(soft orchestral music) Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Able 2021 (intense electronic music) (music continues) (epic orchestral music) (tyres squeal) -God, do I hate Paris. -Well, not to worry. Probably won't be around much longer. (action music) (thunder rumbles) (alarm buzzes) MAN: I've been waiting a long time for this. I guess wh-what I'm trying to say is: -Lisa, will you mar...? -H: Bonjour. (wind whistles) We're with Tower security. -Uh, we're terribly sorry, but you're not supposed to be here. -Sorry. -Sorry. -(thunder rumbles overhead) -So, she say yes? -I haven't asked yet. -He hasn't asked yet. Oh, well, that's-that's a terrible shame, isn't it? Because, you see, that blinking light back there means there's been a breach in Portal Two. Which means, in just a few minutes, the most vile creatures in the entire universe, the Hive, are gonna consume every last one of us from the inside out. -I-I don't understand. All will be explained if you look right... -here. -(neuralyzer whirring) The Tower was closed for repairs. (whispers) Ask her on the way down. HIGH T: This way, please. Thank you. -(sirens wail in distance) -Mind the gap. Right. Shall we? -Let's do this. (loud whooshing) (grunts) (grunts) (groans) panting: Hey, guys. -MAN: Who the hell are you? -(neuralyzer whirring) Ask her again down on the ground. (grunts) -Whew. -Ah, there you are. Yeah. All right. Let's try this again, shall we? (alarm continues buzzing) So, what's the play here? -HIGH T: We've been in this situation before. H: (chuckles) Yeah, we've never faced the Hive before. -They've never faced us. Always remember: The universe has a way of leading you to where you're supposed to be at the moment you're supposed to be there. Yeah, well, sometimes the universe gets it wrong. -(heavy clanking, rumbling) -(dramatic music) (creatures shrieking) (creature growls) -(crickets chirping) -(distant siren wails) MAN (on TV in other room): We tried that, remember? Now, you're in the best possible position you can be in. So, what's the matter? Your shoes on too tight or something? (reciting lines along with TV): "Let's have some action. "I want some asses wiggling. I want some perfection." -(cackles) -(imitates cackle) (clattering) Get my three-wood. -Come on. Let's go. -Okay, okay. -Careful. -(music plays over TV) (clattering) -(Harold screams) -(creature shrieks) HAROLD: Oh, my God! -Oh, my-- uh, babe. -What? Uh... that wasn't no animal, okay? It was a... it was a... I ain't never seen nothing like that before. It's a... it was like a creature. -(hisses) -What? Harold, call the police. -The who? -The police. Call the police! (tires squealing outside) -(dialing) -(doorbell rings) That was fast. MAN: Good evening, folks. We're from animal control. You say you saw something? HAROLD: Yeah. W-We haven't even called you yet. MOM: Are we in any danger? D-Does it have, like, rabies? HAROLD: Whatever that was, it wasn't like a regular animal. -It was like a... -MAN: Yes, sir, the creature you saw was an unlicensed Tarantian from Andromeda Two. Very rare, very dangerous. -MOM: I'm sorry, what? -A Tarantian, ma'am. No, I know. He looks cute now. -Tarantian? -But when these things hit puberty, they turn into real monsters. -(Tarantian squeals) -(gasps, pants) (toy squeaks) (whimpers) (whimpers) (shushes) Don't be scared. It's okay. MAN: Tell me, is there anyone else in the house? MOM: Just our daughter. She's sleeping. (neuralyzer whirring) MAN: A raccoon. Yeah, that's your problem, folks. So, just go ahead and make sure those trash can lids are on nice and tight, and, uh, we were never here. MOM: Maybe we should go check on Molly. (gasps) (whispers): We've got to get you out of here. (engine revs, car speeds away) Come on. (chatters) (whines) It's okay. I'm your friend. I'm Molly. -(chitters) -Go on. -Molly. Kabla nakshulin. (chitters) Kabla nakshulin. MAN: Well, Molly, you've scored excellent or above in every area. Fitness, deductive reasoning, logic, weapons training. Just one problem. You, uh, didn't check a box. For your preferred division. Everyone has to check a box. Hmm. Yeah, I made my own box for the division that has no box. You know, the division where they wear black suits and deal with the guys from... (clicks tongue) ...up there. You mean Accounting? No, like... (strained grunt) Yeah, still... (strained grunt) Accounting. (chuckles) (distant siren wails) MAN: That should fix the glitch. -And remember: We Care. -You're good to go. -And just remember: We Care. -(phones ringing) (man snores) Look for the icon marked "advanced extensions." -WOMAN (over phone): Ok-Okay. -Click on it. Um, which icon? Which one? There's a bunch... 13th icon from the left. -Whose left? -Your left. -(laughs): Oh, sorry. -I got it now. -Okay, got it? -Okay, um... yeah, I got it. -(computer beeping) -Perfect. Um, are you still there? -(Molly gasps) -Hello? Help me. What's going on? -Oh, no. Nothing. Let me just run a little diagnostic on my end, and I will be right back to you. -Oh. MOLLY: No, no, no. It won't take long. Not long at all. Okay. -(typing) What the f...? (grunts) -This is perplexing. -ETHAN: Is it...? Is it... whispers: A-L-I-E-N-S? I don't know why you always insist on whispering and spelling that. Finally decided to show up, huh? (computer beeping) Oh, my God. All I have to do is figure out trajectory, and I am in. I'm back. -(over phone): Hi. -Okay, try this. -Uh-huh. Okay. All right. -Unplug it, plug it back in, -and remember: We Care. -(stammers) Hello? (exhales sharply) I have to go. (sighs) Jimmy's coming back to get the kids. -Yes. (tense music) Okay. Let's see where you are now. AUTOMATED MALE VOICE: Welcome back, Professor Armitage. -(computer beeping) -(Molly gasps) MOLLY: Oh, you tricky one. I don't think you're a meteor after all, are you? Nope, I think you are an unauthorized landing. (mouse clicks) (gasps) This is it. It's all happening. -See you soon, Jimmy. -(door opens) (door closes) (reflective brass music) MOLLY: Right here, right here. -(tyres squeal) -Right... here. -Hey, hey. -Hey. Please keep the meter running. (pants) I'll pay you extra. -Wha...? (groans) (phone beeps) (beeping continues faster) (rapid beeping) (beeping stops) -(pigeons coo) -(distant siren wails) (electronic thumping) (orchestral music builds) (breathes heavily) (music intensifies) (electronic thump, buzzing) (gasps) (gasps) MAN: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, Jimmy. What are you doing back on Earth? JIMMY: Whoa. Hey, this is... this is Earth? -My bad, guys. Come on. -Tell it to O back at HQ. JIMMY: Look, I just want to see my kids. Come on. Get this ship out of here. -Got it. I'll escort our Zamporan friend back. (engine starts) (panting) -Don't lose them. -DRIVER: What? -I'm on it. On it. -Go, go, go! Go! (curious music) Hey, did they bring in that Zamporan yet? Came in a couple of minutes ahead of you. The guy tried to sneak in behind a Perseid meteor shower. Amateur hour. Am I right? -Right as rain. -Rain don't lie. -(elevator bell dings) Sheesh, talk about amateur hour. Hey, you gonna call this in or what? (radio static crackles) Code Black. (triumphant music) -(alarm buzzes) -(gasps) AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE: Unauthorized visitor. Lockdown protocol engaged in three, two, one. (gasps) - Laters. (CHUCKLES) - Oh, OK, see ya. - I'll catch ya later. (CHATTER) (CAR ALARM CHIRPS) (INTRIGUING MUSIC) (LOCK THUDS) - Oh. (INTENSE MUSIC) (CAR THUDS) (HORN BLARES) (LIGHTS CLICK OFF) (POLICE RADIO CHATTER) (LIGHTS CLICK OFF) (METAL CRUNCHES) (POLICE RADIO CHATTER) - (GASPS) ` Oh no. Oh no. - (HORSE WHINNIES) (KEYS CLATTER) (LIGHTS CLICK OFF) (INTENSE MUSIC) (CHUCKLES) - MAN: Good night? - Yeah, good as night. So, a random civilian simply waltzes in off the high street. I don't think so. Neuralyze her. -(whirrs) -No, no, no. Don't. I know what that thing is. Please. -O: Hang on. Hang on. She had an experience. It erased my parents' memories, but it didn't take mine. So my whole life, everyone's called me crazy. They said that I needed therapy, which, okay, admittedly, I did, but not for this. Did she really hack into the Hubble Telescope to look at Andromeda Two, and we didn't catch her? In the old days, we'd have hired her. It took me 20 years to find you, plus or minus. How many people can say that? I found you. (lock clunks) So, you found us. You proved you're not crazy. You win the "I'm Not Crazy" badge. Now what? -I want