If you want the cops off your back over this, they're gonna need a sacrifice. - And it's me, isn't it? Over and outta here! Whoo-hoo-hoo! - (GRUNTS, COUGHS) - If I ever see you again, we will be taking that walk in the bush. Am I clear on that? - Go with Jethro. Go on. - Charming girl, your daughter. - Pack up the kids, and then get them around here. - Rita, what is going on? - I'm dealing with it. - He threatened to kill you. - Come home, Cheryl. - Not until I know everything has been put right. - The rest when it's done. (MELANCHOLY MUSIC) - Sparky, you're not dead. - How do you know? - Because you're standing here getting dressed and we're talking. - Yeah, what if those are all things I do when I'm dead? - Sparky, there's only one dead person today, and it's not you. - How do you know? - Go outside into the sun, and if you don't burst into flames, then you're not dead. - I'm not a vampire. - Just go. OK? Want a hit? - Pass. - You OK? - Van managed to get food all over his fucking shirt just by walking past the kitchen. Bloody Rita and this bloody circus. - So has Wolf shown up? - No. - And if he does? - I will probably kick him in the balls. - So, will you tell him about us? You know. - I'm thinking not, Eric. That work for you. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd say so. Yep. Take that one to the grave (CHUCKLES) as it were. www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2020 - RITA: Sit down. - I didn't come for a guilt trip, OK? Go get the kids. - Just bloody sit, have some breakfast. - The kids are staying here. - You should do the same. - Look, I get this protective grandparents thing you guys are going for. But Figgs is my problem. I've told you this. Now that I got the cops off our back and tied up all the loose ends from Bianca's fucked-up job, I will deal with it. - Son, I thought we made Frankie's position quite clear to you. - Death threats. Real scared (!) - (THUMPS TABLE) He doesn't fuck around, Wolf. Those guys who jumped me in prison` - Yeah, I'm well aware of that. - The sensible thing to do is to circle the wagons, get everybody here. I'll send Phin round to your place and get your stuff. - Nah. - Where are you going? - The sensible thing is to sort this shit out now. - Wolf! (MOTORCYCLE ENGINE RUMBLES) (ENGINE STOPS) (LOW, SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) - (KNOCKS ON DOOR) - Well, look at this. Like a lamb to the slaughter. - You like sneaking up on people, do ya? - Usually avoid it where I can. You alone? - Yeah. - Brave man. - I thought house calls was how we do things now. Better be careful, though, Frankie. Word gets out you like sneaking into little girls' houses, people start thinking you're a paedo. - I wouldn't have had to talk to her at all if her father was around. - How are your daughters? Spoken to Bianca? She's done a runner, right? So think about it, mate. All the shit that's happened, the drugs in the bikes back then; the drugs in the cars now. Are you seeing the pattern? She's not the saint you think she is, mate. - You just don't get it, do you, mate? Saint or not, she's gone. And Krystle ` fucking ruined... by you, your stupid mates and your fucking family. So anger is all I have left. The way I see it, you've got two choices ` one, you go and kill yourself. I can live with that. - And why would I do something stupid like that? - Two, you go home to that flash house of yours,... carry on with your life. Young man like you, young family ` should be at home. - That's exactly what I'm trying to make happen. - But just know that at some stage, outta nowhere,... there's a bullet with your name on it. And you won't see it coming. - That's your final word on it, is it? - No. (GUN COCKS) My final word is get the fuck off my property. - (EXHALES DEEPLY) - So, how are we feeling today? - I don't know why you keep saying 'we'. There's nothing wrong with you. - Just checking in, love. - I don't need you to check in, Ted. I'm just waiting for the nausea to pass. Don't you have a job on the go? - I do, yeah, but I was thinking maybe I could put it off` - I'm fine, Ted. Just go. (SIGHS HEAVILY) Jesus, kill me now. (EXHALES DEEPLY) - Catch you up later, eh, Ted? Unless you need a hand. - No, no, no, you, uh, finish your breakfast. - Do you want a bacon butty for the road? - Everything all right, Ted? - Yeah, yeah, fine. - Because