Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Www.able.co.nz Able 2019 (panting) OK. Come on, come on, come on, come on. (panting continues) Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Come on, let's go. Let's go, buddy. Come on, come on, we gotta move, we gotta move. Whoa! (grunting) (spits) Uh-oh! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! No, no, no, no, no! (screaming) (grunting) (screaming continues) (grunting) Huh? (gasping) Whoa, whoa, whoa! (grunts) Hey! Hey! Gotcha! Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa. (grunts) Ow! Ow! Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow! (both screaming) I don't like it! I don't like it! (grunts) (whistling through air) (grunting) Whew! (chuckles) (screaming) Ow! Ooh! Ah! Ow! Ow! Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow! Oh! Beak! Wing! Tail! Ribs! (high-pitched): Giblets! (groans) Ah. (screaming) I'm flying! Nope, still can't fly. (screaming) (burbling): I cannot believe this. Breathe, breathe. (inhales) (gasps) (coughs) Bottom feeder. Up and over! (panting) Whew! (gasps) -Ta-da! -(horn toots) -(shrieking) -No, no, no, no. Look. It's OK. I'm just a clown. -(shrieking continues) -Oh, boy. -That's a loud... loud... -(sobbing) You're... very scared of me. -Here, come here. Nope. OK. -(shrieking) Nope. Never mind. Uh... -Happy hatchday! -Oh! Hi, pal. You must be so disappointed in yourself -for being this late. -Oh, no. No, no, no, no. I'm not late. Look at the time. See, the order said before noon. (cackling) OK, now you're late. -What? -Where have you been? -It's funny you ask. You see, I was... -You missed the party. -What is that? -Oh, that. Um, yes, I fell on the box. (chitters) -RED: Oh, the squirrel? That's on us. -(giggles) You know, I tried to keep my body between the ground and the box, but, you know, I think I got a little bruise. See anything back there? (groans) Hear that, honey? The clown we paid to be here an hour ago fell on our son's hatchday cake. That's why our son's hatchday party -is ruined! -Oh. And the next time you mess up, don't tell me a story, just take responsibility. Hey, man, it wasn't a story. I'm a screw-up that woke up late -and fell on the thing you paid for! -(mimicking gibberish) -Mm-hmm. It wasn't a story. -I'm really bad at my job, -but I'm late, so... -I almost drowned. Why don't we just settle this out -and say the cake's on you. -You. (strained grunting) I'm sorry, it's on me? Well, who else would it be on? (chuckles) (sighs) Well, you know, I... I'm not sure you're gonna like this, um, but since you asked. Rather than being on me, as you suggested, this cake... is on you! So, you wanna hear a story? I run my butt off, literally, mind you, to get the 'gluten-free cake.' What the heck is gluten?! I mean, does gluten even exist? -(trembling): Who are you? -Get outta here! -Already? But you're the only one that's had cake. -Wha...? (chewing): Mmm... Oh, that's good stuff. Mmm! -Anybody want to eat some cake off their dad or husband? -Uh. Who needs plates when you got this guy's face, right? (chuckles) Oh, oh, mm, oh, wait. I almost forgot. You know, I'm supposed to do a quick customer satisfaction survey before I... (whistles) split, OK? So, on a scale of one to three stars, what would you say about my performance? And don't forget, -the squirrel was... -(squirrel squeaks) -(distorted): free...! -(distorted scream) RED (distorted): Sorry about this. -No! -No! My... bad. (grunts) Huh. (strained grunting) -(others gasp) -Mmm! RED (muffled): Congratulations! -Huh? -(trembles): Oh! It's a boy! ('Paranoid' by Black Sabbath playing) Mm. Mm. (angry grunt) Hmm? -Ooh. Ooh, ooh. -Huh? -Mm. Mm. -(gasps) # All the time... # Ooh-hoo-hoo! (squeaky groan) FEMALE CLASSMATE: Hey, Eyebrows. -(laughter, whispering) -# All day long # # I think of things, but nothing seems to satisfy... # Eyebrows. OTHERS: Eyebrows! (angry grunting) (snoring) -(repeated pounding) -(groaning) (yells, pants) (Red sighs) Whee...! # Make a joke and I will sigh... # (gasping) (sneezes) (sniffles, sneezes) (sneezes loudly) (groans) Oh! Hmm. (school bell rings) (gulps) Oh. (grunts softly) Oh. (kisses) (muffled grunting) (laughter) (angry grunt) (angry grunt) EVA: Your Honour, our family has always practiced natural childhatch. The risks of having a scrambled infant are too great. -(crowd aahs) -There was going to be music, the nest was going to be full of beautiful, fresh-cut flowers. -(crowd aahs) -And the first two faces he was going to see were the loving faces (sobbing): of his mother and his father. (crowd murmuring) (giggles) We can never get that moment back. Ma'am, I never wanted my face to be the first face your baby saw. (chuckles): I mean, what are we talking about here? He probably doesn't even remember me. -Daddy! -(crowd gasps) No, no, no. No. Shh. (whispers): Shut up. -(growling) -RED: Shut up. Cool it. RED: Ladies and gentlemen, am I a passionate bird? Yes. (chuckles): Guilty as can be. It was a quality cake. -Mm. -Look, I worked very hard to get it there-- on time-- -and he wouldn't even try it! -(clears throat) Mr. Red, we are a happy, -happy bird community. -OTHERS: Mm-hmm. Under the protection of Mighty Eagle... -(eagle calls faintly) -we work, we play, we laugh, (laughs) we love, and we live our lives free from conflict and strife, sir. We love the sound of our own voice, too, evidently. Perhaps you never heard the joke: Why don't birds fly? I'm gonna tell you why. Because where else -would we ever wanna go? -(laughter) -Wow. Not a good joke. -It gets me every time, guys! So now, what am I to make of the likes of you? There seems to be a recurring issue here. -Anger. -(crowd murmurs) (scoffs) I don't think I have an anger issue. I think you got an anger issue. (crowd gasps) Anger... is a weed growing in our garden. And what do you do -when you find a weed? -I don't know, but I bet you're gonna tell me. You pluck it out! Oh, my God. Mr. Red, when you moved your house outside of our village, did you notice that -nobody tried to stop you? -(sighs) Birds, they may smile at you on the street, but that doesn't mean they like you. (exhales) Mm-hmm. Hey, you know what? I got a question for you. Are you aware that that robe that you're wearing isn't fooling anybody? We all see ya prancing along the street, Your Honour! And you're what-- and I'm just approximating here-- -like, an inch tall?! -You... What are you doing?! -(crowd gasps) -Voila! -(sneezes, sniffles) -Yeesh. -(crowd gasping) -What the...? Daddy! Mr. Red, given the severity of the crimes, I have no choice but to impose the maximum penalty allowed by the law. Anger management class. -(crowd groans) -Oh. Pluck my life. -(gasps) -(frustrated groan) -Fresh worms caught today. -Huh? Hey, Red. How are ya? -Oh, I'm horrible. -STELLA: Oh, hi, Red. It's good to see you! -I wish I could say the same. -Get your worms here! -(laughing) -PARENTS: Upsy-daisy! (gasps, grunts) -(playing lively tune) -Thank you. (groans) Ah. Huh? -(playing squeaky notes) -Huh? -Mm. -Let's go. -Oh. (young birds giggling) How are you, Susie? You good? No running. No running. (chuckles) -Oop! -Come on. Hey, how's that nap schedule coming along? -(chuckles) -RED: Oh, boy. You guys ever thought about bird control? Oof! Left, right, left, right. There ya go. (humming a tune) (mocking hum) Hey, hey. (blows raspberry) (blows raspberry) -(giggles) -MONICA: All right. Oop! -(groans) -SHIRLEY: Shirley. -Girly, you got this. -MONICA: Oh. We don't want you to fall, now. Take your time. (groans) Here we go. That's it. (loud grunting) Oh! You're doing it! Seriously? I'm almost there. (frustrated groan) Hmm? -Nope. -(sadly): Hmm. (birds gasping happily) (all gasp) (spitting) (laughter) YOGA INSTRUCTOR: Pigeon pose. Crane pose. -(panting) -OK, we worked out. -Who's down for a froyo? -Ooh! Froyo! -Wow. 'Mighty Mighty Eagle, soaring free. 