WWW.TVNZ.CO.NZ/ACCESS-SERVICES CAPTIONS WERE MADE POSSIBLE WITH FUNDING FROM NZ ON AIR. TVNZ ACCESS SERVICES 2013 1 (THUNDERCLAP) (RAIN SPATTERING AND OOZING) (ROLLING THUNDER) (RAIN OOZING AND TRICKLING) (ROLLING THUNDER) (SPLAT) (SPATTERS) (OOZES AND SQUELCHES) (CREAKING) (GRINDING AND RATTLING) (RATTLING AND CREAKING) (SLURPING) (HISSING AND SIZZLING) (LAPPING WAVES) (RIGGING CREAKS) (WIND BLOWS) (RIGGING CREAKS) (SEAGULLS CRY) (RIGGING CREAKS) # I HAVE SAILED THE WORLD, BEHELD ITS WONDERS # # FROM THE DARDANELLES TO THE MOUNTAINS OF PERU # # BUT THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE LONDON # # NO, THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE LONDON # MR. TODD? # YOU ARE YOUNG # # LIFE HAS BEEN KIND TO YOU # (RIGGING CREAKS) # YOU WILL LEARN # (BELL TOLLS) (RATTLING AND RUMBLING) # THERE'S A HOLE IN THE WORLD LIKE A GREAT BLACK PIT # # AND THE VERMIN OF THE WORLD INHABIT IT # # AND ITS MORALS AREN'T WORTH WHAT A PIG COULD SPIT # # AND IT GOES BY THE NAME OF LONDON # # AT THE TOP OF THE HOLE SIT A PRIVILEGED FEW # # MAKING MOCK OF THE VERMIN IN THE LOWER ZOO # # TURNING BEAUTY INTO FILTH AND GREED # # I TOO HAVE SAILED THE WORLD AND SEEN ITS WONDERS # # FOR THE CRUELTY OF MEN IS AS WONDROUS AS PERU # # BUT THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE LONDON... # (MAN SHOUTING) (SEAGULLS CRY) (MAN SHOUTING) (DOG BARKS) (LOW CHATTER) IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT, MR. TODD? I BEG YOUR INDULGENCE, ANTHONY. MY MIND IS FAR FROM EASY. (DOG BARKING) TODD: IN THESE ONCE FAMILIAR STREETS, I FEEL SHADOWS... EVERYWHERE. (THUNDER) SHADOWS? GHOSTS. # THERE WAS A BARBER AND HIS WIFE # # AND SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL # # A FOOLISH BARBER AND HIS WIFE # # SHE WAS HIS REASON AND HIS LIFE # (SHE CHATTERS) # AND SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL # # AND SHE WAS VIRTUOUS # # AND HE WAS... # (BOTH CHATTER) # ...NAIVE # # THERE WAS ANOTHER MAN WHO SAW # # THAT SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL # # A PIOUS VULTURE OF THE LAW # # WHO, WITH A GESTURE OF HIS CLAW # # REMOVED THE BARBER FROM HIS PLATE # # THEN THERE WAS NOTHING BUT TO WAIT # # AND SHE WOULD FALL # (BABY CRIES) # SO SOFT, SO YOUNG, SO LOST AND, OH, SO BEAUTIFUL # AND THE LADY, SIR... DID SHE SUCCUMB? # OH, THAT WAS MANY YEARS AGO # (BELL CHIMES) # I DOUBT IF ANYONE WOULD KNOW # I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU, ANTHONY. IF YOU HADN'T SPOTTED ME, I'D BE LOST ON THE OCEAN STILL. WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN? YOU MIGHT FIND ME IF YOU LIKE... AROUND FLEET STREET, I WOULDN'T WONDER. UNTIL THEN, MY FRIEND. (DOG BARKING) # THERE'S A HOLE IN THE WORLD LIKE A GREAT BLACK PIT # # AND IT'S FILLED WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE FILLED WITH SHIT # # AND THE VERMIN OF THE WORLD INHABIT IT # (RATS SQUEAKING) (STREET HAWKERS CALLING) (HORSE WHINNIES) (BELL CHIMING) (TAPPING) (DOOR CREAKS) (GASPS): A CUSTOMER! # WAIT! WHAT'S YOUR RUSH? WHAT'S YOUR HURRY? # # YOU GAVE ME SUCH A FRIGHT I THOUGHT YOU WAS A GHOST! # # 'ALF A MINUTE, CAN'T YOU SIT? SIT YOU DOWN. SIT! # # ALL I MEANT IS THAT I 'AVEN'T SEEN A CUSTOMER FOR WEEKS! # # DID YOU COME HERE FOR A PIE, SIR? # # DO FORGIVE ME IF ME HEAD'S A LITTLE VAGUE # WHAT IS THAT? # BUT YOU'D THINK WE HAD THE PLAGUE # # FROM THE WAY THAT PEOPLE KEEP AVOIDIN' # NO, YOU DON'T. # HEAVEN KNOWS I TRY, SIR # # BUT THERE'S NO ONE COMES IN EVEN TO INHALE # # RIGHT YOU ARE, SIR, WOULD YOU LIKE A DROP OF ALE? # # MIND YOU, I CAN HARDLY BLAME THEM # # THESE ARE PROBABLY THE WORST PIES IN LONDON # # I KNOW WHY NOBODY CARES TO TAKE THEM # # I SHOULD KNOW, I MAKE 'EM, BUT GOOD? NO! # (SQUELCH) # THE WORST PIES IN LONDON # # EVEN THAT'S POLITE # # THE WORST PIES IN LONDON # # IF YOU DOUBT IT, TAKE A BITE # (CRUNCH) # IS THAT JUST DISGUSTIN'? # # YOU 'AVE TO CONCEDE IT # # IT'S NOTHING BUT CRUSTING # # HERE, DRINK THIS, YOU'LL NEED IT # # THE WORST PIES IN LONDON # # AND NO WONDER WITH THE PRICE OF MEAT WHAT IT IS # # WHEN YOU GET IT # # NEVER THOUGHT I'D LIVE TO SEE THE DAY # # MEN'D THINK IT WAS A TREAT # # FINDIN' POOR ANIMALS WHAT ARE DYIN' IN THE STREET # # MRS. MOONEY HAS A PIE SHOP # # DOES A BUSINESS BUT I NOTICED SOMETHING WEIRD # # LATELY ALL HER NEIGHBOURS' CATS HAVE DISAPPEARED # # HAVE TO HAND IT TO HER # # WHAT I CALLS ENTERPRISE # # POPPIN' PUSSIES INTO PIES # # WOULDN'T DO IN MY SHOP # # JUST THE THOUGHT OF IT'S ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU SICK # # AND I'M TELLIN' YOU THEM PUSSYCATS IS QUICK # # NO DENYIN' TIMES IS HARD, SIR # # EVEN HARDER THAN THE WORST PIES IN LONDON # # ONLY LARD AND NOTHING MORE # # IS THAT JUST REVOLTIN' # # ALL GREASY AND GRITTY # # IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S MOLTIN' # # AND TASTES LIKE... # # WELL, PITY A WOMAN ALONE # (RETCHES) # WITH LIMITED WIND # # AND THE WORST PIES IN LONDON # # AH, SIR # # TIMES IS HARD # (HE SPITS) # TIMES IS HARD # (SPLAT) TRUST ME, DEARIE... IT'S GONNA TAKE A LOT MORE THAN ALE TO WASH THAT TASTE OUT. COME WITH ME. WE'LL GET YOU A NICE TUMBLER OF GIN, EH? IN'T THIS HOMEY, NOW? THE CHEERY WALLPAPER WAS A REAL BARGAIN, TOO. IT WAS ONLY PARTLY SINGED WHEN THE CHAPEL BURNED DOWN. (SNIFFS) THERE YOU GO. YOU SIT DOWN, WARM YOUR BONES. YOU GOT A ROOM OVER THE SHOP HERE? TIMES IS SO HARD, WHY DON'T YOU RENT IT OUT? WHAT, UP THERE? NO, NO ONE WILL GO NEAR IT. PEOPLE THINK IT'S HAUNTED. HAUNTED? YEAH. AND WHO'S TO SAY THEY'RE WRONG? YOU SEE, YEARS AGO, SOMETHIN' HAPPENED UP THERE. SOMETHING NOT VERY NICE. # THERE WAS A BARBER AND HIS WIFE # # AND HE WAS BEAUTIFUL # # A PROPER ARTIST WITH A KNIFE # # BUT THEY TRANSPORTED HIM FOR LIFE # # AND HE WAS BEAUTIFUL # BARKER, HIS NAME WAS. BENJAMIN BARKER. WHAT WAS HIS CRIME? FOOLISHNESS. # HE HAD THIS WIFE, YOU SEE # # PRETTY LITTLE THING, SILLY LITTLE NIT # # HAD HER CHANCE FOR THE MOON ON A STRING # # POOR THING # # POOR THING # # THERE WAS THIS JUDGE, YOU SEE # # WANTED HER LIKE MAD # # EVERY DAY HE SENT HER A FLOWER # # BUT DID SHE COME DOWN FROM HER TOWER? # # SAT UP THERE AND SOBBED BY THE HOUR # # POOR FOOL # # AH, BUT THERE WAS WORSE YET TO COME, POOR THING # # WELL, BEADLE CALLS ON HER ALL POLITE # # POOR THING, POOR THING # # THE JUDGE, HE TELLS HER, IS ALL CONTRITE # # HE BLAMES HIMSELF FOR HER DREADFUL PLIGHT # # SHE MUST COME STRAIGHT TO HIS HOUSE TONIGHT # # POOR THING, POOR THING # (LAUGHTER AND CHATTER) # OF COURSE WHEN SHE GOES THERE # # POOR THING, POOR THING # # THEY'RE 'AVING THIS BALL ALL IN MASKS # # THERE'S NO ONE SHE KNOWS THERE # # POOR DEAR, POOR THING # # SHE WANDERS TORMENTED AND DRINKS, POOR THING # # THE JUDGE HAS REPENTED SHE THINKS, POOR THING # # "OH, WHERE IS JUDGE TURPIN?" SHE ASKS # # HE WAS THERE ALL RIGHT ONLY NOT SO CONTRITE # (WOMAN LAUGHS) # SHE WASN'T NO MATCH FOR SUCH CRAFT, YOU SEE # # AND EVERYONE THOUGHT IT SO DROLL # # THEY FIGURED SHE HAD TO BE DAFT, YOU SEE # # SO ALL OF 'EM STOOD THERE AND LAUGHED, YOU SEE # # POOR SOUL # (SCREAMING) (LAUGHTER) # POOR THING # (SCREAMING) NO! WOULD NO ONE HAVE MERCY ON HER? (WHISPERS): SO IT IS YOU... BENJAMIN BARKER. WHERE IS LUCY? WHERE IS MY WIFE? SHE POISONED HERSELF. ARSENIC, FROM THE APOTHECARY AROUND THE CORNER. TRIED TO STOP HER, BUT SHE WOULDN'T LISTEN TO ME. AND HE'S GOT YOUR DAUGHTER. HE? JUDGE TURPIN? ADOPTED HER. LIKE HIS OWN. FIFTEEN YEARS... SWEATING IN A LIVING HELL ON A FALSE CHARGE. FIFTEEN YEARS DREAMING I MIGHT COME HOME TO A WIFE AND CHILD. WELL, I CAN'T SAY THE YEARS HAVE BEEN PARTICULARLY KIND TO YOU... MR. BARKER. NO. NOT BARKER. THAT MAN IS DEAD. IT'S TODD NOW. SWEENEY TODD. AND HE WILL HAVE HIS REVENGE. (DOOR CREAKS) (STREET HAWKER SHOUTS) (KEYS JINGLE) (CREAKS) (SHOP BELL) (DOOR SQUEAKS) (BELL JINGLES) COME IN. NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF, LOVE. (FLOORBOARDS CREAK) (FLOORBOARDS CREAK) WHEN THEY CAME FOR THE GIRL, I HID 'EM. COULD'VE SOLD 'EM, BUT I DIDN'T. (GASPS) THOSE HANDLES IS CHASED SILVER, AIN'T THEY? SILVER. YES. # THESE ARE MY FRIENDS # # SEE HOW THEY GLISTEN # # SEE THIS ONE SHINE # (SCRAPE) # HOW HE SMILES IN THE LIGHT # # MY FRIEND # # MY FAITHFUL FRIEND # # SPEAK TO ME, FRIEND # # WHISPER # # I'LL LISTEN # # I KNOW, I KNOW # # YOU'VE BEEN LOCKED OUT OF SIGHT # # ALL THESE YEARS # # LIKE ME, MY FRIEND # # WELL, I'VE COME HOME # # TO FIND YOU WAITING # # HOME # # AND WE'RE TOGETHER # # AND WE'LL DO WONDERS # # WON'T WE? # (BLADE SCRAPES) # YOU THERE, MY FRIEND # # I'M YOUR FRIEND, TOO, MR. TODD # # COME, LET ME HOLD YOU # # IF YOU ONLY KNEW, MR. TODD # # NOW, WITH A SIGH # # OH, MR. TODD # # YOU'RE WARM IN MY HAND # # YOU GROW WARM IN MY HAND # # MY FRIEND # # YOU'VE COME HOME # # MY CLEVER FRIEND # # ALWAYS HAD A FONDNESS FOR YOU, I DID # # REST NOW, MY FRIENDS # (BLADE CLICKS) # NEVER YOU FEAR, MR. TODD # # SOON I'LL UNFOLD YOU # # YOU CAN MOVE IN HERE # # SOON YOU'LL KNOW # # MR. TODD # BOTH: # SPLENDOURS YOU NEVER HAVE DREAMED # # ALL YOUR DAYS # # WILL BE YOURS # # MY LUCKY FRIENDS # # I'M YOUR FRIEND # # TILL NOW YOUR SHINE # # AND NOW YOU'RE MINE # # DON'T THEY SHINE BEAUTIFUL? # # WAS MERELY SILVER # # SILVER'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME # # FRIENDS # # MR. T. # # YOU SHALL DRIP RUBIES # # YOU'LL SOON DRIP # # PRECIOUS # # RUBIES # (WHISPERS): LEAVE ME. AT LAST... MY ARM IS COMPLETE AGAIN. (ROLLING THUNDER) (HAWKER CRIES) (CHATTER) (BIRDSONG) # GREENFINCH AND LINNET BIRD # # NIGHTINGALE, BLACKBIRD # # HOW IS IT YOU SING? # # HOW CAN YOU JUBILATE SITTING IN CAGES # # NEVER TAKING WING? # # OUTSIDE THE SKY WAITS # # BECKONING, BECKONING # # JUST BEYOND THE BARS # # HOW CAN YOU REMAIN STARING AT THE RAIN # # MADDENED BY THE STARS? # # HOW IS IT YOU SING... # (BIRDSONG) # ...ANYTHING? # # HOW IS IT YOU SING? # (BEGGAR WOMAN IMPLORING, INDISTINCT) # MY CAGE HAS MANY ROOMS, DAMASK AND DARK # # NOTHING THERE SINGS # # NOT EVEN MY LARK # # LARKS NEVER WILL, YOU KNOW # # WHEN THEY'RE CAPTIVE # # TEACH ME TO BE MORE ADAPTIVE # (VOCALIZING) # GREENFINCH AND LINNET BIRD # # NIGHTINGALE, BLACKBIRD # # TEACH ME HOW TO SING # # IF I CANNOT FLY # # LET ME SING # BEGGAR WOMAN: # ALMS, ALMS # # FOR A MISERABLE WOMAN # # ON A MISERABLE CHILLY MORNING # (GASPS): THANK YOU, SIR! MA'AM? COULD YOU TELL ME WHOSE HOUSE THIS IS? AH...THAT'S THE GREAT JUDGE TURPIN'S HOUSE, THAT IS. AND THE YOUNG LADY WHO RESIDES THERE? (WHISPERS): OH, THAT'S JOHANNA... HIS PRETTY LITTLE WARD. KEEPS HER SNUG, HE DOES. ALL LOCKED UP. SO DON'T YOU GO TRESPASSIN' THERE... OR IT'S A GOOD WHIPPING FOR YOU... OR ANY OTHER YOUNG MAN WITH MISCHIEF ON HIS MIND. # ALMS, ALMS # # FOR A DESPERATE WOMAN # # I FEEL YOU # # JOHANNA # # I FEEL YOU # # I WAS HALF CONVINCED I'D WAKEN # # SATISFIED ENOUGH TO DREAM YOU # # HAPPILY I WAS MISTAKEN # # JOHANNA # # I'LL STEAL YOU # # JOHANNA # # I'LL STEAL YOU # (DOOR CREAKS) (BIRDSONG) COME IN, LAD. COME IN. (BELL TOLLS) (CHATTER OUTSIDE) (CREAKS) YOU WERE LOOKING FOR HYDE PARK, YOU SAY? YES. IT'S VERY LARGE ON THE MAP, BUT I KEEP GETTING LOST. SIT DOWN, LAD, SIT DOWN. IT'S EMBARRASSING FOR A SAILOR TO LOSE HIS BEARINGS... BUT, ER...THERE YOU ARE. (FLOORBOARD CREAKS) A SAILOR? YES, SIR. THE BOUNTIFUL, OUT OF PLYMOUTH. A SAILOR MUST KNOW THE WAYS OF THE WORLD, YES? MUST BE PRACTICED IN THE WAYS OF THE WORLD. WOULD YOU SAY YOU WERE PRACTICED, BOY? SIR? OH, YES. SUCH...PRACTICES. THE GEISHAS OF JAPAN. THE CONCUBINES OF SIAM. THE CATAMITES OF GREECE. THE HARLOTS OF INDIA. I HAVE THEM ALL HERE. DRAWINGS OF THEM. EVERYTHING... YOU'VE EVER DREAMED OF DOING WITH A WOMAN. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE? I THINK THERE'S BEEN SOME MISTAKE. I THINK NOT. YOU GANDERED AT MY WARD, JOHANNA. YOU GANDERED AT HER. YES, SIR, YOU GANDERED. I MEANT NO HARM. YOUR MEANING IS IMMATERIAL. MARK ME. IF I SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN ON THIS STREET... YOU'LL RUE THE DAY YOU WERE BORN. HYDE PARK IS THAT WAY, YOUNG SIR! A LEFT AND A RIGHT AND STRAIGHT ON, YOU SEE? MOVE ON, NOW! (CLINKS) (COUGHING) YOU HEARD WHAT JUDGE TURPIN SAID, LITTLE MAN. NEXT TIME... IT'LL BE YOUR PRETTY LITTLE BRAINS ALL OVER THE PAVEMENT. (COUGHING) OH! (COUGHING) (DOOR SLAMS) # I'LL STEAL YOU # # JOHANNA # # I'LL STEAL YOU # # DO THEY THINK THAT WALLS CAN HIDE YOU? # # EVEN NOW, I'M AT YOUR WINDOW # # I AM IN THE DARK BESIDE YOU # # BURIED SWEETLY IN YOUR YELLOW HAIR # # I FEEL YOU # # JOHANNA # # AND ONE DAY # # I'LL STEAL YOU # # TILL I'M WITH YOU THEN I'M WITH YOU THERE # # SWEETLY BURIED IN YOUR YELLOW HAIR # (MARKETERS SHOUT) (CROWD CHATTERS) (MARKETERS SHOUT) (CROWD CHATTERS) HE'S HERE EVERY THURSDAY. ITALIAN. ALL THE RAGE, HE IS. BEST BARBER IN LONDON, THEY SAY. (MARKETERS SHOUTING) (SHEEP BLEATING) (MARKETERS SHOUTING) HANG ON. (WOMAN CALLING, INDISTINCT) (BOY BANGS DRUM) # LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE? # # DO YOU WAKE EVERY MORNING IN SHAME AND DESPAIR # # TO DISCOVER YOUR PILLOW IS COVERED WITH 'AIR # # WHAT OUGHT NOT TO BE THERE? # # WELL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN # # FROM NOW ON YOU CAN WAKEN AT EASE # # YOU NEED NEVER AGAIN HAVE A WORRY OR CARE # # I WILL SHOW YOU A MIRACLE MARVELLOUS RARE # # GENTLEMEN, YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE SOMETHING # # WHAT ROSE FROM THE DEAD # # ON THE TOP OF MY HEAD # (LAUGHTER) # 'TWAS PIRELLI'S MIRACLE ELIXIR # # THAT'S WHAT DID THE TRICK, SIR # # TRUE, SIR, TRUE # # WAS IT QUICK, SIR? DID IT IN A TICK, SIR # # JUST LIKE AN ELIXIR OUGHT TO DO # # HOW ABOUT A BOTTLE, MISTER? # # ONLY COSTS A PENNY, GUARANTEED # # DOES PIRELLI'S STIMULATE THE GROWTH, SIR? # # YOU CAN HAVE MY OATH, SIR, 'TIS UNIQUE # # RUB A MINUTE, STIMULATIN', INNIT? # # SOON YOU'LL HAVE TO THIN IT ONCE A WEEK # # PARDON ME, MA'AM, WHAT'S THAT AWFUL STENCH? # LOVETT: # ARE WE STANDING NEAR AN OPEN TRENCH? # # MUST BE STANDING # # PARDON ME, SIR # # NEAR AN OPEN TRENCH! # # WHAT'S THAT AWFUL STENCH? # # BUY PIRELLI'S MIRACLE ELIXIR # # ANYTHING WHAT'S SLICK, SIR, SOON SPROUTS CURLS # # TRY PIRELLI'S WHEN THEY SEE HOW THICK, SIR # # YOU CAN HAVE YOUR PICK, SIR, OF THE GIRLS # # WANT TO BUY