we can do this later if you want. - Just drive, Bert. - OK, driving. (ENGINE STARTS) - (VOMITS) - Oh, shit, sorry, Rita. - ...the fuck. - I-I was busting for a piss, and I didn't think to knock. - You and every other bastard in this house. - Should really get a lock on this door, eh. - You think so, Phin? (TOILET FLUSHES) Or is that too much to ask? Cos right now, I'm writing a list of all the shit that needs doing around this place. And you know what is number one on that list? - Get a lock on the` - Get a lock on the fucking bathroom door! - So, you must be loving this. Big job. Lots happenin'. - Yep, seem to be coming together OK. - Must feel good. I mean, with Rita at home and the cancer and stuff ` must be a good distraction. - Yeah. What time did you say Falani was turning up again? - (INHALES SHARPLY) About now. (CAR APPROACHES) - Not bad. - She'll suffice, yes? - Bit of a step up from the Mazda Bongo you usually go for. - The Mazda Bongo is still my go-to job vehicle of 1990. As a getaway vehicle, the Bongo is in a class of its own. However, unfortunately, the cops also know this. The Bongo is a victim of its own success. - Yeah, cool story (!) These other vehicles on the list ` how are we going with that? - The flatbed is currently being repainted at my cousin's shop as requested, and the big-ticket item was right behind me. (VEHICLE APPROACHES) - Kia ora. Is this choice or what? - Bert, when did Aroha come on board? - She said you were cool with it. - You fullas need me, and you know it. - Do we? Bert. Do we need her? - Well, if I'm needed inside,... - You are. - ...then someone needs to drive the truck. - Which I nicked, so it's mine. - Her cut comes out of your cut, and if she screws up, it's on you. - She said you were cool with this. - Do I look cool with it? - Not even close to cool. - Oh, I never actually said; I just let you think. And he will be cool with it once he gets used to the idea. - You can't be here. - Why can't I be here? - Because I'm your uncle and I forbid it. - (LAUGHS) You forbid it? - Yeah, I forbid it. And don't get lippy, Aroha. I forbid that too. I should put you back on a bus to the bay. - Ted said I'm on board. - Well, Ted... Ted isn't your uncle. - Mr Bert, I must say, having seen her skills, Aroha is a Jedi when it comes to car and rubbish truck conversion. - I don't care. - Well, you should. Thanks, Falani. You should be thanking me, Uncle Bert. That rubbish truck was the hardest vehicle on your list to score, and I got it done all by myself. So unless you want me to take it back to the depot, I say it buys me a place on the team. - The Force is strong with this one. - Hey. Thought maybe you'd changed your mind. - And I thought while you were talking to Figgs, it might be safe to dash in and grab some clothes. Well done on making it back here alive, by the way. - Figgs is full of it. What you need to do now is empty the car so we can go back to normal. - Normal. I've got no idea what normal is any more, and I'm not fucking thrilled about that. Look, after all this shit recently, maybe Ted and Rita's isn't such a bad place for us. It'll give you a chance to spend some time with your mum. - I'm not going back there, babe. - Fine. - I have to show Figgs I'm not scared of him. - Yeah, you be a big man, Wolf. Leave the family stuff to me. - Our family's the reason I'm doing this! (ENGINE STARTS) (ROCK MUSIC) - Uncle Bert used to be so cool. - Yeah, and now he's just uncool Bert. - You'd think you'd be proud of me, but, nah, he's just like every other man of his generation ` ageism, sexism and fascism. That's what it is. - I feel you. A few years ago, I was forced to be Mr Ted's locksmithing apprentice. Tough times indeed. It wasn't until I got back out with my own posse that I felt my mojo replenish. And speaking of low mojo. - Hey, hey, hey. (EXHALES HEAVILY) - Eric, what are you doing here? - Well, I thought I deserved a pint after the saga that was the last 24 hours. - Shouldn't you be in jail by now? - Oh, not yet, mate. Not yet. She was touch-and-go, though. Whoo-hoo-hoo! 'Full-noise police chase it was. 