- (ENGINE REVS) (KEN HARRISON'S 'WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THE SUMMER') - # We've been waitin' for the summer all year long, # waitin' for the summer to sing this song. # Got the swimmin' and the women and the fun and in the sun, and in the sun. # We've been waitin' for the summer to get unstressed # from the grindin' and examin', gotta take a rest. # We've been patient for the summer and now the waiting's done. # We gonna play. # We gonna dance... - # ...the days away. # - # Right when the summer... - # ...stars come out, # - # we're gonna do what it's all about. # We've been waitin' for the summer to hit the beach... # - (EXCITED CHEERING, LAUGHTER) - # Sunshine cheer, cos the super fine summer's here. # - All right, campers. Listen up. I know a bunch of terrific songs we can all sing together. You know, to really get in the spirit of four weeks of fabulous fun. - (CHEERING) - Whaddaya say? - (CHEERING) - OK, OK. I hear ya. - (SHOUTS) (YELLS) - (SCATTERED SHOUTING) - Get off or I'll kill us all! - (SHOUTING INCREASES) - # We've been patient for the summer and now the waiting's done. - (SIREN WAILS DISTANTLY) - # We're gonna dance... - #...the days away. # - # Right when the summer... - # ...stars come out, # - # We gonna do what it's all about. - (SIREN CONTINUES) - # Sunshine cheer, cos the super fine summer's here. # (MUSIC STOPS) - Let's go, punk. You're holding up the bus. - I ain't never held up a bus in my life. But it sounds like a good idea. - I wonder if the judge said either this or reform school. - It's always nice to have a choice. - Hi there, officer. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Well, boy, what a great day it is. - Here's one of yours. - Yeah. Boarding pass, right. Um` K. Well, there you go. Thanks. Hop on board. You won't regret it. Really, really gonna be a great summer. - Wow. Are you an athlete or something? - (SCOFFS) Are you from outer space or what? - Well, sort of. - (ENGINE STARTS) - Hey! Flash. Flash the Bash. Over here! Hey, how you doing, man. You still bustin' heads? It's me, Eddie? - You're sittin' in my seat, Jack. Get outta here. - Yeah, get outta here. - Hey, Flash! How are you? - What's goin' on? - Hey, I ain't seen you since we with them mooks on East Side. Remember that? What you been doin'? - Time. - Yeah, well, I sorta heard the talk. Hey... Don't tell me you're going to camp. - Yeah. That made me a CIT or somethin'. I don't know what the fuck it is. - (SLAP!) - Wanna make something of it? - No. No, man. Flash the Bash gonna be a CIT? Hey, that's great. (WHISPERS) Oh, shit. - So, what's it mean anyway? - What? - CIT. What is it? - Oh, CIT. It's a counsellor in training ` I'm one too ` how you look after the little guys, so big brother sort of stuff. It's a piece of cake. - Forget it. - Yeah. Forget it. (KEN HARRISON'S 'WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THE SUMMER') - # We've been waitin' for the summer all year long, # waitin' for the summer to sing this song. # So keep the sunshine cheer, cos the super fine summer is here. # Keep the sunshine cheer, cos the super fine summer is here. # - Hey! Check out that dude. (MUSIC CONTINUES) - (ENGINE REVS) - (HORN TOOTS) - Albert. Slow down. Smell the pine. - That's no pine, that's a wheelchair, God. - Well, let him go. - I can take him. - He's handicapped. - The hell he is! He's probably got a 350 fuel injected turbo in there ` the whole works. - Albert! - I can take him! (ELECTRIC GUITAR SOLO) - Albert. When you were born, were your parents expecting children? - (SCREAMS) (FUNKY MUSIC) (MUSIC FADES) - OK. Let's go. (UPBEAT MUSIC) - (SCATTERED CHATTER, LAUGHTER) - Ah, you must be` - How many campers in wheelchairs you got? - Oh, I thought this was one of those new Hondas. - Not unfunny. Tommy McVee. - Nice to meet ya. I'm Giddy. - Oh yeah? Where's Happy, Sneezy and Grumpy? - Not unfunny. You know where you're goin'? - Yeah. Check out the chicks. Catch you later, Bashful. - Fan. Fanny. I know a place where the four of us can go. The perfect place I mean, the two of us. (SIGHS) - (IMITATES KISSING SOUNDS) - Jerk off, Albert. - (BLOWS WHISTLE) Come on, everybody, let's go. Warm up at your cabin assignments. Move it. Move it. - (CHEERING) - Oh, and you boys. Keep your pinkies the hell away from my ladies. - (SHOUTING, LAUGHTER) - Come on, girls. This way. - (SHOUTING CONTINUES) - Come on. Pinkies? God, do you believe her? - (SIGHS) - Woo! - This is that exact same camp that was in that movie Friday the 13th, one where all those kids got murdered, dead for no reason. - Ah, relax. Everybody's nervous the first day. - Look at this shit. - OK, here's eight stamp postcards. I want you to send me one a week, so I know you're OK. - Ma, you're trying to live my whole life for me. - How can you say that? - These cards are already written. - No talking after lights out, Barry. - I'm Larry, Dad. He's Barry. - Oh, sorry, son. And be sure to eat everything on your plate, Larry. - I'm Barry, Mom. He's Larry. - Oh, sorry, son. Remember to be a good sport, Barry. - I'm Larry, Dad. - I'm not your father, Barry. I'm your