(DRAMATIC GUITAR MUSIC) Thanks. Thank you for distracting me during Brandon's morning sleep, so I didn't get any washing out or any of the vacuuming done. Our boy sleeps like a champion. He is a bit of a star, yeah. It's so quiet. Sometimes too quiet. That's why I tolerate you coming over. Good to have another adult to talk to. Ah. It's the talking you like, is it? Wolf, no. I haven't got time, and neither have you. Won't they be wondering where you are? (BABY CRIES) And now you get to say hi to Brandon before you go. What are you doing? Not the lolly cake. Because? Because I made it, dummy. So it'll taste like shit? All right, then. Put it on the table. (SNIFFS) Is there weed in this, Mandy? Well, I had a bunch of cabbage left over from a piss-up at Blockhouse Bay Reserve, so` Get rid of it. Want some lolly cake, Mr West? I'm more of a savoury man myself. Ah, good. I was starting to feel outnumbered ` all these ruddy birds. Their very first leather vests. Oh! So, where are the birthday boys? Who cares? Let's get out of here. Barbecue won't light itself. Everyone's so boring up there. Yeah. It's down here where the action's at. Not really. It's just us waiting around for the OK to open the beers. Fuck that. Let's get the party started! Yeah! Ooh, lolly cake. Delicious. May I? Of course! As long as you like getting really, really out of it. Ah. You're a dark horse, aren't you, little missy. This is a children's birthday party. The last thing you would do at a children's birthday party is... that. (CHUCKLES) Ooh. Bring Brandon to Van and Jethro's party if you want. I mean, it's a party for kids and babies. And your wife, and your mum. Well, they don't know. And you're Sparky's sister. It's kind of weird you don't hang with us. No one gives me a second thought. And, honest to God, that's the way I like it. You should be happy. Yeah. I am happy. Good. Say bye-bye to Uncle Wolf. Tell him not to forget the paper plates. Uncle Wolf? Harsh. (CHUCKLES) (ENGINE REVS) (RELAXED GUITAR MUSIC) Hello. Welcome. Where's Vern? You can't keep away, Rita. Is a bit of privacy too much to ask? Sonia, darling, do you mind? I thought I'd made myself clear, Vern. Oh, you always do. So enough with the stories about me. Do you understand? Enough. Occasionally, your name pops up. You were my neighbour ` or I yours. It would be strange and suspicious if I didn't acknowledge this fact. Everything else... remains our little secret. It bloody better. I can't speak for our child, though. Somewhere out there, Rita, is a teenager ` about to turn 16, if I've done my maths right. Nope. Not to me, there's not. But what if they're curious as to their birth parents? What if they come looking for us? Your name is not on the birth certificate. And I made it very clear at the time that my name was never to be released. Such things may not stop a determined young person. I'm at peace with our past, Rita. Are you? Abso-fucking-lutely. Oh, I hope so. If I hear that you so much as mention my name ever again, I will burn your fucking commune to the ground. I hope you find peace and love and happiness, Rita. (CHILDREN SQUEAL HAPPILY) Cheers. I'm starting to think that when God decided not to give me kids of my own, he was doing me a favour. Should that kid be doing that? Ah, it's all right. He'd have to turn on the tap to do any real damage. The other one's got the tap. Oi! You kids stop messing around with the hose. Oh, fuck! Turn it off! Fuck! Babies are so weird. Yeah. They're like little miniature humans. Yes! That's what they're like! You better not be stoned in charge of my daughter, Mandy. (DOOR OPENS) Only me. Where are the kids? One's down with the chickenpox, so the other one's contagious, apparently. Luckily, Brian said he and his mother` Bloody wooden spoon. Those kids need a good hiding! From you? I don't think so, Ted. They turned the bloody garden hose on me, those bastards! Don't call them bastards. Well, that's what they are. And it's no wonder, with you mollycoddling them! They run circles around you ` a pair of fucking 4-year-olds! And as for that baby screaming down the house every bloody night` Don't