Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Able 2019 (TANNOY) "Announcing the arrival of flight 9435 from Beijing." "Customer service representative, please report to gate C." What's the purpose of your visit? Business or pleasure? What is the purpose of your visit? Business or pleasure? Just visiting. Shopping. Plaisir. It's pleasure. Business. How long will you be staying in the United States? Could I see your return ticket, please? Business or pleasure? One month. Enjoy your stay. Next. Stand by. He's fishing. "Copy that." See this bunch of Mickey Mouse sweatshirts down here? Tour from China connecting to Orlando. When did you last see Chinese tourists going to DisneyWorld, not one had a camera? Possible forged documents on ten and 11. (SHOUTING IN CHINESE) Sir? Sir? Passport? Thank you. Welcome, Mr... Navorski. Purpose of your visit? (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) Business or pleasure? Englise me... no good. Sir, I have an IBIS hit on six. Mr Navorski, please follow me. Alright, Mr Navorski, we would like you to wait right here, please. What exactly are you doing in the United States, Mr Navorski? (STRONG EUROPEAN ACCENT) Yellow taxi cab, please. Take me to Ra... mada Inn. 161 Lexington. You're staying at the Ramada Inn? Keep the change. Do you know anyone in New York? Yes. Who? Yes. Who? Yes. No, do you know anyone in New York? Yes. Yes. Who? Yes. 161. Lex- OK, Mr Navorski, I'm gonna need to see your return ticket, please. No, your return ticket. Your... Oh, yes. Ah. (SCREAMING) Now this is just a standard procedure. I'm gonna need the passport also. Oh. No, no, no. Thank you. No, Mr Navorski. That. Passport. That. Mr Navorski, sorry to keep you waiting. How are you? Frank Dixon. I'm the director of Customs and Border Protection here at JFK. Which means that I help people with their immigration problems. Now, we're looking for an interpreter. Do we have one? OK. But I understand that you speak a little English. Yes. You do? Yes. OK. Yes. Good. I hope you don't mind if I eat while we talk. I have bad news. Your country has suspended all travelling privileges on passports issued by your government. And our State Department has revoked the visa that allowed you to into the United States. That's it in a nutshell, basically. It seems while you were in the air, there was a military coup in your country. Now, most of the dead were the presidential guard, attacked in the middle of the night. There were few civilian casualties. I'm sure your family's fine. Mr Navorski, your country was annexed from the inside. Republic of Krakozhia is under new leadership. Krakozhia! Krakozhia. Krakozhia. Right. I don't think, uh,... I don't think he gets it. OK. Uh, let me... let me... OK. Look, imagine that these potato chips are Krakozhia, OK? Uh, Kra... kozhia. Krakozhia. Yes. Krakozhia. OK. So the potato chips are Krakozhia, OK? OK. And this apple - Big Apple. Big Apple. ..Big Apple represents the Liberty rebels, OK? No more Krakozhia. OK? New government. Revolution! You understand? All the flights in and out of your country are suspended indefinitely. The new government has sealed all the borders so your passport is not valid. So currently, you are a citizen of nowhere. Even if we could get you new papers, we couldn't process them until US recognises your country's new diplomatic reclassification. You don't qualify for asylum, refugee status, temporary protective status, humanitarian parole, non-immigration work, travel or diplomatic visas. You are, at this time, simply... ..unacceptable. Unacceptable. Unacceptable. Unacceptable. Big Apple tour include Brooklyn Bridge, Empire State, Broadway show, "Cats". Well, I got more bad news for you, Mr Navorski. "Cats" has closed. OK. Now I go... New York City. Thank you. No, Mr Navorski, look, I cannot allow you to enter the United States. Krakozhia. We can't allow you to go home. You don't really have a home. Technically it doesn't exist. It's like a... Twilight Zone. Ever see that show? Yes. Did you get that show? Yes. Nightmare at 30,000 feet, Zanti Misfits. Zanti Misfits is Outer Limits, sir. Is it? It's not important. Anyway - Where do I buy the Nike shoes? OK, Mr Navorski, come here. Walk with me. Here's my dilemma, you have no legal right to enter the United States and I have no legal right to detain you. You have fallen through a small crack in the system. Crack? Yes, until we get this sorted out, I have no choice but to allow you to enter the international transit lounge. I'll sign a release form that will make you a free man. Free? Free. Free. Free to go anywhere you like within the confines of the international transit lounge. OK? OK. OK. OK. OK. OK. I'm sure that Uncle Sam will have this all sorted out by tomorrow and welcome to the United States. Almost. (LAUGHS) Thank you. OK, thanks. OK. Now, Mr Navorski, Mr Navorski. Mr Navorski! This is the international transit lounge. You're free to wait here. These are food vouchers. You can use them up in the food court. Your Krakozhian money is no good here. This is a 15-minute pre-paid calling card. You may call home if you like. This, in case we need to contact you, is a pager. You must keep this with you at all times. Here is an ID badge for you to get into CBP. Beyond those doors... Uh, Mr Navorski, Mr Navorski, I need you to look at them. Beyond those doors is American soil. Mr Dixon wants to make it very clear to you that you are not to enter through those doors. You are not to leave this building. America is closed. America closed. America closed. What... What I do? There's only one thing you can do here, Mr Navorski. Shop. # (FANFARE OF PATRIOTIC MUSIC) (TV) "..international communities try to make inroads to a peaceful resolution. Meanwhile a troubled populous has to wonder if they will ever find political stability..." Krakozhia. Oh. Krakozhia. Oh. "And next this hour,..." Hey. Hey. "..have been taken hostage. We're also hearing now that the Vice President was killed along with four cabinet members." (SHOUTS) "By dawn, rebel leaders had surrounded state houses." "In a symbolic gesture, the national flag of Krakozhia was torn down." Listen. Please. Listen. Televiso! Krakozhia. Krakozhia! Televiso. Televiso. Please, televiso. "This from our overseas bureau. Last night a military coup overthrew the government of Krakozhia." "Bombing and gunfire were heard through the night." "We are told the president and his top aides have been taken