A BOTTLE, MISSUS? # # WHAT IS THIS? # # WHAT IS THIS? # # SMELLS LIKE PISS # # SMELLS LIKE... # EWW! # LOOKS LIKE PISS # # WOULDN'T TOUCH IT IF I WAS YOU, DEAR! # # THIS IS PISS, PISS WITH INK # # LET PIRELLI'S ACTIVATE YOUR ROOTS, SIR # # KEEP IT OFF YOUR BOOTS, SIR, EATS RIGHT THROUGH # # GET PIRELLI'S, USE A BOTTLE OF IT, LADIES SEEM TO LOVE IT # # FLIES DO, TOO # (CROWD LAUGHS) (ITALIAN ACCENT): # I... AM ADOLFO PIRELLI # # THE KING OF THE BARBERS, THE BARBER OF KINGS # # E BUONGIORNO, GOOD DAY # # I BLOW YOU A KISS # # AND I # # THE SO FAMOUS PIRELLI I WISH-A TO KNOW-A # # WHO HAS-A THE NERVE-A TO SAY # # MY ELIXIR IS PISS? # # WHO SAYS THIS? # I DO. (CROWD MURMURS) I'M MR. SWEENEY TODD OF FLEET STREET. I HAVE OPENED A BOTTLE OF PIRELLI'S ELIXIR. AND I SAY TO YOU THAT IT IS NOTHING BUT AN ARRANT FRAUD... (CROWD GASPS) ...CONCOCTED FROM PISS AND INK. (CROWD MURMURING) FURTHERMORE, SIGNOR.. I HAVE SERVICED NO KINGS... YET I WAGER THAT I CAN SHAVE A CHEEK WITH TEN TIMES MORE DEXTERITY... THAN ANY STREET MOUNTEBANK. (CROWD MURMURING) (BLADES SCRAPE) DO YOU SEE THESE RAZORS? I LAY THEM AGAINST FIVE POUND. (PEOPLE GASPING) YOU ARE NO MATCH, SIR. EITHER ACCEPT MY CHALLENGE... OR REVEAL YOURSELF AS A SHAM. YOU HEAR THIS FOOLISH MAN? NOW, PLEASE, YOU WILL SEE HOW HE WILL-A REGRET-A HIS-A FOLLY! TOBY! WHO'S FOR A FREE SHAVE? MEN: ME! ME! ME! (CROWD CHATTERING) (SCRAPING AND CLUNKING) WILL BEADLE BAMFORD BE THE JUDGE? GLAD, AS ALWAYS, TO OBLIGE MY FRIENDS AND NEIGHBOURS. READY? READY. READY. THE FASTEST, SMOOTHEST SHAVE IS THE WINNER! (HIGH WHISTLE) (BLADES CLICK) OW! OW! OW! SSS! (SCRAPING) OW! OW! # NOW, SIGNORINI, SIGNORI, WE MIX-A DA LATHER # # BUT FIRST-A YOU GATHER AROUND, SIGNORINI, SIGNORI # # YOU LOOKING A MAN WHO HAVE HAD-A DA GLORY # # TO SHAVE-A DA POPE! # # MR. SWEENEY, WHOEVER, I BEG-A YOU PARDON # # YOU'LL PROBABLY SAY IT WAS ONLY A CARDINAL-- NOPE! # # IT WAS-A DA POPE! # (CROWD LAUGHS) # TO SHAVE-A DA FACE, TO CUT-A DA HAIR # # REQUIRE DA GRACE, REQUIRE DA FLAIR # # FOR IF-A YOU SLIP # # YOU NICK DA SKIN, YOU CLIP-A DA CHIN # # YOU RIP-A DA LIP A BIT BEYOND-A REPAIR # (SNIP) # TO SHAVE-A DA FACE # (SCRAPE) # OR EVEN A PART # # WITHOUT IT-A SMART # # REQUIRE DA HEART # # NOT JUST-A DA FLASH # # IT TAKE-A PANACHE # (SCRAPE) # IT TAKE-A DA PASSION FOR DA ART # # TO SHAVE-A DA FACE # (SCRAPE) # TO TRIM-A DA BEARD # # TO MAKE-A DA BRISTLE, CLEAN LIKE A WHISTLE # # DIS IS FROM EARLY INFANCY, DA TALENT GIVE TO ME # # BY GOD # # IT TAKE-A DA SKILL # (SCRAPE) # IT TAKE-A DA BRAINS # # IT TAKE-A DA WILL # # TO TAKE-A DA PAINS # # IT TAKE-A DA PACE # # IT TAKE-A DA... # (SHRILL): # GRAAA... # # ...AAAA... # (SCRAPE, SCRAPE, SCRAPE) (BLADE RINGS) # ...AAAACE! # THE WINNER... IS TODD! (CROWD CHEERING) (APPLAUSE DYING DOWN) (CHATTER) SIR, I BOW TO A SKILL FAR GREATER THAN MY OWN. THE FIVE POUND. (COINS CLINKING) MAY THE GOOD LORD SMILE ON YOU... UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN. COME, BOY. COME! OW! (SHOUTING IN ITALIAN) HEH. (PIRELLI SHOUTING) (SMACKING) SUPPOSE IT'S JUST ME GENTLE HEART... BUT I DO HATE TO SEE A BOY TREATED LIKE THAT. CONGRATULATIONS, MR... TODD. MAY I ASK YOU, SIR, DO YOU HAVE YOUR OWN ESTABLISHMENT? HE CERTAINLY DOES. SWEENEY TODD'S TONSORIAL PARLOUR... ABOVE MY MEAT PIE EMPORIUM IN FLEET STREET. TODD: I THANK YOU, SIR. YOU ARE A PARAGON OF INTEGRITY. WELL, I TRY TO DO MY BEST FOR MY FRIENDS AND NEIGHBOURS. (CHUCKLES) YOUR ESTABLISHMENT IS IN FLEET STREET, YOU SAY? YES, SIR. THEN, MR. TODD... YOU SHALL SURELY SEE ME THERE BEFORE THE WEEK IS OUT. YOU WILL BE WELCOME, BEADLE BAMFORD. AND I CAN GUARANTEE TO GIVE YOU WITHOUT A PENNY'S CHARGE... THE CLOSEST SHAVE YOU WILL EVER KNOW. COME ON, LOVE. (BIRDSONG) (BIRDSONG) (HOOVES ON COBBLES) (CHINGS) (PEDESTRIANS CHATTER) (SHARPENING BLADE) MRS. LOVETT: IT'S NOT MUCH OF A CHAIR, BUT IT'LL DO. IT WAS ME POOR ALBERT'S CHAIR. SIT IN IT ALL DAY LONG, HE DID... AFTER HIS LEG GAVE OUT WITH THE GOUT. WHY DOESN'T THE BEADLE COME? "BEFORE THE WEEK IS OUT," THAT'S WHAT HE SAID. WELL, WHO SAYS THE WEEK'S OUT? IT'S ONLY TUESDAY. (BANG) # EASY NOW # # HUSH, LOVE, HUSH # # DON'T DISTRESS YOURSELF, WHAT'S YOUR RUSH? # # DON'T DISTRESS YOURSELF, WHAT'S YOUR RUSH? # # KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS NICE AND LUSH # # WAIT # # HUSH, LOVE, HUSH # # THINK IT THROUGH # # ONCE IT BUBBLES THEN WHAT'S TO DO? # # WATCH IT CLOSE # # LET IT BREW # # WAIT # # I'VE BEEN THINKING FLOWERS # # MAYBE DAISIES TO BRIGHTEN UP THE ROOM # # DON'T YOU THINK SOME FLOWERS # # PRETTY DAISIES # # MIGHT RELIEVE THE GLOOM? # # AH, WAIT # # LOVE, WAIT # (BLADE CLICKS) AND THE JUDGE? WHEN'LL WE GET TO HIM? (SHOP BELL) CAN'T YOU THINK OF NOTHING ELSE? ALWAYS BROODIN' AWAY ON YOUR WRONGS... AND WHAT HAPPENED HEAVEN KNOWS HOW MANY YEARS AGO. COME ON. # SLOW, LOVE, SLOW # # TIME'S SO FAST # (DOOR CREAKS) # NOW GOES QUICKLY, SEE, NOW IT'S PASSED # # SOON WILL COME # # SOON WILL LAST # # WAIT # # DON'T YOU KNOW # # SILLY MAN # # HALF THE FUN IS TO PLAN THE PLAN? # # ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO CAN # # WAIT # # GILLYFLOWERS, MAYBE 'STEAD OF DAISIES # # I DON'T KNOW, THOUGH # # WHAT DO YOU THINK? # (FOOTSTEPS) (SHOP BELL) OH, I'M SORRY, EXCUSE ME. MRS. LOVETT, SIR. A PLEASURE, MA'AM. MR. TODD, THERE'S A GIRL WHO NEEDS MY HELP. SUCH A SAD GIRL AND LONELY, BUT BEAUTIFUL, TOO. SLOW DOWN, SON. YES. I'M SORRY. THIS GIRL HAS A GUARDIAN WHO KEEPS HER LOCKED AWAY... BUT THEN THIS MORNING, SHE DROPPED THIS. SURELY A SIGN THAT JOHANNA WANTS ME TO HELP HER. THAT'S HER NAME, JOHANNA. AND TURPIN IS HER GUARDIAN. HE'S A JUDGE OF SOME SORT. ONCE HE GOES TO COURT, I'M GOING TO SLIP INTO THE HOUSE... RELEASE HER AND BEG HER TO COME AWAY WITH ME TONIGHT. OH, THIS IS VERY ROMANTIC. YES. BUT I DON'T KNOW ANYONE IN LONDON, YOU SEE. AND I NEED SOMEWHERE SAFE TO BRING HER... TILL I'VE HIRED A COACH TO TAKE US AWAY. IF I COULD KEEP HER HERE JUST FOR AN HOUR OR TWO... I'D BE FOREVER IN YOUR DEBT. BRING HER HERE, LOVE. THANK YOU, MA'AM. MR. TODD? OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, MY FRIEND. THANK YOU, MA'AM. (DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES) (SHOP BELL JINGLES) SEEMS LIKE THE FATES ARE FAVOURING YOU AT LAST, MR. T. TODD: HMM. WHAT IS IT? YOU'LL HAVE HER BACK BEFORE THE DAY IS OUT. WHAT ABOUT HIM? HIM? OH, WELL. LET HIM BRING HER HERE. AND THEN, SINCE YOU'RE SO HOT FOR A LITTLE-- THAT'S THE THROAT TO SLIT, MY DEAR. POOR LITTLE JOHANNA. (FLOORBOARDS CREAK) ALL THOSE YEARS WITHOUT A SCRAP OF MOTHERLY AFFECTION. WELL... I'LL SOON SEE TO THAT. (SNIFFS) (CHATTER OUTSIDE) HELLO. WHAT'S HE DOIN' HERE? KEEP THE BOY DOWNSTAIRS. (SHOP BELL) (DOOR CREAKS) (PEDESTRIANS CHATTER) SIGNORA, IS MR. TODD AT HOME? PLYIN' HIS TRADE UPSTAIRS. OOH, WOULD YOU LOOK AT IT NOW? YOU WOULDN'T MIND IF I GAVE IT A NICE JUICY MEAT PIE, WOULD YOU? SI, SI, SI, WHATEVER YOU WANT. COME ON, LAD. YOUR TEETH ARE STRONG, I HOPE. CLOSE THE DOOR. GET YOU A NICE LOVELY PIE. SIT DOWN. MAKE YOURSELF COMFY. (SWEEPING SOUNDS) COME IN. (SHOP BELL, DOOR CREAKS) MR. TODD. SIGNOR