mother. - I'm not Barry! - I'm Barry, Mom. - Not your mother, Larry. I'm your father. - I'm not Larry. - He's not your father. - I'm gonna miss you, Damian. - I'll miss you more, Susie. Can I have something to remember you by? - I don't want you smoking pot. - Ma, I might just experiment. - Well, don't pay for it. - (CHATTER IN DISTANCE) - (POP!) - Hey, are those alive? - No. They're stuffed. - You mean like cashews, bread crumbs, raisins. How much you want for one? - Hey! They're pets. - Psst! You need a fix? - What do you got? - What's your thing, man? - And remember, boys only want one thing. - What's wrong with that? - They never want it when you want it. (THEATRICAL MUSIC) - Woo! Right hand. - (CONTINUES SHOUTING) (MUSIC CONTINUES) That's it. Double time, young troopers. Get to those in line. Pick up that foot and those rifles. - ALL: Ha-ya! Ha-ya! - Ha-ya! - (SCREAMS) - Ha-ya! - CHILDREN: Ha-ya! - Rip them from the crotch to crown, boy, that's it. Come on. Move 'em out, trooper. - (SCREAMING) - Fine bunch of campers this year, Foxglove. - Mm-hm. Mm. - I tell you, they're naturals. You'd put a pig sticker on the end of a rifle, and a boy knows just what to do with it. (EXCLAIMS AGGRESSIVELY) - (SCREAMING) - God, I love it so. - Mm. - Let's go. - (SCREAMING) - (BOTH EXCLAIM) - Ha-ya! (CHUCKLES) Young whippersnapper. (CHUCKLES) - (SCREAMING CONTINUES IN DISTANCE) - Get outta here. He sucks. - (CHUCKLES) - (SCATTERED CHATTER) - Sally Friedman? - Here. - Tula Washington? - Lookin' at her. - Nancy Lamon? - OK, now, Cabin Six. Which one of you boys is Armand Carducci? All right, I'll repeat myself. Who's Armand Carducci? - The name's Flash. And it's the only one I answer to. - OK, Flash. I'm Giddy, uh, Coach Giddy. Uh, I'm the head counsellor here. I'm` I'm in charge here. - I got the picture. - Good. Now, we're not comfortable with trouble at Sasquatch. - So don't give me any. - I hear what you're saying. I know your reputation, Flash. There's only one thing I like about it. - Yeah. What's that? - How open are you to the concept of pugilism? - What kind of weird shit goes on around here? - Talking about boxing. It's sport, fighting with rules. - I don't do rules. - I heard you're pretty good with your hands. - Yeah. So what if I am. - Well, we've got a tradition around here. It's called Champ of the Lake. It's us against Camp Patton. Camp Patton; that's the camp across the lake. The other side there. It's sort of like a summer Golden Gloves. Now we got to fighter Boomer, he's great, but he needs a little help, Flash. He needs a sparring partner, a real two-fisted talent, somebody like you. What do you say? - Listen, Mr Coach. I'm not what you call a team player. - What if I said I'm tellin', not askin'? - Are you? - Nah. - So then why don't you back off my case, huh? I don't do volunteer work. You want to give me Cabin Six? I'll take it. The judge says that's my sentence. That's the total picture, all right? - You know, if you change your mind... - Trade you my goalie stick for a Clark Bar. Hey, cool it, Butterball. I don't do exclusive. I gotta build up a clientele. That watch quartz? - Yeah, but my dad gave it to me. - You always get the bed by the window. - But I'm the oldest. (CHUCKLES) - Yeah. You always tell. - That's mine! - It's mine! - Who does Mom love best? - Me. - You wanted the shirt too? - (SCATTERED CHATTER) - All right, you turkeys. Shut up! - (WHISPERS) Oh my gosh. - The name's Flash. Mr Flash. And I only got one rule: don't bug me. You got that, you little twerps? If you've got a problem, tough. Don't bring it to me. I don't do problems. - Mr Flash, can we` - Hey. One more thing you should know; I don't do questions either. - (STATIC WHIZZING) - See that, Foxglove? Morons, wimps and losers. - Same as last year, sir. - (CHUCKLES) This summer, we're going to crush 'em. - That's the spirit, sir. - Was that a lisp? Did I hear a lisp, Foxglove? - A lisp, sir? - Goddamn, homo talk. - Impossible, Colonel, we're alone. - Cover my back. - Yes, sir. - (CROW CAWS) - I was seeing this guy. Real cute, but they hated his guts, and they were driving me crazy. Well, I was driving them crazy. So they decided the best thing for me was camp. You know what I mean? - Yeah, I know what you mean. - This one I just couldn't resist. What do you think? - They're really nice. - (CHUCKLES) Couldn't make up my mind. Hey, you wanna borrow one? - Do you think that'd be OK? - Oh, sure. I got tons. What about shorts? You got shorts? - Well, not exactly. - Here, try these. Oh, and this goes really cute with that. - Oh, Nancy, I couldn't. - Listen, we're sisters, right? Us against the Pinkies. Go on. - (CHUCKLES) OK, thanks. - (CROW CAWS) (WHIMSICAL SYNTH MUSIC) - You` You like me or not? - Yes, I like you. But I think we should set a good example. - FLUSTERED: Oh, well. Look, nobody knows we're here. This is a great place. (CHUCKLES) - Not like that spot last summer. - No. No, no, no. - All those kids. All those flashbulbs. - No. No, no, no. - Or that time down at the lake. - Oh, Fanny, look, snakes only come out like that once a year. - Are you sure we're