you dare speak about my kids like that! Well, then do a better job of raising them, you good-for-nothing cow! Ted! Hey, lay off my sister, Gramps! (GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC) What crawled up his Y-fronts? (DOOR SLAMS) You OK, love? That was rude and uncalled for. HALTINGLY: I'm OK. No worries. Ted's, you know, got problems. Rochelle, uh, check on the boys, will you? I might take a sec, have a smoke. (PANTS) Bula! Bula. (ALL YELL) It's impossible to sum up how Fiji makes you feel,... Bula! At Domino's. It doesn't need a corner office to be competitive (APPLAUSE) Genius ` it doesn't need Silicon Valley. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Hutt Valley is just fine. It doesn't need a corner office to be competitive or even serious. All genius really needs is opportunity,... and that's why we built the Chorus fibre network. I hope the beers are cold. Where have you been? I went and got plates, like you asked. The first place was shut. You've been gone for almost two hours. I could've done with some help watching the kids. There's shit-loads of people here to help you. Oh, for fuck's sake, Cheryl. What? What is it? You know, I don't really wanna come home to drama if I can help it. Sorry, Cheryl. Bit of a problem. Van shat himself ` and the wall, again. Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Jesus Christ. I mean, what is wrong with the fucking kid? He's just learning, OK? And sometimes, he gets it on his hand and he doesn't like it, so he wipes it on the wall. Fucking disgusting! I have been slaving in the kitchen all morning. Rita took off somewhere, and Ted... (EXHALES) Ted... What? Yelled at Cheryl. Called her a cow. Why? Because your father is a grumpy old arsehole, is why! Please, would it kill you to just... help, this one time? I bring home the bacon, Cheryl. I don't put on a fucking apron and cook it. Then you're just as big a fuckwit as him! You don't like it? Then fuck off out of here! (BELL CHIMES) About time. Were you expecting someone else? No. Didn't you have a family occasion or something? Yeah. The twins' birthday party. Slutty Pants has taken over the kitchen. Well, there's nothing going on here. It's dead as a doornail. Good. Here now, OK? Stop panicking, OK? Lyudmilla. Hello. Mrs West. Hello. Package late arriving. He late, I late. Here now. Chill fuck out. We're good. So what've we got here, Ngaire? What does it matter? It's a simple business transaction. That you do at your own house. Not at my shop, not on my time! Listen to it! When did you get so self-righteous? What if the pigs had followed her here? I'd be dragged down with both of you, and wouldn't Little Miss Piggy Riana love that? Oh, don't be dramatic. No one's interested. The police aren't` Get the fuck out, Ngaire. You're fired. Well, thank God for that! I'm too good for this junk shop, anyway. You don't have to put up with that shit from the men in this family, Cheryl. This is your day. Like fuck. This party's not for the kids. It's for Wolf's olds and their mates to get pissed, as usual. Hey, four years ago, you pushed two babies out of your foo-foo. Two! Who else in this house has done that? No one. You're a superhero, Cheryl. They should be worshipping you. (SCOFFS) Stay here. What are you doing? Getting the kids. We're going. We can't leave the party. Today should be about you and the bloody miracles you created. So don't fight it. (DOWNBEAT GUITAR MUSIC) Over there, and over the back there. Yeah. Ginger plant. Very nasty. Burn it all down. Still liking your enthusiasm, Barry, but remember what we spoke about yesterday? Safety first? Good. Right, let's get into it, then. Actually, um, I've got hay fever. I don't think I should be here. You didn't have hay fever yesterday. Yeah, it just came on this morning. Oh, choice! Look at these! They've given us flamethrowers, bro! But now that I think about it,... no, yeah, you do need me. Where are you lot going? (CHILD CHUCKLES) (DOOR SLAMS, ENGINE REVS) Bye! Bye-bye! (HUMS, LAUGHS) Any idea why Cheryl and the kids just took off with that hippie? You're joking. It might be because Wolf was... how