* (Bell rings) (Whistle blows) (Plays the blues) Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Able 2018 Announcer: Live from the Springfield Centre for the Performing Arts the wrestling match of the century. Today, Rasputin, The Friendly Russian. Didn't he used to be The Mad Russian? Yes, but history has changed wrestling... perhaps forever. And the challenger from the University of Heidelberg Professor Werner von Brawn. Two titans at the height of their careers. If you ask me this will be one hell of a match. Bart, I hope you're not taking this seriously. Even a five-year-old knows this is as choreographed as ballet. Rasputin's got the reach but the professor's got his patented 'coma lock'. If you ask me, this will be one hell of a match. Oh, look at that show-off. Kissing his own muscles. (Burps) Rasputin is spinning the professor like an auto-gyro. That's disorienting. Hey, Milhouse, crank it up. Hey, that's my seat. Correction: Was your seat. But I only got up to go to the can. I don't see your name engraved on this bar stool. One... two... three... four... five... six... seven... eight... nine... The ref is issuing a warning to Rasputin. Crowd: Boo! Announcer: Oh, my, oh, my! Why is the referee permitting this? Crowd: Boo! Boo! Hiss! Boo! Hiss! Boo! Boo! Boo! This Saturday your life will change forever. Saturday, Saturday, Saturday at the Springfield Speedway-- Don 'Cruncher' Willard! John "the skunk" Tremaine! and Team Kamaratsu dirt-riding dunk-masters! At the Monster Truck Rally! One night only. Plus the amazing the astounding, the unbelievable-- Truckasaurus! Twenty tonnes and four storeys of car-crunching fire-breathing, prehistoric insanity! Whoa! Whoa! One night only at the Springfield Speedway this Saturday. If you miss this, you're going to be dead. And if you're in jail, break out! Be there! Be there! Be there! Truckasaurus! Truckasaurus! I have an announcement to make. As a family growth thing, we should all go to the Monster Truck Rally this Saturday. Aren't you forgetting something? Uh... Monster Truck Rally... growth thing... I don't think so. Lisa's recital is Saturday night. I'll be playing my first solo. If you miss it Saturday look for a child therapist Sunday. But Truckasaurus is one night only! Oh, cruel fate, why do you mock me? (Cries) Come on, you two. What time does your little truck game start? Eight o'clock, but what does it matter? Well, Lisa's recital starts at five o'clock. We can go to both. Marge, you're a genius. People, people. Quiet down now, please. Don't make me flick the lights on and off. Thank you. Ladies, gentlemen, parents and music lovers. Welcome to the first in a series of Saturday evening concerts. Series? D-ohhh! Tonight, Sherbert's... Schubert's Unfinished Symphony. Unfinished. This shouldn't take long. Remember, children, stay together. Five, six, seven eight... # Unfinished Symphony plays # # Saxophone solo # That was beautiful. Can we go now? Sit down, Homer. How much longer was Sherbert planning on making this piece of junk? Oh, my, Lisa was wonderful. She has come a long way with her fingering. Thanks, Flanders. Big know-it-all. When's Todd's solo, Dad? Shh. It's coming up, son. It's coming up. # Violin solo begins # (SNIFFLES) My son, my son. Come on, Flanders. He's not that bad. # 1812 Overture # (Applause) Homer hums # 1812 Overture # I reached him. Homer, drive defensively. Sometime's the best defense is a good offense. Faster, Dad. Bart: Truckasaurus awaits. Homer: Damn, no spots. Oh, I think there's one over there. Dad? Not now, Lisa. Come on. Homer? What!? It's Truckasaurus! Where? Where? (Screams) * Pull, you dogs. Mechanic: Let's see here. Cracked windshield, melted bumpers punctured radiator, teeth marks on the trunk... on the plus side there doesn't seem to be any frame damage. This check should take care of everything. Thank you so much. Uh, Mrs Simpson? I'm Leo G Clarke, inventor, owner and operator of Truckasaurus. Let me just say that Truckasaurus feels very badly about what happened and everyone