(Theme music plays) Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Able 2021 (applause) Hello and welcome to The Big Fat Quiz of Everything! This show is like a huge selection box. Once you dive in, you'll realize someone's eaten all the nice ones. (laughing) We were able to film the show this evening because we're using strict Covid guidelines. And also because this lot would rather die than not be on TV. (laughing) Let's meet the teams. One's a blonde with a big mouth. The other's got a big mouth and is blonde. It's Boris Johnson's love children, Rob Beckett and Roisin Conaty! (laughing) (applause) Next up, two comedy friends who I like to call 'Woko' and 'Joko'. It's Nish Kumar and Katherine Ryan! (applause) He puts the ha-ha into her cha-cha which is, I think, how the Strictly curse started. It's Rob Brydon and Oti Mabuse! (applause) This is The Big Fat Quiz of Everything. It covers every topic, so it's like being back at school for the evening. What were you like at school? Rob? Uh, I fell short. (laughing) -Because of your... -Height. Yes. I've got a picture of you at school, just to remind you. You were, it seems, middle-aged at school. Oh my god! Look at that! It was the late 70s, so I've got the shirt, it's open. The tie is a big fat knot. I'm looking good! (laughing) Oti, I think I've got a shot at you at school. Oh! Where did you guys get these photos? This was literally our school uniform. -Capital Park Primary School. -It's lovely. Sorry, I'm getting a bit edgy. I'm getting PTSD from when I used to visit my uncle in prison. With all these screens, it's tough to... Don't do what I did, Rob! (laughing) Stay clean! -Will you be out for Christmas? -Probably not! (laughing) Are you gonna try and smuggle something to each other through this? Will it fit in my bum? If you're good. Nish, what were you like at school? Were you studious? I was excellent, Jimmy! -I imagine you were. -Yeah, great grades! Very late loss of virginity. (laughing) Voted most likely to end up with a porn moustache. -Here's a picture of you as a child. -What?! Oh, come on! -All I can tell you there is, if you measure the distance from the eyebrow to the top of the head, that is a remarkable achievement there! I look like the Fresh Prince of East Croydon! The hair is very high. OK, I'm not sure if people will be aware of this, but Katherine Ryan was born in the 1930s. (laughing) Talk me through what the hell is going on there! Obviously, my grandma put me in beauty pageants and she did all my styling. And I think she did my aesthetic in her own image. -She put you in beauty pageants? -Yes! I mean, no offense but she's optimistic, isn't she? (laughing) I've got interchangeable photos of Roisin and Rob. I mean, the teeth give it away but that's it. Oh my goodness! They used to call me 'Tombstone Teeth'. Look at them! Have they been stretched out in Photoshop? (laughing) -That's the real deal. -They look like they never end! They look like they're coming out of both ends! (laughing) Not everyone looked silly in their school photos. Some looked very handsome when they were young. (laughing) You look like the boy next door to the house where all the animals keep going missing. (laughing) You know, you look like trouble. Really adorable, though. -Adorable trouble. -Just your type. OK. Have you got team names? Rob? Roisin? -You've got a team name? -Yeah. Tits and Teeth. (laughing) "Tits and Teeth"? -Yeah, I'm the tits. -I'm teeth. (laughing) You sound like an adorable crime duo. We are! Get me out of here! We get stuff done! Nish? Katherine? Have you got a team name? We've been workshopping it a little bit. And what did you settle on in the end? We wanna call ourselves 'All Killer, Some Filler'. (laughing) Rob? Oti? Have you got a team name? Well, before we come on to that. Um, can I just say that I'm feeling very much as though I'm Oti's grandfather. I've come to pick her up from the school disco and I'm worried about the crowd that she's fallen in with. (laughing) That really feels like an accurate vibe. -This is... -Yeah, yeah. We have come up with a name and it's just a cunning wordplay. We're going for 'Robot'. -Robot? -Yeah, Robot. Rob - Robe. Oti - Ot. Robot. Surely, 'Roboti' would make sense? I think... With the greatest of respect, Rob Beckett I didn't jump in, at any point, when you were shouting about your tits and your teeth! We are 'Robot'. OK, let's go on with the quiz. Our first round is all about history. A round that encompasses everything that's ever happened ever. This could take a while! (laughing) In 1936, Edward VIII abdicated from the throne. It was the royal scandal of the century! The only way it could've been worse is if he tried to cover it up by claiming he couldn't sweat. (laughing) William Wallace lead the Scottish resistance in the War of Independence. After his trial, he was stripped naked, dragged through the streets by a horse, hung, cut down whilst still alive, castrated, disembowelled, had his guts burned in front of him, then beheaded, quartered and had his head dipped in tar and stuck on a pike. His final words were: "I get it! You're upset!" (laughing) Right, let's get started. I've got some history questions for you. Question number one. Take a look at these men. They went by the nicknames: The Weasel, Napoleon, Chaz, Buster and Big Jim. But what unites them all? I genuinely think I look a little bit like Big Jim. That's just me with my old hairline. (laughing) I'm aware that Rob and Roisin might not be able to answer because they're not grasses. (laughing) OK, next we have a question from Paloma Faith. Over to you, Paloma. (Paloma) Hi, Jimmy! My new album is called Infinite Things, and has songs called Supernatural and Monster. But it's another type of infinite being that I wanted to ask you about: Gods and Goddesses. The ancient Greeks and Romans had loads of them representing all sorts of things, but can your teams tell me the Greek or Roman names for the following: The Ruler of the Underworld? The King of the Gods? And the Goddess of Love? (kissing) OK, that was Sharon from Eastenders in the 80s. (laughing) -Hey, Jimmy? -Yeah? We know all of these answers. (Clicks) Rob Brydon knows all of these answers! -No, the team! -Had you... Sorry, Robot. -There are two of us together. -I've just done the robot! (Robotic voice) The team! (laughing) -That's your robot dance? -That is my robot dance! -I thought you would do the robot a bit better than that, somehow! -No! It's a shit dance! It's a shit dance? Question number three. The Victorians had a wide range of slang. All I want to know is what the following meant? Who would I be talking about if I said 'mutton shunter'? 'Mutton shunter'. What's a 'mutton shunter'? What would I be talking about if I mentioned a 'bag o' mystery'? What body part would I be talking about if I talked about my 'sauce box'? (laughing) So what's a 'mutton shunter'? A 'bag o' mystery'? And a 'sauce box'? Of course, it wouldn't be the Big Fat Quiz if we didn't have an appearance from the children of Mitchell Brook Primary School performing one of their unconventional school plays. Take a look! Oh no! It's gone! Police! It's been stolen! Do you know who stole it? No, but we must get it back! Pssst! Who are you? I want lots of money to get it back! -I've been held to ransom! -Oh, no! Woof woof! What is it, doggy? What do you have there? -Woof woof! -You found it?! He's such a good doggy! You're a clever doggy! -Who's a good boy? -Woof woof! The case is closed! (cheering) (applause) I tell you what's weird. We've been doing the Big Fat Quiz of the Year for about 15 years and those kids haven't got any older! (laughing) OK, so they were clearly acting out the theft and recovery of the World Cup in 1966. Was that not the question? No, the question is: What was the name of the dog that found the World Cup? (groaning) Did she say?! No, she didn't say! It's a really famous dog. In other news, I've come up with another name that I think is more in keeping... I haven't told Oti. 'Self-Mabuse'. (laughing) Self-abuse. Self-Mabuse. -Self-Mabuse? -OK, forget it. I just thought it was a little more edgy. I thought it might be... (laughing) So, what was the name of the dog that found the World Cup in 1966? Sugar Tits. (laughing) Stop calling me Sugar Tits and try and get the answer! I'm gonna call you Good Boy! Good Boy, the dog's called Sugar Tits. (laughing) Ros! Stop it! Take a look at this clip of Edith Russell, an American journalist speaking in 1970. All I want to know is, what is she talking about? (Edith) It was a very slight bump. Just a little jar, nothing at all. I went in my room. There was a second light jar. Nothing of consequence. But you knew something had happened. I don't doubt that they were playing music. Other people heard it. I said, "Jump?! With this thing I've got on?!" What do you think I am? An acrobat or a monkey or something?" We picked up the bits of ice and most of us played snowballs. So, that was Katherine Ryan there without make-up! (laughing) But what was she talking about? That was in 1970. What was she talking about? You got this, Oti? -I think we do. -Oh, we've got this. We're all over this. It's Team Robot for a reason. We're ready. -Team Robot! -It's a game! (laughing) OK, right. Time for our first set of answers. Question number one. I showed you the pictures and I said: "What connected The Weasel, Napoleon, Chaz, Buster and Big Jim?" What did you all put? I knew that it was a crime and then Nish elaborated with The Great Train Robbery. Great Train Robbery is the right answer. 