'Defender of our homes -and liberty!' -Hi, Red. Is one of those yours? What? Yeah, when birds fly. DAY CARE BIRD: Mighty Eagle is a legend.' (statue laughing rhythmically) (rhythmic laughing continues) (amplified heartbeat) (amplified heartbeat continues) (grumbles) (hand crackling) (angry grunting) (heartbeat growing louder) (exhales) -(rhythmic laughing continues) -Mm. (grunts) (pained groan) (exhales) (Red yells) (grunting) You think that's funny? Ha-ha-ha! This is funny! (rhythmic laughing continues) Uh-oh. (grunting) Oh! Ah! Come on! (rhythmic laughing distorted) (grunting) -(yells) -(rhythmic laughing stops) (panting) (rhythmic laughing) What?! (grunting) (statue grunts) Oof! (grunts) Whew! (panting) (grunts) -(Helene gasps) -Hmm? -Don't look, Bobby. -(chuckles) The anger might be contagious. -Let's go! -(grunts) He started it. HELENE: Move it, move it! Don't look back! (groans) There you go. Uh-huh. (statue groans weakly) (grunting) RED: Oh, look at this. This is gonna be awful. OK, I guess that's art. That's garbage. And that's... 'exotic.' 'Free rage' what? -MATILDA: Oh, hi! -(gasps) -Hi there! Welcome... -Oh, hello. ...to the Infinity Acceptance group. -I am Matilda. -OK. And I'm just super psyched to be taking this journey with you! Ah! You're gonna have a blast. I'm really fun. -(chuckles): Everybody says that about me. -(groans) Hey, guys. Say hello to Red, everyone. Hello! Hi, Red. (chuckles) -Hello, birds I won't get to know well. -Hey, apparently somebody didn't get the memo that we like to start on time, because you're about two minutes late. Don't let it happen again. Hi. My name is Chuck. I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot. I like you a lot. I can tell. (chuckles): OK. Now, Red, would you like to share your story with us? No, not really. Well, the court mentioned something about a rage episode at a child's birthday party. How long is this class, anyway? As long as you make it. -Really? Oh, OK. -Mm-hmm. Uh, gentlemen, very nice to see you, and to... almost meet you. Probably the nicest part of it is not getting to meet you, -you know, in some weird way. -(both groan) All right, so I'm gonna go ahead and scoot on back out past those creepy statues -and, uh... -(grunts) Back you go. -Sure. No, I can take a seat. -(hums a tune) So, in another sense, you are here until I notify the court that your anger issues have been resolved. (giggles) (groans): Oh, boy. Chuck! Share your story with Red. Me? I am the last guy who should be here. Simple speeding ticket. Judge tells me I was going too fast, so I say, 'Your Honour, (chuckles) to be honest, I was. You caught me.' I'm not angry. I'm honest. So, shouldn't I be in honesty management class? 'Cause we got to manage my honesty. Mm-hmm. My one problem: that's a different story than you told last time. (chuckles nervously) (whooshing, Chuck imitating engine) (siren wailing) # Woop-woop! That's the sound of da police # # Woop-woop! That's the sound of the beast # Hmm. # That's the sound of da police, woop-woop! # # That's the sound of da beast # # Woop-woop! That's the sound of da police # # Woop-woop! That's the sound of da beast... # -Drinks on me, guys! -(cheering) # Woop-woop! That's the sound of da police # # Woop-woop! That's the sound of da beast... # -Mmm-mmm. -MATILDA: Chuck? OK, maybe it wasn't ice cream. All right, Chuck, thanks. We got it. And this is Terence. (low growling) Whew. More like terrifying. Now, it says here, in your little filey... (siren wailing faintly) (panicked screaming, crashing) (sirens wailing) (panicked screaming) (crashing, tires screeching) (low growling) Terence, u-uh, seems to have had an... (clears throat) incident. Now, Bomb started with us two weeks ago. Tell us your story, Bomb. (sighs heavily) OK. Well, sometimes when I get upset, I, uh... have been known to, uh... blow up. So, like, uh, like, what, like, you get mad, you mean? Well, no. I literally blow up, OK? I explode like a bomb. (imitates bomb whistling through air) -(imitates explosion) -(Chuck gasps) Hence the name. CROWD: Surprise! (squeaking) -(party horn squeaks) -Ah, excuse me. Party foul. Ow! (squeals) Do it! No can do. I just went boom-boom -before class. -Hey, look, I don't want to be here at all, but this can maybe make it a little more interesting to me, so please, explode. You can't do it, can you? Yes, I can, but I'm having... back issues today. So I'm gonna have to take a rain check. Oh, do it! Not the time or place, little amigo. These guys are all nuts, huh, big man? (low growling) Are we speaking telepathically, or you're just...? (low growling) Good talk. -Nice chatting with you. -MATILDA: Today we're gonna be working on managing our anger through movement. -CHUCK: Mm. -The first pose is the dancer pose. -(floor creaking) -(gasps) -Great form, Terence. Mm! Eagle! Heron! Peacock! Warrior! Mountain! Tree! Rabbit! Fish! Locust! King pigeon! And of course, downward duck. (groans) Huh? -(strained grunting) -Uh, excuse me, -boring hippie lady. -Uh-huh? Looks like the explodey guy's gonna puke. And have you done this before? Uh, yes, I have, but usually not for free. -(grunts) -Didn't think so. -Awesome. -And how are we doing over here, Bomb? (straining): Doing wonderful. Stretching out the core. (groans) Just remember to breathe up through your feathers and from your talons. -(groaning, hissing) -Namaste. Bomb? (Chuck coughing) CHUCK: Nice! -(coughing) -BOMB: I don't know what happened. I was doing the poses, I was feeling all Zen, Matilda was digging it, then I lost my grip on it. Let it slip and it just squeaked out. Hey, so where we going? I'm sorry. 'We'? Yes, we. There's a new happiness exhibit at the Museum of Happiness that I'm dying to see. Uh, you know what? I-I mean, I got a, uh... -I got a thing. -A thing? (whispers): Like a disease? (gasps) Is it bird flu? Chicken pox? (gasps) Cardinal sin? No, by 'thing,' I mean, like, um... desire not to hang out. With you. Oh. Oh, yeah, well, m... you know, maybe for the best, you know, because, uh, I got something, too. Ha! How did I forget? Even if you'd said yes, I probably couldn't have gone. I'm... busy, too. I have... a, uh... business offer, uh, deal that is, -uh... -No, Bomb, you're not good at this, buddy. It's-it's charming up to a point, and now it's just sad. It's a guy I know. -(groans) -And he's opening up a brand... -Mm, mm-mm. -new... luxury... ...class reunion. OK. Good. Good, good, good. Well, looks like it's just us. Want to go get a bite? Oh, but what about your 'class reunion' where everybody brings a 'business offer'? (chuckles): Oh... no, no, no. Chuck, I was lying. I'm sorry if I fooled you. ('Behind Blue Eyes' by Limp Bizkit playing) (young birds laughing) -Hmm? -Nuh-uh. No means no. (sadly): Hmm. Cheers. -Hey! -Hmm? Get over here! Hey, peckerhead! -What's up? -(excited chatter) (sighs) Mm. # To be the sad man... # OLIVE: Ooh! Oh! Oh, I felt a peck! Oh! -(both chuckle) -# And no one knows # # What it's like to be hated # # To be fated # (sighs) # To telling only lies... # TEACHER: This is the legendary Mighty Eagle, our protector and hero, but no one has seen him for years. -Mighty Eagle is missing. -(Young Red grunting) When's Mighty Eagle gonna come back? Eyebrows, didn't your parents ever tell you -Mighty Eagle isn't real? -Shh. He doesn't know that. He doesn't have parents. Yeah. Or even friends. (chuckles) (classmates whispering) # No one knows what it's like # # To feel these feelings # (blows softly) # Like I do # # And I blame you # # No one bites back as hard # # On their anger # # None of my pain and woe # # Can show through. # (engine rumbling faintly) (Leonard snorts) Aha! Eureka! -Say bye to Daddy. -BABY BIRDS: Bye-bye! -Good-bye, hatchlings. -Bye! Have a happy day! Good morning! CYRUS: Morning, Your Honour. Ow! Here you go. -(muffled sneeze) -Bless you. Mmm! (gulps) Mmm! -Yes! -Bye! Daddy's making dinner! BOMB (voice-over): If my name were Bobby, would you ask about my hobbies? -(whispers): Whoa. -Or if my name were Judas, would you ask me what my mood is? -(groans) -I laugh, I cry, I love, I hate. I do so much more... than detonate. Think about it. That was beautiful. Oh, you're gonna make me cry! Yeah, that was some real... clever symbolism. MATILDA: Ah. Red, why don't we hear your poem? -I don't have a poem. -Uh-huh. Why not? Because... I didn't write one. Right. Uh-huh. -And is there a reason? -Well, you know, I was gonna do it, but then I thought about it and I realized, oh, this is a huge waste of my time. So I didn't do it. (inhales sharply) Deep breath, deep breath. (inhales) (deep voice): Deep breath! (sighs): Ah. And we're back in the now. Chuck! You've had your