Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Able 2018 # Hums 'We Gather Together' # # 'Washington Post March' # Muffled scream Bart! Stop fighting with your sister! She took my glue. It's not yours, Bart. This is family glue. Stop it, you two. This is Thanksgiving, so glue friendly or I'll take your glue away. This isn't about glue. It's about territoriality. He only wants the glue because I'm using it. Oh, yeah? Prove it. Here. I don't want your stupid glue. Announcer: Here comes our friend, Bullwinkle J. Moose. Bullwinkle's antlers sprung a leak. Looks like Bullwinkle's kind of got a taste of his own medicine. He certainly did, Bill. Did what I say make sense? No, not really. Now I know how the Pilgrims felt. What are you talking about? Who the hell is that? Bullwinkle. Wait a minute. Who's that? Underdog. Don't you know anything? It wouldn't hurt to use cartoons made in the last 50 years. This is a tradition. You build a balloon for every flash in the pan cartoon character you'll turn the parade into a farce. Maggie, I'm about to unveil my centerpiece to the family. It's a tribute to the trailblazing women who made our country great. There's Georgia O'Keeffe, Susan B. Anthony and Marjory Stoneman Douglas. I'm sure you haven't heard of her. She worked her whole life to preserve the Florida Everglades. As one of the Simpson women would you like to contribute something to it? Oh, thank you. Honey, please, you're in the way. Can't I help you, Mom? OK. Can you do the cranberry sauce? Yeah! Where is it? The can is on the bottom shelf. Here? No, the other shelf. Got it. Now what? Open the can. No problemo. Where's the can opener? It's in the second drawer from the right. No, no, no. The other one. Oh, I got you. It's broken, Mom. Mom, it's broken. # Mom, it's broken # # Mom, it's broken # # Mom, it's broken # # Mom, it's broken. # I don't think it's broken, honey. Here, let me try. There you go. Cranberry sauce, a la Bart. Marge: Just stick it in the refrigerator when you're done. Bart? See, Maggie, those silver and blue guys are the Dallas Cowboys. They're Daddy's favorite team, and he wants them to lose by less than five and a half points. Sportscaster: He's open way down field. It's complete! Ooh, what a hit. Sportscaster #2: He's out cold. Sportscaster #1: They'll be feeding him Thanksgiving dinner through a tube. Homer, shouldn't you go pick up Grandpa? Half time, Marge, half time. Selma: Here come the cavalry. D-ohhh! You promised to be nice to my sisters. I know. I will. You brought food. Just a few things. Swedish meatballs. And my Trout Almondine. You knew that I was cooking a turkey. Which is fine. More power to you. Some people find your turkey a little dry. If they want an option, they'll have it. Hi, Patty. Hi, Selma. It's good to see you. Well, got to pick up my old man. So insincere. I don't know how she puts up with him. Mumbles angrily Announcer: And now, get set for our fabulous half time show featuring the well-groomed young go-getters of Hooray For Everything. Oh, I love those kids. They got such a great attitude. Ladies and gentlemen Hooray for Everything invites you to join them in the salute to the greatest hemisphere on earth-- the western hemisphere the dancingest hemisphere of all. # Do da do da do da da # # do da do da do da da # # Dancin', dancin', dancin' # # do da do da do da da... # Before we sit down to our delicious turkey puree I have some happy news. The following people have relatives who wish they could be here today: Antonowski, Conroy, Falcone, Martin, Thorson and Walsh. Oh, and Mrs Spencer you too. Oh, I knew they wouldn't forget me. Come on, Dad, let's go. What's your hurry? This place is depressing. Hey, I live here! I'm sure it's a blast once you get used to it. Mom, you made it. How are you? I have laryngitis. It hurts to talk so I'll just say one thing. You never do anything right. # Do da do da do da da # # do da do da do da da # # Dancin' dancin', dancin'! # Announcer: In the silver dome, now ablaze with flashbulbs as Hooray for Everything leaves the field. Of course, the stadium's much too big for flash pictures to work, but nobody seems to care. That's no way to lay a fire. Where's your kindling? This thing's going to be blowing any time now. Even a caveman could start a fire. Marge: Dinner! Dinnertime, everybody! The hell with this. OK, Lisa, we're ready for your centerpiece. Lisa, my goodness. That's very impressive. Holy moley that's the biggest... one of those I ever saw. I always said she was gifted. Definitely from