to put it? A complete arsehole? Ugh. Today of all days? I didn't tell her to leave. Well, you did say, 'If you don't like it, 'you can fuck off out of here'. So, off she has fucked, apparently. Jesus, Wolf. It's OK. We can have a party without Cheryl. It'll be better, actually. But can we have a party for kids without the kids? Probably just letting off steam. Taking a moment. She'll be back. Fuck this! No, Cheryl doesn't get to go! If anyone's leaving, it's gonna be me. No, don't. I'm still here. Fuck's sake, Wolf, grow up! I did! And guess what ` it's not all it's cracked up to be. Wonderful (!) Everyone needs my lolly cake! (BOTH CHUCKLE) - Well, I'm happy to sample. - (MANDY LAUGHS) - Mmm! - (BOTH LAUGH) Ted! Cheryl's got her knickers in a knot and taken off with the boys. I'm not taking the blame for this, Rita. The boys were being little shits, and all I did was tell her so. Eh? I thought she took off because Wolf was a prick to her. Oh. Yeah, probably. Jesus. I leave the house for 10 bloody minutes... (BABY CRIES) Hey. I'm about to give Brandon a feed and then put him down, and then, I really need to do some housework. You have any beer? Don't you have somewhere else you're meant to be drinking beer? Nah. Wolf, you're not missing your son's birthday party to be with me. I'm leaving Cheryl. I'm done with her. Marriage ` also not really my thing. (SIGHS) So where's that beer? (PSYCHEDELIC SYNTH MUSIC) Do we have to go? It'll be fun. I know what would be fun ` going out for lunch. Top Of The Town? It's a barbie out the back at Ted and Rita's, like the old days. I just told Rita to go fuck herself. So say sorry, have a drink or two, and Bob's your` I'm not saying sorry to that cow. Don't, then. Me, I'm heading over to my mate's for a piss-up. It's not a piss-up. It's a 4-year-old's birthday party! Welcome to my home. Hi, Mum. This is Cheryl, who I was telling you about. Hello, Cheryl! And this little pearl is Pascalle? Such a beautiful name! Hi, bubba. Hey, boys, would you like to come and meet our chickens and our goat? BOTH: Yeah! Yeah! Come on, let's go! Off you go! They'll be in heaven. (CHUCKLES) Yeah, they love animals. No, I mean my mum and them. They're so clucky. They keep nagging me to have a kid, but I don't want to lose my tits, you know? You haven't lost yours. Yours are amazing, but some of the ladies here ` like old, deflated balloons. Anyway, what do you wanna do now? I don't know. What am I supposed to do? You still don't believe me? I'm leaving her. It's over. You're sleep-deprived and you and Cheryl aren't getting on, but` Don't tell me what I think, Anne-Marie, or what I want. She's got three kids under 4. It's hard enough with one. And you're hardly ever there. No, because I'm here. You know, it's a bit fucked up you're on Cheryl's side. You married her, so she must be a good chick. Just go. I'll see you in a day or two. He's fallen asleep. That'll be why he's not burping. I'll put him down, eh? I'm gonna put you to bed, little guy. Eh? (CHUCKLES) Then I'm gonna take your mummy to bed. Wolf! Guys, do you see something? Oh, what the hell? Hi! Oh, good (!) The clown's here. Gidday. Afternoon. This is the West residence? Who the fuck ordered a clown? You did, Ted. The boys said they wanted Hulk Hogan or one of those wrestling men, and you couldn't find any in the Yellow Pages, so you ordered a clown. Yeah. No, no, I remember that. Of course I do. Where would you like me? Far away! Far, far away! Uh, so where are the birthday boys? They left. O... K. Uh, I'm due back at Clownstock after this gig. What the fuck's Clownstock? Uh, like Woodstock, but with clowns. (SNICKERS) Well, not just clowns. We've got mimes, the odd magician. (LAUGHS) Yeah. So they're all at Te Pai Park as we speak, and I'm missing it. But a paid gig comes along, so here I am! This one's your mess to sort out. Yeah, uh, the thing is, Mr... Clown, um, the party's off. We don't need you. (LAUGHS) Are you OK, Phineas? The clown's not leaving. He won't leave. For fuck's sake. How many are there of you? And you can't handle one clown? I said I will leave when I receive my cancellation