# 'Listen to the Music' - Dangerman Captions by IMS Subtitles. Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Able 2019 (ALARM CLOCK) # Grand Theft Audio - 'We Luv U' What's up? Animal Planet. Man, I just had the craziest dream. About what? I don't remember. Yeah. Hey? Yeah. 'Morning, guys. (BOTH) 'Morning, Gene. (ZIPPER) What did we do last night? I don't know. Wait, didn't the twins have a party? Yeah, that's it. The twins had a party. Right! Right. Were we there? I assume so. Or what kind of boyfriends would we be? Any messages? Nope. See you tomorrow, Gene. Shibby! How do you know Gene? Huh? Oh, I thought he was your friend. No, no, I don't know him. I'm starving. It's... pudding. I always wondered what that much pudding would look like. Is it possible that we got so wasted last night that we bought a lifetime's supply of pudding, then forgot? I'd say it's entirely possible. (RINGS) 'Jesse and Chester are shibby at the moment.' 'Please leave your shibby at the beep. (BOTH) Shibby.' 'What happened last night? You show up with people, pizzas and a keg.' 'Now our house is trashed.' 'You guys are sucky boyfriends.' 'You're probably sitting there in your underwear.' 'Playing stupid Thumb Wars.' 'In those ridiculous helmets.' 'If you are, you've probably forgotten our anniversary.' (BOTH) 'Which is today!' 'That means you don't get any special treats.' 'Thank you for trashing our house.' (BOTH) ''Bye!' The twins sound pissed. A good thing we got gifts. Yeah. So,... where are the gifts? They must be in your car. Right, in the car. We'll take the gifts to the twins, get our treats. What do they mean by special treats? We've been going out for a year and we haven't had sex. Special treats is code for sex. Of course! Special treats! Sex. Open up, you two suckers! Mr Pizzacoli. You guys left work last night with 30 pizzas that didn't get delivered! I want some answers! Uh-oh! Open the door! It's open. Argh! Moron! Well, I'm sorry! (HAMMERING) Hey. Mr Pizzacoli. Hi. How are you doin'? 30 pizzas didn't get delivered! If you took my pizzas home for your own pleasure, I will crush you like a doodle bug! Look! It's an elephant! What?! (GLASS BREAKS, CAT MEWS) It was just a mailman. You are the most irresponsible, not to mention disappointing, employees ever to work at Mr Pizzacoli's Pronto Pizza Delivery! A trained dolphin could do it better! Well, sure, but the pizzas would get all wet. Look! A unicorn! A unicorn? Sorry, I guess it was just a regular horse. Weird. You've been embezzling my pizza and I will catch you eventually. When I do, I swear, you will never deliver pizzas in this town again! (DOOR SLAMS) Close one. Yeah. We'll go to the twins', give them their gifts, apologise for trashing their house. Then we'll get our special treats. Where's my car? Where's your car? Dude, where's my car? Where's your car, dude? Dude, where's my car? Where's your car, dude? Did I drive last night? Yeah, I think so. I'm not sure. (SNIGGERS) Dude, where's your car? Dude, it's not funny, dude. The car is gone. Yeah. Dude, where is my car? (GIGGLES) Shut up, dude! OK. Look, we need to get back in the state of mind we were in last night. Then we can retrace our steps. Yeah. Sense memory, simulated perception, altered consciousness, memory retrieval. Discovery Channel. Nice. Nelson's? Shibby. Yeah. I'm sick of walking, dude. Me, too. Hey, it's Mrs Krableman. She'll give us a ride. Hey! Mrs Krableman! Hey! Hey! Mrs Krableman. (TYRES SQUEAL) Fuckin' stoners. She must not have recognised you. Hey, it's the Bigglemans. Oh, hey. Mr Biggleman! Hey, Mr Biggleman. Maybe we should just walk. Yeah. Nelson, the car's gone and we need to do this sense memory thing to get back into last night's state of mind. Deep in your consciousness you must look. Concentrate on the knowledge inside, you must. Ah-hah! Your eyes you must close. Then you take it to the Mo. M... (CHANTS) Mo-o-o-o-o-o. Ooops! Mo-o-o-o-o-o. (CHANTS) (CLEARS THROAT) Concentrating you're not, dudes. Sorry. Is your dog dead? He's not dead. Come here, Jacko. Come here, boy. I don't think he's coming. Maybe he's deaf. Deaf he is not. Come here, Jacko, come here. Does he know any other tricks besides not moving? Right, man, you want to see a trick, man? Hey, Jacko. (LAUGHS) (COOS) Yeah. Bite down, killer. Here comes the fun. (LAUGHS) All right. Good boy, Jacko. Good boy. Breathe deep. There you go. Dude, your dog's a stoner. Can he also bong a beer? Nah, all he does is lie around and smoke his pipe. Can I see your pipe? No! Don't... He's very protective of his pipe. People to touch it, he does not like. Sorry, Jacko. Yeah. See, he's sorry. Holy crap. That's one psycho dog, dude. You know what we should do now? Eat? No. Eat. Choice excellent, my friend. I'll get the keys. # Ween - 'Voodoo Lady' Nelson, let me order. (CHINESE WOMAN) Chinese food. May