hand up -the whole time. -Mm-hmm. My poem... is about a hate crime. -(gasps) -Uh-oh. Oh... no. Lotta sickos out there. Lotta sickos. (dramatically): What, oh, what did I make you of? -I made you out of love. -MATILDA: Aw. But wait, too late! Now I see your fate. Some very troubled somebody destroyed you out of hate. (groans softly) (breathes deeply) What could have made him so despise your happy smile, your laughing eyes? (whimpers, gulps) -Your soul was pure, your heart was true. -Mm, mm, mm, mm. And someone hated that. But who? -(Matilda gasps) -(gulps) (grunts) (whistling) (coughing): Terence. (low growling) (grunts) Yeah, I deserved that. (groans) -Billy has passed... -RED: Oh! ...to a higher plane of existence. (crying): Everyone, join wings. Let us... all say our good-byes. Yeah, let me get in here. I got to say good-bye. -OK. -(low growling) OK. You know, I'll just mourn from back here. That's fine. You know, if there's one thing Billy always hated, -it was good-byes. -Hey, what's going on out there? (gasps) Oh! Class dismissed. (Terence growling) Very moving. -Come on, everybody! Let's go! -(excited chatter) Hey, where's everybody going? Hurry! Something's coming! -Last one to the beach is a rotten egg! -Let's go! CHUCK: Coming through! Pardon me! Excuse me! (grunts, blows whistle) -(grunts) What? -(low growling) (growling chuckle) (imitates siren wailing) -Ah! Again?! -(imitates horn honking) -Let's get down to the beach! -(excited chatter) Follow me! Last one there is a rotten egg! What? -(ship horn blowing) -Hmm. Huh. -Didn't mean to photo-bomb you. Sorry about that. -(grumbles) -What is that thing?! -It looks like a UFO-- an Unidentified Floating Object. Daddy! (whispers): Stop it! No! I'm not your daddy! -What is that? -Look at the size of that thing! SHIRLEY: Where's it going? BRAD: I don't know, but it's not stopping. (alarm blaring) My house! My house! -(alarm continues blaring) -Slow down! Stop! (panting) Aw. (creaking) Phew! What the...?! (groans): Aw! That house took me five years to build. Wow. It's such a shame when you create something and someone just destroys it. LEONARD (over speaker): Ladies and gentlemen, -we have a very special guest for you. -Huh? -He's a green marine sailing machine. -Careful, now. And he's keen to let you know he's not mean. Put your wings together for... Leonard! (birds gasping) LEONARD: Thank you so much. Please hold your applause. Greetings from my world! The world of the pigs. (whispers): What's a pig? I... am a pig. (sighs) (gears clank) Unbelievable. -Unbelievable. -(beeping) (stammers, chuckles) Oh! Where we going? Wrong way. (grunts) -Oopsie. Not working. -(Leonard sighs) We practiced this a hundred times. -Give it to me. -Oh, man. -(squeals) Oh. -We're gonna come in again. I'm so sorry. (giggling) -My name is Leonard, -(screams) but my friends call me Chuckles. Oh-ho-ho-ho! Very generous! -Thank... -We mean no harm. (gasping, grunting) We saw your island across the sea, and we thought... 'Wonder what they're up to.' But there's no other place besides here. -Yes, there is. -Stop it! -And we are from there. -(grunts) Please stop! -We call it... Piggy Island. -(screams) Oh, my God. -P-I-double-G-Y... -(screaming) ...Island. Who else is out there? My first officer Ross and I have sailed everywhere. -One brave soul against the sea. -(panting) -And Ross. -RED: Uh, excuse me. Have you come to smash all of our houses or just mine? -Oh, man! -(crowd murmurs) LEONARD: Somebody want a gift basket? Please, please, don't be afraid. -(relieved exhales) -My partner and I request the honour of your friendship. -Ross, show 'em how we do it. -(chuckles) LEONARD: Don't worry, he's had all his shots. -(siren-like shriek) -We're all friends now! Hi, friends. (low growling) Oh. (snorts) Not a hugger. Huh? (sadly): Hmm. Welcome to Bird Island! Welcome to our new friends, the pigs. Let us have a celebration! -Put 'er there! -(muffled): Welcome! -(slap) -Whew! Sorry. -And a hoof to a wing. -STELLA: We would like to honour the pigs with a special performance. (cheering) # Hey, let's explo-o-o-ode # # Explode... # -Whoa! Watch out! -(whoops) LEONARD: Shakin' my bacon! They don't have feathers? You know, they're just walking around naked, just presenting themselves. I'm looking at all their business here. That part about them I really admire. STELLA: Now we would like to welcome our special guests, the pigs! -(crowd cheering) -All right! Thank you for your kindness and hospitality. Our king sends his warmest regards. -King? -You have shared with us the wonders of your quaint, simple little island. Drop the banner, Ross! (Ross grunting) -Whoa! Uh-oh. -LEONARD: Now we would love to humbly share some of the wonders of our world. Huh. Yeah. Humble, my bird butt. (singsongy): Language. A hundred years from now, everyone will ask: 'How did the friendship between the pigs and the birds start?' -Who cares?! -Oh, no. -(crowd groans) Well, let them say... we lit up the night! -(giggles) -(crowd gasps) Holy moly! Ha! -(crowd cheering) -(laughing) Yeah! Whoo-hoo! Hey, look, they destroyed more of the stuff -we worked hard to build. -Mm. -But there's more! -CHUCK: More?! Has gravity gone haywire? No! Even better! Your friends, the pigs, -proudly give you... -(imitates drumroll) -the trampoline! -(crowd gasping) Those are my assistants, Oinky... -Hello. -...and Jon Ham! (kisses) Hold on a second. I thought there was only supposed to be two of these guys. LEONARD: Squad goals! Look at those -jiggly pigglies! -ALL: Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! But that's not all. Throwing things just got a whole lot easier. Say hello to... the slingshot! -Ta-da! -Ta-da! -I can't see. Wow! -This is crazy! Tired of carrying things from place to place? -CROWD: Yeah! -Wish you could just get it there? CROWD: Yeah! -Well, now you can! -CROWD: How?! -Waiters, do me a favour. -Huh? -Take the rest of the night off. -Thank you. Hey, if you got the night off, why don't you fix my house! (quietly): Yeah, it's the same guy. (chuckles) Well, the slingshot does it all in three easy steps. Ready... aim... fire! -I got it! -LEONARD: Incredible! -Flown in fresh! -Me! Me! I want fruit! Guys, it's the same fruit sitting on the plates in front of you. -(Bomb grunts) -LEONARD: Watch out for that pineapple. Somebody, please... (gulps) And now for our last gift to you. Shut up and fix my house! (nervous chuckle) We don't know him. I'm going to ask for a volunteer from the audience. -Pick me! -Oh! -(shouting, grunting) Who should I pick? -Who, who, who? -Pick me, Mr. Pig! How about the red guy with the enormous eyebrows? -Aw. -(Bomb chuckles) Me? Mm-hmm. -Yeah! -Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yes, you, sir. Come on up here. It's your lucky day! A-Are you sure you don't want to choose one of the hundreds of birds that had their wings up? -LEONARD: Get him up here! -Come on, Red! Have some fun! (chanting): Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Oh, he's shy. You hear that? They're cheering for you. Oh, you gotta be kidding me. LEONARD (chanting): Red guy with the eyebrows! -(crowd chanting) -I would've sat closer had I known that I was gonna be part of the show. -OK, now what? -Come on, give him a hand. -(crowd cheering) -Right this way. Come on. (snorts) Relax. Be brave. -Ready! -Who, me? Yeah, no, I'm ready. -Aim! -Aim at what? -Everybody on this one. -ALL: Fire! -(screaming) -(crowd gasps) -Wow! Who says birds don't fly? This seems really unnatural! -(gasps) -I hope he's OK. Ow! (grunting) (coughing) Hey, don't worry! I'm fine! Thanks for the lift! I wish they would have done that ten minutes ago. Oh. (whooshing) You know you want to search their boat. What? No, I don't. Yeah, you're right, I do. (whooshing) Bomb's on his way. Mmm. Mmm! (whispering): Come on. Let's go. (grunts) And remember, keep it quiet. (whoosh) Oh, yeah. (grunts) Whoa! This is an impressive ship! Shh. No. Inside voice. -Inside voice. Come on. -Oh. (whispers): Sorry. -(door creaks) -(grunts) CHUCK: Hmm. Piggy fitness. -Hmm? -(mumbles): I don't know. -Mm-hmm. -(spits) (squeals quietly) Ugh! Hmm? Mm-mm. Ah! (engine revving) (horn playing 'La Cucaracha') -Very strange. -Mm. Mm. -Huh? (gasps) -Huh? RED: Who are these weirdos? -(Bomb grunts) -Huh? -Whoa. -(Bomb