hostage." Bonjour, monsieur. You are a Red Carpet Club member? There has been - I need to see your boarding pass and club card, sir? I'm sorry, this is a private lounge. (SHOUTS) The public lounge is downstairs. (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) Please - Watch it! Please. Please. Telephone. Telephone. Telephone? Please. Please. Please, please. (TANNOY) "Welcome to JFK International airport." "For security reasons, please keep your luggage with you at all times." "Unattended luggage will be removed for inspection and may be destroyed." (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) (CRACKING / RIPPING) Oh, my God. Oh, my God! You broke my bag! I got this in Paris! It's my favourite bag! I can't believe you just broke my bag! Mom! Dad! He broke my bag. Food. Food. Excuse me. Please. Stop it, stop it. Do you have an appointment? Uh. Sorry, I don't let anyone to look at my trash without an appointment. Uh... I have an opening next Tuesday. Tuesday! Monday, Tuesday, Wed-nez-day. Tuesday? Tuesday is a good time for you to come back and get lost, OK? Goodbye. Sorry. Tuesday. Gaaagh. (SIGHS) (ENGINE ROARS) Don't shoot! She sleeps 12, Frank. Yeah. Has 120-volt generator, wet bar, gas range. She looks amazing. She's my dream. My gold at the end of the rainbow. She's a beautiful boat and I hope you get her soon. You've earned her. Thank you, Frank. You have. Actually, I bought her yesterday. Oh, come on. Congratulations. Frank, I'm nominating you to take my place. Starting today, you will assume the duties of Acting Field Commissioner, until you get approval from Washington. Really? Uh-huh. I don't know what to say. Jesus. Richard, is this real? Oh, it's real, Frank, it's real. Don't you stand there pretending to be surprised. Oh. You've been waiting for me to retire or drop dead for years. No, I haven't been waiting for you to retire. (BOTH LAUGH) It's alright, Frank. My retirement will become official the day you get sworn in. You've waited a long time for this, Frank. I have. Just be careful about the inspection process. Yeah? I will. I've been here for 17 years so... Frank, we're talking about the Field Commissioner position. People are gonna look to you for leadership. To set an example. What are you saying? I'm saying the job is yours to lose. Get the Colombians asylum hearings. Run backgrounds on the Chinese before deporting and call the parents of the Long Island kids. Tell them it was a bad idea to let them go to Jamaica. Yes, sir. Come on, everybody. We've got South America and Madrid on the tarmac. I want them out of here in half an hour. Mr Thurman, there is a man walking around the terminal in a bathrobe. I know, sir. You put him there. Have a nice stay. Next! I need... visa. Where's your green form? I can't do anything without your green entry form. Go to the wall. Next! Sir,... ..the light-green form. # I love # New York # I love # New York # I # Love New York # I love New York... # Light green. You cannot get into New York without a visa. You cannot get a visa without a passport and you cannot get a new passport without a country. There's nothing we can do. But I give you light green. I'm sorry but you've wasted an entire day. At this time, you are simply... Unacceptable. Yes. Unacceptable. Why is he still here? You released him, sir. You put him there. Why the hell doesn't he walk out the doors? Why doesn't he try to escape? Sir, you told him to wait. But I didn't think he'd actually do it. I mean, he's... he's in a crack. Who the hell waits in a crack? No news from the State Department but we can deport him in a few days. It could be a few days, a week, two weeks, a month. Who knows what this guy is thinking, what Gulag he escaped from. Everything he does comes back to me. Shall I bring him back to holding, sir? No, I'll show him the door. Hello. Hello. Do you have an appointment? Yes, yes. Yes, 9:30. Food document in trash. Tuesday! Tuesday, I hate Tuesday. Excuse me. (MUTTERS IN RUSSIAN) Airports are tricky places, Mr Navorski. I'm about to tell you something, something that you can never repeat to anyone. Do you understand? It's a secret. Secret. Yes, a secret. At 12 o'clock today, the guards at those doors are going to leave their posts. And the replacements are going to be five minutes late. Late. Late, five min... Yes, late five minutes. At 12 o'clock, just today, just this once. No-one is going to be watching those doors and no-one is going to be watching you. So America not closed? No, America, for five minutes, is open. Have a nice life, Mr Navorski. Oh. Catch and release. Sometimes you land a small fish, you unhook him carefully and you set him free so somebody else can have the pleasure of catching him. Alright. Alright, here we go. OK, call them up. Jenson, clear the doors. Right, go, go, go. Get out. Alright, there's the door. Alright, here we go. Here we go. Now, where is he? There he is. That's not him. Are you sure? Yeah. There he is. OK. Alright, Viktor, here we go. Wh-Wh-What's so complicated? Exit, Viktor. Couple of minutes, you'll be someone else's problem. He wants to make sure no-one is watching. I told him nobody would be watching. Come on. Alright, here we go. This is it. Call the airport police. Port Authority's on its way. Excuse me. (BUZZING) (BUZZING) You got it. There we go. Ah! He's gotta get a running start, I guess. Come on, Viktor, just leave. Just leave. Leave. Leave. What are you doing? What's he doing? Why is he kneeling? Is he praying? He's tying... Do they pray at noon? (BUZZING) Come on, leave. Get the cameras. Where is he? Where is he? Left, to the left. No, he was just at the door. Just go a little left. Alright, alright. I'll wait. What are you looking at? Go back to work. Thank you. (SIGHS) Bula! (CHUCKLES) Bula! Bula! Bula! Bula! (SIGHS) ALL: Bula! Ah. (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAM) It's impossible to sum up how Fiji makes you feel. Bula! But one word comes close. and now with our new Garlic Bread Crust, it's even tastier. Oozing with garlic and herb butter, it's delicious to the last bite. Add it for just $3.99 extra Aaaargh! Oh, God. Oh, shit. What? Oh, God. This belongs to you? Oh, thank you. Please, please. Oh, shit. See. The... wet floor and that you, right there. I'm so late. Buenos Aires, I just can't remember the gate. Gate... 24. You sure? Yes. Thanks. Wait. Wait, wait. For you. Payless Shoes. Second floor. Sensible heels. Hi, baby. Come here, you. 'I think he CIA.' 