in. -We don't hire. We recruit. -Then I'd like to be recruited. I'm going to need more, but... would you mind giving me one good reason? Because I'm smart. I'm motivated. I look good in black. I'm... Boring me. Because I have absolutely no life whatsoever. I have nothing. I have no dog, no cat, definitely no chill. I have nothing that I couldn't happily walk away from, which makes me perfect for this job. Well, you're certainly suitably tragic. No love? No relationships? They just distract you from what's important. Oh, really? And what's important? The truth of the universe. I want to know everything. I want to know how it all works. You really think a black suit is going to solve all your problems? Mm, no, but... it looks damn good on you. That's true. (taking deep breaths) ("Bubblin'" by Anderson .Paak playing) O: From this moment, you will conform to the identity we give you. You will dress only in MIB Special Services attire. You have been trained in the use of MIB-sanctioned technology, vehicles and weaponry. Mm-mm. O: You will not stand out in any way. You are no longer part of the system. # One in the hand, one in the bag, bubblin'... # You do not exist. Check, please. O: We are above the system. Over it, beyond it. We are them. We are they. We are the Men in Black. -The "Men" in Black? Don't. Don't start. I've had the conversation. And they don't seem to be able to let it go. It's a... it's a process. Attachment issue, I think. There's your first assignment. (sighs) Okay. When do I get my, uh...? (makes buzzing sound) It's called a neuralyzer, and you don't just get it. You earn it. You've been accepted for a probationary period. Impress me, and we'll see about the... (makes buzzing sound) -Okay. -Mm. You're a fan of the truth, aren't you, Agent M? -I like it. -Mm. I think we may have a problem in London. (bells chiming melodically) (coughing) Wow, that is smooth. Let's keep 'em coming, shall we? Another round. (gasps) So, can I just say how much I'm liking this place? You know, it's formal but not too stuffy. Uh, classic but still kind of stylish. Makes it a very "Eyes Wide Shut" kind of vibe. -(hissing) chuckles: I'm kidding. -Sort of. (chuckles) -(rattling) (snarls, hisses) Ooh. (laughs) Or is it mostly just the lethal high-stakes gambling? Thank you very much. chuckles: Would you look at that? Straight to the ace, gentlemen. That's me again. Well, let's talk business, shall we? I can move this stuff. So who do I speak with about getting a whole lot more of it? Because I'm in. You're not. You see, I have a very strict "no Men in Black" policy. (coughs) Oh, God. I don't blame you. Who'd want those assholes coming in here? Men in Black. The Morons in Black, if you ask me. (chuckles) What a bunch of dicks. Am I right? All it takes is one bad apple to spoil any environment... (chokes) (grunts) Stop it, guys. (hissing, snarling) (screams) (groans) I am MIB, you Cerulian scum. (pants) And FYI, your little club here sucks. Now you're gonna give me everything: suppliers, sellers, your whole network. -(creature strikes) -(H grunts) -(hisses) -(groans) (laughs) Your luck run out. You're already dead. -Only one person here has the antidote. -(gasps) Emily, sweetheart. -(H yells in pain) -(chuckles) (coughs) -(hisses) -(yells) (groans) gasps: Please, I'll... I'll give you whatever you want. Please. Anything you want. Anything I want? (gasps weakly) (exhales) * (snores) (suction cups popping) (tentative music) WOMAN (over P.A.): The express train to London has arrived. With continuing service to Paris, Stockholm, -Milan, Rome, Madrid. -(train brakes squealing) Caught him in the locker room. I knew that kid was neuralyzing himself. I told him, "Do that too much, and you'll go blind." -(laughs) -Right? Who could go for a nosh? -I'd like a nice pastrami sandwich. -(bell chimes) -With lots of melted cheese, too. -(pants, sighs) (grunts, whimpers) (beeping, whirring) (gasps quietly) (thumping, whirring) (whooshes) (gasps) (anticipatory music) WOMAN (over P.A.): Now arriving ` express train from New York. Last call for Flight 2112 to the Cat's Eye Nebula. (conversation in alien language) (squawking, chittering) -(phone rings) -(speaks alien language) (woman makes announcement in Mandarin) AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE: Welcome, Agent M. Please report to New Agent Orientation. (sighs) (beeping) Access granted, Agent M. (indistinct chatter) (chirping, buzzing) WOMAN (over P.A.): ...every hour from gate 12. (quiet chatter in alien language) -Excuse me, ma'am. -(grunts, gasps) -It's never who you think it is. -Oh, no. That one makes sense. So, you're the one who found us. -Yes, I am. -I'm T. High T. -Oh, yeah. You're, uh... -I run this little circus. -Yeah. (chuckles) Welcome, M. - nervously: It's nice to meet you, sir. O told me to expect some great things. And great things shall you get. -Good. -(alien yelps) -Right through there. (alien chitters) -Hi, you. -AGENT: W-Wait, wait, wait! -Don't touch him! -(squeaky chittering) Oh, oh, oh, God. -Uh... Oh. -(frantic chatter) (busy chatter nearby) (sighs) (upbeat Moroccan music playing) (upbeat Moroccan music continues) (hums along to music) (music stops, static droning) (electrical buzzing) (high-pitched whirring) -(metallic screeching) -(electrical buzzing) -(speaks in French) (mop thuds on floor) -(speaks in French) -(muttering in French) -(crickets chirp) (grunts) "Change it, change it." (mutters) (lights buzz) (ominous music) -(buzzing) -(exhales sharply) All right, buddy. A'ight. Drink this. (crackling) (snaps fingers rhythmically) -(whooshing) -(shrieking) (grunts rapidly) (ominous music continues) (sizzling) (whooshing, crackling) (lights buzzing) (suspenseful music) (lights buzz) (light pops) Oh, careful. You break it, you buy it. (sighs) Keep it. Keep it. On me. -We need to see the queen. -Yes. (heavy whirring, clanking) (aliens chatter) -(alien whistles) -ALIEN: Uh-oh. -(chatter stops) -You have visitors. -State your business with the queen. -We need someone to die. As clearly stated in section 6C of the Treaty of Andromeda Two, we do not kill Jababians nor participate in the murder thereof. This is non-negotiable. (explosive whooshing) (CLEARS THROAT) Whether you're a renter, owner, beginner or DIY winner, rolling in cash or tighter than a stuck window sash, needs nails, snazzy towel rails, or a heater to make your outdoors sweeter, we've got the range, low prices and local advices to do whatever your job is. Super nice as. Anyways, I'm a builder, not a poet - not that you'd know it. So come on in and we'll show you how to dough it. (MUTTERS) "Dough it..." (ALL LAUGH) Thank you. Big range, low price, local advice - nice! ("I Got You" by Mike Sabath) # Hear the sound, every word coming out of your mouth # # Yo, I got a little information... # -(tires squealing) -(horn honking) Oi! Morning. I'm in the market for a useless, old, broken-down machine. What do you got? You're not gonna get a rise out of me, H. It's the Imperial with the red tab. -Do try to keep up. -(bell dings) -(door whooshes open) -Thank you, Charlie. GUY: That's the old portal depot. Site of the First Great Alien Migration. MOLLY: Wait, so Eiffel was an MIB agent? -One of the first. He helped so many intergalactic refugees seeking protection here on Earth. If you look closely, you can see my grandma and my grandpa in that picture. So beautiful. FEMALE BARISTA: Here you are, dear. -Thank you. (swoony music) (whirring) (audio slowing, distorting) (slowed, distorted): What's up with that guy? -(whirring) -(audio rewinding) (audio slowing, distorting) -Nerlene! -Oh! -(audio continues normally) NERLENE: Sorry. He's just so yummy. -Who is he? -H. -Only the best agent in the building. -(Nerlene sighs) He saved the world once with nothing but his wits -and a Series-7 De-Atomizer. -(Nerlene sighs) He saved the world? From what? -The Hive. -(whispers): The Hive. Hey, Guy. Do me a favour. Handle my calls. -Oh, love to. Where are you going? To do some homework. HIGH T: An awful, terrible incident in Marrakesh. The North Africa office is investigating. And in other business, H has decided to grace us with his presence after all. Apologies, sir. I was working late. -Morning, everyone. -C: So was I, actually. Cleaning up after your mess, so thank you for that. Oh, no, it's just... you should've seen the mess I was cleaning up this morning. C: It was a totally unsanctioned op, sir, requiring two containment units