Split up. (SIREN CHIRPS) What's in the bag? Nothing of any importance to you. There is no robbery. You were found with the tools to commit the crime in your possession. I'm a locksmith. (CHILDREN SHOUTING) Oh, God, this is way more intense than the twins. Funny old world ` your wife and your ex having babies, pretty much on the same day. One of whom has nothing to do with me. If you wanna rob the place, go for your life. You think this is wise, inviting the woman at the job to our after-job function? Yeah, and giving her the address of our secret hideout. Who are these little pricks stealing from me? Come on. Someone must know who they are. The fuck are you doing here? Nice to see you too, love. You know what I mean. It's against the code. I know the code, Ted. Do you think I'd be here if it wasn't important? What's happened? It's our home. It's overrun, and... I'm not handling it. (BABY CRIES, CHILDREN YELL) Where's that wooden spoon? Ya broke it on Van's arse this morning. Well, we need another one. I need a wee-wee. I need a wee-wee. I said no, Van` Jethro` whichever you are. Just hold on. Or, even better, go outside. (LIQUID SPLASHES) The princess sleeps better when she's rocked in her pram, and there's not enough room in our room. It's cool if we swap for a bit? No. It's not fuckin' cool. I hope you told him that. I didn't want to wake the godforsaken child. The lungs on it. If he wants to keep knocking Slutty Pants up, he can do it in his own damn bedroom. Please no. No more. She needs to get her tubes tied. So, where did you sleep? The bloody cheek of it. Who do they think they are? Well, in your absence, Wolf thinks he's the man of the house. Well, you tell them to have some respect, and if they don't like it, they can fuck right off. I'll bloody tell them myself, when I get the fuck out of here. It won't be long now. If the Porky Pigs think that after everything I've done, all of my achievements, I'm gonna be taken out by a bag of tools, they can think again. See you when I see you, Ted. Won't be long now, love. The real man of the house will be back before you know it. Uh, any chance of a hand shandy before you go? (SCOFFS) No, thought not. (CHUCKLES) (ROCK MUSIC) (SHOUTS) Hey, why is Phineas parked down there? Eh? Parked car, dark glasses, trying not to look conspicuous. Hey, Rita. Fancy seeing you here. What are you doing, Phineas? Oh, just, uh` just passing. If you were just passing, your car would actually be moving. Yeah. So not passing ` spying. No, I'm waiting. Well, if you're waiting for Carol, you'll be waiting a while, because she's in Club Med with Brian and the kids. Carol's in Club Med? Yeah, so, you know, move along. Well, it's not actually Carol I'm waiting for. It's Wolf. Why? Which Club Med? Eh? Carol and I always talked about going there ` that or a cruise ship. Why are you waiting for Wolf? I need to tell him something. It's my boss. Wolf and them have pissed him off. Who are you working for? I can't say. Well, how's Wolf supposed to know who he's pissed off, then? Just` Just tell him to find a different patch. Patch of what? Just tell him for his own good. Oh, for fuck's sake, Phineas. He'll be back later. Tell him yourself. Rita. What? Ya backside. What? You've got something on it. Vroom, vroom. I want that. Do ya have to do that in here? What? Showing your tit to all and sundry? It's disgusting. I haven't shown my tit to all and sundry since I downed a hip flask of Southern Comfort at Mandy's 13th birthday party. Where's Wolf? Gang meeting. Is that so? Hey, someone's gotta bring home the bacon, right? (PUNK MUSIC, CHILDREN SCREAM) Is Wolf here? Huh? Is Wolf here?! Sorry? Wanna see some pictures of my nephew, Brandon? Eh? My nephew, Brandon. Turn this bloody music down. Sorry, Mrs Rita, I can't hear` No, no, no! (SEX SOUNDS FROM NEIGHBOURING ROOM) Oh, good God. Is that...? It's Eric. And his lady friend. WOMAN: Yeah, fuck me! Fuck me hard! ERIC: Oh, yeah! Yeah! Lady, you say? Jesus