(CHEERING) (BRASS BAND PLAYS) And David Beckham gets the ball yet again for Manchester United. He's really taking responsibility every time they have possession. A reflection of the way he's been playing and captaining England. He's matured so much as a player and he's dominating proceedings here. Hoping for support as he gathers the ball on this right-hand touchline, time after time. And the Old Trafford crowd warming now to the way Beckham is taking over. But there's a big question mark here against Manchester United, Where is the goal gonna come from to break down Anderlecht? Will it be Scholes? Could it be Ryan Giggs? Would it be Beckham who breaks through? Because Anderlecht are playing a very controlled game. This is Radzinski, testing the United defence. And Sylvestre here at left back, possibly with a chance to break forward now on the other flank. There's the ball that Beckham wants. Oh! That looked like a body check! But he shrugged off the defender. Still Beckham, plenty in the middle. A decent cross. There's Bhamra! A fine header! And she's scored! Oh, it's a goal by Jess Bhamra! A superb header here! Beating the defender and planting the ball beyond the goalkeeper's left hand. Jess Bhamra makes a name for herself at Old Trafford! And have we discovered a new star here, Gary Lineker? That's right. The answer to England's prayers? Alan? There's no denying the talent. Quick-thinking. Vision and awareness. Magnificent! I wish she was playing for Scotland. (LAUGHS) John, have England found the player to relive their world-cup glory from '66? Definitely, Gary. We've found the missing piece of the jigsaw. And she's not even reached her peak. Thanks, John. We're joined by Jess's mother, Mrs Bhamra. You must be very proud. Not at all! She shouldn't run around with all these men showing her bare legs! She's bringing shame on the family! Don't encourage her! Jesminder, you get back home now! Jesminder, are you listening to me? (SPEAKS PUNJABI) Have you gone mad? Mum! Football shootball! Your sister's getting engaged, and you're watching this skinhead boy! It's Beckham's corner! Come downstairs! Your sister's going crazy! 'Mum, I can't hang around all day! I've gotta go! Where are my keys?' I'm sick of this wedding and it hasn't even started. 'Mum, hurry up!' She's gonna ruin it for me! That girl's a first-class bitch! Pinky, you've got so many others! Now I've gotta get another one! Will you get a move on? What's going on? Get this. Teet's bloody sister has said she's wearing baby pink now. Cow! I had matching accessories and everything! Shopping again? Hah! My mother chose all my 21 dowry suits herself! I never complained! You're spoiled! Don't forget my dhania and carrots. I'm making char. (BOTH) Mum! Don't do pickle as well! Am I asking you two to make it? Hi, Pinky! Hi! Alright? Yeah! What you doing here? Left everything to the last minute? Yeah. One more day of freedom! Where'd you get your contacts? You like 'em? Go with my hair, innit? Yeah. My fiance don't like dyed hair. Can't stand here chatting. Gotta go to Ely for my facial. Laters! Bye, Pinks. Laters! Bitch! Why'd she have to get blue contacts? Now I can't wear mine! I wouldn't be seen dead in that! They're all the rage, poppet. You blow 'em up, like a lilo. This little pump comes free with it. Pop it in there in the valve. Pump away. Up it goes. Then slip it back in there... ..and, boom, cleavage! And they're perfect while you're still growing. Cos they lift you right there. Mum! You're so embarrassing! All the girls have bought one for their daughters. Well,... well, look, there's the Fleur. That's pretty. The Gel Bra, that's a clever one. No pumping. It's already in there. Oh, no, sweetheart! Not the sports bras! They're so plain! They don't enhance. No-one's gonna see them. It's how they make you feel. I like that lace Lycra one. Uh-oh, there's your mate. Make this quick. I hope his mum wears a cardie over her stomachs tomorrow. She's old! So? Hi, Jess. Hi, Pinky. (BOTH SPEAK PUNJABI) (SPEAKS PUNJABI) May you have a long life my daughters! Everything ready? Yes, Massiji. Mum's making the samosas. Ah-hah! May God keep you and your husband in endless happiness! And pray for me that I get a lovely daughter-in-law like you for Tony. Mum! Oh, thank you, Massiji! OK, bye, yeah? How was biology? Did you do the genetics one? Yeah. The daughter was a carrier. Passed the gene to her son. I got that. I hope I get two As and a B for uni. Come on! Are you going to the park later? I'll try. (SPEAKS PUNJABI) Mum! (SHRIEKS) I've found it! Come on, Jess! Excuse me, you know that suit... Go on, mate! Up here! I got Danny! I'm wide! I'm wide! Over here! Over here! You're rubbish! Come on, boys! You're such an idiot, man! Here, Jess, fancy a quick game? I can't, my mum's waiting. And my dad's on earlies at Heathrow. Come on! We need you! Come on! (ALL SHOUT) Come on! Who does she think she is? Beckham? Can you chest it like him? You know, give it some bounce? Chest it, Jess! Chest it! Aaaaaargh! Nearly scored from 25 yards today. Bent it and everything. Could have carried on playing all night. It's not fair. The boys never have to come home and help. In an arranged marriage would I get someone who'd let me play football? To whom are you talking to? No-one, Dad. Biji along with her grandson are staying in here for the wedding. Daughter, why don't you put some nice picture of beautiful sceneries instead of this bald man? Dad! I'm going to change. Come on, help me out, OK? OK. I've organised a beautiful Rolls Royce. I'll get one for your wedding, too, if you like. (SPEAKS PUNJABI) I just want a little bit. Oh, it'll be your turn soon, eh? Do you want a clean-shaven boy like your sister, or a proper Sikh with a full beard and a turban? It's only our men that have a big engine and full MOT, huh? (LAUGHS) (ALL LAUGH) (PHONE RINGS) (CONTINUES TO RING) (CONTINUES TO RING) Nah, man! The alternator's gone on the Merc! Just do the carburettor. I told you not to bother me! It's my engagement, man! To off, put it. Put it to off. Put it away. Thank you. Oh, yes! Whoo! Mm, he is so tick, man! Innit? I know! Mon, he's taking his shirt off! That body should come with a warning! And a lifetime guarantee! Call Jess! Oi! Jess! Who's your friend with the gorgeous bod? The one with the six-pack? If he looks at me I really will faint. What, Taz? Taz? My God! Oh, look at that kick! He is so fly. Ah, he's fine! That is so fine! (ALL GIGGLE) Get your girlfriend, man. Jess! Lover boy's calling. You know he's just my mate. We're