'The CIA put him here to spy on us.' You don't know what you're talking about. He doesn't speak English. If he could not speak, this guy, if he can't speak English, how could he have a meeting with a beautiful woman? A flight attendant. She's CIA too? No, she look like a Russian. KGB. She gave him heel off her shoes and he gave her a piece of the paper. What was it, microfilm? A coupon from Payless Shoes. It must be some kind of code. Buddy, I think you've been spending too much time inhaling them cleaning products. I'm warning you guys, you watch yourself. This guy is here for a reason and I think the reason is us. Excuse me, buddy. What's going on? It's Navorski. He's figured out the quarters. Good afternoon, welcome to Burger King. May I take your order? Keep the change. Excuse me. Come on, boys, here. Here. OK, OK. OK, go. Go. Go. Go, go, go. Good, good, good. Thank you, thank you. Thank you, thank you, bye-bye. Welcome to Burger King, may I take your or... # (FANFARE OF PATRIOTIC MUSIC) Crisis... Crisis? Krakozhia. Krakozhia. "Now that heavy fighting has subsided, both sides have dug in deep for the long winter ahead." Krakozhia. U... N. "Meanwhile the people suffer the consequences." Water and food... Food. Food. Peace in Krakozhia! (SHOUTS) (MUTTERS IN RUSSIAN) New York. "The story... of Broadway is the..." "The cast of... comedy hit 'Friends', which is set in New York." Friends. Friends. "Due to heavy snowfall, all flights have been cancelled." (ALL GROAN) ...Newtown is 61 today. It's a miracle... miracable... conjoined twins separated today. Chances of survival - fifty-fifty. Fifty-fifty. Next. Let me ask you something, Mr Navorski, why do you wait every day when I've told you there is nothing I can do? Your visa will not arrive until your country is recognised by the United States. You have two stamp. One red, one green. So? So I have a chance to go to New York, fifty-fifty. (LAUGHS) Yes. A beautiful way to look at it but America doesn't work that way. As Acting Field Commissioner, I've created a new position here at JFK. Transportation liaison for passenger assistance. Uh, sir, what would that person do? Agh! Thank you, I'll take it from here. I'm transportation liaison, in charge of passenger assistance. No carts, no quarters. No quarters, no food. A few days before he barrels through those doors in violation of section 214. Then he's somebody else's problem. Why don't we tag him in violation of section 214 and then ship him off? He has to break the law by leaving. I won't lie to get rid of somebody like Navorski. Sorry, buddy. Honey. Put it down. Put it down. Put it down. You try to take my mop, you try to take my floor. It's my job. Stay off my floor. Stay away from my mop. If you touch it again, I kill you. Hey. I'm Enrique Cruz. We need to talk. I want to make a deal with you. What... What deal? I need information on CBP Officer Torres. You feed me information about her and I'll feed you. What do you want to know? You see her every day. Yes. I wanna know what... what makes her knees weak. What makes her... blood boil, her body tingle. She's a wild stallion, you'll help me break her. I'm... I'm her man of mystery. Officer Torres is wild stallion. Her name is Delores. Yes. So, you help me to win her heart and... you'll never go hungry again. I do this. Really? Yes. Promise? Yes. OK, thank you. What mean wild stallion? Officer Torres, - Yes. ..my friend say you are sta - Mr Navorski. ..stallion. A what? Stallion, like a horse. Stand behind the yellow line. It's beautiful horse. Who said that? You like food? My friend drive food. Mr Navorski, behind the yellow line. I will help you once you wait your turn. I'll get... light green. Light green form, please. I'll be back. OK. She say... one thing,... ..very important. What? What did she tell you? You don't like it? Something wrong with the salad. It need... gorchitsa. What? Moo.. stard. Mustard? Yeah! Please. Yeah. Please. Thank you. Officer Torres, you like the films? Movies? Not so much. The Rockets? Can't afford it. What do you like? Conventions. Conventions? What is? Conventions. Conventions. This is, like, secret place you go? So she go to these conventions dressed as Yeoman... Rand. Yeoman Rand. She's a Trekkie. Yes, favourite episode is Doomsday Ma...chine. Oh! Now, listen, Viktor, you can ask her something that is very important. Hmmm, OK. I wait. Enjoy your visit. Next. Officer Torres. Mr Navorski. You... You have choose. Man with money or man with... love? What is choose? So she had a boyfriend? Hmmm. For how long? Two years? What happened? Eat shit. What? Eat shit. Eat shit? Echit, echit, echit. Try to repeat exactly what she said. Echit, she catch him. Oh, he cheats! Yes, yes, yes. What we call crascoch, we say crascoch. One man, two womans. Uh-huh. So. Crowded, you know? OK. He cheats. Hmmm. We say cheats not shit. Cheat. Enrique, you no shit. No cheat. No shit. Yeah, yeah, I won't, I won't, I won't cheat. Not shit. She's a nice girl. She won't take your shitting. Next. Officer Torres, have you been ever in the love? Enough, Viktor. Who is it? Who is telling you to ask me these things? Oh, it's a man of misery. M-Misery? Mystery? No, no, misery. Man of misery. Oh, he so sick, he so in love. But what did she say? She did say,... "Next! Next!" Now she say, "Please, come." (BEEPING) Wait. Ow! Ow! What? Ow! Oh. Oh! Oh! I coming. No, wait, Viktor. Viktor, just tell me more. Hey, th... I coming! I coming! Please, please. Please. Viktor. Beeping. Yes, we beeped you. So I come. We have an idea. OK, would you like something to eat? You look like you're starving. Oh, no. No food. I stuffed. OK, alright. Thanks. Thank you. So, Mr Navorski, I have some very, very good news for you. What? I think that I've figured out a way to get you out of this airport. Oh. Well, we have laws here that protect aliens who have a credible fear of returning to their own country. If we can establish this fear with you, then the CBP will be forced to begin expedited removal procedures, bring you to an immigration judge and let you plead your case for asylum. Asylum? Hmm, asylum. Unfortunately, the courts are so backed up with asylum cases that the soonest you'd get before a judge would be six months from now. Yes, and we would have no choice but to let you go for those six months. It's the law. You'd be released. You would be free to wait in New York until your court date. But, believe it or not, most people, they never show up before the judge. So I go New York City? Uh-huh. You can go to New York City tonight. But you only get to go if we can establish a credible fear. Fear? Hmm-mmm. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. From what? Well, that's the best part. It doesn't matter what you're afraid of. It's all the same to Uncle Sam. I'm going to ask you one question, Viktor. If you give me the correct answer, I can get you out of here tonight. So, I answer one question,... Hmm. ..go to New York City,... Uh-huh. ..tonight. Tonight. Tonight. Tonight. Tonight. Hmmm. (LAUGHS) OK! OK, alright. Do you, at this time, have any fear of returning to your own country? No. OK. Let me try it again. Your country's at war, Viktor. Yes, yes, war. There are men in the streets with guns. Political persecution! Yes, yes, it's terrible. Horrible. God only knows what could happen, right? Innocent people are torn from their beds and thrown into jail. On Tuesdays. So you're afraid? From what? Krakozhia. You're afraid of Krakozhia. Krakozhia? Hmmm-mmm. No, no, I'm not afraid from Krakozhia. I'm a little afraid of this room. (LAUGHS) OK. I'm talking about bombs, I'm talking about human dignity, Viktor, don't be afraid to tell me that you're afraid of Krakozhia. Is home. I am not afraid from my home. So? I go to New York City now? No. No? OK. OK, I'm a... I'm a... No. I'm afraid from ghosts. Thanks very much. I'm afraid from... Thanks a lot. Thanks, Viktor. I'm afraid from wolf men. Uh, afraid from sharks. Thanks, thanks a lot. Visit King Living today. (LAUGHS) Why you do this? Nobody read the sign in America. This is the only fun I have. A barbecue? That's why I'm not going to see you? Let me get this straight. I change my schedule to meet you, I take four back-to-back flights, fly 27 hours straight, literally, around the world and now you're telling me you're gonna spend the 4th of July with your wife?! The woman hates fireworks! Don't lie to me, OK? I know for a fact you took her to Rome last weekend. Because you flew United, Max. Also... You making a habit out of listening to other people's conversations? No, I try to call home. So... then... You know why men are such assholes? No. Because they're all liars. Wait. Wait! Wait, wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait! Wet floor. Wet. Please. Don't be hurt. How can I not be? He's married. One man, two womans, crowded. Wanna know what the worst part is? I never asked him to leave his wife. I encouraged him to get counselling. I mean, what kind of sick person am I? I'm rooting for the home team. I just wish the sex wasn't so amazing. Oh. (LAUGHS) OK. Very amazing. Alright then. Bye-bye. You know, sometimes in the mornings... ..I just stare at him over room service. Watch him do the crossword puzzle. I start to think that maybe... ..maybe this could happen. That we belong together. Uh,... this... man... ..has you,... why he need... asshole? This is my problem. I always see men the way I wanna see them. Do I know you from some place? Sensible heels, Payless Shoes, second floor. (LAUGHS) Oh. You headed for home? Uh, no, no, I am... I am delayed, uh, long time. I hate it when they delay flights. What do you do? Oh, I... go... from one building to another building. I have... beeper. Oh, contractors. You guys travel as much as we do. Sorry about that. Thank you very much. What's BH? In English, Viktor Navorski. In English, Amelia Warren. Amelia Warren. Yeah. Nice to meet you. You too. Nice to see you again. OK. Do you like Italian food? I know, it's late and you've probably got other plans but if you'd like to grab some dinner, we can run and catch a cab. I know a place that has the greatest cannelloni. Uh, no, I-I-I... I can't. You married? No, no. Girlfriend? No. I... I can't go out... with you. God. I am so... I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I must come off like a complete nut job or something. No. I didn't wanna eat alone. Ever done that? Wet floor! Wet, wet floor. No, I... No, you don't have to explain. It's fine. No, please, I... Nadia, in New York restaurant, what cost is cantaloni? I don't know. Maybe $15? Dollars? 20. Two people, 40. Oh. Two people, 40? Two people, $40. I... I help you. I'm so sorry, sir, the position has already been filled. Do you live nearby? Yes, yes. Gate 67. Because we are very particular about punctual... Did you say gate 67? Gate 67. (LAUGHS) (ALL LAUGH) You gotta be kidding. You gotta help me help you. I don't see a social security number. Mailing address? A phone number? Telephone? You need? Yeah. I get, I get. I get phone. I get... I get phone. 051 1226. Alright, and when's the best time to reach you? Now. (PHONE RINGS) Hello? "Hi, Mr Navorski?" Yes, this is Mr Navorski. Who calls? "It's Cliff, the manager of the Discovery Store." Oh! "How's it going?" Good. Is this a good time? I wait for your call the whole day. Yeah, unfortunately I gotta tell you that the position's been filled. Oh? Yeah, could you go sit some place else? Yeah, I go to the bathroom now. Good. Thank you. Alright. Thank you. OK. (SCREAMING) Oh! (LAUGHS) Who is this? Who are you? There's no-one here for another two weeks. He isn't one of my guys. Look at this cornicing. This is good work. Must be Harry's crew. You with Harry's crew? Does Harry think he's running this job? I go. Go? Go where? Gate 67. 67? We're ten months away from 67. He's gotta be Harry's, if he's not mine and he's not yours. Trying to make me look bad. I gotta slow that prick down. What's your name? Viktor Navorski. Bobby, pull him off Harry's crew, put him on mine. You start 6:30 Monday morning. You... You give me job? 6:30? Yes, boss. We have lobster ravioli from Al Italia. Good. We have caviar from Russian Aeroflot. OK, OK, bring it. Hey, Viktor! Hello. Look, the man without a country. Come on in, welcome. I see this. You did well. Have a seat. Here? Here. Sit down. Hey, who invited him? I did. We needed a fourth, right? I'm not going to play with him. Oh, Gupta, relax, would you? He ain't a spy. How do you know? He could be recording everything we say. A wire in his shirt. A microphone up in his ass. I'm not going to lose my job. Fine. Will you feel better if we X-rayed him? Yes. Close your eyes. OK, so you are clean. Good, let's play cards. I will... have money. Friday. Don't worry, we don't play for cash, we play for unclaimed items from the lost and found. You'll be amazed at what people leave at airports. Come. I have two nines and two nines. Oh! Four