'We played cat and mouse for hours,...' Yee-ha! '...all over West Auckland.' (SIRENS WAIL) 'It was only fate they managed to catch up with me.' Oh, come on, mate. Well, can I at least finish the pie? Needless to say, some police brutality ensued. No! Please, man, the whole top's come off it! (GROANS) Ended up back in the interrogation room, getting the once over, but I told them nothing. Do what you want. I'm not telling you anything. Beat me with the phone book. I don't care. - Why would we beat you with a phone book? - Isn't that what you do so it doesn't leave a bruise? (BOTH LAUGH SOFTLY) - But if you beat anyone with anything hard enough, it leaves a bruise. - I mean, I'm happy to give it a try if you want. - Eh? No. No, what I want... What I want is... I know my rights, so I want my lawyer. Huh? Get me my lawyer. - So, what happened? - Well, they got me my lawyer. - And then what? - Got bail this morning. Came here ` beer o'clock. (LAUGHS) - That's the kind of shit I wanna do with my life. - You don't want Eric's life. - My version of it. Ours. We're the future, Falani ` you and me. - We are? - We're the new breed. We should stick together. - Cool. Just sticking together some cool. - How long are they staying this time? - I'm not sure I'll live to see the end of it. - READS: Put a lock on the fucking bathroom door. Clean out crap under sink. Is this a 'stuff to do before you die' list? - I hadn't really thought of it that way, but, yeah. S'pose so. - Seen a few of these. - Is it because of the AIDS? - Uh... Yes, Phin. You're going about it all the wrong way. It's supposed to be your deepest desires, not locks on bathroom doors. - A lock on the bathroom door is my deepest desire. - (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Well, you got to think bigger and bolder, but also achievable. No point in planning to climb Mount Everest. What about tango lessons? - Last time I tangoed, I fucked Danny Peters. - Oh, right. Moving along, then. - I bought casserole. - Another one. The freezer's only so big, you know. - Sorry. - Don't apologise. In fact, it's about time we got rid of that bloody dodgy freezer downstairs. - What's this? - Uh, we're helping Rita with her 'before I cark it' list. - It's like a wish list, but at the end, you die. - Oh, Jesus, Carol. - I'm so sorry, Rita. It's just... seeing you confront your own death, it's all so... It makes me so proud. - Carol. You need to get your shit together. - Of course. Yes. But there are a lot of important decisions that need to be made, like funeral music or if you wanna have photo boards. - Carol! This is about fun things Rita can do while she's still alive. - Oh, right. But if you don't put your affairs in order, you only leave chaos behind you. - Carol! List of fun things. - Fun things. Got it. But we can't forget that a funeral will, at some stage, be happening. (POUNDING ON DOOR) - FALANI: Never fear. I'm not someone here to kill you. I bring a box of beers and sympathetic ears. - Beers sound good. (BOTTLES CLINK) - I don't blame you for feeling a little edgy. - Why would I be edgy? - Because you can't stop thinking of Frankie killing you. - He's all talk. - and I would never challenge your Wolf instincts. But even if you are shitting yourself a little, that'd be OK, considering the ultra violence Mr Frankie has dealt out in the post. What? - Is everything all right? - You mean apart from Keith being a rat and the cops investigating us and Frankie wanting to kill you? Yeah, things have never been better. - Buried or cremated? - Don't care. - If you're cremated, we can sprinkle your ashes somewhere special. - (SIGHS) Oh, fuck. Buried, then. - Good. Then we can come visit you. What's this? - It's my list. - What's a Wham! sandwich? - George Michael, Andrew Ridgeley, me in the middle. - Bilkey, for the last time, George and Andrew are not gay. And writing your list is insensitive while we write lists for Rita. - Eric. - Gidday, gidday. Just swinging by to see the Spark-meister. - We're just writing a list for Rita ` all the things she needs to do before she kicks the bucket. - Mm. A bucket list. (CHUCKLES) I should probably write one of those too, before I head off to the slammer. - OK, let's talk assets. - Assets? - What are you gonna do with all your property and valuable possessions after you're gone? - Like the Galleria. Would you be interested in selling? Or are you gonna leave it to Ted? - Sparko! How's it going, mate? - A fuse can only take so much current. - So I've heard. - Yep. The toaster will toast; the blender will blend, but too much current pushes the fuse beyond its limits. Delicate