not all slags. Oooooh! Bitch! Just cos she's still a V, man, thinks she's better than us, innit? At least she hasn't got off with half of Hounslow like you two. Hey, who's that gori watching her? Come on, Jess! Come on, Gaz! It's all yours! (ALL) Oh! What you doing, man? Yeah! Hi. That was brilliant. Do you play for any side? Yeah, like who? Southall United sari squad? I play for Hounslow Harriers girls' side. It's closed season, but we've got a tournament coming up. Would you have a trial? Trial? Think I'm good enough? Yeah. I watched you a couple of times. We could do with some new blood. Jess, that's brilliant! Do you swap shirts at the end of matches? And go in that big bath? Where's the soap? It does, doesn't it, lads, eh? Playing football? Yeah. I'm Jules. I'm Jess. Yes! # I don't really care what the people say # I'm gonna do it my way I'm gonna do it my way # Boom-ba-boom-ba-bay-baby # I'm gonna let it all out, do my thing # A boom boom boom and a bang bang bang # Boom bang boom bang bang # Boom bang boom bang bang # Do your thing # Do your thing... # I want two groups, three in each group. Move! How'd you know she's serious? I haven't time to piss around. She's got balls. Hiya. Where do you normally play? In the park. I mean what position? Oh, sorry! Usually all over, but up front. On the right is best. Put your boots on. I haven't got any. Right. Join in. Start warming up. (Where shall I put this?) Jesus! "Do your own thing" - Basement Jaxx Pass it to Jules! How'd you feel out there? Brilliant. Really really great. I've never seen an Indian girl into football. I didn't know they had a girls' team. It's all her fault. I played for the men's club and she used to whine there was no team for her to play on. I wasn't whining! There was nothing here for us girls. There was, like, junior boys stuff, but when he busted his knee he set up a girls' side. He's been on my case ever since. They made me start at the bottom. You cannot get much lower than her. You're so full of it! Nah, we get just as many trophies as the men's side do. So, does she pass? Are your folks up for it? Yeah, they're cool. I suppose you'd better come back, then. Gotta go open the bar. Some real work. He likes you. You think so? He asked you back, didn't he? How long have you been playing? For ages, but just in the park. Nothing as serious as this. This? Serious? It'll do for now. I wanna play professionally. Wow! Can you do that? I mean as a job, like? Sure. Not really here, but you can in America. They've got a pro league with new stadiums and everything. Really? I can't believe it. It's a proper pitch with lights, corner flags, changing rooms. The coach likes me. He really knows his stuff. He must be gutted he can't play with his injury and all. Jules is so lucky. Her mum and dad must really support her to let her go to America to play. I don't even know how to tell my mum and dad about Hounslow Harriers. Whoops! Oh, will you both pack it in? Look at the state of my fuchsias! Alan, when are you gonna realise you have a daughter with breasts, not a son? Paula, please! Who'll go out with a girl with muscles? Leave her alone. I'm not gonna give it up! I saw Kevin last night with a blonde girl. And it didn't look like they were talking about Match Of The Day. Kevin can shag whoever he bloody wants! Honey, all I'm saying is there is a reason why Sporty Spice is the only one without a fella. Sweetheart - See what you've done? Why don't you get off her back? If she's more interested in football than boys I'm over the moon. They're tatty but they'll do the job. Here's the kit. Don't be afraid to get it dirty. Can I not wear my tracksuit bottoms? No. Shit! It's way oily. Here you are! Here you are! Jess! Get changed over here! You've met our captain, Mel? Yeah, nice to meet you. So, are you up for a proper match? Chiswick next. Best defence record. They're due for a good stuffing. Absolutely! We need some pace up front. Jules could do with some decent service. Welcome to the Harriers. Painters and decorators are in. Jules, take over the warm-up. Come on, girls! Keep going! Heads up! Jess, what's going on? It looks awful. That's why I can't wear shorts ever. Jesus! That's a stunner! I thought I had a bad one on my knee but yours is gorgeous! Look, don't worry about it. No-one's gonna care once you're out there. What happened? You don't wanna know. Look. Two operations later and it's still useless. Yours affect your game? No, it just looks awful. I was eight. My mum was working overtime at Heathrow. And I was trying to cook beans on toast. When I jumped up to the grill to get the toast my trousers caught alight. My sister put me in the bath, poured cold water over me, pulled 'em off. But half my skin came off, too. (INHALES SHARPLY) Sorry. I know. Put me off beans on toast for life. Come on. Mine stopped me from playing outright. Yours doesn't. No more dawdling. Sorry about your knee. Yeah, yeah. I'm a right sob story, aren't I? Come on! I wanna see some sweat! # She's all you'd ever want she's the kind you'd like to flaunt # Take to dinner # And she always knows her place she got style, she got grace # She's a winner # She's a lady # Oh, oh, oh # She's a lady # Talking about my little lady # Oh, oh, oh # She's a lady # Ah! # Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh! # Uh! # Ooh-hoo # Well, she's a lady # Oh, oh, oh # She's a lady # Come on, then, boys! Come on! Hey, Tony! What you here for? Fantasy football? Wow, Jess! You look like a pro! Oh, it's brilliant! They're a top team and the coach is ace! Excellent! What's that on your leg? Never seen a burn? That's disgusting, man! Back off, you wanker! (ALL) Whoo! No, it's fine. At least I can still skin you alive! (ALL SHOUT) Oh! (ALL SHOUT) Oh, the skill! The skill! The skill! Oh, the skill! (ALL SHOUT) Chi, chi, chi! He was touching you all over! Putting his hands on your bare legs! You're not a young girl any more! Showing the world your scar! (SPEAKS PUNJABI) Jessie, beti, now that your sister has got engaged it's different. You know how people talk. She's the one getting married, not me! I was married at your age! You don't even want to learn how to cook dhal! I'm not playing with boys any more. Good! End of matter! I'm joining a girl's team. Huh? The coach said I could go far. Go far? Go far to where? Jessie, we let you play all you wanted when you were young, huh? You've played enough! That's not fair! He selected me! He? She said it was girls! The coach. Joe. See how she lies? I don't want you running around half naked