Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Able 2014 1 1 1 1 1 (ALARM RINGS) (Blows whistle) The bank's being robbed! Surround the building! (Woman screams) (WHISTLE BLOWS) There he is! (Policemen shout) DRIVER: Oi! That way! Yeah, this way, I'm sure. Sorry, sir. (MECHANICAL CLANKING) MAN: Today is the day I will finally achieve what has been deemed impossible. Man can break the 50-mile-per-hour speed barrier. And you, you're lucky enough to be a part of it, Pierre. History, sir? Yes, we will make history... ..or we will die trying. - Die?! - This is very exciting. I... That's it! I refuse to be catapulted, electrocuted or have my internal organs disrupted any longer. I quit. He is a very sick man. The electrocution was not my fault! You refused to wear the rubber underpants. POLICEMAN: We're looking for a bank robber. Is there no man brave enough to be my valet? (Screams) I'm your new valet. Uh...I must commend the valet service on their impeccable foresight, but they know I only accept French valets. Yes...uh, oui, oui! I come from a long line of French valets on my father's side. Very, very French. But your accent. My father French, never speak. My mother Chinese and never shuts up. All the children pick up her accent. (HISSING) (WHISTLE BLOWS) Very well. Will you be willing to risk your life to challenge the laws of physics as we know them? (WHISTLE BLOWS) Yes. And I can sing too. Excellent. Pop this little hat on. - POLICEMAN: He's got to be. - POLICEMAN 2: Look in here. He's this way! (Policemen shout) (MACHINE RUMBLES) And the throttle in your right hand controls the speed. (FAN WHOOSHES) How do I stop? Godspeed. (Moans) 25 miles per hour. Yes. The pressure's stable...ish. We need more speed, man. Whoa! 40 miles per hour! Hang on in there, my good man. No! (Screams) 47. (Moans) 48. (Moans uncomfortably) 49. (BELL RINGS) Eureka! We've done it! (Screams) Er... (Yells) I say, I say. Good morning. I'm looking for a man with a steam... Over here! Ah, there he is. There's my valet. (Yells) Sorry. New valet. - Ohhhh! - No, no, no, no! Look out! (Yells) Whoa! (Screams) Whoa! Good morning. Good morning. (Both scream) You'll be able to let go any second. The pack will run out of steam in exactly... three, two, one, now. (Yells) Look out! MAN: That's incredible! Well done. We've broken the human speed barrier! (Gasps) Goodbye, sir. It's been very nice valeting for you. Let's...do it again soon. No, wait, please. Wait, wait. With you as my brave valet, I can test all my inventions. No. (WHISTLE BLOWS) Yes, yes, yes. I take the job. Splendid! I can't wait to present my results to the Royal Academy. (APPLAUSE) MAN: Why, thank you. And with this grant to develop new applications for copper wire, Dr Ramsay invented this. (Crowd gasps) Needless to say, the Royal Academy of Science declared this crackpot mentally incompetent and he was duly dispatched to a lunatic asylum. (All applaud) Sir, I have an urgent announcement for you. Here. Well, don't just stand there, man, read it. What? Yes. Oh. Uh...it is with great distress that Scotland Yard announces that the Bank of England has been robbed. (Crowd gasps) My stolen Jade Buddha stolen! You blighter! You gave me every assurance that the Bank of England was impenetrable. Sir, sir, I said 'impregnable'. It's the same thing, you idiot! (Whimpers) Please, please! Not the quills! - (Grunts) - (Moans in pain) - Lord Salisbury. - Er... Please contact General Fang and inform her, "No Buddha, no deal." To forgo your obligation would be dishonourable, Lord Kelvin. A woman in the Royal Academy?! The Jade Buddha was successfully delivered by us to the Bank of England. What happens while it's in British hands... Is absolutely your concern. Colonel Kitchener, Chief of Scotland Yard, please inform General Fang what other items were stolen from the Bank of England. (Moans) Nothing else. Exactly. It seems your little land dispute has spilled over onto our noble shore. Until the Jade Buddha is back in my possession, you and your cause will receive no British military assistance whatsoever. Kitchener. My agents will retrieve the Jade Buddha once again, Lord Kelvin. This time, do not let it slip through your fingers. A female general. What sort of pathetic man takes orders from a woman? Cor. Come away from here. Oh, Dad. Can't we stay? My wind-powered pulley system circulates the house with fresh air. Kitchen items are to be placed on the white belt and the blue is for laundry. But most importantly, this supplies the house with a running current of electricity. Electricity? This is my comprehensive daily schedule and list of regulations. It's quite simple. You're never to divert one iota from my plans. I must live my life with total efficiency to maximise my inventing capacity, thus enabling me to do the most I can for mankind. Er, Mr Fogg, you are a noble, precise gentleman. Thank you. Sorry, what was your name? - (Clears throat) - Huh? Passport... ..tout. - Passepar...tout? - Mmm. (Whistles) PASSEPARTOUT: Bottled light - a miracle. Hardly. Just undiscovered science from an American named Thomas Edison. It turns on with a whistle? (Whistles) Please don't do that. (Clears throat and whistles) Ah, I see your eye is drawn to what I hope will one day be my crowning achievement. A giant moth? It's a flying machine. - It can fly? - Yes. No. But it will one day. One day, it will transport people through the air. Perhaps over entire oceans. (Whistles appreciatively) Uh-oh. I think I'm going to have to make a rule for this. Dear Father, I will find the fastest way back to China to make our village safe once again. (BELL RINGS LOUDLY) FOGG: Passepartout, departure for the Royal Academy of Science in two minutes. Prepare my urban transport device. It's the shoes with little wheels on them. Clear the way. Clear the way. Mr Fogg coming through. Look out, look out! Out of the way! PASSEPARTOUT: Gangway, gangway. MAN: Fogg's arrived. That makes it exactly 10 minutes before noon. That will be all. Gentlemen. Today I have proved that man can break the 50-mile-per-hour speed barrier without disrupting his internal organs. (Men mutter disapprovingly) Where is your Royal Academy of Science authorisation? Oh, what am I thinking? What a fool. That would mean that you were a real scientist. (All laugh) By your definition, Kelvin, a real scientist's objective would be to prevent man from progress. We live in a golden age, Fogg. Everything worth discovering has been discovered. Yet