For a list of the week's captioned shows, see Teletext pp 321-327. Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. TVNZ Captioning 2009 # Thou shall not fall. # Thou shalt not fall. # Thou shalt not feel. # Thou shalt not feel. # (CARNIVAL MUSIC) (THEY SHOUT) I told you to stay off the boardwalk. (BELL RINGS) OK, boys, let's go. You too ` off the boardwalk. (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) (MUSIC BUILDS) Argh! Argh! # The gentle rain reminds me of the love I can't forget... # BOY'S VOICE: Keep going. WOMAN: Hey, I like that song. Keep goin', Ma. How about this? (RADIO BEING TUNED) # He's a brave soldier out there on his own... # (SQUABBLING) Wait, that's from my era. # Groovin' on a Sunday... # Keep going. OK. Hey, we're almost there. What was that smell? That was the ocean air. It smells like someone died. Guys, you're going to like living in Santa Carla. # People are strange when you're a stranger, # faces look ugly when you're alone. # Women seem wicked when you're unwanted, # streets are uneven when you're down. # When you're strange, faces come out of the rain, # When you're strange, no one remembers your name, # When you're strange, when you're strange, When you're strange! # People are strange when you're a stranger... # Mom! Sam, tell those kids to get something to eat. Any jobs round here? Nothin' legal. # The streets are uneven when you're down. # When you're strange, faces come out of the rain. # When you're strange, no one remembers your name, # When you're strange, when you're strange, when you're strange. # When you're strange, # faces come out of the rain, # when you're strange, # no one remembers your name, # When you're strange, when you're strange, when you're strange. # Come on, Nanook. (BIRDS CHIRP) Dad? Looks like he's dead. No, he's just a deep sleeper. If he's dead, can we go back to Phoenix? Playin' dead. And doin' a damned good job of it. Dad! (DAD CHUCKLES) This is a pretty cool place. Yeah, for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre(!) Give Mom a break. There's no TV. Have you seen one? I haven't seen a TV, Mike. That means no MTV. Sammy, we're flat broke. (NANOOK BARKS) Lucy, you're the only woman I ever knew who didn't improve her situation by getting' divorced. Yeah, I know. But a big legal battle wasn't gonna help. We've been through enough. Anyway, I was raised better than that. Ouch! My hair! Mom, are you gonna help me? Soon. Hey, guys, no running in the house! Talk about the Texas Chainsaw Massacre(!) Rules! We got some rules around here. The second shelf is mine. That's where I keep my root beers and my cookies. Don't touch them. Now, there's another rule here, and I want you to pay attention... Grandpa, is it true Santa Carla is the murder capital of the world? Well, there are some bad elements around. Are you telling me we moved to the murder capital of the world? If all the corpses buried here were to stand up, we'd have a population problem. Great, Dad(!) Now, on Wednesdays, when the TV Guide is delivered, the address label is usually curled. Don't tear it off. You'll end up rippin' the cover. I hate that. And stay out of here. You have a TV? No, I just read the TV Guide. Read that, and you don't need a TV. # Through the grief, # through the lies, # through the storms, # through the cries, # I will still be free! # Still be free! # On a mountain or at sea, # hopin' its waves don't cover me. # Turned and tossed upon the waves, when darkness comes, # will I still believe? # Still believe? # Through the cold, through the heat, # through the rain, through the tears, through the crowds, # I'll still be free! # I'll still be free! # I will climb this hill... # (PEOPLE CHATTER INDISTINCTLY) What's the matter? (DOG GROWLS) Excuse me, this little boy is lost. Do you think his mother might be in here? I don't know. Terry! Oh, I was so worried. Here. Thank you. We're here to watch one thing. Well done. No, thanks. Well, on second thought. I told you not to come in here. Wild kids. Oh, they're just young. We were that age too once. They dress better. I like your generous nature. My name's Max. I'm Lucy. This is my dog, Thorn. Hi, Thorn. How may I help? We've got the best selection of videos in Santa Carla. I don't want a tape. No, what I need is a... A job? Uh-huh, a job. I look that needy? Where are we goin'? Nowhere. So what's the rush? You're chasin' that girl, aren't you? I'm at the mercy of your sex glands. Sam, don't you have anything better to do than follow me around? Yeah, actually I do. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) (SNORING) Got a problem, guys? Just scopin' your civilian wardrobe. Pretty cool, huh? For a fashion victim. The Diet Frozen Yoghurt Bar closed last year. You got a Batman Number 14? That's serious. Only five in existence. Four. I want the other three. Look, you can't put the Superman Number 77s with the 200s. They haven't found red kryptonite yet. And you can't put the 98s with the 300s. Where are you from, Krypton? Phoenix, actually. But, lucky me, we moved... here(!) (GENERAL UPROAR) Here, take this. I don't like horror comics. You'll like this one. It could save your life. Hey! Come back here! (PEOPLE YELL INDISTINCTLY) Come on, she's fooled you. (GIRL LAUGHS) (CHAINS CLINK) What was that? I thought I heard something. (SCREAMS) How do you like that baby, huh? It's a beauty. Let's get in. Can I drive on the way back? Nobody drives this baby but ME. (CAR ENGINE STARTS) Gotta let it warm up a little. Hear that, Sam? It's just like a baby pussycat. OK, let's go to town! (HE SWITCHES OFF THE ENGINE) Good fun, huh? I thought we were goin' to town. That's as close to town as I like to get. Weird. (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) Notice anything unusual about Santa Carla yet? No, it's cool... if you're a Martian. Or a vampire. You guys sniffin' old newsprint? You think you know what's goin' on? You don't know shit. You think we just work in a comic-book store. I thought it was a bakery(!) This is our cover. We're dedicated to a higher purpose. We're fighters for truth, justice, and the American way. Right(!) Hey man, read this. I told you, I don't like horror comics. Think of it as a survival manual. Our number's on the back. And pray you never need to call us. I'll pray... I never need to call you. Sure. It's great, definitely. Enjoy it. Thanks. It won't hurt. It won't. It's a rip-off. Hi. If you want your ear pierced, I'll do it. What's your name? Star. Your folks too? What? Ex-hippies. I came THIS close to being called Moonbeam or Moonchild. But 'Star' is great. I'm Michael. I like 'Michael'. D'you wanna get something to eat? OK. Where are you goin'? For a ride. This is Michael. Let's go. Star! D'you know where Hudson's Bluff is? I can't beat your bike. You don't have to beat me. Just try and keep up. Let's go for a ride! (THEY WHOOP AND YELL) (LAUGHS) (MOTORBIKES BUZZ) (EERIE MUSIC) Come on! Come on, Michael! What the hell are you doin'? Just YOU! Come on, just YOU! Just you. How far are you willing to go? (WHOOPING AND YELLING) < Get the rock box, bud! Not bad, huh? This was the hottest resort in Santa Carla about 85 years ago. Too bad they built it on the fault. In 1906, when the big one hit San Francisco, the ground opened up and this place took a header right into the crack. So now it's ours. So check it out, Mikey (!) Marko, food! That's what I love about this place. You ask,... and then you get. Thank you. Yeah! Appetiser? You'll like it here, Michael. 10 o'clock. Lights out. Did you brush your teeth? Uh-huh. Mom! Oh, sorry. I can never sleep with the closet door open either, not even a crack. You know, I think that one of the reasons I divorced your father was because he never believed in the Closet Monster. (LAUGHS) Dad, you shouldn't sneak up on people like that. I brought you something to dress up your room with. Thanks, Grandpa. Dad, you shouldn't have. Lots more where HE came from. 'Night, Sam. Good night, Grandpa. Lights out. As soon as I've finished this comic, OK? OK. Good night. You're history, buddy. Feeding time! Come and get it, boys! Chinese? Good choice. Over here, bud. Guests first. Uh-uh. You don't like rice? Michael, how could a billion Chinese people be wrong? Come on. How are those maggots? Huh? Michael, you're eating maggots. How do they taste? Leave him alone. Sorry about that. No hard feelings, huh? No. Why don't you try some noodles? They're worms. They're not worms. Don't eat...! They're only noodles, Michael. That's enough! (WHISPERS) (CHOPSTICKS RATTLE) Drink some of this, Michael. Be one of us. Michael! Michael! Don't. You don't have to, Michael. Michael. Michael! Michael! It's blood. Yeah, sure. Blood(!) Bravo! Bravo! (THEY ALL CHEER) Give me a ride, Marko. Michael! Michael! Michael! Let the good times roll! # THOU SHALT NOT FALL # # Thou shall not fall. # Thou shall not