Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2018 (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC) (THUNDER CRASHES) (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC CONTINUES) (THUNDER CRASHES, TEETH CHATTER) (SCREAMS) (THUNDER RUMBLES) ELLIOT: It was a dark and stormy night. The storm was electrical. No rain. Too bad, because we could use some. (SNARLS) (WOLF HOWLS IN DISTANCE) (DEEP, RUMBLING GROWL) (SNARLING) OK, everybody. (WHOOSH!) (WHOOSH!) (THUNDER CRACKS) Joke's over! Come on out. (DEEP, RUMBLING GROWL) Ian? Is that you? (ANGRY GROWL) I'm pretty vulnerable out here. I'm just a doe, a deer, a female deer, out in the woods, all alone. Where are ya goin', ya simple lass? To check on that noise. I wanna make sure it isn't a scary monster. Only a buffoon in a horror movie investigates creepy sounds instead of running away. Now, stand back while I investigate instead of running away. (VICIOUS SNARLING) By those claw marks, I'd wager that's none other than the Wailing Wampus Werewolf! Hold me! (SNARLING) I thought that was a legend. Aye. The legend lives! (HOWLS) (SNARLS) ELLIOT: They needed a hero, and they were about to get one. Who can protect us? I can! (HEROIC MUSIC) Elliot! You're just in time, lad! Oh, Elliot! I don't know how you find the courage. It just comes with being a Wailing Wampus Werewolf Whisperer. Say that three times, fast. Wailing Wampus Werewolf Whisperer. Wailing Rumpus Roofly Pluplets. Sweeling Rimplus Mumblets` (GROANS) I can't do it! I'm not as skilled as you. It's OK, McSquizzy. I'll handle this. The werewolf communicates through interpretive dance, and so can I. (ROARS) (FUNKY DANCE MUSIC) Elliot, please be careful. It's so dangerous. Danger is my maiden name. Now, stay here while I defend our home. (SNARLS, GROWLS) There goes the bravest and most handsomest mule deer that ever graced this earth. Moosepucky! Your story's a sac o' wee jobbies, ya daft tube. SQUIRRELS: Oi! Who tells a story in black and white anyways, ya jug-eared galoot? Hello (?) It's called atmosphere. Only a complete imbecile would ever believe such a ridiculous story about a werewolf. Uh, actually, I found your story quite convincing. Thanks, Boog. I can always count on you. There was no doubt about it ` that werewolf meant business. Blood business. (GASPS, TEETH CHATTER) Now, werewolves aren't like you and me ` unless you enjoy ripping lungs out of things. But, hey, who am I to judge? I'm sure there are some perfectly nice werewolves out there, just waiting to be friends. But not this werewolf. Oh, no. The Wailing Wampus Werewolf is a different breed. He stalks the forest, looking for the biggest, juiciest tub of lard he can find. (BUNNY SQUEAKS) (BUNNY SQUEAKS) One thing's for sure ` this werewolf wanted to devour me! (ALL GASP, LAUGH) (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) OK. All right. Time to turn in. ALL: Aww. But he was just getting to the best part. Yeah, Boog. This is where I really bring the scares home. (HOWLS) I stood face-to-face with the rabid beast. Oh, you poor dear. (TEETH CHATTER) I could smell its smelly breath. Ew. I bet he smelled awful. (SNIFFS) Its claws were long and sharp. (BUNNIES LAUGH NERVOUSLY) Well, you sure can paint a picture, Elliot. On that note` There was only one thing sharper than the werewolves' claws ` Keep it together, Boog. Come on. Go to your happy place. ...its deadly fangs! (YELLS) He's worse than the bunnies. Let's take a short intermission. There's refreshments at the lake ` and by that, I mean you can drink the lake, which is refreshing. I'll be right back. (BUNNIES SQUEAK) (PANTS) (BRANCHES CRACK IN DISTANCE) (WHIMPERS) Boog, that was awesome! You made the story so real! When you wet yourself, that really pushed it over the top. Yeah. Yeah, that's it ` I was trying to... help you sell your story. Thanks to you, that was the scariest one I told all week. These werewolf stories aren't actually true, are they? You have nothing to worry about. (SIGHS HAPPILY) They're absolutely true. The Wailing Wampus Werewolf is real and ready to pounce! That's what I was worried about. Wait a minute. You're actually afraid! Am not. Am too. Am not. Am too. Am not! (WHOOSH!) Am too, am too, am too, am too. Am... not? All right, I'm afraid. Happy now? Aha! I knew it! Wait. What are you afraid of? Listen, I didn't grow up in the woods. I lived in a cosy garage, remember? I had a comfort bed with my own blankie, a bowl with my name on it ` I think ` fishy crackers, and Wheel of Fortune on TV! Hey, is that a unicycle?! You got the best flashbacks, Boog. Point is ` I was safe. You'll be fine. You're the fattest animal in the forest. That's why the werewolf will come for me first ` I'm its main competition. I gotta get away. You are getting away. We're going on that camping trip, remember? I am not going camping with a monster out there. You can't bail on this trip. We've been planning it for three years. Think of the river-rafting, the boogie boards ` perfect for a guy named Boog ` zip lines, snorkelling, parasailing. It'll be relaxing. You expect me to relax when a werewolf is after me?! But you promised you'd go, and when you make a promise to a friend, that's a promise to the end. Because you never, ever, ever abandon your friend. Everyone knows that. I'm sorry, Elliot. I can't. I'm gonna build a panic room and hide until the werewolf dies from old age. So what's a panic room? It's a safe place you can lock yourself into to keep the werewolves out. First, you dig a hole. Say this acorn is me, and this ladybug is the werewolf. So the ladybug tries to eat me. See? But she can't. So you're afraid of ladybugs too?! (COUGHS) Therapy. (SIGHS) I, Elliot Deer Esquire Junior the Third, nee Danger, am hereby making it my mission to help you overcome your fear of the werewolf. And ladybugs. Please don't do anything. Don't worry, Boog. Nothing bad is going to happen. MR WEENIE: Something bad has happened! Something really, really bad! Mr Weenie! What are you doing out here? Is that the werewolf? Vorse! My beloved owner Bobby is gone. So is Bob, who I get along with but am not as close to. What happened? I voke up in ze RV, and zey were not zere! I vill obviously never see zem again. Maybe they went on a tramp. Or maybe the Wailing Wampus Werewolf got them. You're really not helping. Ze unicorn is right ` zat has to be it. Zere can be no ozzer explanation. Don't worry; we'll get to the bottom of this. We'll take out that bloodthirsty, impossibly large and vicious werewolf, and then we'll go on that camping trip. See you in the morning, Boogster. Sweet dreams. Elliot? Yeah, Boog? Don't tell anyone I'm afraid of the werewolf. Don't worry. We're speaking in the Pinecone of Silence. Guess what, everybody! Boog is afraid of the werewolf. You mean that was not an act? Nope. He's genuinely terrified. Your stories aren't even true. What? How can you say that? They're totally true. You've never even seen this so-called werewolf. I've never seen my so-called brain, but I'm pretty sure I've got one. If you ask me, I saw this comin' a long time ago. I knew that bear couldn't hack it out here. He's more like an em-bear-assment. Get it? Em-BEAR-assment. (LAUGHS) Go easy on Boog. We all have our fears. Ach! McSquizzy