Christ. Is Wolf here or not? You just missed him. Wonderful. (SEX SOUNDS CONTINUE LOUDLY) This is the disadvantage of living in a house with no real walls. ERIC: Oh, oh. Sounds like he's finished. Eric! What? Mrs Rita's visiting. Oh, right, yeah. OK, yes. This one's Brandon having dinner. Hey. Uh, Rita, this is Krystle. Krystle, Rita. Hi. Make yourself scarce, love. I need to chat with these boys. Yeah. Off you go. Off you go, Krystle. See you later. (EXHALES) Well, you just missed Wolfie. He was here, but his ball-and-chain phoned, and` Who have you boys pissed off? Is it you? No, not me ` yet. But Phineas was around, going on about some person he's working for. Just think. Is there any job, anything you've done lately... We don't know. Don't know? Or don't wanna tell me? We don't wanna tell you. Yeah. Wolf might kick us in the nuts if we do. I'm his bloody mother. Ted and I taught him everything he knows. Even so, we'll let Wolf decide if he wants to tell you or not. (CHILDREN SQUEAL) Ugh, sorry about the change of venue. Bloody Cheryl forgot she had to go out. (GRUNTS) She can't take the twins out as well as Pascalle. Yeah, whatever. It's cool Let's talk about this Avondale job, then. So... here's the street. Now, it's a dead end, but this factory opposite does shift work, so there's a lot of blokes coming and going. Uh-huh. Luckily, there's a way to get in from the neighbouring warehouse, which we access from the main road. Jump the fence ` it's just a wire thing ` and then` Hold on. There a problem? Yeah, it's the bloody kids. They've gone quiet, and that's never good. Oi, you two. What are you doing? We're hiding. Just don't bloody touch anything. They're in Mum and Dad's room. Great. So` (CROCKERY BREAKS, CHILDREN SCREAM AND CRY) I said don't bloody touch anything. Who did this? (CHILDREN SHOUT) Stop fuckin' around or you'll both get a hiding. Sorry. Where's ya missus? Isn't this her job? I told you, she had to take the baby to Plunket. Look, it's not easy having kids. This stuff is a piece of piss in comparison. Yeah, well, this isn't exactly working for me. Fair enough. We should try when Cheryl gets back. Pub? Only if you want the job. (CHILDREN SCREAM) Afternoon, ladies. Thanks for coming. Oh, it's a pleasure, as always. Any word on when Ted goes to court? No, they're just screwing with us now. Yeah, it doesn't even make sense, eh? It wasn't even a crime. We didn't even get nothing. Doesn't matter to your bitch of an ex. Thank goodness those days are behind us, I say. Lefty and me. Oh, we're moving on. The stock market's where it's at. As if you know anything about the stock market. And yet here I am, living the high life. The 'high life', flogging second-hand goods? Oh, no, I don't do this for the money. It's the pleasant company. Anyway, I need you to pay Phineas a visit. Well, how come? He was hanging around outside my house this morning. Stalking Carol. Spying on Carol. No, not this time. Talking nonsense about Wolf and the boys. Yeah? Apparently he's got some kinda new job he's working for someone. Yeah, I heard. Do you know who he's working for? Well, he's pretty secretive about his new life. What new life? Well, I don't know, do I? Because of all the secretiveness. Well, then, you need to go around there and find out this bloody secret. If Wolf's in trouble, I need to know about it. Got it? Yep. Got it. (BABY CRIES) Thanks a lot. See you next time. Anne-Marie, hi. Oh. Hi, Cheryl. How's it going? Doing the right things, apparently. Oh, he's really cute. But then I already knew that. Sparky's got, like, a million photos. Yeah, I've tried to stop him. How's your little girl? Pretty amazing compared to the twins. God, it must be so easy just having one, you know? Uh, not that I'm saying it's a breeze or anything. I just meant compared` Twins. Yeah, I know. I think Wolf's wanted to leg it a times. (LAUGHS) You'd better get in there, eh? We should have a drink or something, compare notes. Yeah. That'd