our side of the family, right, Mom? Leave me alone. How long did that take you? I couldn't tell you. It was a labor of love. It's my homage to some American heroes who may not have fought in any wars... # Sings fanfare # Speaking of heroes, here's mine-- Tom Turkey. Chuckles Yikes, what is that? The centerpiece. It's taking up valuable real estate. Bart, stop it! Move it or lose it. Mom! I'm sure there's room for both. Bart, you're wrecking it! Let go! I worked forever on this! Ooh. Screams That got her going. Bitchin'. Bart! You don't care! Cries All right, Bart, that's it. Go to your room! Now! I'll take white meat and stuffing to go. Send up the Pumpkin Pie in 20 minutes. I said, now! Mom, do I have to? Yes, you do. I hope you're happy. You've ruined Thanksgiving! Finally, the kitchen. Something light. Like... Okarito. Okarito. Goes well with Alexandra. Oh, look. Whoa, pink. Or... Hot Water Beach. Very relaxing. Pinky, blue. It's not very kitchen-y. But it is pretty... nursery. Hmm. Nursery? Or we could go Rangitikei River. (GASPS) Oh! (LAUGHS) You little beauty! So, the nursery. * I didn't ruin Thanksgiving. I get blamed for everything. And Lord, we're especially thankful for nuclear power-- the cleanest, safest energy source there is except for solar, which is just a pipe dream. We'd like to thank you for the occasional moments of peace and love our family's experienced. Well, not today. You saw what happened. Oh, Lord, be honest. Are we the most pathetic family in the universe or what? All: Amen. Worst prayer yet. # Saxophone plays # D-ohhh! Why don't I go talk to the children. Don't worry. Marge will fix everything. Honey, your food is getting cold. Sniffles That's all right. Lisa, I'm very sorry about what happened. I poured my heart into that centerpiece. Things like that always happen in this family. I've noticed that too. Well, when you feel like coming down we'll be there. # Plays saxophone # Bart, you can come down to dinner as soon as you're ready to apologise to your sister-- a real apology in front of everybody and you have to mean it. Apologise? For what? Clearing the table? Having a sense of humour? If they think they can starve an apology out of me-- ha! Uh-oh. I mean... good! Grunts Homer: What are you doing? No! Drop that drumstick. Bad dog. Bad Santa's little helper. Come on, give me that. OK, out you go. Whimpers Hey, boy, come here. You're a good dog. Come on. We don't need them to get a Thanksgiving dinner. Barks Wow! Swanky. Mmm, delicious. Smithers, every year you outstrip yourself in succulence. Thank you, sir. Would you like some candied yams? Oh, no, I couldn't eat another bite. Dispose of all this. I did save room for your special pumpkin pie. It's cooling on the windowsill. Mmmm. Stay here, boy. Whimpers Alarm beeps Uh-oh. Alarm sounds Mr Burns this is Base Command. The intruder appears to be a young male. Release the hounds. Barks Gasps Ahh! Panicked grunting I saw the best meals of my generation destroyed by the madness of my brother. My soul carved in slices by spiky-haired demons. Whimpers Don't worry, boy. We'll get some grub even if we have to pay for it. Stomach growls Growls Birds chirp Machine gun fire Woman screams Cool-- the wrong side of the tracks. Siren wails Helicopter whirs overhead Police chatter on radio Twelve bucks? Hey, I can bleed. Woman: You've got to be 18 to sell your blood. Let's see some ID. Bart: Here you go, dollface. Woman: OK, Homer, just relax. Bart: Ow! At the risk of losing my voice let me just say one more thing. I'm sorry I came. When is that boy going to apologise? He sure is stubborn. Homer was never stubborn. He folded instantly over anything. It was if he had no will of his own. Isn't that true, Homer? Yes, Dad. Twelve bucks and a free cookie. What a country. Unlimited broadband now with Vodafone TV Intro ` it's TV like never before. Switch to Vodafone and get Vodafone TV Intro and three months' free unlimited broadband. That's over $640 of value. Finally, the kitchen. Something light. Like... Okarito. Okarito. Goes well with Alexandra. Oh, look. Whoa, pink. Or... Hot Water Beach. Very relaxing. Pinky, blue. It's not very kitchen-y. But it is pretty... nursery. Hmm. Nursery? Or we could go Rangitikei River. (GASPS) Oh! (LAUGHS) You little beauty! So, the nursery. * Cute little guy. He's starting to come around. You look pale, son. We better get you some food. Here we are. # Cheerful music plays # All right! Twelve big ones and free grub to boot. Viva, skid row! It's that anchor dude from Channel Six. He's