# Hallelujah # Gloriana # Hallelujah # Gloriana, hallelujah # Hallelujah! # (GENTLE MUSIC) VICTORIA: What fun we had doing these. Look at this one. How young you look, Albert. Well, that was before I was the father to...seven children. (OTHERS CHUCKLE) VICTORIA: That's you when you were a baby, Vicky. Who's that nursemaid holding me? Oh! That's me, silly! Vicky's right! You don't look like a queen at all. -Of course I don't. -(BABY WAILS) (SIGHS) Mama, look. Bertie's trying to put a marble up Affie's nose. -BERTIE: Affie, stay still! -(ALBERT SIGHS) Right. -Bertie... -Bertie. (BABY CRIES) Do you wish to hurt your brother? -It's an experiment, Papa. -Uh-uh... Bertie! Leave your brother alone at once! ALBERT: Sit over there, Bertie. Sit! Vicky! I want you to take your brothers and sisters back to the nursery. Your mama is not feeling very well. Is the new baby making her feel cross? I don't understand why she keeps getting them. I'm sure she'll feel better soon. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me! FEODORA: Lord Palmerston. Your Serene Highness. What an unexpected pleasure. Official business? There's to be a ball for the christening in the fashions of the last century. Will I be valuable enough to receive an invitation, I wonder? That remains to be seen. Invites are for valuable members of society. RUSSELL: The new coin would be worth a tenth of a pound. It is a step towards introducing a modern decimal system. ALBERT: Well, we all have 10 fingers, after all. Seems like the most logical system. Yes, but there's something so irritating about the decimal point. 12 is a number that likes to be divided. 10 isn't. Yes, but the decimal system works perfectly well on the Continent. Perhaps they're better at long division. A new coin deserves a new image. It is an opportunity to put something beautiful in the pocket of the people. I would like to have a hand in its design, if I may. Certainly, sir. And what do you think we should call the new coin? Totally unnecessary. (PLAYS ELEGANT PIECE) (WHISPERS) All I ask is that you look at me like you did in Ireland. (CONTINUES PLAYING) I may be wearing livery, but I am the same man. And nothing has changed. (SIGHS) Exactly. I'm still married. To a man who is not worthy of you. PENGE: Would you like me to arrange for an oil lamp by the piano, Your Grace, if there's not enough light? I'm worried that Joseph here might spill wax on you. (SOPHIE STOPS PLAYING) (CLOSES LID) (DRAMATIC MUSIC) VICTORIA: Arthur. Alice. Helena. Affie. Of course, you remember Bertie and Vicky. Please accept this book of etchings, Uncle Leopold, to keep us near your heart always. Ah! How like your dear father you are, my dear. VICTORIA: Bertie, make a bow to Uncle Leopold. -LEOPOLD: Oh! Ze mouse. -(CHILDREN CHATTER) The Prince of Wales, however, takes after the other side of the family. FEODORA: Yes, that is what I always say. Bertie is the Hanoverian. (CHUCKLES) Uncle. (CHUCKLES) Don't you recognise Feodora? Uh... Why, she practically lives next door to you. Feodora, of course. What an unexpected pleasure to see you here, Duchess. I know how busy you are at the Palace. The Queen has been... out of sorts since the birth. She likes to have me on hand and I can hardly refuse. Indeed. How pleasant for you, my dear, to have such powerful friends. Ah, of course, you're right at the centre of things. The Prime Minister and Lord Palmerston are always at the Palace, are they not? Yes, they do come and go rather. DUKE: Hmm. I've been giving some thought to your costume for the christening. You have? I think you should go as my grandmother, the 9th Duchess. She was painted by Gainsborough. I have a...a miniature. Here. Oh, she's lovely. 'London News'? Sir? 'London News', miss? (MEN CHATTER AND LAUGH) What are you all gossiping about? (BOTH PLAY ELEGANT PIANO MELODY) Gott im Himmel! -(BOTH STOP PLAYING) -What is it? Our private pictures! The printer must have sold the etching plates. They were private. (MUTTERS IN GERMAN) Oh, my poor sister. I hope you will not upset yourself too much. What's wrong with a mother giving a baby a bath? Even a woman with your political opinions, Miss Turner, must understand that what this country needs is a sovereign, not Mrs Bun, the baker's wife. * I must thank you for the invitation to the ball. Mrs Hudson is most grateful, Your Serene Highness. I am used to the rough and tumble, but she... Well, she feels the lack of society most keenly. I'll take my leave. I seem to have scared Mr Hudson off. You do know the man's a swindler? He even sold some empty railway shares to his valet. I'm surprised to see you riding with one another. I am surprised you're not at the Palace with the Prime Minister. Well, I did offer, but the Prime Minister thought he