and a full neuralyzer squad. -H: A-About that, right, I-I'd prefer to look at this from a macro point of view, not get bogged down in the details. The bad guy's dead, so, you know... -Take a seat, please. -Yes, sir. -One last item. A member of the Jababian royal family has a layover on his way to Centaurus A. -Vungus the Ugly. -(mouthing) Inherited the title. Believe it or not, Vungus here is the looker in the crowd. Well, holograms always add ten pounds. HIGH T: Jababian society doesn't allow for certain indiscretions. In short, he wants to be shown a good time. We could say no, but Jababian mining vessels would grind us into galactic dust. Hmm. Some irony there, sir, if you think that we used to, uh, protect the Earth from the scum of the universe. Now it seems we're protecting the scum. Actually, that's why it would be right up your street. Your cup of tea, H. -(laughs) Well, I know Vungus. He doesn't really drink tea. He prefers vodka, tequila, hand sanitizer, sometimes all at once. This one time, we woke up in Bangkok handcuffed to a horse. -What? -H. Pipe down. -What? Sorry. Yes. Sincere apologies. You will be his chaperone. In fact, he specifically asked for you. Okay, absolutely, though hopefully we don't end up handcuffed to a horse again. -(H laughing) -HIGH T: Please. * -Home by midnight. -Good boy. If you will. -"Good boy. If you will." -"Good man," I think he said. -Keep Daddy happy, yeah. -Yeah. We're like this. -You look after Papi so well. -Oh, you're so jealous, aren't you? -Papi's little fancy boy. -You wish you had a Papi. (busy chatter) (snores) MOLLY: Uh... (clears throat) Hello. -(yells) -Whoo! Oops. -Sorry. -(clears throat) Hi. (grunts) Hey. Nope, I'm awake. It's all right. Just catching up on my daily meditation. I have been meaning to try that. I read that it dramatically improves mitochondrial energy production. Yep, yep. No, it-it absolutely does. My mitochondrial energy is, uh, through the roof. Um, have we met before? -No. Agent M. I heard you were on the Vungus meet tonight, and I wanted to offer my assistance. I'm a bit of a Jababian wonk. Language, culture, politics, fashion. Um, anyways, I compiled a dossier for you to read. Oh, a dossier. I love a good dossier. Um, the thing is, uh... Ask around. I work alone, yeah. Ask anyone around here. Did you know that Jababians are claircognizant empaths, which means that they can basically read your mind? -Oh, and your cards. -Oh. -Well, they do have a tell. -What's that? Subdermal spots on the underside of their arms -change colour. -Mm. Good to know. But, um, thank you for your offer. I'm good. -Okay. Message understood. I will leave you to your... meditation. (chuckles) Thank you. Oh. Do you know what your tell is? You snore when you meditate. Actually, on second thought, maybe I could use some backup. (dramatic music builds) (lively chatter and laughter) So, I was thinking, for the op, I can take the perimeter, and you make the approach to Vungus. -Ah, yes, good. -Okay. -Um, the thing is, all right, with this particular club, everybody just wants to kind of do their own thing, you know? The aliens want to look like humans, humans want to look like aliens, so we may need to loosen up a little bit. Maybe... maybe lose the tie first, yeah? Pop a couple of buttons and not look so, uh, stiff. (chuckles) We don't want to advertise our current profession, -if you know what I mean, yeah? -Mm-hmm. "Look, it's the Men in Black. Aliens, get down!" -We don't want to do that. -Yeah, I get it. -Got it? Yeah? Good. -(clears throat) Great. Perfect. How about me? How do I look? (laughs) I would just, uh... Do you mind if I...? -What? -Coming in. I think it's a fine line between club casual and the saddest man on Earth. -Thank you. -Mm-hmm. -Yeah. Shall we? -I thought that we were here. -We are. Entrance for special guests. (engine starts) (Molly sighs) Step on it, would you, Freddie? -You got it, H. -(engine revving) (Molly gasping) (yelps) Yeah, okay. Wasn't expecting that. -(festive chatter) -(dance music playing) -The Vungus Among Us! -H-Bomb! -V-Go! V-Go! -Yeah, yeah! Yeah! (laughs) Look at you. You've lost weight. What have you done to your hair? You've changed it. It looks fantastic. -Oh, I... (chuckles) -I barely recognize you. Sorry. M, this is Vungus. Vungus, M. Hello, M. (kisses loudly) -So nice to meet you. -Mm. -I've heard a lot about you. -Highly redacted, of course. Mm. (speaking Jababian) (chuckles) H: Such a charmer. He says... he thinks you're hot. -He thinks I'm what, sorry? -(laughs) -H: It's a rough translation, of course. -Mm. Ah! Probably works better on Ja-Jababia, but you know that, since you speak fluent Jababian. Oh. Of course. (chuckles) I was just trying to find the words to articulate how incredibly eye-catching you yourself are. -Eh? Oh... (chuckles) -H: Well, that he is. M here knows everything there is to know about Jababia. Well, I wouldn't say "everything." There's always more to learn. -It's like a fetish. (laughs) Okay, that implies something sexual, and it's definitely not. -No, it is. It's always like, "Oh, Jababia this, Jababia that, Jababia, Jababia, Jababia!" Yeah, baby! (imitates whip cracking) H: See? I knew the two of you would hit it off. Have a dance, okay? M loves to dance. She's a wonderful dancer. I'll get us some drinks. You're still a vodka cranberry guy? -You know it. -laughs: Okay. Okay. M, please. Come, sit next to Vungus. I promise I don't bite. -Okay, just give me one sec. -Let's get, uh, some-- four vodka cranberries. It's all right. I'll get this one. Put it on the company card. Little tip: Expense everything. Hey, quick question, no big deal. Are you, uh, pimping me out to Vungus? What? No. What the hell would give you that... impression? (grunts) Hello. (laughs) -MOLLY: Oh, I don't know. -That? -Oh. Well... better not look at that. Hey, if you want to use me as alien bait, just let me know next time, okay? I don't like to be lied to. -Oh, really? What, like, uh, pretending to be an expert in something you're not? In case you haven't noticed, we're in the lying business. -Are we? -Jababians are prickly. We want them to be happy, okay? So they don't destroy our planet and everything on it. And that is the mission. If you're not down with the mission... -I'm down with the mission, but I'm not fornicating with the Jababian. -That's not what I asked you to do. # Where nobody can reach us # # There's no need to take your phone... # -So, how long you here for, buddy? -Vungus go home tomorrow. -Tomorrow? -Mm. H: Well, we better make it a good one, huh? VUNGUS: I came to talk, H. We need to speak. -(scoffs) Talky, shmalky. -Come on, I want to see you dance. -Come on. Come on, I know... I know this is your jam. Get out here. M, come on. Oh, no, I'm just gonna... I like to butt-dance. # Dimes wall to wall in the VIP # # The age don't mean a thing, I ain't Chi-Ali # # I bring them out with no I.D. # # Them boys they bring 'em out like I'm T.I.P. # -# Come here, girl # -# Don't stop # # Let's rock, come on now # # Let me creep in your world # # Let me take you to Indonesia... # Hey, hey. I need to talk to you about something. If it's about that night in Beirut, I deleted the photos-- promise. No, not Beirut. Just... # Don't stop, let's rock, come on now # -# Let me creep in your world # -# Hey, yo, turn it up # # I'm from the city with nothing pretty # # And everybody know I spit a flow to get up with Diddy # # And now we finna blow, ... in the hood # # Show me love, I'm the girl pimp tight # # Let my mink hang down to the floor # # Pardon me if I gotta be a boss ... # # I don't give a ... what it cost ... # # I floss big whips, I floss big chains... # (Vungus sighing loudly) -H? -Yeah? -Twelve o'clock. You're damn right it is. Night is young. (whoops) Ah, listen to me, H. This is serious. -Whoa. You're the only one that Vungus can trust. -The feeling's mutual. # I see 'em looking at me like, "What's up?" # (high-pitched whirring) -# Come here, girl # -# Don't stop # # Let's rock, come on now # # Let me creep in your world... # -What happened to you? -Nothing. (chuckles) What happened to you? Why are you so serious all of a sudden? Relax. Ow! Yeah. -H. # No Vickie's, only La Perla # # Uh-huh # # Let me take you to Indonesia # # Uh-huh # # Where nobody can reach us # -(crowd cheering) -(crackling, whirring) # There's no need to take your phone... # (whoosh, whirring) (Vungus groans) Hey, you all right, buddy? What's wrong? You