die. # Thou shall not hear. # Thou shall not fear... # Michael. It's perfect timing. What's goin' on? Michael wants to know what's goin' on. Marko! What's going on? What's going on, Paul? Michael wants to know. I think we should let Michael know what's going on. Yeah. Marko. Good night, Michael. Bombs away! Bottoms up, man! Woo! Come with us, Michael. (THEY WHOOP AND YELL) Hey, Michael! Michael Emerson,... come on down! Come on, Michael! Welcome aboard, Michael! Fun, huh (?) (TRAIN HORN SOUNDS) Hold on! Jesus! Jesus Christ! Don't be scared, Michael! Michael, you're one of us! Let go! On to what? You are one of us, Michael! David! (PANTS) (EERIE MUSIC) (SCREAMS) (SCREAMS) Mike, wake up! It's Mom. Mom's home? No, on the phone, Mike. What time is it? It's 2 o'clock. Give me my sunglasses. You need sunglasses to talk on the phone? Are you free-basing? Enquiring minds want to know. Hello? 'Michael, are you still in bed?' No, I'm up. Max asked me out to dinner tonight. Would you stay home with Sam? Sam'll be OK. I don't need a babysitter. Michael, you're out all night. 'I work all day. Sam's alone.' It's been a long time since anyone asked me out. 'I'd like to go. OK?' OK, Mom. Thanks, honey, it's a real favour. Bye-bye. Anything round here that might pass for an aftershave? How about some Windex, Grandpa? I'll try it. Yeah. Got a big date tonight, Grandpa? I'm just gonna drop by some of my handiwork to the widow Johnson. What did you stuff? Mr Johnson? I'll see you guys later. That wasn't funny, Mike! (HORN PLAYS 'LA CUCARACHA') I'm gonna make you a sandwich. Don't bother. Lose the earring. It's not YOU. Piss off. You've been watching too much Dynasty. (MOTORBIKE ENGINES ROAR) Who the hell is...? (WHOOPING AND YELLING) Michael... Michael... Michael... (LAUGHTER) Michael... No, Mike! Mike, don't open the door! Mike, no! (SILENCE) What's going on, Mike? Go take your bath. (GLASS CLINKS) (GROANS) RADIO PLAYS: # I ain't got no home, # no place to roam. # I'm a lonely boy, I ain't got a home. # I've got a voice... # # Woo-ooh-woo-ooh-ooh, Woo-ooh-ooh-ooh... # (HEAVY BREATHING) # Woo-ooh-ooh-ooh-woo-ooh. # I ain't got a man, I ain't got a son. # I ain't got a daughter, # I ain't got no one. # I'm a lonely girl, # I ain't got no one! # (SNARLING) Mike? Michael, are you there? Nanook! Michael? Mike, what happened? Nanook. What did you do to my dog, asshole? Nothing. He bit me. It's my blood. Why did he bite you? What did you do to him? He was protecting you. Look at your reflection. You're a creature of the night, a goddamned shit-sucking vampire! You just wait till Mom finds out! Sam, wait! Just keep back! Sam! Get away from me, Mike! (HAMMERS ON THE DOOR) Open the door, Sammy! Sam, open the door! (BREATHES HEAVILY) Does your brother sleep a lot? All day. 'Does sunlight freak him?' He wears sunglasses in the house. 'Bad breath? Long fingernails?' Yeah, but he always had bad breath. He's a vampire all right. 'Here's what you do...' Get a sharp stake and drive it through his heart. I can't do that! He's my brother! 'We'll come and do it.' No! You'd better get yourself a garlic T-shirt, buddy, or it's your funeral. (PANTS) (GRUNTS) (TELEPHONE RINGS) Hello? Sam, is everything OK? Mom, we need to talk. Help! 'Sam, what's that noise? Is that Michael?' Argh! 'Why is he screaming like that?' Stay calm. 'Calm about what?' Oh,... nothing. 'Who's making that noise?' I can't talk about it on the phone. It's about Michael... Don't listen to him, Mom! Mom, HELP! Oh my God. He's gonna kill me! Honey, I'm coming! 'Mom! MOM!' Open up! Stay back! Sam, help me. Open up! Open the window. You're a vampire! I am not. So what are you, the flying nun? I'm your brother! Sammy, open up! Please... Please! Thank you, Sam. We've got to stick together, Sam, we've got to. What about Mom? Don't tell her anything. I dunno. It's not like getting a 'D' in school or anything. We're gonna work this out. Trust me, OK? OK. Sam! Sam! Sam, are you all right? I'm OK. I was reading a horror comic and I thought I saw someone. I got a little carried away. By a comic?! It was a scary comic. I'm sorry. You know, I've just about had it with the both of you! Do you know that? What is this mess? You spill milk and you don't even try and clean it up. It wasn't me. And the refrigerator door's open! It's not fair. I would like a personal life, too. Where's Michael? He went to bed. (HORN SOUNDS 'LA CUCARACHA') (CRICKETS CHIRP) Mom. Mm? Can