laughing, whooping) (grunting, laughing) What are you doing? We're trying to sneak around. -We didn't rent this place out. -BOMB: Wow! -You can rent this place? -(clicks tongue) Hmm? -Give me that! -Aw. (grunting) (screams) (both gasp) BOMB: Hey, you guys! Looks like there's some more stuff down here. (pigs laughing, snorting) (laughs) We were hiding. LEONARD: When I say hey, you say ho! Hey! CROWD: Ho! -Hey! -Ho! There's more of them! Hey! -(crowd quiets) -Ho... oh... That's right, I'm back. Uh-huh. Enjoying the party, everyone? Because while you were living it up, I snuck onto their boat. -What?! -(crowd gasping) -SHIRLEY: What did he say? -And look at what I found. -(pigs chuckling) There's more of them than we thought! Which is, um, mysterious and weird, am I right? (chuckles): Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! -Hi. -(squeals) -(deep voice): How ya doin'? -Oh. Remember, he said there were only two pigs on board, but he was obviously lying. Hmm. Oh, and there are strange devices on their boat! So clearly, there's, you know, some messed-up stuff going on here. How messed up? I don't know. What specifically? I don't know that, either. Any questions? (gasps) Sweet! -You snuck onto their boat? -Uh, you know, I don't need a reward. If you guys are trying to think -of what honour to bestow upon me, don't need it. -Boo! -(crowd booing) -Yeah, boo 'em! -(booing continues) -You're booing them or me? MALE BIRD: You! Oh. It's me. Perhaps I can explain. You see, my cousins are simple folk. Watch. # A, B, C... # (crickets chirping) -Nothing. See? Nothing. -(groans) I didn't want to risk their lives until I found out that the... the new world was safe. We were gonna put on a cowboy show for you. (snorts) Let 'er go, boys! Yee-haw! # Hey, hey, you and me # -# Different as different can be # -Shh. # You take the high and I'll take the low... # -(music stops) -Ixnay on the ongsay. -That was Pig Latin. -Oh. -Ooh... But perhaps it wasn't meant to be. Oh. I believe that birds and pigs are meant to be friends. But if we crossed boundaries that were not meant to be crossed... -Oh. -(crowd aahs) -(sad groan) -PECKINPAH: Mr. Red, you've shamed not only yourself but our entire community! Oh, I think you... you messed up there. You said 'shamed' and you meant 'saved,' right? I sent you to treatment to deal with your problems. Clearly, more treatment is required. -No! -No! Do not trouble our honoured guests again! My friends, we would love to see your cowboy show. -Thank you. Thank you so much. (sniffling) -Yeah! -(snaps fingers) -EARL: Come on, everybody! -Put your hands together! -(crowd cheering) -Whoo-hoo! -Yeah! Whatever. Don't listen to me. -Party train coming through! -Choo-choo! (pigs imitate train whistle) (laughter) # It's crazy that we're standing side by side... # (grunting) (loud grunting) Ah! I can't see. I can't see. Whoa! (water splashes) # That we can't fly # # Just some roughed-up desperados # # Hangin' tough # # Through thick and thin # # Kickin' up dust wherever we go # -Whoa! Ho-ho-ho-ho! -# I can see that you and me # # Are gonna be friends... # -Piggyback rides? -PIG: Yee-haw! Let's move it, piggies! Oh, boy. Group picture! Group picture! -Everybody say 'cheese'! -Cheese... Omelette. (laughs): Cheese omelette! Classic! Ooh! Spoiler alert. (laughs) -Step right up! -Jump! So I'm thinking about what kind of nest I would want to make. -I was in the store, and I saw this... -(grunting) # Whoa # -# Whoa-oh-oh # -Yee-haw! -# Whoa # -Yee-haw! -(crowd cheering) -I am famished. Whoa! -PIG: It's chow time! (pigs chewing noisily, snorting) # Just some roughed-up desperados # -Yuck! -# Hangin' tough # # Through thick and thin # # Kickin' up dust # -# Wherever we go... # -(cheering) Yeah! Ow! (strained grunt) What? (snoring) # You and me are gonna be friends... # -(snoring) -What the heck? -(laughing) -Who invited you to move in? Hey! Whoa! That's my toothbrush! Get it out! -(cheering, rhythmic clapping) -Whoo! Yee-haw! Yee... haw! (laughs) (gasps) (low growling) (deep chuckling) (nervous chuckle) Huh? (CROWD MURMURS) (THUD! CROWD APPLAUDS) (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) (LIGHT, UPBEAT MUSIC) (WOMAN VOCALISES) MAN: # You're a little light. # You're a little light. # You're a little light. There's a little bit of genius in all of us. All it needs is opportunity,... * (Matilda humming a tune) All right, class, thought for the day: Water is the softest thing, yet it can penetrate mountains and earth. Here's my thought of the day: When are we done? Ugh! Red, what the caterpillar calls the end, -the world calls a butterfly. -Can I just say I never understand a single thing you're talking about? (mocking): Can I just say... (gibberish) Uh-huh, uh-huh. Ah. Mm-hmm. Wow, that's... very lifelike. (Bomb laughs) -Whoa! (chuckles): Oh! -So deep. And, Terence, let's see your... -(low growling) -Oh. My goodness. I did not know you felt that way. -Aw... -Uh, class dismissed! And now we've come to the prestigious Palms district. -Hoo-whee! -Ah. Where birds of all feathers flock together with eight kinds of fruit and nut trees. -Suck those bellies in. Insta-ham! -(giggles) Mm. Is that what I think it is? That's an egg. -That's how our children are born. -(gasps) You guys don't lay eggs? I... wish we did. -(cork pops) -Enchante. - # Why do birds # -(kisses) (bottle shatters) -# Suddenly appear # -You look... delicious, my dear. -# Every time # -(laughing) # You are near? # -# Just like me # -(laughing continues) # They long to be # -That's us. -# Close to you # (cloud gulps) (laughing) -Hey. Hello. Excuse me. Buddy? -(record scratches) Those are fragile. Maybe you shouldn't pick 'em up, all right? Not yours. Oh. My friend from the banquet. Well, that's a very good painting. -Very good. -Oh. Yeah. Uh, the assignment was Paint Your Pain, so I painted your pain. It's actually the first in a series. -Here you go. -Uh-huh. -This one is nice. -Oh. I call this one 'Catharsis.' And... oh. -I call this one 'Bye-Bye.' -Huh. Wonderful likeness. I thought you said you stored your nuts for winter. -(laughter) -Burn. All right, what's going on here? Are you explorers, or are you staying? Because if you're explorers, -then why are there more of you coming, huh? -(ship horn blows) -Hi, everybody! -Whee! -(laughing) (ship horn blows) RED: Not my house again! That's my home! -PIG: OK! -And you know what, if you are staying, why don't you just say so? -And why'd you leave your home? -Hmm. How do we know you're not fugitives of the law? You are making our guests feel unwelcome! And you're not asking basic questions. -Oh... -Maybe I wasn't clear enough. Your opinion is not needed. Why do we have to agree? Why does it matter -that we're not the same? -Anger... is not always the answer! Continue the tour. Um... surf's up, you guys. -So get ready to hang loose. -That went well... -if you're me. -(pig snorting, laughing) (scoffs) Dummy. (laughter) RED: (exhales) We could really use you right about now. Wait, actually... Hey, Chuck! It's Red! -Zip on down here! -(doorbell rings) (whooshing) Oh. Hey, Chuck's mom. Can your son come out to play? (whooshing, slurping) All of this does not just happen on its own. BOMB: # Wah-doo-wah, doo-wah... # -(knocking) -(Bomb shouts) -(explosion) -(both grunt) Oh, hey. Just... taking a shower. -Bomb, buddy, TMI. -(chuckles) RED (voice-over): Now, I'm telling you, -something isn't kosher with these pigs. -Bull's-eye! And it's up to us to figure it out. Figure what out, exactly? BOMB: I don't know, maybe they're just being innovative. Go ahead. -All aboard! -(laughter) Does seem a little odd, though. (pigs screaming) -(whooping) -Nailed it! -Flawless. -RED: Come on, does none of this seem wrong to you guys? BOTH (mumble): I don't know. I'll tell you this, if anyone knows -what these pigs are up to... -Hey! ...it's Mighty Eagle. ANNOUNCER (voice-over): Mighty Eagle! # Here I am... # Oh, yeah! -# Rock you like a hurricane # -(grunting) (roaring) # Here I am # -# Rock you like a hurricane... # -Ha-ha! Take that, tree! Yah! Eat my foot! Oh-yah! Tasty! Yum-yum-yum! Mm! (thunder crashes, whip cracks) Whoa. ANNOUNCER (voice-over): Mighty Eagle! # Here I am... # Peek-a-boo. # Rock you like a hurricane... # -Hello, Bird Island! -(crowd cheering) # Here I am... # (spits): Pah-tooey! (chuckles) You're welcome. (Chuck shrieks) Does Mighty Eagle still live? Did he ever live? And if he did live, where would he live? By the Lake of Wisdom in the Ancient Tree. That's a fairy tale. I've run all over this island. Where could that possibly be? Way up high. It's a long way up that mountain, and if I'm being honest, well, I mean, you know, I could kind of use your help. -What's that? What are you trying to say? -Nothing. I was just saying that I, you know, I could use your help. Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't quite hear you over your ego. Could you enunciate that last word a little bit? I need your help! Oh! Why didn't you say so? Bomb? Let's... do it! (grunting) Whew! (panting) (grunts) If there is a Mighty Eagle, well, how come we don't ever hear his battle cry? -I don't know. -Maybe we have. What would a Mighty Eagle battle cry sound like? You know what? I think I got an idea. Maybe something like, uh... (screeching) No, I bet it's more like... Ca-caw! Ca-caw! That's theoretically what it's more like, scientifically. Oh, I got one. (singing opera music) Ah. (singing continues) Not bad. It's a good impression. But in my head, I'm kind of imagining it's something more like a... (high-pitched): # Hey-you-ho # # Hey-you-ho... # # Hey-you-ho. # -That sounds about right. -Now I'm thinking maybe it's a little bit more subtle. -(panting) -Like a little bit just more majestic, like... (harsh screeching) (ululating) (harsh screeching) (ululating) # Hello, world! # -# I am calling for you! # -(screechy singing) Stop making Mighty Eagle noises! (sighs): Oh, it's like running a nursery. Absolute child care. (singsongy): Someone has anger issues. (Red grunts) This, uh... this is the wrong mountain. (Bomb grunting) My calves are killing me. (groans) (grunting) * (strained grunting) (gasping breaths) (sighs) Whew! -Oh, wow. -Whoa. -That is simply unreal. -(Chuck gasps) The Lake of Wisdom! (laughing) What are you guys waiting for?! (laughing) Guys, hurry up! This is what Mama talked about! (gasps) Wow. (slurps) (sighs) Be honest, do I sound any wiser? Oh, way wiser. You were kind of dumb before. I can say that now. BOMB: That water is no joke. -(grunting) -I can literally taste the intelligence and wisdom -circulating through my body now. -Guys, nobody's here. I mean, nobody's used this place in years. What are you doing?! -Get out of there. (groans) -(Bomb gargling) -Don't spit in his mouth. -No, don't spit it back! -(Chuck gargling) Oh, don't swallow it. -(Chuck swallows) -(groans) Yuck! (laughing, whooping) (deep, distorted laughing) -(distant roar) -(gasps) Whoa! -(pants) -(distant rumble) Get out! Let's go! Come on! -(chuckles) -Shh, shh. Come. -Take your time, will ya? -Red, I've found the meaning of life! -It's... -Shut your wormhole! (distant booming steps, echoing roar) (booming steps, echoing roar continue) Oh, wow. It's him. (sighs): Ah... (Mighty Eagle yawns) (Mighty Eagle groaning) (descending groan) (Mighty Eagle sighs) Oh, man. (Mighty Eagle hums scale) -(tinkling continues) -(retching) -(Mighty Eagle hums scale) -No. No. No. Ew! Ugh. Horrible turn of events. Horrible. Whew! (sobbing loudly) (rhythmic brushing) (Mighty Eagle groans, sighs) (smacking lips) -(clears throat) -RED: Well, not so much the Lake of Wisdom-- it's more like the Lake of Whiz. MIGHTY EAGLE (echoing): Did you just come here to look at me? Or did you have something to say? I think he saw us. Oh, you think so? MIGHTY EAGLE: You have passed the first test! You have found me. -Whoa! -Look out! -Behold! Gaze upon... ...Mighty Eagle! -(Mighty Eagle panting) -CHUCK: Hmm? I see all and know all! What are your names? If you know all, why don't you know who we are? Ow! I know very well who you are. -Uh-huh. -You are lost souls who have come here seeking wisdom. Whoa! Can we have some? Wisdom is not something that is given. It is something that is attained. OK. Good-bye. No, no, no, no. Will I help you attain wisdom? -Whoa! -Yes! -Ha-ha! -That I will do. Right. So the reason we've climbed the mountain -is that we want to know... -Prepare... OK. ...to have your minds blown. Ah, son of a...! This guy is good. Welcome to the Hall of Heroism! RED: Wow! It's really amazing to meet you. You know, I actually have your poster up... You might want to shield your eyes from the sparkle of those trophies. How many? I have no idea. Countless, I'm sure-- 13. CHUCK: Wow, this is way nicer than my Hall of Wimpiness. Bring it home, mamacita. -(kisses, clicks tongue) -BOMB: Get outta town! (laughs) -(Chuck laughs) -What the...? ('Wild Thing' by Tone Loc playing) O-O-Oh. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. (grunting) Those are some old-school moves there. -Yeah! -# Wild thing # -# Wild thing, wild thing... # -Mm-hmm. Ooh. Oh-ho. -What? -(whistles) Wow. Yes! Yeah! Cha! # Hasta la vista, baby... # -(Mighty Eagle cackling) -So he's kind of a wackadoodle. You know, that doesn't mean he's not wise. (grunts softly) -(Ross laughs) -Hey, are you tired of filling your balloons with heavy old air? Finally, there's a better way! -Helium! -Helium? -It's a gas! -(grunts) Aw, don't worry about your balloon. It'll just land in the ocean. -(yelling in pain) -The fish love it! It's good for their tummy. (giggling) (muffled sputtering) Free party, free party. It's gonna be the piggest party of the year. (Ross screaming) Party! Get a birdsitter. PIG: Let's go, piggies! Well, now, that is some fine handiwork. -Hey, Judge, you're under arrest. -What?! -For lookin' too good. -(laughs) -CYRUS: Hello. What about me? -Do-do I get a plus-one? -Oh! Thank you. -Let me see, let me see. (muffled sneeze) -(Ross screaming) -Oh, that was a wet one. (engine idling) (giggling) (engine revving) ALL: Ooh...! (tires screeching) (all screaming) SHIRLEY: Almost there. -Don't rush me! -(horns honking) Deep breath, deep breath. (exhales) And we're back in the now. -Who's ready for trust falls? -I gotcha. -(low growling) -(muffled shouts) PIG (muffled): Help. (guitar playing gentle melody) # Mighty, Mighty Eagle # # Soaring free # # Defender of our homes # # And liberty # # Bravery! # -# Humility! # -(screams) -Whoa. # And honesty... # You must have grown up singing this song in school. Um... yeah. Yes, we did. Um, right. Yeah. # Mighty, Mighty Eagle # # Rescue me # Now you do the second verse. -Uh, I-I, uh... -Come on. -Me? -Yes. Do it. Uh... Do it. # Mighty, Mighty Eagle # # Flap your wings # Oh, yeah! # And fill up your big cave # # With all your fancy things # -That's it. -# Politeness # -# Good sportsmanship # -That's not me. -# And a long attention span # -What?! # Mighty, Mighty Eagle... # # Yeah! # # Take it away, Charles # # Oh, great heroic # # Mighty Eagle # # With finer plumage # -# Than us seagulls # -Oh, sing it! (high-pitched): # Oh... oh... # -# Oh, oh, oh... # -BOMB: # Um, ambidexterity # # Pottery # # And bankruptcy # Ouch. # Uh, Mighty, Mighty Eagle... # Harmonize. Harmonize. (harmonizing): # Rescue me.# (Chuck holding high note) (pitch wavering): # Eh... eh... # Wow. You know it better than me. -So anyway, the other day, -(Mighty Eagle grunting) these pigs showed up out of nowhere, and it caused me a great deal of suspicion... -(Mighty Eagle humming) -And he's walking out of the room. -(humming continues) -Unbelie... I don't get this. This guy sits here on his butt, all alone, clearly doesn't leave the house. He talks a good game, but he doesn't care about anyone but himself. Sounds a lot like you. Oh, good. Thank you for your opinion, Chuck. (Bomb chuckles) MIGHTY EAGLE: Hmm. Well, hello. RED: Hello? -Mighty Eagle? -What?! -What are you doing? -Uh, I'm bird-watching. What?! -(sighs) Take a peek. -Ah. RED: Oh, you're disgusting. Oh, yeah. Look, are you gonna help us or not? -I am helping you. -No, this is you helping. Looking through binoculars, spying on old ladies. Whoa-whoa. What is that? Wait. Whoa-whoa-whoa. Oh... my... (gasps) I was right. -I was ri... I knew it! -(snaps fingers) Bomb, Chuck, hurry up! Get out here! -Uh-oh. (gulps) -Mighty Eagle, hey, fly us down there now. -(wind whistling) No. -I'm sorry. What?! -I don't do that anymore. I'm retired. (quietly): Mostly just tired. Go handle it yourself. This is everything