ridiculous dreamers like you insist on a past filled with dinosaurs and evolution, and on a future filled with motorised vehicles, radio waves and flying machines. Confound it! The bloody Bank of England is a madhouse. Rumour has it, it was a foreigner - an Asian chap. MAN: Rumour has it that it was a foreigner - an Asian chap. Nothing. Yes, I heard it was a Chinese fellow and he acted alone. (Whispers) No, actually, they say he was Norwegian. (Whispers) In fact, it was a gang of elderly Norwegians. Yes, I heard it from a very reliable source that it was a gang of red-headed, elderly Norwegians with very tiny feet. Well, if you ask me, it's about time someone robbed that bank. (All gasp) Like this very institution, the Bank of England is outdated. As usual, Fogg, your contempt for tradition is appalling. You rest on your traditions if you prefer, but as with this bank robber, progress waits for no-one. Oh, so now you're an expert on the bank thief as well. Give us the benefit of your ineffable wisdom, Fogg. 26 minutes ago, a ship left Dover for Paris. From there, the thief takes the Orient Express, where he transfers to a steamer from Istanbul to India. In a little over a month, that man could be in China. If we're to believe Fogg's calculations, he will have circled the globe and returned to England in a fortnight. (All laugh) Actually, by my calculations, it would be closer to exactly 80 days. (Whispers) LORD KELVIN: Outstanding idea. Well, then, Fogg, let's see you circumnavigate the world in 80 days. I... That would be a fruitless use of my time. I'm on the verge of numerous... ..countless scientific breakthroughs. You coward. Admit it - it cannot be done. It can! I could do it. A wager. �10,000. (All murmur excitedly) Unlike you and your colleagues, money does not inspire me. I believe every man has his price. Even you, oh, noble Phileas Fogg. There must be something I could offer you that would be worthy of your time. There is. Your position as head of the Royal Academy. With the Queen's ear, I could lead Britain and the rest of the world into a new age of progress and discovery. (Both laugh) - Fair enough. - What? I, Lord Kelvin, hereby vow to surrender my position as Minister of Science to Phileas Fogg... (Men cry out objections) ..if he can circumnavigate the globe in no more than 80 days. But if he cannot, he must never set foot in this academy again, he must tear down that abhorrent eyesore he calls a laboratory and he must swear never to invent again. Just as I always suspected, Fogg. You promise so much, yet you deliver...oh, nothing. (All laugh derisively) I'll...I'll take your wager. What did you say? I'll take your wager! Idiot. Then it's done. A man who's never set foot out of England circling the globe. This is going to be rather amusing. (All laugh) History won't remember your amusement, Lord Kelvin, but it will be hard-pressed to forget the moment I'm standing on the very top step of the Royal Academy of Science... (BELL TOLLS) ..by the strike of noon, after I, Phileas Fogg, have travelled around the world in 80 days. (CHEERING) FOGG: Oh, dear. Mr Fogg, we're all packed and ready to go. Mr Fogg, are you in here? (Crowd chants) Phileas! Phileas! Phileas! Phileas! Mr Fogg, are you well, sir? Ah, Passepartout. Would you sit with me a moment? Yes, sir. I have risked everything - my entire life's work. For something you believe in. Nothing could make more sense than that, sir. You are an honourable man, Passepartout... ..but I'm afraid this was a calamitous lapse of judgment. - Mr Fogg. - Yes? - Maybe we should let your family... - There really is no-one left to tell. This house and my inventions are all I have. And a brave, new French valet that will help you make it around the world in 80 days. - You really believe we can succeed? - Yes. Yes, yes, yes! You're mad. We'll be sliced to pieces before we reach India. Halt. - Quite a contraption you've got here, Mr Fogg. - Why, thank you, Inspector. But, sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to detain you and your valet until further notice. You see, this here do-hickey is in violation of the city's new vehicle code. Vehicle code? Code 431 - all vehicles must be powered by horses or other indigenous quadruped creatures of the like, excluding giraffes and... My good man, you're drivelling. Now, stand aside. I'm about to embark upon a journey around the world. Oh! Not in this monstrosity, you're not. - No! Mm-mm. - That's hot. It's... (Screams) Waaah! Time to go. We have a boat to catch. (Policeman screams) Stealing a police vehicle is not an acceptable way to begin our journey. Not stealing, borrowing. Excuse us, we're just borrowing this vehicle to catch our ship to Paris. If someone could inform the appropriate authorities. Bloody hell! My brain's leakin'! Arggh! Hey, man. Oh, hey. Come to check out the car? BOTH: Yeah. - Josh. - Jen. Hi. She's in pretty good nick. Only done 110,000 K's. WOF and rego. You know, full service history. (OMINOUS MUSIC) What is this? This is a one-star safety-rated car. Yeah. Try and get in. (HORN TOOTS) My body's, like, folded in half. I don't understand what's going on. People don't often think about how a car will crash and how it will protect you. That's what a star safety rating tells you. Just can't imagine` If we crashed in a car like this, there's no way we would survive. (OMINOUS MUSIC) * (Sighs) Damn that nincompoop Fix. What's the point of hiring a corrupt police officer if he can't even abuse the law properly? - Kitchener. - Sir? - Tell Inspector Fix to pack his bags. He's going on a little trip. - Right away, sir. (Speaks Chinese language) Smart man. Passepartout, will you tell this impudent fellow that we must leave within six and a half hours or we will miss our connection in Constantinople? Yes, sir. Please, we are in a great hurry. - Passepartout. - Yes? In French. Sacre bleu, la champignon, chateau, bien, Francois, u est la, ooh la la, foie de gras. (Speaks French) - What did he say? - Uh...he said... What? He says not to worry. The next train will leave in five hours. Good time for sightseeing. Passepartout, this is a scientific expedition, not a holiday. I will not miss this train. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) Ah, very amazing. What? What does it say? This week only, Eddie Thomason will be showing his new inventions. Thomas Edison? Here in Paris? What a chance for you to meet another great inventor. Uh, yes, I would quite like to tell him about my whistle modification. Good idea. See? Exposition. Science! (Speaks Chinese language) (Plays cheerful accordion tune) I assure you, these are not the works of Thomas Edison. Uh, I think he is somewhere around here. Wait a moment. This isn't science. This is art. Yeah. (Scoffs) That painting is highly inaccurate. WOMAN: It's not supposed to be accurate. The artist views reality through imagination rather than simply recording it. It is called impressionism. Well, I'm not impressed. Trees are not violet, grass is not charcoal and a man cannot... ..fly. You feel something. You dream of flying... ..or of naked man. - Sometimes. - Oh. The flying, not...not the man. I'm glad you like my painting. - Monique La Roche. - Phileas Fogg. Well, I must say, it's an awful lot better than these amateurs. What did he say? Oh, no. Oh. (Clears throat) Bonjour. Non. Goodness. What was all that about? Well, a wealthy gentleman bought my painting for a lot of money. Champagne for everyone! (Shouts) I'm still looking for Mr Eddie. - Nice painting. - Oh. Have you ever considered a career in schematic drawing? No, it would be far too limiting. At least your work shows genuine promise. Thank you. Oh, those were painted many months ago. I was lacking inspirat... I found some men to help me find Mr Edimon. This way. Thank you. Thank you. He's very eager. (Shouts in Chinese language) Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, it's terrible, no? - No, no, it's clever. - Oh. Mmm. Yes. He's a clown and yet he's incredibly angry. Oh, the irony is terrifying. - Is that good? - Is it? Ah, this is interesting. Of course, you do realise that without opposable thumbs, a dog could never play poker. Yes, they can. And where have you ever seen a dog playing poker? Right there. Yes, well, perhaps I'm not the best judge. (Men yell) (Woman screams) PASSEPARTOUT: Bandits! (Woman screams) They've come to take away all the paintings! Quickly, come this way. Passepartout! Go, go, go. Ah. Thank you, Miss La Roche. You may just have saved our trip. There you are. I would...I would like to repay you. Then take me with you. What? I'm stifled here, pigeonholed. They think of me only as a coat-check girl. Why? Because I am the coat-check girl. - Ah. - Look. The leading art critic in Paris - look what he wrote about one of my paintings. I can't read this. I think it's French. I wish I couldn't. Why do you carry it around with you? When I do succeed, I can throw it in his face. But for now, I need a world journey to inspire me. I'm inspired to get us back on schedule. Let's see. Wind velocity approximately 12 knots. Factoring in air density. Outstanding! Passepartout, onward! Ah. Oh, there we go. Passepartout, tell him to keep the change. (Speaks gibberish) Por favor. We are going around the world in 80 days! Please, Miss La Roche, the balloon cannot support all this weight! Your hot air should compensate, eh? (Crowd shouts) Phew! What are they doing? They're being disorderly. Hey! Let go! Let go! Hey! Passepartout! My valise! It has all my money in it. (Screams) (Gasps) Arggh! (Laughs) Lady, lady, lady... ..this my bag! - No, that is my bag! - No, that's not your bag. - It's my bag! - No! - You're crazy! - Yes. Arggh! Ah...ah...ah! (Laughs) That tickles! (Speaks Chinese language) You took my bag! Mr Fogg! (Groans) - Good catch! - Thank you. Arggh! (SQUELCH!) Oooh! Those are the gallery bandits! Ha-ha-ha! Oh, yes. Oh! He stole my purse! The scoundrel stole my purse! My bag! He took my... Arggh! We've stolen that old lady's purse. Oh. FOGG: We must help Passepartout. How do I make this go lower? What are you doing? If you decrease the overall weight... - That's not going to work. - Yes, it is. (Onlookers gasp) Physics, non? Yes. (Bellows) (Laughs) Arggh! Eiy! Oooh... Bonjour. (Ladies laugh) Bonjour. - Eh? - Bye-bye. Wake up, lady! Wake up! Wake up, lady! Arggh! Wake up, lady, wake up! (Gasps) - 'Bye, Mama. - Merci. - 'Bye, baby. - (Gurgles) (Gasps) Arggh! (Shrieks) BOTH: Oooh! FOGG: Very impressive. I'd have let go by now. (CREAK!) Ugh! The statue's grabbing his trousers. I don't think it's doing it on purpose. Ah! Ah... Oh, dear. Arggh! PASSEPARTOUT: Arggh! (PROPELLER WHIRRS SOFTLY) Well done, Passepartout. We're still on schedule, despite those dogged thieves. Yes, yes. Thank you. Those art thieves seemed to recognise you. I look like someone they know. Some other Frenchman, perhaps? So, where can we drop you off? We're not stopping. Once we land in Munich to board the Orient Express, you are free to go. - Thank you so much! - For what? For saying I am free to go with you. No, no - I did not say you were free to come, I said you were free to go. - Where? - Anywhere. Yes, thank you, I will go with you. - No, you will not, Miss La Roche. - Monique. - Miss... - Monique! - Monique! - There! Now we are getting along. MONIQUE: Comme s'il est beau! C'est magnifique! Oh! Tout ces couleurs! Look at the sunrise - there is only one word for it... ..'magical'! Miss La Roche! I refuse to allow you to continue travelling with us. I'm not travelling with you. I'm making my own way. Maybe you shouldn't travel with me. This is what happens when you leave your home! You meet...people! (Chuckles) Why are you keeping up this ruse? Perhaps I should inform Mr Fogg, and together, he and I can speculate... A very sacred object was stolen from my village. I have to take it back. (Gasps) For many centuries, the Jade Buddha has protected my people. It has never left our village... ..until now. And those art thieves, who are they? The Black Scorpions. They work for an evil warlord - Fang. She wants the Buddha so she can take over my village. I must return the Jade Buddha to protect Lanzhau. Mr Fogg is the fastest way. Perhaps, then... ..we can help one another. I will keep your secret, and you... ..you convince Mr Fogg to allow me to travel the world with you. Keep this dummkopf in his seat, or I will throw him off! Merely pointing out that if they coordinated their coal shovelling technique, they could maximise our speed. (Giggles) When we reach Constantinople, I suggest you board a train we are not on. Uh, Mr Fogg, she must come with us. And why is that? Uh, we just discovered that we are related, from the...same family. I'm her father's second cousin's sister on my mother's side. French. Monsieur Fogg - if I make the train go faster, I can come with you, oui? (Chuckles) Yes. (Laughs) I bid you farewell, Miss La Roche. (ENGINE