When I was born, my parents named me Scarlett. From an early age, I knew that I was different. But it took 15 years of pain before I could admit to myself and my family that I wasn't a girl. In 2014, I came out as transgender and now identify as a male. I am Charly Walsh. This is my story. www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2019 I felt broken. There was nothing that I liked about myself. Female puberty made me feel like not a human. I felt like I was in too much pain to continue. (TAPE REWINDS) Because I now identify as male, my family and friends may refer to me as 'he', even before my transition. But until I was 15, I was known as Scarlett or Scarly, a girl. I was born on December 10th 1998 in Gisborne. Scarlett as a wee kid was... full on, busy all the time, really interested in things, active ` very, very active. Full of the passion for life and the environment ` climbing to the top of trees, climbing to the top of hills, in the water all the time ` very physical kid. I definitely knew that I wasn't quite the same as everyone else. One day at preschool, we had a haircut day. My best friend got his hair done up in spikes, and I thought that was really cool, and I wanted to do that too. But the teacher said I couldn't have them and gave me pigtails instead. That confused me. I mean, I was only 3, but I thought, 'Why couldn't I have spikes?' People were calling me female, but I wasn't too sure why I needed to call myself female. I... made an escape for myself, every day, just saying in my head, 'Right. Today your name's Michael.' (CHUCKLES) Or 'Today your name's Brad.' (CHUCKLES) I loved biking and skateboarding. I was on the rugby team. That was mixed. It was awesome. He had really good school reports, and he did make some really neat friendships at primary school that he still has. The moments where I did run into problems with my gender at school did make me very uncomfortable. In Year 2, I went to the girls bathroom and just got told to get out. So I went to the boys bathroom and got told to get out too, and I didn't use the bathroom after that the whole time I was at school. It wouldn't matter if I needed to pee at 9am; I'd wait till I got home. I would not touch dresses or anything like that. I was definitely only interested in socially masculine clothing. The whole wearing of boys clothes and the short hair ` at no point did I feel that there was anything even remotely wrong with that. As far as we thought, this was a normal childhood for a kid ` a girl, boy, whatever. I thought that I had to be a girl. I really didn't want to go to school one day. I was wound up and confused, so I just climbed to the top of this massive tree in our backyard. It was a particularly nasty day. It was cold and raining, and he was up a tree and wouldn't come down, didn't want to go to school. So I went over so Russell to get off to work. When I as up there, I felt free. I could be who I wanted. Eventually, we decided that it was too cold out in the rain and he'd better come down and go and make me a cup of cocoa, cos I was freezing. (CHUCKLES) And I was too. And down he came and went to the kitchen, made a cocoa. I was completely unable to express the way I felt, because I didn't know what it was. Animals definitely brought me a lot of comfort. We had so many animals. No matter who you are, they would love you. It just felt like a friend who would not judge no matter what. Starting intermediate, I was really excited. It was a really cool school, but I was put into an all-girls class. I could feel that something wasn't right and that I was different to other people. At this point, I was starting to go through puberty. Puberty for Scarly was awful. I would not wear a bra at all. My mum was not happy. (LAUGHS) But I would just walk around like this. Swimming ` I would bring a note every single day. It really pissed by teachers off, but there's no way I was getting changed, going through puberty, in the wrong changing room. It was very difficult to get him to go to school into that all-girls class. The distress levels were going up. It was very confusing and upsetting for Charly, because there was just nothing in your headspace as a child to, like, consider, 'I might be something else. I might have a different gender.' It just got really overwhelming, and the only way I could get that out was lashing out. He became quite violent towards himself, mostly. We made his room his safe space, a spot that he could vent. Over the course of that year, that room pretty much was destroyed. Very scary and so out of control. The only thing I could do is pretty much wrestle him to the ground and just lie on him. It's awful. I had no clue what was happening. That made it really difficult for everyone else as well. * My parents were trying so hard to help, and it was just impossible. Awful time for him; awful time for us. We had got Charly into a weekly therapy session. I had no idea what was going on. I just could not get the words out. So we engaged the help of the school principal, and he would come to our house every day, pick Charly up and take him to school, so at least we knew that he was getting there. During that year, he also discovered playing music. Music was always massive in my life, and my dad had always been in a band as well, and I'd always really wanted to be in one. When I first met her, she was playing drums, playing bass, writing songs, jamming with her dad. (CHUCKLES) The only chick in school with pink hair and a Mohawk. So, yeah, she was different. I saw Lawrence and the way he taught, and I just thought, 