PIRELLI. (LONDON ACCENT): CALL ME DAVEY. DAVEY COLLINS IS THE NAME WHEN IT'S NOT PROFESSIONAL. I'D LIKE ME FIVE QUID BACK, IF YOU DON'T MIND. WHY? BECAUSE YOU ENTERED INTO OUR LITTLE WAGER UNDER FALSE PRETENCES, MY FRIEND. SO THAT YOU MIGHT REMEMBER TO BE A BIT MORE FORTHRIGHT IN THE FUTURE I'LL BE TAKING HALF YOUR PROFITS FROM HEREWITH. SHARE AND SHARE ALIKE... MR. BENJAMIN BARKER. (SIGHS): THERE WE ARE. TUCK IN. (SHE SIGHS) I LIKE TO SEE A MAN WITH A HEALTHY APPETITE. REMINDS ME OF MY DEAR ALBERT. LIKED TO GORGE HIMSELF TO BLOATATION, HE DID. HE DIDN'T HAVE YOUR NICE HEAD OF HAIR, THOUGH. TO TELL THE TRUTH, IT GETS AWFUL 'OT. (TOBY CHOMPING PIE) (FOOTSTEPS UPSTAIRS) YES, THIS'LL DO NICELY. YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME, DO YOU? WHY SHOULD YOU? I WAS JUST A LITTLE NIPPER YOU HIRED FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS... SWEEPING UP HAIR. BUT I REMEMBER THESE... AND HOW COULD I EVER FORGET YOU, MR. BARKER? (FLOORBOARD CREAKING) I USED TO SIT RIGHT 'ERE... DREAM OF THE DAY WHEN I COULD BE A PROPER BARBER MESELF. YOU MIGHT SAY THAT YOU WAS... (BLADE SCRAPES) ...INSPIRATION TO ME. (FLOORBOARDS CREAK) SO, IS WE GOT A DEAL? OR SHOULD I RUN DOWN THE STREET TO ME OLD PAL, BEADLE BAMFORD? WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT, NOW... (ITALIAN ACCENT): ...MR. SWEENEY TODD? (PIRELLI LAUGHING) (KETTLE WHISTLING) OOF! HOOH! (THUD) (GRUNTS) (GASPING) MY, MY, MY. ALWAYS WORK TO BE DONE. SPIC AND SPAN, THAT'S MY MOTTO. (CLUNKS) (FLOORBOARDS CREAK) (SIGHS) SO, UM...HOW'D YOU END UP WITH THAT DREADFUL ITALIAN? GOT ME FROM THE WORKHOUSE. BEEN THERE SINCE I WAS BORN. (THUD) OH, GOD! HE'S GOT AN APPOINTMENT WITH HIS TAILOR! IF HE'S LATE, HE'LL BLAME ME! WAIT! (PANTING) (SHOP BELL) SIGNOR! YOU GOT AN APPOINTMENT! SIGNOR PIRELLI'S BEEN CALLED AWAY. BETTER RUN AFTER HIM. (FLOORBOARDS CREAKING) NO, SIR. I SHOULD STAY HERE, OR IT'LL BE A LASHIN'. HE'S A GREAT ONE FOR THE LASHIN'S. SO... MRS. LOVETT GIVE YOU A PIE, DID SHE? SHE'S A REAL LADY. THAT SHE IS. BUT IF I KNOW A GROWING BOY... THERE'S STILL ROOM FOR MORE PIE, EH? YES, SIR. THEN WHY DON'T YOU WAIT FOR YOUR MASTER DOWNSTAIRS? BE ANOTHER PIE IN IT FOR YOU, I'M SURE. NO. I SHOULD STAY 'ERE. TELL YOU WHAT, WHY DON'T YOU TELL MRS. LOVETT... THAT I SAID TO GIVE YOU A NICE BIG TOT OF GIN. THANK YOU, SIR! (SHOP BELL) (FLOORBOARDS CREAKING) (TAPPING) (CREAKING) (FOOTSTEPS) (CREAKING) (HINGE SQUEAKS) (THUNK OF LID) (GASPS AND MOANS) (SCRAPE) (PIRELLI MOANS) (GROANING) (HINGE SQUEAKS) VOICEOVER: Get free SKY Sport for a year with Vodafone TV and catch all the big hits... (TYRES SQUEAL) ..misses... (WHISTLE) ..meltdowns, slam dunks... (CHEERING) (YELLS) ..howzats and bunker action live. Simply sign up to Vodafone TV Starter with SKY Sport on an eligible home broadband plan and dive into a feeding frenzy of free sport for a whole year. Only with Vodafone TV, bringing you more of the content you love. Visit vodafone.co.nz to sign up. JUDGE TURPIN: THIS IS THE SECOND TIME, SIR, YOU HAVE BEEN BROUGHT BEFORE THIS BENCH. THOUGH IT IS MY EARNEST WISH EVER TO TEMPER JUSTICE WITH MERCY YOUR PERSISTENT DEDICATION TO A LIFE OF CRIME IS AN ABOMINATION BEFORE GOD AND MAN. I THEREFORE SENTENCE YOU TO HANG BY THE NECK UNTIL YOU'RE DEAD. AND MAY THE LORD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL. COURT IS ADJOURNED. (SOBS) (PEDESTRIANS CHATTER) BEADLE: THANK YOU, YOUR HONOUR. JUST THE SENTENCE WE WANTED. WAS HE GUILTY? WELL, IF HE DIDN'T DO IT, HE'S SURELY DONE SOMETHING TO WARRANT A HANGING. WHAT MAN HAS NOT? SORRY? NO MATTER. COME. WALK HOME WITH ME. (CLINKS) I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU, MY FRIEND. IN ORDER TO SHIELD HER FROM THE EVILS OF THIS WORLD... I HAVE DECIDED TO MARRY MY DEAR JOHANNA. AH, SIR, HAPPY NEWS INDEED. STRANGE, THOUGH... WHEN I OFFERED MYSELF TO HER, SHE SHOWED A CERTAIN... RELUCTANCE. # EXCUSE ME, MY LORD # # MAY I REQUEST, MY LORD # # PERMISSION, MY LORD, TO SPEAK? # # FORGIVE ME IF I SUGGEST, MY LORD # # YOU'RE LOOKING LESS THAN YOUR BEST, MY LORD # # THERE'S POWDER UPON YOUR VEST, MY LORD # # AND STUBBLE UPON YOUR CHEEK # # AND LADIES, MY LORD, ARE WEAK # STUBBLE, YOU SAY? WELL, PERHAPS I AM A LITTLE OVERHASTY IN THE MORNINGS. # FRET NOT, THOUGH, MY LORD I KNOW A PLACE, MY LORD # # A BARBER, MY LORD, OF SKILL # # THUS ARMED WITH A SHAVEN FACE, MY LORD # # SOME EAU DE COLOGNE TO BRACE, MY LORD # # AND MUSK TO ENHANCE THE CHASE, MY LORD # # YOU'LL DAZZLE THE GIRL UNTIL... # UNTIL? # SHE BOWS TO YOUR EVERY WILL # A BARBER? TAKE ME TO HIM. HIS NAME IS TODD, MY LORD, AND HE IS THE VERY LAST WORD IN BARBERING. YOU OUGHT TO SLOW DOWN A BIT, LAD. IT'LL GO STRAIGHT TO YOUR 'EAD. THEY USED TO GIVE IT TO US IN THE WORKHOUSE... SO AS WE COULD SLEEP. NOT THAT YOU'D WANT TO SLEEP IN THAT PLACE, MA'AM. NOT WITH THE THINGS WHAT HAPPENED IN THE DARK. THAT'S NICE, DEAR. THINK I'LL JUST POP IN ON MR. TODD FOR A TICK. YOU ALL RIGHT, THERE? LEAVE THE BOTTLE. OOH, THAT LAD IS DRINKING ME OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME. HOW LONG TILL PIRELLI GETS BACK? HE WON'T BE BACK. (BLADE SCRAPES) (SHE GASPS) (WHISPERS): MR. T., YOU DIDN'T. (FLOORBOARDS CREAK) (SHOP BELL) (HINGE SQUEAKS) (GASPS): YOU'RE BARKIN' MAD. KILLIN' A MAN WHAT DONE YOU NO HARM. HE RECOGNIZED ME FROM THE OLD DAYS. TRIED TO BLACKMAIL ME. HALF ME EARNIN'S. OH, WELL, IT'S A DIFFERENT MATTER, THEN. FOR A MOMENT THERE, I THOUGHT YOU'D LOST YOUR MARBLES. (HINGE SQUEAKS) EURGH. ALL THAT BLOOD. POOR BUGGER. OH, WELL. (FLESH SQUELCHES) (COINS JINGLE) WELL, WASTE NOT, WANT NOT. (SIGHS) (HINGE SQUEAKS) SO, UM...WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT THE BOY, THEN? SEND HIM UP. OH, WE DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT HIM. HE'S A SIMPLE THING. SEND HIM UP! NOW, MR. T., SURELY ONE'S ENOUGH FOR TODAY. BESIDES, I WAS THINKING OF HIRING THE LAD... TO HELP ME AROUND THE SHOP. ME POOR KNEES AREN'T WHAT THEY USED TO BE. (FLOORBOARD CREAKING) ALL RIGHT. COURSE, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO STOCK UP ON THE GIN. BOY DRINKS LIKE A SAILOR. THE JUDGE. (WHISPERS): GET OUT. GET OUT! (SHOP BELL) (SHOP BELL) (DOOR CLOSES) MR. TODD? AT YOUR SERVICE. AN HONOUR TO RECEIVE YOUR PATRONAGE, MILORD. YOU KNOW ME, SIR? WHO IN THIS WIDE WORLD DOES NOT KNOW THE GREAT JUDGE TURPIN? (FLOORBOARDS CREAK) THESE PREMISES ARE HARDLY PREPOSSESSING, AND YET THE BEADLE TELLS ME YOU'RE THE MOST ACCOMPLISHED OF ALL THE BARBERS IN THE CITY. THAT IS GRACIOUS OF HIM, SIR. (FLOORBOARDS CREAKING) WHAT MAY I DO FOR YOU TODAY, SIR? A STYLISH... TRIMMING OF THE HAIR? SOOTHING SKIN MASSAGE? SIT, SIR. SIT. # YOU SEE, SIR, A MAN INFATUATE WITH LOVE # # HER ARDENT AND EAGER SLAVE # # SO FETCH THE POMADE AND PUMICE STONE # # AND LEND ME A MORE SEDUCTIVE TONE # # A SPRINKLING PERHAPS OF FRENCH COLOGNE # # BUT FIRST, SIR, I THINK... # # A SHAVE # # THE CLOSEST I EVER GAVE # (WHISTLES MELODY) YOU'RE IN A MERRY MOOD TODAY, MR. TODD. # 'TIS YOUR DELIGHT, SIR, CATCHING FIRE # # FROM ONE MAN TO THE NEXT # # 'TIS TRUE, SIR # # LOVE CAN