fears nothing. See what I mean? And Maria, you're afraid you're never gonna find someone ` that you'll end up a spinster, living with two pet bobcats. Actually, I wasn't afraid of that. Until now. Mr Weenie, you're afraid of hotdog buns. Ja. And pickle relish. And mustard! Serge, you're afraid of duct tape. Riley, you're afraid of splinters. And Buddy,... balloons scare the quills off of you. (GASPS) Balloons! (ZIP!) (BUNNIES SQUEAK) And I'm afraid of whatever crazy thing you're going to do to help Boog overcome his fear. You see? Even Giselle is afraid. But I've got a brilliant plan. (GROANS) It involves all of us! Here we go. We're going to scare the fear out of Boog! Uh, and how exactly are we going to do that? Here's the plan. Ian, you're gonna be the star. Naturally. We're gonna take some skunks and throw in some ducks... (SNORES) (MAGICAL MUSIC) (GASPS) (GASPS) Beth! Dinkelman, we're home! It was all just a real long, bad dream. Oh, Beth, I'm so glad to see you. I knew you'd never dump me off in the woods. Beth? (SNARLS) (SCREAMS) (PANTS) (BIRDS CHIRP) (SIGHS) Nightmare. (BUNNIES SQUEAK) (SIGHS) (SIGHS) Boo! (YELLS) Are you trying to scare me? I was trying to say your name, but you jumped before I got to the 'G' sound. 'Boo-g'. You're so impatient. I'm really not in the mood. I've got something that will make you happy. Whoo-Hoo! Where'd you find that? My main bear, Dinkelman. Actually, you're my main bear. Dinkelman's my second-main bear. Smoky's my third. (WHIMPERS) Aw. Do you want you baby doll back? (GRUNTS) No one touches my Dinkelman. (SPITS) (CHEWS LOUDLY) Hey! That was my last one. (SPITS) Lucky for you, a little bird told me a new shipment of Whoo-Hoo bars came into town. You've met Jerry, right? The little bird? We can't go into town. The trail will expose us to the werewolf. Not if we take the shortcut. Shortcut? Yup. The shortcut. (PEACEFUL MUSIC) Well, that looks nice. Yeah. We're going over there. (SCARY MUSIC) Through Dead Bear Gulch?! Is there a problem? I'm a bear. Also, I'm a bear! I don't wanna die! All bears die. Some bears never live. (GRUMBLES) Let's get you into that gulch. No way. Nothing good ever happens in a gulch ` especially not in that one. Boog, I got your back ` and your front. Goochy-goochy-goo! You're totally covered. Uh, I don't know. If not for me, then do it for Whoo-Know-Who. (SNIFFS) Oh, man! Why can't I follow my instincts instead of my nose? Vait! You can't leave. What if I never see you again? We're only going to town. Zat's what Bobby told me, just before she was eaten by a verevolf. If it makes you feel any better, you can hang with us, Mr Weenie. Oh, joyful day! My good luck has returned at last. (SCARY MUSIC) (THUNDER CRACKS) Come on, tree-huggers! That tree's not part of the tour. Lap it up. Here's nature it all its gory. Oops. I mean 'glory'. Trees and... this thing. Ooh! Awesome! (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) (GRUMBLES) Mr Shaw, exactly how long have you been a nature guide? Too long. Ever since they declared open season illegal, I've had to find another use for my unique talents. Good news is ` as a nature guide, I can still shoot whatever I see ` (ALL GASP) ...with a camera. (IMITATES GUNSHOT) Oh, what a cute camera. (GRUMBLES) Take a gander, boys and girls. We've arrived at Dead Bear Gulch. (EAGLE CRIES IN DISTANCE) I've heard it's haunted. Me too. Isn't this where the Wailing Wampus Werewolf was last sighted? There's no werewolf down there. That's crazy talk ` a rumour propagated by the animals to distract us from their overall plan of world domination. Um,... OK. Well, let's get those sandals flip-floppin'. If you're lucky, maybe we'll see a bird or somethin'. If you're really lucky, maybe it'll be dead. (THUNDER CRACKS) (EERIE MUSIC) What did I tell ya, Boog? It's not so scary here. (THUNDER CRACKS) (SHUDDERS) Sure, there's spooky mist,... GHOSTLY WHISPER: Die! (GASPS) ...bottomless pits that lead to the bowels of the earth ` (SNICKERS) I said 'bottomless' and 'bowels' in the same sentence ` and evil dead trees that have 'kill' on their minds,... (YELLS) ...but on the whole, it's quite pleasant. DISTANT SHOUT: Ca-caw! Excuse me one moment. I... think I hear my mum calling. He's coming! Let's scare the fear out of him, just like in rehearsal. Places, everyone! Aaaaand... action! False alarm. It wasn't my mum; it was just gas. (RUMBLING GROWL) BOOG: What's that? I'm sorry. Zat was my stomach. Without Bobby to feed me, I'm so very hungry. See? Nothing to worry about. It's just Mr Weenie starving. I'm pretty scared here. Now, I wouldn't exactly call you 'pretty'. This place gives me the creeps. 'Ruggedly handsome', maybe, but definitely not 'pretty'. (GASPS) What's that? (YELLS) A vampire bat! (YELLS) An extinct Tyrannosaurus rex! Such teeny arms. How does he comb his hair? (GASPS) That's the scariest thing I've ever seen! Ich bin ein Berliner. Let's get outta here! No, Boog. Face your fear! You look it in the eye and say, 'I'm a grizzly bear,' and then you roar! FEEBLY: Roar? A spider. The Eiffel Tower. A cow. A chicken. Bunny and doggy. Sailor's knot. (BOTH STRAIN) Bad idea. Huh. Your roar worked. The shadows are gone. Now's our chance. Hurry! You did it, Boog! You faced your fear. You can face anything now ` including a werewolf. Now can we go on that camping trip? No way. I just added more to my list of things that scare me. Evil rock shadows... (GASPS) and zombie skeletons! Achtung Baby. Gesundheit. I'm outta here. Hold on. Be brave. We can beat it! But how can we beat something that's already dead? Face your fear with your face ` and your eyeballs. Elliot wanted us to move like a skeleton. I'm doing the skeleton dance. Skeletons don't shake their hips like they're trying to get a date. Ha! Like you know anything about getting a date. Why you gotta be like that? Why`? (YELPS) SKUNK: Well, this stinks. What did I tell ya? We beat it! Still scared? More than ever. If something happens to me, I vant both of you to have my adorable sweaters. Oh, come on. Chin up, guys. We don't have chins. Sure we do ` right here. That's a muzzle. It's a chin. See how I rub it? Mine is a snout. Forget the chins. We've got courage and strength. If the werewolf himself appeared, you'd scare him away too. Wanna bet? Great idea. I'll summon the werewolf. No, no, no, no, no! If I win the bet, we go camping. If I win the bet, we get eaten! Deal. Do you have to tinkle? I'm performing the Wailing Wampus Werewolf dance. # Wampus Wailing, walla-walla, # Wampus Wailing, chimmy-chunga, # Wampus Wailing, walla-walla, # Wampus Wailing... # That's my cue. Yeah. I don't think you should do this. You don't think I've got the chops to scare that bear? You don't even look like a monster. You look like a deer covered in moss. It's all about the performance. Trust me, Boog'll be so petrified he'll forget he's scared. ELLIOT: Wampy, Wampy, Wampy! Where's Wampy? I don't want any part of this. Your loss. Time for the maestro to work his magic. (CRUNCHES) (GRUNTS) (BUZZING) (GRUNTS) (BUZZING) (SCREAMS) It's working! (CHANTS) Wampus Wailing... (SCREAMS) I can't see! Give me something soft! (WHIMPERS) (SCREAMS) Buddy. Mr Weenie, please tell me that was your stomach. Zat was not my stomach, but I'm still starving. You vouldn't happen to have a burrito on you? Quiet! It's here. (AGONISED ROAR) (THUNDER CRACKS) (YELLS) Wait a minute. That's not Ian. That's the real werewolf. Run! (ALL YELL) (AGONISED ROAR) (PANTS, GASPS) (AGONISED SCREAMING) (THUD!) Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark. (SHUTTER CLICKS) (DISTANT ROARING) What in the name of Uncle Sam's striped pyjamas...? (ROARS) (SCREAMING) A werewolf! It's not a legend. Gimme my gun! (SCREAMING) (GROANS) (SHUTTER CLICKS) (ROARS) (GALLOPING HOOFS RECEDE) (SHUTTERS CLICK) The Wailing Wampus Werewolf ` it's real! It's real. (YELLS) The Wailing Wampus Werewolf ` it's real! It's real! (PANTS) That was amazing! No, it wasn't. I thought I was gonna die. I'm hyperventilatin'. Anybody got a paper bag I can breathe into? Perhaps one of my scented doodie bags will do. Uh, no, thank you. At least we're safe. (CAR HORN BLARES) (TYRES SCREECH) Hey, what's a car doing on this paved deer trail? I just thought of something. Excuse me one moment; I need a word with Mr Weenie. Wow! We faked the werewolf, but it's real! If Boog can overcome his fear of a real werewolf, he's sure to be brave enough to go on that special camping trip with me. It's not fake! It's not fake! What's not fake? The werewolf! You mean it was fake before? No. It wasn't fake before, but now it's really not fake! We'd better hurry. We've got an appointment with some Whoo-Hoo bars in Timberline. Isn't it great how near-death experiences make you feel so alive? Maybe I vould appreciate near-death more if I vasn't so hungry. Look at us ` walkin' around, not dead. High five! Or high three, in my case. How could you put me in danger like that? You're supposed to be my best friend. Best friend? You've never said that out loud. TEARFULLY: Hold on. I've got something in my eye. I promised myself I wouldn't cry. False alarm. It's just sweat. Now that we're officially best friends, we should have our own theme song. # Elliot and Boog... # # ...and Mr Veenie! # # Elliot and Boog and Mr Weenie, # the bestest friends you've ever seenie. # Oh, Elliot is smart, and Boog has a heart, # and Weenie's legs are so very teeny. # I've gotta be honest ` the Mr Weenie part feels a little forced. (HUMS) Boog, if I may be so bold, perhaps I could be your new best friend. Of course, this means you'd have to feed me and rub my belly. What is your stance on neutering? You or me? (CAR HORN TOOTS IN DISTANCE) (GASPS) (CACKLES) (TYRES SCREECH) It's Shaw! On the deer trail. Just when this day couldn't get any worse. He can't do anything to us. It's against the law now, remember? (TOURISTS YELL, BRAKES SCREECH) (GRUMBLES) (CHUCKLES) Laugh it up, tick-magnet. I'll be seein' ya real soon. (IMITATES GUNSHOT) Zat went well. Nah. Shaw's up to somethin'. We better find out what. (TYRES SCREECH) OK. OK! The meeting is called to order. Marcia, you have an announcement? Thank you, Sheriff Gordy. We're having a bake sale to raise money to repaint the school bus. (SCREAMS) (FINGERNAILS SCRAPE, ALL GROAN) (GROANING CONTINUES) Make it stop! Y'all know me. You know how I earn a livin'. Yeah. You're the tour guide. Before that, I was a hunter ` best there ever was ` and now there's somethin' in them woods that needs huntin'. Spotted it just outside of Dead Bear Gulch. ALL: Ooh! It was none other than the Wailing... Wampus... Werewolf! (CHUCKLING) There's no such thing as werewolves. Settle down, everybody. I'll catch this beast for ya, but it ain't gonna be easy. He doesn't even have any evidence. You mean besides this massive head wound?! Oh, I've got evidence. Everybody here is in danger. GRUNTS: Why are you on top?! Because I'm taller. Oh. Makes sense. (GRUNTS) Keep still. What are they saying? I don't know. I can't read lips. Or books. Or anything, really. I'm a bear. Hmm. I'm goin' in! (GRUNTS) MUFFLED: As soon as I get out from under your butt area. Please. SHAW: ...like this. You wanted evidence? Behold! (BEEPING) But it's so small. You moron. This isn't life-size. This thing is huge! (ALL GASP) This monster has got fury in its eye... (ALL GASP) ...and hunger in its belly. Belly hunger? That's the worst kind of hunger. Whoa! Hold still, will ya? My apologies. I'm so veak from ze hunger, I could eat zis rope. Mmm. Delicious rope. Ooh! Mmm! Huh. I don't see anything conclusive here, Shaw. Thought you might not, Sheriff. Which is why I drew a detailed sketch. (GASPING, SCREAMING) I was sceptical of werewolves until I saw the drawing. Whoa. Dude can draw! Mmm. Ze end of ze rope is ze most delicious part. (CHOMP!) Mr Weenie! Bad dog. The werewolf wants to destroy you,... Whoa! ...your family,... Whoa! ...your way of life! This is the worst PTA meeting ever. (BOTH GRUNT) Ooh! Zis rope is good! (CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP!) Alzough it could use some salt. Hey! Let go! You gotta let me go out there, armed to catch this thing. You mean you want me to...? Reopen open season. Open season!? Whoa! (GRUNTS) (GROWLS) Ow! (HOWLS) The werewolf! Mr Weenie! Drop it. Sit. Stay! Heel! (ELLIOT YELLS) Whoa! (YELLS) (RUNNING FOOTSTEPS) Hmm. Werewolf footprints. The werewolf's been eavesdropping! Sheriff, you know what you have to do. Better safe than ripped to sorry shreds by a werewolf. (GASPING) Come on, Sheriff Gordy. Reopen open season and let the tour guide hunt down the werewolf. OK. Open season is reopened. Ha! You've made the right decision. BOOG: Gordy, what are you doin'?! Oh no! Open season?! Shaw, only the werewolf. You're not to touch anything else in that forest. Sure thing, Sheriff. I will only shoot the werewolf. And anything that gets in between me and the werewolf ` like, say, a bear or a deer. (CACKLES) We gotta warn the others. (MR WEENIE YELPS) (EAGLE CRIES) I guess things can get worse ` now Shaw's after us. Vell, Shaw did not specifically mention coming afer Mr Veenie. I stand vith you! I've got nowhere else to go. (SOBS) Hey! Vait up for Mr Veenie. Deer tick! I think I got a deer tick. You can never be too careful these days, what with Lyme disease and everything. No? Guess I'm clean. You know, I've been thinking. I've been talking about the werewolf, and suddenly, it's everywhere. What if...? Hmm. Pine trees. Pine trees. Pine trees! No way! I say it and I see it. Rocks. (EXCLAIMS) I shall call this power the See-cret and use it responsibly. Focus. We got a Shaw problem and a werewolf problem. So we've only got two problems. Piece o' cake. I like cake! But both these two problems can kill us. If you could stop the werewolf and stop open season, I'd gladly go on that special camping trip with you. Yes! But you can't. No! Maybe we should build that panic room, where hunters and werewolves can't get in ` somewhere we can both safely hide. Don't forget about Mr Veenie! I too vould like to safely hide. We're not hiding; we're gonna catch this werewolf ourselves. That's too dangerous. Everyone is counting on us, Boog. We've gotta take care of the werewolf to get rid of Shaw. What do you mean, 'we'? Have I ever let anything happen to you? Yes. OK, so our adventures are messy ` they're unpredictable, wild ` but we usually survive, don't we? We do. I won't let anything happen to you this time, and that's a promise. Why? Why? Because friends are always