7They were the guys who did the Great Train Robbery. (applause) What did you put, Rob? Oti? Yes! We put 'white-collar criminals', which is technically true if you look at the photograph. Oh yeah! I mean, you're not getting that. because they've got... I mean, they're not white-collar criminals. Well, Jimmy, let's be pedantic. Please. (laughing) Do you wanna have a little look at what the general public thought of the Great Train robbers? Take a look at this when they were on the run. (interviewer) In an escape like this, whose side are you instinctively on? The escaped man or the police? On the escaped man, I think. Um, I like to encourage the police, but I think the escaped... I like him to have a good run for his money! (laughing) I think if I saw him in the street, I should be very tempted to go to the police straight away because that would give me a chance of personal glory. (laughing) I think that it's dreadful. I think thieves ought to get what's coming to them. Besides, I'm a policeman's wife! (laughing) Paloma Faith asked you to name two gods and a goddess. The Greek or Roman names would be fine. So, uh, what have you got? This is quite easy, if you don't mind me saying. OK, Rob? Oti? What did you get? What do we think, Oti? We said Hades, Zeus and Venus. Yeah. It was quite easy. And then you get a fist bump like you're in prison. Katherine Ryan, let me tell you, smashed this out at such speed. I'm beginning to think she is an ancient Greek. It was unbelievable. She's been around a while. She's certainly older than you think! But maybe not ancient Greek. Rob and Roisin. You've written 'Sugababes'. (laughing) You don't get any points for that. I can only apologize. OK, alright. Third question. I asked you for Victorian slang. So I asked you, what was a 'mutton shunter'? What did you think? Rob? Oti? I think we've put 'shepherd' for that. Ooo! That's a good idea! That's a good answer! -Is it a right answer? -No! Well, then it's not very good, is it? Did you get 'mutton shunter'? Sheep shagger. (laughing) It's another good answer. Basically the same as a shepherd though, isn't it really? (laughing) Why would you keep that many? (laughing) There's a bunch of people who admit to shagging sheep. I have a friend who did a travel show and you speak to them, and they're very happily` Like, "Who in the room has shagged sheep?" They put their hands up. It's what they do. I'd go flamingo over sheep. (laughing) -'Cos it's the sexiest animal. -Flamingo?! Flamingos are sexy, aren't they? -Sexy?! -I don't want to! It's not like on a Tinder, like, criteria! I just think it'd be a bit unsteady on one foot. I think you'd lose purchase. The danger! (laughing) They smell! (laughing) -Flamingos smell! -I'd give it a wash first! (laughing) We're just taking a brief break while we discuss what animal we would fuck. (laughing) We'll be right back after these messages. Have you asked for our answer? -Sorry, what was your answer? -We have no idea. Perineum. (laughing) -Perineum, you've put? -Yes. OK. So, Victorian slang words. A 'mutton shunter' was a policeman because part of their job was to move along prostitutes, who were known as muttons. -'Bag o' mystery'? -Hot dog. Ooh, very close. I think I will give you a point for that. (Gasps) What?! Really?! -What did you get? -I put 'my pants'. (laughing) As a bag o' mystery? Just as a humorous take on it, really. (laughing) I'm almost tempted to give you a point for that as well, because the answer is sausages. (cheering) And what will you find in my pants? But a sausage! (laughing) OK, 'sauce box' was a body part. -What was the... -Ballsack. (laughing) -We've put 'mouth'. -Mouth is the right answer. (applause) Mitchell Brook Primary School performed a school play where they recovered the World Cup in 1966 which was stolen and held to ransom. What was the name of the dog that found it? Now, if this is correct, I'll be delighted. But I've taken a swing at 'Brian Dogmeister'. (laughing) -What did you put for this? -I think we put 'Bobby'. Just 'cause it's a cute name for a dog. You're not wrong, it is a cute name for a dog. It looks like a Bobby. -Can we have a go? -Go on then, what did you get? -Pickles! -Is the right answer. Thank you! (applause) OK. You saw an American journalist, Edith Russell, recalling a moment from history. What was she describing? I'm gonna go over to Roisin and Rob for their answer. What did you think the old lady was talking about? -Strictly Come Dancing! -She was the first winner. (laughing) -Rob? Oti? -Well, it seemed obviously to be the Titanic striking the iceberg. Our fear in Team Self-Mabuse/Roboti, is that it's too easy and maybe it's something a bit more fiendishly clever. You're right! I'm right that it's too easy and it's something more fiendishly clever? I was halfway towards doing that then! It's the right answer. Titanic. (applause) I think we got slightly distracted. -What did you think it was? We put 'Meteor smash (Aliens?)'. (laughing) Well I'm gonna say no. No on both of those. I've already said the answer, it's... The fact there was a bit of hopeful in your voice there... (laughing) So, at the end of that first round, the scores are: Rob and Oti have five. Nish and Katherine have five. Rob and Roisin, very lucky to have two. (applause) Join us after the break. Trust me, the gang and I are gonna have a whole lotta fun tonight. We just have to get through this bloody quiz first! (laughing) (Theme music plays) (BIRDS SQUAWKING, BONGO DRUMMING) Excuse me, where am I? You're lost in the procrastination place. Yeah, right. That makes sense. MAN: Slap yourself out of it. Whoo! * (Theme music plays) (applause) Welcome back to The Big Fat Quiz of Everything. This next round is all about music. In a world that's so full of anxiety, violence and misery, I truly believe that music is the one thing we can all use to drown out the screams of people we don't care about. (laughing) Andrew Lloyd Webber is a hugely successful composer, famous for writing about flamboyant fictional characters like Phantom of the Opera, Mr. Mistoffelees and Jesus Christ. (laughing) In previous centuries, male opera singers were castrated in order to be able to hit the high notes. I think we can all agree that that's barbaric and no opera singer should ever have to go through that again, except maybe the guy from the GoCompare ad. (laughing) Right, time for some music questions. First up, take a look at this colourful and vibrant Pepsi advert featuring Beyonce. It's based on a famous opera. Can you tell me which one? There was a whole boom of popstars doing Pepsi adverts, and I loved them. Remember Britney, Beyonce, Pink? -Midriffs everywhere. I loved it. -Did you? I don't even think they should call it Pepsi. I think it should be called 'Is Pepsi Alright?' (laughing) No one's ever ordered a Pepsi, have they? You go, "Can I get Coke?" and they go, "Is Pepsi alright?" and you go, "Oh, alright." (laughing) I sometimes feel I am the Pepsi to Romesh Ranganathan's Coke. (laughing) Next, it's over to soul icon, Billy Ocean. (Billy Ocean) Hey, Jimmy! (Singing) # I got something to` # Listen, I had a big hit back in 1985 with When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Gets Going. But I'm not the only tough musician out there. I'll tell you why. Back in 1981, legendary Johnny Cash got into a fight with an unusual opponent. But can your team tell me who or what he fought? That's Billy Ocean! I like him because his name sounds like someone forgot Aquaman's name. (laughing) "You know, that guy, he's in... Billy Ocean! -You know him! You know him!" -OK, so he wants to know who Johnny Cash got into a fight with back in 1981. OK, question number three. What extraordinary 2012 Coachella performance lead to audience members saying things such as "Haunted me in my sleep", "I think I might have cried" and "I thought I was seeing things." This is exactly our area. Question number four. In 1986, Robert Palmer released the song Addicted To Love. Can you tell me three symptoms he claims are tell-tale signs of you being addicted to love? # Your lights are on # OK, well can you do that a bit quieter? (laughing) -# You're not home # -# Your man... # -# ..is not your own # Yes, but you have to write these down! (Singing) Three of the symptoms of being addicted to love. -# De de de # -De de de? "De de de de, de de de de, de de de de" is not the lyric. That's what I do when I hear a song! # Ba da ba da ba da, I'm addicted to love # You're really not giving anything away here -with your rendition. -I'm here for moral support! You're not! You're here to be on a team! -I'm supporting Rob! -Supporting Rob? You look like a carer! A nice carer that's turned up to take care of Rob through the wilderness years. She only came because she thought she was with Anton Du Beke. We all know that. And now, she's making the best of it. She thought it was Anton, and she's putting on a brave face. -You thought it was Anton briefly! -I thought it was Anton! You looked in the mirror, you thought, "Come on!" That's what I dream of! Right, who had 20 minutes in for Anton Du Beke? (laughing) He still hasn't done Ronnie Corbett! I'm amazed! (laughing) As I said earlier, it's a marathon, not a sprint. (laughing) I... No. (laughing) All I need is the touch of the glasses. I'm happy. OK. Finally in this round, The Spice Girls' 1997 Brits performance was memorable for Geri Halliwell's iconic Union Jack dress. Now, underneath your desks are some replica dresses. All I want you to do is draw what you think was on the back of the dress. Is it a dress if your vag is out? (laughing) Yeah, I think it is. I mean, it's a T-shirty dress. I mean, in fairness to her, she did have knickers on. (laughing) What do you think of this, The Daily Mail?! Who doesn't love this country now?! (laughing) Controversially, Nish has joined UKIP on our show! (laughing) Guys, I just think we're better off out, OK? (laughing) (Jimmy hoot laughing) OK, I've got some answers for you. You saw Beyonce star in an astonishing advert for Pepsi. It was based on a famous opera, but which one? -What did you all get? -Carmen? We went Carmen. -You went Carmen. -We went Madame Butterfly. I can tell you the answer was... Carmen. (wooping) (applause) It's the story of Don Jose, who's sort of a jealous lover, and he gets together with a gypsy girl and then she goes off with a bullfighter, -so he kills the girl. -Yeah, he's fuming in it, isn't he? It sounds classy and then you read that and you go, "It's like Corrie!" (laughing) OK. So, point, point. No point. Madame Butterfly? -I thought you'd've got that. -I didn't know. -Opera's not my thing. -What is your thing? Dancing. Oh, yeah. I