don't look so good. -You okay? -Vu-Vungus not feel so good. H: Vodka cranberry sure packed a punch. # Searching interplanetary, I just want to... # -Uh, let's get his car and get him out of here. -(groaning) H (grunting): Okay. Get you off to bed. Let's get you in here. All right. There you are, buddy. In you go. Whoa, whoa. Watch your head. Okay. -(chuckles): All right. -(groaning) -Now, sleep it off, okay? I'll speak to you in the morning. Hydrate. Whew. -Shouldn't we call it in? -Oh, God, no. The paperwork is a nightmare. Yeah, but Vungus didn't look too good. I mean, he didn't look too good before, but... H: Well, trust me, I've seen him way worse. chuckles: You know, this one time in Istanbul... (explosive whooshing) -(Molly gasps) -(car alarms blaring) (Vungus coughs) VUNGUS: Help me. (unsettling music) -H: MIB. Freeze. -On the ground. -Hands up. -Palms down. -Palms down. -Hands up. Okay, which do you want to go with? I'm fine with either. I just think, in the future, we're gonna have to come up with something consistent. -Do you want palms down? -If you don't mind. -Palms down. -Palms down. H: Good. (electrical crackling) (deep whirring) -(high-pitched whirring) -(ground crackling, bubbling) What the...? -That is not good. -H: Run! (both grunt) M! (coughs) -They are coming! -Petrol cap. Go. (gasps) (action music) H: We need more firepower. Side-view mirror. What do you want me to do? Throw it at them? Oh, wow. I haven't seen that before. I don't think this is doing anything. M: Come on. Exhaust pipe. Go. Come on! Oh. Now, this is more like it. Right. (grunts) Hurry! Go to Vungus. I'll cover you. (gasping weakly) H! A little help here! -No. Not H. He has changed. I could feel it. I have to know... (coughs) ...if I can trust you. (grunts) Now I'm pissed off. Hide this. Something is wrong in Men in Black. whispers: What? Vungus, what is this? It's the only thing that can protect you. (exhales weakly) (Molly gasps) (dramatic music) Come on! Where's your fancy dance moves now? (tyres squeal) -Freeze! -(agents shout) (agents shout) What the...? AGENT: Keep your eyes up. I can't see. AGENT 2: Eyes on! Eyes on! AGENT 3: Two targets! How is he? (agents continue urgent chatter) He's gone. (soft orchestral music) (pants) AGENT: Guys, back up a little bit, all right? * (tentative music) (indistinct radio chatter) C: Oi! Totally outdone yourself here, mate. -Well done. Well done. -Thank you. Mm. Fill me in. What happened? Huh? We were attacked, clearly, C. -Right. -Okay? By I don't know what. The suspects, they did this with their bare hands. They turned solid into liquid and then back again. -What? -Why's she here? -She... She is walking you through the crime scene. She is walking you through the crime scene. No, no. She is a probationary agent, so she is not here at all, okay? Okay. I think you'll find that she... -Yeah. Yeah. -...clearly is here, 'cause I can... I can see her. -Backing you up. -Thank you. It was a figure of speech, but fine. (chuckles) You are in so much trouble. Oh, my God. You had one job. You had one very simple job: to take some lizard slimeball out for a few drinks. That was it. -Not-not-not a "lizard slimeball." -A friend of mine. Yeah? -Oh, no. -Yeah, sorry. Sorry about that. -Mm. -He-he was a reptilian slimeball. He's now dead because of you. Who was with him when he died? -I was. -Who... Okay, good. And did he say anything that might explain why he was killed? Anything at all? Come on. -No. Not a thing. -So, just to recap, um... -H: No point. ...a high-ranking member of the Jababian royal family dies on your watch, murdered by assailants that you can't identify, for reasons that you cannot begin to fathom. Is-is that... is that about right? -I switched off the moment you started talking. I-I don't know. Now, why don't you bugger off? -C: Okay, mate. Yeah. Thank you. -H: Yeah. -I'll piss off. Back to the office. -Where you belong. -To have a little word with High T. -Oof. -Who will not save you this time. H: We'll be fine. Okay? Don't-don't worry. This is... We'll be fine. (sighs) Yeah? -(sighs) Yes. Yes. Understood. Yeah... Indeed. Yes. Y-Yes. Yes. Thank you. L-Let me assure you we will deal with this in the strongest possible terms. (phone beeps) The Jababians want your heads. Quite literally-- both heads, sent by diplomatic pouch. Okay, um... (clears throat) C: Morning, sir. I have the, uh, forensics report that you, uh, asked for. HIGH T: Thank you. Well, this is troubling. Very troubling. -Mm-hmm. These are our suspects. A species called Dyadnum. From a binary star system in the constellation Draco. Draco. That's Hive territory. The entire sector fell years ago. HIGH T: The Dyads' DNA are riddled with Hive mutations. -H: Mm-hmm. -HIGH T: And as we all know, the Hive doesn't just destroy their enemies; they subsume them. Take them over from within. Uh, which means, whoever these two were, they're part of the Hive now. HIGH T: Yes, but why would the Hive send them all this way to kill a Jababian royal? You knew Vungus better than anyone. Did he indicate why he was here? Did he want something from us? -No, he seemed pretty normal, pretty happy. -C: Sir. This whole thing is a fiasco. It's a farrago. And a failure of this magnitude requires immediate invoke-ment of... Article 13. -Don't be a dick. Who says "farrago"? -Uh, uh, what is Article 13? Immediate termination, followed by... -neuralyzation. -Wait a second. -Wait. -HIGH T: Wait. -H: No. No, put... Is that your people's answer to everything? -H: Put that away. -Take your glasses off. -S-Sir, you-you can't. -Give me one good reason why not. -stammers: Um, because it's... what we were talking about. Um... -Because... -H: Because... ...if you erase us, you will never know the truth. -The truth. -C: Come on, sir, they're obviously stalling. -Say the word. I'll do it. -Put it away. M, go ahead. Explain yourself. -Well, sir... if you think about it, really think about it... Vungus-- how many people really knew that he was here? The people in this room. And perhaps a dozen high-level agents. If those were the only people that knew where Vungus would be... -H: Mm-hmm. ...and we assume that Vungus didn't leak his own location to the killers, doesn't that mean that it was someone... inside MIB? A mole, sir, inside these very walls. Sir, they're obviously making this up as they go along. What are you talking about, "a mole"? In the whole history of the company, there's not been so much as a leak. "Mole." That sounds like something a mole would say. -Don't be absurd. -Classic mole talk. -Sounds like Mole 101. -Mm. Enough. If we've been compromised, it puts every citizen on this planet, both human and alien, at risk. -C. -Sir. -Track down these killers. Find the killers, we find the mole. -Will do, sir. -Dismissed. M, it appears you're as sharp as advertised. Work the case with C. And get Weapons Department started on something that can neutralize these Dyads. Yes, sir. Sharp indeed she is, sir. So I assume you'll want me overseeing the case? A sort of, uh... sort of, uh... -I'm finished covering for you, H. You need me on this case, sir. I-I've dealt with the Hive before, remember? -With nothing b-but my wits and my Series-7... -No. He dealt with the Hive before. And I don't know where the hell he has gone! I actually used to think you could lead this place. I was wrong about you. We're done here. That's an order. (sighs) Look, you weren't wrong about me, sir. You saw something in me once. It's still there. And I apologize for letting you down. Give me another chance, and I'll fix this, T. I promise you. -Mm. I know what you're talking about. -What...? -C: Wait. -Sorry, mate. High T decided he wants me to run point on this one. Wait, what? Sorry, I don't believe you. H: Look, I don't like it any better than you, but he kept going on about relying on me, needing our top agent, that sort of thing. I don't make the rules. Take it up with him. M, he's keen for you to shadow me on this one. -All right? "Learn from the best," he said. -I... Little on-the-job training, if you will. Hmm? Yeah? Come on. -Uh... -Are y-you going or you staying? -Yeah, I-I'll go. -Yeah, all right, well... -Okay. -H: Come on. -H? Well, thanks for that. I'm sick of you. -Okay. So, what's the actual truth? -Well, you tell me. Because, for someone who hates lying, that was incredible. -I wasn't... -Come on, it was electric up there. The way we played off each other back and forth. -I was riffing. -A mole