I help you? I'd like to place an order. What you like? Three orders of garlic chicken. And then? And then three of white rice. And then? And then... Do you guys want soup? (BOTH) Sure. Yeah, three orders of Wonton soup. And then? Oh, some fortune cookies too. And then? Er,... Gosh, I think that's about it. And then? No, that's it. And then? No and then. That's all I want. And then?! And then... and then... and then nothing else, I'm done ordering, OK? And then?! Er,... no, no. All I want is three orders of the garlic chicken and white rice. Huh! And then?! And the soup, dude. And the Wonton soup. And then? And the cookies fortune. And the fortune cookies, yes. So it's just the chicken, the rice, the soup and the fortune cookies. And that's it. And the-e-e-en? And then you can put it in a brown paper bag, cos I'm ready to eat. And the-e-e-en? Hey! I refuse to play your Chinese food mind games. And then? No! No and then. And then? No and then! And then? No and then! And then? No and then! And then? No and then. A-a-and then? You're pissing me off. And then? And then... I'm gonna come in and I'm gonna put my foot in your ass, if you say and then again! RAPIDLY: And then? And then? And then? And then? A-a-a-and then? Nelson, just help us find my car! You didn't have to go aggro on that speaker box. I didn't call the Dalai Lama a fag. I was kidding. Well, Nelson didn't appreciate it. Look. It's Christie Boner. # Hot Chocolate - 'You Sexy Thing' Wow! The hottest of the hot. El fuego of all that is el fuego. # You sexy thing Did she just wave at us? No way! She would never wave at us. Why did she just wave at us? Maybe she thinks we're people she waves to Hi, Chester. Hi. Hi, Jesse. I had a good time with you last night. Er,... me, too. That was some crazy party. Hey, have you seen my car? Well, I saw it last night. I mean, I saw the back seat. Oh, I'm talking about the whole thing. Buy another one with all your money. Money? Yeah. Remember? You had that nice suitcase full of money. (LAUGHS) A suitcase full of money? Don't you remember giving me $500 to show you my hoo-hoos. $500? Hoo-hoos? You mean, you don't remember anything? How about now? No. How about now? You know, I'm a bit fuzzy too. Maybe if I could get a refresher course. All right! Are these losers bothering you, Christie? No, Tommy. Guys like you can never score with a chick like this. Don't be such a jerk! Next time you bother my girlfriend, stoner bashing time. (BOTH) Oh, yeah? Yeah. (BOTH) OK. Consider this your warning. Later, dudes. Dude, you just touched Christie Boner's hoo-hoo. Shibby! Blow five. Yeah! Let's get outta here. Dude, that Christie Boner is super hot. What about that money and why don't we have it now? Maybe we deposited it in a Swiss bank account. If we had a ridiculous sum of money, where would we go? Dude. No way we were here last night. We'd never fit in at a place like this. Look, everyone! It's Mr Jesse and Mr Chester! Look at the toggles on that kit. (MIAOWS) Good afternoon, Jesse, Chester. How are we feeling today? A little fuzzy. Hi, Chester. Hi, Jesse. Did you guys enjoy yourselves last night? Er,... have we met? It's me, Tania. Remember when I gave you that super-special slippery wet lap dance? Er,... of course. How can I forget? Do you wanna do it again? This time, it's on me. If you say so. Didn't I get some sort of special lap dance? Did you ever! Sweet! Sweet! So, just how super special can a slippery lap dance be? Damn you! Throwing around my money! That wasn't part of the plan! You're a... I'm a gender-challenged male! What does that mean? Yah! Oh, dude, you're a dude! That's... You... Argh! Argh! Argh! I had you sneak a suitcase of stolen money out of the club. Stolen money? I... $200,000. $200,000! I gave you the suitcase and left. You guys were supposed to meet me. You never showed! Where's that suitcase?! I don't know. You don't know?! Where's that suitcase?! It's in my car. Then get it fast! Or else you'll be singing soprano. Dude! Dude, dude! We gotta go. What, are you crazy? I'm surrounded by break-dancing strippers! Seriously, this is an emergency! So is this, dude. It's a break-dancing stripper emergency. Goodbye! (STRIPPERS) Goodbye! I love you! * Apparently we were supposed to meet her and didn't show up. Huh! That sound like us. Man! How wasted were we! I touched Christie Boner's hoo-hoo, we took $200,000 from a trans-sexual stripper and my car is gone. I'd say we were pretty wasted. We need to find your car. The last place we remember being was... The twins. But we can't show up without anniversary gifts. We'll get a little something for now and when we find the car we'll give them the real gifts. We've got a dollar... 