filament melts, burns, then suddenly... (IMITATES EXPLOSION) sparks. - Sparks, what the hell have you taken? And have you got some for me? Cos after today, as I stare at a future behind bars, I have got a serious need to get wasted. - (CHUCKLES) Dope's in the freezer. - Why? - I like the smoke when it's cold. - (LAUGHS) Oh, I love you like a brother, Sparky. - Who are you again? - So, Slutty Pants wants to buy the Galleria. - If you'd like to get it off your hands. - Think you can afford it? - Probably. - You should probably take a day or two to think about it. - Thanks for the offer, Cheryl, but I'm not quite ready to part with it just yet. It's the only place I can sit and have a smoke without any interruptions. - It is quiet, that's for sure. (KNOCK AT DOOR) - CAROL: Oh, look who's here. - Everybody. - What have I done to deserve this visit? - No idea. One minute I'm in the sun bed, then Carol calls and I'm being dragged round here before I can even moisturise. - Thanks, Lefty (!) - What? - I'm so sorry, Rita. I called Ngaire while you were in the loo. It just felt like she should be here in case the conversation turned to, you know... - My funeral. - Well, yes. - For shits' sake, Carol. (SIGHS) All right. Fuck it. Who wants to add something to my stupid list? - Well, if it were up to me, I'd probably take you on a ladies' weekend to Vegas, have some of Bilkey's sandwich. - BILKEY: Plenty to go round. (CHUCKLES) - FALANI: Where do you think Keith is right now? - WOLF: Who cares? - Me kind of. I know he's a rat and doesn't deserve mucho respect, but he was a part of the gang, and now he's gone. And, Sparky, he's a speed freak, and Eric's gonna be somebody's bitch in jail. - It's a whole new era, Falani. - Can you even have a two-person gang? - This is only temporary anyway. Mm. Once we get through this shit with Figgs, we'll come back stronger than ever. - Wise words, Wolf. I've been thinking about the future too. In this future, I settle down and buy a house and have lots of children. I've even been thinking about buying a tow truck. - What's brought this on? - Well, unless this whole day has been a dream, and I don't think it has, I've finally met Mrs Falani. - Bullshit. - It is she. - And you just met her? - And yet I know she's the only woman I will ever want to be with, just like you and Cheryl. - Right. Just remember when you're a father, it's all on. You're never not on duty. - Except for now. - Yeah, not right now. No. - You guys having a shindig? - Not that I know of. - I reckon a night at the Playboy Mansion would be a bit of all right. - Oh, really? Am I coming too? - Oh, of course, love. - I'd hire one of those mechanical buckin' bulls, pop a bit of acid ` best fun ever. - I'd like to have all the children in that song where they don't know what time Christmas is. - Don't you wanna feed the world, Phin? - Oh, I just want them to know what day Christmas is. - (LAUGHTER) - Oh, hi. - Hey, lads. - Lads, pull up a pew. We're working on Rita's exit wish list. - Here. - Playboy Mansion with a buckin' bull. - Yeah, all right. I just wanna buck on a bull. You know? - Phineas, you know it's not actually about the Christmas... - (SCOFFS) What the hell are you playing at, woman? (DOOR SLAMS) - I should probably shoot. - Us too. - I'm so sorry, Rita. I shouldn't have pushed you into this. - Not your fault, Carol. - I'll go and make sure he's OK. (ROCK MUSIC) - Gidday, Cheryl. - You're still here. - Just keeping an eye on Sparky, making sure he doesn't stick his dick in a power socket. - Well, he seems OK right now. - Mm. He's a lightweight at heart. You want a hit? - You know what ` after the last couple of days, I wouldn't mind getting a little out of it. - Hey, that's the story, morning glory. (BOTTLES CLINK) - I know what you're going through, Ted. Really do. - Cheers, mate. - The way the cancer's eating away at Rita's life force. It's just like the time Brian took Carol away from me. - Not sure, it's quite the same thing, Phineas. - Brian was like a tumour that just kept growing and growing ` one who knew karate as well. Anyway, any time you need some space,... This caravan saved my soul when Carol and I split. Well, just as long as you know my door's always open. - Cheers, mate. - Cheers. - You can crash in the spare room if you want. - I'll sleep on the couch with one eye open. - Nothing's going