inside MIB. God, it's genius. I wish I thought of it myself. MOLLY: And I discovered a possible truth. I mean, think about it. It would explain a lot. H: So, what have you got so far? I was about to run a molecular deconstruction on the substance and cross-reference -with all known toxins. -Mm. Good idea. -Just a little science. -(inhales, wheezes) -Oh, I wouldn't do that. -(coughs, exhales sharply) I know what that is. -Yeah, that killed a 300-pound Jababian, so I wouldn't get recreational with it. -That is Zephos, pure grade. The wrong amount will kill you instantly. And the right amount will keep you dancing shirtless on a nightclub table in Monaco for about 17 hours straight. -(chuckling) -So much information. -Always so much information. -Yeah, I mean, it's just what I've heard, anyway. There's only one place in the world where they know how to mix it. Let's go. You coming? World's not gonna save itself. Are you saying that you need me to save the world? -Uh-huh. -Thought so. (whirring) (deep whooshing) -(Moroccan folk music) -(whooshing) (lively chatter) Oh, wow. -Yeah, you'll see that a lot around here. It's a, uh... a Cromulian tag. In their galaxy, a symbol for hope or annihilation. There's still some debate around what exactly. -Actually, it's harmony. But on Earth, it means we're entering an MIB safe haven. -How do you know that? -It's in the handbook. Don't believe everything you read. -NASR: That is my job. -BASSAM: And my job is what? -Hang out here and shut up? -Yes. You shut up. That is your job. H: Well, look who it is. Nasr. Come on, you know the rules: no visible alien tech anywhere on the street. Cover the bike up before I have to give you a ticket. -H? Uh, it is really you? -Of course it's me. Who else could it be? -Hey, Bassam. -Hi, H. -Nasr said you were dead. -NASR: What? I... -(clears throat) I never said that. -You did. -He's lying. -Uh... Aah! Hey! (Bassam stammers) And why would I be dead? (both grunt) Uh, Bassam misunderstood. We heard that you and Riza had split up. -Ooh, Riza. Who's that? -It's not important. -Mm, human or...? -Doesn't matter. -I'm just curious how it works between species, so... Very unimportant. Old friend of mine, so... Who runs the biggest criminal syndicate in the galaxy. Who is a very successful businesswoman. -I love a businesswoman. -H: Okay. -Why are we talking about this? -So sad, H. You... you made -a lovely couple. -Okay. Thank you very much. But these things happen, so... You said, "That psycho's gonna slit his throat." -Uh, hmm. -chuckles: Excuse us for one moment. -Your words, not mine. Don't you...! -(Nasr grunts) -You dated this-this person? -(Bassam yelling) It seems like a conflict of interest. Conflict of interest for you to know about my private life. Yeah, sure. I-I would prefer not to. Yeah. -Hey, hey, th-that-that's enough. Listen. -Ow! Ow! Ow! -Whew! -Stop beating the hell out of him. -Yeah. -Keep this thing covered up. -Absolutely. Will do. -Thank you. -Won't happen again. (sniffs) MOLLY: Nice to meet you both. -Yes. -Yeah. -(beeping) -(clears throat) -What? Uh, pulled this from the surveillance camera outside the club. -Standing there, -making me feel uncomfortable. -Sorry about that. * Goodness me. Oh, boy. (suspenseful music) (lights crackle) (blows) -NASR: Here comes trouble. -BASSAM: I like trouble. You thinking what I'm thinking? -Call Riza. H: Ah, here. This is it. Looks like a couple days' worth. No one's been out to collect. (door opens, bell jingles) Hello? (weapon whirrs) (clears throat) (heavy whirring, clanking) (tense music) One more step, and I'll liquefy your bangs, pretty boy. -Easy, easy. We don't want any trouble. -Okay. Do not move. (grunts) Hey, look at you. What do we call you, sport? -"Sport" is not what you call me. -What is it? -"It"? He. -Sorry. -Why would you call me anything? Pawns don't have names. We're pawns. -Uh, okay. Uh, "Pawny," then. What happened here? -Oh, we had the best party. Kanye showed up and dropped, like, a whole new album. And it was some of his best work. Look around. We got our asses kicked. -(queen gasps) -(gasps) My queen. (exhales weakly) Oh, she's gone. PAWNY: I'll never serve another. I swear it. I'll plunge my dagger into my own body, like this, through all my vital organs, and then leave it until the dark takes me. Hey, you're not gonna actually go through with this, are you? Listen. A queen's pawn without a queen is just a pawn. A nothing. I must end my own life in the most painful way possible. Don't stop me. Chance of survival: zero. -Do you think we should stop him? -PAWNY: Gonna do it. -whispers: Kind of want to see if he goes through with it. -Uh, sorry, what did you say? -Hmm? Nothing at all. -MOLLY: No, you know what? -I did say something. -H: You did? -Yeah. He's a witness. Excuse me. You know, I don't think that she would want you to, you know, go through with it, honestly. Who are you to know what a queen would or wouldn't want? Are you a queen? Well, I mean, to the extent that all women are, yes, but no, no, I'm not a queen. You know what she is, though, is an agent. -"Agent"? -Mm-hmm. -Is that a title? -It is a title. A title of great eminence and stature. M here is an agent. An agent without a pawn, if you see my meaning. -I never thought of this, but maybe the best way to honour the dead is to go on living. -Yes. I pledge loyalty eternal to you, Agent M. No, no, no, I'm not interested in a subject. Too late. It's done. I already pledged the loyalty. I wish you'd said "no, no, no" before. -Congratulations. -PAWNY: And if you should die before I, I promise to end my own life... "In the most painful way possible." Yeah. Ha. I don't like you. -H: Let's go. -PAWNY: My lady? Come on. We'll have a fun time. -Fine. -Yes! H, there's something that I've been meaning to tell you about. I've been wanting to tell you... -Yeah? -...about it. -Where is it? -You mean this? -You stole it from me? -Stole it from you? I recovered evidence that you stole from a crime scene. -Vungus told me to hide it and that I couldn't trust anyone, so... Wait, y-you're telling me y-you listened to Vungus, you trusted Vungus instead of your partner, a senior agent? -Huh? -In a word, yes. H, speaking of agents... (tyres squeal) Come on. Why would they be here? H: I don't know. There's either an award show we're not aware of, or we're in deep shit. C: Thank you. I need you to close every street, every archway and every sewer now. Come in closer on that body cam there, please. -A bit more. -HIGH T: Could someone please explain to me what the hell is going on? Uh, sir, slightly, uh, sensitive subject. Thought it best to keep it quiet. -A bit further in, please. -C, a word. Absolutely. No one leaves the medina, all right? This... this is nonsense. Despite your personal feelings, H is one of the best agents ever to wear this suit. No, sir, he was one of the best agents to wear this suit. He hasn't been the same since the incident with the Hive. Look. Look. My sources say that Vungus stole it from the Jababian War Department Advanced Research Division and brought it here. -And you kept this from me? For how long? -Explain yourself. -Oh, explain myself? Sir, whatever that thing is, M and H had it in your office, and you let them go, sir. With all due respect, you let them go. -Carry on. -Yes, sir. -And, C. -Sir? Whatever that thing is, Vungus died to protect it. He gave it to me, so it wouldn't go to them. (cell phone rings) -Yes, sir. -H, listen to me. This isn't my operation. Get out of there. Get safe. Then report. HIGH T: M may be right. You, I want sit-reps every ten minutes. HIGH T: There could be a mole in the Men in Black. (reflective music) All right. Take this. I'll draw them away. I'll meet you at the main square in 20. Go. -Pardon. Afwan. Afw... -(man grunts) Pardon, pardon. Hey, guys, what are the odds? (chuckles) -Move, move. -(man yelps) (panting) (people shouting) (tense music) (panting) (suspenseful music builds) (indistinct chatter, shouting) (light crackling) Nasr! I need to borrow your bike. As long as it is to borrow, not steal, huh? -Yes. Of course. -Come on. Quick. Come on. -Bassam! Whoo! Okay, uh, accelerator, -brake. -Water. Very hot out there. -Oh. That's very thoughtful of you. This is all pretty straightforward, yeah? Yes. Very straightforward, indeed. Yes, yes. Just like riding a bike. -Okay, cool. -(engine whirrs) (people shouting) Sorry. (man shouts) (groans, pants) Well, this is nothing like riding a bike