doing one of those 'be thankful for what you got' stories. Anchor: Oh, we have lots of names for these people-- bums, deadbeats, losers, scums of the earth. We'd like to sweep them into the gutter or, if they're already in the gutter to some other out-of-the-way place. Oh, we have our reasons. They're depressing. They wear ragged clothes. They're crazy. They smell bad. Listen, man... Wait. I'm going somewhere with this. So, every year on one lone, conscience-salving day we toss these people a bone-- a turkey bone-- and that's supposed to make it all better. You won't find Freddy the Freeloader or Emmett Kelly or even Charlie Chaplin's beloved little tramp here... Pompous, blow-dried college boy. You know, his girl friend is the weather lady. You don't say? Everyone, Lisa wants to read us a poem she's written. Sounds interesting. OK. 'Howl of the Unappreciated' by Lisa Simpson. I saw the best meal... It's Bart! What show is this? How long have you been on the streets? Going on five years. Is there anything you'd like to say to your family? Yes, there is, Ken. Ha, ha, I didn't apologise. Oh, no. My sweet, little Bart. Hello, operator? Give me the number for 911. Thanks for your help. This reporter smells another local Emmy. Yeah, we're rooting for you, guy. You got someplace to sleep, Bart? Yeah, there's this family I hang out with. Sounds pretty sweet. Yeah, I guess it is. See you at Christmas. Listen, guys, I was thinking... unless you feel weird taking money from a kid I thought maybe... I wouldn't feel weird, would you? No, I'm comfortable with it. Will you forget the report? He's down at the Rescue Mission. He's long gone. Can you think of any reason he might have run away? Well, we did kind of yell at him and sent him to his room and tried to force him to apologise to his sister. Uh-huh. And I said he ruined Thanksgiving. Oh, I see. Best Thanksgiving ever eh, boy? Good bye. I'm sure Bart will be back. I would say something comforting but, you know, my voice. Let's go! If I'm not back by nine they declare me legally dead and collect my insurance. Homer, this is a terrible thing but we can't blame ourselves. We can and will. Children need discipline. You can ask any advice columnist. Marge, are we ever going to see him again? Hey, I'm home. Bart, you're home! Oh, my special little guy. We were so worried. It's great to have you back, boy. We were afraid we'd lost you. Welcome back, Bart. I'm sorry we had such a terrible fight. Bart, isn't there something you'd like to say to your sister? OK. I'm sorry too. No, no, no, that won't do at all. Yeah, boy. Get on your knees and beg for forgiveness! Yeah, beg me, Bart. Beg me! Lisa, I beg of you, please, forgive me. Evil laugh Marge: We can blame him for everything! It's your fault I'm bald! I'm sorry. It's your fault I'm old! I'm sorry. It's your fault I can't talk! I'm sorry. It's your fault America has lost its way. I'm sorry. It's all your fault. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I'm sorry, all right. Sorry I came back here. Aha! Grunts Whoa! My whiffle balls! My frisbees! My water rockets! I've hit the jackpot! At the Superbowl, Simpson down by six. Simpson fades back. He's got Simpson in the open. Touchdown Simpson! The boy nobody wanted just won the Superbowl! Imitating crowd cheering Dear Log, my brother is still missing and maybe it's my fault because I failed to take his abuse with good humour. I miss him so much already that I don't know... Lisa sobs Whispering: Hey, Lise. Lisa. It's me, Bart. Bart, where are you? Shh. I'm on the roof. Grunts Bart, what are you doing up here? Everybody's worried. Really? Did they cry? Yes. Whoa, bull's-eye. Bart, why did you burn my centerpiece? Aw, come on. Was it because you hate me or because you're bad? I don't know why I did it. I don't know why I enjoyed it and I don't know why I'll do it again. Tell me you're sorry. Why should I? Bart, the only reason to apologise is if you look deep down inside yourself and you find a spot something you wish wasn't there. Because you feel bad you hurt your sister's feelings. Leave me alone. Just look! OK, OK. Muttering: Looking for the spot. Still checking. This is so stupid. I'm not going to find anything. Just because I wrecked something she worked really hard on and I made her cry. Uh-oh. I'm sorry, Lisa. Apology accepted. You know, Marge, we're great parents. Oh Lord, on this blessed day, we thank thee for giving our family one more crack at togetherness. All: Amen. Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Able 2018