nines. Thank you. Wow. Careful, careful. Wait, wait. Hey, we have a question for you, Viktor. Yeah, we're just curious. What is in the can? Oh, this? We saw the X-ray. We know there's no nuts in there. No, nuts in there. This is jazz. Jazz? Jazz, yes. Jazz? Yes. (LAUGHS) You sure it's jazz in there, Viktor? Check again, it might be the blues. Maybe some salsa. Maybe Stevie Wonder. No, it's jazz. OK, guys, OK, for tonight's grand prize, we have... Show them, Gupta. Oh. I found this upstairs. Virgin Air, first class lounge. There you go. And they belong to? Cher. Cher? As in Cher? Yeah. Cher, I checked it out. There were witnesses. Those are Cher's panties. Ready? Hurry up. So, we... share the panties? No, no, no. Not if I win. Come on. Wait a second. (MUMBLES) Viktor? Hi. Oh. How... Oh! Please, please, please. How are you? Good, good. I am so sorry about what happened last time, asking you out. I'm so used to guys grabbing my ass at 30,000 feet that when I meet someone who keeps his hands in his pockets, I don't know how to react. Oh. Let's just start over, huh? Yes, OK. Are you coming or going? I don't know. Both. Tell me about it. Napoleon? Yeah. Yeah, I read a lot of history books. They're long and cheap and usually about men killing each other. 1,200 pages for 9.99, you can't beat that. No, but Napoleon? Yeah, he's one of my favourites. Do you know what saved Napoleon's life? No. His ego. Ego? Yeah. After he loses the battle of Waterloo, Napoleon isolates himself on the tiny island of Saint Helena. Now, no-one knows exactly what happens next but the version I like goes like this... He's very depressed and he decides to take his own life. But Napoleon believes himself to be of such super-human strength that he takes six times the amount of poison needed to do the job. I mean, his stomach is so full up with poison that his body rejects it and he doesn't die. See? Ego saved his life. Maybe he need glasses. Glasses? So to read words on bottle. Poison. You know, it's funny you should say that. Rumour has it that Napoleon was far-sighted. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. Viktor, I think we're rewriting history right here. Why don't we talk about it over lunch? I can't believe it. I just asked you out again. I just did it again. (LAUGHS) Just stay away from me, Viktor, OK? I'm sick. I don't have the ability to be alone for five seconds. OK. OK what? OK. Lunch, with you. You'll have lunch with me? Yes! You're not running for a flight or... I wait. (BEEPING) (BOTH) Oh. Oh. It's me. You, yes. I'm sorry. I just got paged. You work? No. Ah. Trio. Crowded. Stay away from me, Viktor. I'm... I have a serious problem. I'm as bad as Napoleon. I just keep ingesting these poisonous men until I make myself sick. You're not sick, Amelia, no. No? No, you little... far-sighted. I have to go. I have to stay. Story of my life. Oh, me too. and now with our new Garlic Bread Crust, it's even tastier. Oozing with garlic and herb butter, it's delicious to the last bite. Add it for just $3.99 extra with SKY Sport VOICEOVER: Get free SKY Sport for a year with Vodafone TV and catch all the big hits... (TYRES SQUEAL) ..misses... (WHISTLE) ..meltdowns, slam dunks... (CHEERING) (YELLS) ..howzats and bunker action live. Simply sign up to Vodafone TV Starter with SKY Sport on an eligible home broadband plan and dive into a feeding frenzy of free sport for a whole year. Only with Vodafone TV, bringing you more of the content you love. Visit vodafone.co.nz to sign up. (UPBEAT MUSIC) SONG: # Oh, oh, hey! (CHEERING AND LAUGHTER) (RATTLING) # Oh, oh, hey! # Oh, oh, hey! # (QUIRKY MUSIC) Your CBP inspection's in three days. The FBI and Homeland Security will tour the airport at 9am and spend two hours observing these offices before your interview. How much does Navorski make? Sir? How much does he make? How much are they paying him? I believe they are paying him cash under the table, sir. I know that. How much? $19 an hour. Unbelievable. Do you know that's more than I make? It's New York City construction. Do you know, one of my own men came up to me the other day, asked me if I wanted to join the big pool. Look at him. Place a bet on when Navorski was going to leave this airport. Have you heard about this? I have January 3rd. Bring him in. Jake, he has no nationality, OK? No country. So, automatically, he's a national security risk, according to my interpretation of section 212. All I'm asking is you put him in a federal detention centre and run a clearance. Well, what about a federal prison? Well, what about another airport? Hello? Hello? Goddamn it. Country's detaining so many people there's no goddamn room anywhere. You try the FBI? Yes, I tried the FBI! I've tried everybody. Nobody will take him. Want me to bring him back? No. From now on, Navorski lives here. The people who are coming here today will be observing me, inspecting me. Most of all, they will be looking at the way that this airport is run. So let's show them why this is the number-one airport in the United States. We process about... 600 planes a day, with a processing time of 37 minutes per plane, about 60 seconds per passenger. Have you brought into the country any food stuffs? We keep it as clean as possible. Import export. What do you import? That's a lot of walnuts. Um, yeah, yeah, my mother-in-law loves these things. Every time I go to Brazil, she makes me bring her a bag. Mother-in-law? Mind if I try one? How did you know those weren't for his mother-in-law? If he's married, where's his ring? If he's divorced, who talks to their mother-in-law? (ALL LAUGH) I'm sorry, I mean, but really? No offence to mother-in-laws. Sir? Yeah. Sir, we have a situation upstairs. It's gonna have to wait. It won't. When the 9:12 from Toronto landed, they found four prescriptions without an MPL. They tried to take the pills away and he went nuts. There he is. No, no, no. Sir, calm down. (ALL SHOUT) OK, OK, we're here to help you. Where's he from? Russia. The interpreter will be here in an hour. We've gotta find somebody to talk to this guy. I have an idea, sir. Viktor? Viktor? Hello. Oh. I need your help. His name is Milodragovich. He may not speak exactly your dialect but I need you translate and help me out of a jam. I help you why? Because I don't want anybody to get hurt, Viktor. This guy's very upset. Talk, calm him down. Do that, I'll let you back in the terminal. No red stamp. Green for New York. OK, yes. You say yes? Yes! Yes. OK, OK, OK. Mr