knew I knew you from somewhere! (laughing) Billy Ocean asked you if you knew who Johnny Cash got into a fight with in 1981. A boy named Sue? A Boy named Sue is a great answer! Is it the right answer? It is not the right answer, no. I'm moving on politely. Nish? Katherine? Very close! We thought maybe cockfighting. -What was their answer? -A chicken. Rob and Oti, what did you get? We went for a humorous answer. We put Johnny Chip and PIN. (laughing) And it was over song choice. We had no idea on this one, I'm afraid. OK, well, I'll let him tell you himself. (Johnny Cash) We had an ostrich, but the ostrich met me in the road one day when I was taking a walk and he's eight feet tall. (laughing) He threw his wings up like this and hissed at me. And I walked around him. But when I came back, I had about an 8ft pole with me, in case he was still there and he was. And he started at me and I swung the pole, which is exactly what he wanted me to do. He jumped straight up! He jumped straight up and came back down and hit me right here and broke three ribs. -An ostrich?! -Wow! It was an ostrich called Waldo. (laughing) I asked you what 2012 Coachella performance lead viewers to say "Haunted me in my sleep", "I think I might have cried" and "I thought I was seeing things." What did you all put? Well, we put a real answer and a joke answer. The joke answer was Jimmy Carr. (laughing) And marginally more lifelike was the Tupac hologram. Well, the Tupac hologram is absolutely right. (applause) I'm just going to break it to Rob. Uh, Tupac's dead. (laughing) Take a look at what the answer is that we put down. Take a look at the handwriting, Jimmy. Whose handwriting is that? Tupac hologram? It's not Oti's handwriting, Jimmy. Looks like Bobby's down with them, after all. (laughing) Wow, he has no idea what he's saying there. If you're in a gang and that's offensive, I'm sorry! (laughing) Roisin? Rob? Did you get this? -Yeah, we got Tupac, didn't we? -Yep. Well, you all got that right. Yeah, it was Snoop Dogg's performance alongside the hologram of Tupac. You've gotta feel bad for Snoop there, haven't you? Because he's pretty high most of the time. He must have gone, "This is weird! I could have sworn that guy was dead!" (laughing) It would be annoying if they did your hologram like when you was having a bit of a fat day, wouldn't it? You know, like at the end of Christmas. "4th of January, we're doing your hologram!" Oh, no! (laughing) Jimmy's already cut a deal to do a hundred years of hologram touring. (laughing) I asked you some of the symptoms of being addicted to love. Did you get them? Probably easiest, Rob, if you just sing us the song. Well, "your mind is not your own", "your teeth sweat" "Your heart races" Your teeth sweat?! That's how I remember it. (laughing) Could Ronnie Corbett... What would it sound like if Ronnie Corbett covered Addicted To Love? (laughing) (Mimicking Ronnie Corbett) The lights are on. (laughing) But you're not home (laughs) Your mind is not your... I'm doing Ronnie Corbett. (laughing) It's one of those songs, Oti, you think you know and then you sit here humming it and I don't know... Your heart... I don't know, your mind is not your own. Your mind is not your own. You definitely get a point for that. That's a correct one. What else did you have? "Your teeth sweat", "your heart races". (Roisin, laughing) "Your teeth sweat". "Your teeth sweat" is the most bizarre thing you've ever written down. Not even Rob's teeth sweat! There's enough of them! And I've been to some well hot places! (laughing) What did you get over there, Rob and Roisin? Well, "your mind is not your own". And then... "Heart beats", "lights on". The lights are on. "Lights are on". "Your heart beats in double time" is the lyric. Nish? Katherine? What did you get? I didn't believe in any of these answers, but Nish bullied me to write them down. (laughing) "Hands sweat". Obviously, "lights on, you're not home." That's in reference to losing your mind. And then, your heart beats so fast, it's racing. We paraphrased. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Let's just have a look. # Your lights are on # (Rob Beckett) Lights are on! Yes please! # You're not home # # Your mind is not your own # # Your heart sweats, your body shakes # # Another kiss is what it takes # # You can't sleep, you can't eat # # There's no doubt, you're in deep # Ros, come here. If you think you know the answer, I will back you. But don't give me shit! (laughing) I'll go to fucking war for you! I'll go to fucking war! (laughing) If you've just tuned in, welcome to the Big Fat Quiz of Everything: Prison Edition. (laughing) You get two points. You get two points. You get two points. (cheering) Therefore, making the round... pointless! (laughing) I wanted you to draw what was on the back of Geri Halliwell's Union Jack dress. Please show me your pictures of dicks and balls! (laughing) -I didn't do that. -I didn't do that, actually. OK. Nish, let's go with yours. I wrote something quite serious. "Leave means leave". (laughing) Katherine? I think I really know what it is. -It's like a peace sign with the feminist symbol. -Pretty good. Guys, why has no one else put them on and stood up apart from... I think the word you're looking for is 'dignity'. (laughing) What have you got, Ros? I just thought it reminded me of a menu. A menu. A chalkboard at a pub! A chalkboard at a pub! (laughing) Rob, what did you think? I just wrote, um... 'Same as the front'. (laughing) Same as the front? Normally, with dresses, they're the same as the front, aren't they? (laughing) So I just wrote 'same as the front'. It's a very good guess. I mean, I'm here for points, mate! (laughing) Oti, what have you got? OK, so I did the same as Katherine, but my sign is slightly upside down. OK. Rob, did you get this? Mine is a little cruel and I regret it. (laughing) (laughing) (applause) We'll just take a look. Yes, it was the peace sign. OK. No points. Points. Points. OK, now it's time for a special bonus question as we head over to the Channel 4 Newsroom, where Jon Snow is reporting on a classic song. All you need to do is write down the song. (Jon Snow) Oxfordshire police have issued a restraining order against a man after a woman reported a stalker who kept calling her special and wishing he was the same. The man in question is said to have compared the woman to an angel, but also told her on more than one occasion that he couldn't look her in the eye and that her skin made him cry. When neighbours of the man were questioned, they said he was known to be a weirdo who strived for the perfect body and always wanted to have control. When asked about his behaviour, the woman went on to say that he kept repeating that he would do whatever makes her happy and wanted her to notice him, even when he wasn't around. Back to you, Jimmy. Thank you, Jon. OK, so did you get this? Did you know what Jon was talking about? Which song? What did you put, Rob? I've written Creep - Radiohead. OK, and you've got? Nish? Katherine? Creep by Radiohead from the album, Pablo Honey. Rob? Oti? We weren't sure, but we know that this song is often the answer on music-based questions. (laughing) Well, let's go to Jon Snow for the answer. # But I'm a creep # # I'm a weirdo # # What the hell am I doing here? # # I don't belong here. # Is he alright? (laughing) Fun fact about Jon Snow, he's never seen anyone play the guitar! (laughing) Let's check in on the scores. So currently behind, Rob and Roisin with seven. Rob and Oti have nine. Nish and Katherine in the lead with 11! (applause) Join us after the break for more of the show that loves questions, as long as those questions aren't "What's on the other side?" (laughing) (theme music plays) And that's when Sara decides that this is the perfect time to finally show everyone the little tattoo she got on her... OE. * (theme music plays) (applause) Welcome back to The Big Fat Quiz of Everything! The next round is all about film and television. And if there are any younger viewers watching, television was sort of like a longer version of a TikTok video. (laughing) The film Flashdance has a great message for our times. Just because you're following your dreams of being a dancer, it doesn't mean you can't retrain as a welder. (laughing) The school-based drama Grange Hill was set in a more innocent time, and we never missed an episode. It didn't matter what was happening. Sniffing glue from a carrier bag, finding porn mags in a hedge or getting finger-blasted behind some bins. When the time came, you stopped what you were doing, rushed home and watched Grange Hill. (laughing) OK, time for TV and film questions. Question number one. Take a look at these iconic lead characters. Can you tell me what they've all got in common? Oooh! What have all those characters got in common? So it's Ed Norton in Fight Club, Marilyn Monroe in The Seven Year Itch, Ryan Gosling in Drive and John David Washington in Tenet. What have they all got in common? Absolutely no idea. (muttering) Alright. Question number two on film and TV. Back in 2007, the country was rocked by a Blue Peter scandal when a kitten was named Socks, despite viewers voting for another name. What was the actual winning name of that cat? It's now over to The Karate Kid himself, Ralph Macchio, for the question. Wow! (Ralph Macchio) Hi, Jimmy! I'm back playing Daniel LaRusso in Netflix's Kobra Kai season three, which of course, is a sequel to the original Karate Kid films. Now, it may have been 36 years, but I have never forgotten the training that Mr. Miyagi gave me in the first film. Can your teams name three of the household chores he instructed me to do in the original film? I mean, what is going on with his curtains? (laughing) What's happened there? Question four. The song at the end of Only Fools and Horses is called Hooky Street. Could you name three things you could buy down Hooky Street? Oooh! I'm not from here. OK, leave this to me. Yeah, I'm not obliged to answer the question. You're not obliged to answer that question? -I'm not from here. -It's an international hit! -Um, no, it's not! (laughing) OK, you ready for answers? I showed you four famous leading characters in major Hollywood movies. I asked you what they all have in common. What did you put? We think they're all unnamed characters. Like, unnamed main characters. Correct answer! 