I was waiting and waiting, and then I heard sirens coming, and I saw an ambulance charging along the beachfront, and I was wondering what was going on. And I stood and I watched, and I thought, 'That looks like somebody's drowned. 'But why would somebody drown today?' Because the sea was so calm. It was the most beautiful day. The IRB came roaring across and said, 'Are you Norma?' I said, 'Yep.' They said, 'Get in the boat. It's your husband,' and I just knew. VOICE BREAKS: I just said, 'No, no.' (GASPS) When you get married, they say that two will become one, and we were like one. When Rob died, I felt like I was half and that there was a half missing from me. We were married for 45 years. We were each other's best friends, and we did absolutely everything together. We'd spent our whole lives trying to save and work up to our retirement so that we could go and do stuff together. (POIGNANT MUSIC) So six months before he died, we bought a bigger campervan, and he spent all of that time putting solar panels on and fixing it up, because he wanted to go to South Island. But we had so many adventures together and so many more planned. On the morning that Rob died, it was Boxing Day and the children were here. Rob absolutely loved the water. He loved Donut Island, and if ever we had visitors, he would take them there. He was on his kayak. My oldest daughter was next to him, on another kayak, with a 9-year-old granddaughter. And as they started paddling out, she heard a splash, and she turned around, and the kayak was upside down. She pulled the kayak off, and she could see he was in a bad way. Some people came to help her, and they managed to get him onto about knee-deep rocks, and they tried to do mouth-to-mouth, but there was nothing anybody could've done. If Rob had to write his own time of going, he couldn't have written it better than that. It was quick; there was no pain; he didn't suffer; he had his family around him; he was in the place he loved the most. But for me, it was hard. Yeah. But it was a real` But that part was what carried me through ` the fact that it was the most perfect place and the most perfect time for him. (POIGNANT MUSIC) The beach has always been a place of peace for me, and it's still a place of peace. People were giving me hugs on the beach right from day one. I went down` The day after he died, I was down there. There was a young girl of about 12 or 13, (VOICE BREAKS) and she came up to me, and she hugged me. She didn't say a word. She just walked up to me and put her arms around me, and she hugged tight, with tears in her eyes, and then she walked away. That meant such a lot. It's just that physical contact. It's hugely important. Yeah, because it's not only that he's not there, like he's gone on holiday or he's just away, but he's not there ` never coming back. (POIGNANT MUSIC) We have a lot of laughs, give each other a hug in the morning, make sure she's all right. Sometimes, she's a bit sadder than others, but she's not allowed to be that for long. Oh, I just made sure she was OK, really. Yeah. It was pretty traumatic. (POIGNANT MUSIC) You gotta reach out to people so that they know that you're gonna be there, you know? Even if they seem to be not responding or anything, you know, over time, that it helps, and friends have to be there. You know, my dad always told me, years ago, that you can always rely on your friends, and never, ever let them down. And that's what it's about, you know. You can't live without friends. You know, your family are there, but they're busy, and they don't really see Mum as needing anything. You know? 'Well, why can't you cope? You know, you've got your house, a car, the campie. 'You got everything, so why can't you cope?' But they don't realise the traumatic side of it. You know, when you shut the door at night and you close the curtains, that's it, you know? Everybody else is on with their lives, and you miss that person who's always there to talk to. That, to me, I think, is the hardest. She's brought laughter into my life, which is a hard thing. It makes a huge difference. Somebody said to me right at the start is that, 'If people invite you to do things, don't say no.' Yeah. Just get out of the house; get into the open. You've got to make sure you just do it. Whether you're young, whether you're old, just do it, because you'll find that there's other people who are feeling the same and are going through the same. Everybody's got their own private hurts, insecurities. Just do it. (POIGNANT MUSIC) I know a couple of older people who are on their own and who are really scared that they might die one night, and nobody will know. And that's really important ` if you know older people, to maybe phone them regularly or make sure there's a neighbour that can contact them or watch them. I think it's a huge danger to think that you're being a nuisance to somebody else. I think it's a huge danger to keep things to yourself and withdraw to try and manage. I think in a community like Whangamata, people are wanting to help. (POIGNANT MUSIC) St John just came up with a scheme for people to help the full-time staff with any tasks they wish to ask us to assist with. Essentially, it's a social thing where we'll go round, maybe do a crossword with somebody, help them read something. (POIGNANT MUSIC) My loss was, um, six years ago, when my wife, Aileen, passed away. She had a wonderful heart, and, um, I honestly consider that no man could have had a better wife than me. I decided after going through the 'poor old me ` how am I gonna handle this?' sort of feeling, realising that she would be saying, 'Get off your backside and keep moving,' I knew the circumstances of her departure weren't going to change. What had to change was me. And in this community, it's been a blessing in disguise that, um,... there's so many people that have been touched by the same type of thing here, that people know how you feel. You know what's in people's hearts before they have to say a thing, and very often, you don't have to say very much at all. I think you've got to force yourself to get out and do stuff. I could easily curl up and sit and do some puzzles, and that's almost, like, my withdrawal mode ` to just sit in my chair and do some puzzles. And I've got to say, 'No. You've done this for half an hour. That's it. Get up now.' And also, I don't want to let Rob down, in a way. I want to try and do stuff that he would've done. I've washed the campervan down; I've made myself... with Kay's help, made myself learn to drive it. And that's motivated me to keep going, and I've been away about 12 times now. One day, I have to go to South Island, because that's unfinished business. And I'm going to get there, but I'm still plucking up courage. I'm gonna have to do it for him. (POIGNANT MUSIC) Captions by Maeve Kelly Edited by Jake Ebdale. Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.