alone? - Sure. Look around. (CHUCKLES) - You know, it's just getting so foggy that I think we should go back to camp. - It's not that far from here. - Oh, we'll do it some other time. (MYSTERIOUS SYNTH MUSIC) (MUSIC CONTINUES) - Mom, it's really creepy here. I want to go home. - But you'll like this camp. Sunny, you'll see. - But it's not even in our solar system. - Hey! Don't you want to earn your Earth merit badge? - Yes, Dad. Then what's to talk? - Now, Sunny, it looks like rain, so be sure to wear your little raincoat, dear. - But I don't want to wear Earth clothes. - That's nonsense, son. You're going to be just fine. You'll see. - Listen to this. Who spent 325 gemokers on English lessons for you? - You, Dad. - So kiss your mother goodbye. - Goodbye, dear. (SMOOCHES) - And be careful from the poison ivy. - OK. (MYSTERIOUS SYNTH MUSIC) (UPBEAT GUITAR MUSIC) - Hey, sis. Off the ciggies, on the vape. You're halfway there! - I know you've tried so many times to give up smoking. - And this is the one that stuck. - You're looking so good now. I can see that glow on your face and in your eyes. - Good on ya, girl! - You're a strong mana wahine. - Keep going. I'm with you all the way. - Keep up the mahi. (BOTH CHUCKLE) - Let's go. - (LAUGHS) - Quitting smoking is the best thing for your health. Vaping is way less harmful and can help you get off the smokes. * - (SCATTERED CHATTER) - (HUMS) # La, la, la-la, la. # - Good morning, Ray. - (SPITS NOISILY) - Ah, big day ahead of us, huh? - It is. - You under control in here? - But of course. - Mm-hm. - Some little adjustments maybe, heh? - Listen to me, you crazy frog. I want food we can eat. Burgers, doggies, home fries, eggs over easy. I'll go as far as French toast, but nothing ` nothing fancy. Do you know where I'm coming from? - Yes. - I don't. - (FRANTIC DOOR KNOCKING) - Come on, will ya? Open up! Come on, open up! - I'm going first. - You always go first. - Who was born first? - Me. - So give me a break, will you? - BOTH: I gotta go! - Both of you at the same time. That's sick. - What's the problem? - I think somebody died in there. - Here, take this. - Let her rip. - (WHIRRING) (WHIMSICAL SYNTH MUSIC) - (STUTTERS) What is it? - I don't know. - It sure is no pet. - Ted's right. He's afraid. - He's not the only one. - You think maybe, like, maybe he's from... - Are` Are you from space? Did you see that? Did you` I mean` Wow, it understood. - Yeah, it did. - It really did. - (DOOR SQUEAKS) - (ELECTRONIC TONE) - ALL: Wow. - That sure is a great trick. - Do you have a name? - (SQUEAKS) - Where are you from? - Me, Ted. Who are you? - Me, Ted. - what did he say? - Think he said Meathead. - Me, Ted. - Meathead? - Meathead's what he said. - Meathead. - Listen up, Meathead. We won't hurt you or anything. We're just, you know, curious. We've never seen a... something like you before. - Look, we got to go for breakfast. Do you want us to bring anything back? - Uh. Big Mac. - How does he know about Big Macs? - Think he's got a guide book. (UPBEAT MUSIC) - (LAUGHTER) - You are. - I am not. I think you should go. (MUSIC CONTINUES) - OK... - On your toes. - Come on! - All right. - Can you hurry? - Put your head back. - Hi, girls. What's happenin'? My name's Flash. What's yours? - Don't talk to him, Cheryl. He's a dork. - I'm not a dork. I'm Italian. (UPBEAT MUSIC) - Other way. - Hey, Flash. - Nah, I'm just lookin'. - Come on, come over here. Did you ever put the gloves on? - Where I come from, fighters don't have time for dressing up. Besides, I'm just lookin'. - Kick 'em high, ladies! Up, up, up. - Hey, Boomer. Boomer. This is Flash. The kid with the reputation. - Oh, yeah. Hey, Flash. - How's it goin'? - Pretty slow. - I can believe it. - What is that? Some kind of crack, Bash? - Flash. - Oh, yeah. Hey, you know, Mash, you got a pretty good sense of humour. You know what I'm going to do? I'm gonna knock it right out of your head. Wham, bam. Wham. What do you think of that? - You want to try? - Sure. I love fighting. - Put 'em on. - OK. - Kick 'em high, ladies! Up, up, up. There you go. - You take it easy. Keep your guard up, eh? Nothing fancy. - Come on. Right here, right here. Come on. You gotta do better than that, man. (FUNKY MUSIC) - That's all for today, ladies. - (GRUNTING) - (SILENCE) - (SCATTERED CHATTER) - Hey, trash. Hey, didn't anybody ever tell you boxing and broads don't mix? - That guy really is a dork. - A what? - A dork. You know, dork. - Oh yeah, sure, a dork. - Hey, like, you know, you're a pretty good fighter, Crash. - Thanks. You're not so bad yourself, Bloomer. - My name is Boomer. What are you, making fun of me again? I'm sorry. -Nancy. Will Flash always be... a dork? - (SCOFFS) You really don't know what it is, do you? Dork. You know, like in joystick. Peter? Wang? Pud? Equipment. Uh, pinky. - Oh, that's what it is. - So you did know, right? - Well, I mean, I knew it. - You ever seen one? - Sure. Lots of times. - What, you got a brother or something? - No. - A boyfriend? - Well, not really. - Well, then who? - Who what? - Whose did you see? - Oh! - Look. Come with me, and I'll show you a couple of