STILL INSPIRE THE BLOOD TO POUND # # THE HEART LEAP HIGHER # BOTH: # WHAT MORE CAN MAN REQUIRE # # THAN LOVE, SIR # # MORE THAN LOVE, SIR # # WHAT, SIR? # # WOMEN # # AH, YES, WOMEN # # PRETTY WOMEN # (HUMS MELODY) (WHISTLES MELODY) (FLOORBOARD CREAKING) (BLADE SCRAPING) # NOW THEN # # MY FRIEND # # NOW TO YOUR PURPOSE # (BLADE SCRAPING) # PATIENCE # # ENJOY IT # # REVENGE CAN'T BE TAKEN IN HASTE # # MAKE HASTE, AND IF WE WED YOU'LL BE COMMENDED, SIR # # MY LORD # # AND WHO MAY IT BE SAID IS YOUR INTENDED, SIR? # # MY WARD # A PRETTY LITTLE ROSEBUD. PRETTY AS HER MOTHER? WHAT? WHAT WAS THAT? NOTHING, SIR. NOTHING. MAY WE PROCEED? (SCRAPE) # PRETTY WOMEN # # FASCINATING # # SIPPING COFFEE # # DANCING # # PRETTY WOMEN # # ARE A WONDER # (FLOORBOARDS CREAK) # PRETTY WOMEN # # SITTING IN THE WINDOW # # OR STANDING ON THE STAIR # # SOMETHING IN THEM # (SCRAPE) # CHEERS THE AIR # (SCRAPE) # PRETTY WOMEN # # SILHOUETTED # (SCRAPE) # STAY WITHIN YOU # # GLANCING # # STAY FOREVER # # BREATHING LIGHTLY # # PRETTY WOMEN # BOTH: # PRETTY WOMEN # # BLOWING OUT THEIR CANDLES # # BLOWING OUT THEIR CANDLES # # OR COMBING OUT THEIR HAIR # # COMBING OUT THEIR HAIR # # THEN THEY LEAVE # # EVEN WHEN THEY LEAVE # # EVEN WHEN THEY LEAVE YOU AND VANISH # # THEY SOMEHOW CAN # # THEY STILL # # STILL REMAIN # # ARE THERE # # THERE WITH YOU # # THEY'RE THERE # # THERE WITH YOU # # PRETTY WOMEN # # PRETTY WOMEN # # AT THEIR MIRRORS # # IN THEIR GARDENS # # LETTER-WRITING # # FLOWER-PICKING # # WEATHER-WATCHING # BOTH: # HOW THEY MAKE A MAN SING! # # PROOF OF HEAVEN # # AS YOU'RE LIVING # # PRETTY WOMEN, SIR! # # PRETTY WOMEN! # # YES! PRETTY WOMEN! # # ALL THE PRETTY WOMEN # ANTHONY: MR. TODD! I'VE SEEN JOHANNA AND SHE SAID SHE'D LEAVE WITH ME TONIGHT. YOU. THERE IS INDEED A HIGHER POWER TO WARN ME THUS IN TIME. JOHANNA ELOPE WITH YOU? I'LL MAKE SURE THAT NEITHER YOU NOR ANY OTHER MAN SHALL EVER SET EYES ON HER AGAIN. AS FOR YOU, BARBER, IT'S ALL TOO CLEAR WHAT COMPANY YOU KEEP. SERVICE THEM WELL AND HOLD THEIR CUSTOM... FOR YOU'LL HAVE NONE OF MINE. ANTHONY: MR. TODD, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME. OUT. MR. TODD, PLEASE. OUT. MR. TODD! OUT! (RUNNING FOOTSTEPS) ALL THIS SHOUTING AND RUNNING ABOUT. WHAT'S HAPPENED? I HAD HIM. THE SAILOR BUSTED IN, I KNOW. AND THEN I SAW THEM BOTH RUNNING DOWN THE STAIRS. I HAD HIM! (BLADE CLICKS) # HIS THROAT WAS BARE BENEATH MY HAND # THERE, THERE, DEAR. CALM DOWN. NO, I HAD HIM! # HIS THROAT WAS THERE AND HE'LL NEVER COME AGAIN # # EASY NOW # # HUSH, LOVE, HUSH # # I KEEP TELLING YOU # # WHEN? # # WHAT'S YOUR RUSH? # # WHY DID I WAIT? YOU TOLD ME TO WAIT! # # NOW HE'LL NEVER COME AGAIN! # # THERE'S A HOLE IN THE WORLD LIKE A GREAT BLACK PIT # # AND IT'S FILLED WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE FILLED WITH SHIT # # AND THE VERMIN OF THE WORLD INHABIT IT # # BUT NOT FOR LONG! # # THEY ALL DESERVE TO DIE # # TELL YOU WHY, MRS. LOVETT # # TELL YOU WHY # # BECAUSE IN ALL OF THE WHOLE HUMAN RACE, MRS. LOVETT # # THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF MEN AND ONLY TWO # # THERE'S THE ONE STAYING PUT IN HIS PROPER PLACE # # AND THE ONE WITH HIS FOOT IN THE OTHER ONE'S FACE # # LOOK AT ME, MRS. LOVETT, LOOK AT YOU # # NO, WE ALL DESERVE TO DIE # # EVEN YOU, MRS. LOVETT # # EVEN I # # BECAUSE THE LIVES OF THE WICKED SHOULD BE MADE BRIEF # # FOR THE REST OF US, DEATH WILL BE A RELIEF # # WE ALL DESERVE TO DIE # # AND I'LL NEVER SEE JOHANNA # # NO, I'LL NEVER HUG MY GIRL TO ME # FINISHED! ALL RIGHT! YOU, SIR. HOW ABOUT A SHAVE? COME AND VISIT YOUR GOOD FRIEND SWEENEY! YOU, SIR, TOO, SIR! WELCOME TO THE GRAVE! # I WILL HAVE VENGEANCE # # I WILL HAVE SALVATION # WHO, SIR? YOU, SIR? NO ONE'S IN THE CHAIR. COME ON, COME ON. SWEENEY'S WAITING! I WANT YOU BLEEDERS. YOU, SIR! ANYBODY! GENTLEMEN, NOW DON'T BE SHY! # NOT ONE MAN # # NO, NOR TEN MEN # # NOR A HUNDRED # # CAN ASSUAGE ME # # I WILL HAVE YOU # # AND I WILL GET HIM BACK EVEN AS HE GLOATS # # IN THE MEANTIME, I'LL PRACTICE ON LESS HONOURABLE THROATS # # AND MY LUCY # # LIES IN ASHES # # AND I'LL NEVER SEE MY GIRL AGAIN # (BLADE SCRAPES) # BUT THE WORK WAITS! # # I'M ALIVE AT LAST! # # AND I'M FULL OF JOY! # THAT'S ALL VERY WELL, BUT WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT HIM? HELLO? DO YOU HEAR ME? (SIGHS): COME ON. (WHISPERS): OH, YOU GREAT USELESS THING. (PEDESTRIANS CHATTER OUTSIDE) (PEDESTRIANS CHATTER OUTSIDE) (DOOR BANGS SHUT) SIT DOWN. (SHE SIGHS) (GIN SLOSHES) THERE. DRINK IT DOWN. (SIGHS): NOW, WE GOT A BODY MOULDERING AWAY UPSTAIRS. NOW, WHAT DO YOU INTEND WE SHOULD DO ABOUT THAT, THEN? LATER ON WHEN IT'S DARK... WE'LL TAKE IT TO SOME SECRET PLACE AND BURY IT. OH, YEAH. COURSE WE COULD DO THAT. DON'T SUPPOSE HE'S GOT ANY RELATIVES... THAT'S GONNA COME POKING AROUND LOOKING FOR HIM. # SEEMS A DOWNRIGHT SHAME # SHAME? # SEEMS AN AWFUL WASTE # # SUCH A NICE PLUMP FRAME WHAT'S-HIS-NAME HAS # # HAD, HAS # # NOR IT CAN'T BE TRACED # # BUSINESS NEEDS A LIFT # # DEBTS TO BE ERASED # # THINK OF IT AS THRIFT, AS A GIFT # IF YOU GET MY DRIFT. # SEEMS AN AWFUL WASTE # # I MEAN, WITH THE PRICE OF MEAT WHAT IT IS # # WHEN YOU GET IT, IF YOU GET IT # AH. # GOOD, YOU GOT IT # # TAKE FOR INSTANCE MRS. MOONEY AND HER PIE SHOP # # BUSINESS NEVER BETTER USING ONLY PUSSYCATS AND TOAST # # NOW A PUSSY'S GOOD FOR MAYBE SIX OR SEVEN # # AT THE MOST # # AND I'M SURE THEY CAN'T COMPARE AS FAR AS TASTE # # MRS. LOVETT, WHAT A CHARMING NOTION # # EMINENTLY PRACTICAL # # AND YET APPROPRIATE AS ALWAYS, MRS. LOVETT # # HOW I'VE LIVED WITHOUT YOU ALL THESE YEARS, I'LL NEVER KNOW! # # LOTS OF OTHER GENTLEMEN'LL # # HOW DELECTABLE! # # SOON BE COMING FOR A SHAVE # # ALSO UNDETECTABLE! # WON'T THEY? # # HOW CHOICE! HOW RARE! # # FOR WHAT'S THE SOUND OF THE WORLD OUT THERE? # # WHAT, MR. TODD, WHAT MR. TODD, WHAT IS THAT SOUND? # # THOSE CRUNCHING NOISES PERVADING THE AIR? # # YES, MR. TODD, YES, MR. TODD, YES, ALL AROUND # # IT'S MAN DEVOURING MAN, MY DEAR # BOTH: # AND WHO ARE WE TO DENY IT IN HERE? # THESE ARE DESPERATE TIMES, MRS. LOVETT... AND DESPERATE MEASURES ARE CALLED FOR. (SIZZLES) HERE WE ARE, HOT OUT OF THE OVEN. WHAT IS THAT? # IT'S PRIEST, HAVE A LITTLE PRIEST # # IS IT REALLY GOOD? # # SIR, IT'S TOO GOOD, AT LEAST # # THEN AGAIN, THEY DON'T COMMIT SINS OF THE FLESH # # SO IT'S PRETTY FRESH # # AWFUL LOT OF FAT # # ONLY WHERE IT SAT # # HAVEN'T YOU GOT POET OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT? # # NO, YOU SEE, THE TROUBLE WITH POET # # IS HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S DECEASED? # # TRY THE PRIEST # (BELL TOLLING) (PEDESTRIANS CHATTER) (BELL TOLLING) LAWYER'S RATHER NICE. TODD: # IF IT'S FOR A PRICE # # ORDER SOMETHING ELSE, THOUGH, TO FOLLOW # # SINCE NO ONE SHOULD SWALLOW IT TWICE # # ANYTHING THAT'S LEAN? # # WELL, THEN, IF YOU'RE BRITISH AND LOYAL # # YOU MIGHT ENJOY ROYAL MARINE # # ANYWAY, IT'S CLEAN # # THOUGH, OF COURSE, IT TASTES OF WHEREVER IT'S BEEN # # IS THAT SQUIRE ON THE FIRE? # # MERCY, NO, SIR, LOOK CLOSER YOU'LL NOTICE IT'S GROCER # TODD: # LOOKS