100% right! (applause) Well, I presume you got this as well. What did you put? Rob? Roisin? Well they all order, weirdly enough, at the curry house, Chicken Madras, Saag Aloo and Garlic Naan. No rice. (laughing) Rob, Oti, I notice you've... Well, we've established, haven't we, that these are all characters without names, so what better way to convey that by giving you an answer without text? (laughing) (applause) Uh, bullshit! (laughing) So in Fight Club, Ed Norton is just known as Narrator. In The Seven Year Itch, Marilyn Monroe is known as The Girl. In Drive, Ryan Gosling is referred to as Kid or The Driver. And in 2020's Tenet, John David Washington's character is credited as The Protagonist, presumably because the script is unfinished. (laughing) I asked you if you knew what the Blue Peter kitten should have been called when it was named by the viewers. What did you go with? I would have called him Snowball or Snowy, but then you haven't got that much snow in this country, so maybe it's not a go-to. Also, it was a controversial name because they couldn't use it on a kids show. Well, that's why Nish overruled me with WAP. Wet ass pussy. (laughing) You went with, Oti? So Rob convinced me. (laughing) Rob convinced you? A family... A beloved family entertainer? I just believe in my partner so much. And I wrote it. (laughing) -Is that the right answer? -That is not the right answer. Rob and Roisin, I think might have it. Catty McCatface. No. And Sue, you wanted Sue written down. The actual answer is Cookie. They voted for Cookie, but they couldn't call it Cookie because some people pointed out that that can also mean a lady's... Sunday face. (laughing) OK, The Karate Kid asked you to name three of the household chores he was instructed to do by Mr. Miyagi as part of his training. Did you get them? We think it's waxing, mopping and painting. Definitely two out of the three there. What did you get? Nish? Katherine? Wax on, wax off (car cleaning), sweep the leg (floor), and then we just wrote folding clothes because we couldn't remember what that karate move would equate to. What did you guys get? Dishwasher. Load and unload. (laughing) Cut the grass. Someone must have been cutting it. Never got any longer, did it? (laughing) It was wash the car, wax the car, paint a fence, sand wood and paint his house. OK so one, two, two. (applause) I asked you to name three items that were listed in the closing credits of Only Fools and Horses that you could buy on Hooky Street. What did you get? Roisin was eating crisps, so I just wrote crisps out of just panic. David Bowie LPs? And I said sandals. Ros said sandals. You get one for that. David Bowie LPs is there. -What did you guys get? -TVs, magazines, David Bowie LPs. Is that the line? You've got two there. "TVs, Deep Freeze". TVs, Deep Freeze! What you got, Rob? Oti? This is just sheer guesswork. A washing bowl? I thought you might find that at a market. Tea towels, T-shirts, buckets and screwdrivers. That's what you get at markets. Have a listen and see if any of them are in there. # Hooky Street by John Sullivan # # We've got some half price cracked ice # # and miles and miles of carpet tiles # # TVs, deep freeze and David Bowie LPs # # Ball games, gold chains, what's-names and Oedipus # # and Trevor Francis tracksuits from a mush in Shepherds Bush # # Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush # I mean it does what's-names in there, which covers all of that. (laughing) OK. One point. Two points. No points. -My family are gonna be ashamed of me for not getting all those. That feels like that should be played at your wedding. (laughing) Time now for a special bonus round. Please welcome one of Hollywood's go-to guys for movie trailers, it's the one and only Red Pepper! (applause) -How you doing? -Very well indeed. Can I just remind everyone? This is Red's genuine voice! Wow! So you've voiced over pretty much every movie ever, right? Well, not every movie ever, but plenty. Yeah, I've had my fair share. It's like somebody designed the opposite of my voice! (laughing) Can you do a quick voiceover competition? Because Rob Brydon, our very own Rob Brydon... You've done a lot of voiceovers in your time, right? I can't imagine you do a lot of the same work! (laughing) Not a lot of competition! Weirdly though, they've both gotta do the Terms and Conditions. The Terms and Conditions are where the game is played with voiceover, right? So we're going to do like, the fastest read of this in the deepest voice known to man. Go! Zero Representative APR for a limited time only. Subject to eligibility. Prices may change. 18s and over. Cannot be used in conjunction with any other offer. See online for full terms and conditions. Always read the label. (applause) I think I've got my first Terms and Conditions boner! (laughing) Rob Brydon. We would like to hear your rendition. OK, this won't be as sexy. (laughing) 0% Representative APR for a limited time only. Subject to eligibility. Prices may change. 18s and over. Cannot be used in conjunction with any other offer. See online for full terms the conditions. Always read the label. (applause) You got the speed! You got the speed, baby! You did that four seconds quicker. Yeah. I mean, this is... Autocue could hardly keep up. Could you imagine if there was some kind of hybrid of me and Red? Could you imagine what that could achieve? -(Red) Oh, hell yeah! -A tiny little sexy man! (laughing) In a box! (laughing) Let's get to the question, right? So the question is, we've got the taglines from four famous movies. You have to write down what is the movie. Ooo! This'll be fun. OK, so, first tagline. The longer you wait, the harder it gets. Let's have that one more time. The longer you wait, the harder it gets. So you've got to write down your answers for that. A tagline for a film? Yeah, tagline for a film. Huge film. OK, so next one. Number two. He may be dead, but he's the life of the party. Jimmy Carr: The Movie. (laughing) How dare you! How ever dare you! OK, let's have that one again. He may be dead, but he's the life of the party. I want that to be the voice in my head! Yeah. (laughing) Here's the third one. His story will touch you even though he can't. Let's have that one again. His story will touch you even though he can't. OK, and the last one. Go, Red Pepper. Does for sex, drugs and rock and roll what The Sound of Music did for hills. (laughing) OK, let's see if you got the film. So what was the first tagline? The first tagline. The longer you wait, the harder it gets. It was for The 40 Year Old Virgin. OK, so what did we get? You got The 40 Year Old Virgin. You wrote? Roisin? What did you go for? The longer you wait, the harder it gets? Constipation. The movie. I mean, you're not wrong. But what a shit, when you have it. (laughing) It's the Big Fat Quiz of Everything, everyone! Constipation? Tick! (laughing) What did you think that might be? Oti thought it was Jurassic Park. I named every big movie and you just shut me down! Well, in fairness, you were wrong on everything, so... Well, to be fair, they do wait 65 million years to come back to life. It's not the craziest guess in the world! OK. The longer you wait, the harder it gets was The 40 Year Old Virgin. What was the next one? He may be dead, but he's the life of the party. Weekend at Bernie's. Yaaay! -You've got Weekend at Bernie's on the top right there? -Yeah, yeah. And number two, what did you think we asked? Drop Dead Fred. He's a laugh, isn't he? I'd say he's the life and soul out of the party, but I weren't writing the tagline. (laughing) -What was the third one? -Third one was "His story will touch you even though he can't." Edward Scissorhands. (groaning) His story will touch you, even though he can't. It's Edward Scissorhands. What did you get for that? Hollow Man. Hollow Man. Good guess. -Thanks, Red. -Wrong. I thought it was gonna be Ghost! OK. Number four, just give me the tag line. Not the name of the film. Does for sex, drugs and rock and roll what the Sound of Music did for Hills. And you thought that was? Watership Down. (laughing) -How did you get Watership Down? -Have you watched it? -Yeah. -Well then you'd know! (laughing) Don't start criticizing it if you've not watched it, Jimmy! OK, Nish? Spinal Tap. (Rob & Oti) Spinal Tap. Spinal Tap is the ... This is Spinal Tap. (applause) They've not got the whole film name there. It's This is Spinal Tap, not Spinal Tap. Yeah. I tell you what it's not. Fucking Watership Down! (laughing) Wind your neck in! Let's see what that's done to the scores! I can tell you that Rob and Roisin are lucky to have 11. Rob and Oti have 15. And Nish and Katherine have 20! (applause) That's it for part three. Over to you, Red! Coming soon to a TV screen near you. Part four of the Big Fat Quiz of Everything. With Oti and Rob: Beauty and the Beast. Nish and Katherine: The Usual Suspects, and Rob and Roisin: Dumb and Dumber. Part four. Coming soon. (laughing) Red Pepper, everyone! Thanks so much for coming in, man! That was great! (applause) (Theme music plays) * (applause) Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz of Everything! Our next round is all about science and technology. Puffing Billy is the name of the world's oldest surviving locomotive. It travelled at five miles per hour and is still being used today by Southern Rail. (laughing) The first contraceptive pill was made by synthesising hormones from yams because, of course, you can't get a yam pregnant. And I should know! (laughing) It wasn't until a year after we landed on the moon that American, Bernard Sadow, patented the first wheeled suitcase. And it's revolutionize the way Saudi Arabian agents remove the dismembered bodies of dissident journalists from embassies in Turkey. (laughing) OK. Are you ready for some more questions? It's science and technology. Question number