in front of men, huh? Look how dark you've become playing in the sun! But I'm really good! Who will want a daughter-in-law who can run around kicking football all day but can't make chapatis? Now exams are over, you learn full Punjabi dinner. Meat and vegetarian. But, Dad - (SPEAKS PUNJABI) No, this is where you spoil her! No, this is how it started with your niece! That girl would answer back! Then becoming a model wearing small skirts. She's a fashion designer! She's divorced! Cast off after three years of being married to a white boy with blue hair. Her poor mother! She hasn't been able to set foot in that temple! I don't want this shame on my family! That's it! No more football! Jessie, your mother is right. It's not nice. You must start behaving like a proper woman, OK? It's out of order! Anything I want it's just not Indian enough for 'em! I never bunked off school like Pinky or Bubbly. I don't wear tarty clothes like them! They just don't see! Parents never see those things. But who can bend a ball like Beckham? Why don't you just play and not tell 'em? Pinky's been sneaking off for years to see Teets and nobody cares. What your parents don't know won't hurt. Why should I have to lie? It's not like I'm sleeping around with anyone! Jess! Jess! Hello! Hi. I thought I'd find you here. This is Tony. This is Jules from the team. Jess is well made up with your team. We've got high hopes for her. Especially me. My mum doesn't want me to play any more. That's bollocks! My mum's never wanted me to play! You can't take no for an answer! My sister's getting married, so my mum and dad are totally stressed out. I won't be able to get to training and matches. Come on, Jess! You can't leave me alone out there! Joe's got an American scout coming over. Anyway, just say you got a summer job. I could put in a good word for you at HMV with me. So, now that's sorted, are you gonna show me what your fella can do? Oh, he's not - Oh, no, I'm not her boyfriend. Jess, come on! Are you playing? Jessie, breakfast! No, I'm in a hurry! (SPEAKS PUNJABI) You can't go to work on an empty stomach, huh? Where's my keys? Jessie! No, I'm late, Mum. Bye! # Hush, my child # And don't you cry # Your folks might understand you # By and by # Just move on up # Toward your destination # Though you may find from time to time # Complication # Bite your lip # and take the trip # Though there may be wet road ahead # And you cannot slip # Just move on up # For peace you'll find # Into the steeple of beautiful people # Where there's only one kind # So, hush now, child # and don't you cry # Your folks might understand you # by and by # Move on up # and keep on wishin' # Remember your dream is your only scheme # So keep on pushin' # Just move on up # Move on up # (SPEAKS PUNJABI) Aloo gobi! * (SHRIEKING) Get off me, man! No-one can see us! (GIGGLING) (PHONE RINGS) Yeah? Mum! No, no, nothing! I'm just at work, innit? Yeah, I know Poli's coming around to do the suits. So, Jess can get the tube, innit? Yeah, alright, alright. I'll pick her up. I gotta go, Mum. Someone's coming, I'll see you later. Bye! (SHRIEKS) My mum and dad ain't got a clue! So, they've no idea you've been playing? Where do they think you are? At work. They think I've got a job at HMV. Blimey! Indian girls aren't supposed to play. That's a bit backward. It ain't just an Indian thing. How many people come out and support us? So, are you promised to someone? No way! My sister's getting married. A love match. What? It's not arranged. Can you marry a white boy? White, no. Black, definitely not. A Muslim? Uh-oh! I guess you'll marry an Indian, then. Probably. You put up with it? It's culture. Better than sleeping with boys you won't marry. That's the best bit! Yeah, you should know! Come on. Are you ready to go? See you slags later! (INDIAN MUSIC PLAYS) It's only me! (SIGHS) Mum, I'm really starving. I had to work through my lunch hour today. Where's Pinky? She was to pick you up so you wouldn't be late for Poli. (CLEARS THROAT) Pinky, why didn't you pick your sister up from work? I went, but the manager said I just missed her. OK, OK. Poli's on her way. I'll make you girls some tea. Alright, who is he, then? Who? You must think I've got shit for brains! Lying about a job! You can't say anything! I kept Teet a secret for you! He's not a Muslim, is he? Ssh! Look, I've been playing football for a women's team. Huh? It's worse than I thought! It's a proper tournament. Real matches. What is wrong with you? If you're gonna lie do it for something good! Don't you want a boyfriend like everyone else? You're quite pretty. Put a bit of make-up on, you'd look alright. Leave her alone! I never put make-up on till after I was married! Jessie's a good girl. She helped me wash all the net curtains. And she made lovely aloo gobi last week. Waist, 25. Under bust, 28. Bust... That's too tight and rude! No, I want my choli more fitted. That's the style. Make it 34�. No. Tighter. OK, 34. No! Hey, how you going to breathe? Jess. Oh, Mum, why do I have to wear a sari? It'll just fall down! Your first sari is when you become a woman. Chal Poli, sari, blouse, and petticoat. So, bust 31. No, it's too tight. I want it looser. Who's going to notice you, huh? (SPEAKS PUNJABI) Don't worry, Sukiji. In one of our designs even these mosquito bites will look like juicy juicy mangoes! (ALL LAUGH) Poli! Under bust, 27. The waist, 27. Mum, I'll need to buy different shoes to go with the sari and the suits. Come again? She's coming into line now. I'll pay for one pair. Can you give me money for the other? You need one black and one white. # I know I make mistakes # I will have to live and learn... # (LAUGHS) # Sometimes you play with fire # And sometimes you get burned # I have my dream to live # following that star # It doesn't matter how long it takes # It doesn't matter how far # No time for make believing # And it's too late to turn back now # Yeah, yeah, yeah # I've been dreaming about it # I can't live without it # I've got to find my own way # I'm not changing my mind now # Or looking behind now # This is my Independence # Day # My Independence Day (INDIAN MUSIC PLAYS) Can we change the channel, please? It's nearly the end. Mum, she's back! Jesminder, you've been gone all day for two pairs of shoes! Come here! It's not that late. I was looking at other things, too. Like handbags. Can I see 'em? I'll try them on with the suit. Let me see 'em! Come here! Hey! You've been smoking? No! Chi, chi, chi! Cigarette! (SPEAKS PUNJABI) I've never smoked! But I had to go to the