I sleep in here? Are you sure you're OK? I'm fine. It was a real scary comic. OK. Have you been eating pizza? No. Why? You smell of garlic. (CRICKETS CHIRP) (FAINT WHIMPERING AND GROWLING) Who's there? Hello, Thorn. Is that you making all that noise? (MOTORBIKES REV AND PEOPLE YELL) Star! Star! I'm over here, Michael. What's happening to me? Michael... What's happening to me, Star? Oh, Michael. Michael, I can't tell you. I don't know how to help you. What's happening? # The last fire will rise behind those eyes. # Black house will rock. # Blind boys don't lie. # In mortal fear, # that voice so clear. # Through broken walls, that scream, I hear. # Cry, little sister. # Thou shall not fall. # Come to your brother. Thou shall not cry. # Unchain me, sister. Thou shall not fear. # Love is with your brother. Thou shall not weep... # (EERIE CRIES AND YELLS) (EERIE MUSIC) (MUSIC CONTINUE) Hi. Hey, aren't we friends any more? Sure. 'Sure.' Does that mean we are or we aren't? We are. Then let's act like friends. Let's talk. Michael, take off your glasses. Michael, look at me. If there's a girl... I'm tired. We could talk about anything. I'm dealing with serious things. Things I wouldn't understand? Looks like I wasn't the only one who got lucky last night, eh? Did you sort everything, Michael? What's the wine for? My apology to Max for running out on him last night. YOU should really be making it, not ME. I'd better take this up to the house. OK, I'll be here. Hi, Thorn. Sam! Sam! Sam! Mom! Argh! Oh my God! Honey, get in the car! It was like the Hounds of Hell. There's been vampire activity in this town for a long time. It's a haven for the undead. We're sure City Hall is full of ghouls and werewolves. Kill your brother. You'll feel better. It says here that if you kill the head vampire, all half-vampires will return to normal. If Mike's a vampire, he's only half. Does your brother know who the head vampire is? No. Then kill him... or WE will. This all started when my Mom went to work in Max's video store. He never comes in till it's dark. The dog who chased my Mom was his. And listen. 'Vampires need a guard to watch over them as they sleep. 'Fierce dogs are often used.' No shit (!) My Mom might be dating the head vampire. You guys could nail him. Truth, justice and the American way triumphs... thanks to you. Truth, justice and the American way triumphs... thanks to you. We'll check out Max. (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) Sam... (SAM LOCKS HIS DOOR) Hey, smells good. When do we eat? I told Max 8 o'clock. Not company again! Again? You haven't had company since Mom died 8 years ago. Right. Now we're gonna have company again.. Michael, I'd like you to meet Max. I can't. I have plans. Things are gonna change once school starts. Hey,... you must be Michael, right? And you must be Max. Right. Well, you're the man of the house, are you gonna invite me in? You're invited. Thanks very much. Hello. Hi. I didn't hear you come in. Is it OK for the guest to see the food before the dinner? You're thinking of the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding. Apologies from Thorn. Oh, that's OK. Apologies from Thorn. Oh, that's OK. He'll behave if you come back. Oh, well, that's... sweet... < Mom. These are my dinner guests, Edgar and Alan, the Frog brothers. You've got guests? If we're in your way, we can go to the kitchen... No, it's OK. Max, this is Sam, and Edgar and Alan Frog. Lucy, this looks terrific. Well, I hope it tastes good. Boy, somebody around here has bad breath. Nanook, quit breathing on me. Nanook, get upstairs, go on Some Parmesan cheese? Thanks. Sam grated the cheese himself. A budding chef in the family. Are you all right? It's not cheese, it's garlic. I bet you hate garlic! No, I like garlic. It's too much. Garlic? How did that happen? (He likes garlic.) Quick, drink some water! Sam! Does it burn? Burn? Are you nuts? It's freezing. Look at your suit, Max. I'm sorry. Now what? Must be a power failure. He's not glowing. Hit the lights. Argh! Sam, what has got into you? I think I know what's going on. You do? I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong. I am? Yeah. I'm not trying to replace your father or steal your mother. Good night, Lucy. Thanks a lot (!) Sorry, Mom. Major mistake. Our batting average isn't too good. I don't know what got into him. He's not like that. Kids Sam's age need discipline or they run over you. Oh, he