Milodragovich, we have somebody here to talk to you. Somebody to talk to you. Go ahead. (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) So? OK, tell him in order to export medicines from this country, he needs to have the proper form. He needs to have a medicinal purchase licence. OK, you understand me, Viktor? (TRANSLATES) He... He say he bring the medicine for his father. (ALL) Whoa, whoa, whoa. This why he go to Canada. This why, medicine. OK, it doesn't matter. His plane landed in the United States, he needs the right forms. He did not know he needed document. No-one said to him he need document. I'm saying it to him. He needs the form signed by the hospital treating his father and a doctor in Canada. These medicines have to stay in the United States now that they're here. He... He... He's begging you. I know, I can see that he's begging. I can see that. I'm sorry, sir. You'll have to take a flight in the morning. The medicine stays here. I'm sorry. Set him down! Alright, alright. Thank you, Viktor, good job. Let's go. Calm down... Whoa, whoa. Oh, hey! Goat! What? Goat, goat. The medicine is for goat. Goat? Yes, yes. Medicine is for goat. (BLEAT) Goat. He said that? Yes. He say... we not under... I not understand for goat. Wait, what are you saying? You mis... You misunderstood him? That the medicine is not for his dying father? No. The... The... Krakozhian name for father... sound like goat. I make... mistake. (LAUGHS) (SOBS) Why are you doing this, Viktor? Medicine is for... goat. No, it's not. Yes. No, it's not. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. You read the blue immigration form. Blue? Yeah. Blue? That says if it's an animal, he doesn't need a medicinal purchase - No. You know it. Then he can bring the drugs in. Very good. Why are you doing this? Huh? You don't know him. You don't know the rules. Look at me. I was gonna help you. Now, I want you to ask him - He say - No! Not you. I want you to ask him. I wanna hear him say it. I wanna hear him say who the medicine is for. Please, who the medicine is for. Answer him, Mr Milodragovich. Who are the pills for? OK, the pills stay, he goes. That's it. Come on now. Let's go. Easy. Take it easy now, come on. Goat. It is for goat. It is for goat. Medicine for goat. Medicine for goat. Give him the pills. Medicine for goat. Medicine, medicine. No, no. (BOTH SPEAK RUSSIAN) Come on, now. He loved that goat. Do you think this is a game, huh? Do you think I need an excuse to put you back in that cell? Go to war with me and you go to war with the United States of America. You'll know why people of Krakozhia wait for cheap toilet paper while Uncle Sam wipes his ass with Charmin two-ply. 'There was twenty men.' 'Immigration gun was drawn.' The Dixon was ready to fire, to kill the little man with the pills. But then someone walks into the room and stand in front of this man. "Put the guns away." The man said, "Nobody will die today." Who? Who was it that saved him? (ALL) Yeah, tell us who it was. Navorski, Viktor. The goat! Navorski! Doesn't look good, Frank. I was just following the rules. Sometimes you have to ignore the rules, ignore the numbers, concentrate on the people. People, yeah, I know. Compassion, Frank. That's the foundation of this country. You could learn something from Navorski. Cheer up, it's not over yet. Is that for me? Yes, yes. He is a... sail fish. For you. For you. For wall. This is for wall. Why do you wanna go to New York, Viktor? And what's in the can of peanuts? A promise. A promise? Yes. In a can? Yes, promise. Let me make you a promise, Viktor. And this is a promise that comes from a man who is stuck here, a man who may be stuck here for the next ten years. From now on, you and I are partners. If I stay, you stay. You will not set one foot in New York City. Not a single toe in the United States of America. Do you understand what I am saying to you? Yeah. You don't like fish. Ever feel like you're just living in an airport? You know, we don't have to do this, Viktor. I can ship you out. I can mail you anywhere in the United States. What about my food cart. He can hide inside and we'll drive out. No. I can't do this. I thought you said you wanted us to help you. I do. What's the name? Amelia Warren. I thought we were looking for a way out. Here. You be careful. Those flight attendants ain't like regular women. Flying between those time zones messes with their biological clock or something. Always ready for sex. I found something. Shhh. I am leaving. They will come for us. Gupta, relax. Just got out and watch the door. You go in jail, not me. You know what, forget it. Just keep looking. Warren? Yes. Amelia Jane Warren? Jane? Yeah. Oh, way to go, Viktor, first class. When she come back? Uh, three weeks. Oh. Amelia, would you like to get eat to bite? Bite to eat? Cantaloni? Bite to eat? Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Eat to bite? Eat to bite. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat, bite to eat. Bite to eat, bite to eat, bite to eat, bite to eat, bite to eat. Bite to eat, bite to eat, bite to eat, bite to eat, bite to eat. Gupta, you been ever married? What did you say? You been ever married? I had a wife and two kids in India. I left them there 23 years ago. Why? I had a small tobacco shop in Madras. Made just enough money to survive. One day, this policeman comes in and tells me I owe him some tax. I said, "OK. This is karma." So I pay him. But the next day, the same policeman come. And kept coming and kept coming and I'm paying and I'm paying and paying him and paying him and finally, on the fifth day, I take a knife and I stab him in his chest. You killed policeman? No, I just missed his heart. When they tried to arrest me, I just run away. So you never go home? Oh, if I go home, I go into jail for seven years. What if United States catch you? They deport you. As long as I keep my floor clean, keep my head down, they have no reason to deport me, they have no reason to notice a man like me. (TANNOY) "United Airlines flight 2793 from Rome, Italy, is now arriving at gate C43." Hey. Sorry. It's wet, wet. Hey! Will you watch where you're going? Watch out! Oh! Oh. Amelia. Viktor. Sorry. I'm sorry. He nearly killed me. Are you OK? I'm fine, I'm fine. Lovely suit. Oh, oh, Hugo Boss.. On sale, 149.99. That's a bargain. Napoleon? Yes, yes, and Josephine. You know what Napoleon gave Josephine on their wedding day? Amelia,... would you like... to