real doozers. - Oh my God. - Try not to have a heart attack. - Oh, boy, he is really somethin'. I've seen bigger though. - You mean, they come in different sizes. - Haven't you ever seen one? Hey, guess who's never seen a` - Oh, nice going. - What'd I say? What did I say? - Whoa. I've never seen one that big before. - You've never seen one before. - Have too ` my brother. - Yeah, but he's five. - No. He's six. - You know, Tula didn't mean anything by that. It's just that` Well, you act like you've been in a convent your whole life. - Well, I haven't. It's just that... we don't discuss those sort of things. - You mean, nobody ever even talked to you about it. - You mean, S-E-X? - Don't tell me. Like, they always spelled it out? - Always. - Oh, brother. You don't know anything, do you? Come on. OK, you guys, listen up. You know, like, there was a time not so long ago, I might add, when all of us were just as deprived as Cheryl here. So I say that we got to help her. I say that we take a pledge that before camp ends,... - ...she sees a pinky. (LAUGHS) - All right! - (LAUGHTER) - Are you sure? - Yes. We're going to... - What's goin' on in here? - Nothin'. - Is that a fact? Hm! Whose` is this? No matter. It's confiscated. Just remember, ladies, that this is a cabin for proper young women. There will be no talk of pinkies. They're not play things, you know. They're weapons, dangerous weapons. Like loaded guns, they can go off when you least expect it. Do I make myself clear? - ALL: Yes, Fanny. - Good. * - (DOOR SHUTS) - Ah, what a beautiful day. You really think so, do you? Boomer. Boomer, Boomer. Boomer! - (CLASH!) - Oh, hey, Giddy is that you? I can't see; I got a canoe on my head. - I noticed (!) Boomer, please, the lake's the other way. - Oh, thanks, Giddy. - Don't mention it. - (SCREECHES PAINFULLY) Giddy! (GROANS) I'm goin` Oh, oh! - (DUCKS QUACK) - I think I got a fish in my pants. Oh no, wait. That's just me. - Oh, what's it called? - Kybo. K-Y-B-O. 'Keep Your Files Open'. They were supposed to burn them when they switched over to what we have now. - Uh-huh. - I mean, no would come here. It's totally safe. - Yeah, I can believe. - So what do you think, Meathead? - Kybo, huh? OK. That one. I like that one. - Quarter moon. - ALL: Good choice. - Thank you. Ooh, did somebody fart? Ooh. (FANFARE) - (EXCLAIMS RHYTHMICALLY) Attention! Two fingers off the bridge of the nose, young trooper. Ten-Hut! - Chief Rawhide's here to see you, sir. - (SIGHS) Is he wearin' those damn feathers? - Yes, sir. Accented by some lovely little beads. - A lisp. Goddammit, Foxglove, I heard a lisp. - I'll check into it, sir. - I hate feathers. - Bitch. - How? - Who? - Where? - Here. - What? - Rights to lake. - Ha-ha. - No acid rain,... - Good. - ...no PCBs,... - Great. - ...clear like mountain stream,... - I love it. - ...many fish,... - Mm. - ...wind surfing potential. - Ha-ha. - Good deal. - Mm. - You make fair trade. - I'm a fair guy, Chief. Honest engine. (CHORTLES) Engine. (DRUM ROLL) (FANFARE) (MAJESTIC MUSIC) - Attention! - Morning, Colonel. - You call these ankle-biters campers, Giddy. My God, it's worse than last year. It's a goddamn waste of human potential. - Listen to me, you pipsqueak, pistol-packin' package of paramilitary paranoia. - How do you say that so fast? - Uh... I-I hear what you're saying, Colonel. - Hey. Well, of course, you can hear me here; we're only six inches apart. - No, no, no, no. I mean-I mean, I respect you, obviously, your space; I know where you're comin' from. - Oh, don't give me that communication bullshit, Giddy. I'm here on a mission, and I will not be heard! You will not hear me. You` Well, I'll tell you where I'm comin' from, Giddy. I'm coming from my lake. Show him the papers, Foxglove. - Yes, sir. - It's mine. All mine from shore to shore. Men! - (SOLDIER EXCLAIMS) - Wait, the Chief sold you` But I` Wait. - (SNIGGERS) - What good is my camp without a lake? -Exactly my point, counsellor. This year's Champ Sunday is going to be your last. Foxglove! - Wait. Colonel, Colonel, please, please. Let's` Can we discuss this over lunch? - Lunch? You're nuts. We're gonna pave this place, Foxglove. We're gonna wall-to-wall concrete. We're going to flank it with howitzers, and we're going to bring a whole goddamn division T47s right here. - Relax. Relax. I can handle this. (GROANS) - (THUNDER RUMBLES) - (HOWLING) - I hope he's OK. - It was your big idea. - (ELECTRONIC BUZZ) - (YELPS) - (ALL EXCLAIM) - Oh, um` sorry, guys. It's only me. Sorry. - What are you doing here? - I came to tell you I'm OK. - Hey! What's goin' on out there? - Uh-oh. Be cool, guys. Be cool. - Sorry, Mr Flash. - Tell him you're just scared. - Just... - Scared. - ...scared. - Good. - You know, this would be a whole lot sorrier if The Flash misses out on his sleep. - BOTH: Yes, sir. - Hit the sheets. - BOTH: Whew! - Meathead, you got to start using the door around here. - You OK? - Was that close, guys, or was that close? (SIGHS) - Oh, I've seen closer. Well, maybe not that close. - (DUCKS QUACK) - (TAMBOURINES JINGLE, SCATTERED CHATTER) - What the goddamn hell is