* BELL RINGS HORN BLOWS LISA PLAYS THE BLUES Arrgh! Froggy, I'm home! Hi, little fella. Got some nice, juicy flies for you. Jeez, Louise! Look at this mess! I told that boy a billion times to pick up his ju... (YELPS) God damn! Son-of-a-..! Oof! I like to play with you! (GROANS) My back. There goes my back again. (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) D'oh! Go get help, boy. (GRUNTS) Oh, Maggie, my poor back. (GASPS) Dad! Homer, what happened?! The boy. Bring me the boy. Bart, if you had cleaned your room your father's trick back would still be aligned. So you pick up this mess right now! Clumsy Homer. Everything's always my fault. If he'd just watch where he was going... Hello. What have we here? (GASPS) A cherry bomb! I thought I blew all you guys up. People, people! No roughhousing on the monkey bars. You there! Tuck in your shirt. Watch it, I saw that. You have done awfully well for yourself, Spanky. Mother, don't call me Spanky on school grounds. Wow! A cherry bomb. What will you do with it? Watch out-- it's Skinner. Uh-oh. Good morning, Mr Skinner! Morning, boys. Why haven't you introduced me to your students, Spanky? BOYS GIGGLE Well? Mother, meet Milhouse, Lewis, Richard and Bart Simpson. The Bart Simpson you've talked about? Mm-hmm. But he looks so sweet. I am, Ma'am. Simpson! Let's move on now, Mother. Bye, Spanky. BOYS GIGGLE So you're flushing it? I got a weakness for the classics. I need to stop at the little girls' room. OK, Mother, this way. Hah-hah-hah! So long, sucker. EXPLOSION (LAUGHS) (SCREAMS) Hold it right there... Mother: Spanky. Mother? Homer: Oh, Marge. I still hurt. Marge?! Marge! How many times do I have to fluff your pillow? Actually, I was wondering if you could you make me a grilled cheese sandwich? Well, OK. Make sure it's squished flat and crunchy outside. I know, Homer. And maybe some of those little wieners that come in a can? And some fruit cocktail in heavy syrup. (GROWLS) Homer: Marge? Marge?! Marge!! Get the door! Principal Skinner! Hello, Mrs Simpson. There was a disturbing incident at school today. I'm out of here, man. Homer, Principal Skinner's here. Hello, Principal Skinner. I'd get up, but the boy crippled me. I understand completely. The disturbing incident I was referring to happened this morning, your son flushed an explosive device down the boys' lavatory. (LAUGHS) That old gag. My mother was in the girls' lavatory using the facilities. Oh, dear. Mr and Mrs Simpson, we've transcended incorrigible. Suspension or expulsion won't do the trick. I think it behooves us all to consider... deportation. Deportation? Kick Bart out of the country? Hear him out, Marge. Perhaps I was being a tad glib. Let me explain. Our school participates in a foreign exchange programme. A student is selected based on academic excellence or intelligence but in Bart's case I'm prepared to make an exception. If you play along he could spend the next three months studying far far away. Sounds great! Although a kid can't learn much in three months. You didn't even ask where Bart would go. He'd stay in France in a lovely chateau in the wine country. Bart doesn't speak French. When immersed in a foreign language, the average child can become fluent in weeks. What about Bart? He'll pick up enough to get by. This won't cost you a dime as long as you take in a student. Wait, Skinner. How do we know some French principal isn't pulling the same scam you are? You wouldn't get a French boy. You would get an Albanian. All white with pink eyes? No, no, a student from Albania. A country on the Adriatic sea. It sounds like a fantastic opportunity. But I think Bart should have a say. The life of a frog. That's the life for me. Bart, how would you like to spend the next three months living in France? France? Wow! He makes me crazy 12 months a year. At least you get the summer off. I'd get to take a plane? Yes, Bart. And one back? Mm-hmm. Bart seems very enthusiastic about the idea. Yes! Yes! Baby! Way to go! Bon voyage, boy! * Goodbye, my special little guy. You will write us, won't you? All the time. What do you know about France? I'm know I'm going and you're not. I'll miss you, son. While you're seeing all those great sights remember that you're representing your country. I guess what I'm saying is don't mess up France the way you messed up your room. OK, Dad. Is one of you going to be on the charter flight? Yes, sir. Bye. Be good. Umph! (SPEAKS ALBANIAN) (SPEAKS ALBANIAN) Hey, man, watch it! Oh! Hey, man, it's me, Bart Simpson. OK, kid, let's go. Bart: # Every little breeze seems to whisper Louise # Birds in the trees seem to (WHISTLES) Louise # La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la... # Ooh-la-la! How much longer, sir? This is where we're going, right? "Shart-oh mah-sun?" Ew, what a dump! Lisa: You know, in Albania the unit of currency is called the Lek. You got to be kidding! The national flag is a two-headed eagle on a red field. Give me the old Stars and Stripes. The main export is furious political thought. Political what? PA: Trans Albanian Airlines Flight Number two is now arriving. Man: Welcome to your new home. Escape is impossible. My name is Cesar. This is my nephew, Ugolin. You may find life here hard but if you shut up and do what we say the time will pass more quickly. He's right, you know. Well, OK, sir. Adil? Mother? Well, I guess for the next few months, yes. And this must be Lisa and Maggie and you must be my new father, Homer. Affectionate little Albanian, isn't he? Hey, come on. Quit being so grabby. BOTH GROWL Sorry, man. Be my guest. Principal: You may find his accent peculiar. Certain aspects of his culture may seem absurd or offensive but I urge you all to give Adil the benefit of the doubt. Only in this way can we hope to better understand our backward neighbours throughout the world. Thank you, Principal Skinner. Thank you, fellow students. Although I have only been here a few days I have already found Americans to be most trusting. Although officially I am required to hate you I want you to know I do not feel it in my heart. (WHISTLES) Hurry up, boy. My grapes are waiting for their water. (GROANS) Adil: How can you defend a country where five percent of the people control 95% of the wealth? I'm defending a country where people can think, act and worship freely. - Can not. - Can, too. Please kids. Stop fighting. Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil is right that the machinery of capitalism is oiled with the blood of the workers. Your father is right. We should not fight. Friends? Well, OK. Since that's settled, I'll clear the dishes. No, no. You've been oppressed enough today. I'll clear them. Oh, OK. Did you see that? This is how I've always wanted it to be. We've become a fully functioning family unit. We blamed ourselves, but it's clear which cylinder wasn't firing. Homer. Your paper-thin commitment to your children sends shivers down my spine. - Lisa! - She's just jealous. She'll get over it. If she doesn't, we'll exchange her. Homer! Just kidding. Can I have something with my turnip? When you work like a man, we'll feed you like one. Go to sleep. (SIGHS) Hey, hey. Come on. Move it, pal. Leave Maurice alone. The floor is good enough for you. Sleep there. (GRUBBING NOISES) Homer: Nice and cozy, Adil? Yes, thank you, Father. You can call me "Dad." All right, Dad. Aw, you called me Dad. Can I come visit you at the nuclear power plant? You want to see where I work? Yes, very much. My biological kids never wanted to see me at work. I can go? I'll have to pull strings with security but sure, you bet. Excellent. Now, watch me. You grab the grape between your thumb and forefinger and gently twist it off and drop it in the bucket. Now you do it. Very good. Now, do it a million times. Homer: See these? American doughnuts. Glazed, powdered and raspberry-filled. How's that for freedom of choice? Dad, do you think I may see your plutonium isolation module? Maybe. Hold on a second. Lenny, does this place have a plutonium isolation deal? Yeah, in sector 12. Sector 12? Third floor, by the candy. Oh, that sector 12. Come along, Adil. Ungrateful swine! We give you food and shelter and this is how you repay us?! HOMER LAUGHS You little shutterbug. Cheese. Oh, wait a minute. Stupid grapes. Bunch of creeps. I hate France. You sure have taken a shine to Adil. You have to admit he makes life easier around here. OK, I will if you admit you love Bart. OK, OK, I love Bart. Well? What? Well?! Oh... Adil's a very sweet boy. Darn tootin'. (MORSE CODE BEEPING) * (Marge's voice) "Dear Bart, how is France? "Why haven't you written? I guess you're having too much fun." Oh, yeah, right. Cesar: Silence! "Everyone here in the United States is fine. "We think Maggie may say her first word any day now. "Lisa got an "A" in math "which I'm only mentioning as news. "I'm not putting you down. "And your father, well, last night he went to sleep "talking about how much he loves you. "Remember to dress warm "and try to be as helpful as you can "to your adopted parents. "All my love-- Mom." Oh! BART SNEEZES > What are you doing? Get out of here! Sorry. On second thought... Bart? Bart, come here. Drink this. No thanks. This is France. It is customary for children to take a little wine. But there's antifreeze in there. Drink it! (BURPS) Oh, Bart? Oh... Oh... TEETH CHATTER You're a policeman, aren't you? Excusez moi. Je ne parle pas anglais. You got to help me. These two guys I'm staying with-- they work me day and night. Gentil garcon, voila un bonbon. I don't want a piece of candy. I need your... Mister, can you help me? Je suis desole. J'aimerais vraime pouvoir vous aide. Forget it. I'm so stupid. Anybody could have learned this dumb language by now. I've listened to nothing but French for... Honey, I'm home! Hello, Homer. What's that? Just some blueprints Adil wanted. He's such a curious little dickens. I bet he could build a nuclear power plant if he wanted to. Man: All right, Sparrow, we know you're in there. We'll give you one minute to surrender. Ooh. Trouble in the neighbourhood. Let's check it out. What did he do? Well, sir, the... We've been trailing a spy transmitting confidential information to an unfriendly nation. Ooh! Through radio triangulation we tracked him to exactly this point. That's all I can tell you. The name of his country starts with an "A." Time's up, Sparrow. We're coming in after you. Adil would get a kick out of seeing this. Adil? The Sparrow. (SPEAKS ALBANIAN) Adil! Oh, there you are. Get him! Au revoir, suckers! So he's going to prison? No, we've arranged for an exchange for one of our men caught in Albania. Sparrow, we meet again. Sometimes I think I am getting too old for this game. Kids, let's hurry. Goodbye, Simpsons. Thank you for your hospitality. I hope this experience will not sour you on the student exchange programme. - Bye, Adil. - Have a nice trip. Goodbye, Adil. I'll send you those civil defence plans you wanted. PA: Air France, flight dix neuf cent quatre-vingt huit is now arriving. Look, Mom, there he is! Oh, Bart, my baby! Hey, where's the big guy? HOMER: He means me. - Hey, boy. - Hey, Homer. He brought us gifts! His first unselfish act. Bart: ...so basically, I met one nice French person. Bart, I have something I must say. It's good to see you. Same here! I'd love a glass of that wine Bart brought us. Some wise guy stuck a cork in the bottle. Hear that, Marge? My boy speaks French! Captioned by the Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation. www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Able 2018