have... eat to bite? Food, today? You're asking me out for dinner? Yes. Yeah, sure. What time? Dinner time. Where do you wanna go? Uh, I know place. Do you have an appointment? Navorski. This way, please. Thank you. I didn't know they had a patio up here. Very nice. Good night. Please, please, please. Please, please. Sure. Tonight we have cannellonis or chicken. Cannelloni, please. Cannelloni. Sorry. Thank you. For you, sir? Uh, same. That's a great, great choice. Let me see. Enjoy. Did you know the croissant was invented in Romania? Really? OK... It's 1742 and the Turks invade Bucharest, making a surprise attack under the cover of night. But, the town bakers... (BEEPING) Sorry. So, the bakers? Oh. Oh, never mind. It's a dumb story. No, please. I'm sorry, Viktor. Nobody really cares where the croissant was invented. I bet the Romanians themselves don't really give a shit. I care. Is histories, is truth. I'm 39 years old. No. Yeah. No. That's the truth. You are not. Hmm. I tell everybody I'm 33 and most men I've dated think I'm 27. Oh. No, I'm 39. So, I was 39 once. I was 18 years old when I started working for the airlines. I've been doing this over 20 years. And now there's no more pretending. This is it. It's why my address book is alphabetical by city and my pager will always go off during dinner. (BEEPING) You can switch... off pager. I wish I could. I've been waiting for a phone call for seven years. I know it's coming, Viktor, that's why I can't break it off. It's why I live out of hotels and have my little suitcase packed, ready to go, just in case he wants to meet me for the weekend. Yeah, I've been waiting my whole life. Just don't know what the hell for. (PAGER VIBRATES) I'm so sorry. I live here. What? I live here, in terminal. Gate 67. You live at the airport? Yes, day and night. Is home, like you. They tell me to wait, so I wait. All frequent fliers feel the same way you do, Viktor. Everybody's waiting. No. Everybody. For a flight, a meeting. No, I don't wait for flight or meeting. What are you waiting for? (BEEPING) Is OK. I understand. I have an idea. Come here. What? What you do? (GASPS) Are you sure? (BEEPING) More than anything, I'm sure of this, Viktor. Ready? (BOTH LAUGH) Twinings has something that's about to change the way we drink water. Watch this. (LIGHT ELECTRONIC MUSIC) New Twinings Infuse - because now you can upgrade to an extra large and get 50% more pizza for just $3 more! Try it on our Cheaper Everyday $5 Value Range and make your money go further So... when do you... come back? 13 days. How about you? I will be here. But... what if your schedule changes? Maybe we should exchange phone numbers. No. I will be here. You know what Napoleon give to Josephine when he went Bavaria? Tell me. Come on, tell me. I will show you. 13 days from now. What's he doing? I can't ask. I'm supposed to tell him what to do. If I ask, I'll look like an idiot. Look. (SPEAKS SPANISH) I'm sorry. Sorry. Please, you've gotta do this for me. I promise you're gonna get really fat with all the food I'm gonna give you. It will be the last thing I ask you to do. He waits for you to answer, at Sbarro. I have to work. He will wait. (CHEERING) (LAUGHS) How was your flight? Good. Thanks. Something wrong? You're gonna have to come with us, ma'am. You gotta be kidding. I come through twice a month. Please follow me. (SIGHS) I'm supposed to be meeting somebody. 'In my line of work there are three things that matter.' The person, the document and the story. Find the truth of one and you find the truth of all three. I need your help finding the truth. Do you know a man named Viktor Navorski? Yes. Do you know why he's here and where he's from? No, we're... we're just friends. Have you noticed that he... hides a can of Planters dry-roasted peanuts in his bag? So? What do you make of that? (LAUGHS) I'd make peanut butter, I guess. (LAUGHS) We know that he's planning to go to the Ramada Inn on Lexington. Has he told you why he's here? No. Has he told you where he lives? No, we just met at the airport. All I know is that he's a building contractor living out of a suitcase. That's it. He's a contractor? Yeah. That's what he says? Hmmm. Amelia, I'm just curious. You are the kind of woman who can get any guy she wants,... ..why Viktor Navorski? That's something a guy like you... could never understand. I guess you missed your flight again. Or maybe you have a really bad travel agent. Please, please, sit. It's OK, Viktor. All men lie. At least you're not very good at it. I did not lie. You told me you were delayed. You never said it was for nine months! Maybe you see the man the way you want to. So what am I seeing? Who are you? I... Unacceptable? Yes. You wanna hear the funny part? I broke up with him. I was coming here to tell you that he's out of my life. I'm free. I got tired of waiting. At least we had that in common. Amelia, you know what Napoleon gave to Josephine when he went Bavaria? No. I show you. Please. Please. Sit, please. That was the gift, Napoleon to Josephine. One thousand fountains. You built this for me? Yes. Sit. Sit, sit. Don't get wet. Come on. (MUTTERS) It don't work. It should shoot... big water... up to ceiling. Just tell me the truth. Did you escape from an institution? Huh? Are you a criminal? You're living here, Viktor. You're living at gate 67, I just wanna know why. I show you. My father. Please tell me your father isn't in that peanut can. This is jazz. My father, Demitri Navorski, see this photograph in Hungarian newspaper, 1958. He say he look at it there for seven days. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday... Who are they? Count Basie, Dizzy Gillespie, Thelonius Monk, Sonny Rollins, Art Blakey, Max Kaminsky. 