that, Foxglove? - Sounds like... tambourines. Whoa, Marcel. - (GRUNTS) - (GROANS) (SIGHS) - (JINGLING) - Colonel, what a pleasant surprise. - Don't give me that bleeding heart routine, Giddy. I want to know what those little` - Priests. - Priests. Wha` What are they doing? - Praying. - Praying? What are they praying for? - Their new home. - 'Home'? Home. What home? God's tooth, Giddy, what have you done? - Like I said, Colonel, what good's a camp with no lake? But a temple. - (EXHALES) Temple. No. No! - Yeah, I'm going back to the urban ghettos ` poverty, crime, trash, disease, honest work. - You can't do that! - I've had a lot of good years here. Wonderful kids, some success stories. I want to give something back. These people need a place to let their sheets down. - Giddy, no! You can't do it, you can't do it. You can't! These people. I hear they wipe with their bare hands. - That's just it; they don't use water. - Giddy, Giddy, look. I'll be the first to admit I've been rash. - Oh no, wait. Here comes one of 'em now. Here. - (TAMBOURINES JINGLE) - Hi. Your Excellence, come in. - Oh, Giddy. Are you out of your mind?! - Your Excellence, please shake hands with a good friend of mine, Colonel Hershey. - # I love you. # - (SHUDDERS) Get him out of here, Giddy! - (CONTINUES SINGING) - OK. Your Excellence, Your Excellence, five minutes and then we'll change the paperwork, OK? - (VOCALISES) - (JINGLING CONTINUES) - DESPERATELY: Giddy, Giddy, please. You've got to listen to me. - Part of me hears what you say, and then part of me doesn't. Jackboots and marching tunes are a thing of the past. Bare feet and mantras are taking over the country. (SINGS MANTRA) - Oh no, not you, Giddy. Now, listen. There's gotta be some way. - There's always Champ of the Lake. - Champ of the Lake. What are you talkin' about? Make sense, Giddy. - Our last fight, Colonel. How about I hold off the sale? Would you like that? - Oh, you're damn right I'd like that. - You raise the stakes on Champ of the Lake, I'll put a hold on their deal. - Raise the stakes? Sure, I'll raise 'em. Grace, Giddy, you name it. - My camp for your water rights. All or nothing. - The whole shootin' match? - Kit and caboodle. - Lock, stock and barrel? - The works. - From here to eternity? - The whole enchilada. - Dammit, I'll take it. (CHORTLES) But I'll take the whole goddamn thing. (CHEERS) Foxglove! - (DOOR SLAMS SHUT) - Hook, line and sinker. - All right, Mr Dumb John. - Yeah. - I know what this is. But what does this mean? - This one's for you. This one's for the horse you rode in on. - (HORSE WHINNIES) - (CHUCKLES) - (CLASH!) - Hey! - (WHINNIES) - Hands off that horse. It's my horse! - A-ha! I knew it would feed an army. - (GROANS) - (CHUCKLES) * - (GUNSHOTS RING) - Didn't I tell you campers no smoking? Didn't I? (EXHALES BREATHLESSLY) Didn't I? - I should hope so. Filthy habit. Colonel's expecting you. Yes, pot. (HUMS) - You called, sir? - Of course, I'm called sir; I'm a bloody colonel, aren't I? - Yes, sir. - Sergeant Paladin, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to sound off like you got up there, move out like you had a purpose, grab your squad, hit that Assault Craft, cross that lake, and neutralise this idiot with extreme prejudice. (FUNKY MUSIC) - Hey! The ancient Sasquatch Indians used to boogie to this one, and now so can you! (WARBLES) (MUSIC CONTINUES) - Um, are you gonna be OK here? - Yeah, I'll be fine. - OK. - I wanna dance. - Oh yeah? With what? - Tall, lean and mean. - There's a horse outside. Why don't you go get it? - I ain't into that sort of thing. - That's not what I heard. (MUSIC CONTINUES) - Were you talkin' about me again? Come on. Those guys are always talkin' about us. So what? So what? You wanna dance? Shit. (SLUMBERING MUSIC) - Cheryl, uh` I, uh` Can you talk? - Yes. - Oh, it just seems like you're not that heavily into conversation. - Oh, well, I'm just not used to it. With boys, I mean. - Well, you can practise on me. - OK. Flash. People, they talk, you know, and well, they say you're sort of mean. - Oh yeah? Just tell me who it is, and I'll sw` I mean, did they really say that? About me? Nah. Can't figure that out. I mean, how many mean altar boys have you met? - You're an altar boy. - Are you kidding? Me and a rabbi like this? - Rabbi? - Oh. Well, see, that's what I call him. As a matter of fact, he can't kiss nothin' unless The Flash checks it out first, like the robes and the cups and the crosses,... and shit like that. Listen, uh` you wanna get some holy water or somethin'? - OK. (TENSE MUSIC) - (CRICKETS CHIRP) (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) - WHISPERS: Yep, that's him, all right. - You want me t-t-to drop him? - Get a grip on yourself. We got orders. OK, men. Let's move out. (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) - Psst. Hey! Come here. - Hey. Who was that? - It's me, Boomer. - Oh. Hey, I'm Boomer. - (GROANING) (ROMANTIC MUSIC) - So, will you do it? - Oh, no, I mean, um` streaking's not such a big deal any more. - Uh, believe me, for some people it'd be a major deal. - So, what do I get for pulling it off? OK, you