one. Take a look at this clip from Tomorrow's World in 1969. All I want to know is, what are they talking about? Da da da dit, da da da dit da, da da dee dee dee. Dee dee da dee da, da da dee dee dee, da da da da da dee? Dee dee da da, dee da da dee, da da dee. (chucking) Which is quite enough of dat! They were talking about something to come? Forget the Tomorrow's World thing. What were they talking about there? Next, it's over to the Sky At Night presenter. Dr. Maggie, everyone! (Dr. Maggie) Hi, Jimmy. Dr. Maggie here. Now I co-host a programme called The Sky at Night because I have a lifelong passion with science and technology that lets us explore the universe. But it's an invention close to home that I want to ask your teams about. In 1826, a chemist called John Walker created a revolutionary new product that we still use today. He called them friction lights. But can the teams tell me what they're known as now? So what was invented in 1826 by John Walker? And they're called friction lights. (muttering) Yeah! Twinny! Twinny! (laughing) I knocked, and then Roisin said the answer I was going to say to her! That is mental! (laughing) Have you written it down though? No. I'll write it... Wait, what was the answer? Oh yeah. (laughing) Question number three in this round. Back in the early 1970s, this diagram garnered worldwide attention. It was called The Pioneer Plack. What I want to know is, who was it for? Looks like the treatment for Naked Attraction. (laughing) Filmed in this very studio, I would add. Are they gonna do a celeb version? That would be great, wouldn't it? I'd do it. I would love to be on Celeb Naked Attraction. That's what I'm waiting for. My best features are hidden. (laughing) What is your best feature in your opinion? I have a textbook vagina, and it's stunning. (laughing) I gotta get it out like in the next 18 months. I don't know where... It's gonna hit a wall one day! (laughing) Question four. Take a look at this clip from an episode of Dispatches. All I want to know is what are these people talking about? I was so amazed! I was so excited with it! We just received it then! Whatever your interests are, there's something on here for everybody! I love it! I love it, personally! Definitely on at night time! We first opened the box up. It was like Pandora's Box to me. OK, so what are Ant and Dec's parents talking about? (laughing) What year was it? It was the year 2000. But it was the North East! (laughing) Oh well, you've fucked us then, 'cos we thought it was older than that. No, no, no. That could, that could still be... whatever you're thinking, it could still be that. In the North East? (laughing) And finally in this round, it's a science say-what-you-see. So all you've got to do is say what you see. Don't say it out loud, just say what you see. Here it is. What's that? Fence? (muttering) That's the beginning. That's the first bit. But I don't know what the rest is. (muttering) Oh, the tension in here! Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it, I got it. Alright. So, answers everyone. I showed you a clip from Tomorrow's World in 1969. I just wanted to know, what were they reporting on? Did you get it? We put Morse code, and then I wrote 'Nish is cool' because I felt like it. And I agree. (laughing) So you've got one right! (laughing) For us, it was a toss up between Morse code and binary code. What have you got there? Morse code about a new M&S opening. (laughing) Let's not get into the specifics. But Morse code. You all get a point. (cheering) (applause) Dr. Maggie from The Sky at Night asked you what friction lights were. Did you know? Matches. Matches. We don't know. And then candles. Streetlamp. Matches, of course! 1826, so you think candles might have been invented? (laughing) I put 'we don't know' and Oti, pride got the better of her... She wanted to put something down. She wrote candles. I said put something! Anything! Anything! Matches. Matches. Points. Points. No points. OK. I showed you a diagram from the early 70s. Who was it for? Nish? Katherine? You've gone with? -Students. -You thought that was for students? Yeah, yeah. Just... How to like wave at each other when you're both nude. (laughing) That bloke's belly looks like a crocodile with its tongue hanging out for his knob! (laughing) Who did you think it was for? Well, again, we started with we don't know, and then it struck me. Is that the thing they show if aliens visit us? Is that the thing to explain civilization to aliens? That's the right answer. We sent it into space for aliens so that they could identify. So it's us on the right. It's us just to tell us what we look like. And then on the left, it's a close up of the anus we want them to probe. (laughing) Rob? Roisin? Did you get this? Yeah, Ros took the lead on this one. What did she say? Dodgy Ian and the Boner Boys. (laughing) What I would argue is that we don't know what the aliens are called. So there could... Who's to say there's not an alien called Ian? And his mates all with boners? (laughing) OK. So, aliens. You get a point there. Well done, Oti and Rob. I showed you a clip from an episode of Dispatches from the year 2000. I asked you what they were talking about. What do you think? This was a big swing from me. I thought it might be Freeview. Like Freeview, the Freeview box for your telly. Uh, no. What did you think? We went for everything. We put computer. I thought it was Ceefax, but that wouldn't be 2000. That was way back in the 80s, wasn't it? I mean, it feels like you're very, very close with computer laptop. What have you got? Internet. -Correct answer. -What?! In 2000?! (applause) OK. Finally, I asked you to say what you saw. Did you get this? Ladies and gentlemen, Katherine Ryan. Absolutely smashed this out of the park. Well, I think a lot of us got stuck on pub, but that's an inn, Jimmy! -Yes, it is. -It's 'Dyson Invent Bagless Hoover'. (applause) And Roisin smashed it for our team as well, which is doing nothing for gender stereotypes at all! (laughing) OK, so: Dye, sun, inn, vents, bag, Les, who, fur. I think point, point. I think half a point because you got most of it. Dyson bagless hoover. You can have half a point. Thank you very much. Can we get half a point for computer laptop? So that makes a full point? (laughing) I like your style, Oti! Yes, you can, Oti! (cheering) Yes, you may have two half points. A point. But only because you're the nicest. Thank you. OK, time for a bonus round now. This is the part of the show where I introduce a mystery guest. All you need to do is tell me who they are. But you can only ask them yes or no questions. Please welcome our mystery guest. (applause) OK, so we can only ask yes or no questions. Did you win something? (Guest) No. Did you go viral? -Yes. -Are you on television? Are you famous for being on television? Yes. Are you the child that crawled into the background in that interview on the news? (laughing) And you've had growth hormones and you've really shot up. That was 2017, that happened! (laughing) Never know. -Did you tweet something? -No. -Instagram? -No. -Was it when you was little? -Yes. Were you a baby when it happened? Yes. It was filmed, the thing she's famous for. You've got the TV. You've got the baby. 1997 is the year. It went viral more recently. Was it about somebody biting someone's finger? (laughing) Charlie Bit My Finger? -Was it that? -Famously two boys. (laughing) Wait! Are you the girl... Well, you got to write it down if you think you know the answer. -Just write it down. -I know that face! Oh my giddy lord. You've got it! Press done! Press done! Now lean over it so they can't see! You lean over it! No one else has written anything. You two have to guess. Write down your answers. Jimmy, move it on. (laughing) OK. Let's have a quick look at the answers that you have. We've got an answer and I think it's correct. OK. Rob and Roisin? What have you got? Whatever Rob and Oti put. (laughing) And I don't think you can say that's wrong! OK, um, what've you got? Nish and Katherine? Teletubbies Sunshine Baby! Oh my god! Yes! Three points all round! Well done team! (laughing) (applause) Rob and Oti? You've put what, sorry? Well, Oti was the one who got it right! She was the one who knew it! So, the face of the sun in the Teletubbies! Could you please tell us who you are and what you're famous for. My name's Jessica and I was the baby in Teletubbies. (applause) Let's take a look at you in action. (Baby giggling) You do look similar! I mean, she's the same person. And she's not had a tonne of work done! Oh yeah. (laughing) Did your parents send you in and had you laugh for an audition? It was my mum who took me into the hospital to be weighed and it was the same day the producers had been in and forwarded names for, like, smiley baby. Awww. So they took you into the hospital to weigh you and then you got the part? So it's like... Isn't that awful? For actresses? Weighing actresses. Yeah. They go in, "Oh, she's OK. She's eight pounds. If she'd have been ten pounds, they would have gone, "No, that's too big a baby!" OK. Let's see what that's done to the scores. I can tell you in last place, without even looking, Rob and Roisin have 15. Only slightly ahead, Rob and Oti have 19. In the lead, Nish and Katherine with 24! (applause) (Teletubbies theme) # Time for Teletubbies # (Lala giggles) # -Tinky Winky, -Tinky Winky! # # -Dipsy, - Dipsy! # # -Lala, - Lala! # # -Po. - Po! # # Teletubbies, teletubbies, say hello! Eh oh! # Well that's the end of part four! Time for Teletubbies to say bye bye! See you in five! (applause) (Theme music plays) * (Theme music plays) (applause) Welcome back to The Big Fat Quiz of Everything! This next round is all about sports and games. Snakes and Ladders is an ancient Indian board game that's still played around the world today by children who can't afford an Xbox. (laughing) The origins of Sumo Wrestling date back 2000 years to when the first Greggs was opened in Japan. (laughing) Dungeons and Dragons hit the shelves in 1974. Say what you like about the people who play Dungeons and Dragons. Seriously, say what you