57 of them altogether. After looking at photograph, for seven days, my father, his idea, he begin to write letters to clubs in New York, Lickety Split, Sugar Bowl. He asked the nuns to write English, hundreds of letters. And then he wait. He'd wait month, week, year. My father wait 40 year. And they all sign names. One by one. They all write their name and send to my father. All but not one. Benny Golson. Saxophone. My father died before Benny Golson write his name and send to my father. So I'm making promise, I keep promise. I... promise I will go to New York, find Benny Golson, get him write name to put in can. You've lived here all this time so you could do this for your father? Maybe I think he'd do it for me. You say, "You are... waiting for something." I say to you, "Yes, yes." We all wait. What are you waiting for? You. I wait for you. at Domino's. What? The war is over. (SINGING IN RUSSIAN) (SINGING / CHEERING) Alright, everybody, let's raise our glasses. Let's have a toast to my friend Viktor, the goat. (BAAS) (ALL BAA) May he never lose his country again. Krakozhia! Amelia! Amelia, you... you here early. Amelia, oh, peace, peace. Peace, the war. The war. Please, come, come, see. The war in Krakozhia's over. Peace! The war is over. You know my friend? Yes. He works in Washington. Yes. He has a lot of connections. Here. It's a pass, Viktor. A one-day travel emergency visa with your name on it. Visa? Yes! From your friend? Yes! Just go to New York, find that last name and put it in the can. I go New York? Yes! I go New York! (ALL CHEER) I go New York. Amelia, you come with. You come with me to New York. Your friend do this for me. Why he do this for me? He did it for me. I told you to stay away from me, Viktor. But you didn't understand, I think you were confused. No, I confused about everything. Not confused... not this, not this. I'm sorry. I'm running late. Amelia, why? Why you go? Why you go? You know what Napoleon gave Josephine as a wedding present? It was a gold locket and on the inside... he made an inscription. "Destiny." Destiny. "..rejoice in the streets as well as in their local taverns." Hey, baby. Hey. I missed you. Come on. Next. Viktor. Hello, Delores. Here I am today. What do you have here? What do you have here? Oh, no, it's not signed. What? It's a one-day emergency travel visa. To validate authenticity it must be signed by the supervising officer. Dixon? Yes. Dixon. The... The war in my country is... is over. Yeah, I know. Congratulations. It's strange, isn't it, Viktor? When you wait so long for one thing, one tiny moment. I had that moment today too. See this badge? This badge means that I was made CBP Field Commissioner. My authority over the security of this airport is absolute. Your ticket and your passport. It's time for you to go home. Officer Waylin, can you please show Mr Navorski into the terminal and make sure that he does not miss his flight. Goodbye, Viktor, and good luck. I think I want to go New York City. Don't make this difficult, Viktor. I'm no more unacceptable. I told you, this is over. I go. New York. Are you sure you wanna do that? I go New York City. Now. Part of my job as Field Commissioner is to get rid of undesirables. And there are quite a few. Like this guy, Joe Mulroy. I think you know him. Joe's been here for about 20 years but he's been running an after-hours poker game, bringing in liquor, marijuana. Poor guy's gonna lose his pension and I think he has kids too. Yeah. And then there's this guy, Enrique Cruz. I think you also know Enrique. Enrique, as it turns out, has let people into the food preparation area. Major security breach. Poor guy. I think he's a newlywed but I'm gonna have to let him go. And then there's Gupta Rajan. He's a janitor. But, as it turns out, he's wanted for assaulting a police officer back in India in 1979. I'll have to deport him. I will go home. I'm sorry, what did you say? I will go home. Leave them alone, I will go. Today? Yes. If you don't get on that plane, Viktor, they're all gone. Yes. Do you understand? Yes. OK. Good. I don't believe he just... Viktor, you don't have to do this. You can fight these guys. I owe you so much, please let me help you. This is your friend talking. We're your friends. We're your family now. Gupta, goodbye. You tried to fool us. You make us to think you would walk out those doors, that you'd fight. Why don't you fight? The war is over. Then go. Get lost. Get lost! Go home and tell them you never made it. You come this close to America but you don't have the courage to go from here to here. You are a coward. The plane is on time. You are a coward. You are a coward! You make me sick! Gupta, what's wrong with you, man? Settle down. Been looking all around, I mean... Look at me. Come on, look at me. (SIGHS) There's something you should know. (WHISTLES) (TANNOY) "Ladies and gentlemen, United Airlines flight 866 to Krakozhia has landed and is now taxiing to the gate." "For those passengers holding tickets for flight 866 to Krakozhia, we expect to depart on schedule." Gupta. Gupta! (SIRENS WAIL) I'm going home! Get lost! (TANNOY) "Attention. Flight 866 is delayed until further notice." Do you have an appointment? Will somebody tell me what the hell is going on down there?! We're right behind you. Viktor's leaving. Monica, Viktor's leaving. I know, he's going home. He's going for the front door, he's going out to the city. What? Oh, my... (ALL SHOUT / CHEER) No, I'm full. On behalf of Discovery Store, I wanna give you this squishy. Digital camera. I don't know where you're going but these will keep your feet warm. OK, everybody in position? We're here. Secure the door. I'm sorry, Viktor. Take him, Judge. Hold it, Viktor. Take it easy. You see those doors? Those are the entry doors to New York City, to the United States of America. Turn around. It's snowing in the city and... you're gonna need that. Good luck. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no. No, no. I'm gonna miss you. Try not to get stuck wherever you're going. Arrest him! Arrest him! God... ...damn it! Taxi! Where you go? 161 Lexington. Please take the Van Wyke Expressway to Queensborough Bridge, it's faster. Where are you from? Krakozhia, Viktor Navorski. I'm Goran, Albania. When did you come to New York? Oh! Thursday. Sir, do you want us to signal red, block the south exit and have AP sweep every vehicle? Sir? 5:30 from Tokyo just landed. Got two planes on the tarmac, Barcelona on approach. The night is young and 1,500 people are headed our way. Everybody inside. Everybody inside. Come on. Let's go. (HORNS BEEP) Are you checking in, sir? No, no, I don't check in, I... I want to go to this place, please? Lobby Lounge is around the corner. Happy-hour specials and live music every night. Do you like jazz? Uh, let's do Killer Joe. It worked alright last night so... Yes? You are Benny Golson? Yes, I am. Benny Golson, I am Viktor Navorski, I am from Krakozhia. My father, Demitri Navorski was a great, great fan of your music. Oh, a jazz fan? Fantastic. Would you... sign your name, please? (PIANO STARTS) Can I do it a little later? We have to get started now. Oh, I will wait. OK. OK. Taxi! Taxi! Where you wanna go? I am going home.