be wicked. See ya. ( HERBS' 'SENSITIVE TO A SMILE' PLAYS) Here, mate. Cheers. So, you heard about Carol? Nah. That bastard took her to Club Med. Wow. Fuckin' prick. I feel like going around there and kicking his arse inside out. I would, too, if he wasn't the second-deadliest man in West Auckland. Oh, that's not why you're hanging outside Rita's and Ted's, is it? Don't do that any more. That's good, mate. That's good. Yeah. I've turned my life around. And this job you were talking about. Yeah. Well, who's that for again? All I can say is I'm working for The Man. What, the fucking cops? Nah, the cops ain't The Man. Yes, they are, mate. Come on. You know, the government. The government's The Man? Yeah, that's what you say when you're working for the government. You say, 'I'm working for The Man.' Well, you wouldn't say that in England, cos of Maggie Thatcher. Yeah, listen, mate. Rita's all in a tizz and she wants to know what's going on. Wolf and them robbed my boss. The Man? Yeah. So he sent you to deliver a message? Nah. He doesn't know it was Wolf and them. I delivered the message myself because Ted's my mate. Right. So, this man ` he's a hard man? Real hard. So why are you working for him? Pays me good coin. Saving it all. I'm gonna buy Carol back. Fuck Club Med. I'll take her to Disneyland. (BABY CRIES) Great, you're here. I'm late for a meeting. No, thank you. I'm having a gin and a fag. Where's your wife? She's in the shower, since princess here spewed up her whole feed all over her. Cheryl was soaked. And my carpet? Come on, Mum. I've gotta get to this meeting. With who? Since when does it matter? I like to know what you're up to. Electronics, warehouses. Good money. Since when does it matter? What warehouses? We've got a guy we're stealing an order for. He gets us in. A guy? Allen Markham. The paperboy? Used to deliver the Western Leader? He's got some great leads. OK. So what does Phineas have to do with it? Phineas? No idea. Hey, Rita. Sorry, but the boys have scribbled all over the wallpaper and the` What? Sorry, I've got to get to this meeting. You guys are good, yeah? Wolf, no` (CHILD SHOUTS) only what matters. There's Blondie over there, checking me out. Think she is. Did Wolf say he was gonna be long? Oh, I told you this hairdo was a spunk magnet. Business at the front, party at the back. It's not the hairdo. It's because you have a girlfriend now. What girlfriend? Krystle. No, she's not a girlfriend. She's just a notch in the old bedpost. So, in other words, a girlfriend. So you no longer exude sleaziness and desperation. Should I invite her over? We're having a meeting. MOUTHS: We're having a meeting. Thank you, love. Oh, it's an epidemic of Eric. Wolf. About time. Yeah, sorry. Let's get on with this thing. Warehouse, Avondale. You're gonna need a truck. I like the sound of this already. Phineas is pretty secretive, but he's working for someone important. Right. And he did let on his boss is a real piece of work, so... Wolf needs to find someone else to fuck with, is my call. (CHILDREN SHOUT DISTANTLY) Nothing's the same as it was, eh? That's life, Bert. It's gonna be the year 2000 soon. In, like, 13 years. Yeah, but still. Phin was gutted to hear about Ted being inside. Nothing we're not used to. Yeah, but, I dunno, at our age` Jesus. We're not over the fuckin' hill just yet, Bert. Ted's probably enjoying the holiday. It's a damn sight more peaceful than around here. Yeah. True. (CHILDREN, CHERYL YELL DISTANTLY) Oh, I guess I better get going then, eh. (CHERYL SHOUTS) Bye, Rita. (CHILD SCREAMS) Back to bed. Last time. (LAUGHS, SQUEALS) Just shut the bloody door. Just like picking up that baby every time she makes a noise. You're meant to leave them to cry. She's a little girl. She doesn't get left to cry. Well, you're making a rod for your own back. Mm, I saw Sparky's sister at Plunket today. Mm. How is the lovely Anne-Marie? She's OK. I said we should get together sometime. Cool. The meeting