fee, which is equal to 100% of my original fee! And I said stick it up your clown-hole! You've got five seconds to give me my fuckin' money before I punch your lights out! Five! Four! Three! Two! One. You asked for it. You fucking well asked for it! Fucking piece of... (HOWLS WITH LAUGHTER) Right, let's get those sausages off, eh? A man could starve to death. Oh, dear! I wasn't touching myself, I swear! Those are natives. Quick, get the fire extinguisher! Hurry! Or we could just enjoy the spectacle. What's wrong with you? Those are native trees! I got this! (FIRE EXTINGUISHER GUSHES) Oh yeah. The flames have a different smell. Destroying New Zealand flora is the opposite to Community Service. I'm going to have to ring Corrections now. You can't be here, Barry. (CHILDREN LAUGH, YELL) Cheryl, meet Vern, the leader of our community. A pleasure to meet you, Cheryl. (SIGHS) Can I get you a drink of anything? Water? Tea? Feijoa wine? I'm OK. It's just nice relaxing without the kids under my feet. They're running me ragged. You'd never be able to tell. You look fresh, glowing. (CHUCKLES) As if! You are beautiful, Cheryl. Well, ha, ha. (CHUCKLES) I like you. I understand how hard it can be, being everything to everybody. It can leave you feeling drained, yes? And to be under-appreciated by those around you. Would you like to talk? (BUZZING ROCK MUSIC) (SIGHS) According to your files, you have qualifications as an electrician. Yes. This residence needs rewiring, and will also need a security system installed. If you don't mind me asking, if this is Community Service, how come we're at someone's private house? Well, this house belongs to a pillar of the community. So by servicing the pillar, we're actually servicing the community? Exactly. Upstairs for thinking! I've never met a pillar before. No. No, I don't suppose you move in those circles. (INDISTINCT TALKING) (OMINOUS GUITAR STRUMMING) I think the shine might have gone from our marriage, you know? God, I sound like my mother. I mean,... it shouldn't be. Not me and Wolf. We weren't meant to end up like this. Know what the problem is, Cheryl? Monogamous relationships. They just don't work. They don't make sense. Well,... they do to me. I'm not really a sharing kind of girl. To each their own, ladies. I understand where Cheryl's coming from. I once had a love who was married to someone else, and the thought of sharing her drove me quite mad. Oh, Vern. Sonia, Rochelle, why don't you two go check on Cheryl's children? Ooh, and rustle up some afternoon tea. Are you hungry? A bit. There's nothing wrong with monogamy. I have several monogamous relationships at the moment, in fact. S'pose I should pop home ` see how Brian's managing. Fucking fine. He'll be fucking fine. Everything's fine, Rita. Mm. Sounds it (!) The perfect husband. Good with the children, tidies the house, earns good money... doing I don't actually know what. Something in an office. (KNOCK ON DOOR) I thought there was a party. What are you doing here, Ngaire? I know we had words, Rita, but I thought I should be here for Wolf and his sons. You couldn't care less about Wolf and his sons. That's not fair. Well, the lot of them have buggered off, anyway, so good luck to you (!) Glass of Riesling, Ngaire? No, thank you, Carol. You know what? Fuck it. We could sit around here, feeling sorry for ourselves, or we could have a bloody party. Falani, go and get the other stereo. Set it up outside. # Cos it's magic what she do. # Magic what she do. (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) # Magic what she do. # Love, # don't think twice. # Magic what she do. # I mean, everything's fine. It's fucking fine. So I've been trying to figure out why I'm so unhappy. Mm-hm. And did you? I think I finally put my finger on it. SLURS: It's when Brian puts his finger on it,... nothing happens. Fancy a quick one? In there? Might need to give it a few minutes. The little red sausages didn't agree with me` In here, then. Oh. I thought you meant a 'quickie' quickie. Not really time or place, is it? Lefty Munroe ` a square? Let's just have a few drinks with our mates, eh? Yes, he's