to happen, Falani. - Then I will see nothing happen. - Hey, mate. Congratulations on finding Mrs Falani. - Thanks, Wolf. - I hope she's a keeper. - Oh, she is. She is. - Yeah, but why is Wolf always so pig-headed? - Pride is a powerful drug, Cheryl. - No, don't make it sound more honourable than it is, Eric. He's just being a tosser. You know the thing that pisses me off the most is that after all this crap, I'm the one sitting here worrying about him. - You know, if there is one thing I learnt getting beaten to a pulp by Frankie's mates is that to be the big man doesn't always pay off. - Exactly. That right there. That's the kind of father I need for my kids. - Shit. Thanks, Cheryl. If you ever need anything ` anything at all ` I'm here for you. Always. Except for when I go to prison. - Really? That's lovely. There is something you could do for me tonight, if you're up for it. - You know me, Shazza ` always up for everything. - And so I said to Brian, 'Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, 'and if my kids aren't getting a balanced diet, then you are stealing their futures away from them.' And I don't mind them having the odd Le Snak, cos it's important to eat food from other countries, but Brian's mother is being such a bitch about it. She thinks the food pyramid is a hoax funded by big American cereal companies. And then the other day, Brian sends me a photo of the kids with bright green tongues. And you know what that means, don't you? Fucking K bars. - Carol. - Yes. - You are talking so much shit right now. - Am I? - Which usually means you have something to say and you're not saying it. - I've been thinking about Ted. - OK. - This list you're writing, it doesn't mention him once. - The list is a joke, Carol. - To you maybe, but he's the one who's gotta live life without ya. Anyway, that's what I've been thinking. - (SNORES SOFTLY) (GLASS BOTTLES CLINK) (GASPS) (THUD!) (THUDDING CONTINUES) (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC BUILDS) (CLATTERING) (CLANK!) - (GRUNTS) Ah! Ah! (GROANS) - Eric! - (GROANS) What the fuck did you do that for? - I thought you were an intruder. - (GROANS) Who came in peace. (EXHALES DEEPLY) Jesus wept. - Why didn't you just knock on the door? - Oh, I didn't wanna wake anyone. - What the fuck, man? - (GROANS) I told Cheryl that I'd come round and make sure that everything was OK. - She asked you to come over? - Yes! - CHERYL: What do you reckon? - Well, I could go and see Wolf. Or we could light up and another one of these bad boys and enjoy each other's company. - Please? - Yeah, she was very insistent that I come over and check on you. - And convince me to move back to Mum and Dad's. - Yup, yup, yup. There was something along those lines. (GROANS, EXHALES SHARPLY) (GROANS) Guess I'll just stay here, then. (DOOR SHUTS) - (SIGHS) - RITA: Where did you end up? - Out the back,... getting counselling from Phineas. - I had the same in here from Carol. - (CHUCKLES) - She's worried about you. Reckons that I should pay more attention to your feelings. (SCOFFS) But... you can't` can't run away from this, Ted. You just... have to face the facts ` I... am dying. And there's nothing that you or I can do` - What? You don't think I know that? It's all I think about, Rita. How you won't be here when I come to bed at night or when I wake up in the morning. How the fuck, am I supposed to get used to that? (SHOES THUD) - Well, if all you're worried about is an empty bed... - What? - I'm not asking you to join the priesthood, Ted. You'll find somebody else eventually. You'll have to. - Jesus Christ. - Those hardy West Coast genes of yours, they'll be chugging away for decades. And one day in the future, you'll look back at all of us and realise ` ancient history. - You know, this whole 'go out in a blaze of glory' thing that you got going on, it's just selfish bullshit. Ancient history. We made that. You and I. I don't know what it means without you. - Well, you'll just have to learn. (SOLEMN MUSIC) (ROCK MUSIC) - Starting early, fellas. - ERIC: Rude not to. - Any other disturbances in the night, except for numb-nuts here. - Steady. - Apart from numb-nuts, nada. - Told you there was nothin' to worry about. Figgs isn't gonna do shit. - Oh, nice day to have a pool party, though ` celebrate my freedom while it lasts. (DAVE DOBBYN'S 'LOVE YOU LIKE I