at all. (pants) (tense music builds) (donkey brays) (high-pitched whirring) -(pants) (electrical buzzing, whirring) (metallic squealing) Quick, jump on! Hold on tight. PAWNY: Oh, shit! (Molly yells) Hold on, Pawny! -PAWNY: Whoa! -Hold on! Wait for me! Thanks! (grunting, panting) (laughs) I can't believe that actually worked. -Hey, H? -Yeah? Oh, right. Uh, glasses. Hi, everyone. If you could all look right here. -Just drive. -(neuralyzer whirring) (people yelling) Move! Go! (people screaming, grunting) (tyres squealing) (people yelling) Oh, boy. H: What do you think? Press the red button? I think it's hyperdrive. No, no, I think hyperdrive is blue. Well, you know, sometimes you have to trust your gut. My gut, not yours! PAWNY: Somebody press something! (Pawny screams, grunts) (H grunting) (Molly gasping) MOLLY: Ow. (panting, groaning) -(H laughs, whoops) -(Molly panting) -Lost the tail. What'd I tell you, huh? Hyperdrive. -Yeah, yeah. -Trust your gut. -Trust your gut. -groans: Okay. -Oh, God, I hate sand. -(Pawny laughs) -The red button was awesome! Let's press the red button again. -Shh! (panting, grunting) (clicking, whirring) Wow. -Hey, what's it doing? -Moving. (tense music) H: Oh! What-what is that thing? -MOLLY: See the core? * MOLLY: How it keeps emitting convective energy across the interior of the photosphere? Mm, yeah, yeah, no, I see all of it. I see the... the photosphere bit. Mm-hmm. Okay, yeah, shh. Those are thermonuclear explosions. Wait, what? And what does that mean? Like a... like a bomb or something? I think what we're looking at is a super compressed star, and by the colour temperature, -I'd say it's a blue giant. -(soft electrical pulsing) Let's just press the button. Let's see... see what this thing does, huh? Are you suggesting that we try a weaponized star for fun? -Mm-hmm. Well, for science and fun. -Well, the two aren't mutually exclusive. -I know. -Okay. Yeah, there is no better place than this, right? They don't call it the Empty Quarter for nothing. Yes. That's why I made the suggestion. Go. -Uh, at just .001? What do you think? -Mm-hmm. H: Yeah. Just start off slow. -Press the button. -Okay. (beeping, whirring) (whirring grows louder) (quiet pop, whistle) Mm. Maybe ratchet it up a few notches, -a little higher... -(explosive whoosh) H: Whoa! -(Molly and H pant) -That was the low setting? Uh, do we think anyone's gonna notice that-that wasn't there before? (dramatic music) Sir. They, uh, got away. I believe the appropriate phrase is... you lost them. -Well, I put it to you, sir... -that they had help. -Probably. But I know H. Whatever he's doing, there's a reason. Why do you keep protecting him? Huh? What is it going to take? -I am protecting this institution. -From what? From me? Are you questioning my loyalty, sir? At the very least, your judgment. Is there anything else, Agent C? -No, sir. -Good. Then would you kindly leave? (wind whistles) You know, Vungus knew how powerful that thing was, right? He knew that it could d-destroy entire worlds, and he gave it to you. I don't... I don't understand. Someone he only just met. Why would he do that? -I don't know. -Hmm? -Maybe he... trusted me. -(H chuckles) I'm not gonna doubt your general trustworthiness, but, I mean, I-I sang at Vungus's mother's funeral. Quite beautifully, if I might add. You know, we-we knew everything about one another. I mean, hey, I'm pretty sure he trusted me. (chuckles) Okay, H, if you must know... he said that you'd changed. You know, I-I'm getting a little sick of hearing people give me this "you've changed" crap. I'm the same person I was years ago. -You mean to tell me that you have always been this way? What way? Uh, vaguely inept. Arrogant. Reckless. -(chuckles) -Did I miss anything? -Okay, yeah. Hey, look. Arrogant and-and reckless. Well, that's-that's nice. Well, maybe I am a few of those things occasionally, but guess what-- my job is saving the planet, and that's what I do. I do a pretty good job at it, okay? And while that's still happening, the rules are: there are no rules. -Well, that's a rule. -MOLLY: Mm-hmm. Ah, damn it. All right, nobody move. Drop it, hairball! -Nobody move. -H: Bassam. -How the hell'd you get here? -Feeling hydrated, H? Never had a bath before. Lost two pounds in dirt alone. God, we drank from that. (spits) Oh, God, I thought it tasted like a living beard. H: Okay, um... (stammers) Bassam, listen, all right, mate? Uh, let's be sensible here. I don't think you really know what you're dealing with, so... -Oh, no, I definitely do. Which is why she's gonna pay so much for it. -No, w-wait! Wait, wait! -No, no, no! -No, no, no, no! BASSAM: Have a nice life, bozos! MOLLY: Great job, H. Pawny, can you ask her to pass me the torque wrench, please? She has a name and a title, and you know that. My lady, the jackass wants a torque wrench. Pawny, will you tell him that the sooner he restores power to my drive console, the sooner that I can figure out how to program it? My lady says you're a cloth-brained ass-clown, whose gullible idiocy has threatened the very existence of the planet. -Okay. You know what, she... she didn't say that. All right? You little worst piece on the chess board, okay? -She said that. -Didn't say any of it. -Ow! Yeah, but I was thinking it. Actually, every single word. You make a really good point. Thank you. (sighs) (H grunts) If you'll tell your lady she now has power. Uh, the jackass says, my lady, that you have power. -Can you thank him? PAWNY: (whispers) Really? -But in a cold, kind of polite way. You can even put a glare on it. Just play around with it. I trust you. -My lady says thank you. (groans) I know where the weapon's going and how to get it back. -My lady? -I got this one. I'm listening. Bassam has only one real buyer: Riza Stavros. Riza? The Riza that you went out with? The intergalactic alien arms dealer Riza? I'm gonna hop back in for a second. You dated Riza Stavros, the Merchant of Death? The Mother of Murder? hushed: She's pretty hot. -H: Okay, I didn't know she was an arms dealer when we met. And I-I was distracted by her feminine wiles and her intoxicating beauty. And besides, you know, we weren't interested in labels. We were interested in our hearts, and if having a big old heart is a crime, then shoot me. (weapon whirrs) -Not yet. - hushed: You'll let me know, though, right? But really? chuckles: Your "big old heart"? (Molly laughing) -What? -It's just so... -What? It's funny, is it? -(laughs) Hmm? (all laughing) -MOLLY: "My big old heart." -PAWNY: He's so stupid. Who talks like that? Big old doofus. (laughter continues) You've never been in love, have you? (laughter stops) I'm not making fun. I'm genuinely asking. You've never once abandoned logic for passion? PAWNY: (scoffs) What is this? The sequel to "The Notebook"? I never saw it, but I assume it's a lot of this type of nonsense. (chuckles) No, I haven't. Passion is unstable, and logic is constant. -Is that right? -Yeah. Physical attraction is nothing more than chemical reactions in your brain. Can't trust them. They're not real. * Pretty sure you can trust that. Feels pretty real. That's actually kind of deep. (tool clicking) Well, that should do it. (grunts, sighs) Power her up. Thank you. Pawny. Not there. -That's as far as I could jump. Actually, I could jump higher, but that would've been more awkward. -Okay, enough. Here we go. (whirring) And look at that. -Well done. -Mm-hmm. Now, I know Riza. She may be the Merchant of Death, but she does have one weakness. You ready to be a hero, little guy? -Pretty open to anything. -Good. 