there for each other. Now, repeat after me ` 'I'm Boog, and I'm a brave bear.' BOTH: I'm Boog, and I'm a brave bear. Are ya with me? I'm with you. Me too! Excellent! Now, let's get back and warn the others about Shaw and the werewolf. * SHAW: Whoops. (HUMS GLEEFULLY) (CACKLES) (HUMS GLEEFULLY) (CONTINUES HUMMING) # Do, do, do, do, do, do, do. # (CACKLES) Sweetheart, Daddy's home. Wakey-wakey! Time to get up. Hello, Lorraine. Mwah. I know you been holed up here too long. (CHUCKLES) Probably gone half outta your mind. Mwah. But your interminable wait is finally commencing to be over. You and me are goin' out! Open season is back on, baby-cakes! We're paintin' the town red. (CACKLES) BOTH: Come on down to Ed 'n' Edna's Poutine Palace! Hey, Ed, what's poutine? Funny you should ask, Edna. First, you take French fries ` doop, de-doop, de-doo ` dump boiling gravy on 'em ` (YELLS) boiling gravy! ` then plop in some curds, and vi-o-la. Poutine! With one convenient location. Right on Highway Seven, next to the big tree. Plenty of free parking! So come on down... Or up, dependin' on where you start from, eh? (CHUCKLES) BOTH: # ...to Ed and Edna's Poutine Palace ` # curds fit for a king! # EDNA: Or a queen! Nice commercial, Ed. Now, if that don't get 'em bustin' down our door, nothin' will. (CAR HORN TOOTS IN DISTANCE) (TYRES SCREECH) Ooh, that was fast. The power of advertising. Howdy, Ed 'n' Edna! Oh, Shaw. Good day, eh? Hey, you haven't lived till you've tried our Poutine On The Ritz. Save your curds. We're gettin' the band back together. Oh, no way, eh? You're in a band?! I can play a mean accordion, if you're interested. Open season is open again. We've got a monster to hunt ` and whatever else gets in our way. Oh, boy. I have been waitin' for this moment, don'tcha know! Hey, Ian. Didn't see you out in Dead Bear Gulch in your werewolf disguise. Stage fright, right? You should do what I do and imagine that the audience are all in their underwear. I guess it didn't matter anyway, since the real werewolf showed up. (GROANS) Hello, everybody. We got some news. Slow down, Boog. Let me handle this. We've got some news. I've got bad news... and bad news. What do you wanna hear first? The bad news? Tell 'em! I was just pausing for dramatic effect. Open season is open again. Shaw is back in action. (BOTH YELP) (BUNNIES WHIMPER) Ooh. What's the bad news? There really is a Wailing Wampus Werewolf in our wilderness. There's no werewolf. That's just a big fat lie you told to try to scare us. He's the fat one. But here's my proof. Check out Shaw's detailed masterpiece. (ALL GASP) Ugh! That thing looks horrible. Shaw's a rather gifted artist, I must say. Is there any good news? Yes. I'm on the case. He asked if there was good news, not the worst news ever. SQUIRRELS: Oi! Another mess caused by you and your bonky interpretive dances! When have my dances ever caused a problem? Lightning dance! (SHRIEKS) Mudslide dance! (SHRIEKS) Avalanche dance! (TEETH CHATTER) You have to stop dancing. Especially the ones named after natural disasters. This is all your fault, Smelliot. Did you hear that? I just called him Smelliot. Don't worry, guys. I'll make things right. Once I dramatically capture the werewolf, slap him around a little bit and heroically ride him into town, open season will be closed again. And exactly how are you gonna capture the werewolf? With a clever monster-corralling interpretive dance, of course. Duh. (SIGHS) Well, I'm not so sure about Elliot's dancing abilities, and I'm not convinced there is a werewolf, but I do know Shaw's guns are real. Elliot may be our only hope. If Elliot's our only hope, we're doomed. Hold up, everyone. It's true that Shaw and his gun are on the loose, and until the werewolf is dealt with, we're all at risk, but if Elliot says he can capture it, I believe him. He's the best deer for the job. Thanks for standing up for me. Friends don't abandon friends. What makes Elliot so qualified? Hiyah! I'm a master werewolf-hunter /tracker/expert/whisperer. That's three slashes. (SIGHS) I'm coming with you to make sure you don't bust any more moves. Fine. The rest of you, stay alert. If you see something, say something. Something. Where to first? In order to track the werewolf, we need to start at the first place it appeared. Oh! Oh! Oh! I know. At ze RV! Zat's where Bob and/or Bobby were eaten by ze verevolf. Aw. (SNEAKY MUSIC) (YELLS) (ZOOM!) (SNEAKY MUSIC CONTINUES) Obviously, none of you have ever been on a Wailing Wampus Werewolf investigation, so follow my lead. Don't touch the evidence; don't contaminate the crime scene; and do not, under any circumstances, pee on anything,... Boog. (SIGHS) You're disgusting. Let's go. Elliot, what do we do once we've found the werewolf? Is there a special dance or something? We face the threat the same way we face headlights ` head on. That is a terrible analogy. I have no idea what you just said, Giselle, but touche. (KNOCK! KNOCK!) Movies! Two words! Um... Oh, oh! Lethal Weapon 2! The door is locked. Need Mr Weenie to go in through the doggie door. I was way off. Oh. Well, why didn't you just say zat? (DOOR CREAKS) Velcome to ze scene of ze crime. Blasted fly zapper's on ze fritz again. You may enter, but I must varn you ` what you are about to see can't be unseen. It is a tableau of unfathomable depravity. CHEERFULLY: Come on in. The wiener dog is right. No offence, Boog, but it might be grisly. You're weird, Elliot. Weird like a fox. (SCREAMS) Ze horror! Ze food bowl is empty. Actually, this is a nice crib. It's spotless. No signs of a struggle. Obviously, the werewolf attacked Bobby and Bob, then cleaned the RV. He wants us to think he wasn't here. The Wailing Wampus Werewolf is notoriously tidy. So you're saying the werewolf cleaned the dishes? Classic werewolf move. I think this is equipment for trackin' a monster. Boog, you're new at this. What we could really use right now is equipment to track the monster. You mean like this? Monster-tracking equipment. Monster-tracking equipment. Monster-tracking equipment. Wow. The power of the See-cret. Still not used to it. You know how any of this stuff works? I'll use my instincts ` part of being an animal. We'll need this face-helmet. He's not gonna turn that thing on, is he? Probably. (WHIRRING) We're not taking the face-helmet. (WHIRRING) (PANTS HAPPILY) Well, that was a bust. Au contraire, mi amigo. Even though this werewolf is a neat-freak, he could've left a clue somewhere. Like this one. 'Bone' voyage. Ze verevolf has eaten poor Bobby! Or maybe Bob. Zat's all zat is left. (SOBS) I'm so sad. (SOBS) But so hungry. (PANTS) SOBS: But so sad. (SNIFFS) Why does it smell like 11 herbs and spices? The smell of pure evil. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) No. It really smells more like 11 herbs and spices. I understand how you laymen are having a hard time following my logic. Mm-hm. With this monster-tracking equipment, we'll be able to cleverly track down the whereabouts of our alleged perpetrator ` i.e., for example, said werewolf. Oh, goody! (CAR APPROACHES) Someone is coming. Quick, blend in! Moo! Moo! I'm a cow. Bobby and/or Bob, I shall avenge thee. (CAR ENGINE RUMBLES) (ENGINE STOPS) Mr Weenie! I brought you some wiener chow. They're shaped like little wiener dogs. Hmm. Where could he be? OK, Ed 'n' Edna, let's put this thing in cruise control so we can go over my big plan to trap down this monster. Big plan? Should we be taking notes? Just listen, ding-dongs. Good ol' Sheriff Gordy has given us carte blanche to blast away. Now, who's this here Carte Blanche? I think it's a kind of animal ` related to the penguin, eh? We get to shoot a real live werewolf! (CAR HORN BLARES) And by 'werewolf', do you mean one of them abominable snowmen? No. Oh, oh, oh! A chupacabra? No! Vampire? A werewolf, you morons! A 10ft tall drooling, blasphemous scourge that needs to be eradicated. Ugh. Traffic these days. Now, here's the fun part. While we are huntin' to extinction this unholy denizen from the very bowels of Hades, we can take out a certain bear and deer, if you get my drift. (CHUCKLES) My gut tells me that we'll find our werewolf in Dead Bear Gulch. Oh! Well, this is gonna be easy. The werewolf is right there, next to that X. That's why I love ya, Edna ` you're good at readin' maps. (SIGHS) Imbeciles. (BUNNY WHIMPERS) (DETECTOR DEVICE PIPS) There's certain werewolf behaviour that will clearly give away its location. Are you talkin' about where it eats, where it sleeps...? Where it poos. What does poo have to do with this? It's our key to finding the werewolf. Its poo is like breadcrumbs, but way different. I'm not looking for poo. You don't have to. I've got this trusty Werewolf-Poo Finder. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that isn't a Werewolf-Poo Finder. (DEVICE PIPS RAPIDLY) You were saying? (DEVICE BEEPS) We've struck the motherload. Isn't that kinda small for werewolf poop? Werewolves are notoriously small poopers. Zat reminds me of Bobby. Who will save my precious doo-doo in a little plastic baggie now? Don't look at me. You can learn a lot about a monster from its poo. It's the window to the soul. The eyes are the window to the soul. Not for a werewolf. It's poo. It's always poo. We've got to analyse this. Ugh. Ugh! He's touchin' it. Ew. Ugh. Elliot, what exactly do you mean by 'analyse'? It means I must become one with the poo. (SNIFFS) This dropped 57` wait,... (SNIFFS DEEPLY) ...56 minutes ago. He's good. That's strange. I hear the ocean. Funny how that happens every time. How many times do you do this? Enough times to know there's only one way left to truly know the werewolf's whereabouts. No. N-n-n-no! No! What are you`? No! Ew! (CHEWS) MUFFLED: Mm-hm. He's heading north. Seventh of eight kids. Left-handed,... but bats righty. Swimmer's build. Likes long walks in the moonlight ` I can taste it. And also,... pistachios? What in the bazookia are you doing?! A field faecal study of the Wailing Wampus Werewolf. That is mine! This is my spot! So that's not monster poo; that's your poo. Aye. Just to be clear ` you're saying the poo that's in Elliot's mouth right now is your poo? I'd recognise those pistachios anywhere. (EMERGENCY HORNS BLARE) Code brown! (SPITS) Code brown! Friend's poo. Friend's poo! I just ate a friend's poo! We're not friends. Friends don't eat friends' poo. Water. Water! SOBS: Water! Need water now. The lake is right over there. (WAILS) (OMINOUS MUSIC) Only a monster would leave somethin' like this behind. The werewolf, eh? I'll check. (MUMBLES, CHEWS LOUDLY) (GASPS) It's moving north. Oh, yeah. You're good. We could use Jolene's help. I got her down by the lake. Let's go pay her a visit. Don't leave now. I was about to bring out dessert! (MUFFLED YELLING) Stop looking at my tushy. (SPITS) Ugh. I can still taste the shame. # Elliot and Boog and Mr Veenie, # ze bestest friends you've ever seenie. # Not exactly a theme-song moment, Mr Weenie. BEAVER: Timber! Rookies. Ugh. Hey, what happened to him? He accidentally ate McSquizzy's poo. Yeah. Who hasn't? Despite this one minor setback, I am not giving up. So, let's recap. You didn't find any clues at the RV,... Check. ...and McSquizzy's poo didn't give us any clues. Check. So we don't have any clues. Exactly. That's how I know we're getting closer. I'm confused. The werewolf isn't leaving behind any clues because he knows I'm on to him. He's clearly trying to outsmart me. Hm. Not that hard to do. Thank you, Giselle. BUDDY: Shaaaaawww! (ALL GASP) SHAW: We won't hurt you, Porcupine! We just wanna ask you a few questions. Oh, man. Shaw's never gonna stop until he gets us all. We gotta find and capture that werewolf fast so they can call off open season. We could find him if we could just see the forest from above. If only we had a seaplane (DING!) I am mastering the See-cret. All we need now is a pilot. SERGE: Quack! Quack! Serge, can you fly? But of course. Right this way, please. (PLANE ALARM WAILS) Someone's jackin' my plane! Who's Jack? (ALARM STOPS) (GRUNTS) My seatbelt won't go all the way. Elliot, are you sure you know what you're doing? Yup. I can hotwire this thing. Now, do I cut the blue wire or the red wire? (ENGINE STARTS) Yup, it's the red wire. SHAW: Jolene! Whoa! They're coming! (ENGINE RUMBLES) (GRUNTS) My horn's stuck! Oh, looky! A werewolf pilot. The werewolf?! Duck! (GRUNTS) Jolene! Jolene! Joleeeeeeeene! (TRIUMPHANT MUSIC) We did it. (LAUGHS) (GRUNTS) Shaw, see ya. Wouldn't wanna be ya. Now, everyone keep your eyes peeled for the werewolf, but don't literally peel them, because that would be gross. (DING! DING!) Oh, stewardess! Would you mind asking the bunnies not to recline so far back into my personal space? Grazie, senorita. Nuts? Uh,... got any wood? OK, Serge, take over. Take over? Yeah. You said you could fly. My apologies. There has been a misunderstanding. We can fly ` just not a plane. Our pilots have left ze plane. Zis is bad, no? I just discovered a new fear ` heights. (YELLS) Jolene! Are you afraid of plane crashes? I've always had a fear of plane crashes, but I thought being in one was impossible, since I'm a bear. Nothing is impossible if you believe in yourself. Relax, everyone. Statistically, flying is still the safest way to travel. If you got a pilot. It'll be fine. Quick question ` is there a pilot on board? ALL: No! OK. Is there a taxidermist on board? ALL: No! (YELLING) (SCREAMING) MR WEENIE: Oh no! Since it appears this is the end, I feel it's only right to confess ` I'm not really German. I am Sviss. You're Swiss? Well, hola. Como estas? Hey! We can use this to float to the ground. Nice, Giselle. We're saved. Uh-oh. (POP!) (ZOOM!) Please do whatever you're supposed to do in the event of an emergency landing. - (SCREAMING) - Excellent. Maybe there's parachutes in the back. (ZOOM!) Boog! You're flying by the seat of your pants! (TRIUMPHANT MUSIC) You're a crack pilot. (GIGGLES) Is this what they call a 'bum steer'? (ZOOM!) (SQUEALING) (DING!) (AIR HISSES) Boog, your butt saved ours! (TOILET FLUSHES) (TOILET GURGLES) Hey. What'd I miss? Now it's personal. How did a werewolf get a pilot's licence? It's got the intelligence of a man. Yeah, but you'd think when it applied for licence, somebody would've said somethin'. Oh! Maybe it dressed up like a man when it went into the office. Shut your curd-holes! To catch the monster, we've got to think like the monster. Oh, you mean think like a man? You said it's got the intelligence of a man. Hmm. What would a man