SHOULD' PLAYS) (MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYS) - # And I love you like I should. # You can take it for granted. # You can still be very romantic. # When you're sure of the love you have... - Good timing. Put this on, and we'll get you started on the veges. - # ...but then why should it be? - I'm teaching you how to make meatloaf. - Now? - Yes, now. After I'm gone, we can't have you down the fish and chip shop every evening. You'll probably get scurvy. - I know how to handle myself in the kitchen, Rita. - A barbecue is not a kitchen, Ted, and I'm not taking all my best recipes to the grave with me. So, come on. Put your apron on. And if you do it to my satisfaction, there will be rewards. - What kind of rewards? - The very best kind. - # And I love you like I should. # I love you like I should. # I love you like I should. # Don't make a rule you never could. # And I love you like I should. # I love you like I should. - That? - Is that a tin? # I love you like I should. - A tin? - Yes. Well done. - # Don't make a rule you never could. # And I love you like I should. # And the more you open up, # and the more that I learn... - Oh! Having a bit of a cry-up? - # ...to make a moral decision. - (ALL WHOOP) - # And the powers that would be # can't touch the freedom in me. # Cos the power that is # was ours all along. # I love you like I shou` # - (GRUNTS) And Bob's your auntie. - And now we wait. - So, now do I get my reward? MOANS: Oh... Oh... (DOOR OPENS) Oh! Oh. - Ted, are you OK? - Mum, why is Grandma biting Grandpa's thingie? - Has he been naughty? - Oh, for God's sake! Boys, room now. - Mum, do ever bite Dad when he's been naughty? (BOTH LAUGH) - Plate. There we go. - (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - LEFTY: Ah, Ted West cooked a bloody meatloaf. - CAROL: And it looks amazing, Ted. - Yeah, smells good too. - Aromatic. - NGAIRE: Always were a catch, Theodore West. (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - Mum, Van farted! - No, I didn't! - Yes, you did! - Don't lie, or I'll bite you on the cock! - Shut up and sit down. No one is biting anyone. We're having a special meal. - Yummy. - Ted made the apple sauce. He made the apple sauce as well. - Sorry I'm late. - Right on time, Bert. Today, we are celebrating Ted West's emancipation. In just a few short hours, and after a few false starts, Ted has turned himself into a bloke who can cook, which means when I'm six feet under, he can still live a full and happy life. Without getting fish and chips every night and contracting scurvy. - (LAUGHTER) - I lost two teeth to scurvy. Back ones go first. - Cheers for that, Sparky (!) Dig in, everyone. - Right. - Ooh, can I have the... (INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER) (UTENSILS SCRAPE) - It's not bad. - I wonder who will get out first. - What do you mean? - Eric from prison or you from the dog box. - Well, probably me. I'm just saying ` time off for good behaviour, and Cheryl does seem pretty pissed off. - Oh, they all are. I'm a piece of shit, apparently, Like I knew Frankie was gonna to be here. Like I didn't have a hundred other things to be dealing with. - It's been a lot. Still, I feel the universe is poised to throw us a bone. - Speak for yourself, mate. - I was. - Well, you're not the one going to prison, are ya? Or the one with an axe hanging over your head. - For fuck's sakes, Eric. There's no axe. Everything will be fine. - Still going to prison, though. (HELLO SAILOR'S 'CHAINED ALL ROUND') - # Many times that I want you, # you won't come to me. # You're wrecking my cha-cha, oh. # It's the worst place. # I had one more lesson learned # in the honey of the moon. # But you just want me... - Ted West, this is divine. - LEFTY: Not bad at all, Ted. - I've had a few meatloafs in my time. - So have I. - And this is one of the best. - Better than Mammy's. Not quite as good as Carol's. - Thanks, Phineas. - Honestly, Ted, this is so beautiful and moist. You should be on the telly with Des Britton. - Or Hudson and Halls. - Nah, I'm afraid Peter and David have moved to London, but that doesn't take anything away from the excellent meatloaf, Ted. - Seconds? - Yes, please. - Fine cuisine's wasted on the young. - Let me know if you change your mind about selling. - Don't worry, Slutty Pants. I will. - Well, this is quite the transformation, Ted. - Well, you