'That looks so fun. I'm gonna do that.' He just made learning guitar so easy and fun. She just had a good ear for, like, picking things up really quick, especially, like, you know, guitar chords, riffs ` especially riffs, eh. Man. Any chance she gets, she was always in music. Just having that hour out of class, no, sort of, gendered questions or thoughts, it was really therapeutic, definitely. Seeing Charly being quite joyful again through music ` even those small moments were enough to... you know, you sort of go, 'OK, we can so this. We can do this.' In the second year of intermediate, I went into mixed class, and I had an amazing teacher. I also met my best friend Jayden. We bonded over the band Green Day straight away. I knew Scarlett was a girl, but just the way she dressed and the way she came across, I... knew there was something different. But, at that point in our lives, gender didn't really come into it. When I was 12, we moved out about 45 minutes into the hills up in Tiniroto. It was exciting for all of us. You know? It was this massive landscape with big trees and animals, animals, animals. We had 45 acres, and a third of it was native New Zealand bush. Just seeing the beauty around me kept me in a good headspace and started my love for photography too. We would go swimming. We'd stay up all night and watch horror movies. There were heaps of things to do out there, so... even if it was just climbing up the hill. Things seemed to be calm, and he seemed to be enjoying himself. I found this masculine-looking girl on YouTube. This girl came out as transgender, and that was sort of the first time I'd ever heard of it. Just what this person was saying and how they were feeling was exactly the same as how I'd been feeling my whole life, and it was crazy and mind-opening, and it was an uncomfortable feeling too, and I did brush it off after that. Starting high school was terrifying. Jayden was still at intermediate, and I was going through puberty and hating it. Having things like periods felt like something that wasn't meant to be happening. I think he just wished it would all go away. He often looked unhappy, but I didn't think that he was completely unhappy, because he had these great friends, and he was doing really cool things at school and at home. The music started getting a little bit more heavier, which is not a bad thing. You know? Good expression of how you feel. The songs I like playing more were definitely outlets for depressive feelings. My mind was getting to a point where I knew that I wasn't a female, but definitely did not want to live the stigma that I knew transgender people lived. He withdrew quite a lot. That was not easy. No one likes to lose contact with their child. When we got our iPod Touches, he found a whole lot of friends online. We went from every weekend, we'd have plans to go out and go swimming to just staying indoors all weekend. I started a social media account. I picked a name ` Leon, because it meant lion, and I liked that ` and used photos of a guy, not me. The way I was treated was so much different. No questions. I was a male. I was normal. The thing about this account is people really, really, really liked me as this person, and it made me really happy but really sad as well that this was the only way people could like me, and it wasn't even me. I could kind of see a slow shut down over that time. This account, I did everything in my power to keep secret, and even though it made me feel so amazing, it definitely made me feel like there was something wrong with me. He was building his own little world that we didn't have insight into. I formed a really close relationship with a girl online overseas. We were dating, but she thought I was a guy. I would stay up till 4am every night, just talking to people in different time zones, living most of life online. Real life comes second. In January 2013, my family had decided we were going to do a South Island tour in our caravan. They let me bring Jayden with me. I was loving it. I was seeing everything, just loving the trip, but, yeah, he was very consumed with his phone. He was difficult for the entire journey. If there was no Wi-Fi access, then he was intolerable. We were going to places I've never seen before, and Charly just wants to sit there on his phone and just stay indoors. We were in a communal kitchen. My laptop was on a screensaver, just flicking through photos. A photo popped up as a screenshot of this Instagram account, and it was under a different name, but it was one of our photos that we had taken. I realised Charly was using social media to hide his identity. So he was talking to people as a male. I was a bit confused, and later on confronted Charly about that. He said it was a shared account where everyone just kind of contributed their photos. I was so terrified. I was scared that he was going to expose everything. I messaged the girl that Charly had been talking to through the social media account. I never mentioned that Charly wasn't Leon. I kinda just asked what the situation was. The girl I was with confronted me about it and made me come clean to my whole Instagram account. She asked me, 'Do you think you're transgender?' And I said, 'There's no way in hell.' I did not want to be trans. I just wanted to be a man. So started down a pretty dark path of helplessness, knowing that there was an option, but it wasn't good enough. * I felt like my life was going to end. I was so angry at Jayden for just finding this account that I severed ties in every single way I could. It was hard seeing him around school. It