'Cause we're going to Naples. -Oh, to Riza's Fortified Fortress of For Sure Death? (groans) (dramatic music) (dramatic music swells, fades) (high-pitched whirring) Don't shoot. Don't shoot. (beeping) Oh. I'm so sorry. -(man grunts) -Can we do this another day? I have another visitor. -Ah, absolument. Bah ouais. -Yeah? -Thank you. -Bah ouais. Au revoir. -Bye. Bye. (man yells) -Luca. -(sniffs) -Did you miss me? No. (Luca groans, snorts) H. I know why you're here. (sniffs) Why are you wearing pink trousers? (Luca snorting, panting) (suspenseful music) H: So, how have you been? It's-it's been a while, eh? That's the tough thing about break-ups, is the friendships you lose. (chuckles) Ah, we had some good times, though, didn't we? -(Luca snorts) H: Riza and I had good times, I guess. You just sort of lurked in the background a bit. (H chuckles) (chirping, squawking) Wonderful, isn't she? I just love dumb, beautiful creatures. (H chuckles) (Riza sighs) (both panting) Well, this is familiar, isn't it? RIZA: So... MIB finally showed you the door, eh? -Showed myself out, actually. Oh. Some horses are born to roam free. And others just get shot. What are you doing here? I wanted to see you. And I brought you something. And I know how you like special pets, so I brought you a peace offering. Meow, meow. Bark, woof, et cetera, et cetera. -Oh, I like it. He is cute in an ugly sort of way, isn't he? -The last of his kind. -You always did know the way to my heart, didn't you? (chuckles) And you always knew how to make mine beat that little bit faster. MOLLY: Not a neuralyzer in the world could make me forget that. RIZA (over earpiece): You know, I was actually looking forward to seeing my guns tear you to pieces, and then I saw that perfect little face of yours, and... (sighs) I had to know. Know what? -I want to know the truth. -Mm-hmm? -Was this ever real? Hmm? This? (over earpiece): You, me-- was it? (chuckles) This'll be good. Was it? I knew who you were from the start. My job was to gain your trust and... (sighs) take you down when the opportunity came. That's the truth. MOLLY (over earpiece): Uh, yeah, got to turn -my earpiece off for this part. -God, shut up. -What? -N-No, I'm sorry. (stammers) It's what I say to my heart when it's like a voice inside my head. -sighs: Oh, I know. -I couldn't fake that. -Thank you. -It's okay. (sighs) No, but thank you for... for giving me closure. Well, we all need some... some-some closure from time to time. -Get him out of here. -Wha...? Wait, no. Hey. Wait a second. I need some closure, too. -Wh-What about my feelings? -H, here's a little tip -for you, honey. -I have feelings. Next time you bring a peace offering, don't make it the same day I come into possession of the most powerful weapon ever created. chuckles: This has nothing to do with that. I didn't even know you had a weapon. Th-That's a totally separate thing. It's a coincidence. Total coincidence. I didn't know she had a weapon. Did you know she had a weapon? (Luca grunting) Take him to the boat. (snorts) All right. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Well, fellas, I think that went pretty well. Looks like we'll be seeing a whole lot more of each other. (grunting) (tense action music) sighs: Okay. Okay, okay, okay. (mutters) -(knocks softly on glass) -RIZA: Sebastian, darling. How would you like to be able to destroy entire solar systems without leaving your home? -MOLLY (over earpiece): Pawny? -Yeah, I see it. Uh... (mutters) Oh, would you look at that. Good to go, M. MOLLY: Okay, Pawny, it's all on you now. Okay, that kind of pressure is not constructive. It's very simple, darling. Do you want it or not? No, I only have one, Sebastian, and I won't have that for long. Mm-hmm. No, I'm gonna give you five seconds. Perfectly done. Whoops. I'm going to call you back. PAWNY: Crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, look at your little legs. You are so fast. RIZA (in distance): Why, look at you run. (Riza laughs in distance) You're so fast! Wait, I'm coming. I'm coming. Now, you don't run away again. -Oh, hello. -(Molly sighs) Oh, and here I thought... H worked alone. Silly me. Poor you. It's been a steep learning curve, yeah. Oh, that? That's a snub-nosed Karzig annihilator. Do you know what that does to a human body? It boils you from the inside out. -Cute. Do you know what a Pawny does to sadistic alien arms dealers? -No, honey. Tell me what a Pawny is. -I'm a Pawny, you psycho! (yells) -(Luca growls) -Whoa! (grunting) (yells, groans) (choking) (Molly panting, grunting) (strained grunting) Looks like the tables have turned. (grunts) That was an incredible catch. (growls) (yells) (H yells, groans) (gasps, grunts) (coughs, grunts) (panting) That felt good. (Luca grunting) (groaning) Don't worry, don't worry. It's all part of the plan. Well, H, you always have been rather delusional. -(H coughing) -(Pawny grunts) (straining) Peace offering. Kill them. Start with him and make it hurt. -(H groaning) -No. You don't have to do this. strained: Put me down, you Tarantian thug. MOLLY: Wait. Did you say "Tarantian"? -Yes. -PAWNY: Yes, my lady, he did. They tend to be very single-minded when it comes to killing. Brains the size of a pistachio nut. -whispers: Okay. Shh. -You're not helping. (gasps, chokes) AGENT: The creature you saw was an unlicensed Tarantian from Andromeda Two. Tarantian? (chittering) I know a Tarantian. I met one once. I helped him. -(grunting) Kabla nakshulin. What? -Kabla nakshulin? -(H grunts) -What she said. -How do you know that? -Because he said it to me. (pained gasping) -Molly? -Yes. -Molly? Are you shitting me? Really? -(H laughs) Who's delusional now? It's you? (gasps) -(grunts softly) -You've grown. I mean, m-me, too. -Give her the box. -Luca, you can't do this. Haven't I been good to you? I've let you kill anyone you wanted. Come on. No? -(Riza sighs) -(H gasping) The box. * You changed my life, by the way. (laughs) Hey, uh, quickly. "Kabla nakshulin"-- what does it mean? LUCA: It means, "One day, I'll kill whoever you choose in the most gruesome way imaginable." (grunts) -Or maybe we just keep her here for a moment until he and I can discuss a plan of action. H? (whispers) H, are you okay? (gasping) I'm good. -MOLLY: Yeah. -H: Mm. -PAWNY: Pretty sure the plan -went wrong in every conceivable way. -Yeah, well... So, uh, it's Molly, huh? -You're not supposed to know that. -Well, too late. I know it now. Guess it's only fair that you know mine. -I don't want to know yours. -I'm gonna tell you. -Okay. -You ready? Horatio. -It is not. -It's not. It's Henry. Yeah, you look like a Henry. -Good. It's all I've got. -I'm Steve. Uh, Steve? I thought you said pawns didn't have names. We don't. I was just feeling left out. -H: (chuckles) Oh, Steve. -(Molly chuckles) (wind whistling) (rumbling, creaking) Whoa. (Molly gasping) That... that is not cool. -Uh... -Uh, I don't like what the earth is doing now. No, no, no. Kabla nakshulin! Eh, it was worth a try. We must have the weapon-- for the Hive. No. You know, I don't know if you've heard, but we are the Men in Black. The Men and Women in Black. -Nice save. -H: So, if you think we're just gonna hand this thing over, you've got another thing coming. You don't know who you're dealing with. See, we protect the Earth. And that means everyone and everything on it. So, you want to do this? You want to get down? Fine. Let's go. (weapon whirring) Move, and I'll obliterate this entire island and everything on it. Uh, yeah, including us. You don't think we should've spoken about this before? I just gave a whole speech. -Yeah, I really liked the speech. I just thought that maybe this was gonna be more effective. You heard me. Don't make me use it. -We'll do anything to protect our world. So will we. HIGH T: Nothing in this universe is unkillable. With the proper voltage. Are you both all right? -Uh, yes, sir. Never better. -Sir, how did you find us? -Experience. Riza again, H? When are you going to learn? (sighs, chuckles) -I knew I could count on you. That, in the end, you'd pull through. -Thank you, sir. You, too, M. Agent O had a feeling about you, and she was right. The universe has a way of leading you to where you're supposed to be... At the moment you're supposed to be there. Let's go home. (applause) (cheering) (victorious music) Let's keep this safe, shall we? Saunder, inform the Jababian embassy we have the weapon. Quite the first assignment for a probationary agent, M. (Molly chuckles) -Marrakesh, the Empty Quarter, Naples. Imagine what you will accomplish when you're one of us. -Yes, sir. -Enjoy this moment, M. They never last. -I don't know how you do it, but you just keep doing it. -Yeah? What's that, C? Oh, saving the world from total destruction twice in as many years. I mean... BOTH: What are the odds? (ominous music) -GUY: MIB! -(camera beeps, clicks) Right. -Excuse me. -Yeah. -Hey. -Hey. -How's it going? -Uh, you know. -Cool party, huh? -Yeah, great party. -Hmm. Something is wrong. -Yeah. That's what I was thinking. -I said to the Dyads we'd do anything to save our world. -They said that they would, too. -Mm-hmm. Then they told us they needed the weapon for the Hive. What if we misunderstood what that meant? Maybe they needed the weapon to use against the Hive -to save their world. -Mm-hmm. Which could mean they were never the