been an arsehole,... Mm. but we've been together for so long. I sometimes think that a marriage is... well, it's like the ocean, Cheryl. Is this going to be some hippy-dippy shit? Cause, no offence, that's just not really me. Yeah, bear with me. The tide comes in, but it also has to go out. And in those times of low tide, you have to trust that the waves will roll back in again, hm? Right. No, I get it. Thanks, Vern. Shall we make love now? I don't wanna hide any more. I wanna take my kid to the park, take my girl out for a drink, instead of being trapped in these four walls. I thought you liked my house. Come on, Anne-Marie. Don't pretend this isn't something. You were my first, my very first` Yes, I remember. I was gonna say 'first love'. Oh Jesus, Wolf. Don't get sentimental. It doesn't suit you. You had a fight with your missus. You'll get over it. You and I never fight. Because I'm not your missus! If I was, the shine would wear off pretty fucking fast, I promise you. I'm sick of hiding. (KNOCK ON DOOR) SPARKY: Hello? It's me! I'm sleeping! What the hell, Sparky? I just said I was sleeping. If you were actually sleeping, you couldn't tell me you were sleeping, cause then you'd be asleep! Get out! I just came here to see my nephew! Go wait in the kitchen, OK? And shut the door! Don't wanna hide any more, huh? FALANI: All that child-friendly food going to waste. ERIC: Well, we should find them, bring the kids home. Ew, I'm not going to that hippie commune. I might catch scabies. What do you mean 'commune'? Well, if she went off with Rochelle, that's where she'll be, right? Look, no wuckin' forries, Rita. We'll head up there and we'll bring 'em home. I can go, Mrs Rita. I haven't had any lolly cake. No, no, it's all right. I'll sort this. You are so lucky he offered. He has all the moves. Sexual intercourse with Vern can be extremely healing. I don't want to cause offence, but that is fucking disgusting. You do know Vern's not my dad? (LAUGHS) Oh, God no! But still, it's mum and daughter sharing` I wanted Rochelle's first sexual experience to be with a quality lover, so I suggested Vern. And he's good, Cheryl. You should go for it. You can just lie there and relax. If you don't feel like telling your husband afterwards, you don't have to. No one has to know. I really appreciate this ` you offering me your husband, or whatever ` but I'm gonna have to say no. Oh, that's a shame. (GENTLE ACOUSTIC MUSIC) You know, there were times with me and Wolf when the tide got really, really low. Couldn't even see the fucking ocean. But at least we were there, looking for it together. That's how it's always been, you know? He's the one that makes things better. (CAR APPROACHES) What the hell? Rita! Welcome back to Isengard! I'm here to collect my grandchildren and their mother. Cheryl, do you wish to go? I like it here. No one says I'm a dumb housewife. No one takes me for granted, tells me to fuck off. It's called being in a family. Get used to it. All right. You don't want to be a housewife? How about a job ` part-time? It's easier said than done. Well, it just so happens I have an opening at the Galleria. Work for you? Couple of days a week. Get you out of the house, money of your own. Look,... I know Wolf was a prick, and Ted. Total shits, the pair of them. But you're the mother of my grandchildren, Slutty Pants, so we're family. You, me, the two bastards, and those kids. One big, fucked-up family. Where are the kids? Uh, the boys are feeding the chooks, and some really nice lady's looking after Pascalle somewhere. You mean, the really nice lady currently breastfeeding her? Oh fuck. Don't worry, Patricia breastfed me when I was little too. (SIGHS) So, what did you two talk about? She talked and I listened. Tell your boy to look after his wife a bit better. If I had a child` Which, as far as I know, you don't. I suppose I don't. (LAUGHTER) I'm forgetful, I'm short-tempered. Sometimes, I feel this... rage. That's all normal stuff, Ted, once you've, you know, had a crack to the head. We've got unwanted guests. Pigs? Sorry, Phin. It's worse than that. (IMPOSING ROCK MUSIC) You've got to