here at team Truckasaurus would like you to enjoy this half bottle of domestic champagne for being such good sports. Hm, well, thank you! Gee, everyone's so nice here at the Monster Truck Rally. Homer, champagne! (Homer groans) Announcer: And now Majestic Undercoating is proud to present... Ms Monster! Wow, a woman mud-pool driver. Another barrier broken. Right on, sister! Let the destruction begin! Hey, they forgot my corn dog. Give me some nachos, Homersaurus. Here you go, Bartasaurus. Announcer: For our last event, we have a surprise guest-- the world's greatest daredevil. The man who's no stranger to danger. If he's not in action, he's in traction. Captain Lance Murdock. (Cheers and Oohs) Ladies and gentlemen and especially little children I'm glad you're all here to witness what may very well be my grizzly death. Tonight, my most dangerous stunt. I will death defy both nature and gravity by leaping over this tank of water filled with man-eating great white sharks, deadly electric eels, ravenous piranhas, bone-crushing alligators and, perhaps the most frightening of all, the king of the jungle, one ferocious lion. (Laughs) I almost forgot. To add a real element of danger, one drop of human blood. And on chance I don't survive, let me just say: seat belts save lives, so buckle up. This is so cool. I can't watch. He made it! (Cheers) (Gasps) Bitchin'. Announcer: He's OK, folks. (Cheers) What a fun-filled evening. Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen the ten-year-old who's brave and bold. When he's not in class, he's risking his ass. The world's greatest daredevil, Bart Simpson. Bart! Bart! Bart! Bart! Bart! Bart! Bart! Bart! Bart! Bart! Bart! Bart! Bart, Bart. We're home, son. Dad, I want to be a daredevil. Kids say such stupid things. You're crazy, Bart. You'll never make it. Spare me your lectures, ladies. Oh, no, he's hurt. Bad. Let's get out of here. Oh, my little boy. Marge, we're mad at him. Are you all right? Better than all right. I got stitches. Eww. Eww. Probably a scar too. Bart tells me he injured himself training for a career in death defiance? Yes, we saw a daredevil last night and you know, monkey see, monkey do. I know something that might discourage him from this sort of behavior. In this ward are the children who have been hurt by imitating stunts they saw on television movies and legitimate stage. This little boy broke his leg trying to fly like superman. This boy's brother hit him in the head with a wrench mimicking a recent TV wrestling match. I won't even subject you to our Three Stooges ward. I never realized TV was such a dangerous influence. As tragic as all this is it's a small price for countless hours of top-notch entertainment. Amen, huh, Bart? Has Dr Hibbart made his point? He certainly has, Dad. I learned a real lesson here today. Thank you, Dr Hibbart. I did it. Wow! All right! (Cheers) Way happening, Bart. Awesome! - You're the king. - That was so cool. How about a hand for these brave little animals. (Cheers) (Cheers) Huh? Huh? Oh... Hi, kids. Thanks. OK, field trippers, off the bus. What's the matter, Bart? You kids get a kick out of my jumps and I love you for it, but it's all too easy. There has got to be a challenge worthy of me. Hello, children and welcome to Springfield Gorge. Bart: Wow! This thing's pretty gnarly. You could throw a dead body in there and no one would find it. I'm going to leap over Springfield Gorge on my skateboard. As the only adult here, I feel I should say something. What? Cool! Finally, the kitchen. Something light. Like... Okarito. Okarito. Goes well with Alexandra. Oh, look. Whoa, pink. Or... Hot Water Beach. Very relaxing. Pinky, blue. It's not very kitchen-y. But it is pretty... nursery. Hmm. Nursery? Or we could go Rangitikei River. (GASPS) Oh! (LAUGHS) You little beauty! So, the nursery. * # Man hums 'Purple Haze' # Hey, Otto, can I use that microphone? #Do-do-do da-do-do-do... # Sorry, Bart dude, it's for emergencies only. I want to tell them about my jump. Oh. OK. Your attention, please. Saturday