talked me into it. - Don't forget ` it's Cabin Ten. (MUSIC CONTINUES) - Come on, Fanny, I got the perfect place. (MUSIC CONTINUES) - You seen Boomer? - (DOOR OPENS) - Hi, Jamie, Fanny. You seen Boomer? - Boomer? No, he's not here. - No, he's not here. - Oh, Fanny, I'm sorry. ` (CLATTERING) - (GROANS) (FUNKY MUSIC) - OK, here you go! - (CRICKETS CHIRP) - (SQUEAKS) See. (GIGGLES) - Give me the other one. - OK, OK. (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) (PLAYFUL TENSE MUSIC) (MUSIC STOPS) - (CRICKETS CHIRP) (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) - Fanny? (MUSIC CONTINUES) - Fanny? - Jamie?! - (SCREAMS) - Ta-da! Oh, shit. - (GROANS) (YELPS) - (BOTH PANT) - (GASPS) (COMICAL ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) (SERENE MUSIC) - Hey, Meat. What you doin'? What's happenin'? - Looking for something to do. - Why the raincoat? - Oh, it's gonna rain. - Good, Meat. Be prepared. - (ELECTRONIC BUZZ) - Hey, look! - Hey, he's doin' it again. - Hey, Meathead, come on. You gotta act sort of normal around here. You can't walk through stuff or people are going to know you're, uh, different. - Yeah, you're right. You guys go ahead. I'm gonna practise walking around stuff. - So long, Meat. See ya later. - THINKS: OK. I wonder when I'm gonna get to play basketball. Use a bow and arrow. Something. Anything. # Winner What? Yeah, that's me # Winner, winner, chicken dinner # I'm a hot boy like the summertime, wrists cold like winter... # Try Domino's new family chicken deal, with three large pizzas and two sides from $33 delivered. - I remember the whole thing, um, from the train hitting my car... spinning me around. I can remember the sound of the window smashing, the metal crunching. The seatbelt was the first thing that I undone, and... it was then I realised that this pretty much saved my life. And now here I am, walking, telling the story. (CHUCKLES) Yeah. * - Hey, guys. - (ELECTRONIC BUZZ) - Uh, excuse me. - (ELECTRONIC BUZZ) - Yeah. (COUGHS) Flash. Why are you a dork? - (COUGHS) Are you for real? - Yes. Are you for real? - No, no, I'm meant` Forget it. - Flash, don't be afraid. - Me, afraid? Hey, I'm heavily into rockets and saucers and, well, creatures. You... You guys know about this` I mean, him. (COMICAL MUSIC) - Wait a second. How long has he been here? - A few weeks. - And I didn't notice? Yeah, I guess I wouldn't have. - Nobody else has either. - I don't know. - He's no trouble. - We promise we won't let him bug you. - Flash. Call me Meathead. - OK. M` Meathead. I'll take a shot. - You know, you're not such a dork, Flash. -(BIRDS CHIRP) - (EXCITED CHATTER) - Hey, Boomer. What gives? - He's going' bozo, Crash. I told him I still got a right. You, you got to stop him, Crash. They're going to hurt him worse than me. - You don't mean he's gonna` - Yeah. You gotta tell him, Flash. See, I don't need no knuckles to fight. I-I don't need no hands or feet either. You know why? Because I'm gonna beat him with my brains. That's right. I got more brains in my little finger than I do in my whole head. - Take it easy, will ya? I gotta think. - Yeah, you're lucky that way. - Look. I wanna fight. - (PANTS) What? - Champ of the Lake ` I'll take it. - Thanks, Flash. But it's my fight now. - I'm your fighter. - I thought The Flash (PANTS) don't do volunteer work. - Yeah, well, that's a fact. But sometimes a situation comes up that calls for a little of the Flash's speciality. Hey, I'm talkin' to you. - (PANTS) You? - Yeah, me. - Champ of the Lake. - Yeah. - I think I like it. - All right. - All right. - All right, Giddy! Way to go. (GROANS) - (COLONEL HERSHEY CHORTLES) - Here you go, boy. (CLICKS) Ah! (CHUCKLES) Mad Dog. Ah! Ooh. Mad Dog, Mad Dog. (CHUCKLES) Bad Mad Dog. (LAUGHS) I wonder what Giddy's got up his sleeve? We need information. - Sir? - I want a prisoner. - Yes, sir! - Not one of ours, you tank tread. One of theirs. A goddamn red-blooded Sasquatch. - Yes, sir. - (SIGHS) (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) - (WHIRRING) (WHIRRING CONTINUES) (HAUNTING MUSIC) - WHISPERS: Hey, Flash. - What do you want? - Listen, I feel sort of funny about doing this. - Doing what? - Cheryl would kill me. - What for? - But I'm doing it for her. - For sure. What are you doin'? - Well, she wondered if, you` Oh, I shouldn't. - Yeah, she wondered what? - If you'd go skinny dipping tonight? - Me? - I knew I shouldn't. - Me and her. - Yeah. Alone. Tonight. Down by the cove. - OK. Tell her I'll meet her there. (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) - Tonight? - The shooting stars. He wants you to watch with him. - Stars? - You know, like the Big Dipper and stuff like that. - LOUDLY: The Big Dipper? - (SHUSHING) - Now, remember, men. This is not an ordinary mission. This is the mission. You all got your cyanide capsules? All right, now, you people are the finest counterinsurgency team I've ever trained here at Patton. I don't want you screwing it up. You read me? - Yes, sir! - Move it out! I want you to go to those Sasquatch creeps, like crap through a goose. By God, you pull this off, and there'll be ice cream