doesn't. A protecting mother. Listen, let's try it once more. Dinner at my house tomorrow night. I'm cooking. OK. Bye. Where is she? Take it easy, Michael. Where's Star, David? If you ever want to see Star again, you'd better come with us now. (RAP MUSIC PLAYS) (LAUGHS) Michael, over here! You don't wanna miss this. (LAUGHS) Initiation's over, Michael. Time to join the club. (LAUGHTER) Hi, Michael. (SCREAMS) Michael! Michael! No! (EERIE MUSIC) So,... now you know what WE are. And now you know what YOU are. You'll never grow old, Michael, and you'll never die. But you must feed. (THEY ALL LAUGH) (CREAK!) Argh! I wish Grandpa would stop giving me these stupid things. Argh! It's OK. I know who I am now. Don't kill me, Mike. I'm basically a good kid. Sam... I can help you. Tell me who the head vampire is. It's not Max. Just work with me and it'll be OK. < Michael! Michael! It's that girl. Is she one of them? I have to talk to you! Shut your window. Lock your door. She's one of them! And don't tell me it doesn't make her a bad person. You know where David took me. Who's David? Yes, it's my fault. If I hadn't liked you... I tried to warn you. It was that night in the cave. That was blood I drank. That was David's blood. You drank blood. Are you crazy? I'm just like David now. No, not until you... Until you make your first kill. Why didn't you kill me last night? You were supposed to be my first. It's what David wanted. But I couldn't, Michael. Why? Because you care so much about me (?) Yes, I do. What do you want from me? I wanted to tell you that it's not too late for you. But for me, it gets harder and harder to resist. I'm weak. Why did you come here tonight? I want you to help Laddie and me. Star! Don't kill anybody just yet! What are you doing? I've got connections. OK, where's Nosferatu? Who? The bloodsucker. El Vampiro. Mike, they're here! (CAR TYRES SCREECH) Grandpa! Is it OK if we borrow your car? (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS) Weapons check! I don't want you goin' down there. I'm goin'. These guys are killers. So are the Frog brothers. Check ME. It's them or me. I'm too weak to protect you. I'LL protect YOU. Even though you're a vampire, you're still my brother. Listen, if you vamp-out in any way, I'll stake you without a thought! Chill out, Edgar. Yeah. Come on. Where did you meet these guys? Holy shit! A vampire hotel! Here's one. Let's stake her! Stay away from her! Vampires have such rotten tempers. Star. Let's find the others! Star. I'm taking you away. Take Laddie first. I feel a draft. I think there's something up here. Come on, Sam! Let's go! I'll be right back, Mike! I hope. Come on, Sam, let'sgo! Move, Al, move! Yeuch, flies! We're on the right trail. Flies like the undead. (PANTS) What's that smell? Vampires, my friend. Vampires. Come on! It's freezing in here. It's a dead-end. Let's head back. The coffins must be hidden. Let's go, guys. Jesus! Argh! Why aren't they in coffins? This cave is one giant coffin. They're at their most vulnerable. Just kill the leader. We don't know who it is. We'll kill them all. Yeah, first come, first staked. What was that, vampire humour (?) It wasn't funny. Oh my God. No, don't! Good night, bloodsucker! No! (THEY ALL SCREAM AND ROAR) You're dead meat! Let's get out of here! (ROARS) Let's get out of here! Move it! Let's go! You're mine! (ROARS) Get him into the light! Get him into the sunlight! (SCREAMS) (SCREAMS) Tonight. Mike, start the car! Mike! Mike! Start the car! Mike! We blew it, man. We unravelled in the face of the enemy! It's not our fault. I'll drive. We don't ride with vampires. Fine. Stay here. We do now. Burn rubber! Argh! Christ! 'Burn rubber' does not mean 'Warp speed'! (NANOOK BARKS) Cool it. He smells a flesh-eater. Take him outside. Come on, Nanook. Michael! You know the rule about filling up the car with gas when you take it without askin'? No. Well, now you do. We blew Plan A. We've got two and a half hours to think of Plan B. Why? That's sundown. They'll come for us. Mom! Sam, what are you doing? Mom, Santa Carla is crawling with vampires. Mom, I'm serious. Edgar staked one of them. There's evidence on my sweater. Mom, you've gotta tell someone. This isn't funny. I'm not kidding. Stop it! Just stop it. Mom... I'm going to see Max tonight and you want to ruin it for me. I don't. Max is perfectly OK. To hell with Max! I'll deal with you later. Mom... No! We're on our own. That's how