I'm jumping over Springfield Gorge on my skateboard. There is a good possibility I will plunge to my death. Hope to see you there. Springfield Gorge?! Bart, you'll be killed! Lisa, I don't know how to explain this, but I get the same thrill out of jumping over stuff that you do from... reading. Please, before you do anything there's someone I'd like you to talk to. Thank you for arranging this. Oh, anything I can do to stem the tide of entertainment-related injury. You're about to meet the world's greatest daredevil, Lance Murdock. Lance, this is Lisa and Bart Simpson. Bart is one of your biggest fans. It's an honor, Lance. How you feeling? Uh... I.. Ow! Doc, I heard a snap. Mmm. I'm afraid the bone's broken. Well, that's all of them. Don't worry, partner. I've broken that thumb dozens of times. I bet you'd like an autograph. Who should I make this out to? Just Bart will be fine, sir. 'To Bart. Thanks for visiting me. 'Your visit was a ray of sunshine on an otherwise cloudy day. Your pal, Captain Lance Murdock.' Wow, man. Thanks, Lance. Take this thing out of my mouth. My brother is thinking about jumping Springfield Gorge on a skateboard. Could you leave me with the young'uns, please? Let me start by saying good for you, son. It's good to see young people interested in danger. A lot of people will tell you you're crazy. Maybe they're right, but the fact is bones heal, chicks dig scars and the United States of America has the best doctor-to-daredevil ratio in the world. But Captain Murdock... Thanks, Lance. You're welcome. Tell the nurse I'm ready for my sponge bath... another fringe benefit. Nurse? Homer: Springfield Gorge?! I thought we settled this junk. Squealer. I'm sorry, but if you got hurt or died despite the extra attention I'd receive, I'd miss you. I forbid you to jump over that gorge. You can't. I can and do. Go to your room. I'm glad somebody stepped in and put an end to this nonsense. Hey, man, there's no way you can watch me 24 hours a day. The minute your back is turned I'm grabbing my skateboard and heading for that gorge. He's got us, Marge. There's nothing we can do. He's as good as dead. You've got to try and reason with him. That never works. He's a goner. Come on, Homer. A heart-to-heart talk with your son. You've got to try. OK, OK. I'll try. Bart? Bart? Bart! What are you doing? Nothing. You were on your way to jump the gorge. Maybe. I can't stop you. The only thing I can do is ask you to promise you won't jump the gorge. OK. I promise. D-ohhh! What's the matter? You didn't mean that. This isn't a phony baloney promise I don't expect you to keep. If you promise, you have to keep it. Why? Because if you don't I'll never believe you ever again. Oh, come on. I mean it, boy. Well, OK, Dad. I promise. I will not jump Springfield Gorge. That's my boy. How did it go, Homer? You know, Marge, we got a pretty good kid. He's got a pretty good father. Where is he? I thought he said noon. He's just doing this to build suspense. What a showman. Look! There he is. Hey, boy, want to toss the old..? D-ohhh! Why, that little liar! I was going to play pickle with him. (Crowd oohs and aahs) (Tires screech) Bart! Boo! Boo! Hey, what gives? I tried ordering you, punishing you and I even tried reasoning with you and the only thing left for me to do is jump the gorge. What? Why? Because you'll see what it's like to witness a family member risking his life for no good reason. But Dad, you'll never make it. Don't you think I know that? Good-bye, son. Wait, Dad! Don't do it! I won't jump any more, I promise. Oh, thank God, thank God, thank God. I love you, Dad. I love you, too, son. You know, boy, I don't think I've ever felt as close to you as I do right... Huh? What? (Screams) Ooh! Ooh! I'm going to make it! This is the greatest thrill of my life. I'm king of the world. Wahoo! Wahoo! (Screams) Ow! Ooh! Oh! Ow! Ow! Ooh! (Homer screams) Ow! Aah! Ow! Homer: You think you got guts. Try raising my kids. www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Able 2018