like. What are those nerds going to do? (laughing) OK. Time for some sports and games questions. Take a look at these people being interviewed on NBC News about a famous sporting event. All I want to know is what sporting moment are they talking about? (Woman 1) A historical event. She was great! (Woman 2) She wasn't that great! -Yes, she was! -No, she wasn't 'cause she... He lost! Yeah, but he was giving it to her! -He did not! -Yes, he did! -55 year old man! -He was doing pretty good. Did you see him jump over the net at the end of the game? -Why didn't he do it during the game? (laughing) It's not those people. Rob? What's the matter? This is like the quiz is how to confer, when it's impossible to confer! It's not a dream scenario we've got. (laughing) Don't leave me! (laughing) -Stay with me! -Give me some answers! (laughing) Here's three faces from the world of sport. OK. Swimmer Ian Thorpe, cricketer Phil Tufnell and footballer Stuart Pearce. All I want you to do is give me their nicknames. So I need nicknames for those three. Ian Thorpe, Phil Tufnell and Stuart Pearce. Tuffers does not count for Phil Tufell. Question number three. Take a look at this fun clip of an enthusiastic Katy Perry rerecording one of her hits in a bizarre language for a hugely popular game. All I want to know is, what game? # Bud ipsa frooby noop, with passion! # # Bud ipsa frooby noop. # # Rimpy furber perbadex, wara oofa monarex # # Yarby denzel dable doop, eeby tuka mimi shoops # # Kibi cipsy uppa coop # (laughing) Why can't we just have a sports round? Why you fucking about with that? Because it is a game! It's a game and it's the Big Fat Quiz of Everything! Sports and games, Robert! Listen to the round name! (laughing) Next we go over to the queen of all things competitive, Clare Balding! (Clare Balding) Hi, Jimmy. This is Eric and he wanted to help me ask this question. I've covered some tense sporting moments in my time, but nothing has made me as on edge as playing the children's game Buckaroo. And here is my question for your teams. Can you name any three of the items that you had to balance precariously on Roo's back? I don't know what to start... Does she play the guitar? Why has she got pebbles? Why is there a cat involved? (laughing) I don't know why there are pebbles in a bowl. I think she was going for a spa hotel look. (laughing) Where else you gonna keep your pebbles? Loose?! Can't have loose pebbles! You've got to bowl your pebbles up! (laughing) Just loose pebbles everywhere? Bowl your pebbles, Jimmy! (laughing) I cannot tell you how much money I would pay to watch a version of the Marie Kondo show in England presented by Roisin Conaty. Just walking round telling people they can't have loose pebbles! (laughing) Lastly for this round. Come on boy! Give it to me! You must have read some questions in your time! Come on, Jimmy! You can do it, Jimmy! (Chanting) Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy! Loose pebble! Loose pebble! Loose pebble! (laughing) I mean, who had round five for total breakdown? (laughing) OK, I'm going to read you some sporting terminology. Three spoits... sports. (laughing) You got it. He's loose pebbled it! Stick it in a bowl, and go again! (laughing) Ah, OK. Oh my God! Jimmy's crying! He's a real boy! (laughing) OK. Lastly for this round, I'm going to give you some sporting terminology. A point for each sport you identify. There are three. OK, so. What would you be playing if you had a tight head, a spear tackle and a hooker? (Muttering) This just sounds like a stag do! What would you be playing if you were facing a flipper, a dibbly dobbler and a full toss? What sport would you be taking part in if you had a long snapper, a Nickelback and a tight end? (Muttering) OK, you ready for some answers? -Yeah, mate. -OK, here we go. I asked you what those people were being interviewed about. What did you all put? Tennis people. Male vs female. When Billie Jean King played tennis versus... A little more specific and say Bobby Riggs against Billie Jean King. That is the exact right answer. (applause) Rob Brydon, you'll notice from here on in, is all business. (laughing) OK, so I asked you if you knew the nicknames of these sportsmen. Did you know them? Fucking did I?! Yeah! Do you want them? -Yes! -Thorpedo, Tuffers and Psycho. Thorpedo, The Cat, and Psycho. Oh, he's Tuffers, mate! Yeah, but it's not his nickname. Maybe he calls himself Tuffers, but everybody else calls him The Cat. Did you get this? You got this. Full points, Nish and Katherine? Alright. I showed you a clip of Katy Perry entertainingly rerecording one of our hits for a popular game. What was the game? Furbies. -The game Furbies? -Yes. -What's the game? -I don't know! Well, the game is: you get one and it's a right laugh. (laughing) They say... You can feed them, they make noises, that's the game with Furbies, isn't it? Yeah, that's the game. Depends what you wanna do with them! Personally, I get loads and stick them in a bowl! (laughing) It's up to you how you play with them! OK, Nish? Katherine? What did you get? We thought it was Fruit Ninja, because I heard her say passion and it seems like a game she would endorse. OK. Rob? Oti? We put Pokemon. Pokemon? Well, the answer was The Sims. Oooh! It was in Simlish. (laughing) Clare Balding. Don't know if you noticed, she had a lot of pebbles in a bowl. Where else you gonna keep them? (laughing) So what would you have had on the back of a Buckaroo horse? We went for horseshoe, saddle and that horse neck scarf thing. You know the thing they put over an horse when they're gonna to pull a carriage? Horseshoe and saddle. You get two points. OK, what did you get, Katherine? Nish? We put cowboy hat, rope and saddle. Three points. -Yes! Oti? Bucket, spade, rope, hat. I don't know that last one... -Pickaxe. -Three. -Woop woop! (applause) Finally, I asked you to identify three sports by the terminology, so tight end, spear tackle and hooker. You all get this? -Rugby. -Rugby. OK, easy one. What did you put, Ros? Fishing. Fishing? Why is there a hooker in fishing? I mean, they're normally divorcees aren't they? (laughing) Alright. Rugby, rugby, fishing - no. OK. Second one was if you were facing a flipper, a dibbly dobbler and a full toss. Charades. (laughing) -You thought, Nish? -Cricket. Cricket. Cricket really paying out for you. We went with cricket, which was Oti. Not me. OK, so rugby, cricket, and... If you were facing a long snapper, a Nickelback and a tight end? -American football. -The right answer. Nish? Katherine? Our North American connection paying off. So you get three. Rob? Roisin? What did you put? Scoocher Man. We're big NFL fans and Scoocher Man is the original... Basically, Scoocher Man invented the rules of the game. So we thought we might get an extra point by giving you the name of the guy that invented the rules to do NFL ` Scoocher Man. Gavin Scoocher Man. (laughing) Gavin, as well! It's the detail of the lie! -Are you gonna give us a point? -No. This game is bullshit. "This game is bullshit." OK, alright. It's now time for a special bonus round. I'm going to show you three iconic print adverts that have all been subtly improved. All you need to do is tell me what the advert is for. OK, here's the first one. So that's me pre-hair transplant and diet. Oh my god! It's Jimmy! (laughing) What? OK so what advert... You've just got to write down the product. Write down the product. What was that advert for? Reckon it's for photobooths? It's not an advert for photo booths, no. Alright. Next one. So what is that an advert for? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Go on! OK and the third one. (laughing) That's an ad for something? That's an ad for something, yeah. Don't worry. Nish is on this. Me and Nish know! Same age! We all know what that is! OK, let's have a look and see what you got. So the first one, what did you all put? Friends. Advert for friends. It's not friends. It's not friends. Why do you think it's an advert for friends? -That's what we've written! -No, that's what Roisin wrote. I put Irn Bru. (laughing) We thought it was an advert for a dating app. -Yeah. -And I think friends. No one's trying to have sex looking at that, but they might be looking for someone to have a coffee with. Little bit of sense over here. Rob Brydon? Oti? What do you think it's an ad for? -Well, Rob? -Hamlet cigars. -And I agreed. -Let's have a look. That is the right answer. (applause) That's an advert for Hamlet Cigars from 1986. OK, next one. What was it for? Oxo cube. Yeah, we put Oxo cubes. -What did you guys put? -Oxo. OK, let's have a look. Exactly right. It is Oxo cube. Look at that! Look how ugly that baby is! That's an awful baby. OK, alright. Next one. You all got this, right? Wonderbra. Yes. It was me as Eva Herzigova advertising the Wonderbra in 1994. -You got this, Nish? -Yes. -You get this? The Wonderbra. -Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Let's take a look and see what that's done to the scores. I can tell you in last place with 22 points - Rob and Roisin. Yep. In second place, Rob and Oti with 33. Just in the lead, Nish and Katherine with 36! Nish, it's getting tight! (applause) Join us after the break when anything could happen but spoiler alert: it will probably be just loads more questions. (Theme music plays) * (Theme music plays) Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz of Everything! Next round is all about culture and fashion. So viewers in Middlesbrough, you might want to go and make yourself a cup of tea or something. The Eiffel Tower was erected in 1889 to distract tourists whilst having their pockets picked. (laughing) For centuries, high heels were an essential accessory for men needed for horse riding to secure their stance in their stirrups. At least that's what they told their wives when they were caught playing dress-up. (laughing) One of Gianni Versace's most famous creations was a black dress held together with safety pins worn by Elizabeth Hurley in 1994. It was great for both of them. It made her famous and he didn't have to do any sewing. (laughing) OK, some questions