I've prepared you for. What? Prepared us for? Hold on, did I miss something? Let me just go through my notes really quick. Let's see-- crazy stuff, bragging, crazy stuff, karaoke-- no, see, I don't see anything useful here. -(slurps) -The whole world, everyone we know, is in danger. Yes, it is. So off you go. Hey, you know what? I used to believe in you. When I was a kid, I believed nothing really bad could ever happen because you were here. And now I see the fate of the world hangs on idiots like me. And that, sir... is sort of terrifying. -It's time for you to go. -You know, it's really upsetting to me that you're the only bird that can fly and you're too afraid to do it. (explosions in distance) -Huh? -Huh? -Hey, guys, come on, let's go. We're done here. He's no hero. So, um, I'm having a party next Tuesday. Could you just do, like, a little pop-in? -Come on. -(gasps) (explosion in distance) Hmm. Come on, run faster! -(whooshing) -(grunting) -Ow! Ow! -Ooh! -Oh! (grunting) -(explosion) -Come on, come on, come on, let's go! (dance music playing, crowd whooping) -(inhales deeply) -(chuckles) (high-pitched): I sentence you all to four hours of hard partyin'. (laughter) -Look out below! -(laughing) (gasping) -Ooh! -CHUCK: They're taking the eggs! -RED: Follow 'em! (panicked squealing) (explosions) Oh, man! (pigs laughing maniacally) PIG: Move it! Right on time. Egg-cellent! (laughing maniacally) Chuck, go shut that party down now! Me? But I only know how to get parties started! -Go! -On it. -Bomb, we got to stop 'em. -Yeah! (laughing) (grunting) Got to get more speed! (gasps, yells) It's Chuck time! PIG: Get to the ship! Move 'em out! (horn honks) -(laughing) -Catch! (dance music continues) Can everybody please stop partying?! There are eggs being stolen! (shrieks) Matilda, we need your help. -The pigs are stealing our eggs! -What?! -I'm airborne! -We have to get back to the village! (shouts) Stop dancing and start running! (gasps) Hors d'oeuvres. My weakness. -Come on, let's wrap it up. -(laughing) -We got to get the eggs off the ship! -BOMB: Yes! -LEONARD: Is everyone on board? -Let's go! -Use the trampolines! -(Bomb grunting) -Can you get up there? -(grunts) PIG: We've got intruders! -What the heck are they doing? -RED: Untie the ropes, -drop the eggs in the water. -LEONARD: Get rid of 'em! -(ship horn blowing) -Get him off of there! It's too strong. I can't break it. Ah! Bomb, blow up the chain. LEONARD: Knock 'em down! (pigs laughing) Come on, Bomb, you can do this. (grunting, panting) RED: Come on, Bomb, you got this! -Blow up! -You got to get me mad. OK, well, then what makes you mad? Try insulting me on a personal level. Um... oh, oh, uh, your poetry stinks! You're just a bad poet! And you know it! -(sobbing): I know! I know! -(hissing) -Hey, who wants a birdie bath? -(gasping) Mmm! (screaming) (both screaming) -(coughing) -I'm sorry, Red. I couldn't do it. Don't give up. This isn't over! LEONARD: Thanks for your hospitality! (laughter) Set sail for Piggy Island! (grunts) (both gasp) (screaming) (burbling fades) (INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT) VOICEOVER: Oh, he hasn't heard! Checked baggage is included to Aussie. Plus food and entertainment on your own device. As it should be. Book now at virginaustralia.com. * (sighs) (gasps) Oh, no! We'll find them. Oh. (sighs) (sobs): Oh. They're all gone. -(crying, sniffling) -Shh, shh. It's OK. (Bomb sniffles) (Chuck sighs) Mr. Red! What do we do now? Wait, hold on, you're asking me? You knew. You tried to tell us. But we didn't listen. I... didn't listen. Red, we need a leader. -What are we gonna do? -What do we do now? Wait a minute. I'm not a leader. OK, pigs stole our kids. That sucks. Made all you guys look like idiots. You know what we got to do? -We start replacing those kids. -(crowd gasps) Ladies, get busy! We're gonna be laying some eggs tonight! No, no, stop. No, no, no, no. No. We're not gonna replace those kids. We're gonna get them back. How are we gonna do that? What do you mean, how? The pigs already showed us how. That is where they went! And so that is where we're going! But how do we get from here to there? I am not aquatic in the least. Well, uh, you know, uh... we're gonna build our own boat. -(crowd murmurs) -Huh? What are you talking about? They stole your kids... No. They stole our kids. I mean, who does that? Have you ever stolen anyone's children? Huh? Have you? I mean, you look like you would. And you know what? I'm a little bit angry. -Correction ` I'm really angry. -(crowd murmuring) -And I don't think I'm the only one. -Huh. Come on, we're birds! We're descended from dinosaurs. -(excited chatter) -We're not supposed to be nice! Right? (roaring loudly) (squeaks) Uh, yeah. Point... point made. Who else here is angry? -CROWD: I am! -Yeah, you are. We're getting our kids back. And I don't need any calm, -detached, happy birds. -OTHERS: No! Not gonna help us. Don't need it. I need some angry flockin' birds! -(crowd cheering) -You hear me? Now, who's angry? -(clamoring) -Yeah! Yeah! Let's go! Bring me everything that floats. Yeah, yeah, that's perfect. Yeah. (growls menacingly) (growls approvingly) (howling, yelling) RED: With every single feather of my being, I am not gonna let any of these eggs get taken from their parents. (growling) (screaming) (blows raspberry) (groans) Chuck, I need you to tie those crates together. You got it! -(cheering) -Done and done. -A little help here? -Let's go! Move it, everybody! (shouting) HAL: Push with your upper body. BUBBLES: I have no upper body! Darn good for a bunch of birds. (cheering, whooping) # 'Cause I'm on top of the world, 'ay # -# I'm on top of the world... #-All right! When I say 'eat the,' you say 'eggs'! -Eat the! -Eggs! Wow! What a reception! -All right, snouts up! -(whoops) (pigs laughing) Man, it's a snout staircase! Who thinks of that? -(fanfare plays) -ANNOUNCER PIG: Welcome home, King Mudbeard! (crowd cheering) My father and my father's father and my weird Aunt Chloe have all searched for the eggs. -But only I... -(grunts) -King Mudbeard... -My pom-pom! -...have found them. -We love you, Leonard! I present to you the eggs! -(crowd cheering) -(laughs, screams) EARL: Oh, man! Say good-bye to Harvey! -A feast! -(crowd gasps) I proclaim a feast two nights hence! (crowd cheering) LEONARD: Let's go make some omelettes! (laughing) BOMB: Oh, I feel a little nervous inside, but that's normal, right? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. (ship creaking) Uh, anybody else got butterflies in the stomach? -Yeah. -(sputters) RED: Probably because you ate too many caterpillars. Hmm... hmm. Drop your nuts and move your butts! -Come on, let's go! -(clamoring) (yelling) CHUCK: Oh, no. STELLA: I wasn't expecting this. RED: Hold on a second. That guy's the king? He's got to have the eggs with him -in the castle. -What the heck's a castle? -And that's where we're going. -Hey, guys, do you remember everything you learned in my class? -Yep. -Nope. -What class? Well, forget all of it for now. Now it's time to let loose. Oh, good, because I never learned anything anyway. Oh, me, neither. I actually just came to socialize. I came for the snacks. You don't happen to have any now, do you? Oh, deep breath, deep breath, (deep voice): deep breath! How are we gonna get over those walls? Uh... I'll tell you how. We're gonna fly. Remember, the goal is the castle. Get to the castle! Who wants to go first? -Over here! Me! Me! Me! -I do! Hey! All right, Matilda! Aw. Always a bridesmaid. Step right up, keep your wings, legs and feet -inside the slingshot at all times. -Shoot it! Okey-doke. Fire! (screaming) (chuckling) And a-one and a-- Whoa! -Take that, porkers! -EARL: Incoming! -MATILDA: Boom, baby, boom! -(pigs screaming) Well, how about that? My teacher can shoot fireballs out of her butt. You! What's your name? Hal? I've seen you do something strange before, right? -Well, let's see, I'm really good at... -Doesn't matter. -Launch him. -(Hal screaming) Oh, this guy looks good. CHUCK: He's gonna make it! (babbling) This is incredible. We're witnessing history right now. RED: Nope. He's coming back. He's coming-- Duck. Get down. (screaming) Uh, did we win? Uh, no, not quite yet, buddy. Uh, we're still tied. Hey, can we get an ice pack for Hal? -Medic! -All right, who's up next? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What can you do? (sneezes) (groans, shudders) Yuck! BOMB: Uh, need a tissue? (screaming) (squeaking) Who's next? We need fliers, not stand-byers! Let's go! You go out there and you show them -how frightening mimes can be. -Yeah! Oh, my God...! # We're having a feast, we're eating the eggs # -(Mime Bird screaming) -# Gonna have a big feast # # We're gonna eat all the eggs. # Huh? What?! -LEONARD: What is that? -(gasps, grunts) Fire! That guy again. Eh! LEONARD (over speakers): Citizens of Pig Island, -(grunting, screaming) -if you spot any birds destroying your neighbourhood, please, -capture them. -What did he say? There's been a change of plans. We will eat the eggs for lunch! -Did he say 'eat the eggs'? -(retches) (distant screaming) Hmm. Mm. (grunting softly) OK, I want you to curl up into a little ball. All right? Make yourself aerodynamic. Like this? (inhales) -To the left! To the left! -Let me at 'em! Launch! (yelling) Don't mess with Bubbles! -Get him! -Piggy pile! -Hog-tie him! -(squeak) I told you not to mess with me! Wow. That blows. Uh, in a good way. -CHUCK: To the left! -Oh, hold on, wait. My left or your left? (groans) My left is your left. We are facing the same direction. Right. Good call. Just look where the last bird went and adjust from there. I got this, you guys! All right. (yelling) -(grunts) -(pig screams) (grunting) (distorted shout) STELLA: Hi-yah! (pigs screaming) (coughs) (pigs gasping) She got far, but not far enough. -Uh-oh. -Get out of our town! We have to get closer. Judge power...! (yelling) -Mm. -Trial by fire! No, literally, he's on fire right now. Can somebody please help him? # Gotta make you understand # # Never gonna give you up # -# Never gonna let you down # -(grunting) # Never gonna run around # -# And desert you # -Mighty Eagle! -# Never gonna make you cry # -(grunting) # Never gonna say good-bye # # Never gonna tell a lie # -# And hurt you... # -(screaming) Terence! I got an idea. Do you think you can pull the slingshot back far enough -to hit that giant boulder? -(Terence grumbles) OK. Launch me right towards the top of that thing. (low grumbling) Ready? Red, I'm not gonna lie to you. I am... (sobbing): really gonna miss you when you die. Rest in peace, my friend. Rest in peace. Hey, guys, let's not get cheesy, OK? Ready? Fire! (screaming) (growls) This is gonna hurt. (grunts) -(Red yelling) -What was that? Huh? My roof! Did he make it? I hope he's OK. I'm in! Yeah! I knew he'd make it! (cheering) Send everyone else! Guards! There is a red bird in these walls. -(guards grunting) -Bring him to me. -Aye, aye, sir. -Roger that, boss. (frustrated grunt) Not in these walls. In the castle! Come on, you guys. Here, pretty bird. Here, pretty bird. (strained grunting) Whew. Transport the eggs! ALL (chanting): Trot, trot, trot, trot, trot... (chanting continues) Launch me exactly the same way you did for Red...! I wasn't ready! (screams) Faster! (distorted yell) (gulps) (grunting) (swords clanging) -(exhausted sigh) -Chuck! Is that you? (sobbing): This is the house of horrors! I got to be honest-- you look a little, um... Fine. You look fine. Come on. Bomb's on his way. (ululating) -Ouchie! -(chuckles) (grunts) Hah! Call in the Piggy Air Force! (alarm blaring) LEONARD (over speakers): My loyal subjects, the treacherous birds have repaid our friendship with an unprovoked act of aggression. The attack will fail. We have glass, we have wood, we have TNT. We tried to kill them with kindness, and now we're just gonna have to... well, you know. Who's gonna go next? (low growling) MALE BIRD: Aim for that ramp! BIRDS (chanting): Terence! Terence! Terence! -(slingshot creaking) -(chanting continues) (Terence grunting) (grunts) (gasps) * CHUCK: No eggs in here. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Hey! Whoa! I'm on this. BOTH: Redrum. Uh... never mind. -(engine sputtering) -Oh, no! Backup engines! (whooping) Whoa-whoa-whoa, wait, hold on a second. Wait, I know that rear end. That's Bomb! Yeah, uh, Chuck, that's not his rear end, that's his face, man. -Sorry, Bomb. -No prob. Easy mistake to make. -Thanks for getting me out. -(muffled grunts) PIGS (chanting): We want eggs! We want eggs! We want eggs! We want eggs! We want eggs! (laughter) He was sick, but then he got cured. Ha-ha! Cured. 'No eggs in...' (gasps) Ooh, these are clever pigs. OK, look, I'm gonna run up and tackle the pig on the left. Bomb, you could handle two. Chuck, I don't know if you can help. We got to figure out a way to get into that -(distorted): roo... -(chuckles) ...oo... ...oom. Anyone have any bright ideas? (grunting) -Huh? -Huh? Uh... Wha...? You are gonna pay for that! (screaming) What the heck just happened? Oh, I'm sorry. You were saying? And here we... are? BOMB: We found 'em! Uh-oh. Aw, come on! (grunting) (gasps) -BOMB: Red! -Guys, come on! Quick, follow him! PIGS (chanting): We want eggs! Things are looking sunny side up! (laughing) Guys, I'm here. Everything's gonna be OK. We're gonna get you out of here. -Hurry up, Bomb! Come on! -I'm coming! RED: Don't lose me! -Doesn't this nightmare ever end? -RED: Oh, boy! -We want eggs! We want eggs! -LEONARD: What is he doing up there? This is a civilized buffet! -(strained grunt) -(yells) (grunting) Huh? Whoa! (grunts) (gasps) Don't hatch now. Do not hatch now. -Get that red scab off my eggs! -Hey! Oh, man. -Bomb, are you OK? -Oh, I've been better. PIGS: We want eggs! -Hmm... -We want eggs! I'm gonna get a running start! (high-pitched grunt) Chuck time! Oh. LEONARD: Fine. Boil him, too. -Let's pig out! -(click, buzz) Looks like it's just you and me, pork belly! I'll be taking that! -RED: Whoa-whoa! Ho-whoa-whoa! -(screaming) -(pants, grunts) -(click) (buzz) Hey! Oh! No! (muffled shouts) (strained): Red, we're coming! Deep breath. (inhales) (popping) Ow! I'm in! Classy joint. MIGHTY EAGLE: Hello! Where is everyone?! Mighty Eagle! Where's he going? Oh, I can't believe I'm about to do this. (high-pitched): Hi-yoo-hah...! Oh, my battle cry? (battle cry continues) Coming in, coming in. MIGHTY EAGLE: Mighty Eagle! (gasping) (slowed, distorted roaring) Whoa...! Whoa! (clattering, clamouring) Whoa! Whoa! Oh-ho! (grunting) -(pigs yelling) -(gong clangs) Mi-Mighty Eagle! Mighty Eagle, wake up! Come on. Oh, that's bad breath. I can sleep late, Mom. It's not a school day. LEONARD: Throw them in the pot, too. I'll have the big turkey. (Chuck grunting) Red! -Wha...?! -Hey! -Whoa-ho! What did I miss? -You gotta fly those eggs to safety. I got this. Here we go! (grunting) Oh-ho! Whoa, oh! Yes! Yes! Yes! (pigs shouting excitedly) My eggs! Don't forget Chuck and Bomb! -Who? -BOMB: Hey! -RED: Those guys! MIGHTY EAGLE: Right, right. -(grunting) -LEONARD: Gotcha! (strained grunting) (screaming) (strained grunting) (ropes creaking) You're not getting away that easy. ALL (grunting): Uh! Ooh! Aah! Oh! Aah! No! (gasps) (cracking) Save yourselves! Hold on, Red! I'm gonna save that egg! -CHUCK: Red, don't be a hero! -(yells) -CHUCK: Red, no! -No! (grunting, yelling) (pants) Huh? BIRD: Get out of town, everybody! -Whoa! -Get down! CHUCK: There's just so many of them! We're outnumbered! What?! How many? CHUCK: Oh, no, not that many. Just the right amount, really. No need to look back. Just keep flying. -Faster! -(gasping) -I'll take that. -RED: No, you won't! -Get him! -RED: Gimme that! -(grunts) Ow! Ow! Ow! -(panting) -LEONARD: You just don't know when to stop, do ya? Here's a two-word answer: Uh-uh. LEONARD: Looks like your little slingshot game -ends here. -(pig cackles) -Gimme that! -Not gonna happen! -(creaking, crackling) -(gasps) Oh, no. (pigs yelling) LEONARD: Get out of my way! (yelling, grunting) PIG: Every pig for themselves! PIG 2: I quit! Whoa! Whoa! -Whoo! -Whoa...! I know what I gotta do. I gotta blow up that ramp. And that would be a good plan, if you were good at blowing up. I need to stop those planes! Remember me, Chuck. Remember me! Bomb's away! (thumping) (yelling) (grunts) (gasps) -(pig squealing) -MATILDA: Oh, hi there. PIG: Here, chickie, chickie, chickie. This little piggy popped! This little piggy exploded! And this little piggy went, 'Wee, wee, wee, I want my mama!' (in