could manage better alone, and I'm sure he's right. But it would be very inconvenient if they discovered a common enemy, hm? RUSSELL: I'm not sure it is a criminal matter, ma'am. The printer has sold impressions of your etchings, but that in itself is not illegal. You asked him to make prints. The only recourse is to sue for damages. -Damages? -To your reputation, ma'am. Lord John, my dignity does not have a price. Quite so, which is why legal action would be inadvisable. There must be something we can do. -I understand your distress. -Distress, Lord John? It is more than distress. It is treason! I'm not sure that a judge would agree with you. They are, after all, family scenes. What do you suggest? Regrettably, there is nothing you can do except perhaps to choose your printer with more care. Are you suggesting this debacle is our fault? No, ma'am, it's just that... This audience is at an end, Prime Minister. BERTIE: Mousey? Mousey? You want to go in? -Do you like your new house? -Bertie? -Why are you not in lessons? -I was bored. Yes, well, sometimes in life, we have to do things we do not wish to do. Then I hope Mama dies soon so I can be king and I can do anything I want. That is a terrible thing to say, Bertie! Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh! (WHISPERS) Oh, come here. Off you go. Bertie is so like Drina at that age. Makes me wonder if his temper is congenital. Of course, I know nothing about these things, but... ..perhaps an expert might? LEOPOLD: How can your people believe in this when they can see you here looking like this? Monarchy needs to be shrouded in mystery, not paraded as a public spectacle. A man's imperfections are considered part of his character, whereas a woman's flaws are... ..evidence of her unsuitability. Your image here - would it not be more regal if you were wearing a crown? Well, yes. But on coins, the monarch is always bare-headed. But you are the exception, Victoria. In so many ways. (PLAYFUL MUSIC) What are you wearing to the ball, Sophie? -I'm sworn to secrecy, ma'am. -(LAUGHS) You can't have any secrets from me! I'm going as the 9th Duchess of Monmouth, after the Gainsborough portrait. It was, um, my husband's idea. VICTORIA: 9th Duchess? Wasn't there some story about her? I suppose it's nice that the Duke takes such an interest. I suppose so, ma'am. Well, at least I look like a queen in this. Oh! Those terrible pictures. Oh! You know, if you feel you can't face the world, Drina, I'm sure Albert and I could manage. Oh, I'm sure you would like nothing more than to announce to the world I'm unable to fulfil my duties. I'm only trying to support you, Drina. (CHUCKLES WRYLY) (WHIMPERS) (FOOTSTEPS RECEDE) Your Grace. I overheard he wants you to go to the ball dressed as the 9th Duchess. See, she was a Cavendish, so I knew all about her at Chatsworth. Her marriage was miserable and she took a lover. When the Duke found out, he divorced her and took her children away. Then she took her own life. I thought you should know, Sophie. I think your husband intends to humiliate you. (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) Oh! Oh, I didn't mean to disturb you, Your Majesty. When I first came to the throne... ..they used to call me... ..a little girl. And now... Now they'll call me a... What will they call me? A nursemaid? No queen has ever had a baby whilst on the throne. I've had seven. Seven. No. No, they... They are laughing at me. I can hear them. I don't know who 'they' are, ma'am, but what I see, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, is a mother who loves her children. And I am glad that woman is my queen. MAN: The skull is the landscape of character. ALBERT: Fascinating. It really is such a good suggestion of yours, Feodora. Bertie, come on up here so that Mr Coombe may examine you. Bertie, behave yourself, otherwise I shall send your mouse to the taxidermist. The what?! (MOANS SOFTLY) The prince's anterior lobe - the seat of the intellect - is sadly underdeveloped, while the lobes of combativeness, destructiveness, self-esteem are most prominent. Where do you think this... weakness might come from? Your grandfather, ma'am. Late King George, I believe, had the same feebleness of mind. Bertie may be wilful and slow with his lessons, but he is not mad. Do you think there is any hope of improvement? Oh, the cranium never lies, sir. No, no. Albert's temper is all part of his character. Hmph! Bertie, apologise to Mr Coombe for your carelessness. -Mm-mm. -Bertie, do as I say! I won't, and you can't make me! You don't want that horrible Mr Caine to come back, do you? BERTIE: Sorry! VICKY: Oh, Bertie, come back! Come back, Bertie! So, what are we supposed to do, hmm? Put him in a straitjacket? ALBERT: Victoria, why do you