be fuckin' joking. (ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES) We don't want any trouble, OK? Give me my fuckin' money! We're not scared of you clowns. Well, most of us aren't. I warned you. (GRUNTS) (SPLIT ENZ'S 'MY MISTAKE') Go, Falani! (MUSIC CONTINUES) I`I`I would help, but I'm a lover, not a fighter. Yeah? Show me. Eh? How you're a lover. # ...to see if I could fall in love again. # Yeah, that was my mistake. # That was my mistake. Shit. That was quite a decent pash, actually. # Yeah, that was my mistake. I'm so proud of Phineas ` facing his coulrophobia. # That was my mistake. # That was my mistake. # That was my mistake. # That was my mistake. # That was my mistake. # That was my mistake. # That was my mistake. # That was my mistake. # That was my mistake. # That was my mistake. # That was my mistake. # My mistake, my mistake. # My mistake, my mistake. # My mistake. # Mistake. # Mistake. # Ted! Enough! Enough! (PANTS) There's your fucking cancellation fee. That's it. Now get on your miniature bicycles and ride the fuck away! (LAUGHS) (MENACING SYNTH MUSIC) The ginger plant's actually really different from privet. Privet kind of smoulders before it catches, whereas ginger crackles and sends out embers, which can spread to other vegetation if you're lucky. Can you go now? I've got shit to do. Yeah. Bye-bye, Brandon. Bye, Uncle. Call first next time, in case it's not convenient. Thought he'd never bugger off. Why aren't you dressed and ready to go? Are you sure that's what you want? It's what we both want, and you know it. Hopefully Cheryl's finished packing a sad. Forgot my bag! (TENSE ROCK MUSIC) Shit. So far away, it is hardly ever reached. VOICEOVER: To get further in life, there is this place. It can't be found on any map. Miles off the beaten track. With twists and turns. With ups and downs. So dark, it is hidden from the public eye. So far away, it is hardly ever reached. A place that only you can get to. Yourself. SONG: # And I know # In my heart # In this cold heart # You believe in you and I... # How about some fish, Dad? Hey, that's what I was thinking. Want a hand with healthy? Try Sealord Hoki ` straight from the freezer to the oven. Our tasty fillets make a quick, nutritious meal any night of the week. Our New Zealand hoki is flaky and coated in a crunchy crumb. That's what makes them taste so good. Aw, just once. Carol, Carol. I appreciate it, but` I just wanna remember what it feels like to climax. Seriously, Carol. Oh, hell's teeth. Hi, Brian. I don't want to jump to any conclusions here, but` Yes, I am throwing myself at Bert. But no, I'm not taking advantage. Oh, honestly, shut your mouth, Brian, unless you're gonna do something useful with it, which, odds are, you are not! She's just had a bit too much to drink, mate. She's not usually an angry drunk. Yeah, look, you're not satisfying her and it's making her crazy. When was the last time you made Carol scream, Brian? So if you and Anne-Marie are together, that means my best friend and my sister are together, and we're all one big happy family! Aw, I do like Cheryl, though. She's nice. I don't want you to have to leave her. That would suck eggs. So, Cheryl or Anne-Marie? Oh, it's so hard. I see your problem now ` torn between two women, unable to decide. Not the case. Cheryl's my wife. So you've made your decision? There is no decision. I stay married to Cheryl, I see Anne-Marie, and you stay fucking quiet about all of it. Oh. And stop making jokes about Brandon and Pascalle being together. You're Brandon's... Whoa! I can keep a secret. (ENGINE HUMS) Sparky, take the boys inside. Come on, boys! (CHILDREN BABBLE) You've got some apologising to do. I can run my own marriage, thanks. Any idea where I just rescued your family from? Didn't think so. Get your fucking act together. I'll take her. I'm sorry, love. You didn't deserve that bullshit. Sorry I ran away. Yeah, me too. Where did you go? I hung out with Sparky for a bit. We're gonna have our moments, Wolf. Of course we are. We've got so many kids. So many kids. Sometimes, it's hard to see each other. When I do see you, I see someone