for dessert tomorrow! (CHORTLES) (WHIMSICAL MUSIC) - (SHUSHING, GIGGLING) - Hey, great night for shooting stars. - Yeah, and the` shooting moons. - Well, where do you ever see shooting moon? - (LAUGHS) Mostly out of car windows. - (SIGHS) - (SHUSHING, GIGGLING) - HUSHED: Go! (PEACEFUL MUSIC) - Hi. - Hi. - (SIGHS) - I'm glad you came. - Well, I didn't want to miss it. - Me neither. - (GIGGLES) - What's happenin' down there? - Shh. You want 'em to hear us? - It's all new to me, you know? - Yeah, I kind of guessed that. - Do you mind explaining as we go? - Sure, no problem. - Oh, good. - This is called 'first base'. - Where? I don't see it. Sorry. Look, I thought I was gonna see the Big Dipper. - Yeah, we'll get to that. - But where is it? - Oh my God. - (ALL GIGGLE) - (HOWLING) - OK, this is it. It's a nice spot, really secluded. - Are you sure it's safe? - (SCOFFS) Does a bear shit in the woods? (DRAMATIC MUSIC) - You ready? - For what? - To go in the water. - The water? Can you see better from the water? - Absolutely. - You go over there, and I'll go over here. And I'll meet ya in the water. - OK... I trust you, Flash. - (ALL WHISPER) - Water? - Shh! - (GROANS) - (SQUEALS) What is this? (SQUEALS) What is that? - It's my compass; it always points north. (TENSION-BUILDING MUSIC) - Boy, what a show. - What's he doin'? - He just dropped his drawers. (LAUGHS) (MUSIC CONTINUES) - Did you hear somethin'? - (GASPS SENSUALLY) - How can you see better from the water? (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) - (SNIFFS) - Flash? - Stop pushing me. - Stop shoving me, and I'll stop pushing you. - (GROANS) - (SQUEALS) - EXHALES: Fanny. - (SQUEALS) It feels like a- a ro- A rock. - Oh. (SIGHS) It is a rock. (LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC) - (SNIFFS) - Flash, is that you? - What the` - Flash? - (GROWLS) (TENSE MUSIC) - (SCREAMS) - It's a bea` - (SCREAMING) (TENSE MUSIC BUILDS) - (SCREAMS) - (GASPS) What` Wha` - (GIRLS SCREAM) - (WHINES) - Uh, maybe we should find a new place. (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) (UPBEAT GUITAR MUSIC) - Hey, sis. Off the ciggies, on the vape. You're halfway there! - I know you've tried so many times to give up smoking. - And this is the one that stuck. - You're looking so good now. I can see that glow on your face and in your eyes. - Good on ya, girl! - You're a strong mana wahine. - Keep going. I'm with you all the way. - Keep up the mahi. (BOTH CHUCKLE) - Let's go. - (LAUGHS) - Quitting smoking is the best thing for your health. Vaping is way less harmful and can help you get off the smokes. - I was T-boned by a truck on my left-hand side, 200m from my house. I broke my back in three places, all my ribs on my left-hand side, five of them on my right-hand side. I spent 10 days in a coma. I actually woke up the day before my daughter was actually born. * - (SCATTERED CHATTER) - (CHEERING) - Hi. - Hi. Have you seen Flash anywhere? - No, not since last night. - Ah, hey! - (HECKLING) - Hey, Flash... - Boo! - Boo. - (SCATTERED CHATTER) - (MAD DOG GROWLS) - (LAUGHS) He's ready, fellas. He's ready, aren't you, big fella? (LAUGHS) - (ROARS) - (HECKLING) - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - Where is he? - Are you ready? (CHORTLES) - Where'd he go? Where is he? - (CACKLES) Hey, Giddy. (CHORTLES) - (LAUGHS) - Come here. (LAUGHS) I want you to meet Mad Dog. (CACKLES) - (YELLS AGGRESSIVELY) - Where's your boy? - (CLEARS THROAT) - He'll be along any time now. - Oh, sure. Oh, sure. - (SCATTERED CHATTER) - (CHATTER QUIETENS) - (GIGGLING) - (WHISTLING) - WHISPERS: That's my dress. - (GROWLS) - Easy, easy. Easy. - Flash look pretty. - Put 'em on. - (CHEERING) - Where you been? Some kind of private party? - Who am I fightin'? - It. - GROWLS: Oh, you're dead. - Yeah. - You're dead. - Why is he wearing that? - I don't know. - GIRL: You're looking good, Flash! - All right, listen up. Now, it's going to be a fair fight. Throw any weird punches, and I'll be forced to get physical with you. - (GROWLS) - (GROWLS) Any questions? All right, shake hands. - OK. - ALL CHANT: Flash, Flash, Flash. - (DING!) - (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) - Get mad, Mad Dog! Come on. Kill, kill, kill. - (CHEERING, HECKLING) - Get it. - (GRUNTS) - (CHEERING ERUPTS) - What are you doin'? - Disgusting! - Flash! - (GRUNTS) - Get off of me, you fruity fool of a man. - Make war, not love. - (GASPING, HECKLING) - All right, Flash. Come on! - (MAD DOG GRUNTS) - Flash, look out! - (GRUNTS) - (CROWD ERUPTS) - You all right? Stay away from him. - I'm stayin'. - Keep moving. - (GROWLS) - (GRUNTS) - (CROWD SCREAMS) - (EXCLAIMS AGGRESSIVELY) Come on. Get back in here. Come on! Get in here. Gotta kill you. Come on! - Yeah, you little fruit. Get on back in there! Take your medicine. (CACKLES) - (CHEERING) - (CROWD WHISTLES, CHEERING) - One, two, three, four, five. - (DING!) - (CHEERING) - (HECKLING) - Look here, Mad Dog. I want you to stop fartin' around now and put him away, you hear me? I want you to get mad, get mad. Get mad, Mad Dog. Good boy, good boy. (COOS) Yes. Good boy. - DAZED: Where