THUNDERS, WHISTLE TOOTS) (ENGINE ACCELERATES) (Laughs) (Engineers guffaw) If there is anything else you would like, just let us know... ..Miss La Roche. (GLASSES CLINK) WAITER: Ah, voila! Champagne with your first-class seats, Mademoiselle La Roche. Merci. - Champagne? - No, thank you. - Merci. - Monsieur. (Sighs) (Fogg clears throat) My tea? OK! (WHISTLE BLOWS) 'How to Make English Tea'. Precisely 96 degrees. Oooh! Excuse me, sir. Fogg's valet! - The Jade Buddha! - This is not a Jade Buddha. Oh, yes, it is! - You are right. - But I'm not a valet. Oh, really? (CLANG!) Ow! (Slams door) Oh! Me bloody nose! Let me in! You're gonna pay for scalding me willy! (Cackles) Now I've got you! Arggh! Oooh! Ow! Whoa! You're under arrest! Arggh! (Fix continues screaming) (Sniffs) Sorry! (Shrieks hideously) (BRAKES SQUEAL, PASSENGERS GASP) Why the devil are we stopping? (Passengers gasp) Prince Hapi would be honoured to have Phileas Fogg and his travelling companions at his banquet. FOGG: How very flattering... ..but please inform Prince Hapi that we are on a very tight schedule. Prince Hapi demands it. Then Prince Hapi will have to get accustomed to not getting everything he wants. MAN: Whoa! (Horse neighs) (Man speaks Turkish) It is magnificent! Mr Fogg - this house is even bigger than yours! His collection, his taste - it is exquisite. Yes, it is... ..no good. Very old - look, broken. And where is His Highness? (Plays traditional Turkish music) The prince is also a talented musician. I'm sure if I did nothing but lounge about the palace all day, I'd learn to pluck a few notes. (Plays complex, soulful riff) (Court applauds) Well, let's make this brief - I will pose for a few photographs, perhaps wearing a turban, holding an atlas... HAPI: Mademoiselle... ..how magical that our paths should cross. Do you believe in fate? Is that what you call it when one stops a moving train and kidnaps its passengers? Phileas Fogg, please forgive me... ..but I feel like Aphrodite herself descended to earth. (Monique giggles) How does a ravishing woman like you... I never think when I'm naked. I do. - In the bath. - Yes, well... NO! Don't touch it! That is my most treasured possession. - I was only pointing. I was... - Don't even point. Rodin. Yes, a Rodin. (Sighs) I've never seen a more beautiful...muscular form. Well, I can assure you, I'm in much better shape now. Incroyable! It's a sculpture of you! Yes. "Hapi birthday. Your pal, Rodin." - Come, my dear - let us dine. - Yes. Ah, Mr Fogg, please join us. No, sorry, we are on a very tight schedule. We will join you, actually. Just one drink. (Hapi and Monique laugh) After the Duke and the Duchess sat down in the bath, I realised I forgot to put on my bathing suit! (All laugh) I'm such a fool - always embarrassing myself in front of visiting dignitaries. - (Giggles) - (Chuckles) But you know how that can be, right, Phil? Uh, yes. (Laughs insincerely) It's Phileas, actually. So, Foggy...tell me, I hear that you're an inventor. Uh, I try to apply myself to thinking of new ways to help better mankind, if that's what you mean. Well, I'm not an inventor, but I did develop a new way of irrigating dry land so that no-one in my kingdom ever has to be hungry. Oh... Mr Fogg invented wheelie shoes. (Both guffaw) Not now, Passepartout. - (Sighs) - Oh... Mmm! - Miss La Roche? - Mm? It is mesmerising, the way your face illuminates. Oh. You know, her discolouration could easily be interpreted as an allergic reaction or a mild form of hives. (Snorts) Although, in actuality, I have noticed a certain luminescent glow about her complexion when she's drawing. And...sometimes, when she's concentrating on her latest work, her ears will actually flutter. It's rather fetching. Well, guess who else was in this bath? US President... ..Rutherford B. Hayes! Shouldn't we be going now? We have a schedule to keep. Thank you for your hospitality, Prince Hapi. It's been absolutely fascinating, but, um, I'm afraid we must push on. - Yes. - Very well. The gentlemen are free to go, but Miss La Roche... ..stays here with me... ..to be my wife. - Huh? - Yes! Wife number seven! You have seven wives? One for each day of the week. - This is absolutely ridiculous. - No more talk! - (Guards growl) - Prince Hapi has spoken! (SCIMITARS RING) Well, we did say, "One drink." Passepartout, we're leaving. I can tell when we're not wanted. Monsieur Fogg! - Uh... - Do Tuesdays work for you? Goodbye. PASSEPARTOUT: Thank you! NO! FOGG: Halt... ..or Hapi gets smashed! Please! Anything but my statue of me! Miss La Roche, please join us, if you will. All of you - drop your weapons. Do as he says! Get in the tent. - Everybody! - Now! Let's go! Come on. Now, take off your clothes and throw them... Uh, I assure you the statue is not armed...harmed! In any way. In fact, it's completely... Arggh! Get them! I was` ...taking it` ...slow. Stealth as. Pretty chill. Hung a right. Left. Boom. (SIREN WHOOPS) (BRAKES WHINE SOFTLY) SOFTLY: Oh no, no, no, no, no. (BREATHALYSER BEEPS) OK. That is a fail. (SIGHS SOFTLY) (EXHALES SHARPLY) (INDISTINCT RADIO TRANSMISSION) (SCOFFS SOFTLY) RT: We're just gonna go 4Q. (SIGHS SOFTLY) Get them! * (WILD SHOUTING) His arm! Thank you, Phileas. That was very heroic. Yes, and needlessly time-consuming. This is exactly why I should never have let you... ..come along. HAPI: KILL THEM! I want my arm back! (Sobs) NO! Sir, I've received a telegram from Inspector Fix. Aha! According to him, the bank thief and Fogg's valet are the same man. That numbskull Fogg doesn't even realise he's transporting the bank thief. Or does he? He did leave town in quite a hurry, wouldn't you say, Lord Rhodes? Indeed, Lord Salisbury. Evading arrest, stealing a police vehicle... ..sounds rather incriminating to me. One could almost deduce this entire bet was merely a ruse to facilitate his escape. Don't you agree, Lord Kelvin? Yes! Brilliant, Lord Salisbury! I shall name a beef-related entree after you, in your honour. - Kitchener! - Sir? Inform your men at Scotland Yard that Phileas Fogg is, without a doubt, the man who robbed the Bank of England! - Sir. - Where are they now? Uh, they're taking a train across India, from Bombay to Calcutta. Thank God we own India. I want their faces posted in every police station, army barracks, post office, railway station and outhouse in India! We're going to stop Fogg and get my Jade Buddha back BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY! Agra is where we will capture them! (WHISTLE