was very cold, and he would just walk straight past you, and I would try said, like, 'Hey,' and he might turn around and just be like, 'Fuck off,' (CHUCKLES) or something like that. It was really hard. I started really doing some research about transgender people, starting to realise this is who I am. But I was not ready to admit it to anyone. I was definitely on my own in my head. Anything in life, I didn't care about. Looking like I was fine ` that was my biggest priority. I really connected with friends I'd made through photography. I had trained as a make-up artist, and he was quite keen to learn creepy make-up and fake blood. His pictures became quite dark and theatrical. It was disturbing. You know? It makes you feel uncomfortable, which, I guess, is what the whole point is. I did start self-harming. It was a... really addictive feeling and outlet. I... felt very helpless, because I knew that there was something wrong and there was something about to happen. I just thought that Charly was really suffering through puberty, that it was a really... terrible experience. We were trying anything we could think of, but he had just shut down, pretty much. I felt that the person I was physically was not really worth anything. He wouldn't sleep for days. The tension was palpable and building, and we didn't know how to diffuse that. On October 18th 2013, I felt like I was in too much pain to continue. He had just sort of grabbed his camera, and then he went into the sleep-out. After about half an hour, I just felt like something wasn't quite right. Knocked on the door, and there was no answer. I went in, and, um, Charly was... (VOICE BREAKS) unconscious. I thought he was dead. She screamed and got me out there. I was thinking immediately of first aid. I remember seeing the tutor's face saying to me, 'You know what to do.' I got him into recovery position and cleared the airways. He was beginning to regain consciousness. He wasn't dead, so that was good. We were both just sobbing uncontrollably. EMOTIONALLY: I had no idea he was so unhappy. I was employed as a clinical nurse specialist. Charly was very distressed, as were Ingrid and Russell. It was a serious suicide attempt. I wasn't happy, yeah, really not happy that I, um, failed in this attempt. We found out the extent of his self-harming when he was in the hospital. His arms were exposed, and we hadn't seen them for months. That brought a few tears for Ingrid and I. Like, 'Oh my God.' He was still intent on completing his suicide, so what we often do with young people is send them to the Rangatahi Unit in Wellington, an in-patient psychiatric establishment. She basically said, 'You're going to Wellington. You need to go to Wellington.' I was not happy, but that made me realise how serious my actions were. I was thinking, you know, 'This child has a really good life ` 'he has great friends; he's doing really well at school; he's intelligent, gorgeous.' You know, where did this come from? What has happened? And why... couldn't we stop it? I used whatever resources I could to discover Charly's social media. I... was able to get into a few sites that he'd left the passwords open. It took months before I had a possible understanding of who he was. One of the nurses actually asked me if I thought I was a boy, and I said, 'No. How could you even think that?' Even though in my head, I was going, 'Say yes. Just say yes.' But I couldn't get the yes out quite yet. The diagnosis was depression. Charly was placed on an antidepressant medication. When I first got out, I was on such a high that I felt I couldn't be touched. I was really worried and really frightened, but also pleased to have Charly home. We followed the safety plan to the letter. We did not deviate. The premise was that Charly continued as much as normal usual activities to live at home with Mum and Dad ` go back to school; to ensure that Charly had adequate sleep, which is a huge problem for Charly, because he was not sleeping; to ensure safety in the home ` removal of objects that were deemed dangerous; and that his parents kept his phone. The young person cannot be alone for longer than 15 minutes at any time. And that sounded easy, but it was not easy. Our whole... life changed from that one little rule. I hated it, and I felt so trapped, couldn't breathe. I would just say to him, 'Well, I totally understand that you feel smothered, 'but I'm not allowed to leave you alone. 'So this is what it is.' I didn't self-harm for quite a while, but the first moment that I did feel sad again, that became my outlet again. And then we got into the aggression and the violence. We were aware that he might have another go. And we didn't think we were gonna be able to save him. I don't want to use the word devastating, but it was, really. It was tearing our family apart. There was nothing that I liked about myself. I only thought about how much better it would be if I was born differently. I felt broken, cos the antidepressants weren't working, and one of the side effects are suicidal thoughts. It was our friend's birthday, and I had asked Charly to help me make something. So we were starting on this project. Charly said, 'Oh, I just want to be alone.' He went into his room. After 15 minutes, he hadn't come out, and so I went to open the door, and he'd barricaded it. I just shoved, and I managed to open the door. It was gross. There was lots of vomit. It's a really horrible smell. He wasn't totally unconscious, which was great. Mum was just hitting my face to keep me awake the whole ride there, and I was just adamant on going