THICKER, MORE LIKE VICAR # # NO, IT HAS TO BE GROCER # (WHISPERS): IT'S GREEN. # THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, MY LOVE # # SAVE A LOT OF GRAVES, DO A LOT OF RELATIVES FAVOURS # # IS THOSE BELOW SERVING THOSE UP ABOVE # # EVERYBODY SHAVES # # SO THERE SHOULD BE PLENTY OF FLAVOURS # # HOW GRATIFYING FOR ONCE TO KNOW # BOTH: # THAT THOSE ABOVE WILL SERVE THOSE DOWN BELOW! # WHAT IS THAT? # IT'S FOP # # FINEST IN THE SHOP # # OR WE HAVE SOME SHEPHERD'S PIE PEPPERED # # WITH ACTUAL SHEPHERD ON TOP # # AND I'VE JUST BEGUN # # HERE'S THE POLITICIAN, SO OILY # # IT'S SERVED WITH A DOILY, HAVE ONE # # PUT IT ON A BUN # # WELL, YOU NEVER KNOW IF IT'S GOING TO RUN # # TRY THE FRIAR # # FRIED, IT'S DRIER # # NO, THE CLERGY IS REALLY TOO COARSE AND TOO MEALY # # THEN ACTOR, IT'S COMPACTER # # AH, BUT ALWAYS ARRIVES OVERDONE # I'LL COME AGAIN WHEN YOU HAVE JUDGE ON THE MENU. # HAVE CHARITY TOWARDS THE WORLD, MY PET # # YES, YES, I KNOW, MY LOVE # # WE'LL TAKE THE CUSTOMERS THAT WE CAN GET # # HIGH-BORN AND LOW, MY LOVE # # WE'LL NOT DISCRIMINATE GREAT FROM SMALL # # NO, WE'LL SERVE ANYONE # # MEANING ANYONE # # WE'LL SERVE ANYONE # # AND TO ANYONE # # AT ALL! # (CROW CAWS) (CLUNK) (CREAK) SO IT'S TRUE. SIR. A GENTLEMAN KNOCKS BEFORE ENTERING A LADY'S ROOM. INDEED HE DOES, BUT I SEE NO LADY. I TOLD MYSELF THAT THE SAILOR WAS LYING... THAT MY JOHANNA WOULD NEVER BETRAY ME... NEVER HURT ME SO. SIR, I WILL LEAVE THIS PLACE. I THINK THAT ONLY APPROPRIATE... SINCE YOU NO LONGER FIND MY COMPANY TO YOUR LIKING. (FOOTSTEPS) WE SHALL PROVIDE YOU WITH NEW LODGINGS. UNTIL THIS MOMENT, I HAVE SPARED THE ROD. BUT THE UNGRATEFUL CHILD HAS BROKEN MY HEART. WHEN YOU'VE LEARNT TO APPRECIATE WHAT YOU HAVE, PERHAPS WE SHALL MEET AGAIN. UNTIL THEN... THINK... ON YOUR SINS. NO! (DOOR OPENING) NO! NO, PLEASE! (SHE SCREAMS) JOHANNA! WHERE ARE YOU TAKING HER? TELL ME OR I SWEAR I'LL... YOU'D KILL ME, BOY? HERE I STAND! JOHANNA! (HINGES SQUEAK) (SCREWS RATTLE) (SQUEAKING) (CRUNCH AND CREAK) (THUNDERCLAP) (ROLLING THUNDER) # I FEEL YOU # # JOHANNA # # I FEEL YOU # # DO THEY THINK THAT WALLS CAN HIDE YOU? # # EVEN NOW, I'M AT YOUR WINDOW # # I AM IN THE DARK BESIDE YOU # # BURIED SWEETLY IN YOUR YELLOW HAIR # # JOHANNA # # AND ARE YOU BEAUTIFUL AND PALE WITH YELLOW HAIR # AAAH! # LIKE HER? # # I'D WANT YOU BEAUTIFUL AND PALE # # THE WAY I'VE DREAMED YOU WERE # # JOHANNA # # AND IF YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, WHAT THEN # # WITH YELLOW HAIR, LIKE WHEAT # # I THINK WE SHALL NOT MEET AGAIN, MY LITTLE DOVE # AAAHH! # MY SWEET JOHANNA # ANTHONY: # I'LL STEAL YOU # # JOHANNA # TODD: # GOODBYE, JOHANNA # # YOU'RE GONE, AND YET YOU'RE MINE # # I'M FINE, JOHANNA # # I'M FINE # # JOHANNA # (CHATTER) SMOKE! SMOKE! SIGN OF THE DEVIL. SIGN OF THE DEVIL. # CITY ON FIRE! # # WITCH! WITCH! # # SMELL IT, SIR, AN EVIL SMELL # # EVERY NIGHT AT THE VESPERS BELL # # SMOKE THAT COMES FROM THE MOUTH OF HELL # # CITY ON FIRE! # # CITY ON FIRE # MISCHIEF! MISCHIEF! MISCHIEF! (SHOP BELL) (DOOR CREAKS) # AND IF I NEVER HEAR YOUR VOICE # # MY TURTLEDOVE, MY DEAR # # I STILL HAVE REASON TO REJOICE # # THE WAY AHEAD IS CLEAR # # JOHANNA # ANTHONY: # I FEEL YOU # TODD: # AND IN THAT DARKNESS WHEN I'M BLIND # # WITH WHAT I CAN'T FORGET # # JOHANNA # # IT'S ALWAYS MORNING IN MY MIND # # MY LITTLE LAMB, MY PET # # JOHANNA # # YOU STAY, JOHANNA # # THE WAY I'VE DREAMED YOU ARE # # OH, LOOK, JOHANNA # AAAHH! UGH! # A STAR! # # BURIED SWEETLY IN YOUR YELLOW HAIR # (GEARS WHIRRING) # A SHOOTING STAR # # THERE, THERE! SOMEBODY, SOMEBODY, LOOK UP THERE # # DIDN'T I TELL YOU? SMELL THAT AIR # # CITY ON FIRE! # # QUICK, SIR, RUN AND TELL # # WARN 'EM ALL OF THE WITCH'S SPELL # # THERE IT IS, THERE IT IS, THE UNHOLY SMELL # # TELL IT TO THE BEADLE AND POLICE AS WELL! # # TELL 'EM! TELL 'EM! HELP! FIEND! CITY ON FIRE! # # CITY ON FIRE # MISCHIEF. MISCHIEF. (RAISED VOICES) # AND THOUGH I'LL THINK OF YOU # (FLESH SLITHERS) # I GUESS # # UNTIL THE DAY I DIE # (GEARS CRUNCH AND WHIR) # I THINK I MISS YOU LESS AND LESS # # AS EVERY DAY GOES BY # # JOHANNA # # JOHANNA # # AND YOU'D BE BEAUTIFUL AND PALE # # AND LOOK TOO MUCH LIKE HER # # IF ONLY ANGELS COULD PREVAIL # # WE'D BE THE WAY WE WERE # # JOHANNA # # I FEEL YOU # # JOHANNA # (BLADE CLINKS) # WAKE UP, JOHANNA # # ANOTHER BRIGHT RED DAY # # WE LEARN, JOHANNA # # TO SAY # (CHOKING) # GOODBYE # ANTHONY: # I'LL STEAL # # YOU # (PEDESTRIANS CHATTER) # LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE? # # ARE YOUR NOSTRILS A-QUIVER AND TINGLING AS WELL # # AT THAT DELICATE, LUSCIOUS AMBROSIAL SMELL? # # YES, THEY ARE, I CAN TELL # # WELL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN # # THAT AROMA ENRICHING THE BREEZE # # IS LIKE NOTHING COMPARED TO ITS SUCCULENT SOURCE # # AS THE GOURMETS AMONG YOU WILL TELL YOU, OF COURSE # # LADIES AND GENTLEMEN # # YOU CAN'T IMAGINE THE RAPTURE IN STORE # # JUST INSIDE OF THIS DOOR # (LOUD CHATTER) # THERE YOU'LL SAMPLE MRS. LOVETT'S MEAT PIES # # SAVOURY AND SWEET PIES, AS YOU'LL SEE # # YOU WHO EAT PIES, MRS. LOVETT'S MEAT PIES # # CONJURE UP THE TREAT PIES USED TO BE # (LAUGHTER AND LOUD CHATTER) TOBY! COMING! ALE THERE! RIGHT, MA'AM! MRS. LOVETT: QUICK, NOW! # NICE TO SEE YOU, DEARIE # THANK YOU. # HOW HAVE YOU BEEN KEEPING? COR, ME BONES IS WEARY # # TOBY! ONE FOR THE GENTLEMAN # # HEAR THE BIRDIES CHEEPING # # HELPS TO KEEP IT CHEERY # # TOBY! THROW THE OLD WOMAN OUT! # WHAT'S MY SECRET? # FRANKLY, DEAR, FORGIVE MY CANDOUR # # FAMILY SECRET ALL TO DO WITH 'ERBS # # THINGS LIKE BEIN' CAREFUL WITH YOUR CORIANDER # # THAT'S WHAT MAKES THE GRAVY GRANDER! # (CUSTOMERS CHATTERING) # EAT THEM SLOW # # AND FEEL THE CRUST HOW THIN I ROLLED IT # # EAT THEM SLOW, 'CAUSE EVERY ONE'S A PRIZE! # # EAT THEM SLOW, 'CAUSE THAT'S THE LOT # # AND NOW WE'VE SOLD IT! COME AGAIN TOMORROW # HOLD IT! # BLESS MY EYES! # # FRESH SUPPLIES! # # HOW ABOUT IT, DEARIE? BE HERE IN A TWINKLING! # # JUST CONFIRMS ME THEORY # # TOBY # GOD WATCHES OVER US. # DIDN'T HAVE AN INKLING, POSITIVELY EERIE # # TOBY! THROW THE OLD WOMAN OUT! # (BIRDSONG) LOVETT: STILL GOT TO KEEP AN EYE ON HOUSEHOLD EXPENDITURE. MM. HM. WHICH ISN'T TO SAY... WE COULDN'T GET SOME NICE TAXIDERMY ANIMALS... BRING A TOUCH OF GENTILITY TO THE PLACE. YOU KNOW, A BOAR'S HEAD OR TWO? MR. T.? YOU LISTENING TO ME? OF COURSE. THEN WHAT DID I JUST SAY? THERE MUST BE A WAY TO THE JUDGE. JUDGE. ALWAYS HARPING ON THE BLOODY OLD JUDGE. WE GOT A NICE RESPECTABLE BUSINESS NOW. MONEY COMING IN REGULAR-LIKE. AND SINCE WE'RE CAREFUL TO PICK AND CHOOSE, STRANGERS... PEOPLE THAT WON'T BE MISSED... WHO'S GONNA CATCH ON? # OOH, MR. TODD # # I'M SO HAPPY I COULD # (KISS) # EAT YOU UP, I REALLY COULD # # YOU KNOW WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO, MR. TODD # # WHAT I DREAM # # IF THE BUSINESS STAYS AS GOOD WHERE I'D REALLY LIKE TO GO # # IN A YEAR OR SO? # # DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW? # OF COURSE. # DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW? # YES, I DO. (BIRDSONG) (WIND RUSTLING