loo so I went into a pub. You can smell my breath. (SPEAKS PUNJABI) She might be right. These don't even have a heel! How will they fall nicely with the...? I'll take them back. Football shoes! (SPEAKS PUNJABI) You can't give 'em back. I've gotta get proper shoes for the wedding. Don't worry. Come over to mine. I'll sort you out. Come on, girls! Wake up! God, my mum had a fit when she saw my boots! And I smelled like an ashtray! I had to clean all the big saucepans after dinner. Yack, yack! Jess,... ..everything alright? Yes. Training getting in the way of your conversation? No, Coach. Good. Five more laps round the pitch. Elbows to knees. Joe, that is totally out of order! Hey, I don't remember telling the rest of you to stop. Move it! You're doing very well. Keep it up for another two minutes. Good, Mackie. Good, Sally. Excellent! Excellent! Jess! You can stop now! I said stop. You're doing yourself an injury. Just one more lap. I said stop! Ow! Come on, let's have a look at you. It's nothing. Sit down. Let me decide if it's nothing. Why didn't you tell me you twisted it? I don't want you to think I'm not as strong as the others. That's stupid, Jess. Look, my dad was my coach. Scouts told him I was too slight to play. So, he kept pushing me. That's how I screwed my knee. Your dad made you? I wanted to show him I wasn't soft. So, I tried to play injured. He was a bit of a bastard. You shouldn't say that about your dad. You don't know my dad. Alright. Come on. Good. Now put your weight on me. There you are. Oh, my God! Just give 'em back after the wedding. My mum loves them. She stuck the bows on herself. Oh, thanks! You sure she won't miss 'em? Nah. Listen, I hope Joe wasn't too hard on you. Some of the girls think he's too strict. He was nice. Professional. I love that picture. It was taken just after we beat Millwall. Oh! You've gotta see this, it's wicked! "WUSA soccer!" Wow! "Yeah, WUSA!" We don't have anything like that. "On the attack. The cross comes in. Goal!" "Mia Hamm, footballer of the year!" "Milbrett makes a run. She shoots!" "Goal! Tiffeny Milbrett scores for New York!" "Lily strikes!" "Brandi Chastain!" "Saved!" "Smith beats the keeper. Goal for Kelly Smith, England international!" Anyway, when are you gonna tell your parents about your game? I dunno. You can't keep lying. You're too good. Coo-ee! Hide the shoes. Sweetheart? I'm up here, Mum! Oh, it's hot out there. Oh, you got company. Hello, love. Yeah. Er, Mum, this is Jess. Jess. Jess? Is that Indian? It's really Jesminder, but only my mum calls me that. Oh, that's nice. Jesminder. Lovely. Well, Jesminder, I bet your room doesn't look like this, with all these butch women on the wall. Mum! I'm not old like you! Jess, I hope you can teach my daughter a bit about your culture. Including respect for elders and the like, eh? Cheeky madam! Well, Jess, you're a lucky girl, aren't you? I expect your parents are fixing you up with a handsome young doctor. Mum, stop embarrassing yourself! What? I'm just being friendly. You don't mind, do you? Course not! Are you a friend from school? She's a footballer. She's on the team with me. Oh. (BOTH LAUGH) (SPEAKS PUNJABI) Jesminder! Did you see her face, though? Juliette! Jesminder! What was that? Oh! Jesus! Are you alright? Sorry! Aargh! Jules, you know Joe? Do you like him? Nah. He'd get sacked if he was caught shagging one of his players. Really? Sometimes I wish I could find a bloke just like him, though, that wasn't off limits. Everyone I know is a prat. They think that girls can't play as well as them. Except Joe. Yeah. I hope I end up marrying an Indian boy like him, too. (SNORTS) What? I'm sorry! Shut up! (ENGINE REVS) Assertive ` that's how I describe my driving. On the open road, you're aiming for about 10 to 15 above the road sign. Nah, nah, passengers don't get to call the shots. I'm the one driving, so I choose the speed. (WEATHER REPORT PLAYS ON RADIO) (ENGINE REVS) If you wanna drive, then you can drive. That's what I always fire back. They just don't understand how you can drive quickly and safely. If anyone tells me to slow down, I give them the same response every time ` my car, my rules. * (SPEAKS PUNJABI) (SPEAKS PUNJABI) We're not trying to cause trouble. We felt it our duty to tell you. Now it's a matter for your own family. (SPEAKS PUNJABI) You know how hard it is for our children over here. They misjudge, and behave like the kids here. Children are a map of their parents. (SPEAKS PUNJABI) (SPEAKS PUNJABI) Stupid flippin' cow! You've ruined your sister's life! Happy now? My whole wedding's been called off cos of you! Me? Why? They saw you being filthy with an English boy! I wasn't with any English boy! They saw you at a bus stop kissing him! Stupid bitch! Why couldn't you do it in secret! Kissing? Me? A boy? You're bloody mad! Don't use those swearing words! I was at the 120 bus stop today, but with Juliette. My friend, she's a girl. And we weren't kissing or anything. For God's sake! Swear by Bubaji. I swear on Bubaji's name. Sometimes these English girls have such short hair. You just can't tell. They must have made a mistake. Those parents are just making an excuse. We were never good enough for them. No, Mum. It's all her fault! She was with some dyke from a football team! She's still playing! She ain't got no job! She been lying! Oh! Two deceiving daughters! What did I do wrong in my past life? She's the one that's ruined my life! Don't think I didn't know you were sneaking out with Teetu! (SPEAKS PUNJABI) Well, just talk to them, innit? I promise I'll go and talk to them! Jules, come here to me. Where's your mate? I dunno. This is the second training session in a row she's missed. It's not like her. Did she say she was unhappy with anything? Her parents didn't know she was on the team. Maybe they found out. What? She said her folks were up for it. I told her to tell them. She won't listen. (BELL CHIMES) I'll get it! (SPEAKS PUNJABI) Yeah? Hello. Thanks, Jess. I'm sorry to barge in on you, Mr and Mrs Bhamra. I wanted to talk to you. I just found out that you didn't know Jess was playing for our team. No, we didn't. I apologise. I would have encouraged Jess to tell you. I believe she's got tremendous potential. I think we know better our daughter's potential. Jess has no time for games. She'll be starting university soon. Playing is an honour. What bigger honour than respecting your elders? Young man, when I was a teenager in Nairobi I was the best fast bowler in our school. Our team even won the East African Cup. But when