to sleep, and Dad was driving very fast. Charly didn't want to go back to the Rangatahi Unit in Wellington for the second time. Charly didn't wanna go. We didn't want him to go. They saw no benefit. We wanted to keep him close. We agreed for him to stay home, and it was just more of the same. Nothing much had changed, as far as he was still struggling with the depression and anxiety and sleeplessness. It was upsetting ` horribly upsetting. It's your child, and you're not going to give up. It's not an option. I was working with Susie a lot. She really made me realise how important my life was, even if it wasn't to me, even if I hated it, but how important it was to everyone else. Charly was moving through a range of medications, and it took several months before they got on to a more effective medication mix. About the same time, his counselling started to make real progress. There was definitely something else going on that was driving the depression, driving the anxiety, driving the sleeplessness. I wondered if Charly was struggling with transgender issues. At this point, I'm definitely starting to get very over the way I'm feeling in myself, and I'm starting to explore the idea of coming out as transgender and being me. You know, being trans isn't really a decision. The decision is around being able to come out and share that with people and live life to your authentic or true self, and for some young people, they can never do that; they'll keep that hidden. So it actually is a really brave decision. I stopped thinking it as a restriction on my life and rather as a tool to help me be happier. And I said to Charly, 'How do you feel? Do you feel that you're in the wrong body?' I thought about that question and finally just listened to what my mind was saying, which was, 'Yes, I am,' and I just said, 'Yes.' Charly said, 'I've always felt like that. I feel male.' In that moment, I realised I was never a girl and never had to be again. * In March 2014, I was asked if I could be transgender. I was finally ready enough to say yes. It was like a weight was off his shoulder, and that, I think, was the beginning of this incredible journey. She asked me if I was comfortable in telling my parents, and I said, 'I would appreciate it if you could give them a call.' I'd already begun to have my suspicions, so it wasn't a huge surprise. My thoughts were, 'Oh, thank God. 'There is a reason 'for the way Charly's been feeling for the last 10 years.' Right. This is where we start... working to help Charly feel... better. I felt pretty scared, but also just relieved and excited to get on the path that I needed to be on to be my true self. The girl-to-boy thing hadn't really, I don't think, registered at that point. I was just relieved, cos he was smiling. I hadn't seen a smile for a long time. The discussions I had with my psychiatrist Craig were mind-blowing. He explained to me that there is a thing called gender dysphoria that makes people feel like they're in the wrong body. And he let me know that that is a valid feeling. Gender dysphoria is the sense of distress or discomfort when your assigned sex at birth doesn't match with the gender identity that you know yourself to be. Hearing all this stuff made me feel normal, like an actual human. When we think about what contributes to our gender, which is our biology, our nurture, our culture and movement over time, it makes perfect sense that these things are not just a binary box that people need to fit into. It certainly is so much broader than that, which is why gender, indeed, is a spectrum. Everybody's gender is unique to themselves, and alongside that, everyone's gender health journey is unique. It's got to be what is right for that young person. He wanted his periods to stop, and later on, he wanted testosterone, so he already had a plan, and he wanted to get rid of his breasts. Even though Charly was keen as mustard to get cracking, as Craig and Susie patiently pointed out to him, there are a lot of medical things to get through, there are a lot of legal things to get through, because, of course, he's still a child. But everything was going to be in place for each stage to happen. Charly needed to do this to survive, and if other people didn't agree with that process, it was gonna be too bad. We had a family dinner to announce the news, because in the Walsh family, dinners are where a lot of things go down. I didn't say it. I was still a bit too scared, but I just sat next to my dad. Russell stood up and made his announcement to the family. He let it out that I was going to start presenting and living my life as a male, as that was how I felt. We just thought, 'Oh, OK. Is that what it is?' (CHUCKLES) You know? And quite glad and relieved that somebody who knows what they were talking about has got to the bottom of Charly's feelings. There was nothing but love from all my family. Everyone was chattering at once, and then there was a bit of a pause, and then my niece said, 'What's for pudding?' And on we went. (CHUCKLES) We were all on board this train, and we were coming along too. It was a big process choosing a name. I wanted to keep some pride for my old self. This person still got me through to this point in life. My nickname was Scarly from preschool onwards, so I chose the name Charly spelt with a 'Y'. Charly also means 'free man' or 'masculine.' Our little Scarly has not gone and things and won't be forgotten, but, yep, we've got an awesome Charly. Family, I think, did appreciate the mana that it did give my past self. Also, they just think that it suits me. It is. It's