was pretty good today. The meeting with the paperboy. Allen's leads are primo. I'm not just wasting my time with shit jobs. All right, just as long as you're remembering` Oh, the Family West Code? MOCKINGLY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No stealing on a full moon. (MOANS SPOOKILY) Because of the moonlight. You know, some of our rules are there for practical reasons, you little shit. Oh, for fuck's sake, Slutty Pants, put your tit away at the dinner table. You think I can stomach my corned beef with that in my face? (LIGHT CHUCKLING) Fuck's sake. Another fun night at Chez West? Put a sock in it, Ngaire. You know what you need? My husband off remand? You need to let your hair down. Come out with me and Lefty. We'll go to VBG or Metropole. I dunno where you're talking about. Parnell, and then into town ` Club 21? What's wrong with somewhere local? We'll drink champagne, and we'll say screw you to the young people and their babies. Thanks, but no thanks. I can say screw you to the young people at home. Well, if you change your mind. Cos your frown lines are getting very pronounced. (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS) Who's your friend? His name's Tubby Bear. It's for his nephew, Brandon. Yeah. Wanna see a picture? I've had more developed. No thanks. I got children of my own. I don't wanna see any pictures. Now can we get on with this meeting? Yep. Love, come run along. Why? We've got business. You can talk with Eric later. Yeah. Off you go. Go on. Off you go, Krystle. (SIGHS) OK. This is about sourcing the equipment before the job. Allen's given me a list of what we need. You know, I'm a bit sick of Krystle. Yeah, I'm gonna tell her it's off. Oh, thank the good Lord for that. Don't you like her, Falani? She is very vocal. Yeah, she goes off like a rocket, eh? Can we get on with this shit? I've just gotta play the field, you know? You don't go to the smorgasbord and just get the glazed ham, do you, you know? You take a little bit of everything. The equipment. For the fuckin' job? Oh, hi. Back again? I was still putting on my shoes. Oh. Are you sick of me? Oh, look, darling, it's not you. It's me, and all of the other women in the world. You're cheating on me? No, no, not yet. No, there's` Look, there's just a lot of women out there who want me, and I'm just` I'm not a man who says no. (SOBS) So, yeah. Yep, that's that, then. What? If it's any consolation, you can do much better than Eric. Don't hit on my ex-girlfriend, Sparky. I fucking hate your guts, Eric. (SNIGGERS) Sorry, doll. Lion's gotta roar. (SOBS) Finally. Amazing. Yes, amazing. A woman cried over Eric. Well, what can I say, boys? I'm a gift to the women of the world. (FUNKY MUSIC) (DOOR SHUTS) Dad. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. What for, sweet pea? I should have fought them harder ` the robbers. You've got nothing to be regretful about, Krystle. There was a whole gang of them. It's just that I can't stop thinking about it. Do you want to see the doctor again? No. No. But I have remembered a few things about the whole nightmare. What kind of things? One of them was called Eric. You sure? Yep. That one. They called him Eric, and the boss one ` they called him Wolf West. And you didn't remember any of this until now? I was in shock. It just started coming back, like I said. Anything else coming back to you, sweetheart? They also mentioned that they lived in a converted warehouse in Henderson. And they said all of this in front of you? I think they thought I was stupid. They were all like, 'Yay, now we'll go back to our warehouse to party'. I mean, they even mentioned the address because one of them had forgotten it or something. I'm just really sorry that I didn't remember any of this sooner. Oh, it's OK, sweetheart. It'll all be OK. Eh? Now, we'll take it from here. Thanks, Dad. This is starting to get ridiculous, Minty ` him sitting on remand. Just do your job. (DOOR SHUTS) Ted West does not do