I came to this country, nothing! I was not allowed to play in any team. And those bloody gorehs in their clubhouses made fun of my turban and sent me off packing! I'm sorry, Mr Bhamra. But now it's - Now, what? None of our boys are in any of the football leagues. Do you think they'd let our girls? Don't build up Jesminder's hopes. She will only end up disappointed like me. But it's changing now. Nasser Hussein, he's captain of the England cricket team. He's Asian. Hussein is a Muslim name. Their families are different. Mum! We've been invited to play in Germany this Saturday. It's a shame you'll miss it! Wow! Germany! I can see what you're up against. Parents don't always know what's best, Jess. They're all here. You're all in, yeah? Shit! (HORN BEEPS) Know the score? Yeah, call 'em twice a day. Trust me, I'm a expert. Take care, alright? Laters. We're supposed to be staying at my cousin's. I didn't hear that. # Aha, make me tonight # Tonight # Make it right... # Cheese! # Ah-ha, make me tonight # Tonight # Tonight # Oh # Ah-ha, make it magnificent... # Jess! Come on, cross it, Jess! # Right # Oh # Oh, your hair is beautiful # Oh # Tonight # Atomic (ANNOUNCER SPEAKS GERMAN) (CONTINUES TO ANNOUNCE IN GERMAN) Go on, Jess! Jess! Come on, Jess, you can do this! (ALL CHEER) (ANNOUNCER CONTINUES IN GERMAN) Yeah, Mum, I'm fine. Pinky's fine. we're all cooking, er,... (Pasta.) ..pasta. I'd better go, Pinky's burning it! Yeah, OK. Say hi to Dad, yeah? OK. Bye, Mum. Good. They sound happy. Pinky will meet someone new and Jess will forget this football nonsense. And dinner is ready? (SPEAKS PUNJABI) Ah, but let me wash up first. Suki. Call her back. I want to speak to them. I want to speak to them! OK, Baba. I didn't bring anything for a club. I didn't know they'd take us clubbing. I bet it's to gloat. Mel? We need some help. Jess! Doesn't she look good? She looks good! Yeah! Let's get a taxi. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) Hello, darlin'. How's Jules? I'm fine. How are you? Are you gonna dance with me, then? No. Come on! Are you gonna dance with me? You're such a wuss! I'm sorry I missed that penalty, Coach. It's OK. Losing to the Jerries on penalties comes natural to you English. You're part of a tradition. Enough about football! Dance with me! No! You are! No! I'm not taking no for an answer! # I turn to you # like a flower leaning towards the sun # I turn to you # Cos you're the only one # who can turn me around # when I'm upside down # Down, down # I turn to you # I turn to you # When my insides are wracked with anxiety # You have the touch that will quiet me # You lift my spirit, you melt the ice # The ice, the ice, the ice # When I need inspiration when I need advice # I turn to you # like a flower leaning toward the sun # I turn to you # Cos you're the only one # You can turn me around # Jess! Whoa! Steady on there, young one! Are you alright? Sure? Oh. Oh, God! I only a had couple of wines. Oh, my head! It's too smoky in there. Yeah. # I wish I # could right now # wish that I could show you how # That was so brilliant, the way you came to my house. You were brave enough to face my mum. Your dad can't be as mad as her. Your mam's a barrel of laughs compared to me dad. I don't need to feel close to my family, Jess. I don't need you to feel sorry for me. You bitch! * Jules! Are you alright, Jess? Is that your mum and dad? What haven't we done for these girls, huh? We bought a car for Pinky. Jessie wanted computer, music centre, TV, video. Pinks, how do you know Teet's the one? I just know. When you're in love with someone you'll do anything for that person. Pinks, do you think Mum and Dad will speak to me if I ever brought home a goreh? Who? No-one. I'm just saying. It's that coach bloke! I knew something was up when he came here! No, nothing's happened! Well, you make sure it doesn't, alright? Look, Jess, you can marry anyone you want. It's fine at first when you're in love, but do you wanna be the one everyone stares at, cos you married the English bloke? He's Irish. They look all the bloody same to them, innit? Why go to so much grief when there's so many good-looking Indian boys? They wear good clothes, got flashy jobs. Even know how to cook and wash up. How about Tony? He's been mad on you for ages! Hm? Give it your best shot, then. Jess. Hello. Hi. Was that the club chairman? Yeah. They're considering me as assistant coach for the men's side next year. That's great! Congratulations! I probably won't get it. Better not to count on anything. You deserve it. Look, I really wanted to see you - I've already forgotten about it. Yeah, good. Me, too. Your mam and dad didn't look too pleased. I suppose you've come to tell me you're off the team for good. It's not fair. I feel like I'm either going to let the team down or piss them off. I don't want to upset anyone. Why are they so frightened to let you play? They wanna protect me. From what? This is taking me away from everything they know. Whose life are you living, Jess? If you try pleasing 'em forever you're gonna end up blaming 'em. What, like you? I'm sorry. No, you're right. I stopped talking to my dad because we had nothing to talk about. I spent a year getting pissed, trying to forget about the game. But I couldn't. But I can't just stop talking to them like you. I don't talk to my dad because I know what he'd say. He'd piss himself if he found out I was coaching girls. How do you know that? How do you know he wouldn't be proud you didn't just give up? You should be proud of what you've given all of us. Then, why are you giving up? Jeswinder, isn't it? Jesminder. Jesminder! Oh, yeah, I'm sorry! I cooked a lovely curry the other day. (KNOCK AT DOOR) Darling? Oh, are you still not up? Guess who's come to see you. It's your Indian friend from football. Oh, Jules has been ever so down since you lost in Germany. Maybe you can cheer her up a bit, eh? Did you want some tea? I've made some cheese straws with real Gruyere. Jess won't stay long. Oh. Well, um, just give us a shout downstairs if there's anything you two fancy. Alright? (FOOTSTEPS RETREATING) Look, Jules, I feel really bad about what happened. Yeah, well, you should. I'm sorry. I don't want you to be in a strop with me. I'm not! It was a mistake! I didn't know what I was doing! I can't believe you kissed him! I didn't. Yeah, right !) Jess, I know what I saw! You knew he was off limits! Don't pretend to be so innocent. You knew exactly how I felt about him. You're acting as if you're in love! You don't know the meaning of