know, this old dog's got a few tricks left in him yet. - I'll say. Lefty can't even boil an egg. - Very funny (!) - I'll give you the recipe if you like, mate. - Nah, she'd never trust me in the kitchen anyway. - Ignore him. He has no idea how attractive kitchen skills are in a man. (LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTER) - Eric, has anyone ever told you you're useless sloth? - Yeah, heaps of times, actually. - I'd get out of the pool if I were you, unless you wanna get wrinkle-dick. - I'm making the most of it while I can. Plus, it's soothing on my aching nuts. Oh, I'm gonna miss this. - The aching nuts? - No. - You laying around while other people clean up your mess? - Hanging out, smoking and drinking and talking about chicks and stuff. I mean, that's what life's about, right? - Whatever you say, mate. - Oh, I just got this warm kind of feeling all over right now ` you know, that kind of feeling? - You better not be pissing in my pool. - I'm not. - Better fucking not be. - Useless sloth. (DARK, DRAMATIC MUSIC) - Rusty Nail for dinner tonight? - Wolf! (DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES) (GUNSHOT) - (GRUNTS) (GUNSHOT) (BOTH GRUNT) (BOTH GRUNT, STRAIN) (LOW, PULSING MUSIC) - What the fuck? - Falani? Falani! Call an ambulance. Call a fucking ambulance! (LAID-BACK ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) - Carol. - Yes? - I've been thinking about what you said... about how Ted's gonna cope when I'm gone. I know it's gonna be tough for him, but I think that there are certain things that could make his life a whole lot better, like having another woman around. - Oh, Rita. That's not something you need to worry about. - No, I'm not worried about it in principle. - You're fine with Ted moving on. - Life is long, Carol. Ted is gonna need another woman, and truth be told, I'm not overly fussed about who that woman is, but I do have limits. And one of those limits is that the woman is not Ngaire. - Ngaire Ngaire? She would never do that. - Oh, please, Carol. She definitely would,... which is where you come in. - Me? - You have to stop her. - Me?! - Think of it as my dying wish. - But how the hell am I gonna stop Ted`? - By making sure that Ted's needs are met. All of his needs. - Oh. (PHONE RINGS) - It shouldn't be too boring for you. He's a great root. - Jesus, Rita. - Ted West. Hey, Bilkey, can you turn that down? (MUSIC STOPS) When? Yeah, we'll be right there. - Was that, Wolf? - No, it was Eric. Apparently, Falani's been shot. - Falani and I were taking out the rubbish. We'd had a few drinks by the pool. Then this bloke walked up, the car parked across the road, and then he opened fire. - How many shots? - Two, I think. And then I knocked him out. - Do you know the gunman? None of this staunch bullshit now. Do you know him? - No. Is there anything else? Cos we kind of need to go to the hospital. - And he didn't say anything before he opened fire? (SIGHS HEAVILY) Had your mate received any death threats before this? - Falani? - Not that I know of. Why? - Why? You think this guy was targeting Falani? - Yeah, I know this prick. Fascist piece of scum not too keen on brown people living in his country. Unless there's a reason he was after one of you two. - Like I said, I've never seen this guy before in my life. - Me neither. - Well, your mate was lucky you were here. - Guess so. Is that all you need? - Yeah. (DOOR OPENS) - Why didn't you tell him about Figgs? - We don't talk to the cops. - He sent that guy. You know that, right? (SOLEMN MUSIC) He'll be all right, right? I mean, he has to be, right? (MACHINES BEEP STEADILY) Falani's one of the toughest guys I know, in his own way. - So, who was it? - The shooter? No idea. - Just random act of violence. - Solomona reckons that he was one of those fascists going after Falani cos he's brown. - Is that so? - Nah. It was me. He was coming after me. (HEADLESS CHICKENS' 'EXPECTING TO FLY') (MUSIC CONTINUES) - # Your happy day is here again. Your happy day is here again. # Your happy day is here again. Your happy day is here again... # - (EXHALES DEEPLY) - She wouldn't do anything stupid, would she? - Mrs Rita doesn't do stupid. She does outrageous and brave. - I am feeling a little... - ...light-headed? Or like you wanna fuck? - You wanna come and see my caravan? - Yes. - Oh! (LAUGHS) - Mum! (GUN COCKS)