I still love like the day I first met her. Just no more babies, eh? Definitely no more babies. Van and Jethro are toilet training in here, so you're taking your life in your hands. You wanna do that try-hard yuppie shit, do it elsewhere. It's just a little bit of fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYS IN BACKGROUND) I didn't drink this whole thing, did I? Hey, um... I should probably tell you I spoke to Brian. Carol, I'm sorry. Wendy was very aggressive in bed, so I assumed all women wanted a man to submit. I want my man to be my man. I can do that, Carol. I just... don't want to be too rough with you. I don't want to hurt you. Throw me around like a rag doll, Brian. Hey, I might just, um... Be aware, my darling ` if you unleash the beast` I want that beast inside me. Jesus Christ! (CHILDREN YELL) Hey, listen! Out of the kitchen. Go. (MOANS) Oh, help! Shut up! - (BOTH MOAN) - Ugh! (BOTH MOAN, EXCLAIM) What is wrong with these people? It's a kids' birthday party! (SHARON O'NEILL'S 'ASIAN PARADISE') # Asian paradise used to haunt me. # Sorry about before, Rita. It wasn't particularly classy of me. Just sort your shit out, Ngaire. And you're Grandmother of the Year all of a sudden? Sitting on your high horse, judging everyone. We haven't forgotten your crazy years. You were bonkers! A mad, murderous bitch! Love, calm down. I mean, who knows how many bodies she's got buried under the house? Ngaire. She was capable. We all know that! And now, she's got the fucking nerve to look down her nose at me! Who the fuck do you think you are, Rita West? Love, please. (MUSIC BLURS) (GASPS) No! Ngaire! You are in no state to drive! (GRUNTS) (ENGINE STARTS, REVS) (TYRES SQUEAL, ENGINE REVS) Might give her a moment or two to cool off, eh? Van and Jethro are ready for their birthday cake. I just don't know where Wolf and Cheryl are. Let's just do it. ALL, MUFFLED: # Happy birthday to you. (CHERYL MOANS) # Happy birthday to you. # Happy birthday, Van and Jethro. (PANTS, GASPS) # Happy birthday to you! # Hip hip,... ALL: Hooray! Hip hip,... ALL: Hooray! - (BOTH MOAN, GASP) - (MUFFLED CHEERING) (LAUGHS) (BROODING ROCK MUSIC) (GLASS THUDS) Oh shit. Oh, yummy! Yummy cake. Hey? Oh, she mauled me, she did. Mauled me like a bear. We should call her Mandy the Bear from now on. Doesn't really have a ring to it. Well, Mandy the Animal, then. Mandy the... What's something that mauls people? Mandy. Mandy the Mauler! (CHUCKLES) That's frightening. Ooh, it's fun, though. I've been where you are, Ted ` angry all the time, pissed off at the world. Taking it out on the wrong people doesn't help. Yeah. I was a prick. Is the lecture over? Not a lecture ` an offer to help... get revenge. On the right person, this time. Frankie Figgs' house? Tick. (SIGHS) So he is a dodgy, corrupt bastard. Well done, Sparky. So I guess you want me to wire up the house to blow up if he tries to turn on the microwave? Cos I reckon I can manage that. No, no. You do the work as asked and you bide your time. You keep your eyes and ears open. Your person on the inside? Exactly. The Wests are playing a long game with this one. It's very important. And I'm your man. Ooh, lolly cake! (SCOFFS) Yeah, that's all well and good, Phin, but what are we gonna do? Rob his place? Wolf's already done that. No. Fuck that. I've got some information that might help us take the prick all the way down. But it'll only work if` if the All Blacks make the Rugby World Cup final at Eden Park. (OMINOUS BUZZING SYNTH MUSIC) (HAUNTING GUITAR MUSIC) (BREATHES SHAKILY) (VINYL CRACKLES) (FUNKY ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) Fuck the truce. This prick owes me. Do not fucking move! Did something go wrong? (GUNSHOT, GLASS SHATTERS) Shit! I want him to look me in the eye and know what he started. He will eat you alive and then spit out the bones. Leave your sister in peace, and we'll go for a little walk. I'm not gonna tell anyone. I swear. If you mess this up, I don't know what I'd have to do. The coke or the money, bitch! (GRUNTS) I have no drugs to sell you. I see you have my money. After what you did to me, it's my money now.