39. I don't know. Trust me. It's gonna be totally cool. # Uh-oh We are so dead. # Uh-oh Roger that. # Uh-oh We have been cleaning all morning. What do you have to say? (BOTH) # Happy Anniversary! We ate all the dark ones. You don't like those. They're the only ones we do like. Oh, dear. But... But you could use the box to keep... You could keep... ribbons. You guys forgot our anniversary, didn't you? Of course not. We got you great gifts. We had some car trouble. Yeah. We came over to help clean up, but... Oh, no, it looks like you're already done. We just need to take out the trash. (They haven't been outside yet.) We'll take out the trash. You go and take a nice hot bath. You deserve it. Go ahead and pamper yourselves. Just don't make a mess. Slow and steady, good buddy. Ten-four. You're tilting. Why are you tilting? You gave me the heavy end. Let it go, man. No, we can get it. No! Let it go. We're not leaving it behind. OK. I'll take my shoe off. OK. Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop pushing! Watch it! Careful. Careful. Careful. Are we cool? Are we cool? Yeah, we're still cool. Take your shoe off and you get it. OK. That's it, that's it. I got it! (BOTH) Oh my God! You guys can't do anything right. You mess everything up. I got three words, anger management. Yeah. Dude, we really need to find your car. Hey! Ow! Hey, guys, sorry about that, but we really need to talk to you. Who are you guys? My name is Zarnoff. This is Zabu, Zellner, Zelbor, Zelmina and... Jeff. Hey. To answer your question more specifically, we have received instructions from extra-terrestrials regarding the interstellar path to outer space. Oh. Go ahead and laugh. We are used to being mocked. (BOTH) OK. We have been sent by our wise and powerful leader... (ALL) Zoltan. ..to find you and recover the continuum transfunctioner. Hey, have you guys ever been to Uranus? It's supposed to be really nice this time of year. Hey, this is important. We intercepted a message. We believe that last night you were in possession of the continuum transfunctioner. Where is it now? The who what? The continuum transfunctioner. It's a very mysterious and powerful device. And? And its mystery is exceeded only by its power. I'm sorry. We don't remember last night. You must be careful. Danger follows the continuum transfunctioner. So says... (ALL) Zoltan! Zoltan! I'll tell you what. We'll keep our eyes out for the continuum transdingler. If we see it, we'll give you a call. Yes. You must. But remember, you are in great danger. Trust no one. Except for us. Thank you, Jeff. Good point. Trust no one except for us. (ALL) Zoltan! Wait a second. Let's recap. We lost my car, we accepted stolen money from a trans-sexual stripper and space nerds want us to find something we can't pronounce. Maybe we should cut back on the shibbying. Thanks, dude. Good! You're right on time! You pick up special suits. Huh? Mr Lee, tailor, make special suits for you. Come on! Dude! You got a tattoo! (LAUGHS) So have you, dude. No! Dude, what does my tattoo say? Sweet! What about mine? Dude. What does mine say? Sweet! What about mine? Dude! What does mine say? Sweet! What about mine?! Dude! What does mine say? Sweet. What about mine? Dude. What does mine say? Sweet! What about mine?! Dude! What does mine say? Sweet! What about mine?! Dude! What does mine say?! Sweet!! Idiots! (SPEAKS CHINESE) Your tattoo says dude. Your tattoo says sweet. Got it?! Sorry. Hey. Sorry. Sorry. # Par-par-party like a rock star Kick a little ass! (BOTH) Shibby! Very sharp, very sharp! You two number one, extra-special, good-looking guys. We bought these last night? Yeah. you were pretty... lop sup noy. How much are these? You paid. I just do some minor alterations, add the secret pockets you order. Maybe we got the continual transfinkter. Oh, dude! Dude! Sweet! (DOVE THUMPS AND SQUAWKS) Cool! How did we pay for these suits? You pay cash. Cold, hard cash, crispy new hundred dollar bills. Did you see what car we were driving? Me? No, I don't see no car. (PHONE RINGS) Hello. Dude, we bought cellphones! That's not all we bought, dude. # Young MC - 'Bust A Move' # This here's a cheer for all the fellas # Try to do what the ladies tell us # Get shot down cos you're over-zealous # Play hard to get, females get jealous # OK, smartie, go to a party # Girls are dancin' # A chick walks by, you wish you could sex her # But you're sittin' on the wall like you was Pointdexter # Got no money and you got no car # Then you got no woman, and there you are # She's dressed in yellow, she says hello # Come sit next to me, you fine fellow # You went over there without a second to lose # What comes next? Hey, buster, move! # If you want it, you got it # If you want it, baby, you got it # Just buster, move! # If you want it, you got it Shibby! # Good Charlotte - 'Little Things' # Come on! # Yeah! Come on! Come on! Come on! Here we go! # Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh! (REVS ENGINE) # Here we go! # Like the time