love! You've really hurt me, Jess! That's all there is to it! You've betrayed me! So, that's it? Yeah, that's it! Bye! Bye, Mrs Paxton. What's going on? That is why she's been so depressed lately! Cos that Jess broke her heart! She's in love! With a girl! (CRIES) You're jumping to all the wrong conclusions. But I heard her! (SOBS) No wonder she never looked twice at that Kevin! Or brought any boys home. You know, I tried to get her nice clothes. We've had some lovely prints in this summer. You know, in swimwear and sarongs and that. But she never wants to go shopping with me. It was terrible what they did to that George Michael. Going on about him and all his private business in the papers. Oh, no! (CRIES) George Michael is still a superstar and you still listen to Wham! Do you fancy me, Tony? I like you, yeah - Maybe we can go out, then. What's going on? I just think I need an Indian boyfriend. What is going on, Jess? You're acting all weird. I'm sorry. You know my coach, yeah? Yeah. I nearly kissed him in Germany. (LAUGHS) Wow! And that's why you need an Indian boyfriend? Jules likes him, too, and now she hates me. Look, Jessie, you can't plan who you fall for. It just happens. I mean look at Posh and Becks. Beckham's the best. Yeah. I really like Beckham, too. Of course you do. No-one can cross a ball or bend it like Beckham. No, Jess. I really like Beckham. What, you mean...? But you're Indian! I haven't told anyone. God, what's your mum gonna say? My sister thinks you're mad about me! I am. I just don't wanna marry you. (SHOUTING) I wonder what all those tossers would say if they knew. Jess, you're not gonna tell anyone. Of course not. It's OK, Tony. I mean, it's OK with me. Yeah. Well, you fancying your goreh coach is OK with me. Besides, he's quite fit! Jenny Craig works. Check this out. I lost 37 kilos. I lost 39 kilos. And I lost 37 kilos on Jenny Craig. VOICEOVER: The Jenny Craig difference is that your consultant will keep you on track, and the meals are convenient and delicious. Join Jenny Craig today with our special offer - only $8 for an 8 week membership. Cost of food additional. What are you waiting for? Jenny Craig is here to help you lose weight AND keep it off. So call 0800 502 302. * Be back by three. I can't keep him at the temple all day. I owe you. Laters. Get back into bed. Bring me back some langar. Chi! We're going to pray to God to give you both sense! Not bring back food for you. (SPEAKS PUNJABI) # Red alert, red alert, it's a catastrophe # But don't worry # Don't panic # Ain't nothing going on but history, yeah... # Honestly, Dad, I'll go inside and get it. # And the music keeps on playing # on and on... # Jessie, it's only me! # And the music keeps on... # (SPEAKS PUNJABI) # On and on... # Jessie? Jessie? # Red alert, red alert, it's a catastrophe # But don't worry... # What? They don't all look like les's, do they? Lads! Check out the boobs on the captain! They must get in the way! She's lucky she ain't knocked herself out, running up and down with them! Can't you just see them as footballers? (ALL LAUGH) What? (WHISTLE BLOWS) To the side! To the side! Come on, move it! Down 1-0! Come on! Over here! Over here! Come on! (ALL SHOUT) Go on, Jess! Jules! Over! Jules! (ALL CHEER) Whoo! (ALL) Aw! Come on, Harriers! Me! Me! Over here, Jules! Yes! (ALL CHEER) Go on, Jess! Go on! Aargh! What you playing at? Piss off, Paki! Sod you! (ALL SHOUT) Number seven! Go away! Go away! Number seven, come here. Did you see that? What's wrong with you, Ref? Violent conduct towards another player. Off! (ALL PROTEST) You haven't seen any of it, have you? She grabbed her and it's out of order! She is so hard! Oh, man! Unlucky, Tony, mate! Shut up! (LAUGHS) What's wrong with you? I don't ever wanna see that from you again! Do you hear me? We're lucky they're not suspending players. Alright, excellent! We've got QPR in the final! Give yourself three cheers! Hip, hip! (ALL) Hooray! Hip, hip! Hooray! Hip, hip! Hooray! Brilliant! Well done! Why did you yell? You knew the ref was out of order! Jess, you could have cost us the tournament! But it wasn't my fault! You didn't have to shout at me! Jess, I am your coach! I have to treat you the same as everyone else! Look, Jess, I saw it. She fouled you. She tugged your shirt. You just overreacted, that's all. That's not all. She called me a Paki, but I guess you wouldn't understand how that feels. Jess, I'm Irish. Of course I'd understand what that feels like. (SNIFFS) Jesminder? Please come... Oh, here he is! Er, Tejinder's mother and father have, um, come to speak to us. (ALL GREET IN PUNJABI) Are you well? Thank you, yes. (What's happening?) Teet's mum and dad have come to eat dirt. Stupid cow! I don't know who she thinks she is in that sari! (SPEAKS PUNJABI) No mother can watch her son go through this. Our Pinky, she didn't come out of her room for days. She was crying. Our Teetu also! For days he has eaten nothing and drank nothing! Next week we'll come and plan. You call me. Teetu, come. Bye-bye. Thank you for coming. Thanks, Dad! Mum! I'm getting married! We'll give them a wedding party they won't forget their whole life! Find out which date the hall's free. I'll do that. Jessie, get the old wedding cards. We'll change the dates by hand. Now... My name is Mohan Singh Bhamra. ..and paneer tikka! We'll show them we're not poor people! Hello. Just hold on. Will Sunday the 25th be OK? The 25th? There's a cancellation. No, that's too soon. We need more time. Just hold on, please. 25th is only available date. After that there is no date for five months. Don't let me wait that long! Just do it before something else goes wrong! But, Dad, the 25th - (SPEAKS PUNJABI) No, that was not for you. I'm so excited! Your sister needs you. Mel said you wanted to see me. It's about Jess. I don't wanna talk about Germany, Joe. Listen, Jules - I'm over it. I don't even know why I was surprised! You think about no-one but yourself! You're leaving us next season! Nothing's been decided. Bollocks! You've already lied about the American scout! He's never gonna show up, is he? You can't bear the idea of anyone else making it because you can't! He's coming to the final. What? He saw you play in Germany. Oh. I thought... Don't worry about it. * Jess. We all missed you at training today. Especially Joe. He, um, he told me what happened with your dad. He did? Yeah. He's,... he's worried he's gotten you into even more trouble. I'm really in the shit. Dad hasn't talked to me since. He'll never let me go back to join the team. But you