do? Ugh. Morons. Come on, guys. We're not gonna let a little thing like a plane crash crush our spirits. We got us a werewolf to catch. Who's with me? Crickets, crickets, crickets. Fine. But if you ask me, we got the werewolf right where we want him. Elliot, maybe we ought to take a break from all this werewolf stuff. Re-strategise. Sorry, I don't parlez-vous French. Look, we just survived a plane crash. Maybe we should quit while we're ahead and, I don't know, build ourselves that panic room. There's plenty of wood. We could build one ASAP. Could you build me a little tiny house with my name on it zat we could keep in the panic room? Sure thing. I am in. Me too. You tried your best, Elliot, but maybe you're in over your head. Guys, guys, guys ` and Giselle ` and Ian ` we're fighting for our forest! Remember, if we don't get rid of the werewolf, open season stays open. And we're not quitters. Did the Romans quit when the Vikings landed at Plymouth Rock? Did the mighty dodo bird give up when it went extinct? Did the Titanic call it quits when it hit the ice cream truck? Nope, nope and nope! Sure, the werewolf has fangs, Shaw has guns; but you know the one thing we've got that nobody else has? Boog's butt! Where you goin' with this, Elliot? It's an emalgogy. Analogy. That too. Point is ` when the chips were down, the odds were against us and the pilots had left the building,... We will never live this down. ...Boog's butt saved the day. There's always going to be something that comes through for us, because that's how we roll. CHANTS: Boog's butt! Boog's butt! ALL CHANT: Boog's butt! Boog's butt! Boog's butt! I'm starting to feel a little self-conscious. ...Boog's butt! Boog's butt! Great speech, but I vote we build that panic room and hide. You can count us in. ALL CHANT: Panic room! Panic room! Panic room! (LICKS) All of zis talk about butts and panic rooms is making me hungry again. I'm going to search for some food. Bienvenidos! OK, we got rid of our dead weight. Still with me, Boog? You know I can't do this without my BFF. That's Bear Friend Forever, FYI ` for your information. LOL. Still with ya. You know, maybe we been goin' about this the wrong way. 'Maybe'? Instead of going after the werewolf, maybe we should lure the werewolf to us. What do you have in mind? Boog,... you look like a size twelve... hundred. Petite. What? * Boog, we're waiting. BOOG: I don't feel comfortable comin' out. I'm sure you look fine. (BUSHES RUSTLE) (SULTRY JAZZ MUSIC) (RECORD SCRATCHES) (SULTRY JAZZ MUSIC CONTINUES) This is ridiculous. (LAUGHS) Aw. You're surprisingly cute. More importantly, you look exactly like a female Wailing Wampus Werewolf. Give us a spin. (TINKLING JAZZ MUSIC) I'm not sure I can pull this off. Let's rehearse. I'll pretend to be male. (CHUCKLES) Don't strain yourself. Boog, make me attracted to you. Uh,... hi, I'm Boog. I-I mean,... (SHRILL VOICE) Boogette. Cut! (GROANS) That is not how you seduce a Wailing Wampus Werewolf. OK, OK. Although I'm pretty sure there isn't a real werewolf, if you're going to do this, let me help. Now, Boog, play it cool. Make eye contact,... but don't stare. Be mysterious... but not super-scary. And most importantly, smile. (CHUCKLES) Oh. Better. Much better. Giselle, obviously you know nothing about being a woman. It's all about the body language. You've got to have the right walk, the right pose and the right eyelash-flutter. This is dumb. It'll never work. Walk, pose... Well, hello there, miss! Never seen you around these parts. You know, me and some friends are building a romantic panic room, if you care to join me ` I mean us. Ian, it's me, Boog. I'm not a lady. Oh, yeah. WHISPERS: Call me. SHRILL VOICE: 'It'll never work.' (SNIFFS) I'm so very hungry, I could drink a horse. (SNIFFS) Mmm! Food! At long last! (SNARLS) I'm never gonna be the girl you want me to be. Come on. We can make this work. Why can't you just accept me for who I am? Uh, guys, this is getting a little too intense. Instead of disguisin' me as bait, why not use the See-cret? Say it and you see it. I know! I'll use the See-cret. Genius. Wailing Wampus Werewolf, Wailing Wampus Werewolf, Wailing Wampus Werewolf` (HOWLS) Hey, guys, I have satisfied my hunger ` for now. (HOWLS) Let's huddle. Oh, man. Mr Weenie's the werewolf. A wiener dog werewolf. Of course! A textbook were-weenie. OK, break. How could I have missed the signs? I'm sure there is a reasonable explanation for whatever is on his face. Yes, and that explanation is ` it's blood, because Weenie is a bloodthirsty werewolf. (GROWLS HAPPILY, PANTS) Think about it, Giselle. You never see Mr Weenie and the werewolf together. You never see the werewolf and anyone together. In that case, any one of us could be the werewolf. (GASPS) She's right! Boog, are you the werewolf? No. Giselle? Yes. I am. I knew it! No, Elliot, I am not the werewolf. I knew that too. I was just testing you. You passed. Barely. If we really wanna make sure that Mr Weenie is the werewolf, we need to observe him without him knowing. Like a stakeout. I love how I think! Tonight, we complete our investigation. You boys have fun. I'm going to find a cool, dry place and call it a night. (GROWLS) Hey, Mr Weenie, we need you to, uh,... guard this log. Ooh! Mr Veenie is on duty. (GROWLS) Yay! (OMINOUS MUSIC) (GROWLS) The full moon is even fuller than last night's full moon. If Mr Weenie's going to transform into the werewolf, tonight's the night! We've got to stay awake, no matter what. No problem. I can stay awake` (SNORES LOUDLY) Elliot! (YAWNS) Oh, Boog. I had the most wonderful dream. Me and you were dolphins ` I was a regular dolphin, and you were kind of a fat dolphin ` and we were camping in the woods without a fear in the world. Although we were kind of getting dried out, with pine needles sticking to our fins. You were asleep two seconds, and you dreamed all that? And then this beautiful seahorse appeared, and we rode off into the sunset. What does that even mean? I think it means we're friends, even if we're fish. Of course you're my friend. OK, I know this is your first stakeout, so don't hesitate to ask me any questions. For instance, this is a werewolf-transformation cam. It will capture any transformation the wiener dog makes, but we must stay alert. Got it. Be ready for anything. I'm ready. Eyeballs must remain open at all times. (BOTH SNORE, ROOSTER CROWS) GISELLE: Hey, guys. Guys, Mr Weenie is gone. Let's check the transformation cam. (CAMERA WHIRRS) (YAWNS) He's sleepin'. A clever werewolf ploy. Or he's a sleeping wiener dog. (GROWLS SLEEPILY) Aw. Obviously, he's having a werewolf dream of chasing down and ripping apart a helpless victim. Pretty standard stuff. (YIPS) BOOG: Another werewolf move? No. It's just a wiener dog scratching his back. Come on. Ooh! (GROWLS SLEEPILY) (GASPS) That's the traditional werewolf interpretive dance, done to summon other werewolves! So graceful. It's settled, then. Mr Weenie is the werewolf. So I am ze verevolf?! I'm always the last to hear about zese things. (GASPS) So zat would mean I ate Bobby! And Bob. I must leave zis place, before I eat my friends too. I mean, think of all the calories! If Mr Weenie is the werewolf, why didn't he attack you guys in your sleep? Hmm. Good point. For once, Giselle, you're right. Mr Weenie couldn't be the werewolf. Well, no harm done. (BANG!) (YELPS) (ALL GASP) (BANG!) Shoot that ugly female werewolf! Wh`? Who's he callin' ugly?! (GUNS COCK, ALL YELL) Oh, it's in cahoots with the deer! What is this world comin' to? (GLEEFUL CACKLING) (PANTING) (GLEEFUL CACKLING IN DISTANCE) SHAW: Let's stop and talk this over, you dirty, rotten animals! We just wanna be your friend! (CHORTLES STUPIDLY) (PANTING) What's these guys' deal, anyway? Yeah! Like, what do they have against us? (GUN COCKS) Hm. Careful there, Shaw. We got a pot full of poutine simmerin' in there. (BANG!) (YELLS) - (CLANG!) - (GAS HISSES) - Whoa. Uh-oh. (ALL YELL) ALL: Huh? (BOOM!) Well, we'll have to change our commercial, Ed. Yeah. We're not buyin' a big tree no more. Come on, knuts. Let's go. (BOTH YELL) (PANTING) (YELLS) (GUNSHOT, CACKLING IN DISTANCE) (DRAMATIC MUSIC) The old lava mine?! Who mines for lava? (GUNSHOT, CACKLING) It's that or the hunters. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) (PANTING) (CACKLING) (GRUNTS, STRAINS) How are we gonna get in? GISELLE: Guys, how about we use the door? (OMINOUS MUSIC) (CRACK!) (YELLS) (YELPS) Whoa! (PANTS) (GRUNTS) (FAINT FLUTTERING) Do you hear something? (BOTH YELL, HIGH-PITCHED TWITTERING) It was just a bunch of vampire bats that feed off the blood of living creatures. Everything's cool. (SPLAT!) (FLUTTERING) (CACKLES EVILLY) (BULLETS RICOCHET) Let's hide in one of those! (GROANS) I lost 'em. Are we sure jumping into a rusty mining car on a rickety track that leads to who-knows-where is the best idea? SHAW: Come out, come out, wherever you are! Sounds good to me. (BULLET RICOCHETS) We're safe now. Ready or not, here we come! (CART RATTLES) Let's go mining for treasure. (BOTH WHOOP) Did we lose 'em? GISELLE: They're right on our tails. Hold on! (CACKLES EVILLY) (YELLING) (WHOOPING) (GUNSHOTS) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) (SNIFFS) I smell pumpkin pie. (HISSING) (YELLS) It's me! (EXCITING MUSIC) (YELLING) SHAW: Huh? Who puts a loop-the-loop in a lava mine? (GUN COCKS) (YELLING) Deer?! (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) (YELLING) Dinkelman! (YELLING) (GUN COCKS, GUNSHOT) (GROANS) Out of ammo. Time to get touchy-feely. (WHEELS SQUEAL) Come here, werewolf! (GRUNTS) I got her backpack! Reel me in! What does a werewolf need a backpack for? To keep his pilot licence in. No! Hey, let go of my second-favourite bear! (GRUNTS) GRUNTS: Let go of my Dinkelman! (BOTH GRUNT) (SNAP!) Dinkelman! No! (YELLS) (GASPS) Dinkelmaaaaaan! (YELLING) (YELLING) (YELLING) (GASPS) Elliot! Don't leave me! Boog! I'll write you every single day! (CARTS RATTLE) (GASPS) Whoa! (SCREAMING) Heeeeeeeeeelp! Wheeeeeeeeeee! (YELLING) Werewolf, you've won this round. This ain't over. (GRUNTS) (CRASH!) It figures. There's one cactus in all of Timberland, and I land right on it. ELLIOT: Boog, I'm OK! We landed in this super-cushiony pile of rose petals and clover. Good thing we didn't land on Ol' Prickly. Wasn't that crazy? The dip where we went down and our stomachs went up. The lava singed my eyelashes! Listen, Elliot, I've had enough. This is too dangerous, and now Dinkelman's gone. You don't know what he meant to me. Yeah. But we're safe now. Safe?! We've never been safe. Crashing in airplanes, getting shot at by hunters, flyin' off the rails in a lava mine... We're so close to finding the werewolf. We can't give up now. Now seems like the perfect time. Boog, I believe in you. When you want to be, you can be a super-brave bear ` the super-est. I've had enough. I'm done. I'm buildin' that panic room by myself and hibernatin' forever. And then after that, can we go camping? No, Elliot. (GASPS) TEARFULLY: Fine. I take it back. You're not super; you're a pooper. I don't need you. All I need is one thing ` myself, because myself never hurts my feelings, SOBS) like certain heavyset bears. That doesn't even make sense. Words can hurt. You know that, Tubby? OK, let's cool down for a second. I stood up for you because I thought you were my best friend. Maybe you're not. (GASPS) You don't care about me. You only care about your stupid campin' trip. TEARFULLY: It's not stupid. Go find yourself a new best friend who likes selfish deers. (SOBS) Well, you can forget about that stupid camping trip. SOBS: I wouldn't go with you if you were the last best friend on Earth. (SAD MUSIC) (HOWLING) You hear that? The werewolf is out there. He's hiding in Dead Bear Gulch. I'm going after him. I'm not a selfish deer. I'm gonna save everyone. Elliot, don't go. Shaw's gonna be out there. It's too dangerous. Danger is my maiden name. Oh no. I never should've trusted Elliot. How could I have been so stupid? Boog, wait! I'm done with him. Elliot went about things the wrong way, but he was genuinely trying to help you get over your fear of the werewolf. Because all he cared about was some dumb campin' trip. He wanted to spend time with his best friend. He tied pumpkins to my chest. I'll be the first to admit Elliot is a ding-a-ling, but he's our ding-a-ling. Can you give me a hand? I don't know how you girls do this every day. (SNAP!) Elliot can take care of himself. That's what he's good at. Elliot is headed into Dead Bear Gulch. He's convinced the werewolf will be hiding there tonight. Thanks for the tip. Pine-needle eyelashes?! I'll be sure to stay far away from Dead Bear Gulch. Boog, he cares about you, and you care about him. The Boog I know wouldn't abandon his friend. The Boog I know is going to build his panic room. See ya, Giselle. (OMINOUS MUSIC) So I'm ze verevolf. Go figure. In order to not viciously eviscerate my beloved friends, I am destined to vander aimlessly these vast woods alone. Forever. But I am so hungry. Oh, shoot. Zat must be the verevolf in me talking. (GASPS) Maybe if I don't look at ze full moon, I von't transform. But it's so beautiful! Maybe one little peek? Oh, nooooo! Vot have I done?! Ze transformation ` it's on, baby! (HOWLS) * (GEORGES BIZET'S 'HABANERA') SINGS TO THE TUNE OF 'HABANERA': (MUSIC SWELLS) (SPLASH!) (SHIVERS) (HOWLING IN DISTANCE) IAN: Hi, Booger. (BOOG GASPS) (SNICKERS) You hear that? I called him Booger. What are you guys doin'? We took your advice and built a panic room. Not bad. You got room for one more? Come on in. Wipe your feet. Take a load off. Just close the door behind ya. So where's your best friend, Idiot? You notice how I called Elliot Idiot? (SCOFFS) The great werewolf hunter's in Dead Bear Gulch, probably talkin' the ear off of some poor werewolf. (CAR APPROACHES) (GASPS) Shh! (CAR DOOR OPENS) SHAW: That's where it all began ` in Dead Bear Gulch. That's where we'll find our werewolf. But that Gulch is haunted, don'tcha know? Yeah ` with evil spirits. Which is why the werewolf will be hiding out there. We've got it on the run. It's gonna hunker down in the one place it thinks we won't go. And where's that? Dead Bear Gulch! Oh, right. I got special camo for us in the truck. We'll take him by surprise. Take who by surprise? The werewolf! Oh, I love surprises. Instead of Dead Bear Gulch, they're gonna have to call it Dead Everything Gulch by the time we're through. We'll blast everything that moves. You mean like us? How can we hunt if we can't move? (GROANS) I won't blast you! But we'll be movin'. Yeah. You said that you` Forget what I said. GRUMBLES: Canadians. (DOOR CLOSES, CAR PULLS AWAY) Elliot's in trouble. What are we gonna do, Boog? Maybe we should go help him. (HOWLING IN DISTANCE) (SCARY MUSIC) (CREAKING) (THUD!) (LOW GROWLING) Here, monster, monster, monster! Here, monster, monster, monster! (BARKING, GROWLING) (YELPS) (HOWLS) Elliot, please go. I am a verevolf now. I don't vant to hurt you, but I am not in control of my faculties. Sometimes I'm not in control of my faculties either. I just cover it up and walk away. Do your senses betray you? Do you not see my vicious claws? My hideous fangs? My irascible disposition? I have become... ze verevolf. And zere are more of us behind you. I'm sorry. What? (SNARLING) (ROARS) (SCREAMS) My brothers! (SNARLING) (HOWLS) (PANTS) (SNARLING) Danger isn't my maiden name! It's McGillicuddy. I know ` weird, right? (ROARING) Oh, See-cret! I could sure use your help right now. I need a hero to save me. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Boog's butt?! You're saving me?! (GROWLS) (DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS) (GROWLS) I'm a grizzly bear. (SNARLS) (ALL GASP) (ROARS) - (MR WEENIE SWOONS) - Yes! (YELPS) (GROWLS) Ooh! Whoa. (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) (GROWLS) Shaw?! You mean there's no werewolf?! Well, if we can't bag a werewolf, a deer and a beer will do just fine. (GUN COCKS) (BANG! WHIZZ) (GUN COCKS) Come on, knuts. (BOTH CACKLE) (BANG!) (GASPS) (GASPS) The evil spirits ` they're here! Undead zombie ghost-ducks from hunting seasons past! (SCREAMS) Wha...? I brought some friends. (ED SCREAMS) We shall consider taking our talents on the road. Eh, Denny? (ED SCREAMS) Where are you goin'? I don't see any evil` (GHOSTLY MOAN) Wait for me! Aie! Shake it, sister. (CREEPY MUSIC) (ED AND EDNA SCREAM) Fine. Abandon me. I got Lorraine. She's all I need. (HOWLS, BARKS) Face the wrath of a true verevolf! (YELPS) (CACKLES) (BOTH GRUNT) (SNARLS) Lorraine! Now you've gone too far. (BOTH GRUNT) It's just you and me, bear ` mano a bear-o. (BOTH GRUNT) Your shoe's untied. Oh! (WHIMPERS) Come on, teddy bear. Free shot. (SNARLS) Too fast for ya! Guess who! (YELLS) BOTH: Ooh. Come on, scaredy-bear! (GROWLS) (YELLS, CACKLES) (MOANS) BOTH: Ooh! (CACKLES) (SNARLS) (CACKLES) (GROWLS) (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) (LAUGHS) (HORNETS BUZZ) Oh! (GRUNTS) Crud. (SCREAMS) That's gonna smart for a few days. I'm allergic to hornets! (SCREAMS) Washcloth? (SCREAMS) BUDDY: Buddy. (HORNETS BUZZ, SHAW SCREAMS) Why did you come back for me? Because friends don't abandon friends. You taught me that. (SOBS) My eyes are starting to pee. (POLICE SIRENS WAIL, SHAW SCREAMS) (PANTS) (DART WHIZZES) (MOANS) (SPLAT!) (WHISTLES, CHUCKLES) Nice shootin', Sheriff! Well, looks like we've found our werewolf. Shaw. I should've known. I guess he's in deep doo-doo. (CHUCKLES) Sure is. Selfie! (SHUTTER CLICKS) And post. (PHONE BEEPS) (SHAW GRUMBLES INCOHERENTLY) Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll have plenty to say at your trial for posing as a monster and creating a general panic. Open season is closed ` permanently. (ALL CHEER) Take 'em away, boys. (SIRENS WAIL) (TREE RUSTLES) Boog? (GENTLE MUSIC) Thought I recognised your work. You know, you're always welcome to come back home. (SAD MUSIC) He's going back to live in town. I understand ` you are home. Technically, I shouldn't be feeding the wildlife, but I think we can make an exception. Take care of yourself, Boog. (GENTLE MUSIC) Eeee! Whoo-hoo! I knew you wouldn't go back to live in town! Of course not. Who's gonna protect you, Elliot? You can't go campin' by yourself. (GASPS) I got somethin' for you. I was waiting to surprise you. Surprise! Happy Mothers Day! (GASPS) Dinkelman! (SIGHS HAPPILY) Hey. How long you had him? It's a See-cret. (BOTH LAUGH) * (PEACEFUL MUSIC) Hey, Boog, I can't believe it. We're finally camping! Whoo-hoo! I told you it'd be great. I got goosebumps up and down my goose. Exactly how is campin' different than what we normally do in the woods? This is totally different. It's just you and me, and the stars above our horn and the dirt beneath our fuzzy bottoms. I thought you said there would be zip lines and parasailin' and boogie-boardin'. Haven't you ever heard of 'writer's embellishment'? No. Me neither. I was hoping you knew. At least we're away from the riff-raff. See any riffs or raffs? Hey, guys. Hey, Ian. Hey, Giselle. (SIGHS) So hard to keep the riff-raff out these days. Boog, staring contest. Go! What? (GRUNTS) Ooh, you're good. (BOTH CHUCKLE) Hey, let's tell a scary story. Really? I'll start. The Wailing Wampus Werewolf was on the prowl. No one was safe. Ooh, scary. And the vicious werewolf emerged from the dark... (GROWLING) ...through the misty mist, upon two friends who were having a blast camping. I think that's a great setup. (CHUCKLES) Nice try, Ian. (SQUEALS) (ROARS) Whoa. Props on the fake teeth. Very convincing. Is everything all right over there? (GROWLS) This is not Ian. Nice werewolf. Good werewolf. (ROARS) (SNARLS) (YELLS) I don't know what to do! Elliot, you know what to do. Boog, you're right! I've been training for this moment my entire life. (GRUNTS) (THE ROMANTICS' 'WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU') (BOING! BOING!) # Hey! # Uh-huh. # Hey! # Uh-huh. (LIP-SYNCS) # What I like about you ` # you hold me tight, # tell me I'm the only one. Wanna come over tonight? # Yeah. # Keep on whispering in my ear. # Tell me all the things that I wanna hear... # See? I told you! The werewolf communicates through interpretive dance. Yeah ` interpretive dance and talking. I can talk. (CHUCKLES) SLOWLY: I think he means us no harm. (SIGHS) Whatever. We need to show him we don't either. Everybody dance now. Shake that tail feather! (ALL CHEER) (BUZZING) (MUSIC CONTINUES) Buddy. (SHRIEKS) (LAUGHTER) Bustin' a move! (WEREWOLF CHUCKLES) Ooh! Impressive moves, Boog. We should call you Dances with Werewolves. (BOTH CHUCKLE) Boog, I have something shocking to tell you. I might not be ze verevolf. Got it, Mr Weenie. (HOWLS) All right! # Hey! # # Uh-huh. # # Hey! # (MAGICAL, TINKLING MUSIC) And everybody lived happily ever after ` except for Mr Veenie, who was now a drifter. (TINKLING MUSIC) Oh, Bobby ` or Bob ` how did it come to zis? (CAR APPROACHES) (BRAKES SQUEAL) Bobby lives! (YIPS HAPPILY) Surprise, Mr Weenie! (JOYFUL MUSIC) I feel like it's been forever. Did Gordy feed you? We asked him to. Zat would've been nice to know. We were at a See-cret convention. You know ` say it and see it. When Bob says, 'It's Mr Weenie's birthday,' and I say, 'Gee, Bob, do you ever quit talking?' But then I say, 'You're right,' so we gathered up all of your friends for a surprise birthday party. (YIPS) Are you surprised? (YIPS) Not pleasantly. Mr Weenie is excited to see us. Are you excited to see him, Bob? (INHALES) Oh, Bob is so excited he's speechless. This is going to be the best party. (HAPPY MUSIC) (MUFFLED BARKING) And so everybody did live happily ever after ` including Mr Veenie! Ze end. Just one more time. No. (ADVENTUROUS MUSIC) Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2018