time for carrying a bloody bag of tools. It'll be thrown outta court. (SIGHS) Yeah, I know. It's just a pain in the arse. Can someone help me wind her? I'm useless. Has she had some gripe water? Uh... Leave her with me. Take those boys and have a run around the park, eh? Why? Cos their eyes will go square watching TV all day. I think what Cheryl means is why are you offering to babysit? I'm a grandmother. Isn't that what grandmothers are supposed to do? Supposed to, yeah. And I could do with a distraction, but if you don't wanna go, then fine. Jethro, Van, come on. Uh, once she's burped, she'll fall asleep on your shoulder and you can just put her down. Yeah, we'll be fine. Won't we, Pascalle? Oi, Van, don't eat the litter. That's Jethro. I think Van's gonna be the smart one. They'll both be smart. They all will. I swear Pascalle is smiling already. She doesn't need to be smart. She's going to be gorgeous. Sexist. So, we should probably think about moving out of your olds' place. How come? Cos it's your olds' place. It's working out all right, isn't it? It's crowded. And as much as she's trying to play Granny right now, Rita hates it. Plus, Ted will be off remand really soon. Yeah, I suppose. You've got a good thing going with Allen Markham now, so... Yeah, it's a good earner, but if we move out we're not going to have a live-in babysitter, so think about that. (BABY WAILS) (CHILDREN SQUEAL) What the fuck? Can you not hear that? You put them down awake, let them cry themselves to sleep. It's what you're meant to do with babies. You two are spoiling that child. Mum, she's not even a month old. You start as you mean to continue, but if you don't want to listen to my advice, fine. And why should we? Because you're Mother of the Year? (DRAMATIC MUSIC) (SCOFFS) You know what? I fuckin' tried. Do what the hell you want. It's your family. Look, I'd invite you in, but I've, uh, got someone staying. I don't need to come in. You need to come out with me. Ngaire invited me out with her and Lefty. Absolutely not. No. God, these new friends ` horrible yuppies. I know. That's why I want you to come ` so I have someone to sneer at them with. Oh. Bilkey, my husband is in the clink. And what's the rule when someone's husband is in the clink? The other wives provide free meals? The other rule. Yeah, all right, all right. Your boyfriend can come too, if he wants. Nah. He can fend for himself for a bit. And he's not my boyfriend. Go on. Make yourself pretty. I wanted you to take another look. Sorry, boss. Still a mystery to me. You sure, Phineas? Cos we got given a name, and Bianca did a little digging. (INHALES SHARPLY) And you know how small West Auckland is ` everyone knows everyone else. Like how maybe you know a guy by the name of Ted West. Yeah. He was a friend of mine. Good friend, according to Bianca. You were tight for years. Yep. We were. So how is it that you can't recognise that this little fuckhead right here is Ted's son, Wolfgang West? Is it? Well, I haven't seen the Wests for ages, so, I dunno, yeah, it might be him. Might not. Kids grow so fast, eh? Oh, it's him. Wow. Bianca's real good at finding stuff out, isn't she? Oh, that she is. You know, Phineas, I admire loyalty. Loyalty is a valuable trait. (OMINOUS MUSIC) If you're being loyal to me ` the guy that's paying ya. Like I said, Mr Figgs, I don't run with Ted West any more. I haven't seen those kids for years. Well, this is what they look like now. So I'd like you to pay your former pal a visit and let him know that Frankie Figgs is not to be fucked with, on any level. Feels a bit off, going around and roughing up Wolf. I've known him since he was in nappies. I'm referring to West Sr. Oh, well, that won't be easy. He's in Mt Eden now. By the time I get on a visitors' list` Well, I need to deliver the message to someone. I could talk to Rita. Wolf's mum. Thank you. And don't worry about Wolfgang West and his mates. They're being taken care of. (EXHALES) Ah. Hi