in school when we got free lunch, the cool kids beat us up # And the rich kids had convertibles and we had to ride the bus # Like the time we made the baseball team # But still they laughed at us # Like the time that girl broke up with me # Cos I wasn't cool enough # Trick! Thi-i-i-i-ings! # Thi-i-i-i-ings! Come on! Come on! Here we go! # Oh! Oh-oh-oh-oh! # Oh! Oh-oh-oh-oh! Here we go! # The little things, little things, they always hang around! # The little things, little things, they try to break me down # The little things, little things, they just won't go away # The little things, little things made me what I am today Man, I cannot believe we leased a car last night. God! Well, who's Johnny Potsmoker? That's my alter ego. That was my alter ego. No, that's my alter ego. Your alter ego is Smokey McPot. Oh, yeah. Dude, you're never gonna figure that thing out. (BEEPING) OK, dude. There it is. Break time's over. Time to find my car. This is impossible. Are you Jesse and Chester? Huh? Are you Jesse and Chester? Er,... I don't know. Why? If you are Jesse and Chester, perhaps we will give you erotic pleasure. That's us! Right here! We are looking for the continuum transfunctioner. Who are you guys? We are not guys, we are hot chicks. She's totally right. The continuum transfunctioner is a mysterious and powerful device. And? And its mystery is only exceeded by its power. That doesn't really help. We will give you pleasure now, if you give us the continuum transfunctioner. Let me get your proposition straight. First, you give us the pleasure, then we give you the transfunctioner? No. First, you give us the continuum transfunctioner, then we give you the pleasure. I've heard that one before. Hey, look, how about you give me pleasure then we'll give you the continuum transfunctioner. Then, you can take care of my friend. Deal. Sweet! Will you wait a second, please? Come here. Those space nerds told us not to trust anybody. Yeah. But for the love of God! They're offering oral pleasure! Well, I... OK. Hey! Where did the hot chicks go? Where's my money, boys? Er, we were just going to get it. You picked the wrong trans-sexual stripper to screw with. You're pinching me! Hah! Let's see what the cops have to say about this! You're busted! Busted! Your ass has been busted! Chester! I saw this on 'Cops'! Think hard, hit fast! Bye-bye, boys. So, you're sticking to the 'I don't remember' crap? Yeah, we don't remember. Your car was at the scene of a drug deal. You found my car? You've got more important things to worry about right now. Where were you between midnight and 2am last night? I told you, OK. We don't remember anything. We'll have to do this the hard way. Where were you last night between the hours of midnight and 2am? We... we don't know. What the...!? Now do you remember? (BOTH) No. How about now? No. Leave him alone! He doesn't know anything! Now are you ready to talk? We don't remember! OK, here are the whips you guys wanted. Hey! It's the donut guys! They were at the Frenchy Donut House when we came in. We got talking. They bought donuts for the whole precinct. What time did all this happen? Let's see. It was between midnight and 2am. Damn! You can't be the guys we're looking for. Sorry. Hang in there, bro. Come on, Kojak. (Moron!) Listen, I'm really sorry about all this. It was a case of mistaken identity. Those are the real criminals. One of our officers got it wrong. Yeah. That... I'm... That was me. I'm sorry about that one, fellas. Rick will tell you exactly where your car is. We found the car. We found the car! (BOTH) We found the car! Now we get the anniversary gifts and go get our special treats. Sweet! All right, Rick, give us the keys and we're outta here. You got it! Oh, boy. Oh, boy. What's the problem, Rick? Nothing. I just... boy. OK... Geez. Oh, la, la, mm! OK, did you say you wanted your car back or you wanted it impounded? Er, we want the car back, please. Oh, yes. That's kind of funny. Because what happened was I accidentally sent your car... to... to the impound. (BOTH) Rick! I know. You can definitely get the car back in a couple of days. Rick, we need the car back now. Say, how about a treat? A nice Bavarian cream? That's a good one, that's a good pick. It's good. I have a lot of them. Thanks. Forget about it. Psych! Oh! You got me! Hey, fellas, who's the goose? Me. Such a jokester. One... Two... Damn! Have you seen Jesse and Chester? What?! We are looking for them. I don't know where they are, but I bet those punks do. So then, remember, I said, 'Later, dudes!' Why hang out with those jerks? They were just being nice to me. Maybe I should find someone sensitive, who respects me as a person. Maybe somebody like Jesse or Chester. OK, guys, listen up. We're gonna find Jesse and Chester. And when we do, stoner bashing time! Do you know Jesse and Chester? Who