we like it. (WATER TRICKLES) Grandpa, the widow Johnson called. She said to pick her up at 7. We got a date tonight? I guess so. Well, I'd better get cleaned up, huh? Let's go! Come on! Die, Mr Vampire! Come on! I'm goin' as fast as I can. They'll be coming for Laddie and me, won't they? They'll be coming for all of us. Wake up. (SCREAMING) (EERIE MUSIC) (SCREAMS) (EERIE MUSIC) Oh, it's delicious. Thank you. Oh! Thorn, stop that. Ohh... What's the matter? Just old memories coming back. Why are you so jumpy? It's something Sam said when he came by the store. It's just his imagination... But he seemed so sincere. Oh, it's insane. Tell me. I won't laugh... much. When a vampire bites it, it's never a pretty sight. No two bloodsuckers go out the same way. Some explode, some implode, but all will try to take you with them. (WHIMPERS) Nanook's outside! Don't go out. Stop him! Sam! Sam, come back! Sam! Nanook! Michael, no! Michael! Mike! Hurry! Michael, they're coming! Hurry up! Hurry up, man! Get up, Mike! They're coming! Take them upstairs. Come on, move it! Let's terminate them! Laddie, run! You're mine! You killed Marko! You're next! No, YOU'RE next! Garlic don't work, boys! Try holy water, dead-breath! (SCREAMS) Oh my God! Oh my God! (SCREAMING) Argh! Mike. Mike. Mike, wake up. (SCREAMS) You missed, sucker. Only once, pal. (STEREO STARTS PLAYING ROCK MUSIC) (SILENCE) Death by stereo. What the hell...? Come on! (LAUGHS) Argh! Hey, it's ME! Are you OK? I nailed one of them downstairs with a bow and arrow. We trashed one of them. We annihilated his ass. Nanook helped a little. < Death to all vampires. Maximum body-count. We're awesome monster-bashers. The meanest. The baddest. Argh! Argh! Holy shit, it's Eddie Munster! Stop! Leave him. He's just a little boy! (CREAKING) Are you afraid to face me, David? Huh? David. I tried to make you immortal. You tried to make me a killer! You ARE a killer. (LAUGHS) My turn. Stop fighting me, Michael. I don't want to kill you. Join us. Never! Too late. My blood's in your veins. So is mine! (SCREAMS) # Thou shall not fall. # Thou shall not die. # Thou shall not hear. # Thou shall not kill. # Michael! Mike! Don't let them see me like this. Michael! Yeah! Get away, Sam. What's wrong? Get away! You've killed the head vampire. Nothing's changed. He's right. Then there's still one more. Sam! Michael! I'll handle Mom. Don't let her see the bodies. Sam! Mom. What the hell's going on? What happened? We need to talk. What happened to your face? It's nothing. A little fight... I want to talk to Michael. I'm sorry, Lucy. This is all my fault. David and my boys misbehaved. But I told you, boys need a mother. Max, what are you talking about? I knew it, you're the head vampire! Sam, don't start this again! You're the secret David had. Who's this? But you passed the test. If you invite a vampire into your house it renders you powerless. Did you know that? Of course. What's the matter with all of you? It was YOU I was after, Lucy. What?! I knew that if I could get Sam and Michael into the family, you wouldn't say 'No'. Where's Michael? It was all going to be so perfect, Lucy... just like one big, happy family. YOUR boys... and MY boys. The bloodsucking Brady Bunch (!) But I still want you, Lucy. Argh! I haven't changed my mind. I didn't invite you this time, Max. Michael! Michael! Don't you touch my mother! Sam! Sam. Don't fight, Lucy. It's so much better if you don't. Mom! Don't do it, Mom! Don't! Sam... Mom, no! No! No! (HORN OUTSIDE: 'LA CUCARACHA') (BOOM!) (COUGHING) Are you OK? Yeah. Man, we kicked their ass! It's over. Star! Star! Laddie! Is everybody OK? Oh, Michael... Oh, Michael. Oh, my sons. What should we charge them for this? Dad! Dad? Dad, are you all right? One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach... All the damn vampires. # People are strange when you're a stranger. # Faces look ugly when you're alone. # Women seem wicked when you're unwanted. # Streets are uneven when you're down. # When you're strange, faces come out of the rain. # When you're strange, no one remembers your name. # When you're strange, when you're strange, when you're strange. # When you're strange, faces come out of the rain. # When you're strange, No one remembers your name, # when you're strange, When you're strange. # For a list of the week's captioned shows, see Teletext pp 321-327. Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. TVNZ Captioning 2009