BLOWS) MAN: Intercept them at Agra! Carry on, soldier! (Barks orders) And they were the greatest kung-fu boxers - the Ten Tigers of Canton. Brothers in arms, they fought to keep order and justice in China. The most famous of the Ten Tigers was Wong Fei Hung. - CHILDREN: Oooh... - One night... (Goat bleats) It's salivating on... Please... Is this your goat? Did they really fight like tigers? Each Tiger had their own animal fighting style. - The tiger! - (Children laugh) Snake - split head, split tail, split bone, split tongue. Where are my steam pressure calculations? Monkey! FOGG: The goat! Passepartout, I'm being attacked by a ferocious animal! (Goat bleats) It has...small horns. Sorry, Mr Fogg. (Goat bleats) Please keep that inconsiderate beast away from me, and refrain from your ridiculous anecdotes. Why do you not like his story, Mr Frog? It's Fogg. Phileas Fogg. (Whispers) Fogg. How can a man learn to defend himself by watching animals behave like... (Goat bleats) ..animals? It is a famous legend. A ridiculous legend. Most legends are born from truth. Yes, but all truths are born from facts. Solid, tangible facts that can be calculated and written down on paper. And then eaten by a goat. (Children laugh) Mr Feelsillyus, when I tell the story of the man who circled the entire world in 80 days, would that not be a legend? Only if the man's name was Feelsillyus Frog. (Children laugh and squeal) (HORN BLASTS) What the blazes is it now? (WHISTLES HOOT, SHOUTING) MAN: Come on! Look sharp, now! Get 'em! Find these men! Uh-oh... Time to go! They seem to think we robbed the Bank of England. That's preposterous. This is merely a desperate attempt by Lord Kelvin to impede my journey. I am a British citizen. I have nothing to fear. (GUNSHOTS, SCREAMING) Except bullets. MAN: Look! Have you seen these men? Any word on the bank thieves, sir? They were spotted on the train. Keep your rifles at the ready. They won't get past us, sir! Ladies, have you seen these two men? Look closely, they're very dangerous. FOGG: They're everywhere! This is not going to work. PASSEPARTOUT: Stay calm. Just act like a lady. MONIQUE: Not a problem. (In falsetto) Hello... I feel faint. Phileas! Women are not that weak! No, but I am. (Drops case) Hello, darlin'. What can I do for you, eh? Uh... (Speaks shrill gibberish) What nice hands, nice eyes, nice eyes, nice... Hang about! Arggh! Mr Fogg, what are you doing? This is no time to sleep! Sir! Stop! Stop! Go, go, go. Get us out of Agra...quickly! (Whispers) Passepartout, we did it! Hey, wrong way! (Growls) (Screams) Phileas? (Squeals) Arggh! Run! Run, Passepartout! (Cries out) Fogg's valet! - What are you doing? - Now I've got you! - Huh? - Hand over the Jade Buddha! - Oh! - (Growls) - You're under arrest! - Whoa! Watch me plums! Ah! Oooh! - (Roars) - (Squeals) See, now you get him very mad! - Let's go! - (Screams) Stop, or I'll arrest you as well. (Growls) Run! Which way? - Down! - (Screams) Again! Down! Jump! Oooh! (Moans) Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! What's upsetting him? He also wants the Jade Buddha! Then give it to him! - (Moans) No, no... - Phileas! Wake up! Please, please, you must go. My husband will be home soon. Phileas! (Attempts battle cry) (SLAP!) OW! Aiee! (Gasps) - Phileas, help! - Leave her alone! I'll protect you... Arggh! Ha! I'm here, my dear! That stumble was simply to buy me time. This cane is not as it appears. If I depress this button here, it will deploy a weapon far more deadly than yours. This... ..is... ..a strange knife. Isn't it a sextant? Yes. (Groans) (CANE CLICKS OPEN) (Groans) Hah! Are you alright, my dear? Phileas, that was so unlike you! (Gasps) (Man shouts) You come with me! (Whispers) You'd better put this on. Perhaps I should wear women's clothing more often. (Laughs) (Moans) - Oh! We should run. - What, now? Mm-hm. Yes, we should run. (Woman screams) - Break down the door! - OK! No, no, no! Not me brains! - (Attacker growls) - Whoo! - Oooh! - Arrrrh! Give me the Jade Buddha! OK, OK. What's Buddha? - Get ready to jump! - What? - Now! - Arggh! It is him! The Englishman who robbed the Bank of England! He is escaping in that... (Speaks Indian language) SOLDIER: Hey, there he is! Lads, over here! They'll check all trains heading east. Even if we could make it to the coast, we can't sail into Singapore, or even Hong Kong. They're both British colonies. Does England own everything in Asia? Not China. Not yet. Passepartout, you look troubled. (Sighs) I cannot keep lying to Mr Fogg. You did what you had to. The fate of your village is of far greater importance than any bet Phileas has made. If he loses, all it will cost him is some money and pride. No, Mr Fogg will lose much more than that. What do you mean? (ROOSTER CROWS) My village. - Your village? - Uh... I mean...my, what a village! Oh, it's beautiful. We do need to stop and resupply, but we must be off by morning. (Children shout) - Lau Xing, Lau Xing. - Lau Xing, Lau Xing. VILLAGERS: Lau Xing, Lau Xing. Lau Xing. - Lau Xing. - Lau Xing. (Villagers chant) Lau Xing, Lau Xing. (Speaks Chinese language) Goodness, that's quite a welcome. Do these people know him? It must be their custom, the way they welcome all strangers. - Lau Xing. - Lau Xing. (Children cheer) Lau Xing. (Speaks Chinese language) Lau Xing. Lau Xing. (Children laugh) Oh, uh... 1 Whoa. That's beautiful. You are very talented. Thank you. You need more blue. Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating. - Gan bei. - Sorry? ALL: Gan bei! - (Coughs) - (All laugh) Vile. (Laughs) Absolutely vile. Welcome home, Lau Xing. Your brothers will be proud. The whole notion of a lighter-than-air craft cannot work, of course, unless you can harness the power of helium or hydrogen, which is far better... (Speaks Chinese language) - BOTH: Gan bei. - Yes, rather. I couldn't have put it better myself. MAN: As for this Englishman, do you think such an association is wise? I promise you, he is the most disciplined man I have ever met. The crane! The monkey! Very frightening. Snake. (Hisses) And, of course, the eagle! Yaarggh! GIRL: Phileas. Phileas, I made this for you. Oh, yes. Oh, that's very, very good. Yes. What does this say? - 'Stupid'. - (All laugh) Lau Xing... Gan bei, gan bei, gan bei. Gan bei. (Speaks Chinese language) Really, I... I've only just... I just, uh... (Mutters) ALL: Gan bei! Gan bei. I'm going to be abominably ill. Gan bei! (Groans) I want to die. Please kill me. (Sighs) (Reads) "Dear