always have to exaggerate? Bertie was fine until Feodora arrived. That is beneath you. Feodora has done nothing but good for this family. Has she? Has she indeed. Perhaps you should ask her if she knows anything about the etchings. What is that supposed to mean? Well, Lord Alfred said she had a new horse. -Oh! -I didn't buy it for her. (LAUGHS) You think she would betray you for a horse? Victoria, please. Exercise a little reason. Feodora is your sister. She's not your enemy. No, Albert, I don't need a lobe of logic to understand that Feodora can be a sister AND an enemy. Hmm. This is what success looks like to a Jenny Craig client. I want to tell everyone, because it DOES work. I just feel different about myself. I actually love being me. Start your journey today with our free six-week membership, plus free food delivery. Call now. * Oh, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Duke. I imagine you were looking forward to watching me arrive at the Palace dressed as a woman whose life was destroyed by her husband. I think you'll find she was the author of her own misfortunes. Really? Well, I would rather go dressed as my grandmother, who was a servant, than a member of your family. (STATELY STRING MUSIC PLAYS) Why has everyone got white hair? VICKY: Because it's what they wore in the Georgian times. What's a 'Georgian time'? It's when all the kings were called George. So when I'm king, it will be a...Bertian time. Vicky! Bertie! Come here. Bertie, what have you got on your head? We're trying to make his head the right shape so he can be a proper king, Mama. Papa won't love me if I have a naughty bump. (PEOPLE CHATTER AND LAUGH) The whole point of phrenology is that it is not his fault, it is just the way that he is made. Well, Bertie doesn't understand that, and frankly, neither do I. I think all of your precious phrenology is just mumbo jumbo. Oh, these costumes are ridiculous. FEODORA: Oh, of course. Now that Mr Coombe has made the connection between your grandfather, King George, and Bertie, I suppose wearing costumes from his reign is rather... ..unfortunate. There is no connection. Mr Coombe is a charlatan. That's a magnificent tiara you're wearing. Thank you. Those sapphires must have been very expensive. I had no idea Langenburg was so wealthy, but perhaps you've come into money lately? LEOPOLD: Guten Abend. (CHUCKLES) Frederick the Great! A warrior and a philosopher. What could be more appropriate? What a happy Coburg trio I... ..I mean, quartet we make. Hmm. (LIVELY CHATTER) Her Majesty the Queen! (TRUMPETS PLAY FANFARE) His Royal Highness, Prince Albert. His Majesty, the King of the Belgians. Her Serene Highness, the Princess Feodora. (GRAND CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS) (CHILDREN CHATTER INDISTINCTLY) -(MUSIC ENDS) -(APPLAUSE) -Please! -It seems wrong! (ELEGANT MUSIC PLAYS) Do you like my costume, Joseph? Very much, Your Grace. Oh, I'm not a duchess tonight. -No? -No. Though... ..this bodice is rather constricting. Perhaps I may be of assistance. Yes, Joseph. I believe you can. PALMERSTON: Ah, Mr and Mrs Hudson do seem to be enjoying themselves. Of course, they've been rather shunned since the scandal. FEODORA: Mmm. I do hope they were sufficiently... ..grateful for their invitation. Oh, I have no complaints. I think you should ask me to dance, Lord Palmerston. A pleasure, ma'am. Where exactly do you require my assistance, Your Grace? Just here, Joseph. Here? Or here? (LAUGHTER NEARBY) Wait. We really shouldn't. Do you want me to stop, Your Grace? No. No. (BOTH MOAN) How are you enjoying the ball, Duke? As much as can be expected. Have you seen my wife? Or Lord Palmerston? Not lately. Perhaps they're having supper. Hmm. How well you look, Feodora. I must confess I almost did not recognise you earlier. That's hardly surprising. We haven't seen each other for 20 years. Since you made me leave England to get married. You had no dowry to speak of, but your mother and I, we did the best we could. You did the best for Victoria, not for me. Naturally. She was the heir to the throne. And I was an...inconvenience. It was so long ago. Not for me. (MUSICIANS PLAY SPRIGHTLY TUNE) Where has that hobbledehoy Joseph disappeared to? (WOMAN WHOOPS) You see that couple? It would be hard to miss them, ma'am. Who are they? Why do they keep looking at me like that? George Hudson, ma'am. The swindler? (PANTS) This is madness. Not from where I stand. -(MUSIC ENDS) -(APPLAUSE) (SIGHS) I must go back. (BRIGHT, STATELY MUSIC PLAYS) (DOOR OPENS) (DOOR CLOSES) The Duke. Before you go. Where the blazes have you been? Answering a call of nature, sir. -(MUSIC ENDS) -(APPLAUSE) Victoria, do you not think that Feodora's done such a marvellous job organising the ball? Oh! Well, her