am I? - Eh, come on, come on, man. - Hey, Boomer. - Uh, Fanny? I know a place. Please. I got it all figured out. - Whatever you have got figured out does not include me. - Fanny, please. I love them. - Them?! - Uh` I mean, you. - (SCATTERED CHATTER, CHEERING) - (MAD DOG GROWLS) - (DING!) - (CHEERING) - Jab, jab, jab! - (GRUNTS) - GIRL: Keep on him. - (GRUNTS) - That's it. Move, move, move! - In the labonza! - (CROWD GASPS) - (WHISTLING) - (COLONEL HERSHEY CACKLES) - Do you think he'll get up? - REFEREE: One. Two. Three. - GIRL: Flash! - Come on, Flash. Get up! - Yeah, come on, Flash! - (WHIMSICAL SYNTH MUSIC) - (EXHALES) Wow. - Come on! - Wha` - GIRL: Come on, Flash! - Attaboy, Flash. - Come on, Mad Dog. Sic him! - All right, Mad Dog! - (MAN CACKLES) (WHIMSICAL SYNTH MUSIC) - God, he really is a fairy. - What's goin' on? (MAJESTIC MUSIC) - You didn't tell us he could fly. (WHIMSICAL MUSIC) - (CROWD SHOUTS) (MUSIC CONTINUES) - (GRUNTS) - (CHEERING) - Come on, Flash. Come on. - Come on! Come on! Get off. (GRUNTS) - All right! - Hey, Giddy. How come you never taught me that? - Come on, big boy. What you gonna do now, eh? Come on, come on. - Hey! Get down from there. Hey, ref! - GROWLS: Get outta here. - That's against the rules. - Don't you dare tear that dress, buddy. - Come down from there! - (CHEERING, WHISTLING) - Hi, Cheryl. What's happenin'? - (BOTH GIGGLE) - Ref, get him down. Get him down and tell him no flying. It's against the rules of war. No flying! Get him down! Foul. Foul. Get him down. Get him down. - (CROWD ERUPTS) - Aliens. (GRUNTS ANGRILY) (TENSE MUSIC) - (GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) - Oh! - REFEREE: One. Two. Three. Four. (TENSE ELECTRONIC MUSIC) - (YELPS) Hey. Hey. Hey. (YELPS) (TENSE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) - (YELPS FEARFULLY) - (BOOM!) - Flash, Flash. Cover up. - (GRUNTS) - Hey, Ref! - (CHEERING) - Woo! - CROWD: Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. - (CROWD ERUPTS) - (WHISTLING, APPLAUSE) - He could do it. I knew it. - (BELL RINGS) - (ALL GASP) - Now, that is what you call a pinky. - (LAUGHTER, SCATTERED CHATTER) - No wonder they call him Flash. - (GROANS PAINFULLY) Giddy. Be reasonable. What good is a camp without a lake? - Colonel, I'm sensitive to you needs, but a deal's a deal. - OK. Hold it. I hear where you're coming from, Giddy ` but I've ordered a submarine for next year. - Colonel, you really have to refocus your energies. Now, look, this winter, I'm offering a workshop ` new directions and lifestyle orientation. - You can't do this to me! Giddy! I'm warning you, I'll be back! Next summer, Giddy, I'll... (SHOUTS MUFFLED) - (ENGINE REVS FADE) - So, you like your president, Meathead? - Oh, yes, Steve. It's really great. - Hello. Anybody home? (MYSTERIOUS SYNTH MUSIC) - Hey, Meathead. They're here. - Well, goodbye, guys. - Nice knowing you, Meathead. - Bye, Meathead. - ALL: Goodbye, Meathead. - Come on, Meathead! - EXASPERATEDLY: Meathead. - Meathead. - Oh, I know. Mm. - (ELECTRONIC BUZZ) - Well, as we say at home, kookdabye moolas. - Now, Mr I-Don't-Want-To-Go-To-Summer-Camp. Did you have a good time? - Oh, I was really great, Dad. Did you have a good trip? - Ah, the usual. Comets made the ride space junk. It's a mess out there. - Sorry, Dad. Where's Mom? - She making a big fuss over you. She make your favourite: hot genifkenabs. - Bye, Meathead. - ALL: Bye, Meathead. - So long. - (HORN TOOTS) - (SCATTERED CHATTER) - I was looking for you after the fight. - Yeah, well, I was kind of embarrassed. - (SIGHS) You've got nothing to be embarrassed about. Come here. I want to give you something. - What? - Will you visit me? - Sure. But what can we do at your house? - There's a pool out back. It's a good place to see the Big Dipper. - Sounds good to me. - Yeah. (KEN HARRISON'S 'WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THE SUMMER') - # We've been waitin' for the summer all year long, # waitin' for the summer to sing this song. # Got the swimmin' and the women and the fun and in the sun,... # - Boomer! Boomer, the camp is this way. Boomer! # We've been patient for the summer and now the waiting's done. (ELECTRONIC SYNTH MUSIC) - MEATHEAD'S DAD: On your shirt there, what means this 'Meathead'? - MEATHEAD: Huh, beats me, Dad. - So, Meathead. You and momma want to stop off at the Crab Nebula for some seafood? - # We've been waitin' for the summer all year long, # waitin' for the summer to sing this song. # Got the swimmin' and the women and the fun and in the sun, and in the sun. # We've been waitin' for the summer to get unstressed # from the grindin' and examin', gotta take a rest. # We've been patient for the summer and now the waiting's done. # We gonna play. # We gonna dance... - # ...the days away. # - # Right when the summer... - # ...stars come out, # - # we're gonna do what it's all about. # We've been waitin' for the summer to hit the beach... # # No more apples for the teacher. Gonna eat a peach. # Get the sunshine cheer, cos the super fine summer is here. # (ELECTRIC GUITAR SOLO) Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2021