Father, "I will find the fastest way to China..." (All laugh) Mr Fogg, I was going to tell you. This is your family. My name's not Passepartout. It is Lau Xing. I robbed the Bank of England. You robbed the Bank of England? Not for gold or money, but for the Jade Buddha. It was stolen from our village. Phileas, he had no other choice. This was his only way to get home. You knew about this? Well... I have nothing but respect for you, Mr Fogg. Then respect my deductive reasoning. You have both used me. You to escape to China, and you to travel the world to further your impressionistic humbug. Your overtures of...comradeship, of friendship, of... All that was just a means to ensure I would take you along. My entire life I got along splendidly by myself. You've been nothing more than pebbles in my shoe, slowing me down, endangering my life, risking everything, all I've ever lived for. And you... You knew that. Don't let him go. He'll be lost by midnight. Go. More of your relatives, I suppose. You can just forget about a reference. I beg a thousand pardons, Mr Fogg. (Man yells in Chinese language) Arggh! (Yells) What's he screaming about? He is saying, "Please let me go. I'm bored." (Yells) Why is he in prison? (Speaks Chinese language) (Speaks Chinese language) - Urinating in public. - Charming. At least he had the decency to be forthcoming about it. Is there anything you've told me that's even remotely true? I really can sing. (Sings) # Frere Jacques, Frere Jacques # Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous? # Sonnez les matines Sonnez les matines # Ding, ding, ding Ding, ding, ding. # "Ding, dang, dong," Passepartout. "Ding, dang, dong." - (Men shout gruffly) - Look. Oh, good. Here comes Mr Grumpy and the Leatherettes. Where is the Jade Buddha? You are better off killing me. You have nerve. But are your comrades so brave? Your threats don't frighten me, nor does your silly bracelet. Alright, it's not silly. I spit on you! France spits on you! Vive Lanzhou! Your turn will come soon enough. Coward, leave them alone. Fight me. Yes, fight him. Let's see how ferocious you really are. (Barks order) Hey, that's cheating. Look out! Left! Behind you. MONIQUE: Now! Hit them! Silence! No. No! You savages! Phileas, help him. - Watch out on the right. - Huh? - Oh, no. My right. - Huh? Oh! Stop helping me! What's happening? Where is Passepartout? How is he getting on? I wouldn't say he's winning, but I think he's doing alright. (All laugh mockingly) Go home to mama. Ha-ha! (Exhales heavily) What took you so long? I had to finish my lunch. Wong Fei Hung, surely you're not foolish enough to take on all of my men by yourself? Ten Tigers. Kill them! Execute the prisoners! I want their heads on pikes! What's happening? Phileas! (Cries out) - Oh, God. - (Squeals) Passepartout... Knife! (Hollers battle cry) - Merci. - Oh, you're welcome. (Screams) You promise me the Black Scorpions will never come back to Lanzhou. These are my brothers and sister, the Ten Tigers. But there are only nine. Including me. They're real. The legend was true. 1 - (Speaks Chinese) - (All applaud) Mr Fogg... Passepartout, or whatever your name is, save your apologies. Phileas, he risked his life for what he believes in. If anyone understands that, you do. Please ensure Miss La Roche finds safe passage home. This should be adequate. Oh, I, uh, believe this is your veil. I will never dress like a woman again. Ever. Mr Fogg, please let me help you win your bet. I have secured the services of a more reliable gentleman. (Screams) Yes, well, perhaps I'll just travel alone. Hey. (CART RATTLES) (BELL RINGS, GULLS CRY) Ah, the most modern city in the world. Finally, civilisation. (EXPLOSION, SCREAMS, GLASS SMASHES, GUNSHOT) (WOMAN SCREAMS) Excuse me. Uh, pardon me... Can anyone direct me to the Pacific Railroad station? Oh, I'm so sorry, sir. I'm such a rutabaga sometimes. Oh, no, please. It's my fault entirely. Let me, uh... Oh, Lord. I think I've sprained my knee. I should find you a physician. There's a kind old doctor who has an office just around the corner. Excellent. Well, I'll... I'll get him for you. Thank you. There should be more people like you in this world. (Laughs) Well done. Jackpot. Whoo! (Laughs) Mon Dieu. Can you imagine Phileas alone in a place like this? I'm sure he's fine. Alms. Alms. Alms for the poor. Oh. "Arms"? You've already got arms. It's money you need. I can't even scrounge proficiently. Hey! Cheer up, pal. You've just got to figure out what will work for you. Now, what makes you different from them? I am hungry and miserable. No. You stink. Now, your stink is your most powerful weapon in your begging arsenal. Watch this. - Hey! - (Gasps) - Give me some money, please! - Yeah, sure, fella. Just don't touch me. You stink. (Yells) That guy smells like a dead horse! I'm not proud of it. - Simple, yet effective. - Yeah. I see. You try. Come on! Give it a shot. I've got faith in you. Excuse me. Now...uh, you... (Laughs wickedly) I'm not going to lie to you. That's going to happen about half the time. It's a volume business. (Sighs) - Hunk of cheese? - Oh, yes, I would rather... Maybe later. What are them drawings? You some kind of devil-worshipper? Don't you be putting a hex on me! I'll cut you up! I'm an inventor. That's nice. Or rather, I was. And one day I will build a machine that will allow man to fly. Flying men? Where?! Nowhere. Where are the flying men?! - Where are the flying men?! - They're over there. The bird men are coming! I know it! The bird men are coming! (People gasp) The bird men are coming! The bird men! The bird men! (Reads) "I travelled the world for inspiration "and found it in a man... "..who lives what he dreams." Phileas? No. Passepartout! Monique! Mr Fogg! You crossed the Pacific Ocean? F-For me? We will help you win your bet. Mr Fogg, I will never let you down. But why would you do this? Because you are our friend... ..and, perhaps, more. More with her. You and me - we just stay 'we're friends'. (All laugh) - Eugh! - Eugh! GENERAL FANG: Lord Kelvin, I can offer you something much more precious than a single Jade Buddha. Beneath Lanzhou are a series of untapped jade reserves. If the town were to be overrun, those reserves would be ours. I see. However, should Phileas Fogg win this race, I will have neither the power, nor the means, to hand over any arsenal. Then I will see to it personally that Mr Fogg's journey is cut short. Very well. Let us consider our deal