about culture and fashion. OK, question number one. What pop culture creation is this impressively moustachioed bloke talking about way back in 1927? And so it is that this monstrous growth has come out of what is really a comparably small seed. Well, the curious thing is how many people around the world are perfectly convinced that he is a living human being. I get letters addressed to him. I get letters asking for his autograph. I get letters addressed to his rather stupid friend. Who the hell is he talking about? Think human being with a stupid friend. You've definitely heard of him. We've gone for something. We're feeling good. We feel the comeback's on. -The comeback is on? -Yeah. (laughing) OK. Why did this outfit make headlines like The Dress Mess, A Frock and a Hard Place, and It May Have Been Spinach Dip back in 1998? Why did it make...? Yeah. Why did it make headlines like The Dress Mess, A Frock and a Hard Place, It May Have Been Spinach Dip? Question three. Next up, it's over to musician and comedian Tim Minchin. (Tim Minchin) Hello, everybody! Hello, Jimmy! On my new album, Apart Together, there are a few songs where I reflect on the experience of living in the United States of America. What I want to know from the teams is which American attraction was originally known as Rebel Rail Road, before being renamed Gold Rush Junction, and then further renamed Silver Dollar City before being rebranded to its current name? You write it, I don't know. I can't understand what you're saying so you have to write it. "I can't understand what you're saying. So just write it." We are miming. Yeah, I'm doing some great mime. Look, I'm pretending that there's a wall here. Oh my God, it nearly fell over! I can't believe I nearly killed Katherine Ryan. You'd be alright. Most of that, we get a refund on. I'm made of mostly this. (laughing) Just merge in. Like in The Terminator. (laughing) OK. Question number four, Pop Art legend Andy Warhol once said, "I used to drink it for twenty years, I guess. The same thing over and over again." What was he talking about? Pee pee? -What? Sorry? -Pee pee. I'll write that down. How many Es? (laughing) OK, so: "I used to drink it for 20 years, I guess. The same thing over and over again." What was he talking about? OK. Lastly for this round, I'm going to show you three celebrity self-portraits. All I need is for you to tell me who drew them. And here's the first one. Here's the second. Terrifying. And the third. I would say impossible. -What? -Celebrity self-portraits, name the artists. This middle person is a dangerous character and has done wrong. (laughing) Are you not getting the middle one?! The middle one is just... I mean, it's a photo. I mean, it's so... But if that's your self-portrait, there's darkness in that. (laughing) OK, you ready for some big fat answers? OK, here we go. Culture and fashion. So I showed you a clip of a man with an incredible moustache talking about a fictional character that he'd invented. Who was he talking about? Sherlock Holmes? Oh! What did you think? Oh lord. Well, if it's Sherlock Holmes, then Dennis The Menace is rather embarrassing! (laughing) Because I thought Dennis The Menace, the Beano, Scotland, Jay Thompson, he's Scottish. That was Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. (laughing) The answer was... Sherlock Holmes! Sherlock Holmes. Not... -Dennis The Menace! (laughing) You can see who reads what books! (laughing) I asked you why this dress made headlines in 1998. What did you all get? -Monica Lewinsky. -Monica Lewinsky. Monica Lewinsky. That is the correct answer. More of a coat, though, isn't it, really? That photo. Oh, I thought it would be much more of a dress. It's not like a blowjobby dress. This was not the blowjob dress! "It's not like a blowjobby dress?" What is a blowjobby dress? One that doesn't look like a Mac. I think a Mac is ideal for that kind of caper. No, it's not the dress, is it, Katherine? No, the dress is blue. For sure. So did she give blowjobs in a series of outfits? That is a black and white photograph. (laughing) That is the dress. I'm not really that bothered about the dress for a blowjob. What? If someone showed up in a clown suit, you'd be alright with it? (laughing) On or off, sir? On or off? I'd still be in to that! Tim Minchin asked you if you knew what was formerly known as Rebel Railroad, Gold Rush Junction and Silver Dollar City. What do you think it was? I said Las Vegas and then Rob said Thunder Mountain. Well, neither of them right. So, OK. We took a swing at the Grand Canyon. You think the Grand... What? Used to be called Rebel Railroad? Jimmy, I said we took a swing! I didn't say it was a correct swing! Swing and a miss, creepy eyes! Oh! People in Perspex screens, James! (laughing) Wow, that's a stare! Terrifying! OK, what did you put Rob? -Oti said... -We said Dollywood. Dolly Parton's theme park. -Dollywood? -Yeah. Correct answer. (applause) What was Andy Warhol talking about when he said, "I used to drink it every day for 20 years, I guess. The same thing over and over again." -Go on, Ros! -Pee pee? Why are you saying it in such a creepy way? Because that's how he would have said it! Look at him! He never once said "I need to go for a wee." He said "I need to go for a pee pee!" What did you think? We thought maybe it was Coke. Coca-Cola. Because of his paintings. OK. Well, I mean, you were so close there... Tomato soup! What kind of soup? Rob? Oti Mabuse said soup. Campbell's soup. Nooo! Is the correct answer. (applause) Fifth question in this round. I showed you three celebrity self-portraits. I asked you to identify them. Did you get them? -Yes. -Yes. Yeah, we did. So let's just move on. So you went with, Rob? Roisin? -Adele? -Yeah. -Hugh Jackman? -Yeah. -And then... -Richard Hammond. (laughing) Because of the car. And if you're gonna do a self-portrait, if I was Richard Hammond, I wouldn't draw Richard Hammond. Because it's Richard Hammond. I'd draw that. -That's better looking than Richard Hammond. -He's a good looking man, isn't he? I know. But this guy, I would bang this guy, but Hammond? You got one out of the three there. -Oh, what did we get? -You got Adele. Adele was right. OK, what did you go for? Nish? Katherine? Adele. Jimmy Carr x2. We thought they were two different portraits of you that you had done. OK, for the correct answer, let's go over to Oti. -Oti, what have you got? -Adele. This charmingly quirky one was Adele. -David Bowie. -That's have a look at the second one. That is David Bowie. Very clearly David Bowie, might I add. -And Pierce Brosnan. -No?! You saw a strikingly colourful Pierce Brosnan. How did you get that?! (applause) Well done! Oti Mabuse! I mean, unbelievable! I don't know how you put that together. That made me feel better about it because Pierce Brosnan, he's Bond, and he's very... I mean, he's very alpha male, but he cannot fucking draw, can he? Look at that! I've seen better moustaches on Nish! Time for a quick bonus round. We asked one of Britain's most distinguished actors, Charles Dance, to read a selection of book reviews that were posted online by Internet users. All you need to do is work out what book he's talking about. Here is the first one. Just write down the first one. Just because it was written yonks ago by a depressed girl living on the Yorkshire moors does not mean that it is good. What makes a classic book? The quality of the writing, or the passage of time? I would rather slowly poke my eyes out with my Kindle than read this again. One star. OK, what book is he talking about? Write it down. We'll go straight to the answer. Oti? Rob? What have you got? Wuthering Heights. You've gone Wuthering Heights. And you went for? -Wuthering Heights. -OK, and you went with? Wuthering Heights. OK, and I can tell you the answer is... Jane Eyre? -Correct. -(Groaning) (Jimmy hoot laughing) Interesting tactics, there, Ros. Write down the wrong one and then get the right one out loud. Never seen that one before. Strange way to play. Do we get a point for that? You don't get a point for that, no! OK, I'll do it the other way. -I understand the rules now. -Quick team talk! OK, so here we go. Next one. If you're a teenage girl or boy or a grown woman or gay man, if you are capable of reading and like men, you will find someone to fall in love with in this book. Not the best writing ever, but then who am I to judge? This is very teenage. I'm 24 and obsessed. But then my maturity is questionable. It is a beautiful teenage love story. It's not a horror. Do not expect thrills of the thriller kind. Only of the OMG-he's-so-romantic kind. There are lots of those. They are awesome. I'm thrilled. Five stars. The girl writing that review doesn't have a lot of self-confidence, does she? She's like, "Well what do I know? I'm 24. "I liked it. Poorly written, but I'm trash." OK, all right. Let's have a look. What did you all get for this? -Twilight. -Twilight. Twilight, Twilight, Twilight. Correct, points all round. And final one of these. Charles Dance now. There were no dicks in this book. One star. I wrote that one. -Is that the whole thing? -I know what it is. I know what it is. OK, let's have a look. You went with? -Moby Dick. -Moby Dick. Moby Dick. -OK. And you went with? -Moby Dick. Correct, points all round. (applause) OK, so at the end of that round, the scores are: in last place with 27 points, Rob Beckett and Roisin Conaty. Yes! -OK, inappropriate response. -No! We're having a great time! -We weren't here for points! -We've won morally. I can tell you it is between Nish, Katherine, Rob and Oti. You've both got 41. Ooo! It's all to play for as we go to the final part. Join us after the break when we'll find out if I'll read anything that's put on autocue because let's face it, I'm a total idiot. Wait, what? (Theme tune playing) * (Theme tune playing) Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz of Everything. Our last round is pot luck. Like a service station pasty, it's got a little bit of everything in it. (laughing) The phrase Peeping Tom, means voyeur, comes from a Tom who spied on Lady Godiva as she rode