Hive at all. Uh-huh. But the DNA, the mutations. High T showed us that sample. All right. Let's see. Agent H. Bring up the Dyad forensic report. (beeping) Who has the authority to make a case file disappear? Come with me. (suspenseful music) And what about Naples? How did he know we were there? -He was doing his job. -Does his job include tracking us? He gave this to me as a gift. It has a chip inside it. We need to see the confiscated Jababian weapon. -Not possible. -Not possible? I-I'm the senior agent on the case. Let's make it possible. Where-where's the weapon? I think he's been chasing it the entire time. High T is the mole. He's got to be. A mole for who? Where would he be taking it? C: Paris. My guess would be Paris. I knew, you know. I knew all along that something was off. I thought he was covering for you, but it turns out it was him. He was hiding his own tracks. H: There's got to be an explanation. M, come on. -I'm coming with you. -No, C. -Hey, hey. Come on, now. This isn't about you. -I know. I agree. Listen, if it turns out what you're saying is true and word gets out that T, the most decorated agent in MIB history, is a traitor, the agency will never recover. If we stop him, no one ever has to know. But what if you can't stop him? Then what? -Well, then tell them it was me. Tell them I was the traitor. Trust me, the agency will believe you. You. (tense music) Oh, that's right. That happened. That's what I'm talking about. I'm driving. -Uh... -(door opens) (H sighs, clears throat) -That really should be here. -Ah, not in this country. * -(engine revving) -(tyres squealing) (suspenseful music) There should be a big red button around here somewhere. -Yes! Press the red button. -Found it. (electronic chiming) -(whooshing) -PAWNY: Whoa! (screams) to a Jenny Craig client. I've lost 15kg and feel great. The Jenny Craig food's really tasty. Jenny Craig works for weight loss. Flexible delivery options available with Jenny Craig. C: H, you got to see this. A portal from Sector C has been activated. -MOLLY: The Hive. -C: I'm sending you back-up. Out. You remember when I told you we're in the lying business? -Mm-hmm. That's what T said to me the night he recruited me. He said we have to lie to the world, which means we can never lie to each other. I just don't believe that he has. -But you can't always trust your gut, H. Sometimes things are exactly as they appear to be. No, we saved the world, for God's sakes. Together, with nothing but our wits and our Series-7 De-Atomizers. So I've heard. (tense music) (rumbling) (tyres squeal, engine revs) (electrical crackling and rumbling) # # (whirring, rumbling) -H? -Yeah? Would you mind telling me one more time-- how'd you beat the Hive? -Uh, it was three years ago. High T and I went up to face the Hive with nothing but our wits and our Series-7 De-Atomizers. Cool? -Yes, but how'd you do it? -Wait. Wh-What are you doing? -I'm just curious. How'd you do it? -I just told you. -You didn't, though. -I did a few times. Okay, uh, High T and I went up to face the Hive with nothing but our wits and our Series-7 De-Atomizers... Am-am I...? I-I'm repeating myself, aren't I? -Over and over. -Word for word. -H: Yeah, well, um... Okay, why-why would I be doing that? Um... H, I don't think that you beat the Hive that night. I think you were neuralyzed. -(elevator creaks and clunks) -(bell dings) (weapon whirs) (tense music) HIGH T: Ah, you came to say goodbye. And you brought the lovely M. You can really feel the history here. Eiffel discovering wormholes, gangways to other civilizations, the First Alien Migration. And we made history here, too, didn't we, H? With just our wits and our Series-7 De-Atomizers. -No. We didn't. -(chuckles softly) The Hive wanted the most powerful weapon in the galaxy, so you had Vungus bring it to Men in Black. You'd wait, and when it came, you'd give it to them. My dear boy, you were always a bright one, but... there's no stopping this. With the weapon out of the way, every planet will fall, starting with this one. -Step away from the controls. You neuralyzed me. Made me a hero, the guy that saved the world. Left alive to sell the lie. HIGH T: They wanted this. You were there. You were always like a son to me. H? HIGH T: You were always like a son to me. -That's not High T anymore. You were always like a son (deep, demonic voice) to him. (crackling) (H grunting, panting) (snarling) (grunts, groans) PAWNY: Shoot it! Shoot it! -(roaring) -(Pawny grunts) My queen! I'm coming! (roars) (yells, grunts) (roars) PAWNY: What do we do? What do we do? (grunting) (creature shrieks) (grunts, groans) I'm gonna get it back. I know he's still in there somewhere. Hey! Hey! I know you're in there somewhere! -(roaring) -(strained grunting) It's me, H. Remember, you wanted me to take your place. (echoing): M! # # MOLLY (voice-over): The truth of the universe. I want to know how it all works. HIGH T (voice-over): The universe has a way of leading you to where you're supposed to be... H (voice-over): ...at the moment you're supposed to be there. (slowed, distorted): My queen! I'm not losing another queen. (grunts) (chuckles) -You said I was like a son to you. -(growls quietly) -You were like a father to me. HIGH T: H. (creature bellowing) (snarls) (roars) -Right time... -(weapon whirring) right place. -(shrieks) -(Molly grunts) (echoing roar) (rumbling) (explosive whoosh) (distant boom) (wind whistling softly) (panting) Pawny? -Yeah? -You've served your queen well. Thank you, my lady. It was my honour. (reflective music) (music continues) H: So, is she as tough as they say? MOLLY: In a word, yes. -O: Well, you didn't screw up. -MOLLY: No, ma'am. H: Uh, well, let's be honest, there were a few bumps along the way, little friction at the start, but, uh... -Let's not be honest. -Okay. No, we did not screw up. You said there may be a problem in London, but you knew. I hadn't trusted London branch for some time. I never understood the reason why. T lived for this organization. He was the very best we had to offer. He will be... ...missed. Welcome to the circus, Agent M. You are no longer probationary. H: Well, there you go. My work here is done, I... -You are. -I'm sorry, what? -Probationary head of London branch. I-I'm sorry. Probationary head? It-it s-sounds like I got promoted and demoted at the same time. (chuckles) -MOLLY: Mm-hmm. -No. Try and cope. Several years ago, before all this, T mentioned to me a young, up-and-coming field agent, who had certain leadership qualities, shall we say. Was his faith in you misplaced? No, I just think there are far more experienced agents than myself. Yeah, there are. But you have the full support of our senior staff and, by the way, Agent C. Is that right? Do I take it you accept? -Yes. -Good. -I'll talk to the bosses upstairs. -Thank you, ma'am. You need to clear your London desk and report to MIB in New York on Monday. New York. Thank you, Agent O. Congratulations, probie. -Congratulations to you, too. You'll want to brief your agents. Walk with me. So, you wanted to know how it all works. Now you do. And as you will no doubt have divined, Agent M, there's a price. (sombre music) (quiet, indistinct chatter) (laughter) (birds chirping) H: Oh. (chuckles) Hey, there. What are you doing? I told O I had to take care of a couple things before I went back. -Yeah? What, like stealing my car? No, like driving it. -Ah. Well, you're on the right side, at least. -I'm a quick study. -Give me a lift back to London? Road trip. (H chuckles) -(door opens) -(electronic chiming) -PAWNY: Ow! Hey! -Ooh! Up, up, up, up! Oh, God. Did not need that. Hey, could you just zap me with that forgetting thing, please? -What are you doing here, Pawny? Get used to seeing me, pretty boy. I'm your new babysitter. -He's my new what? -Babysitter. PAWNY: Queen's orders. She says the chance of your sorry ass surviving without me: -zero. -Okay, I did not say that... -exactly. -She said "slim to zero." I rounded it down to zero 'cause I feel like it's zero. -Consider it a parting gift. Come on. I saved the world. You couldn't tell 'cause you were getting choked out on the floor. -Do I even have a choice? -No. Yes! There we go. All right. Where's that little red button? -Oh, it's right here. Whoa! muffled: I still don't like you. -I love that option. -(chuckles) Now, this is a very complicated piece of machinery, okay, -so be careful. -Yeah, got it. MOLLY: I'm gonna trust my gut. (dramatic music)