to be... Still, it's a first-rate idea, sir. What's this thing here blocking my jade reserves? That will certainly have to be demolished. But that is the Great Wall of China, sir. It's not that great. Passepartout went to get help hours ago. What if he's lost? Oh... Don't fret, my dear. Passepartout's a keen warrior with impeccable survival instincts. No doubt he'll return with help and we will board our train in Reno with time to spare. Agua! Perhaps I'm being a little optimistic. Help! - Help us! - Help! (Screams) A rattlesnake! Oh! Oh! - (Yells) Help! - Please, I don't want to die! I don't want... Ah! Ha! Good morning! (Chuckles weakly) Howdy! Hey, crazy English cowboy wannabe man. How's about going to be crazy some place else? You're blocking the damn path. Wilbur. It's him. I'll be damned. Mr Fogg, my name is Orville Wright. This is my brother Wilbur. We're big fans of yours. Well, 'fan's a strong word. We've got a lot of money riding on you to win your bet. Are you gonna win it? We're going to use our winnings to build this. Orville, maybe now is not the time. Let me explain it to Mr Fogg. Mr Fogg, just one second. You've got to forgive my brother. He's got his head up in the clouds. He's one of these sad little dreamers. Thinks one day man's going to go swooshing around on the planet like a little hummingbird flying through the air. (Yells) Yeah, we're all going to fly. He thinks so too. (Whispers) It's really kind of sad. I'm sorry. He's kind of a moron. He's mastered the cable steering system! I knew it! The drag and lift ratio. This is brilliant! - Thank you! - That's what I've been saying. But Orville doesn't listen to me. All that stuff you said about mastering the...the...the... That's exactly what I say. You've got to have faith in me, no matter how crazy big brother's dreams sound... But you told me... You've got to have confidence. Shh. I said you've got to speak up. You've got to speak up. Excuse me, gentlemen. Have you come across our friend on your way here? No. Wait, who are we looking for? I notice everything. Passepartout. You mean the crazy half-naked Chinese guy we saw running around, where he was like... Singing 'Frere Jacques'. Yeah. He had a cow skull on his head. - Possibly. - Yes. He's in the back of the wagon. Passepartout! You're alive! Is that you, Grandma? - Bye-bye! - Good luck! Go win the bet! No pressure, but you gotta win it! 'Bye! Now, you see? To get the real classy dames, you gotta invent stuff. I did. "I did"? What's with the "I did"? We're the Wright brothers. "We did." Now go. Hee-arr! (TRAIN HORN TOOTS) Never going to make it. Never going to make it! Bok, bok, bok...arrgh! Ha-ha-ha! New York, New York! So much to see, so little time! Our steamer for London leaves in 10 minutes! Go, go, go, go! (SHIP HORN BOOMS) MONIQUE: We're never going to make it. Phileas Fogg? Would you autograph this for me, please? It's for the wife. Certainly. Uh, this business about me robbing the Bank of England... Oh, I'm from Ireland. Nice goin'. (HORN BLARES) The boat. Alright, follow me. I know a short cut. (Shouts) Make a lane! Make a lane! I was` ...taking it` ...slow. Stealth as. Pretty chill. Hung a right. Left. Boom. (SIREN WHOOPS) (BRAKES WHINE SOFTLY) SOFTLY: Oh no, no, no, no, no. (BREATHALYSER BEEPS) OK. That is a fail. (SIGHS SOFTLY) (EXHALES SHARPLY) (INDISTINCT RADIO TRANSMISSION) (SCOFFS SOFTLY) RT: We're just gonna go 4Q. (SIGHS SOFTLY) * Where are we? (Gasps) That's a big man. It is a lady. A French lady. She looks like an evil Chinese warlord to me. (Policeman chuckles) Your journey has caused quite a stir, Mr Fogg, but I'm afraid it ends here. Leave them alone, Fang. This has nothing to do with them. On the contrary, Lau Xing. Lord Kelvin and I have made new arrangements to conquer Lanzhou. Unfortunately for Mr Fogg, they entail his...permanent detour. I knew Kelvin was duplicitous, but to align himself with such a little scoundrel! Alright, you're not a scoundrel! But you are quite small. As in...petite. But most definitely lethal and, you know, generally very scary. PASSEPARTOUT: One...two... - Go! - ..three! Oh! Oooh! Oooh! - Go up there! - Stop them! Passepartout! My cane! Uh...there. MONIQUE: Passepartout! Passepartout! Run! Ouch. (Monique screams) Passepartout! Help! There you are. - Ugh! - Arggh! You have a knife in your right buttock. Arggh! Arggh! Oooh! Oooh! Ahhh-choo! - It's the evil Chinese warlord! - Huh? She's coming! Arggh! (HORN BLARES) The boat! Up there! Hurry! Go, go, go! Go, Mr Fogg! There is not much time! (HORN BLARES) Wait a minute. Wait, wait! What am I thinking? Passepartout can't defeat them all by himself. He's nine Tigers short. (HORN BLARES) Phileas, I do believe you are becoming the man of my dreams. Well, when all this is over, let's hope that the arms and legs of the man of your dreams are still attached to the torso of the man of your dreams. (HORN BLARES) You have failed to stop him. Then your death will have to suffice. Let go of me! Look, it's going to fall! How can we save...? - Phileas? - I will save him, Moni... Arggh! Whoa! Mr Fogg! (Screams) Arggh! (Whispers) Passepartout. (Grunts) Passepartout, you're alive! - Are you injured? - Ugh! Ugh! Yes, well, rules are made to be broken. Or, er, stabbed by a spiky shoe. Mr Fogg. You missed the ship. You lost your bet. Well, at least I didn't lose a friend. (Shrieks ferociously) You must be the 11th Tiger. (Quietly) Miaow. Let's go. We must catch the next ship. It would never reach London in time. No...no...no. We are not giving up! I almost died, you almost died! We are taking the next ship! And we'll get back! Very well. - Let's go. - Yes! Thank you. (Man shouts commands) FOGG: Yes...yes, yes! Oh, it's hopeless. By those calculations I'm still behind by one day. Phileas, there must be some way! Phileas Fogg on my boat? What an honour, sir! I have quite a penny wagered on you. The wife's none too happy about it. Then again, she hasn't cracked a smile since the day that shark almost devoured me. Got 'em both in one bite. It's Inspector Fix! My goodness! He made it around the world before Fogg! I came back from India the short way, you ninny! I take it you don't have Phileas Fogg in that valise? A little Jade Buddha, perhaps? Arggh! (THUD!) (Shrieks hideously) MAN: That's the last of the coal, Captain! MAN 2: Full sail! Mr Fogg. I'm sorry to say we've burnt the last of the coal. But I've had a word with the crew, and all of them... ..have agreed to burn their shoes. The