there. What can I do for you, pretty lady? (MOANS) Hello. Nice place. Thank you? Fuck it up, boys. Wait, wait, whatever you think it is, you got the wrong people. Your name is Eric Grady. Nope. You took my sister hostage. I would never do such a thing. You tied her up. You're Krystle's sister. (TENSE MUSIC) How do you know her name? Please, please don't hurt Tubby Bear. He's a present for my nephew. Then tell me how you know my sister's name. Look, I don't know what she told you, but the way that I see it is` is` is, that, you know, we` we had our fun but, uh, time to move on. No harm, no foul. Ew! God. Did you screw her? No. Oh, fu`! (MOANS) (WHIMPERS) Look, I don't actually give a shit about Krystle being dumped by the latest loser she's found, but my family gets real pissed off when those losers steal from us. No, please don't. We were just doing as we were told. And do you have a name for the person it was that told you? (INTENSE MUSIC) Do your worst. We will never tell. Yeah, and those plates were stolen anyway, so fuck you! Oh! Fuck! (GROANS) You gotta be in to win, and anyone who isn't is a mug. I got one word for you, Bilkey ` Brierley. Get your hands on some of that and you'll be right. Thanks for the tip, Lefty. Well, 150,000 punters can't be wrong, can they? Do you know what a corporate raider is? These big investment companies, they eat up the piddly little ones ` eat 'em up and piss money all over their investors, don't they, darling? Apparently so. In 1987, you're either the lion who's doing the devouring, or you're the bloody, uh,... Oh, what do lions devour, honey? Antelopes? Don't be that antelope, Rita. My money is just fine where it is. In a biscuit box under the bed? (LAUGHTER) (TELEPHONE RINGS) (EXHALES) What? (GRUNTS) FALANI: Sorry to wake you, Wolf. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get any sleep right now? I'm aware, yes, but we have a small problem. It's not small. Um, a medium-sized problem. (EXHALES SHARPLY) She punched me repeatedly. Do you know what they did to Brandon's bear? Punched, Wolf, in the face. They held him hostage. And she said it was her place we did last week? And the sister that Eric did. None of this is my fault. I'm the victim. So, fuck 'em. They've said their piece and now they can fuck off. We'll just carry on, business as usual. Business as usual? With Allen? Yeah. Why not? What? The scary sister ` she wanted names. And? She was holding Tubby Bear in one hand and a knife in the other. Fuck's sake, Sparky, you gave up Allen Markham? He's the best present I've ever got Brandon. That means a lot to me. So you narked? We don't fuckin' nark. ('80S ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) Excuse us. Subtle, aren't they? You had enough of this shit yet? Hours ago. There was heaps in there. Oh, shit. It's tipped out. (SCOFFS) Idiot. What are you doing there, darling? I'm so glad I left the house for that. Serves us right for being antelope. Nightcap at yours to make it worthwhile? Uh, doesn't really suit. Oh, of course. Your mysterious house guest. Oh. He's not mysterious, as such. In the closet, is he? I know. He's married. No. He's famous. Oh. Married and famous. Tell me he's an All Black. Let's have that nightcap back at your place, eh? Oh, with the sleeping baby and children and arseholes. It's still your house, Rita. (PEKING MAN'S 'ROOM THAT ECHOES' BLARES) Whiskey for you, my friend. Thank you. (RITA LAUGHS, MUSIC BLARES) RITA: Those fuckin' Parnell wankers. # You touch upon the things that I feel. (LAUGHS) # Every movement I make tells a secret. # (LAUGHTER) They're gone. How bloody rude. Do we give a shit, love? We could just go home and make love. I don't want to make love, Lefty. Oh. I want to fuck. (GIGGLES) Oh. Ooo. Oof. Security! (LAUGHS) What's wrong with you, Bilkey? You can't hold your piss any more? (LAUGHS) Oh, I've kinda had to keep a clear head recently. Although, dammit, falling into a large glass of vodka's something