are you? We are hot chicks. Yes, you are. We believe Jesse and Chester have the continuum transfunctioner. However, if you recover the continuum transfunctioner from them and bring it to us, we will give you erotic pleasure. You've got a deal. OK, guys, new plan. First, we find the stoners, get the continuum transfunctioner, and then it's jerk-bashing time! (ALL) Yeah! Oh, yeah. I just remembered where you might find Jesse and Chester. Send those chicks to meet the twins. That'll put the dudes in hot water. Try it again. Just knock it out of the park. Give it a shot. OK, you almost got it! Concentrate on the beep. Swing hard, and keep your ear on the ball, OK? All right, buddy, you can do it! (PAGER BEEPS) What? Oof! I did it! I did it! Do you know Jesse and Chester? Pardon me? Have you seen Jesse and Chester? Who are you? We are extremely hot chicks with large breasts. Really? Do you mind if I touch your face, so I can see who I'm talking to? OK. Wow! You are hot! Is this... normal? Oh, yeah, this is how blind people shake hands. All right, Sammy, you're up next. What the...? Sis! Excuse me. A little help? Wanda? Wilma? Anthony. Anthony, what is going on? Er, nothing. I was just reading. 'Bye, ladies. We are looking for Jesse and Chester. Who are you guys? We are not guys. We are hot chicks. We want to meet Jesse and Chester. We cannot wait. We don't know where they are. And frankly, we don't care. Dude, let's call Nelson. Yeah! See if he's home. (RINGS) Hello? Nelson, It's Chester. Hey, Chester. No, it's me, Tommy. Your buddy Nelson's busy at the moment. This is bad karma, boys. (ALL LAUGH) You tell me where that continuum transfunctioner is. Er,... No hablo English. Your friend is dead meat unless I get that continuum transfunctioner. (LAUGHS) Jacko, get your pipe! Argh! My balls! What was that? Tommy's gotten to Nelson. He knows about the continuum transfunctioner. Those double-crossing, sexy, sexy sluts! I am so sick of hearing about this continuum transfunctioner thing. If one more person asks... Have you found the continuum transfunctioner? Who are you guys? The keepers of the continuum transfunctioner. It is all that stands between the universe and destruction. It is a mysterious and powerful device. 'And its mystery is only exceeded by its power.' Yeah. We don't have it. But the universe? Screw the universe! Screw the universe? (BOTH SIGH) Aaaah! 'Chimpanzees often use sticks as crude tools.' That is one smart primate. Hey! Hey! What are you guys doing here? We wondered how that 'car trouble' thing was going. Oh. The car. It's... in the shop. Really? That one run by beautiful women in jumpsuits? The ones you were hanging out with? Well, you see, Jesse thought... Today is our anniversary. You do not have gifts. You ditch us (BOTH) for some big-breasted bimbos while we were cleaning. You trashed our house (BOTH) twice! You guys are sucky boyfriends. But... We wanted to tell you in person, it's (BOTH) over. Wilma. Thank you, Wanda. They are totally right. We are sucky boyfriends. Do you even remember what kind of gifts we got them? No. I bet we got them sucky gifts. Yeah. We suck. Wait. I got a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Maybe you should go sit on the toilet. No. Do you know what the feeling is? It's love. Is that what that is? Yeah. I'm in love with Wanda, you're in love with Wilma. Yeah. Now that we know that we've been sucky boyfriends, we can change. We can? Yeah. And you know what else? I'll bet we did buy them cool anniversary gifts. You know why? Because we love them. Are they wrapped in cool paper? Yeah. I'll tell you what we'll do. We'll go down and get the car and the gifts, then go beg the twins to take us back! Yeah! Let's do it! No, hold on. I've got to take a crap. Told you! I know. I know your body. (ROCK MUSIC) Boys, I've got good news for you. We got your car in this morning. (BOTH) All right! The bad news is, not only did Officer Boyer impound your car, he tagged it for auction and it was sold this afternoon. (BOTH) Rick! Do you know who bought the car? I have the address here. All right! But it would be against Regulation 457XY2-665 to give it to you. Come on. If you could just... Reaching on to the counter is not allowed. The last guy who tried it got three broken fingers. (LAUGHS) Reach it. You can reach it! No, I got... one of these has carpal tunnel. What if I further injured myself? Mmgh! I have to do everything! Well, I'm a better lookout, my vision's better. You know that. That's it, that's it! Got it! Yeah. We're good. What are you doing?! I'm stuck! Come on! I'm stuck! Dude! Dude, here she comes! Help! Get it! OK, OK. I got it, I got it! We'll spit on it! You know, lubrication! That's gross, dude! Fine. Here she comes. Spit! Spit! The good news, guys, my supervisor said I could give you the address. That's great! But