effort is appreciated, Captain. Unfortunately, we're not even close. We've got a mere six hours. Even shoes cannot help us now. There must be something we can do. (BIRDS SQUAWK) That's it! I've got it. Birds. Excellent idea. We'll burn birds! No, we'll fly to London! We simply follow the laws of physics mastered by the birds millennia ago, and combine it with the Wright brothers' ingenious cable steering system. Most people would laugh at you. But not us. We care about you. Captain, I'm afraid I have to ask permission to dismantle your ship to build this flying machine. Dismantle 'Carmen'? But she's me livelihood, me most loyal companion. Never, never ever! What if I could direct you to an impeccable physician who could replace both your nipples at my expense? And I will give you enough money to buy a brand-new ship. You had me at the nipples. Cornelius, fetch me my tool kit now! CORNELIUS: Aye-aye, Captain. MAN: Timber! I'll go sharpen the...propeller. Wrong way. Not looking. MAN: Just one more. That's it. Right, lads. Tie it off. The Greenwich time zone. The last time I shall set my watch ahead. Well. Shall we...fly? Let's. Mr Fogg... Harrrr! Inspiring words. Very well. Prepare for take-off! Yes, sir! Mr Fogg, are you sure?! No! (All cry out) (All cheer and applaud) How the hell are we getting back? ALL: Whoa! - Now! - Arggh! ALL: Whoa! (Monique giggles) You did it, Phileas! We are flying! My God! It's...magical! Better than your dreams? Better than my dreams. Hey, don't forget to steer! It's a... ..a telegram from... ..General Fang, sir. (Screams with frustration) We're going to make it! Is this alright? Oh dear. This is exactly like a dream I had. You dream of winning the race? No, of crashing to my death. Don't worry. I'm gonna get it. MAN: Look up there! MAN 2: Great Scott! That's amazing! Don't step on the wing! Sir, rumour has it a flying machine is heading for the Royal Academy - our bank thief at the pedals. Some people will believe anything. ALL: A flying machine's heading towards the Royal Academy! The bank thief is pedalling! See what I mean? (Whimpers fearfully) Well done, Passepartout. The wing ropes! FOGG: Just a minor setback. - Arggh! - Another minor setback. Alright, this is a major setback. Heeeelp! A flying machine is headed for the Royal Academy of Science. And witnesses swear that it's... (Shouts) No! ..it's Phileas Fogg at the controls. Faster, Passepartout! Faster! FOGG: We're losing altitude! MONIQUE: Landing gear? FOGG: That would've been an excellent idea! The bird men are here! No. I will not lose this wager! He is not to reach the top step! Get the police here now! I want Phileas Fogg arrested the moment his feet touch British soil! (Blows whistle) Oh! Stupid, you're blowing in my ear. Passepartout, get back in your seat! We're going to return to the ground! (All scream) Stop! Kitchener! Hold your ground! - Why are they all fleeing? - (Screams) Coward! (Whimpers fearfully) (Crowd cheers rapturously) (METAL CREAKS) (Crowd cheers) You have to make it to the top step! Ah, New Zealand. We didn't go there. Top step! Arrest them! They robbed the Bank of England! MONIQUE: No, no. Nonsense! Where is your proof? This is the Royal Academy of Science! We don't need to prove anything! Besides which, by the time you get out of jail, you'll have lost the wager. (BELL TOLLS) Noon. We did our best. - FIX: Out me way! - MAN 2: Who's this? For Christ's sake, somebody important! I should've thrown him through a higher window. Get rid of this buffoon! Buffoon, eh? Is that the thanks I get for going halfway around the world to stop Fogg for you, eh?! (Crowd murmurs with consternation) (Shouts) He also sent a Chinese warlord to kill Phileas Fogg! That's right! He did and all! Lies! All of it! (Blows a raspberry) - Kitchener. - Yes? Tell them. Uh...well, yes, uh...well, the thing... I was... LORD KELVIN: You mumbling moron. Salisbury, please translate Kitchener's incoherent blather. I mean, I... Yes! Yes! Rhodes! The thing of it is... I don't want to make a fuss. You spineless cretins! That man stuck me with quills! Bunches of 'em! Yes! Lord Kelvin's a bully! It's true! I hate to admit it, but...I'm a battered lord! (Crowd gasps) Oh, boohoo! So what if I did try to kill Phileas Fogg? What are you gutless peons going to do about it? I hold all the power! I run everything! So which of you halfwits is going to stop me? You? You? You?! The Queen! The Queen?! Oooh! The Queen! That inbred, antiquated old cow. The only way she could stop me is if she sat on me... ..with her big, fat royal bottom! (Laughs) She's behind me, isn't she? Your Majesty, I have just apprehended the culprits who robbed the Bank of England. - No, Majesty, no! - Rubbish! (Crowd shouts objections) Quiet! I love being able to do that. So, Lord Kelvin - unsportsmanlike conduct, attempted murder, trading my arsenal for Buddhas. How do you know about that? I never said... Admit it. You've been a naughty boy, haven't you? ALL: Yes. Your Majesty, I assure you that there is an explanation for all of this. What it was... was...was, I was... ..I...I was simply...simply... Why do they always run? - Arrest him. - Get out of my way! Unhand me! Don't you know who I am? How dare you?! I'll have you, Phileas Fogg! So is this Phileas Fogg's miraculous flying invention? Your Majesty, we all invented it. I'm very impressed. And that doesn't happen often. Thank you. But still, we failed to help Phileas win his bet. I'm sorry, Phileas. Don't be, my cherie. I saw the world, I learnt of new cultures. I flew across an ocean. I wore women's clothing. Made a friend... ..fell in love. Who cares if I lost a wager? I do. I've got 20 quid riding on you. But Your Majesty, it is gone 12 noon. Correct. Which gives you 24 hours remaining. (Whispers) Could we have miscounted? No, I moved Mr Fogg's watch ahead one hour as we passed each time zone. The International Date Line. We set our watches forward at 24 time zones, so...here it's still...Day 79. - So we've...? - We've won! (All whoop and cheer) We won! We won! Thank God! Ah! (Crowd gasps) Your Majesty, I...I apologise. Do forgive me. I quite forgot myself. Go and win your bet, Mr Fogg! I shall need a new Minister of Science. Yes, of course, Your Majesty. Shall we? Go! - We won, Phileas! We won! - Yes! We won! Oh, well done. Yeah! Go ahead. (Shrieks excitedly) - Oooh! - Arggh! (Fix continues shrieking) (All laugh) (All cheer) Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Able 2014