I'm... Uh-oh. We've got company. (GRUNTS) Oh, for fuck's sake. Go back to bed, Van. Jethro. Whichever you are. Go on. Off you go. Do you know what time it is? (DOOR SHUTS) Thank you. (BABY CRIES) Oh, that's just wicked. What the fuck, Mum? What the fuck yourself. This is my house, and if you and Slutty Pants want to stay here, you are perfectly welcome, but you adjust to my way of life, and not the other way around. Whatever. I'm too tired. Uh, Wolf. You're forgetting something. (LAUGHS) (SQUEALS, GROWLS) Bravo, Rita. Bravo. (KNOCK AT DOOR) (SIGHS) You have a party? Just a quiet drink with Bilkey. Keeping you company while Ted's inside? Yep. That's right. Well, I, uh, won't hold you up. Just here to deliver a quick message from my boss, which is just, 'Can the Wests cease and desist all activities in the area.' I'll catch you later, eh? Ha`Hang on, Phineas. One question. What the fuck are you talking about? I'm really sorry, OK? But my boss is powerful. He's got people everywhere. And Wolf and them have pissed him off, and that pissed-off-ness has spread to the whole West family. Right. Well. Thanks for passing that on. I wish I could say that I cared. Well, you should care. You should care, Rita. He doesn't fuck around. Are you actually threatening me? No. I-I'm warning you. (SIGHS) But I'm warning you as an old friend. Right. Well, you've passed on your boss' message. Yeah. So now you can you can give one back to him. You tell him, whoever he is, to fuck right off. I am not scared of some wanker who can't even show his face. If he's got a problem with me, he can tell me in person. (ALARM BEEPS) (ALARM STOPS) (GROANS) (TELEPHONE RINGS) (RINGING CONTINUES) (KNOCK ON DOOR) Jesus. Yeah. Just got back from the emergency department. Shit. I'm so sorry, Allen. Fuckin' Sparky. It doesn't matter. It does matter, because that's not how we do things. I'm out, Wolf. I'm outta the game. But the Avondale job. It's off. Come on. Nah. It was made very clear to me last night that the arrangements I had made ` they are now a thing of the past. So I'm going straight. Gonna make an honest living. Going into used cars. Come on, Allen. Grow some fuckin' balls. Sorry, Wolf. And I'd like to say it was nice working with you, but it really fuckin' wasn't, as it turned out. WHISPERS: Fuck. (BELL RINGS, DOOR OPENS) Good afternoon. Good afternoon. It's Rita West, isn't it? And you are? Frank Figgs ` Frankie, my friends and associates call me. I'm here to apologise, actually. (SNIFFS) It was unbecoming of me to send an employee to talk to you. Phineas. And as you correctly pointed out to him, if I've got something to say, I should say it myself, businessperson to businessperson. If you say so, although I'm still a bit confused as to what exactly there is to say to each other. I like to think of myself and my family... as the future... of West Auckland. We live in paradise out here. We got beaches. We got vineyards. Got native bush. Got land ` lots of land, just waiting to be developed. Got flash houses, office blocks, restaurants and parks. But right at the moment, West Auckland has a certain reputation. It's considered, um, well, rough. It's not a bad thing. Keeps the wankers and yuppies away. The wankers and the yuppies with money, you mean? (INHALES SHARPLY) Shouldn't be afraid of change, Mrs West. I'm not actually afraid of anything, Mr Figgs. Well, maybe you should be, cos part of my mission is to clean up West Auckland. Mm. That's great. You can start with the Georgie Pie wrappers all over the footpath outside my shop. Get rid of the unsavoury elements. You know, the criminal scum ruining it for everybody else. All right, Frankie Fuckface, you've said your piece. Now get the fuck out of my shop. Or you could get the fuck out of West Auckland. (SCOFFS) Out of my neighbourhood? Out of my home? Who the fuck do you think you are? Your neighbourhood is changing, Mrs West. And you and your, um, wider family will be better off finding somewhere