the bad news is... I'm gonna have to confiscate your pinkie. (SHRIEKS) (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) All right, next stop, find my car. Hey, check it out. Totally gay Nordic dudes at three o'clock. Wait, I got an idea. We just go and ask for the continuum transfunctioner? It's that easy. Thank you very much. Hey, don't mention it. See you around the galaxy, dudes. Time to get your car, dude. Those creepy space nerds are back, dude. Dude, do not worry about them. They're totally harmless. All right. # Pachelbel- 'Canon' Now may I have the continuum transfunctioner? Not quite yet. Would you give it to me while I continue to give you pleasure? Er,... OK. Wake up, dude. Oral pleasure? What? Nothing. Get dressed. We're going to the big house. Nice outfits. They're not outfits, they're interstellar jumpsuits. Nice interstellar jumpsuits. Yeah. our DOM Pizza Checker quality guarantee, with Domino's, everyone's happy. * Wow! Nice place. Is this where Zoltan...? Is this where Zoltan hangs out? No. This is his parents' house. We're going over there. A barn? Is it red? No. Then it's not a barn! This is creepy! It's like a country music video. All right, that's far enough. You, there. You, over there. No messing around. Do you remember which one it is? (Psst.) Psst! (No!) Here, let me show you. I'll do it! That one. (Grab the...) Keys. (Grab the fire extinguisher and bump those dudes on the head.) (You want the fire extinguisher?) Mgh! Nah! Cool! What, are you deaf? Hey, you don't have to be mean. How are we gonna get out of here? (SIREN) Your attention, please. Our imperial commander, Zoltan, requests your presence in the rec room for a Level Seven meeting. Er,... over. # Jimmy Spicer - 'The Bubble Bunch' It is now my great pleasure to present to you our wise and powerful leader,... Zoltan! (ALL) Zoltan! Zoltan! (BUBBLE GUM SYNTHESISER MUSIC) The time has come, you guys. (MUSIC STOPS) We are finally going to fulfil our prophecy of outer space travel! (ALL) Zoltan! They laughed at us when we said that aliens existed and they mocked our bubblewrap jumpsuits. But who's laughing now? (GIGGLES) I'll tell you who's laughing! We are! Zoltan! Soon we will leave this lame planet and fly through outer space with cool aliens who like us. It is going to be awesome! (BOTH) Zoltan! That's them! They knocked us out and stole our space suits! No, we didn't. Yeah, you did. No, we didn't. Yes, you did! No, we didn't. Yes! You did! Are you gonna believe us or them? So you're Jesse and Chester. I've been looking forward to meeting you. I'm sorry it had to be like this. Wanda! Wilma! Normally, we would never resort to violence, but we are dealing with the continuum transfunctioner. If you don't deliver it to us, your girlfriends are history. Don't worry, girls! We will save you! Yeah! Depend on us! Enough! Go now, and bring us the continuum transfunctioner. And... be quiet on your way out. My parents are taking a nap. You can tell us where the continuum transfunctioner is. And then? And then we'll go and get it. And then? Can I get an order of shrimp fried rice? Whoa. I don't see the car. Are you sure this is the place? It had better be in there. I almost lost my pinky to get that info. Man, I'm sensing something very Canadian about this place. (BOTH) Plan B. Right. Are you ready? Let's do this. One,... two,... three. I'm OK. You OK? Shibby. Ssh! (ANIMAL CRIES) Ow! (ANIMAL CRIES) (CAWING) Dude, it's a llama. It's not a llama. It's an ostrich. OK, OK, very slowly. Let's turn around and go back the other way. OK. New plan. We turn around again, very slowly, and go back the other way. OK. Oh! Dude, they're everywhere! What now? Hey, I saw this thing about ostriches on Animal Planet. They're llamas, dude. No. What you're supposed to do is stand very still and eventually they'll get bored and go away. I think it's working. Stupid llamas! There's a car! Let's get in this car! What do ostriches eat? Why? If they eat peanuts we could just throw them a peanut and they'll go away. We don't have any peanuts. Don't we?! We're screwed! They're leaving! It worked! What worked? Whatever we did. (BOTH ROAR) # Ladysmith Black Mombasa - 'Bakhuphuka Izwe Lonke' Now, may I have the continuum transfunctioner? Not quite yet. Please? (SHRIEKS) Scary dream, huh? What's up? My name's Mark. Where are we? We're in the punishment room. This is where he likes to keep the ostrich poachers. Poachers? Yeah, that's right. I've been here for 3 years, 5 months and 17 days, but who's counting? (CACKLES) How's my breath? That bad, huh? Where are you guys from? I'm from Connecticut. Hi. Mark. There we go. Chester! Get him off! Pierre! Oh, hi. That's not what it looks like. Maybe a little bit... How is your nail? Shut up! Somebody sure is a Grumpy Gus today. In France, when a man is caught poaching ostriches, we shave