a shift. But, um,... compared to what else has to happen, that was the easy part. (CHUCKLES) I was (CHUCKLES) 'blessed' with a pretty large chest, and that did make me pretty uncomfortable. So I started binding as soon as I could. Even though you could still tell that he had boobs, they were flat. And he was so happy. Still wasn't perfect, but I did feel a lot more masculine, which was very, very helpful to my peace of mind. He made small but significant progress in terms of coming out of the dark hole. Things like periods and puberty gave me the weirdest feelings inside. So, puberty blockers, what they're doing is just stopping the production of either testosterone or oestrogen, those hormones that stimulate those physical changes during puberty. So, there was a lot of nervousness from Russell and I, but it was really fantastic having all these other people involved as well who were so knowledgeable, who really helped Russell and I understand what was happening to our child's body. Being put on the blockers and having everything halt was just like... the most mind-blowing feeling. It was just like my whole life, this has been an option, and if only I could've found out sooner. Even though Charly was making some really good improvements in overall mood, I think I just reached a bit of a wall. I was still really worried about suicidal thoughts. The cumulative toll of what we'd been though was adding up. My parents were still watching me a lot, with fair reason. I was still quietly doing 15-minute checks, in actual fact. I was starting to get irritated with that, just because I was finally feeling comfortable in myself. Seeing him develop in that stage was really rewarding. Just seeing him happy in his own skin was the thing that really helped us. Me and Jayden finally had a conversation about reconnecting. I'd realised that Jayden had never done anything out of spite or anger. He just wanted to understand too. He just seemed a lot more comfortable. Seeing him that happy, I was just really happy. I felt so bad about the way I did treat him. I could never show him how sorry I am for doing that, but I'll just always be his friend from now on. I decided the easiest way to come out publicly would be Facebook, so I made a post. I went to school a bit nervous, but a friend of mine just walked past and said, 'Are you a boy now?' And I said, 'Yeah,' and she just said, 'Chur!' and walked past. (LAUGHS) And that was basically the reaction of my school. He was getting comfortable as being Charly. He's becoming the person he wants to be. Shit, man. All power to him. That's cool. That takes some balls to do, tell you what. After that was starting testosterone. My voice dropped straight away, and that was so uplifting and liberating. Just getting thicker leg hair really, really boosted my view of myself physically. He was very confident. Sometimes I thought he was a little bit too confident, as in, you know, the attitude. But what a change. Yeah, what a lovely change. I felt like a different person. I was a different person. I was myself. I realised that there's no way that I was the only kid in Gisborne who'd felt like this. Got some friends together and made a big Facebook post just to let people know that we were there ` a big group of people who can be contacted if someone needed some support. I asked Charly what there was at school and at the other schools. There was nothing. I just felt there was this kind of gap. There was nowhere to go. And I said, 'I think I can rustle something up 'only on the condition that there would be adults involved.' That's where we formed Qmunity, a youth group for LGBT kids and allies. Our mentors were three amazing people in the LGBT community. The only thing all of us wanted to do was to show our support and break down barriers. It gave him that space for leadership, being a role model for younger ones as well. I think it was extremely good for him. We were invited to the anniversary of the Homosexual Law Reform at the Beehive, and we decided to make a documentary contrasting growing up LGBT in the '80s and now. That documentary made him feel like he was a voice and his voice was being heard. I'm so proud of that documentary. Not only us and the kids that had no shame in showing the world who they were at that age,... ...but also the people that we have always had fighting for us. Being able to share his journey and maybe help others that were struggling, it gave him a sense of purpose. The Gisborne Herald at that point had a youth page, and they featured quite prominently. The feedback was so uplifting. I was just having the best time expressing my art, and it really made me feel like I was doing something good for the community. The final part of the legal puzzle is the changing of gender on your birth certificate. We had the best lawyer who was also part of the LGBT community and was very passionate about the rights we deserved. There's so much fact in my case that no one could say no to it. At the end of it, I was like, 'Wow. There it is. You're a boy.' PENE: The family decided to move in from the country, which I think was a great relief to one and all purely because of distance. Being closer to health services ` probably very important. My medical started working on getting me top surgery. They did this by saying this surgery would not be cosmetic; this is life-saving surgery, and it needs to be done funded. It was so thorough and well done that it was OK'd straight away. Even though he was feeling much more confident, to finally come to that day where those big breasts were going to