distance): Whoa-ho-ho-ho! (chuckles) Come on, Bomb, you can do this! Blow up! Blow up! Uh-oh. (cackling laughter) Oh, no. Think explosive thoughts. (grunts) Surprise parties! Yoga poses! (cackling) Pigs in airplanes! (yelling) BOMB: I blew up! On purpose! (Mighty Eagle panting) You're wrecking my house! What's wrong with you! You wrecked my house. Your house was ugly! Well, now we're even. (grunting, yelling) PIG: Aw. (pig grunting) Strike! (both yelling) Run! Run! Guys, look out! MATILDA: Everyone, stand back. -(whimpering) -(electronic blipping) (growls) Terence? MATILDA: Put on your seat belts, everyone. Trust me. (tires screeching) -(tires squeal) -(pigs panting) (groans) Well... this is dynamite. Hmm. (gasps) There you are! -Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin! -(grunts) -(Leonard cackles) -Oh! (grunting) Delicious bird eggy-weggy. Ooh. You can't eat eggs! What are you gonna do? I'm a foodie. (creaking) LEONARD: It's over. You're finished, Eyebrows. (cackling) CLASSMATE (voice-over): Eyebrows! CHUCK (singsongy): Someone has anger issues... (grumbling) PECKINPAH (voice-over): Anger is not always the answer! (exhales) Well, you know what? I guess you win. What? That was an awesome plan. Mindblower. (imitates explosion, chuckles) (chuckles): Really? Well, thank you. You know, a lot of hard work goes into my sinister plans. I-It does. (Leonard chuckling) Nah, I mean, your plan was great. But you didn't plan for this! -(grunts) -(Leonard gasps) (grunting) (grunting) (yells) (panting, grunting) (grunting, panting) You have annoyed me for the last time. Yup. Aah! No! (grunting) -CHUCK: Faster! -Whoa...! (panicked screams) ## (yelling) (strained grunting) MIGHTY EAGLE: Cramp. Cramp. -(grunting) -FEMALE BIRD: It's him! -Look at that! -Are you seeing what I'm seeing? -Geez, is that Mighty Eagle? -It's him! Wow, this guy looks nothing like his statue. -Honey. -(gasps) Our eggs! -Are you OK? -Chuck, my man. -Did you see what I did back there? (chuckles) -Yeah. Ooh... this egg is the spittin' image of you. -There. Safe and sound. -(mother bird gasps softly) Oh... (sobs) -(explosion in distance) -Oh! -(gasps) Where is he? -Red? -(birds gasp, murmur) -FEMALE BIRD: Where is he? (yawns, groans) Oh! CHUCK: I think he might be dead. -(Bomb sobs) -(sniffling) (Chuck sighs, cries) (creaks, clunks) (coughing) -Daddy! -(mother bird gasps) -CHUCK: He's alive! -(happy shouts) He's alive! -(others cheering, whistling) -(groans softly) (cheering, whistling stop) -(soft gasp) -MIGHTY EAGLE: What? (baby bird squeaks) (birds squeaking) (crowd cheering) -Yeah-heh-heh! Ha-ha! -Oh-ho! Red, you're alive! I thought you had died! Or defected to the pigs' side! Hey, buddy, way to not be dead. Hey. It's good to see you guys. Come on. -(cheering) -(Terence laughing) (cheering, hooting) (Peckinpah grunts) RED: Sir. Ma'am. (both gasp) -I think these belong to you. -(baby birds squeaking) Oh. (laughs) (all giggle) (baby birds squeaking) (crying): Thank you. (Olive laughs) Oh, Crimson, Woody, Ash. -Who? -Is he talking to us? You learned your lessons well. Come on, bring it in! -(grunting) -No. I'm not really the affectionate type. (muffled grunting) RED: OK. Does it feel like this is crossing the line -to anyone else? -Yup. Nope. -(all exhale) -You're my prize pupils. Your prized what? Ho-ho, don't you see? I had to make you lose faith in me so you could learn to have faith in yourself. -That's really not how it felt. -Tell them, Rosy. -Yeah, I don't think that's what happened, man. -Oh, look, he's blushing! (wry laugh) I'm not blushing. I'm just red. -(crowd cheering) -(Mighty Eagle laughing) MIGHTY EAGLE: OK, who wants an autograph? (chuckles) (indistinct chatter) (young birds laughing) -FEMALE BIRD: Oh...! -MALE BIRD: Hoist it up! -Nice! -(young bird giggles) Hmm...? (sadly): Hmm... -(female birds squealing) -(laughing) Grand reopening! Get your worms! (grumbles) PECKINPAH: Well done, indeed! Wow! Is that you right there, Red? Ah, really? Where? No. They didn't have to do... Oh. Yeah. That's funny, I don't remember crying on my knees like that. But, you know, it's nice. CHUCK: Look at that. They gave Mighty Eagle all the credit. They made him look... so much more handsome than you. -Mm-hmm. -You know, back when I was angry, that would have really ticked me off. -Eh, forget about that. -Ooh! You know what we should do? Let's go to the village. -Let's do it. -RED: No, actually, I'd-I'd love to go hang out with you guys, but, you know, I got this thing, and I have another thing after that thing, and there's -all these things in a row, so... -Would you look at that! What the...? (Chuck squeals, gasps) Mr. Red, welcome back... to the village. (cheering, whistling) (Bomb sighs) (Matilda laughs) Mmm! # Ta-da! # (crowd coos affectionately) RED: Huh? # Mighty, Mighty Red # # You rescued me # # Defender of # # Our homes and liberty # # Bravery # # Humility # # Anger-y # # Mighty, Mighty Red # # You... # # Rescued me... # # Eee, eee... # # La, la, la, la # # La # # La, la # # La, la, la, la # # La, la, la # (Terence joins in): # La, la, la, la... # (holding last note alone) (grumbles) Oh, my God. (deep chuckling) MATILDA: Mmm. Hm? Ah... -Mmm... -Mmm... -How did you guys find the time to pull this off? -Oh-ho-ho. This is why we went to go get pedicures, isn't it? Nope. We got pedicures because we're worth it. -I got gels. -You guys are something else. To be honest with you, I am gonna miss the beach view. Ah, but so what? It's still there, it's just not... right there when I wake up and look out my window. Well, you can still look out your window -and see me and Bomb. -Mm-hmm. Right. So, you know, plusses and minuses. OK. See you later. Oh. Well, this just got awkward. That's really insensitive. Want to go get a bite? -Forget it. Let's just go home. -Mmm. Guys! I'm just messin' with you. Get in here! (Bomb and Chuck gasp, laugh) -BOMB: I knew it! -CHUCK: Let's be roomies. BOMB: Roommates! Oh, I can't wait to make a chores list! -RED: Wait, hold on a second. -CHUCK: I'll move my nest in the master bedroom. Bomb, you can stay in the guest house. RED: What? No, no, no, no, no, no... BOMB: Oh, can we get a bunk nest? -CHUCK: Oh, this is gonna be perfect! -RED: Whoa-whoa-whoa! -RED: Guys! No! -(Bomb laughing) (whoops) -(Mighty Eagle chuckles) -(needle scratches) # ...and how to get along # # And so you're back # -Oh, yeah. -# From outer space # -Groovin' out. -# I just walked in to find you here # -Watch this. -# With that sad look # -Comin' right at you. -# Upon your face # -Oh, yeah. # I should've changed that stupid lock # # I should have made you leave your key # # If I'd have known for just one second # # You'd be back to bother me # # Go on, now, go # # Walk out the door # # Just turn around now # # 'Cause you're not welcome anymore # -# Weren't you the one who tried # -(muffled grunt) # To hurt me with good-bye, did you think I'd crumble? # # Did you think I'd lay down and die? # -# Oh, no, not I # -# Mm-hmm, mm-hmm # -# I will survive # -Whoo! -# Oh, as long as I know how to live # -(laughing) -# I know I'll stay alive # -TERENCE: Mmm... -# I've got all my life to live # -(whooping) # And I've got all my love to give # -# I will survive # -Whoo-hoo-hoo! -# I will survive # -Whoa. Whoa. -# Go on, now, go # -(grunts) Yeah! Whoa! -# Walk out the door # -(laughs) # Just turn around now # # 'Cause you're not welcome anymore # # Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with good-bye # -# Did you think I'd crumble? # -Oh... Wah-hoo! # Did you think I'd lay down and die? # # Oh, no, not I # -# I will survive # -(laughter) (laughing, whooping) ROSS: Come on, Leonard. Leonard can't dance. -He's hatching a new plan. -Ah. -(devious laughing) -Yeah! # I will survive! # # Yeah, yeah! # OK, maybe I'll dance for just a sec. (laughing) (laughing, whooping) Whoo! Show 'em what you got, Red. -Ba-boom! Come on, Red Stuff. -No. -Yeah, yeah. -Nice try. -(gasps) Hmm? Uh... oh. -OK. Mm-hmm. (song continues) Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Www.able.co.nz Able 2019 (song ends) OLIVE: There you go. (feet screech) (grunting) (grunting) -Ooh. -Wait. What are we doing? (grunting) (all gasp) BABY BIRD: Watch out! (panting) -(thump) -Ow! (gasping with awe) (creaking) ALL: Mmm! (whooshing)