can't miss the final. Jess, there's gonna be an American scout there! I can't! It's the same day as my sister's wedding. Oh, shit! Well, can't you get away for a bit? You don't understand. What are you gonna have to give up next? Don't rub it in, right? You came here cos you need me if that bloody scout shows up. Look, I came here cos Joe was worried about you. I'll just tell him he's wasting his bloody time! OK. The teriyaki sauce is the goalkeeper. The posh French mustard is the defender. The salt is the attacker. Sea salt. The sea salt is the attacker. When the ball's played forward the salt must be level with the mustard. Hello, darlin'. Right, now, watch and concentrate. Offside. Onside. Offside. Onside. What are you doing? Well, if the mountain won't come to Mohammed... What? Don't laugh. I'm trying to teach your mother the offside rule. I've decided I've got to take an interest or I'm going to lose you. This way we can all enjoy football as a family. Right. So, don't tell me. The offside rule is... ..when... the French mustard has to be between... the teriyaki sauce... ..and the sea salt. She's got it! Got it! Wonderful! You read all these as well? Yeah. Oh, do you know what? One of those England girls' players is a maths teacher as well. And she's happily married with a baby. (SPEAKS PUNJABI) ..A-level results. (CONTINUES TO SPEAKS PUNJABI) ..A-level results. Hurry up, Mum! Good. Thank you! Thank you! (SPEAKS PUNJABI) Jesminder Kaur Bhamra. (SPEAKS PUNJABI) You can become a fine doctor or solicitor now. # Dream # And serene # Dream # Dream the dream # Dream # And serene # Dream # Dream the dream # Dream # And serene # Dream # Dream the dream # She's not coming, Joe. Her sister's wedding's on Sunday. Shit! Guess I'm on my own, then. You'll impress the scout, no worries. How was she? A right stroppy cow, actually. She's really pissed off and she doesn't know what to do. Go on! Kick the ball! Kick the ball! Three players coming behind you, hunting you! Yes? I'm sorry to bother you like this. I don't have anything to say to you. Appreciated. And I won't keep you long from the celebrations. There's a scout coming to our final match tomorrow. So? So, it's the opportunity of a lifetime for Jess. Please, Mr Bhamra, don't let her talent go to waste. Thank you. What did he say, Dad? Don't play with your future, beti. Wait! I'm sorry about the final. No, I'm sorry, Jess. I got my results. I'm starting university soon. I won't have time to train and stuff. That's a shame. I could have seen you play for England some day. Jules still has a shot. She told me about the scout coming. Sorry I'm letting her down. I asked that scout to come for you, too. He's interested in both of you. Me? Why are you doing this to me, Joe? Every time I talk myself out of it you come and make it sound so easy. I guess I don't wanna give up on you. (PARTY NOISE) So, er, are you promised to one of those blokes in there? Don't be silly! I'm not promised to anyone. You're lucky. To have a family that cares that much about you. I can understand you don't wanna mess with it. Joe - And I don't fancy being busted by your dad again. Better get back. I hope all goes well for you tomorrow. And good luck with your studies. Come and see us sometime. (INDIAN MUSIC PLAYS) * We're going to a football match. It's not Ascot. You look lovely. (ALL) Ah! Beautiful! Eyes down! Look sad! Don't smile! Indian bride never smiles, you'll ruin the video! What does she look like? She looks like a jar of bloody ragu, innit? Where is the flippin' Rolls? Can't anything happen without me? # One, two, three # Yeah, yeah # Yeah, yeah # Yeah, yeah # Yeah, yeah # Yeah, yeah # Yeah, yeah # Ah # You gave me something like loving # and took me in so soon # You took my feelings from nothing # Came back at noon # And just maybe I'm ready # to show myself to you # So, if I lose my patience # You must try to understand # Try to understand # And if I lose my patience # Oh, yeah # Cos you make me feel # Yeah, yeah # Cos you make me feel wild # You touch my inner smile # You got me in the mood # So, come on, make your rule # and free me # Tony, what you doing? We can make the second half. You're mad! Mum and Dad will go spare! I've gotta put 'em first today! They won't even notice! I can't! Look at how happy they are, Tony! I don't wanna ruin it for 'em! What? Nothing. It's the final of the football tournament. I can drive her there and back. It won't take long. Stop it, Tony! Dad, it doesn't matter. This is more important. I don't wanna spoil it. You look as if you've come to your father's funeral. Sorry, Dad. If this is the only way I'll see you smile on your sister's wedding day, then go now. When you come back I want to see you happy on the video. Play well and make us proud! Joe! What's happening? Start warming up, Bhamra. We're 1-0 down. Half an hour to go. Come on, ref! Ref! Ten yards. Keep going. Keep moving back. Form a wall! Form a wall! (WHISTLE BLOWS) Well done, Juney! Have any of you seen Jesminder Massi? Jesminder! (SPEAKS PUNJABI) Go on, girl! One all! Over! Over! Aargh! (WHISTLE BLOWS) "Nessun Dorma" - Tito Betran (ALL CHEER) Chuck it in the net! Where's this bit go? Round that way. Tuck it in! Tuck it in! You're sorted there. Where does that bit go? Over your shoulder? Paxton, Bhamra, are you decent? Yes! Oh, is that the coach? Mm. Oh, she's talking to someone. Who's that? Dunno. He looks important. Yeah. I haven't seen him before. Look how happy she is, though. I know. Alright! (SHRIEKS) Dad, I can't believe it! It was amazing! My eyes glazed over! What a game for him to see! It's incredible. Santa Clara! It's in California! It's, like, one of the top teams! He said he could give us a full scholarship. You wouldn't have to pay nothing. It's so amazing! Me and Jess there together! The pair of us! Come on. I'm not blaming you, but it is the football. It is. (SNIFFS) Come on, darling. Come on. I'm off, then! Sweetheart, where you going in,... in your best trousers? Out. Where? Who with? To meet Jess at her sister's wedding to celebrate. Wait! Um, I'll take you. Oh, thanks, Mum. My God, it's so colourful! Everyone looks brilliant! Look at the car! How are you? You're gorgeous! Hello, Mrs Paxton. How could you be such a hypocrite? Hm? How could you be all respectful here with your lot when I know you've been kissing my daughter? Mm? Get your lesbian feet out of my shoes! Lesbian? Her birthday's in March. I thought she was a Pisces. Hah-hah, she no Lebanese! She Punjabi! Do you mind? This is my wedding! How could