrea said it wasn't. Oh, God, I've wiped you out on your birthday. You have destroyed me. OK. That's... OK. That's... I know ` very wrong. I'm with Catherine. But where is she? She's where she needs to be,... I suppose. She's where she needs to be,... I suppose. I'm sorry. I'm not gonna stir. God, it's funny, isn't it? Last time we were here, in this exact place, it was 10 years ago. 12. 12. Could you have imagined then how we'd end up? I would have said it was never gonna be us. I still care about you. I know. Would a little closure be so wrong? I won't mention it to anyone ` promise. You shouldn't be alone on your birthday. JAZZ MUSIC MUSIC CONTINUES 1 1 1 1 CATHERINE: Hey. It's me. Crazy time zones ` I was asleep while you were having your party. I hope it was fun, and I hope you got your card. And, by the way, you are nothing like your father. I miss you. Captions by Richard Edmunds. www.tvnz.co.nz/access-services Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air.