naked through Coventry. To be fair to Tom, though, she sounds like something of an exhibitionist and there's never been a lot to do in Coventry. (laughing) Victorians didn't smile in photographs and who can blame them? They had a life expectancy of 22. They slept 12 to a bed in slums and their hobbies were infant mortality, gangrene and racism. What did they have to smile about? (laughing) OK, time for our last set of questions. Take a look at this 1997 Channel 4 documentary. All I want to know is what has this man been told he has a recording of? (bizarre gurgling noise) It is very bizarre indeed. (mixed indistinguishable grunting and screeching) Pretty sure that's Roisin eating crisps. (laughing) Yes, it is. Next up, and it's a question from Roman Kemp. Hello, Jimmy. I hope you're all having a wonderful evening. Now, listen, my time in the jungle on I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, it was pretty tough. Not only did I have to eat a bull's penis, foreskin included, I also encountered all different types of bugs and creepy crawlies. But this time around, it's another type of animal that I want to ask your teams about. Can they tell me by what collective name the three-horned face, the double beam, the tyrant lizard king and the speedy thief are better known? Can you say them again? OK, so the speedy thief I would have got. Tyrant lizard king. Think about a tyrant lizard king. Yeah. Another name for a tyrant lizard king. Double beam. Three-horned face. What's got three horns on its face? -There's only one thing. -Rhino. (laughing) Not a fucking rhino, no. Famously, not a rhino. (laughing) From the 80s until 2012, if you had a TV in the UK, you would have been familiar with this music. (Easy listening music) All I want to know is what would you have been looking at if you were listening to this excellent tune? (Easy listening music continues) Oh, wow. Suddenly, suddenly when that music's on, Nish, your moustache makes sense. Take a look at this excerpt from a book of household tips released in 1856. What item are they recommending as a cure for hair loss? Something Rob frequently, on the part requiring it, The stimulating powers of this something are of service in restoring the tone of the skin and assisting the capillary vessels in sending forth new hair. And finally, take a look at this clip from Points of View in 1995. All I want you to tell me is who are these bingo fans talking about? I think I can do what she's doing. Come out of a steam or whatever it is they have. I think if she says someone wearing a yellow jumper, I think, oh, I wish I had a yellow jumper on. That's how it goes, you know. Well, the things she says. It's going to be a bus driver going to win it. Somebody Capricorn. She always... It's stupid. Half the time, none of them win. That actually made me feel nostalgic. That was like my childhood in five seconds. Seeing people smoke indoors is the most insane thing. It's wild behaviour! It is crazy. OK, is everyone finished? Let's have the final set of answers. -Yes. -OK. I asked you if you knew what was supposed to be in the recording you heard. We think it's Bigfoot. What did you go for? Or... Or Paolo Nutini. I thought it had a little bit of an air of Paolo scatting on a song. Very good point well made. What did you go with? We thought it was a demon ghost inhabits his sleeping bod. Thought and think, James. Well, Bigfoot is the right answer. -Oh! -Points. Points. No points. I mean, you're very close here. You've got to be taking this seriously. Oti, our nearest rivals have suddenly decided to go for humorous answers. Roman Kemp asked you what a three-horned face, a double beam, and a tyrant lizard king and a speedy thief are better known as. What have you written? -Dragon. -You think a type of Dragon? -You think type of dragons? -Dragons. -And you said? -Dinosaurs. Right answer. (cheering) Oti Mabuse! The three-horned face is a Triceratops, a double beam is a Diplodocus, a tyrant lizard king is, of course, a T-Rex and a speedy thief is a Velociraptor. Oh, yeah, they are speedy. OK, did you remember where this music came from? (Easy listening music) Rob? Roisin? When-the-tele-stopped music. Technically, that is the right answer. Yes and we'll have it! Thanks, Jimmy! (laughing) Cheers! Thank you very much! Nish, what have you got? Nish? The weather. No, during the weather they just told you what the weather was gonna be. You didn't have a Weather Channel? No, we did not have a weather channel. What did we have, Rob? Oti? Ceefax. You're right. That is the Ceefax music. Let's hear it again. (Easy listening music) -Love it. -When-the-telly-stopped music. I remember telly used to be over! There used to be a time when telly was over. And you felt judged if you were still up! They were like "We're going to bed. "So maybe you should." Jimmy, things are going very well. You know what I feel like saying? I feel like saying, "Would Rob Brydon and his partner Oti Mabuse "please take to the floor?" "For their showdance." Wow. A little glimpse into two years in the future. (laughing) A little glimpse into 2022, and voted out first! I hope you had a great time. I just love being part of it. I mean, it's been so much fun. Oti's been really... Oti's been so kind of patient with me. Thank you. I showed you an excerpt from an 1856 book on household tips, asked you what they were recommending as a cure for baldness. What did you put, Roisin Conaty? Pee pee? (laughing) You've got so creepy! What did you go for, Nish? Semen (Jizz) (Spunk) (Knob juice). And you went for, Rob Brydon and Oti? Mrs Oti Mabuse, said onion. I had no idea. I read it somewhere. OK, removed by ill health or age, onion rubbed frequently onto the part requiring it. Well done! We are that close to winning. I mean, I don't know much about what would make your hair grow back, but... �8,000 and a trip to Turkey, innit? (laughing) Back on the plane with all the other lads with their bucket hats on. (laughing) Correct, Sir. Finally, I asked you what the ladies playing bingo were talking about. Who were they talking about? What did you get? Rob? Roisin? Mystic Meg. What did you get, Rob? Oti? -I got this one. Mystic Meg. -Mystic Meg. And Nish? Katherine... You've come dressed as her! Yes, I also got Mystic Meg. Mystic Meg. OK, well, let's have a look. (applause) Now it's time for our final big fat question. Please welcome the London Oompah Band. (oompah music) (applause) I mean, I'm a huge Oompah fan, so I'm obviously... I'm all across this. So what these boys are going to do for the big fat question is they're going to play you four tracks. All the tracks were the longest No.1 in their respective decades over the 70s, 80s, 90s and 2000s. They're going to play you the song. You get a point for each, and if you get them all right, you get a bonus six points. -Can we treble the bonus for us? -No. You can double it, which means you could still do it. OK. So we're going to have some Oompah music. You've got beers under your desks if you want to get into the spirit of Oompah. Perfect. OK, so take it away, from the 70s, let's go, Oompah. (oompah music plays 'You're The One That I Want' from Grease) I could not be happier with this. I need the artist and the song for the point. -Artist and the song. -The artist as well. OK. And from the 80s, please take it away Oompah. (oompah music plays Frankie Goes to Hollywood's 'Two Tribes') All I would say I learned from that was a) the longest No.1 in the 80s, but also the guy on the trombone seems much more musical than the other two. I mean, I'm just saying. He's killing it over there. Have you all got it? I need the artist. I need the song. And from the 90s, take it away, Oompah. (oompah music plays Bryan Adams' '(Everything I Do) I Do It For You') (applause) I take it all back! The fella on the trumpet nailed it there. -Oh, well done, Oti Mabuse! Yes! -We've got to hope for a big finish. -Yes! -I don't know by whom, though. I know who. I know who. OK, so 70s, 80s, 90s, you've had so far. So, from the noughties, gentlemen, take it away. (oompah music Rihanna's 'Umbrella') -That was really beautiful. -Well done! This guy! Finally! Rob? Roisin? What did you get? For the first one? You're The One That I Want, Olivia Newton John. Oh, just Olivia Newton John, you say? And John Travolta. -Well, you haven't written... -We wrote Grease! Oh, we fucking know who it was! Jesus Christ! Well, Rob, you got You're The One That I Want -Olivia Newton John. -And John Travolta. What do you get? Katherine? Nish? You're The One That I Want, Travolta and Newton John. OK, what did you get as the second song? We didn't get it. I put Blue Monday by New Order because I just panicked. Unlucky. OK, Rob? Oti? Oh, well, we put Love Is All Around by Wet, Wet, Wet. Is it not that, though? No, it's Two Tribes. Two Tribes by Frankie Goes to Hollywood. So we actually got that one right. OK, the third one from the 90s. -Did you all get it? -Yeah. -Yes. -Bryan Adams. Everything I Do (I Do It For You), Bryan Adams. I know you're Canadian. Fine. OK, and the last one, a beautiful rendition. Rob? Oti? -Umbrella. -By? Jay-Z and Rihanna. Yes. Jay-Z and Rihanna is the correct answer. Let's see how many others get the answer. -Umbrella, Rihanna. -Oh, leave it out! What do you want? The fucking guitar player's name as well? OK, all right, you get the Rihanna, Umbrella. -You get the point for that. -Thank you! Jesus Christ! Fuck me! OK, so that means the final scores are: Rob and Roisin, you've got a very respectable 39 points. Katherine and Nish, just ahead with 45. But the winners, and I think I can... Nuno Bettencourt! -What, sorry? -Nuno Bettencourt is Rihanna's guitarist. (laughing) OK, but the winners of The Big Fat Quiz of Everything: Rob Brydon and Oti Mabuse! I mean, look at that! Well, that's it! A big thank you to our brilliant panel, all our special guests. Thank you very much indeed for watching! I've been Jimmy Carr! This has been The Big Fat Quiz of Everything! Good night! Play us out, boys! (Oompah Band plays) (Closing theme plays) Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Able 2021