his 'ead and we make him to run through the fields. God, that's the good part. Once you have seen this... (SHUDDERS) ..you are never quite the same. (BOTH) OK. Tell me about it, I used to model. Lucky for you I am an honourable man. What? Sorry? I said I am an honourable man. I'm sorry? Honourgable? Honourable! Honourgable? Honourable. Honouragble? I don't know what you're saying. Honourable! Honourable! Hongabble. I think you're trying to say honourable. Shut up! OK! Sorry. I am going to ask you a question. If you get it right, I will set you free. If you get it wrong, well, you will spend a lot of time with the ever-popular Mark. I can be very nice. All right, here it is. What is the average running speed of a full-grown, male, African ostrich? Pass. (To me.) I know it. Pass to Mark. You cannot pass! Shut up! Do I have to hose you down again?! Don't hose me. Maybe later. Dude, we're dead. Not so fast. A full-grown male African ostrich, or the Latin Strutheocamus, can grow to 6 feet 6 inches and weigh from 225 to 350lbs. It can reach an average speed of 27mph. Oh! This is absolutely correct! Animal Planet! Well, I said brown. Let me get you out of this stinking cage. Please, forgive me. Can I get you some beers? I'd like a near beer, please. Shut up! Eh? The car you bought today, we wanted some stuff out of it. No problem! Right this way. Well, it was nice meeting you guys. Good luck with the whole modelling thing. E-mail me, freakincage.com. The... Sacre bleu! The car was here this afternoon! It-it-it-it... It just disappear! How do you just lose a car? I'm so sorry, you guys. I feel terrible. All right. Pierre, just focus here. Was there anything in the car when you got it? No, nothing. Except, of course, for this. Dude! Dude, I'm having my next birthday party here for sure. Yeah, me too. Cool! Excuse me. Can you tell me where locker 206 is? It's right over there. Hey, it's you guys! You played some amazing putt-putt last night. We did? Oh, yeah! Thanks, dude. Shibby. Here it is. I sure hope my money's in there. Yep! Who are you? This is my boyfriend Patty. Nice to meet you. Now do you keep popping up? Less questions, more giving me my money. (LAUGHS) Well, I guess this is it. Yep. The moment of truth. It's been... it's been a long, strange trip, dude. It sure has, Jesse. Hey! I've got a plane to catch! OK. OK. OK. Oh! My suitcase! Oh! Oh, my God! You guys are the best! Thank you so much. Thanks for your help, fella. Good work. Are we supposed to be grossed out? I don't know. Mmm. 'Bye. Look at this stuff! Captain Stu tickets! Awesome! Oh! Jellybeans! No jellybeans. Cool straw. Oh, I'm gonna keep this. Yeah. I don't see a continuum transfunctioner. Wait. What do we know about the continuum transfunctioner? That it's a mysterious and powerful device. And? Its mystery is only exceeded by its power. Right. But has anyone ever said what it looks like? No. They haven't. * That was Jesse and Chester. They've got the continuum transfunctioner! Quick! To my mother's minivan! That was Jesse and Chester. They've got the continuum transfunctioner. Quick! To my stepdad's pick-up truck! I'm getting the hang of this thing, dude! Yes! Oh, yes! I finally beat you! You, you're a competitor. Oh, boy! You got me the first nine, but not number ten. It's not gonna happen. It's time for the final showdown. Chester! Jesse! Don't worry, girls. We're here to save the day! Quit it! These things are expensive! Enough! Do you have the continuum transfunctioner or not?! Yep. Right here. Now, release our girlfriends. First, give up the transfunctioner. First, release the girlfriends. First, the transfunctioner. And then... Same time. There they are! OK, stoners, where's the continuum transfunctioner? Uh-oh. Hey! Release dodo-bird. Tommy, you're such a jerk. That's our continuum transfunctioner. Well, now it's mine. Ow! Nerd! Dude, let's get outta here. Yeah. Where is the continuum transfunctioner? We don't have it. But we'd like you to meet our girlfriends, Wanda and Wilma. We've already met. Stay away from our boyfriends. You fake-breasted sluts. OK, let's go this way. Halt. Where is the continuum transfunctioner? Go talk to that guy over there. Let the pleasure begin. That is not the continuum transfunctioner. Of course it is. (Follow the kids. Come on, follow them, go, go, go.) It's nerd-bashing time. It's not our fault! It... was them! I'm lookin' for a Smokey McPot! I have a delivery for a Smokey McPot! You ordered pizza? I thought we'd be hungry. Oh, no! It's you two! Look, dude, I almost got it. You're starting to irk me with your Rubik's cube! Sweet! No wonder those things are so impossible. Oh, no! You've activated the continuum transfunctioner! All right, what's going on! Once the five Dirugian Crystals stop flashing the universe will be destroyed. How do you know that? We intercept