more suited to your way of life. Try South Auckland. It's a polite suggestion, Mrs West. Well, you can take your polite suggestion and shove it all the way up your arse. Fair enough. Message received. I'll get back to you on that. (OMINOUS MUSIC) (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) (PHONES AND CONVERSATIONS CONTINUE) (BIRDSONG) # Nobody makes soup in a cup # Like Continental Cup A Soup ! # (DOOR OPENS) Evening. Another fun-filled day with the kiddiewinks, then? Kids are fine. The actual kids. As for those dicks I call friends... What happened? All my jobs are off. They gave up Allen Markham and he got done over. They gave him up? And he got his fingers broken. By who? Some woman went around to where the boys are shacked up. Put the hard word on them. So they dobbed Allen Markham? Bloody dicks. (EXHALES) If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? Is it the bruises? I was in a fight. Yeah, I got done over pretty badly` By a woman. Shit. (SIGHS) I've lost it. The power of seduction. Probably cos you dumped Krystle. What? Now you're back to being sleazy and desperate. (GROANS) Bugger. I've had a phone call from Mrs Rita. We've been summoned ` and not in a good way. Oh, you're just in time. I was about to tell Van and Jethro here a little bedtime story. Oh, good. Go on. Sit down. Right. We all comfortable? Yup. This is a story that your grandpa used to tell your daddy when he was a little boy. The story is called 'The Curse of the Wests'. Once upon a time, there was a thief ` a very good thief, a boy who was really going places ` and his name was West. He had many relatives, including Uncle Luther West. He was a mean old bastard. Used to knock women around, and the young thief hated Uncle Luther for that. And because Luther owed him money. Yeah, and that. One day, Luther had just finished a job, the Reefton Post Office, and so the young, noble thief expected that he'd get his money back. But instead, Uncle Luther told him to fuck off. What a meanie. So you know what our hero did? Punched him in the scrote. That would have been a better idea. But no. He dobbed him in to the police. (OMINOUS MUSIC) And Luther got 10 to 15 years for that post office job. And he was wild. And as he was hauled off to jail, he put a curse on the dobber, and on the dobber's children and great-grandchildren to come. God, she's gonna scare them. No, they need to hear this. But he wasn't scared. Who believes in an old man's curse? But then the very next day, bad luck started to rain down on him... Rain down on him like shit from a cracked toilet. Thank you, Wolf. What sort of shit rained down on him? His little sister got crushed by a coal truck. She survived. She withered from polio. And the thief's whole entire family was so poor, they had to eat the glaze from the plates. So, the shit didn't rain down on he, himself, but on his sister? Well, I haven't got a sister, so` The point is, if you dob... bad shit happens. Which is why Wests never dob ` the Wests and their associates. Because if you do, retribution will come. Make no mistake. You won't know when or how, but be it to you or someone you love, it will come. What if you didn't know about the curse? (SCOFFS) Doesn't matter. The inevitable fact of the equation is, you dob, you bring on the shitstorm. And that, boys, is the story of how the Wests were cursed. But if you never dob, you won't have anything to worry about. We won't, Grandma. Good boy, Van. (OMINOUS MUSIC) What the fuck did you idiots do to Frankie Figgs' daughter? And that skinny fuck with the perm took advantage of her innocence. My father is in hospital half-dead because of that man. RITA: We are gonna get revenge. We are gonna unleash a crime wave the likes of which they've never seen. (ROCK MUSIC) Can I help you boys? Got a message for you. Back the fuck away from my mother. Doing nothing is not an option, Cheryl. We can look after ourselves. And our kids? Can they look after themselves?