LEAVES) (SEAGULLS CRYING) (WAVES LAPPING) # BY THE SEA, MR. TODD, THAT'S THE LIFE I COVET # # BY THE SEA, MR. TODD, OOH, I KNOW YOU'D LOVE IT # # YOU AND ME, MR. T., WE COULD BE ALONE # # IN A HOUSE WHAT WE'D ALMOST OWN # # DOWN BY THE SEA # # ANYTHING YOU SAY # # WOULDN'T THAT BE SMASHIN'? # # THINK HOW SNUG IT'LL BE UNDERNEATH OUR FLANNEL # # WHEN IT'S JUST YOU AND ME AND THE ENGLISH CHANNEL # # IN OUR COSY RETREAT KEPT ALL NEAT AND TIDY # # WE'LL HAVE CHUMS OVER EVERY FRIDAY # # BY THE SEA # # DON'T YOU LOVE THE WEATHER # # BY THE SEA? # # WE'LL GROW OLD TOGETHER # # BY THE SEASIDE # # BY THE BEAUTIFUL SEA # (SEAGULLS CRY) # IT'LL BE SO QUIET # # THAT WHO'LL COME BY IT EXCEPT A SEAGULL? # # HO-HUM! # # WE SHOULDN'T TRY IT, THOUGH, TILL IT'S LEGAL FOR TWO # WE ARE GATHERED HERE-- # BUT A SEASIDE WEDDING COULD BE DEVISED # # ME RUMPLED BEDDIN' LEGITIMIZED # # ME EYELIDS'LL FLUTTER, I'LL TURN INTO BUTTER # # THE MOMENT I MUTTER I DO # I DO. DO YOU TAKE THIS WOMAN TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE? (CHURCH ORGAN PLAYS) YOU MAY KISS YOUR BRIDE. # DOWN BY THE SEA # # MARRIED NICE AND PROPER # # BY THE SEA # # BRING ALONG YOUR CHOPPER # # TO THE SEASIDE # # OH, BY THE BEAUTIFUL SEA # (SEAGULLS CRY) (SHOP BELL) (DOOR SQUEAKS AND CREAKS) I BROUGHT YOU SOME BREAKFAST, DEAR. MR. T.? CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? WHAT? WHAT DID YOUR LUCY LOOK LIKE? CAN'T REALLY REMEMBER, CAN YOU? SHE HAD YELLOW 'AIR. (SIGHS): YOU GOTTA LEAVE THIS ALL BEHIND YOU NOW. SHE'S GONE. LIFE IS FOR THE ALIVE, MY DEAR. WE COULD HAVE A LIFE, US TWO. MAYBE NOT LIKE I DREAMED. MAYBE NOT LIKE YOU REMEMBER. BUT WE COULD GET BY. MR. TODD! MRS. LOVETT, MA'AM? WHAT IS IT, ANTHONY? HE HAS HER LOCKED IN A MADHOUSE. JOHANNA. FOGG'S ASYLUM. I'VE CIRCLED THE PLACE A DOZEN TIMES. THERE'S NO WAY IN. IT'S A FORTRESS. (WHISPERS): I'VE GOT HIM. MR. TODD? (WHISPERS): WE'VE GOT HER. WHERE DO YOU SUPPOSE ALL THE WIGMAKERS IN LONDON GO TO OBTAIN THEIR HAIR? BEDLAM. THEY GET IT FROM THE LUNATICS AT BEDLAM. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WE SHALL SET YOU UP AS A WIGMAKER'S APPRENTICE. THAT'LL GAIN YOU ACCESS. AND THEN YOU TAKE HER. GO. QUICKLY, GO! (SHOP BELL) FETCH THE BOY. DON'T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE THE BOY ALONE? (DOOR CREAKS) (SHOP BELL) (SCRUBBING AND SCRAPING DOWNSTAIRS) TOBY. MR. TODD NEEDS YOU. YES, MA'AM. (CLINKS INKWELL) (SCRATCHING PAPER) (SHOP BELL) MR. T.? DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE OLD BAILEY IS? YES, SIR. NOT THAT I EVER BEEN THERE. TAKE THIS THERE. SEEK OUT A JUDGE TURPIN. REPEAT THAT. GO TO OLD BAILEY. FIND JUDGE TURPIN. YOU PUT THAT INTO HIS HANDS. ONLY TO HIM, YOU UNDERSTAND? YES, SIR. AND WHILE I'M OUT... DO YOU MIND IF I STOP BY THE GROCER JUST TO PICK-- NO. YOU'RE NOT TO STOP, YOU'RE NOT TO SPEAK. YOU'RE TO DELIVER THE LETTER. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? YES, SIR. (SHOP BELL) (DOOR CREAKS) (PEDESTRIANS CHATTER) (DOOR CREAKS AND SHUTS) (SHE SNORTS AND GASPS) WHERE YOU BEEN, LAD? WE HAD QUITE THE RUSH AT DINNER TIME. ME POOR BONES IS READY TO DROP. MR. TODD SENT ME ON AN ERRAND. OH. AND ON THE WAY BACK... I WENT BY THE WORKHOUSE, JUST TO TAKE A LOOK. AND I WAS THINKING, BUT FOR YOU, I'D BE THERE NOW. HM. OR SOMEPLACE WORSE. SEEMS LIKE THE GOOD LORD SENT YOU FOR ME. OH, LOVE, I FEEL QUITE THE SAME WAY. LISTEN TO ME, PLEASE. DO YOU KNOW THERE'S NOTHING I WOULDN'T DO FOR YOU? SAY, IF THERE WERE SOMEONE AROUND... SOMEONE BAD? ONLY YOU DIDN'T KNOW IT. WHAT IS THIS? WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT? # NOTHING'S GONNA HARM YOU # # NOT WHILE I'M AROUND # # NOTHING'S GONNA HARM YOU # # NO, SIR, NOT WHILE I'M AROUND # WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SOMEONE BAD? # DEMONS ARE PROWLING EVERYWHERE # # NOWADAYS # # I'LL SEND 'EM HOWLIN', I DON'T CARE # # I GOT WAYS # HUSH, DARLIN', THERE'S NO NEED FOR THIS. # NO ONE'S GONNA HURT YOU # # NO ONE'S GONNA DARE # # OTHERS CAN DESERT YOU # # NOT TO WORRY, WHISTLE, I'LL BE THERE # # DEMONS'LL CHARM YOU WITH A SMILE # # FOR A WHILE # # BUT IN TIME # # NOTHING CAN HARM YOU # # NOT WHILE I'M AROUND # THAT'S NICE, DEAR. NOW, WHAT IS ALL THIS FOOLISHNESS? WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT? LITTLE THINGS THAT I'VE BEEN THINKING... ABOUT MR. TODD. # NOT TO WORRY, NOT TO WORRY # # I MAY NOT BE SMART, BUT I AIN'T DUMB # # I CAN DO IT, PUT ME TO IT # # SHOW ME SOMETHING I CAN OVERCOME # # NOT TO WORRY, MA'AM # # BEING CLOSE AND BEING CLEVER # # AIN'T LIKE BEING TRUE # # I DON'T NEED TO, I WON'T NEVER # # HIDE A THING FROM YOU # # LIKE SOME # NOW, TOBY, DEAR... HAVEN'T WE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS FOOLISH CHATTER? (COINS CLINK) 'ERE... HOW ABOUT I GIVE YOU A NICE SHINY NEW PENNY... AND YOU GO AND GET US SOME TOFFEES? (GASPS): THAT'S SIGNOR PIRELLI'S PURSE! NO, IT'S NOT. JUST SOMETHING MR. T. GAVE ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY. THAT PROVES IT! WE GOTTA GO, MA'AM. WE GOTTA FIND THE BEADLE... SHH! ...AND GET THE LAW HERE! SHUSH, TOBY. HUSH, LAD, YOU'RE NOT GOIN' ANYWHERE. YOU JUST SIT HERE, NICE AND QUIET, NEXT TO ME. THAT'S RIGHT, RIGHT. HOW COULD YOU THINK SUCH A THING OF MR. TODD? HE'S BEEN SO GOOD TO US. # NOTHING'S GONNA HARM YOU # # NOT WHILE I'M AROUND # # NOTHING'S GONNA HARM YOU, DARLIN' # # NOT WHILE I'M AROUND # # DEMONS'LL CHARM YOU WITH A SMILE # # FOR A WHILE # # BUT IN TIME # # NOTHING'S GONNA HARM YOU # # NOT WHILE I'M AROUND # (SNIFFS) FUNNY WE SHOULD BE HAVING THIS LITTLE CHAT RIGHT NOW. 'CAUSE I WAS JUST THINKIN'... (WHISPERS): ...YOU KNOW HOW YOU'VE ALWAYS FANCIED... COMING INTO THE BAKEHOUSE WITH ME TO HELP MAKE THE PIES? YES, MA'AM. WELL... NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT, EH? (SQUEAK) (CLUNK AND CLANK) I FEEL BAD FOR YOU, GOIN' UP AND DOWN ALL THESE STAIRS. WELL, THAT'LL BE YOUR JOB NOW. YES, MA'AM. (CLANKS AND CREAKS) (FIRE ROARING AND CRACKLING) QUITE A STINK, AIN'T THERE? YOU SEE THOSE GRATES? THEY GO RIGHT DOWN TO THE SEWERS... AND THE SMELLS COME UP. ALWAYS A FEW RATS GONE HOME TO JESUS DOWN THERE. (CLANK) NOW, THIS'LL BE THE BAKE OVEN. THREE DOZEN AT A TIME. ALWAYS BE SURE THE DOOR IS CLOSED PROPERLY, LIKE THIS. DOOR'S CLOSED PROPERLY. THIS IS A GRINDER. POP IN THE MEAT. GIVE IT A GOOD GRIND. (CRANKING AND WHIRRING) (SQUELCHING) POPS OUT THERE. YOU TRY. GOOD GRIND. (GRINDS AND SQUEAKS) (SQUELCHING) COMES OUT THERE. THAT'S MY BOY. I'M JUST GONNA POP UPSTAIRS. BACK IN TWO SHAKES, ALL RIGHT? DO YOU MIND IF I HAVE A PIE WHILE I WAIT? AS MANY AS YOU LIKE, SON. (DOOR CREAKS) (SLAM) (CLICK) (SIGHS) MR. FOGG: OH, YES, SIR, I AGREE. IT WOULD BE TO OUR MUTUAL INTEREST... TO COME TO SOME ARRANGEMENT... IN REGARD TO MY POOR CHILDREN'S HAIR. BRUNETTES. (KEYS JANGLING) REDHEADS. I KEEP THE BLONDES IN HERE. IT WAS YELLOW HAIR YOU WAS LOOKING FOR, SIR? YES. (KEYS JANGLE) (KEY CRUNCHES IN LOCK) (DOOR CREAKS) (WOMEN WHIMPER AND SQUEAL) HEY! (SOBBING) (PANTING AND WHINING) (SLOW FOOTSTEPS) THAT ONE THERE HAS THE SHADE I NEED. COME, CHILD. (WOMAN GASPING) (WOMEN SQUEALING AND SOBBING) SMILE FOR THE GENTLEMAN, AND YOU SHALL HAVE A SWEETIE. NOW, WHERE SHALL I CUT? (SNIP SNIP) NOT ANOTHER WORD, MR. FOGG... OR IT WILL BE YOUR LAST. NOW... I LEAVE YOU TO THE MERCY OF YOUR...CHILDREN. (WILD SCREAMING) (MR. FOGG SCREAMS) I GOT HIM LOCKED IN. BUT IF HE ESCAPES, HE'LL GO TO THE LAW. THEN HE WON'T ESCAPE. I DON'T KNOW, MR. TODD. THE JUDGE'LL BE HERE SOON-- (CREAKS AND BANGS) (SHE GASPS) 'SCUSE ME, SIR. GAVE ME A FRIGHT. NOT MY INTENTION, GOOD MADAM. I ASSURE YOU. THOUGH I AM HERE ON OFFICIAL BUSINESS. YOU SEE, THERE'S BEEN SOME COMPLAINTS... ABOUT THE STINK FROM YOUR CHIMNEY. THEY SAY AT NIGHT IT IS SOMETHING MOST FOUL. HEALTH REGULATIONS AND THE GENERAL PUBLIC WELFARE, NATURALLY BEING MY DUTY, I'M AFRAID, (SNIFFS) ...I'M GONNA HAVE TO TAKE A LOOK... (SNIFFS, SNEEZES) ...AT YOUR BAKEHOUSE. (TODD UNCLIPS BLADE) OF COURSE, SIR. BUT FIRST, WHY DON'T YOU COME UPSTAIRS? LET ME PAMPER YOU. MUCH AS I DO APPRECIATE TONSORIAL DOORMEN... I REALLY OUGHT TO SEE TO MY OFFICIAL OBLIGATIONS FIRST. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. (TODD SNIFFS) IF YOU'LL INDULGE ME, SIR, WHAT IS THAT EXOTIC AROMA? (SNIGGERS) ME SECRET... IS A TOUCH OF AMBERGRIS. DARE I OFFER YOU SOMETHING A TAD MORE APPROPRIATE... FOR A GENTLEMAN OF YOUR STANDING? AH... THE LADIES WILL GREATLY APPRECIATE IT, SIR. WELL, YOU ARE THE EXPERT IN THESE MATTERS. HM! ONLY TAKE A MOMENT. MM. WOULD YOU LIKE A BIT OF BAY RUM, SIR? OOH, BAY RUM IS VERY BRACING. (CLINK) (DOWNSTAIRS DOOR SHUTS) (DOOR OPENS) (SHOP BELL) (DOOR SHUTS) (SHOP BELL) (SCRUNCH) (SQUELCH) (SNAP) (CLANKING AND RUMBLING) (GASPING): LET ME OUT! PLEASE, LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! (CRUNCHING AND WHIRRING) (DOOR CREAKS) (SHOP BELL) (CREAKS) (DOOR CREAKS AND CLOSES) (CLICK) MRS. LOVETT: TOBY? (SHE WHISPERS): WHERE IS HE? (FOOTSTEPS ECHO) # TOBY # # WHERE ARE YOU, LOVE? # (WATER TRICKLING) TOBY? (RATS SQUEAKING) MRS. LOVETT: # NOTHING'S GONNA HARM YOU # # NOT WHILE I'M AROUND # TOBY? (RATS SQUEAKING) # WHERE ARE YOU HIDIN'? # TOBY? # NOTHING'S GONNA HARM YOU, DARLIN' # (RATS SQUEAKING) # NOT WHILE I'M AROUND # (RATS SQUEAKING) TOBY? MR. TODD! (SHOP BELL) YOU WAIT FOR HIM HERE. I'LL RETURN WITH A COACH IN LESS THAN HALF AN HOUR. DON'T WORRY. NO ONE'LL RECOGNIZE YOU. YOU'RE SAFE NOW. SAFE? SO, WE RUN AWAY AND THEN ALL OUR DREAMS COME TRUE? I HOPE SO. I'VE NEVER HAD DREAMS. ONLY NIGHTMARES. JOHANNA... WHEN WE'RE FREE OF THIS PLACE, ALL THE GHOSTS WILL GO AWAY. NO, ANTHONY. THEY NEVER GO AWAY. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK TO YOU. HALF AN HOUR AND WE'LL BE FREE. (SLAMS DOOR) (RUNNING FOOTSTEPS) (CLINK) (FOOTSTEPS) BEGGAR: # BEADLE! # (GASPS) # BEADLE! # # NO GOOD HIDING, I SAW YOU # (HINGE SQUEAKS) # ARE YOU IN THERE STILL # # BEADLE? BEADLE? # (CHEST CLUNKS) # BEADLE, DEAR BEADLE? # # BEADLE DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE DUMPLING # # BEADLE DUMPLING # # BE-DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE # # DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEDLE # (SHE WHIMPERS) WHO ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE? (WHIMPERING) EVIL IS HERE, SIR. THE STINK OF EVIL, FROM BELOW, FROM HER! OH, SHE'S THE DEVIL'S WIFE. BEWARE HER, SIR. SHE WITH NO PITY IN HER 'EART. OH. DON'T I KNOW YOU, MISTER? JUDGE TURPIN: MR. TODD? WHERE IS SHE? BELOW, YOUR HONOUR. WITH MY NEIGHBOUR. THANK HEAVENS THAT THE SAILOR DID NOT MOLEST HER. THANK HEAVENS TOO, SHE HAS SEEN THE ERROR OF HER WAYS. SHE HAS? OH, YES. YOUR LESSON WAS WELL LEARNED. SHE SPEAKS ONLY OF YOU. LONGING FOR FORGIVENESS. THEN SHE SHALL HAVE IT. SHE'LL BE HERE SOON, YOU SAY? YES. EXCELLENT, MY FRIEND. HOW 'BOUT A SHAVE? SIT, SIR. SIT. # OH # # PRETTY WOMEN # # PRETTY WOMEN, YES # # JOHANNA, JOHANNA # # PRETTY WOMEN, PRETTY WOMEN ARE A WONDER # # PRETTY WOMEN # # WHAT WE DO FOR PRETTY WOMEN # # BLOWING OUT THEIR CANDLES # # BLOWING OUT THEIR CANDLES # # OR COMBING OUT THEIR HAIR # # COMBING OUT THEIR HAIR # # THEN THEY LEAVE # (BLADE SCRAPES) # EVEN WHEN THEY LEAVE # # EVEN WHEN THEY LEAVE YOU AND VANISH # # THEY SOMEHOW # # THEY STILL # # CAN STILL REMAIN # # ARE THERE # # THERE WITH YOU # # THEY'RE THERE # # THERE # HOW SELDOM IT IS ONE MEETS A FELLOW SPIRIT. WITH FELLOW TASTES... IN WOMEN, AT LEAST. WHAT'S THAT? THE YEARS, NO DOUBT, HAVE CHANGED ME, SIR. BUT THEN, I SUPPOSE THE FACE OF A BARBER... THE FACE OF A PRISONER, A DOG... IS NOT PARTICULARLY MEMORABLE. BENJAMIN BARKER. BENJAMIN BARKER! AAAGHH! OH! OH! (GRUNTS) (THUNK) (RATTLING) (WHIR AND CLICK) (THUNDER) # REST NOW # # MY FRIEND # # REST NOW # # FOREVER # # SLEEP NOW # # THE UNTROUBLED SLEEP # # OF THE ANGELS # (CHEST CREAKS) (FOOTSTEPS) (CHEST CREAKS) (GASPS) COME FOR A SHAVE, HAVE YOU, LAD? NO, I... (SHE GASPS) EVERYONE NEEDS A GOOD SHAVE. OH! (MRS. LOVETT SCREAMS) (GASPS) FORGET MY FACE. DIE! GOD IN HEAVEN, DIE! OH! (GASPS) (SIGHS) (WHISPERS): YOU. (RUNNING FOOTSTEPS) (SHE GRUNTS) WHY DID YOU SCREAM? HE WAS CATCHING ONTO ME DRESS, BUT HE'S FINISHED NOW. I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT. OPEN THE DOOR. OPEN THE DOOR, I SAID. (BANGS AND RUMBLES) (CREAKS AND SQUEAKS) "DON'T I KNOW YOU?" SHE SAID. YOU KNEW SHE LIVED. I WAS ONLY THINKIN' OF YOU. YOU LIED TO ME. # NO, NO, NOT LIED AT ALL # # NO, I NEVER LIED # # LUCY # # SAID SHE TOOK A POISON, SHE DID # # NEVER SAID THAT SHE DIED # # I'VE COME HOME AGAIN # # POOR THING, SHE LIVED # # BUT IT LEFT HER WEAK IN THE HEAD # # ALL SHE DID FOR MONTHS WAS JUST LIE THERE IN BED # # SHOULD'VE BEEN IN HOSPITAL WOUND UP IN BEDLAM INSTEAD # # POOR THING # # OH, MY GOD! # # BETTER YOU SHOULD THINK SHE WAS DEAD # # YES, I LIED 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU # # I'D BE TWICE THE WIFE SHE WAS # # LUCY # # I LOVE YOU # # WHAT HAVE I DONE? # # COULD THAT THING HAVE CARED FOR YOU LIKE ME? # # MRS. LOVETT, YOU'RE A BLOODY WONDER # # EMINENTLY PRACTICAL AND YET APPROPRIATE AS ALWAYS # # AS YOU'VE SAID REPEATEDLY # # THERE'S LITTLE POINT IN DWELLING ON THE PAST # # NOW, COME HERE, MY LOVE # # DO YOU MEAN IT? # # EVERYTHING I DID, I SWEAR I THOUGHT WAS ONLY FOR THE BEST # # NOT A THING TO FEAR, MY LOVE # # WHAT'S DEAD IS DEAD # # CAN WE STILL BE MARRIED? # # THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, MY PET # # OH, MR. TODD, OH, MR. TODD, LEAVE IT TO ME # # IS LEARN FORGIVENESS AND TRY TO FORGET # # BY THE SEA, MR. TODD, WE'LL BE COMFY-COSY # # BY THE SEA, MR. TODD, WHERE THERE'S NO ONE NOSY # # AND LIFE IS FOR THE ALIVE, MY DEAR # # SO LET'S KEEP LIVING IT # BOTH: # JUST KEEP LIVING IT # # REALLY LIVING IT! # (SCREAMS) (SHE SCREAMS) (SCREAMS) (MUFFLED SCREAMS) (CREAKS AND CLICKS) (CLINKS) # THERE WAS A BARBER AND HIS WIFE # # AND SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL # # A FOOLISH BARBER AND HIS WIFE # # SHE WAS HIS REASON AND HIS LIFE # # AND SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL # # AND SHE WAS VIRTUOUS # # AND HE WAS... # (BLADE RINGS) WWW.TVNZ.CO.NZ/ACCESS-SERVICES CAPTIONS WERE MADE POSSIBLE WITH FUNDING FROM NZ ON AIR.