ingenuity, especially when it comes to the invitations, is unparalleled. What on earth do you mean? These...these are your guests. Oh, they have been invited in my name, certainly. But without my knowledge or consent. Who, for example, is that peculiar-looking gentleman over there? The one actually taking off his coat? Why is he here? I invited him. His name is Elkington and he is a celebrated inventor. And thank you for pointing him out. I must talk with him. Well, he may be your friend, Albert, but what about that couple over there? The swindler and his overdressed wife. Perhaps you will tell me why the Hudsons are here. The Hudsons? Oh! You can't expect me to remember all the names on the list. (CHUCKLES) -Then I will ask them myself. -No, I... I believe that would be beneath your dignity, Drina. The behaviour of a washerwoman, not a queen. (GRUNTS) So this is your reward? Oh, well, at least you didn't sell them cheap. Feo, you have made me look ridiculous! I think that is all your own doing, Drina. You hate me. You hate me, don't you? Nothing has been right, Feo. Nothing has been right since YOU came here! I know you would like nothing better than to turn Albert against me - I don't understand why! I've always done my best for you. Your best for me. Do you know the last time I remember being happy? It was when we lived at Kensington... ..and the old king asked me here to the Palace. I played Bach... ..and he told me I had the prettiest profile he had ever seen. And he was going to ask Mama... ..for my hand. Oh, Feo! (VICTORIA LAUGHS) You, marry that fat old man? He could barely stand up. But I would have been...queen! But that was not Mama's plan. Or Leopold's, no. They wanted you to be queen, not me. So they sent me away. Marry the first man who would have me. That wasn't my fault. You don't know what it's like. To live under a roof that leaks. Or lie next to a man... ..who's drunk himself into a stupor. You have everything, Drina! And you don't even know how lucky you are! (CROWD MURMURS) (APPLAUSE) Genius ` it doesn't need Silicon Valley. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Hutt Valley is just fine. It doesn't need a corner office to be competitive or even serious. All genius really needs is opportunity,... and that's why we built the Chorus fibre network. * MAN: A little piece of the Palace in your very own home. Look at that. Do you like that one? -How much? -A shilling to you, sir. Thank you very much indeed. Hello there! Now, then. Family scenes of the royal household that you can own. -How much is that one? -It's a shilling. -Oh! -Oh, thank you very much! -(CLANG!) -Bertie. ALBERT: Sehr gut. I will tempt you. Touche. -(BERTIE LAUGHS) -VICKY: No, Bertie! -I've got the queen. -Give it back! (BOTH GRUNT AND GROAN) -Give that back to me, Bertie. -VICKY: You rotter! It was a very foolish thing to do. But you're always playing with Vicky and you never play with me. That's because your head hasn't got a chess bump. ALBERT: Ah! No, no, no, no. Now, shall we play with your marbles, Bertie, hmm? I don't want to play with my marbles. I want to play chess. -VICKY: Bertie! -Leave me alone! (DOOR SLAMS) You could play chess with him, Albert. No, no - it is clear he shall never be able to learn the rules. I'm saving him from further disappointment. So you are just going to give up on him. No. No, no. I am being pragmatic. You heard what Mr Coombe had to say. You think Mr Coombe knows your son better than you do? VICTORIA: "Dei Gratia." By the grace of God. It's on every coin - every coin, Prime Minister, except this one. I hear they're calling it the Godless florin! (SIGHS) First the etchings and now this. Rest assured, ma'am, we will make sure that this error is corrected. Corrected? It's too late! The damage has been done. May I speak frankly, ma'am? You don't usually ask my permission before telling me something I don't want to hear. I think these pictures have done you the power of good. Oh, what on earth do you mean? This cost me a shilling. Do you think the people are buying these in order to laugh at them? Every time you have a child, the nation rejoices, ma'am, but they also wonder how much your burgeoning family is going to cost them. You did say I could speak frankly. These etchings, these trivial domestic scenes, they remind your subjects that you're not some remote, Olympian being but rather a woman who bathes her children and loves her dogs. And that's...desirable? Do you want me to tell you the secret to my popularity, ma'am? I am a viscount, but when the people see me at the races or at a prize fight, they just see a fella who likes a flutter. Just as they do. And you don't think that familiarity breeds contempt? Is this...familiar to your subjects, ma'am? But