be removed was... amazing. I was ecstatic afterwards. The day I was due to go home was the night that we were launching our documentary. I had a speech to make, so went from the hospital to the launch. I still had my drains in and was carrying them in pillow cases. The speech went perfect. The reaction that we got was very, very heart-warming. The journey has been tough, and it always will be, but I'm very proud of how far I've come. And I am just so grateful for everyone that's helped me. This transition is the reason I'm alive. VOICEOVER: Experiencing the world helps build their resilience. Aptamil Toddler nutritionally supports their immune system and cognitive function so you can let them experience the world. * In 2017, my best friend Jayden was moving to Dunedin. I decided to go with him. My parents also thought they wanted a change. RUSSELL: We recognised that we were gonna need to be in his life for the foreseeable future, that we don't know how long that that period was gonna be, but we might as well enjoy ourselves as well. After being here for about three months, me and Jayden decided that we would flat together. After all these years, it was cool to be living with Charly in Dunedin, after everything we'd been through. It was a really freeing experience, living on my own. We did have some conflicts, as you do flatting. Living with three boys is chaotic and very messy, and Charly is not a fan of mess, even though he's messy himself. (LAUGHS) My headspace did deteriorate in the flat due to many different things. I did end up moving out. Moving back home has definitely helped a lot ` just having a space where I can be comfortable and alone and also just having that support from my parents still. He holds within himself this lifetime of mental anguish that you can't solve by merely flicking the transgender switch. And that's his challenge for the future. My transition has definitely pushed me back a couple of years in dealing with emotions, but I'm definitely improving, and it's all just learning how to. Yeah, it's pretty good, actually. Little steps, little improvements, and I'd say he's getting there. I think the best thing that has happened here is that Charly got this job in a plant centre pet shop combined. Just being surrounded by plants and working with the animals is really therapeutic. Whatcha doing? What's happening? What's happening? He seems to be quite a favourite down there. He loves it, and he loves the customers, and the customers love him. The acceptance that I've had in the work environment too has been very heart-warming and inspiring. Me and Jayden decided to start a band, because that was something that we both just have a lot of fun doing. I first came across Charlotte in a group called South Trans. We bonded over Lady Gaga. I only know a couple of other trans people, so it was kind of cool also him being a trans guy, like, the opposite of me, and being the same amount into his transition, really. It just kind of just was, like, this really complementary friendship. We'll joke about tough subjects, and I think that's a really healthy way of dealing with it. For a transgender child to come out is unbelievably terrifying. If you're not trans, you don't know how that feels. I mean, it's a lot for a young person to go through. Transition is definitely not something people take lightly. It can be a very, very dark journey, and I don't know how many young people are lost on that journey, because it just is so overwhelming. RUSSELL: It's not an easy journey for anyone to make. Anyone that supposes otherwise or think that people become transgender as a fad or a choice are off their rockers. Being transgender is a big part of who I am. Because of the visibility that our community needs, I want to show people that I'm there, that I'm one of you guys, that we're just people. CHARLOTTE: Trans people are just as diverse as any other segment of society. There's good ones; there's bad ones; there's, um, all sorts of political views and stuff, and I think that's really normalising. Hello, Becs. I think we're pretty proud of the way the lot of them have come through it. It's been tough for the three of them. My parents have been there for me in every single aspect of my life and my transition. We are all doing much better. We're not on hyper-watch. We're on parental watch for a 20-year-old. It's almost normal. Just to see him physically healthy and to really enjoy his job, I think we're definitely now heading in a more permanent direction. We're getting there. Their love and support and my whole family's is something I never take for granted. I'm so lucky. I just want other people to have this too. Bottom line ` he should be most proud that he's still here, and when things get really shitty, he will get through it and he knows he can. He's fought extremely hard, and I'm just utterly grateful that he is still here. I don't know how to explain how proud I am of him. (SNIFFLES) He's an amazing` I mean, he's always been amazing. He really has. He was an amazing child, and he's amazing now. Charly is comfortable with who he is and unbelievably... more happy. And that's the biggest thing ` you know, happiness. I definitely feel I'm at the point where I can say I made it. Still a lot of learning to do from now on, but I've learnt how to deal with emotions I might not want to have. When I look in the mirror, I finally feel proud of my body and what it's accomplished. I've put my body through a lot, and I'm just so thankful that it's put up with me. I've learnt to love it. I am Charly Walsh, and I am transgender.