you do that, sweetheart? What is wrong with you? What are you talking about? What the bleeding hell's going on? That gori going on about you being a lesboff! You fancy your coach! I don't know what she was saying! Jess, don't you want all of this? Well, it's the best day of your life, innit? I want more than this. They've offered me and Jules a scholarship to go to America. No way would Dad let you go and live abroad without marrying first. What the hell were you thinking? I saw you with my own eyes! You were kissing after your match! I'm not stupid, you know! And, anyway, look at the clothes you wear! Mother, just cos I wear trackies and play sport does not make me a lesbian! Me and Jess were fighting because we both fancied our coach. Joe. Joe? What, a man, Joe? Yeah, as in male. Joe. Joe. Our coach, Joe. Man, Joe. Oh! Anyway, being a lesbian, it's not that big a deal! Oh, no, sweetheart! Of course it isn't! No. No. I mean, I've got nothing against it. I cheered for Martina Navratilova as much as the next person. I couldn't understand what that English woman was saying. She was talking about kissing? She was confused like Teetu's parents. So hard when girls have short hair. We were making too much noise. English people always complaining when we having functions. (SPEAKS PUNJABI) Why did she take Jesminder's shoes? (ALL DISCUSS IN PUNJABI) (SIGHS) How am I gonna tell 'em, Tony? I have to now, or I'll end up a solicitor bored out my mind. Come with me. Mum, Uncleji, Auntyji, we've got something we wanna tell you. Why is he holding her hand? You know we've been friends for a long time. We'd like to ask for your blessings. We'd like to get engaged. (ALL GASP) But look, there's one condition. I want Jesminder to go to college first, anywhere that she wants. Of course! (SPEAKS PUNJABI) Well, we have relatives all the way in Glasgow, in Portsmouth! Mum, Dad, Tony's lying. We're not getting married. Tony only said that to help me, but I'm not lying any more. I played in the final today, and we won. How? When? I wasn't going to go but Dad let me. And it was brilliant! I played the best ever! And I was happy because I wasn't sneaking off and lying to you. I didn't ask to be good at football. Gura Nanak must have blessed me. Anyway, there was a scout from America there today. And he's offered me a place at a top university, with a free scholarship and a chance to play football professionally. And I really want to go. And if I can't tell you what I want now, then I'll never be happy. You let her leave her sister's wedding to go to a football match! If you could handle her long face, I could not. I didn't have the heart to stop her. And that's why she's ready to go all the way to America now! (MUTTERING) She's dead, man! It's alright. I'm just leaving. When those English cricket players threw me out of their club like a dog,... ..I never complained. On the contrary, I vowed that I will never play again. Who suffered? Me. But I don't want Jessie to suffer. I don't want her to make the same mistake that her father made of accepting life, accepting situations. I want her to fight. And I want her to win. Because I have seen her playing. She is brilliant! I don't think anybody has the right of stopping her. Two daughters made happy on one day. What else can a father ask? At least I've taught her full Indian dinner. The rest is up to God. (BOTH LAUGH) Joe! I'm going! They said I could go! (CHEERING) I'm sorry, I forgot! It's OK now. I'm not your coach any more. We can do what we want. Joe... Your dad's not here, is he? I'm sorry, Joe, I can't. I thought you wanted... Letting me go is a really big step for my mum and dad. I don't know how they'd survive if I told them about you, too. I guess there's not much point with you going to America, anyway. Is there? It's not perfume, is it? It's not. Go on. It was your mum's idea. It was. Oh! Oh, thank you so much! Keep this by your bed. Phone Papu Uncle in Canada as soon as you land. At least there's some family close by. Excuse me, it's getting late. They'd better board the plane. Jess! That's her coach. What are you doing here? They offered me the job coaching the men's side. No more pulling pints. That's great. Yeah. I turned them down. What? Why did you -? I'm gonna coach the girls' side. They want us to turn pro next year. Wow! I can't lose all my best players to the yanks. That's brilliant, Joe! You should tell your dad. I already did. Are you sure we're doing the right thing? What God has written for her will happen. Relax. Maybe after they've trained you up I'll sign you. You wish. Look, I can't let you go without knowing. What? That even with the distance and the concerns of your family, we might still have something. Don't you think? # Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa # Whoa, whoa, whoa, yeah, yeah... # Oh, my God, Dad! It's Beckham! Oh, it's a sign! Jess, look, it's Becks! # Cos you make me feel # Yeah, yeah # Cos you make me feel wild # You touch my inner smile... # I'm back at Christmas. We'll tackle my mum and dad then. Yeah. I'd better go. # And touch my inner smile # Get my inner smile... # OK, see you later, mate. Have a good time, alright? And you. Come on, you two. You'll miss the plane. Ticket, go! Go! See you later. Bye, sweetheart. # Just move on up # To a crazy game # With just a little faith # if you put your mind to it you can show how to do it # Just move on up # Move on up # Move on up # Oh, child, we'll just move on up # We'll move on up # Move on up # Yes! Yes! No, no, no, no! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, no! No! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) (SINGS IN PUNJABI) # Feelin' hot hot hot (ALL SING IN PUNJABI) # Feelin' hot hot hot (ALL SING IN PUNJABI) (CONTINUE TO SING IN PUNJABI) # Ole, ole # Ole, ole # Ole, ole, ole, ole (ALL CONTINUE TO SING IN PUNJABI) # Feelin' hot hot hot... # (ALL CHEER) # Feelin' hot hot hot... # (ALL) Whoo! How are you feeling? (ALL) Hot! Hot! Hot! How are you feeling? Hot, hot, hot! How are you feeling? Hot, hot, hot. (SINGING IN PUNJABI) I've totally (BLEEP) forgot the line! (ANNOUNCER BOOMS) Sorry! (SINGING IN PUNJABI CONTINUES) # (ALL) Ole, ole, ole, ole # (ALL) Ole, ole, ole, ole # Feeling hot hot hot # (ALL) Feelin' hot hot hot # (ALL) Feelin' hot hot hot # (ALL) Ole, ole, ole, ole # Ole, ole, ole, ole # Feelin' hot hot hot... # (BEEPING) # Feelin' hot hot hot # Ole, ole # Ole, ole # Ole, ole # Ole, ole Feeling hot, hot, hot. (ALL LAUGH) Excellent. Thank you. Laters! (ALL LAUGH) www.able.co.nz Able 2019