a baby... ..and a dog... ..that, they understand. You may be right. But the coin. The coin is unforgiveable. Who is responsible? (BOTH CLEAR THEIR THROATS) I'm asking you, Prime Minister, who is responsible? If you'll remember, ma'am, the Prince took responsibility for the design of the florin. It would be most unfortunate were his involvement to become known, especially now he is suing the printer of the etchings. Perhaps we should leave Her Majesty to prepare for the christening? Will that be all, ma'am? (UNEASY MUSIC) (MUSIC BUILDS) When were you going to tell me you were suing for damages? I understood that you were not able to take action so I spoke with the lawyers, who made it clear that there was nothing preventing me from doing so. So you didn't think to ask me first? ALBERT: I assumed we wanted the same thing, Victoria. Actually, I've changed my mind. Lord Pam says the pictures are very popular. When did you start wanting the monarchy to be nothing more than entertainment? The issue is not whether you are liked, Victoria, it is whether you are respected. Look at that. Where is the inscription that says I am queen through the grace of God? We could not fit it on because of the crown. You wanted the crown. Because I wanted to look like a queen! But how can I do that when my own husband doesn't think that the fact that I've been anointed by God... Do you not see that you are contradicting yourself? The etchings, they lower you down to the level of your people but you are furious because a Latin tag that most of your people cannot even understand has been omitted from a coin. You have no LOGIC! (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) Oh, um, Your Majesty, Your Royal Highness, the Archbishop is on his way to the throne room. For the christening. (GASPS) How splendid you look, my dear. You're coming to the christening? DUKE: Of course. I know that I'll find it fascinating. I use the colour that protects as it colours. Excellence by L'Oreal Paris - with pro-keratin complex, it protects before, during and after you colour. With 100% grey coverage. Rich, radiant colour. Excellence by L'Oreal Paris. * (ORGAN PLAYS 'ALL THINGS BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL') Arthur William Patrick Albert, I baptise thee in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost. Receive this child into the congregation of Christ's flock. "The Lord bless you and keep you; "The Lord make His face to shine upon you, "And be gracious to you; "The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, "And give you peace." Amen. -(GASPS) -(VICKY WHISPERS) Bertie! (HYMN ENDS) BERTIE: Vicky, look! Children. (GASPS) Did you really send her away so she wouldn't marry Uncle George? My late father-in-law liked nothing better than to torment his brothers with the notion that he could still produce an heir. I am afraid Feodora was just a pawn in that game. You know she blames me. She wants to have her revenge. Revenge? Oh, you exaggerate, Victoria. What could a penniless German princess possibly do to hurt the Queen of England? (FEODORA LAUGHS) Oh, Albert! -(ALBERT LAUGHS) It's true! -No! ALBERT: No, it is. (FEODORA LAUGHS) I never thought of that. You know my sister was selling invitations to the ball. Well, I asked her to invite a variety of guests. If they sent her gifts, that can only be expected. People send you things all of the time. Why do you...begrudge her the crumbs from your table? I think it's time you went home. And I think your husband would be sorry to see me go. He so enjoys having someone rational to talk to. She hates me, Albert. Is it because she treats you as a sister and not as a goddess? Victoria, I think your intellect is overtaxed. (GASPS) You're saying I'm mad? Is that it, Albert? Is that what you're saying? No, no, I'm saying that, like Bertie, I think your character has been overdeveloped in the area of self-esteem. That's enough. I have expected you to be something that clearly you cannot be, Victoria - a rational woman. And I...I realise my mistake. How can you be so cold? It is the only way that I can deal with your temper. I have no desire to descend to your level. My level?! (SIGHS) (SNIFFS) When did you stop loving me, Albert? I do love you. Of course I do. Just as I love the children. My duty to protect and care for you all. That's not what I meant. I know. But it is all I have left. (SUBTLE, PASSIONATE MUSIC) (SPARSE MUSIC) (CHILD SOBS) My mouse has run away and he's never coming back. Oh, darling. Come here. (SIGHS) Come here. We will get you another mouse. But it won't be the same! No, it won't be the same. Papa...doesn't love me anymore because I'm stupid. (WHISPERS) You can't stop loving someone, Bertie. It's not possible. SONG: # Hallelujah