interstellar transmissions. (ALL) Zoltan! Nerds! (Way to go, Chester.) Sorry! Quickly! Give it to us so we can deactivate it. We are its keepers. They will use it to destroy the universe. We are the true continuum transfunctioner keepers. They want to destroy the universe. (BOTH) Stop copying us. Stop copying us. Stop copying us! Stop copying us. Bitch. Don't you guys remember? We came to this planet to escape those evil space sluts. We met you here. You gave us a ride to our ship. Then we realised we had lost the continuum transfunctioner. Hurry! There's only three blinking lights left! Bye-bye universe. He's right, dude. We're gonna make the wrong decision. Dude, I refuse to let us go down in history as the dudes who destroyed the universe! How to we figure out which ones are the true keepers? Well, it's simple. We ask them a question about last night that only the true ones would know. But we can't remember! Uh-oh! You gotta hurry! Not now, Jeff. Zip it. If we did give one of you guys a ride last night, you'll know the answer to this. (ALL) Uh-oh! Hurry! What score did we get on the 18th hole of the miniature golf course last night? You got the hole in one. That... is... correct! (BOTH) Deactivation complete. (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Wait, if you don't remember a thing about last night... How do you know that was true? Simple. It's the pudding! Wow! You guys had a plan! And it actually worked! (SHRIEKS) For the love of God! (GROWLS) Wow! Morphing is cool! Whoa! That is one super hot giant alien! Just go! That is amazing! Yeah. Those are the biggest hoo-hoos I have ever seen. (SNIGGERS) Hm. We will now use the continuum transfunctioner to banish you to Hoboken. What are we supposed to do now? I think we run, dude! Those guys are in a hurry. I wanna go on that ride, Daddy. Me too, son. Me too. (ROARS) Hey! What do I do with this thing? (ALL) Activate the Photon Accelerator Annihilation Beam! The what? They said, the Photon Accelerator Annihilation Beam! You fool! Hurry, activate it, dude! This is it! Thank you, Captain Obvious! I can't reach it! In your consciousness you must look! Concentrate on the knowledge inside, you must! Does he have to talk like that? I like the way he talks. (GROWLS) Chimpanzees often use sticks as crude tools. I got it! Oh! Oh, boy! We saved the universe! The big bitch is dead! Aargh! Damn! Now, those are some big-ass panties! Honey, could you give me a hand? No, I found somebody else. Jesse and Chester saved the universe. You are still gonna take us into space? Come to a party in the Crab Nebula. There you go. Thanks for your help, Jesse and Chester. You have helped save the universe. That's cool, but dude, where's my car? You guys don't remember? Man, you were wasted last night! Before we go, we must eliminate all knowledge of this encounter. No. We have so many questions to ask you about the universe. Like what? Well... Have you guys ever been to Uranus? Nice! 'Morning, guys. (BOTH) 'Morning, Gene. We'll go see the twins. And then? We'll give them the gifts. And then? Apologise for the trash. And then? And then, special treats! And then? That's really annoying. Sorry. Hey, where's my car? Dude, where's my car? Where's your car, dude? Dude, there's your car. Oh. (BOTH GASP) 'I heart u.' (BOTH) You guys are great boyfriends! We have something for you, too. A very special treat. (BOTH) Shibby! (BOTH) Ta-dah! We sewed the names on ourselves. (BOTH) Wow. (BOTH) Put 'em on! (BOTH) You guys look great! What are these? Er, more.... gifts. They're beautiful! Where did you guys get these? This... place. Wow! You first. Thank you for helping save the universe. We hope your girlfriends like these. You will. How wasted were we last night? Sweet! Dude! Is anyone hungry? (BOTH) Yeah! I could go for Chinese food. (BOTH) That sounds great! Sweet! My back itches. You got a tattoo! My God! So did you, Chester! No way! What's mine say? Dude. What about mine? Sweet. Yeah, but what does mine say? Dude! What about mine? Sweet! I know, they're sweet, but, dude, what's mine say? Dude!!! What about mine? Sweet!!! Hit it! I can do sexy. How do you keep popping up like this! This isn't fair. They're mooning us. Sweet! Dude! I am fun-loving. I like charades. Shut up! Go ahead and laugh. One last take. Zoltan! Ow! Ow! That's a keeper! Fingers crossed, I'm out. I got it! You want a piece of this?! Dude! Sweet! And then? And then we went... argh! And then? Got those sweet jumpsuits... And then? And then we... I'm losing it. I am fun-loving, without my clothes. The Photomic Incin... da-da-da... The great day, Tommy! Dude! Sweet! All right, shall we cut? We gotta cut. We just have to. Congratulations, sir. You just have to cut! Cut! Punk-ass kids! # SILT - 'Lunatic' Captioning by IMS Subtitles. Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Able 2019